Tell Your Story Walking
by circuswheel
Summary: There's a process to the madness, one that to this day Robbie still hasn't figured out. Or, Robbie Shapiro, growing the heck up and out. Novella-length friendship ensemble. Overall dramafest. Very, very, very eventual endgame is Robbie/Jade.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction...well, the first I've actually committed to type. This is a story that's been rattling about in my head for a while, and I'm still not entirely sure how I'm going to manage it all to pan out as I want it to. The eventual endgame will be **Robbie/Jade**. Originally I had intended for Robbie/Cat but as it's been progressing I can't help but write more and more Jade scenes because I love her so.

These first few chapters will mostly be backstory, and I'm going from there. Now, let's get this out of the way.

**Tell Your Story Walking**

**Chapter One**

Robbie's just turned twelve when his father forgets where he's driving to and ends up at a gas station sixty-seven miles from their home. It's nearly ten at night and he's huddled alone in his parent's bedroom watching Jeepers Creepers on HBO and trying not to pee himself even though it's only a few minutes in. He gives out a squeak when the jangle of the phone burbles throughout the room before he can help himself. He hears the soft murmur of his mother's voice out in the hall, straining to hear when he catches her tone rise. A few minutes later she sweeps into the room, saying, "I've got to go pick up your father. Your sister's asleep, try, please, not to burn the house down."

He scrabbles up, flowered comforter wrapped around him, and begs to go with her - pleasepleaseplease. Jess is only seven and she's his closest friend, but she's way more apt to survive alone in the darkness against a creepy, crazy truck-driving maybemonster who likes to dump bloody rags down a church sewer pipe than he is. He's been twelve two months but he stills needs to sleep with his door open and the hall light on. Even at his tender age Robbie knows he's well on his way to becoming a nerd – last summer's addition of Coke-bottle glasses and the current threat of braces confirm that, but to his sister he's gold. The month before he'd spent two weeks out back with her and Dad until she was ready to take the training wheels off of her shiny purple bike, and often she sends their mother away at bedtime, because Robbie can read Pickles the Fire Cat much more animatedly and he can throw his voice and make her bear talk to her.

Mom shoots him down, sterner than usual, and her frown is pulled so tight on her face that Robbie is actually scared for real, not just because of the movie. She seems to catch onto his distress, and in a rare moment of maternal affection, kisses his forehead and spends a moment trying to tame down his curls. Her hand in his hair makes him feel oddly small and fragile. "I won't be too long. You'll be all right. Just go to bed when your movie is over. Don't forget to brush your teeth. School tomorrow."

She leaves silently.

By the time he's thirteen, his dad is in a nursing home.

* * *

Alzheimer's disease affects one in sixty people over the age of sixty-five. Robbie's mother and a child therapist sit down with him and try to explain this. They tell him that it's a sickness that makes you forget things, and you don't ever remember them, really, and it will get worse and worse. They tell him that while it's a disease normally associated with the elderly, some people can get it at a young age, like Robbie's daddy. Often it's genetic, and for quite a while Robbie is so, so terrified that's he's got it too, or is getting it, and he wakes up not remembering where he set his glasses down and he's _sure_ he's got it. He's in seventh grade and he spends ten minutes in the bathroom every morning just looking at his leaking eyes and trying to hold in his sobs.

Christine Shapiro is a very respected, very well-paid lawyer, and she keeps her husband with her at home until it gets too bad. She spends a lot of money having tests run, but all they prove to be is inconclusive. Robert Shapiro, Senior, doesn't have any of the gene defects that would cause Early-Onset Alzheimer's disease. Knowing now that he won't get it isn't much consolation to Robbie, who plays chess with his father every night for that fourteen-month period after his dad's left work but hasn't moved to the home yet, growing more and more uneasy as his dad forgets the names of the chess pieces he had so patiently and with much reverence taught his son years before, and asks Robbie over and over again if he's finished a history report on Wyatt Earp that Robbie vaguely recalls speaking about in the sixth grade.

Some days his father seems fine. He gets up early and makes breakfast for Robbie and Jessica like normal, putting cinnamon sugar on Jess's scrambled eggs like she likes and letting Robbie steal sips of his coffee, the radio built into the kitchen above the microwave quietly playing his favorite Creedence Clearwater Revival tunes. Other days...well, Robbie doesn't like to think of those.

He has a starkly clear memory of his father, half-dressed in his pressed work slacks, his hair disheveled and a nick from shaving bleeding down from his chin and onto his silk tie (no shirt), calling an old client he had worked with on a case years ago over and over, growing more and more distraught and agitated, voice growing louder, as Robbie's mother hovers over him, animal-like, her eyes hooded, asking him, then telling him, to put the phone down and come back into the bedroom, you're just _confused_ Robert, please, the children will see. His father turns and catches Robbie's eye and the look of pure and haunted confusion is enough to send Robbie fleeing the hallway and down the steps.

There's a method to this madness, one that to this day Robbie still hasn't figured out. Over the following years he will read many books on Alzheimer's Disease. There are no known cures, and the preventative measures are mostly theoretical, and would certainly be no help to his father at the stage he's in. As the months slide by his father would have good days and bad days, but he was progressively getting worse. Midway through the first half of Robbie's last year at middle school, his father had stopped getting dressed for work, and on the days that he was up to see Robbie in the morning, he would sometimes do a double take before chuckling and say, "Good lord, son, you're growing fast! I barely recognized you!" He began to repeat himself more and more frequently, and it was only because Robbie had spent his whole life loving his father with a deep, almost worshipful devotion that he was able to keep from rolling his eyes, as he had noted his sister and mother discreetly doing, or worse, making a cold comment.

His dad's so young. His dad's only thirty-eight.

He's never thought of his father this way, young, but when he, his mother, and father troop into The Sterling Home for a visit, he's physically repulsed at the idea of his father sitting around, drinking tea and coffee in a house full of old fogies who don't even know their own names. He makes a noise – some ugly, low, soft noise in the back of his throat, and his mother's hand goes to the back of his neck, below his hairline – not squeezing but threatening, and he looks up to meet her pleading yet stern eyes.

He swallows down his bile, gives the receptionist a sallow half-smile and looks back down at his shoes as she cheerfully chats with his parents and pulls up their appointment on her computer monitor.

The home is nice, honestly. It's actually a just huge house, with added amenities. It sits atop a slight, roving hill, overlooking the town's river. There are only twenty-something patients there, and his father will have his own room, and a private aide and nurse. It's not one of those cramped, out-of-regulation state homes that are overstaffed and crammed beyond full capability. Robbie, of course, had done extensive research on retirement homes the second the word had been mentioned.

He doesn't really fight with his mother when the decision is officially made to remove his father from their house.

Robbie isn't much of an arguer and has always preferred to remain quiet and just observe when things, good or bad, happened around him. He has always been a nervous child – not particularly shy, but skittish, and that contracted strongly with his mother's own personality. He doesn't think they would ever be particularly close, and sometimes he wonders over how his mother and father came to find each other, and to fall in love. To him, they seem to be polar opposites. Whenever he has something to share, he would go to his father. He does love his mother, though, and craves her approval strongly. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, it is especially hard for him to share his feelings with her.

When she tells him that Dad would indeed be going to the Sterling Home, Robbie doesn't breathe for nearly forty seconds. When he gets nervous – it's something he can't describe; it feels as if his entire body is shutting down, one organ at a time. He simply can't make himself react - can't stammer, stutter, or cry. Even years later, when he's mostly grown, he still can't put to words the crippling, suffocating feeling that occasionally overcomes him.

It goes like this:

They were sitting alone in his bedroom when his mother tells him. His sister Jessica was three blocks over at the neighbor's house for a playdate. His mother had set it up the day before, and his sister had been looking forward to it all morning. Robbie's father was puttering away downstairs in his now-defunct study. It was still all right at this point to leave him alone for periods of time.

Christine watched her son carefully. Robbie had always been so sensitive, so closed off towards her. She had loved him, always, but he confused her, sometimes even frightened her with the sudden bright, volatile emotions he had. It was easier to hand him off to her husband when he wept for reasons that baffled her. Since he had been a toddler she hadn't understand him. Lately, she hadn't been trying to. Her mind was elsewhere - she was losing her husband.

Now, Robbie sat ridged at the edge of his bed – just past thirteen, and still so small! - his hands tiny white fists at his side, facing her but not quite looking at her. There were high color spots appearing on his cheeks.

"Robbie, breathe!" she commanded, slightly alarmed.

He did, gasping out a breathe and then pulling another in, but still he didn't speak.

She cleared her throat. It was ridiculous, how often she felt awkward when alone with her own child. "You know...that your father is getting worse. You can tell that, can't you?" Her voice was steady but gentle. The was a long pause before he nodded.

"Do you..." The boy paused, sucking his lower lip into his mouth. His eyes roved to the side, as if he was mulling something over. "Do you still love Dad?"

"Of course I still love your father!"

"If we move him there, won't he forget us?"

She faltered. This was not going as she had hoped at all. "I... No, of course he won't, Robert. You know how close the facility is - we'll visit him often."

"Why don't you want him with us? Why do you want to send him away? You can't take care of him - you don't want to! How can you say you love Dad, when you're going to send him away!"

Robbie can still remember how it seemed like his mother collapsed upon herself from where she sat in his too-small canvas desk chair. She had put her hands on her face for a long moment. Her knees jutted out as she slide further down in the chair, too close to the floor, and he remembers staring at the sharp bones in them for a long moment, thinking of how put together she looked, always. She wasn't set to work today, it was Sunday, and she had put on a suit-dress and stockings to come into his room and speak to him.

Finally she had taken her hands from her face. Her eyes may have been red, but that part is not so clear in his mind. He does remember the intensity in next statement, though, how her voice hadn't risen in volume but _intensity._

"Do not speak to me that way. I love your father very much, and I also love you. _It isn't good for yo_u. And for Jessica. To see him like this. You're a smart boy, Robert. You know what will happen to him. You've read up on this, I'm sure?" Now her tone was clipped, deliberate.

Robbie had nodded.

"We could hire a care-taker, I know this. He or she could live with us here full-time. You know I'll have to work. A live-in caretaker is not cheap in the least. I won't be home at all to supervise you two. Maybe you and your sister will be lucky enough to come home from school early enough one day to witness his diaper being changed."

Here, Robbie had started to cry. He had been crying more and more over the past few months, but never in front of her. Even when he was small, he could feel her disapproval when he would tear up. Her words had hurt him, but the most painful part was that she was right. Robbie felt hot shame run through him, shame for the words he had cried out so harshly, but moreso, shame for his father. He knew that his father's condition would only worsen from here, and the thought of witnessing it terrified him.

His mother had softened... he sensed that she had known she had gone too far. She got up quickly and sat next to him on his narrow bed. He felt her arm on his shoulder and shrugged it off. She didn't try to put it back.

"Please look at me." He had, and she touched his chin, just briefly, too briefly for him to have pulled away. "My sweet boy. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that to you. But how do you think I feel? Please try to understand.

He is losing his mind, Robbie. I know it hurts and I certainly did not wish this upon us. His is losing his memory quickly and we don't know if or when it will abate. Do you understand that this is not a healthy environment for you and your sister?"

"Yes," he croaked thickly. "But it's not fair."

Beside him, she smiled thinly. "I know. Robert, life isn't fair. It's a hard and long lesson."

He sniffled hard, pulling his glasses off of his face and wiping his eyes. "When ...when is he going to be leaving?"

"Possibly by the end of the week. He's consented to it, Robbie. I know we … we haven't spoken to you, or your sister, about this enough. He is aware of his condition at the time being. He agrees that he should not remain at home."

Robbie nodded again. He hated it, hated it so much, but part of him knew that his mother was trying to do what was best for all of them. Another part of him, the part he can't stand, was a tiny bit relieved that he wouldn't be witness to his father's failing mind for every moment much longer. "I'm going to visit him all the time."

"We all will. This is part of why we chose this facility – it's close by. Of course you can spend as much time with your father as you would like." Gently, carefully, she pulled him into a hug. Her embrace was stiff, careful, the collar of her jacket silky yet hard against the side of his face. As soon as he relaxed into her touch, she was removing her arms from him.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," he mumbles.

"It's all right, dear. I can understand. Believe me, I want to yell. I just... I thought it would be best if I told you this on your own." She smiled sadly at him. "Please don't hesitate to ask me any questions about what's going to happen." He nodded, and she moved her head brusquely, sharply, in her own quick nod. "Well then. We should see what your father is up to. Maybe we can have lunch together? The two of you can play those godawful records you like so much."

* * *

Time passes quickly after his father is transferred.

Jessica cries a lot for the first few days, but settles swiftly back into her routine of school, soccer practice, Barbie dolls, paint-by-numbers. Robbie helps her with her homework and hides his jealousy of the ease into which she grows accustomed to the afternoons without their father around. On Mondays and Wednesdays Robbie rides his bike to the nursing home and watches reruns of Little House and plays chess with his father. On weekends, they all go. He and his mom cram their record player into her little Honda and they heft it into Dad's room. Robbie slowly starts bringing by his father's favorite records and more: Creedence, The Doors, countless Beatles records. Nirvana's acoustic album that he finds in a thrift store for six dollars.

Spring comes, and Robbie gets his braces. His mother and Jessica surprise him a few days after with a ventriloquist dummy, which he names Rex. Jess says that's a dog's name, and with his hand in the back of the wooden puppet for the first time, Robbie makes him say, "Woof." He's shocking good at throwing his voice, making the dummy come to life. Even his mother smiles and laughs at them, sometimes. A flyer for a private performing acts school comes in the mail, and Robbie begs and whines and pleads to try out. His mother frowns, hems and haws, sighs - "I thought you liked science!" - but eventually sends him off with his application fee and a new brightly-patterned tie. He and Rex perform an abridged version of a comedy act that he rehearsed at one of Jess's slumber parties.

He gets in.

**Edit: I've re-edited, added a bit, and I think I've gotten or all most of the grammatical / tense errors out of the way. Blurgh, I need a beta-reader.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Hollywood Arts is crazy.

Robbie has his puppet with him, so he doesn't need to be nervous. He's never really cared much about what people think about him anyway – back in his middle school he'd always been a bit of a loner, but not picked on any more than any other bespectacled boy.

But pretty much everyone else at the new school is _gorgeous_ and, more importantly, taller than him. There are kids with all sorts of weird colors in their hair and girls that are barely dressed and make him feel uncomfortable. A teacher wearing bunny slippers and what appears to be a moth-eaten muumuu declares Rex to be "Marvelous, simply marvelous!" Robbie skitters away quickly to his first class only to find it's being taught by Bunny Slippers himself. After he sits down and adjusts Rex, a pretty girl with too much eye makeup on and a fierce glare bumps his desk with her belt-studded hip and informs him, "You're sitting in my seat."

"Oh – sorry - isn't it your first day too?" he asks and he swears the girl growls at him.

"This is the first row. I always sit by the window. So move now or I'll make you wish you did."

He does so immediately, heartbeat quickening, slinking to the back of the quickly-filling classroom. He slips into a chair beside an olive-skinned boy with dark hair, who looks from the girl to Robbie, smirks sympathetically, then returns his gaze to the girl. Bunny Slippers leans heavily on a podium and yells, "WELCOME, ASPIRING THESPIANS AND THESPIANESSES!"

A sallow boy, SinJin, siddles up to him in his math class but Robbie quickly decides this kid is way too weird even for him - plus he smells like beets. He isn't mean to SinJin, but once the lecture is over he escapes as quickly as possible, yelping out something about a misprint in schedule.

He meets Caterina Valentine later in the day when she crashes into him in the doorway of their English class. "Ohmygosh, sorry!" she giggles and he's pretty enchanted. She's the first person that's spoken to him today that isn't a teacher or Belt-Studded-Black-Eyes. Her hair is still brown at this point, and her huge dark eyes make him think of his little sister's.

"I've been getting lost all day! This is the first class I've made it to on time. Oooh, what's your doll's name?" she asks.

Robbie shifts Rex on his shoulder. "He's a ventriloquist's dummy. His name's Rex." He makes Rex waggles his eyebrows and say, "Hello sweetheart."

She giggles. "That's really cute! Hey, my name's Cat!"

He introduces himself, and as another student jostles by them, they pick their seats. The teacher sweeps in before he can think of something else to say to her that isn't stupid, and the next fifty minutes are spent going over expectations and the books they'll be reading. A lot of Shakespeare, Robbie finds. Typical.

He has lunch next, and so does Cat, so she proposes they go in search of the cafeteria together. She can't finish a single thought without giggling and jumping to the next one. He is charmed by her, then exhausted, then charmed again. When they find the lunch room, Cat bounces on the balls of her feet and squeals, "I wonder if we can find Jade!"

The name kick-jolts Robbie back to the morning, and an image of the scowling girl with dark on her eyes comes forth. "Jade...Jade, uh, West? You know her?"

Cat – surprise – giggles. "Yeah! We went to middle school together! We've been friends fooooor eeeever! Well, since seventh grade but that's practically fooor eeeeveeer! Right? She's the one who told me I should apply to HA with her! I know she has lunch this period too! Come on Robbie!" She grabs his arm, jerking Rex, and drags him off.

They don't become a clique right away. Jade _really_ doesn't like Robbie and she makes him so nervous in their improv class he usually has to leave to use the bathroom at least twice a period. Sometimes he eats lunch with her and Cat regardless, because Cat's niceness almost makes up for Jade's cold demeanor, but only almost. Their weird friendship confuses him. Jade's downright nasty to him and not much nicer to Cat, but she flips a tray of hot soup onto a guy who calls Cat 'Manic Panic' after Cat walks into him when she's too busy laughing at a silly thing Robbie had said hours ago. More often than not he sneaks a sandwich into the library, or hangs out in one of HA's two theatres, learning lighting tricks and how to work the cameras.

It's slow-going for Robbie. Beck Oliver, the dark-haired boy from Improv, is nice to him, but Beck mostly wants to talk about Jade, and when the two somehow start dating right before Christmas break, Jade's always around him too. Andre Harris transfers in at the start of the second semester and he's in Robbie's Chemistry class and Intro to Music, and in exchange for Robbie's tutoring, he teaches Robbie a few chords on guitar, but he has a feeling Andre only mostly tolerates him.

They're all _really_ talented. Jade and Cat have the most amazing voices Robbie's ever heard, Beck's a great actor, and Andre turns just about anything into a song and can play roughly every musical instrument ever. He taps out a beat on the board with some chalk and makes up a silly song about Cat's ever-changing hair colors. Cat beams and claps and laughs and hugs him, dances around humming the tune. Robbie watches from where he's sitting on his desk, wondering how they can just _be _so easily_._

Robbie can throw his voice, and he has a strange intrinsic knowledge of how technical things work, but he wouldn't really call anything he does a _craft_. He spends most of his time doing extra-credit homework and hanging out at the nursing home with his father. These first few years there are the good ones – his dad still gets dressed on his own and usually remembers Robbie right away. They watch reruns of Little House on the Prairie and Bonanza and sometimes Robbie will read his English books aloud in the sitting room. He's got a big crowd of old ladies that really love him, but he doesn't think he can count them as friends.

Robbie gets all A's for the third quarter at Hollywood Arts, except Sikowitz's class – Sikowitz gives him a B and writes a long-winded message in the 'Teacher Comments' slot about Robbie holding back and needing to find a true passion. A week later, as a gift, his mother buys him a cell phone, and the next day he timidly fiddles with it in the cafeteria until Cat grabs it from him and programs her number in it, giggling, "Robbie's got a new phone! Robbie's got a new phone! Yay!" Later that evening Beck texts him about entering the school's underclassmen play – he'd texted Cat for Rob's number. Robbie feels awkward and put-off. knowing that they've all already exchanged phone numbers and have been communicating and probably hanging out together while Robbie's still trying to figure out if they even really _like_ him, but he sends back a message back saying he hasn't thought of trying for a part, but he'll check it out with Beck after school the next day.

Jess's birthday rolls around, and she's nine now. Their mother is working late and asks Robbie to babysit. He swallows down a small lump of anger, keeps himself from saying into the phone, "Do you even _remember_?" and agrees to watch his sister. He wonders if his dad would remember that it's Jessica's birthday. He thinks about taking Jess to visit, but decides against it. She only goes to see their father on the weekends and she skips out on that if she can and her unwillingness to sometimes visit Dad is the one thing she and Robbie don't talk about.

He doesn't have any money for a present or a cake so he scours the house and makes a batch of only-just-expired blueberry muffins from a pack for her. They aren't bad at all, she says.

She eats the muffins – Robbie looks at them longingly but doesn't want a rash – and they watch old Nickelodeon reruns of Global GUTS! and All That. Keenan Thompson is so cool! He reminds Robbie of Andre.

It's Friday night, and Beck texts him asking if he wants to hang out because his dad's being a dick. Robbie sends back a message saying he's watching his little sister. Beck sends back a surprised, "O, didn't know u had a sister!"

Jess falls asleep early, just after eight o'clock, and Robbie rouses her after a few minutes and sends her to bed without making her brush her teeth. He swaddles her up in blankets and decides not to kiss her goodnight – she's too old now. Instead he tosses her Barry the Bear, whom she accepts and falls asleep cuddling with before he's even out of the room. He calls his mom to see when she'll be home, but her phone's off. He checks the front and back doors to make sure they're locked, then he putters around in the kitchen, cleaning up his mess from earlier, and doing more Algebra questions for extra credit.

He works on his math until almost ten, then halfheartedly pulls out Rex and does his Voices. Rex makes bad jokes about frigid lawyers and boys that don't have anyone to hang out with on the weekends. That disheartens Robbie, though, and after just a bit he puts Rex away. He strips down to his underpants, turns on his ceiling fan, crawls into bed, and lays awake for a long time, listening to the dull hum of electricity and feeling alone.

Spring comes.

Cat's hair changes from dark brown to light to dark again, to pink-and-white to just pink and finally settles on a bright deep red. It suits her, somehow, and as Robbie tries to think of a way to tell her this, Andre smiles slow and drawls, "Little Red. Yeah. I think you found your color."

Robbie's slowly getting over his fear of Improv class (and Jade). He utilizes Rex more, using him to make the snarky comments he'd hardly even think to think, nonetheless say. He's getting better at guitar, too – sometimes he and Andre will hang out in the empty classroom once the final bell rings and just pluck strings, and then Robbie will take the late bus home. Andre lives closeby with his grandmother and can walk home. He says he doesn't like to go home too early because her reading group meets there, and if hell isn't a group of old black ladies pinching your cheeks, he doesn't know what is. Robbie smiles, but doesn't share any stories of his time spent at the nursing home. He _wants_ to tell Andre about it, but he can't make the words come out. He thinks dismally of his useless little lungs, snatching up his words and squeezing them so they merely come out as a weak breath.

He and Beck talk more and more – well, mostly Beck talks, and Robbie listens. He never really has anything particularly thrilling to say, and he feels boring and young compared to Beck. Beck's mother ran away back to Bolivia a few years ago and he has an older sister in her twenties who lives in San Diego, but it's just him and his ass of a dad alone in their big house now. Robbie doesn't think Beck's father sounds too bad – any father would be mad if their fifteen-year-old son was smoking, and he probably _does_ spend too much time with Jade, actually. But Robbie doesn't think Beck would want to hear those things, so he keeps his thoughts to himself. Beck asks about Robbie's family, probably wanting to commiserate, but when Robbie just stammers and stutters, he doesn't try to ask again.

Jade pierces her eyebrow and spends a week being grounded and almost as long out of school, battling the dress-code policy. Robbie doesn't think a pierced face matters much when the majority of females in their class bounce around in what are basically cut-up sports bras, and when Rex pipes up with this, Jade coolly arches her now studded brow at him and says, "_Thank you,_ Shapiro." It's the nicest she's ever, ever been to him, and he doesn't use Rex for the rest of the day.

Robbie doesn't get a part in the play, _Oliver! _but Beck plays the Dodger and Robbie gets to help out with lighting for the show. He's glad because he already knows all this stuff anyway, and doesn't have to go to most of the rehearsals. It leaves him plenty of time to spend at the nursing home. He chatters on and on, all about the play and how opening weekend is coming up, and his father smiles and nods and touches his shoulder. His heart sinks, though, when his father asks him what he's been doing in school lately just a few minutes later.

Sometimes, Robbie forgets too.

_Oliver! i_s a huge success and Robbie only screwed up one light cue on the first night. His name is even in the entertainment booklet under _Production!_ He saves a copy to give to Jessica. She's wanted to come, but Mom had said maybe Sunday, and Jess had stomped and whined that _Robbie isn't even doing lighting then. _His mother had done her sharp-frowning thing and apologized but said she had to work and couldn't get out of it.

Cat is calling his name. He'd ridden his bike to the school early in the day to help set up, though he's not looking forward to pedaling home in the dark, he thinks as he pushes through the crowds of happy families. Robbie is so lost in thought he almost doesn't hear her, but then Beck and Andre chime in and Robbie turns slowly and they're there. Andre claps him on the back and Beck tells him good job with the lighting. Jade leans into Beck and doesn't say anything, but at least she isn't sneering. She hadn't tried out for the play but Robbie guesses she was in the audience to see Beck.

Cat bubbles that her brother is taking them all out for burgers, does he want to come? and her brother used to work in a meat factory and once he found a finger in a package of chicken, but no one ever claimed the finger, isn't that so weird? Robbie hesitates, but he really doesn't have any reason not to go - Jess is sleeping over at her new BFF, Lizzie's, and anyway Mom should be home at some point tonight.

They hang out in the slowly-emptying parking lot for a few moments until Cat shrieks and waves frantically at a vehicle that's rumbling towards them. A skinny, college-aged boy with a tattoo _on his face _pulls up and they all crowd into the kid's huge van that has leopard-print carpeting and smells oddly like a skunk. Robbie's fairly quiet, but everyone else is giggling, talking, and laughing, and Robbie feels all right. He's smushed in between Cat and Andre, and elbows are everywhere. He'd left Rex at home for the evening, but he doesn't even feel very nervous.

There isn't really very much he can eat at the burger joint, but he isn't too hungry anyway, still slightly pumped from being entrusted with the spotlights. He drinks water and splits french fries with Cat who takes the crispy ones and dips them into her strawberry milkshake with much relish. Robbie pulls out his play booklet and asks them to sign it for Jess and they all do, even Jade, who scribbles out her name with a great flourish. Beck and Cat write cute messages into the booklet – Jess will be thrilled, probably, just the idea of Hollywood Arts is SO COOL to her and is disappointed she can't go there for soccer – and Cat spends the rest of their time at the restaurant covering every white space in the little booklet with hearts and flowers and doodles. Cat's brother sits at the next table, looking dirty and conspicuous, picking at his nails with a fork and shrinking down whenever the waitress walks past.

Eventually all the food is eaten and the waitress's smile begins to looks more and more forced as the minutes tick by. Andre finally makes the call that they should head out, and they all pull out the appropriate amount of money and slowly filter out. Beck, Andre, and Robbie debate on tip money and leave her a good one. Cat's brother discreetly puts most of their silverware into his trenchcoat.

The gang drops Robbie and Andre off back at the school. Robbie waves goodbye to the group. Andre seems to hang back, so Robbie slowly starts wheeling his bike down the first block that they will walk together before they part instead of just hopping on and cycling off. They chatter aimlessly until it's time for Robbie to turn, and Andre bounces a little on his heels and beams at him.

"It's cool you came out with us, Rob. We should all hang out more."

"Yeah, okay," Robbie says. He's a little shocked – he's so damn boring all the time, and Andre is always shaking his head and laughing and calling Robbie an old man because Robbie never gets the slang he used and blushes when Andre and Beck talk about girls. He doesn't intend it to be mean, but it makes Robbie feel a little bad nonetheless. "That'd be cool."

"Cool, man! Well, it's late, don't want my grandmother to think The Man's got me again. I'll see you in class, a'ight?" Robbie says goodbye, Andre starts walking, chuckling to himself, and Robbie pedals home.

The kitchen light is on when Robbie finally gets in and puts his bike in the garage. His mother is standing leaning against the kitchen counter, still dressed in her linen suit, but her heels are in a jumbled pile next to her. Her toenails are painted dark red like Cat's hair. She's drinking something gold and clear from a glass – maybe whiskey or brandy, or really flat ginger ale. She smiles briefly at him.

"There you are. I just got in a bit ago and you weren't in your room. I thought you would have been in earlier."

Robbie opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water. "I went out to eat...with some of my friends."

At this his mother smiles again, a real smile. "Your play opened tonight, yes? How was it?"

"Good." He collapses into a kitchen chair, drinks heavily. "It was really good! I sort of messed up the second scene but I don't think anyone cared and Beck saved it by making a joke about the sun in his eyes. And Cat painted the scenery all weird colors but I guess it kind of worked." He's so pent up with energy. It's the most he's said to his mother in weeks.

"I'm glad you're enjoying school," she says. She looks tired – she looks old, Robbie notes. She sips from her glass, and the ends of her mouth are always pointing down.

"How was work?" he asks.

She sets the glass down on the counter, glances at him, turns her mouth corners up for a short second. "Oh, you know. It was shit."

Robbie smiles involuntarily, and she smiles back – a real smile, a secret smile, one that he had actually forgotten she was capable of.

Sometimes, less and less, but it isn't her fault, really – they do have moments where they genuinely get along, and he does love her then, intensely. But later these moments will make him brood, make him question things. Why are they so difficult, he and she? If he was only just a little bit different – he doesn't know how he could possibly be different, but if he was– he thinks their relationship would be so changed, so much better. It must be him that needs to be different. He can never see her at fault for anything. Although he was and is (he remembered her saying the phrase to his father once, years and years ago, when she thought he wasn't listening) such a daddy's boy, she is his mother, and sometimes she is still the very biggest thing in the universe to him, she is the sun. He was made from her. He is her son, a part of her.

So it must be him who is the different one. His mother is so prim and proper, and he can be in a way, too ("old man Robbie!" Andre will say when Robbie is appalled at the words that come from Jade's mouth), but Jessica isn't, not at all, and while he knows she isn't particularly close with their mother either, she doesn't..._hurt_ herself over it. Jessica doesn't dwell and pout like Robbie does, and though she is far more insolent that he, more apt to break the rules and act out and argue, Robbie is the one to get the droop-down lips of disapproval much more often. He doesn't know how to please his mother, how to make their relationship be easy.

But these thoughts won't bother him tonight, not for a while. Right now, he is in the warmly lit kitchen, full of french fries that he consumed with his friends, and his mother is actually home for once and she is smiling at him, and she said a curse word! She nudges her discarded heels closer to the door and takes a seat across from Robbie. She apologizes for swearing, and tells him a little bit about the man she is currently defending in court. The judge is a jerk and a womanizer and she loathes him. Even when he was much smaller, she always spoke to Robbie as if he was an adult, and he can appreciate it at times, such as now.

A few minutes later, she looks up at him, really looks. Her eyes are light brown, and so, so tired behind her spectacles. "I did want to come to your play tonight, Robert. I truly did. But I need … I have to work."

"I know, Mom," he says. He has never not known that they were wealthy, but his mother is now the sole income provider for their household. His father had been a social worker before – definitely a lesser salary than his mother, but still a substantial one, and now that is gone. Robbie doesn't know much about bills or taxes but he knows that she's paying for this great big house and Robbie's school and The Sterling Home and none of those things are inexpensive. "It's okay."

"I am really sorry, though," and he knows she must be tired and it's probably not her first drink because she hardly ever uses words like 'really.' "Sunday we will go. I know you aren't in that day's production...but maybe we can still convince Jessica to go? I'm sure you know every line however..."

"It would be cool to be in the audience, though," Robbie says. "And Sikowitz...my acting teacher? He still wants to meet you."

"All right then." She gets as close to beaming at him as he thinks is humanly possible for someone such as his mother. He beams back. It's almost midnight, but he feels the sun.

"We're still going to see Dad, though, right?"

"Yes...yes, of course we are." Her eyes, he thinks, lose some of that dim shine they have, but he can't be sure. "Of course we are."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Summer arrives and Robbie is left alone again.

It's the last day of his first year at Hollywood Arts and it fades quietly, not with a bang, but a whimper. They'd read that TS Eliot poem in English this year and Robbie had enjoyed it, though it made him sad. The students rush out in a mad trample once the last bell sounds, but Robbie meanders out of the building at a much slower pace, looking at everything and detailing it away in his mind as, holding his arm out and letting his fingers trail down a row of lockers as he walks on. He and his mother haven't discussed his returning to HA the next year. He _wants_ to come back – he likes acting and stagework and his music classes, but he'd think anyone who looked at him and saw true passion would be a fool, and he knows HA is expensive.

It's not something he needs, like how his father needs the Sterling Home. It's been over a year since they had moved him there and Robbie can now admit that this is where his father needs to be. The people that work there are kind and professional. They don't get upset when his father gets agitated or disoriented; they aren't hurt when he occasionally can't remember their names. It hurts to admit that, though. There are times, small windows of time, when Robbie doesn't think of his father at all, and it's strange and jarring, not to have that heavy cloud over him, that worry and sadness. When Dad had been diagnosed, Robbie hadn't thought there would ever be a time when he wouldn't be thinking of his father in some way. Now, he's catching himself more and more often, _not_ preoccupied with Dad, and he feels sick and shameful.

Home is better without Dad there now. It's the truth but it makes Robbie feel like a heretic. This huge guilt spurs him to spend even more time with his father, and he starts going three or four days a week, much earlier in the day now that school's out, and still on Saturdays and Sundays with Jessica and his mother.

He does hear from the Hollywood Arts gang a few times, and it surprises him. He's never had true good friends before. When he was much younger, he'd had a best friend, Tommy, and they'd played video games and traded Pokemon cards and laughed a lot, but he had moved away after their first year at middle school. He's never found anyone he'd gotten along with so well after that, but he supposes that after the age of eight his standards had changed a little.

Cat is on a cross-country road trip with her family – therapeutic for her brother, he thinks is what she yells to him from a static-y phone connection somewhere near the Grand Canyon. She'll be gone until the end of August, but she says she'll send Robbie post cards if he gives her his address. He does.

Andre texts him a few times, and Beck does even more, and actually calls now and then. Sometimes Robbie responds to his messages and answers the phone when he sees Beck's number, but more often he doesn't. The thought of spending his days with these people, having fun with them, wasting time that could be spent with his father who at any day could just totally forget his existence, makes Robbie feel ill.

On a rare Friday morning, Robbie comes downstairs and his mother is home. There is a frying pan with burnt eggs just about shellacked onto it, and his mother and sister are both eating dry cereal. It makes Robbie smile. His mom is a worse cook than he is, and she's had over twenty years more than him to get at least kind of good at it. He's sure Jess and his mom have just been talking before he came into the room, but they stop abruptly when he enters.

"Good morning, Robbie," his mother says. She eyes him as he pours himself a cup of coffee but doesn't stop him. Jess weaves around him, squawking when he tugs on her ponytail, to put her empty bowl in the sink and head upstairs to get changed.

"Do you have plans for the day?" Mom asks him.

He shrugs. "Just going to see Dad, I guess."

His mother...wait for it... frowns. "I see."

Robbie looks at his coffee cup for a few minutes, thinking, debating. He knows he goes to visit his father more frequently than she approves. He doesn't understand _why_ she doesn't approve, but he does know that she doesn't. He could just ignore her frown, drink his coffee, and leave quickly – his mother loves courtroom confrontations, but at home, she's as adverse to them as he is. However...it must be Beck's tales of constant rebellion that get to him. He decides to take the bait. Finally he asks, "What's bad about that?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all."

"You made that face that you make."

His mother smiles slightly into her own coffee cup. "I do have a face, yes." He doesn't really smile back, and she sobers. "It's just...you've been spending an awful lot of time at the retirement home as of late."

"It's summer," he says flatly.

"Yes, I'm aware, Robert." She looks at him sharply. "You have summer projects – have you worked on any of that? I know you have books to read, that guitar book to study. What about your math packet?"

"I haven't started those yet," he mutters. But it's not even halfway through July! In years before he'd sometimes get started on his next-year schoolwork right away, maybe even the first week, but that was when Dad was well and would help him, and his mother didn't work so much and she'd encourage him and sometimes she'd let him sit in her office and read his books while she went over her own paperwork.

"And you have that summer acting improvisation course that your ... I suppose the correct term is 'teacher,' but I hesitate to allow him those credentials ... is throwing...that's in two weeks. I haven't seen Rex about."

"Mom, geez, I mean, we haven't even talked about me going back to Hollywood Arts!" he bursts out with.

His mother looks honestly shocked. "I thought you enjoyed it there."

Instantly he feels badly for raising his voice. "I did. I mean, I do. But..."

She waits. When he doesn't speak for a few moments, she prompts him gently: "Robbie?"

_(Breath, Robbie!)_

He does breathe, and he doesn't know the reason why his face suddenly feels hot or why his stomach is now knotted, "I do like Hollywood Arts...but it's just a school. I mean, I'm not even that good at anything, really. And isn't it expensive? If I didn't go there you wouldn't have to work so much. You...you have to pay for everything now, Mom."

His mother had opened and closed her mouth several times during these statements, but she waits until he's finished to speak. "Robert...the tuition is not a problem." She sucks on her cheek, sips her coffee quickly. "Answer me a question?" He nods. "Do you enjoy Hollywood Arts?"

"Of course," he says.

"Well, then," she says, as if that's just everything. "They've a good English program, from the looks of it, and experience in technical production is nothing to snort at. Another question: Do you want to return?"

"Yee-es," he says reluctantly. His mother nods, but then frowns slightly.

"Robbie..." she begins, and purses her lips. "Is that all? What I mean to say is, is it just the money you are concerned about?"

"I ... I guess. I don't know. Why?"

She shakes her head a little, looking at her coffee cup, tapping the ceramic mug with a long fingernail. "Nothing. It's just, sometimes I think..." She looks up at him again. She says finally, "It is all right, Robert, to be happy, and to find things to do that you enjoy."

"I - I know that!" He's puzzled and indignant.

"Your father being unwell doesn't mean you should sacrifice your own well-being for him. You shouldn't feel badly about spending time with your friends."

"I don't do that," Robbie frowns.

His mother raises her eyebrows. "That boy, Beckett? Has called the house phone several times. I can't help but assume he has tried your cell phone first. You have a package from Caterina that has sat unopened for over a week now."

"God, so what? You don't even know what you're talking about!" he cries, pushing up from his chair. He grabs his mug and storms to the sink. "I don't even know what Hollywood Arts or my friends calling has to do with Dad."

"Don't you think your father would be pleased to hear you're making friends?" He hears his mother's desperate voice behind him. "Live your life, Robbie. We all have to regardless. You don't have anything to feel guilty about! Your father's illness is not your fault. And you have plenty of time, much time, to spend with him. Be with your friends! Go to your school!"

"Whatever," he snaps, and tears out of the kitchen. "Crazy!" He raises his voice so that she can hear him: "_Crazy!_"

* * *

He does get what his mom is saying but it doesn't change how he feels. Doesn't she understand that he _wants_ to spend the time that he does with his father? Anyway, he's got obligations! The other residents all know him and some of them would be upset if he didn't stop by _sometimes. _He plays chess with Mr Norton now on Mondays too and he always, always stops in whenever he's there to talk to Mrs. Savidge. She's the sweetest lady he's ever met. She always has a kind word for him, and pesters the chef in the kitchen until he brings them chocolate mousse pie to eat together, and she's knitting him a scarf for the winter ("A little early, but I don't have to rush this way," she says).

He likes Mrs. Savidge a lot. He's never really had a grandmother – his mother doesn't speak to her parents, and his dad's mom passed away when Robbie was three or four, so he supposes she provides some sort of unadulterated sweetness that he's never been privy to before. She speaks of her daughter often, and several times he's seen a middle-aged woman in her room, looking tired as two small children scramble about, asking questions and touching trinkets and pulling curtains and bedsheets. Sometimes Mrs Savidge will tell him stories about her family, like how she still has the nightgown she wore on her wedding night, and how when she was pregnant with her daughter, the pregnancy did something weird to her (he can't remember what it is she called it) that sucked all the calcium out of her teeth and she slowly lost them all, one by one. She's had her dentures since before she was thirty.

The thought of that made Robbie incredibly sad, and he ruminates on it a lot, feeling melancholy and somehow constricted. Mrs Savidge loves her family very much – it's obvious to see how much she misses her late husband, and she just lights up with pride when she speaks of her daughter, the schoolteacher. She loved her daughter so much, carried her in her belly, loving her, even though the whole pregnancy made her very ill, she tells Robbie. Raised and cared for this daughter as all of her once beautiful, healthy teeth just fell right out of her head.

And what does she get, he wonders, for that love? A set of outdated dentures and a visit from the screaming grand-kids once a month if she's lucky. Sometimes she'll, at random, take Robbie's hand and squeeze it tightly in her gnarled own. "Your father _loves you,_" she said to him once, and has since reiterated. "Oh, honey, it's so unfair...that an old woman like me will wake up each day knowing my own name and the proper date, and your young daddy's mind is getting eaten up...but, honey, we can't forget everything, no. He talks about you so much...how you were when you were younger...oh, he about bursts with pride. He just loves you so, so much, babydoll."

So when he sees Mrs Savidge with her daughter, it ... it _hurts_ him. Her daughter has grown up and has her own life now, a life far separate from this old woman and her unyielding devotion. He can't demean his father's love in that way, can't let him fade into the background, become an afterthought, especially since this is the time when he needs a father the most...and his father needs him.

* * *

After the argument with his mother, Robbie stomps off to the garage and gets onto his bike. He rides down the heart of town and uses some of his allowance to buy his dad a new record. From there on he heads to the Home and spends the whole day there, in Dad's room, just watching TV with him and listening to John Fogerty howl. It's nearly nine when his mother comes to fetch him. She kisses Robbie's father, fusses with his collar and speaks softly to him, words that Robbie can't hear because he's pointedly ignoring her and focused on the TV.

He looks up, finally, when he feels her standing above him. "I didn't want you to have to ride your bike home so late," she says simply. He just looks at her and she looks back. She asks, "Are you ready to go home?"

Slowly, he nods. He slides off the bed and gets his stuff together. He says goodnight to his father and hugs him tightly. The tension he's felt all day ebbs away when Dad's arms go around him. His mother follows him out of the building and watches him load his bike into the back of her car.

The ride home is mostly silent. "I paid your tuition for the next semester at Hollywood Arts," she informs him, not taking her eyes from the dark road.

"Thank you," he mumbles.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, Robbie. You act like I was going to forbid you from seeing your father!" He doesn't say anything. "I just want you to be happy. Can't you see that?"

He can, but he doesn't know what to do with it.

When he gets home, he picks up the haphazardly wrapped package from Cat that's been left out. Up in his room, he opens it – she's sent him a t-shirt that proclaims in bold red letters JERSEY BOYS GET IT DONE and one of those sticky plastic toys that stretch out, a purple dinosaur. He can't help laughing as he puts the shirt away in his dresser and sets the little dinosaur on the shelf above it.

A few days later, when Beck calls him again, he answers. Beck is excited and happy to hear from him, and only spends a moment berating Robbie for falling off the face of the earth. He wants Robbie to come over and see the new RV his father has set up for him. Robbie rides his bike over that afternoon, and he's the first one to see it, even before Jade. Beck can't drive the RV yet, obviously, and the huge vehicle sits in the corner of the Oliver's driveway, the driveway that's practically the size of Robbie's whole house, which isn't small by any means.

They eat pretzels and drink soda and play video games long into the night, laughing and talking about Sikowitz's class and the weird, random messages in the postcards that Cat has sent them both. They watch an old, shitty quality Vincent Price movie from the collection of DVDs Beck has stocked up on, and Robbie stays awake long after Beck has drifted off to sleep beside him, captivated by the weird zombie hybrids the main character is battling onscreen. "I was going to cure you!" Price yells desperately. He drifts off to sleep and dreams in black-and-white. Beck has work in the morning, a paper route, so he wakes Robbie early on his way out, and tells Robbie to just chill for however long. "This was really fun," Beck tells him, grinning. "I'll see you around – we can hang out whenever now."

The rest of the summer passes quickly. He sees a lot more of Beck and Andre, sometimes Jade too. He doesn't see them too much, though – he still spends much time at the home with his father. But now when he goes there, he tells his father about his friends. He brings the old guitar Andre's let him borrow and shows his father the chords he knows, and sometimes Dad will play it, too, slowly, showing Robbie different ways to pluck the strings and change the simple melodies he knows.

Cat comes back in mid-August, deeply tanned and sporting a brand-new push-up bra, and Robbie feels oddly light-headed in her presence. One ;ate afternoon, as August is dwindling to an end he hears the sound of a car pulling up, and he looks through the front door to see Jade carefully parking in his driveway, all of them crammed into her car – Beck, Andre, and Cat. He lets them in, surprised, and they all raid his fridge, Jade muttering about how the family must be some sort of weird health nuts as she takes it upon herself to pour a glass of orange juice.

He asks them, haltingly, not that he isn't pleased, but what are they doing here?

"It's your birthday, ain't it?" Andre asks, and he, Cat, Beck share a secret smile.

They drag Robbie out to the car. They have presents for him! It's the best day of his whole year, maybe even the past two.

Andre gives him a few Bob Marley CDs that he's burned and a book of guitar melodies, way better than the one he's required to study for Hollywood Arts. Cat gives him a huge box of things that she's bought and collected for him on her road trip with her family. A lot of it is silly stuff, nick-knacks and trinkets, but she also gives him a bottle of shells that she's picked herself on various beaches, and a shiny, polished clam shell. The shell is hollowed out but still sealed shut. Two small holes have been drilled into its side, probably for a girl to make a necklace out of ("I think it's full of secrets," she confides in him later. "Like you must be!").

Beck gives him a copy of Crash Bandicoot, an old PlayStation game they've both talked about loving. Robbie has a couple of the sequel games and he and Beck have played them in his RV, but he hasn't been able to find the original ever. Beck also gives him a hardcover book on the life of Shari Lewis, which Robbie laughs at and flips through. "Probably the best ventriloquist of all time," Beck declares earnestly. "You can't get any better than Lambchop!"

Jade stands a little awkwardly to the side, not exactly sneering but not looking happy either, bouncing a little on the balls of her feet, fingers hooked in the beltloops of her jeans. Beck, Jade, and Andre look at her expectantly. Robbie doesn't; he wouldn't call Jade an enemy, really – she doesn't put that much effort into him – he'd hesitate to call her a friend, too. Just her driving the others here is present enough, he thinks. Finally she sighs heavily and opens the rear driver's side door, rummages around in the back, and pulls out a package wrapped in what looks to be black-painted newsprint paper. "Here," she says grudgingly, holding it out.

He takes it with much trepidation and opens it with even more. She's given him two DVD packs – a Vincent Price 'Scream Legends Collection,' and a 100 Years of Horror boxed set. The Vincent Price DVD is encased in some sort of metal box, the lettering and picture of the man shiny and upraised. Robbie's so shocked, he can't even speak for a moment, just looking at the items with his mouth open slightly.

Jade glares at the other three again before turning back to Robbie. "Look – Beck said you really liked those movies you guys watched at his house. They were _mine_ to start with and he was totally supposed to watch them with me." She spares Beck another venomous glance, who smiles nervously with his teeth and steps behind Andre. "Anyway, Vincent Price is really fricking cool and you need some, like, culture in your life to make you less of a loser."

"Jade," Robbie goggles, "Jade, wow."

"Yeah," she rolls her eyes at him. "Well, the Price one doesn't really have his really good movies _in my opinion,_ but they're the best quality ones since the shit's so old. And I figured you might like the horror thing too, it talks about him a lot. Don't flip out because my dad's the accountant for some dude who works at MGM so I basically got them for free."

He does something so out of character – gripping the package awkwardly, he impulsively hugs her. The most startling part of it all is that she lets him - doesn't hug him back by any means, but stands there ridgedly for about two seconds before roughly pulling away.

"Christ, Shapiro, don't cry or anything," she growls with more poison that usual.

Robbie doesn't care. He beams at her, carefully slipping the DVDs atop the car and grabbing Andre, who's closest, then Beck and then Cat, squeezing them tightly. Andre pounds his back and and yells HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROB, Beck laughs too and envelopes him easily. When hugs Cat, she giggles with glee, wrapping her arms around him, squeezing him below his shoulder-blades and actually, incredibly, overtakes the embrace, lifting him almost off his feet. He can smell her gummy bear body spray and feels the weight of her small breasts crushing against his chest. He almost passes out.

Finally she releases him, holds him at arm's length, stumbling and bubbling with soft laughter. "We were going to get you a cake but we knew you couldn't eat it!" she tells him.

He laughs. "That's...that's really thoughtful, I think."

It's an incredible feeling, really, to be thought of.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Labor Day comes and for the first time in years their mother has off of work to spend with them. They go down to the creek and grill hot dogs and burgers with several dozen other families. Robbie searches the crowds, looking for any other familiar faces, just in case – they hadn't gone to the same middle schools, but he knows now that Cat and Jade live near-ish to him, on the border of the next town over. He doesn't see the anyone he knows, though. He chases Jessica across the rocky waterline of the creek and they catch tadpoles and his mother makes a fuss and makes Robbie walk back to the car for her emergency hand sanitizer.

School starts, and Robbie's happy to see all of them back at Hollywood Arts. Jade is the only one of them who can drive; she'd turned sixteen in May, right before the school year had let out (Cat had told him that Jade was so old because she'd been held back a year and gone through the fourth grade twice. That's shocking news to Robbie – he knows that Jade is really, scarily smart. She isn't much into math or science like he is but she's in a higher English class than him, and sometimes he passes by the study hall room and sees her reading _for fun_. Cat shrugs breezily when he points this out, saying, "She switched school districts when her dad got custody of her. I guess all the classes were too different or something"). Usually she drives Cat to school and sometimes when she's feeling generous she'll come by and pick up Robbie too.

Robbie is the baby of the group. He won't turn sixteen until August, practically another year away.

The first few weeks Jade is grim and silent when she takes them to school, still adjusting to driving and probably nervous. She's white-knuckled as she grips the steering wheel tightly and edges onto the interstate that's the only way to get to Hollywood Arts from where they live. Eventually she grows more comfortable, and Robbie enjoys these morning rides to school, sitting quietly in the backseat with Rex as Jade and Cat belt out tunes along with the radio, and they both laugh a lot whenever Robbie sings along too. Sometimes on weekend evenings he'll hear the beep of a horn and she'll be outside with Cat, and they'll all troop over to Beck's for the night.

Aside from the incoming freshmen, there's only one new student at school this year, a junior named Katrina Vega. "You can call me Trina," she actually purrs, leaning way too close to Beck in the hallway. Robbie can actually feel Jade prickling up beside him, and uses Rex to ask Trina, "And can I call you _Momma?_" Trina looks him up and down, disgusted, Beck rolls his eyes, and Jade smirks.

Robbie doesn't have as much time to himself now – he's in Advanced Placement Physics this year and Sikowitz had recommended him for the school's stage production class. Weeks pass quickly between homework, Rex, his guitar, and the weekend excursions to Beck's. Beck has an Xbox now and they kill a lot of zombies. Jade always takes up Beck's whole bed as she eats microwaved Ramen noodles and makes fun of how big Robbie's hair gets in the fall humidity and _ruins_ his kill ratio. Sometimes they'll all watch horror movies that she's brought over, and Beck will laugh at how serious Robbie and Jade will get while watching them, teasing and tugging on Jade's colored hair extensions and throwing popcorn at her. Jade shrieks at him and slaps his arms. Cat gasps whenever anything remotely frightening happens and hides her face, sometimes burrowing into Robbie's thin shoulder, and he'll smile and blush in the darkness and tell her when it's over and she can look again.

The rest of the time that he has, he spends at the nursing home. His father's condition seems to have stagnated for the time being. He does forget Robbie's name often now, but seems contrite about it. Dad likes to hear about his friends. Robbie's been talking about Hollywood Arts so much ober the past year that it's actually something Dad generally remembers. And it's not a perk of the disease at all, no, but Robbie doesn't ever think he'll get tired of talking about the crazy things Sikowitz does in class or how much he can't stand Trina Vega. He gets to tell his dad again and again about Cat Valentine and her bright red hair and infectious smile when Mr Shapiro asks him about girls. "My son's first crush," Dad says sometimes, and though Robbie's heard it before it still makes him grin.

Trina sometimes forces herself into their little group, sitting with them at lunch once or sometimes twice a week, and Robbie hates these days. Trina isn't very nice to him – well, she isn't particularly nice to any of them aside from Beck, and Jade is especially mean when Trina's around. The tension in the air when Trina's there is suffocating and pours over Robbie thickly, enveloping him. Beck must know how jealous Jade gets, but he never slides away from Trina when she sits too close, and laughs at her when she flirts with him but never directly discourages her. Robbie admits that he has a bit of a case of hero-worship when it comes to Beck, but this he doesn't understand at all.

Jade takes out her anger on Robbie and Andre and Cat, and all Robbie can do is use Rex to make stupid jokes to try and diffuse some of her hurtful comments. Cat doesn't seem bothered by it at all when Jade is horrible to her, and Robbie is so impressed by her sunny demeanor. Lately he can't do anything but be tongue-tied in Cat's presence, but if she notices, she doesn't seem to mind. The whole gang teams up with Sikowitz and creates a fake ping-pong team. It's weird to be sort-of friends with a teacher, but it's also kind of cool, too, Robbie thinks, as he and Beck are hanging out in Robbie's room for a rare change, getting dressed for the fancy dinner they're all going to on the school's dime. Beck confides in Robbie that he thinks he and Jade are going to "do it" soon. Robbie flushes but for the most part (he hopes) manages to hide his shock.

The go to the Walnut Garden and for the whole night Robbie can't stop thinking of what Beck's told him. He knows Beck and Jade have been going out for a long time, ten months now, but he can't help thinking that they're all so _young_ still. And he wonders if Beck's told Andre too and hopes he hasn't, as he watches Jade watching Beck.

He doesn't understand how he can feel so immature compared to them all, how he can feel so far behind. His body is changing, yeah, but he hasn't even thought of the word _sex. _He can't even bring himself to ask Cat to hang out alone with him, nonetheless imagine kissing her, or, ohgodohgod, _more than that. _Even _thinking about_ thinking about doing more than kissing Cat makes him blush furiously and he has to drink his whole glass of water and then ask for more.

As October slides away, his mom tells him to start thinking about cars. If he wants to get a job, she tells him, she'll cover the difference of a nicer car. He decides that once the semester ends and his class schedule is more lax, he'll start looking, for both a car and a job. His mom has been giving him a really nice allowance since the start of summer – probably way more than is appropriate. She's hardly ever home, and Jess is still a kid; Robbie has always been the neat-freak of the household and he's been picking up after everyone his whole life. He puts nearly all of the money away in the bottom drawer of his nightstand. He rarely buys himself anything and all he ever uses the money for is to buy food when he and his friends go out, and every other week or so he'll give Jade a twenty for sometimes taking him too school. It's too much, she says, but takes it anyway. By December, his sock drawer is stuffed with tens and twenties, and he's got over eight hundred dollars saved.

Christmas is coming and Robbie takes half of his money and picks out gifts for his friends. The new Call of Duty for Beck, a cool-sounding guitar pedal for Andre. Andre is at Hollywood Arts on a scholarship and he knows the pedal costs more than Andre would ever spend on himself. He gets Cat a hefty gift certificate to the Disney store and finds a website online where he can order her a glittery metal wand with a star on the end and a matching pink tiara. It's weird – how well he knows Cat but at the same time doesn't know her. In a way she's his closest friend, really; they interact and text even more than he and Beck do. She can talk to Robbie for hours without ever really telling him anything. He knows the presents he's gotten her are the silliest ones, but he's also pretty sure she'll be made happiest by them. For Jade he gets a few hardcover Stephen King books – he sees her reading them all the time, these tattered old copies that look like they've been stolen from the library, and he picks out a few that he hasn't seen her with. He buys her _Under the Dome, Christine, Different Seasons, _and the first book in a series called _The Dark Tower._ The cover looks cool.

Robbie's mom works through Christmas and leaves them her credit card to have dinner with. She calls Robbie to tell them that she hasn't had the time to pick out presents, but they'll all go shopping next week. He doesn't care that she isn't here, not really, but he does care when he sees Jessica looking tearfully at the place where their tree and presents have sat in previous years. He uses Mom's credit card to call in for a huge Turduckhen from the fanciest restaurant that will deliver, and more sides than he and Jess can hope to eat in weeks (most of them, actually, Robbie's pretty sure his body can't even process). He downloads Elvis's Christmas album and sets it to blaring on the living room's computer speakers, and he and Jess laugh and eat what they can and just _talk_, like they haven't been able to for a few months.

Two days after Christmas the gang gathers in Beck's RV to celebrate. They don't all have presents for each other – aside from Cat, Robbie's the only one who's got something for everyone, and most of Cat's gifts are random, silly, and inexpensive. Robbie feels a little dumb and tries to hide the bulging bag he'd put their stuff in behind the beanbag chair Beck's got set up in the RV.

Beck has a gallon of eggnog that he's heavily spiked with liquor from his father's booze cabinet. Robbie's never drank before, but even Cat accepts her red plastic cup with ease, so when Beck moves to hand him one, he takes it. He has to fight not to do a spit take, but feels a little better when he notices Andre grimacing too. By the time he's finished his first cup, though, it hardly tastes bad anymore.

Eventually, after another cup filled to the brim with mostly alcoholic eggnog, he does decide to give his friends the gifts, starting with Beck, as it's the first one he pulls out. Beck's pleased and thumps him on the back, already moving to hook the Xbox up. Despite the two cups of alcohol working pleasantly through him, he's nervous when he gives Andre his pedal. Andre doesn't make a secret of the fact that he and his grandmother are pretty poor, and Robbie doesn't want him to think it's, like, a pity thing, or something. Luckily, Andre is overjoyed though, positively bursting, and he goes on and on about all the cool things he can do now with the multi-step pedal.

Cat shrieks when he gives her her stuff. She's going a hundred miles per hour, waving the gift card in one hand, singing snippets of songs from the Lion King, the sparkly wand glittering and lighting up in her other hand. She positively screams with laughter when Robbie haphazardly places the tiara on her head, crying, "I'm a fairy princess!" She hugs Robbie close and plants a sloppy kiss on his cheek, her puffy skirt riding up as she half-falls into his lap. Robbie thinks of a line from an old show* he and Jess used to watch when it would come on in the afternoons – _finally, an erection from actual physical contact! _He's glad the RV is mostly dark so that no one can see his red face and that Cat hasn't sprawled herself directly on top of him. He thanks every deity that there ever was when she moves away after a moment and smooths down her skirt, settling back next to him. His head spins and he lets the others chatter around him, feeling the blood thrum through his head and, well, other places.

Jade's resolutely not looking at him – she's been unusually quiet tonight and seemingly hasn't gotten gifts for anyone. Probably Beck, but he's sure they exchanged privately. Beck and Andre and Cat are further up in the RV now, giggling over the TV as Beck sets up the gaming system. Robbie clears his throat as he kneels onto the built-in bed and holds out what's left in the bag to Jade.

"Whatever it is, I don't want it," she says, still not looking at him. Her voice is low and borders gravely on dangerous. Any other time, Robbie would have dropped it immediately, cowering, probably would have thrown the books right out of the window of the RV, but _any other time_ isn't Christmas and he wouldn't be drunk with his friends otherwise.

"Please?" he whines quietly. "Pleeeease? Come on. Where's your holiday spirit, Jade?"

She growls, looks at him with an unreadable expression before snatching the bag from him. She pulls out the four books and just – stops and looks at them for a few minutes.

"Did... Beck tell you I liked Stephen King?" she finally asks, and her voice is a weird tone he's never heard come from her before.

"No, I – I just, I notice. Uh. That I see you reading them sometimes? In your study hall. When I go past. And sometimes you leave his books here in the trailer – just – I haven't seen you with these …. so... I thought..."

She laughs then, but Robbie notes that it's not entirely meanly. "So you're a spy! God, you're a creep, Shapiro." She grows quiet, looking down at the books again. When she speaks, it's barely above a whisper. "I don't have any hardcovers. I just – haven't gotten any of his stuff in a long time. This one I have - " she pushes _Christine_ towards him - "so, yeah, maybe you can read it or something. The main character is a huge dweeb like you so maybe you'll enjoy it. I – haven't read the others. _Under the Dome_ just came out, too. This must be a first edition."

Robbie's beaming like, yeah, okay, a dweeb. "So you'll read them?"

"Of course I'm going to read them," she snaps. "I like books, I'm not going to – to, like, throw them out, because a loser bought them for me." She's tracing the lettering on _Under the Dome_ with a finger. She says, like it pains her, and Robbie's sure it does, "So, like, I guess, thanks."

"You're welcome," he grins.

She looks up at him again, and for the first time Robbie's struck by the thought that she's actually a girl, and is really pretty when she isn't sneering or scowling. "I don't, like, have any money … I had to buy Beck these new stupid fish because I broke his heating light and killed all the others – so I don't, like, have anything to give to you."

"That's okay!" he says quickly. "I don't want anything – I mean, I didn't expect anything, I just, like, I know you hate me but you're my friend, too, even though you'll never say it, so I – yeah. I thought. I don't want anything."

She's still got that weird look on her face. She runs her hand through her chestnut hair, then seems to catch herself and realize that she doesn't have total bitchface on, and glares at him for a second. "You're so goddamn weird, Robbie." She pauses, then says, "Okay, so … I guess... okay, since it's Christmas, I'll give you, like, twelve days you can redeem whenever, and I won't, like, be a total bitch to you, and I won't, you know, like, make fun of you or anything."

Robbie laughs, realizes she's being totally serious, and laughs again. "That's a huge commitment, being nice, Jade West."

"Yeah, it is," she says, and pulls a face so sour he can't help but laugh again. "Never underestimate how hard those twelve chosen days will be for me, Shapiro."

Then Beck's bounding over, actually somehow leaping _over_ Robbie to tackle Jade, and she shrieks as he rolls all over her and messes up her hair, kissing her sloppily and for so long that Robbie has to look away. "Baby, baby, let's play Call of Duty. You know you've got the best aim." Jade laughs, shoves him and yanks his dark hair, kisses him, and catches Robbie's eye as she gets up and moves away, and then she gives Robbie a tiny, miniscule, almost nonexistent but yeah it's definitely there, smile.

He smiles back, even though she's turned away from him now, and stretches out on the bed. He stacks the books up and puts them on the little table that her purse is laying out on. Eventually, Cat and Andre come back over and squish onto the mattress with him, and they watch Beck and Jade log onto the screen and start story-mode. The glow from the TV flickers, lighting up Cat and Andre's faces as he looks around at them, and the few tiny string lights Beck's put up make everything look soft and warm around the edges.

He can feel Cat's arm brushing his own and smells the light perfume she has on. He can't help but think she's so pretty. Whenever Andre moves, the mattress dips down slightly, reminding Robbie that he's there. Robbie feels immovable and calm. He thinks about his friends. He thinks about how much he can exasperate Beck and Andre - when he blushes about girls or doesn't know the big rock star or video game that they're talking about - but still they wait for him after class and he's even heard Beck tell someone in the hallway, "Robbie Shapiro? He's, like, my best friend." He thinks about Cat's wet kiss to his cheek and the way that Jade's whole face changed when she was looking at the books. This is what feeling good about yourself feels like, he realizes. It's an emotion that hasn't overcome him in an incredibly long time. It is, he decides, a really, really good feeling.

Vaguely he considers the slightly blurred shape of Jade standing over him, waving a controller, and hears Andre's throaty chuckle and his voice say, "I think Rob's on planet Kalamazoo right now. We should just let him hang out there for a while." He's aware of Cat, still wearing her tiara, bouncing up and taking the controller from Jade, moving closer to the screen. Jade settles down in the spot Cat had claimed, gingerly, not wanting to be so close to Robbie. Eventually she does relax, stretching out, and he looks at their socked feet almost touching from a million miles away down on the bed. He pokes the side of her foot with his big toe. She elbows him – not too hard – and Robbie shifts over, making more room from her. He wiggles his toes at her. He feels her looking at him, and then – finally, suddenly, she laughs. Robbie laughs, too, and Andre's giving them a weird look before starting to chuckle himself.

Yes, everything's really, really good.

**Author's Note: * The quote Robbie thinks of when Cat jumps on him is from _My So-Called Life_, aka the best show Jared Leto managed to not ruin. The quote's a thought that Brian, the nerdy kid, has when a cute girl's interested in him.**

**Next chapter Tori will finally come in! And I'll finally be able to move this story forward, hopefully.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Yay!  
**

**This chapter is a long one. I considered splitting it up into two but I couldn't get it to flow correctly. Now we've caught up to the show's actual beginnings. For the sake of the timeline I want I'm squishing way too much into sophomore year. Next chapter might take a bit even though I've got most of it written out because there's a lot of Robbie/Jade interaction and I want to make sure I'm keeping her in character.**

******Huge thanks to everyone who's read up to this far.**  


**Chapter Five**

A few weeks into January, Trina's younger sister, Tori Vega, is accepted into Hollywood Arts. It's practically unheard of for a student to transfer in after a semester's already begun. Tori's something of a special case, though - she fills in for her sister when Trina falls ill and takes her place in the school's talent showcase. The faculty's so impressed that they offer her a spot right then and there.

She's in Robbie's morning Improvisation class, and the first thing she does is piss Jade off by getting close to Beck. Jade calls her a dog and insinuates that she has fleas and basically tears Tori to shreds. Tori comes back the next day and kisses Beck when they're doing a bit on stage. From their seats, Cat and Robbie exchange a look of pure fear.

Robbie doesn't know how to feel. On one hand, he's really impressed with Tori for having enough lady-balls (Andre taught him this term last year) to have stood up to Jade in any way. On the other hand, it's really, really, _really_ bad that she kissed Beck.

Robbie understands that he is a creature of habit. He feels at his best when the things are linear, unchanging. His life isn't always wonderful, but everything tends to have its own warped little place. Beck and Jade are together and happy, Cat's sort of his dreamgirl and almost always by his side, and Andre is a good friend and something of a mentor.

But Tori, Tori changes everything. Andre had met her first, before she was even accepted to Hollywood Arts. He's the one that helped her write and perform the song that she had sang in the showcase, and lately they've been pairing up in class. This now partners him up with Cat, which is totally not unpleasant, but Andre doesn't make him stammer and blush like Cat does and his improv suffers. As well, he's used to staying late at school with Andre. Sometimes they write songs together – Robbie's good at coming up with simple melodies, and it leaves Andre free to freestyle or play piano or come up with lyrics. Now Andre goes to Tori's house a lot. Robbie hears they _drink cocoa _together ("Is that, like, something dirty?" he asks Beck, who laughs for a long time). It's so, so stupid, but it makes Robbie feel unhappy. He and Andre can't drink cocoa together...well, unless they use soy milk, but the general consensus is that stuff's gross.

Cat, too, takes to Tori immediately and now they're always sitting close together at lunch, giggling and talking about boys. And it's not that Robbie doesn't like Tori – she's almost always really nice to him, even though he gets the feeling Rex creeps her out, but … it does suck to be pushed out. It's taken Robbie a long time to feel secure in their group, and he can't help but feel slight resentment at how easily Tori fits in with them.

With Tori's arrival comes waves of drama. Jade dumps Beck for about five minutes – okay, that's totally unrelated to Tori, but _still. _And Trina is around way more, which is, in a word, horrible. Sometimes she even hangs out with them outside of school! It seems like Tori has a million Trina-related problems and everyone else is always willing to help her out.

_Like:_ Jade tricks him, Beck, and Andre into going to Tori's one night and then she sort of kidnaps Tori to go show up some girls at a karaoke club. This would be all fine and dandy, but they leave the boys to take care of Trina, who's just had her wisdom teeth taken out. Robbie hadn't expected to be at Beck's for too long and now he's stuck with doped-up Trina all night. They have to wrestle her down to the couch to give her more medication and Trina screams and spits and _gets her mouth blood on Robbie!_

_Like:_ Trina's birthday comes up and since Tori's around _Trina's_ around bugging everyone and Andre helps Tori write the melody of a song for her to sing for Trina's birthday. This doesn't really affect Robbie, he knows, but he feels stupidly possessive at times and he can't help pouting and thinking that Andre totally wouldn't help him write a birthweek song at the last minute.

_Like:_ Tori and Trina had made a stupid bet or something when they were kids and now Tori has to be Trina's butler for forever and her only escape clause is to have some pop singer come and do a private concert for Trina. That sentence doesn't even make sense in Robbie's head! Cat and Andre pout at him until he agrees to come with them and they spend all night raiding convenience stores for little ice cream cartons that will spell out the singer's name and win the prize. Robbie can't help but eat some of the ice cream; it makes him sick for the whole weekend and he can't go see Dad and he misses Jess's big soccer game.

Jade and Tori are always at each others throats. Robbie _gets_ it – Jade's threatened by Tori, but sometimes Jade just goes way overboard. Like when Jade fakes an injury to try and get them all against Tori and Robbie thinks Tori is, like, a violent sociopath, but then it just out Jade was just faking. She's always saying snide things to Tori when they're at lunch, and while it's better than her being nasty to him (he hasn't even used any of his twelve days yet!), it makes him nervous when the things she says go too far. Now Rex is glued to him every day at lunch as opposed to before, when he'd usually leave Rex in his locker. Tori rolls her eyes when Rex hits on the girls and Jade screams that she's going to throw the puppet into a wood-chipper.

But as time passes things get a little bit better. Sometimes Tori and Jade sort of get along (or, Jade ignores Tori, which is the closest to pacifism Jade's ever going to get), and they all hang out and do stuff together. Tori even gets them all a musical gig … for a children's stage performance.. Robbie has to dress up like a stupid pizza – he can't even eat pizza! - and sing about ice cream and chicken nuggets.

He's depressed when Jess finds it on YouTube and laughs uproariously and goes around singing it for the next month. He'd wanted them to sing the song he wrote, _Broken Glass,_but the rest of the gang had been kind of weirded out by it. It's the first song Robbie's written on his own and he'd penned the lyrics thinking about a time when Jess was a toddler and had broken a waterglass on the floor and had a piece of it halfway to her mouth before Mom had grabbed her up.

At least Jade had liked it.

Beck gets his license and drives them all to the beach one day during a heat wave. They all get stuck in the vehicle when another mobile home parks right up against the door. The hot, moist air triggers Robbie's asthma and he ends up sitting huddled on Beck's bed, wheezing and puffing. It's really embarrassing, but since he's kind of suffocating, he doesn't really care that much. Cat's crying, tears and sweat smearing dark tracks of mascara down her cheeks. She sits with him and squeezes his hand and tells him to _just breathe, Robbie, please._ Everyone else is freaking out and scared. When Beck and Andre's banging and yelling finally attracts some attention, the other vehicle's owners are called back and they quickly peel out of the way. Beck and Andre drags Robbie out to the first aide station where he's administered an inhaler.

The first puff of it makes him gag and choke, but he can finally breathe again. Cat cries some more and spends an hour just sitting on the hot beach with him up he's ready to go into the water. It's not a good day for Robbie's lungs, but Cat did hold his hand and spend practically the whole day with him. On the way home, Beck lets him play Creedence Clearwater and he's surprised when Jade and Cat sing along to most of the songs.

Robbie gets a job at a furniture store and spends a few days a week after school loading tables, couches, and chairs into the company's moving vans. It's hard work but it doesn't pay too badly, and he feels himself slowly getting stronger. He doubts he'll ever be ripped like Andre or even just super-toned like Beck, but it's a start.

Jade dyes her hair black, and Robbie isn't sure how he feels about it. He keeps this thought to himself, though. He starts to read _Christine_ and daydreams about owning a red Plymouth Fury. One that doesn't, you know, kill people. He babbles at Jade about how much he likes the book and asks her questions about the characters and what's going to happen and is the car _really evil_ and she tells him to shut up and keep reading but he swears she almost smiles at him again. A few weeks later, after he tells her he's finished it, she tosses a tattered copy of _Pet Semetary_ at him during their lunch period. Even though he's seen this side of her before, Robbie can't help but be gobsmacked whenever Jade West is almost...nice.

They all get invited to South America to sing for some chancellor. Robbie's hesitant to go – it'll be the longest he's gone without seeing Dad since he got sick. Jess rolls her eyes at him and says, wisely, that if Dad could remember the things Robbie tells him, wouldn't he want his son to go on what's really a week-long free vacation? His mom is excited for him and signs the paperwork at once. She takes him out shopping for new sweaters.

Tori's shoe flies off during rehearsal and hits the chancellor in the eye. He's pretty upset about it, and Tori spends the next few days leading up to the performance brooding and freaking out to anyone who will listen. Jade is a lot more pleasant during this time. She even spends two days exploring with Robbie and Cat! They peer into dim side-street stores and Cat uses SinJin's credit card (Robbie doesn't even want to _know)_ to buy all kinds of weird stuff. Cat speaks in flowing Spanish to the outdoor vendors and knows how to order Robbie a soymilk shake when they all filter into a restaurant. Jade convinces her to flirt with a side-street vendor and buy a carton of cigarettes off of him. Robbie's never smoked, and he's glad when Cat wrinkles her nose and hands Jade the parcel like it's contaminated.

The second day they take a cab outside of the city and spend hours exploring the trails that cover the vast Uruguayan hills. Robbie takes a bazillion pictures of everything. Jade scowls at him and covers her face whenever she sees Robbie raise the camera, but he gets in a lot of good shots anyway: Cat and Jade, in a brief moment, holding hands atop a hill, the sun so bright it reduces the girls to shadows; Cat and Jade mock-fighting with some pieces of old fencepost they'd found alongside the road; Jade laughing; Cat laughing, always. They find a farmhouse and Cat claps and dashes up and speaks to the man working the tractor outside for a long time, and finally he smiles and waves his hand. Cat squeals and takes off in a run and Jade and Robbie give each other the _Cat!_ look and have no choice to dart after her.

She's run to the barn, and is coddling a small calf. Robbie takes about fifty pictures of the cows and sheep in the barn (he makes sure to turn the flash off), and then Cat makes him pose with the baby cow. He even manages to sneak a shot of Jade, petting the animal softly when she thinks Robbie and Cat have left the barn.

They get back and then it's rehearsal for about a million years. Robbie's voice isn't as great as everyone else's, but he can hold a tune, and he tries his hardest, noting how oddly stressed Sikowitz seems to be. The big night comes. Robbie doesn't screw up, at all! He even remembers to keep his mouth from dropping open in awe when Tori and Jade sing the finale. The small crowd the chancellor has in attendance applauds for a long time as they all bow deeply – again, three times! The chancellor is wearing an eye patch, and he's been watching Tori warily throughout the performance.

Robbie comes home, exhausted, and Jess is all alone at the house to greet him. Something prickles in the back of his mind, because he knows he's told his mother the exact time he'd be arriving, but he pushes it away in order to focus on his little sister. She wants to know _everything!_ She keeps him up until two in the morning, asking questions. She can't stop laughing at the story of Tori beaning the chancellor, and how Tori had kept trying to confront him and apologize at the farewell dinner and he would duck her every time.

She sits up with him as he uploads and prints copies of all the pictures he's taken. He lets her take whichever she wants – he notices she mostly takes shots of Beck, but he doesn't mention it. Finally, nearing four am, he carries up her to bed. She's nearly eleven now, and big for her age, but Robbie's had to move couches bigger than her. He tucks her in and then he kisses her on the forehead. She'd screech and claw at her face if she was awake, but she isn't, and Robbie _missed_ her.

He doesn't get to see much of Jessica these days. What with his job now, and time spent at the nursing home, he's only really at the house in the evenings now, and she often has soccer practice that runs pretty late. They see each other at night, of course, but they're mostly preoccupied with their homework.

Tori has an exam coming up and is a nervous wreck over it, so Robbie gives her a crash-course in stage lighting and play presentation. Robbie considers taking some of the pictures he has of Cat on his computer and having them blown up and printed as set props, but when he asks Cat's permission, she frowns and says, "That's creepy, Robbie."

"...Yeah," he admits, "yeah it is." Cat trills out laughter and scrubs her hand through his hair. The bell rings and she rushes off to class, blowing Robbie a kiss as she goes, leaving him flustered in her wake.

He ends up taking some old cardboard cutouts from work for Tori to focus the spotlights on. The furniture company's mascot is a burly pink gorilla wearing sunglasses, and Tori chuckles and shakes her head as he sets them up.

"Where did you _get _those?" she asks, and when he tells her, her eyebrows raise slightly. "Robbie, I didn't know you worked! Are you sure you have time for this?"

Robbie shrugs – he'd taken the afternoon off to coach Tori. He doesn't mind it because they'll probably be through quicker here. It'll give him time to stop by and see Dad before he has to be home to make dinner and work on his assignments.

Tori moves quickly and responds to his commands with a decent amount of accuracy. Overall, she does pretty well and he's impressed by her. She didn't get into Hollywood Arts for nothing, he thinks. He high-fives her and she throws her head back and laughs with joy and relief, and then she pulls him into a quick hug. He blushes a little as she thanks him profusely. Tori's all right, he decides, but his heart belongs to Cat.

Robbie buys glossy paper and finally prints out the good pictures from Uruguay to give to Cat and Jade. He sees the picture of Jade with the little calf – he smiles, adds it to her pile. He also keeps one for himself. He does need the occasional reminder that Jade West is human. Cat kisses him on both cheeks when he gives her her pictures (Robbie wasn't aware it was possible to blush purple). Jade rolls her eyes and Beck gives him a little thumbs up. He doesn't want to give Jade's pictures to her in front of Beck – as far as he knows, she may not even want them, and he's sure Beck will snatch them up to look at. He remembers how Jade had hid her face from his camera and he quickly stuffs the envelope in his locker.

It's May now, and Tori is appalled that Hollywood Arts doesn't have a prom. She gets permission from the board to throw one – she just tacks on an 'e' and calls it 'Prome.' Robbie asks Cat to be his date a dozen times, but she turns him down, finally saying she already has someone in mind.

"Oh," he mutters, flushing crimson. "Oh, okay."

She's been smiling, but it fades a little as her brows knit together. "You've been so weird lately, Robbie!"

"Have I?" His voice crackles.

Cat moves closer to him, too close! He can't not blush with Cat standing something like six inches from him. "Robbie? Do you … you don't _like_ me, do you?"

"Of course I do," he blurts before he can stop himself. "Of course I like you, Cat. _Everyone_ knows."

"Oh, Robbie!" she cries, and she hugs him suddenly. "You're so _silly!_"

His whole body burns where she touches him. He's tugging on his shirtsleeves, embarrassed. "It's – it's okay though. I mean, it's whatever. I wanted to..."

She shakes him by his shoulders. "It's just that we're _friends_, Robbie! You're one of my best friends!" She pouts. "Don't be mad at me. You're so sweet. But I just don't want to date any of my friends. Think of how weird it would be! Just...just stay my favorite person!"

It sucks, a lot, and he hadn't even got to try and kiss her. But he tries to make himself feel better by telling himself that it's so good of her to not want to jeopardize their friendship. And knowing that he's one of her favorite people isn't too bad either, is it?

Prome night falls on the night of Jade's art project, a short film she's been working on since before Christmas. She's furious and tries just about every trick in the books to try and have Prome canceled, but the rest of the student body is so thrilled at the thought of a dance, Robbie thinks they'd show up to it even if it was defunct.

Beck's absent at Prome night – he's gone to the theatre across town to help Jade set up for her showing. Robbie's left Rex at home (Tori had cornered him after school last week and made him promise), and he feels pretty snazzy with the new bow tie he and Jess have picked out for him to wear. Some girls actually dance with him! When he sees Cat grinning at him from across the room where she's dancing crazy with her date, a meathead from Northridge, he beams and waves to her. It hurts, but not too much, as Cat rushes over shortly after and grabs his hands and makes him jump up and down with her. Since she told him a few weeks ago that they should only be friends, he's been forcing himself not to..._admire_ Cat too much, but he can't help but notice that she does look good when she's jumping, her deep red hair flowing all around her low-cut pink dress.

They ditch Prome early – Cat informs him that her date was being a liiiittle forward with her and Robbie sees red – and catch a cab that zips them to the theatre where Jade and Beck will be. Her showcase was to start at eight-thirty; it's nearly an hour past that once the cab finally pulls up alongside the small playhouse, having been thwarted by all-day nonstop start-of-weekend traffic, and the film reels haven't started rolling yet. He and Cat guess that she's been waiting, hoping for a bigger turn-out. He fidgets anxiously in the lobby while Cat whirls around him, gazing and exclaiming over all of the movie posters and the cathedral ceiling and questioning the lady at the concession stand about what line of gluten-free products they carry.

"That's really not necessary," he says to the vendor who is reading off all the ingredients off of a box of some chips at Cat's request. Cat pouts and orders herself a huge latte with a triple-shot of espresso. Fantastic, he thinks, just what she needs. After what seems a century he manages to drag her into the actual showroom of the theatre, juggling her three boxes of candy as Cat totes her gigantic coffee and the Super-Jumbo sized box of popcorn.

They make their way through the still-lit theatre and settle down in the center section. The seats are soft red velvet and old, and Cat rocks back and forth and squeals as her seat squeaks dangerously with each movement. Robbie tells her she has to be quiet when Jade's movie comes on and she pinky-promises him, giggling. She spills the Super-Jumbo all over them and pouts. Robbie waves a box of Goobers at her as a distraction, and she snatches them up happily. He wipes some melted butter off of his glasses and squints and he catches a quick glimpse of Jade as she sweeps past the stage, hair pulled back severely, dressed from head to toe in black. It doesn't look like she's even put on any makeup, he notes.

A few moments later Beck emerges from the side of the curtain, sweeping his hair back with a hand. He looks tired. Cat and Robbie wave frantically and he nods at them, coming to take a seat next to Robbie.

"Jade is ... umm, unhappy," he sighs, frowning.

Cat pouts again. "There wasn't a way she could have moved her show to another night?"

"The theatre's booked up every night until July," Beck tells them. "She's had everything planned out from day one. It took her, like, forever to get the theatre to show her stuff here, I think she had to pay them a lot." Robbie feels a sharp stab of pity for Jade – he gets Tori's and the rest of the school's want for a prom(e), really he does, but it's just awful for Jade. She never does anything halfway, and he's sure she's broke her back working on this film. There's just a smattering of people in the audience, only a few kids from school that Robbie can tell, and the rest are random folks that have meandered in from the streets, curious about a free film.

Beck finally gives them a once-over and says, "Geez, what _happened_ to you guys?" Cat's shiny pink glitter dress is creased in a thousand spots from wiggling all over the cab and Robbie's bowtie has gone askew. They both have spots of grease all over them from the popcorn and Beck reaches over and picks some kernels from Robbie's hair. Cat waves the remains of the Super-Jumbo at him.

Without any preamble, the lights dim and the screen lights up. She must have been going to start the projectors when Robbie had spotted her, he thinks.

What follows is a film on social commentary – essentially, it seems to be roughly forty minutes of hurt feelings. Everything is in stark black and white or sepia tones. It's jumbled snapshots of everything that is Jade – harsh and brutal and to the point. There is actually a storyline – she's used bits of movies and original footage she must have shot herself to tell a tale of … of the loneliness of a person in their own body. It's all on film reel, not digital, and he can't image the time she must have spent editing to get the sounds and images to line up just so. It's probably one of the coolest things Robbie's ever gotten to watch. He spies a quick clip of_ The Last Man on Earth_, the first Vincent Price movie he'd ever watched, so long ago, falling asleep in Beck's RV. The vampire snarls: "Let...me...IN!" and then the film ends abruptly, the screen flickering a few times and then going black. He's interested to note that Jade hasn't put her name on the film. It just begins and ends.

Beck, Robbie, and Cat applaud and cheer uproariously to make up for the lack of enthusiasm from the rest of the crowd. Cat and Robbie actually stand up, clapping hard, and Robbie feels absurdly pleased when he notes a few people off to the side also standing to applaud.

"WE LOVE YOU, JADE!" Cat screams. They keep applauding until after the rest of the theatre has trickled out, but Jade never comes onstage to take a bow. As they file out of the row they've been sitting in, Beck whispers to Robbie, "Yeah, I didn't get that at _all._"

Robbie doesn't say anything.

Jade isn't anywhere backstage and she isn't up in the production booth either. Her film's gone, too.

Beck purses his lips and blows air out slowly. "Okay. So she went home without me. Awesome."

"Should we come with you to find her?" Robbie asks.

Beck shakes his head slowly. "No … It's cool of you to offer, but you know how she gets. I mean, she probably won't even talk to me right now. She's already pissed because I told her maybe she should hold off on it and just go to the dance."

Robbie doesn't say anything.

Cat is frowning, her dark brows knitted close together on her forehead. "She must be so upset," she exclaims to him and Robbie. "Hardly anyone came to see it! Where's Andre?"

Beck leans against the wall, closing his eyes. "Probably still at the prom."

"Prome," Cat says.

"Prome, Cat, Prome," the boys say, rolling their eyes at the same time. Then Beck catches Robbie's eye and they both start to laugh as Cat cries, "What's so funny?"

Beck drives Cat and Robbie home. Jess is surely in bed but he runs to her room and jumps onto her bed anyway to wake up her. He tells her about Prome and they talk about what a stupid fat moron Cat's Northridge boy is and how sad Jade must be.

He falls asleep on his sister's floor, surrounded by stuffed animals.

* * *

Robbie can honestly say it's the first time he's been looking forward to summer vacation since he started at Hollywood Arts. Jade's black mood is affecting practically the whole school. She doesn't even speak to Tori anymore, not even to tease her. One day, when Jade gets up to throw away her lunch tray, Tori follows her, wanting to apologize, again. Robbie, Cat, Andre and Beck all lean forward to watch them it go down by the trash cans. Tori's mouth moves, then Jade's. Tori opens her mouth but Jade steps forward, close to Tori, her lips moving rapidly. Robbie can see Jade's brows drawn down. That's a danger sign. At last she spins around and leaves the courtyard, stalking back into the school.

Tori makes her way back to the table slowly, looking shell-shocked. "Ooooh...kay," she breathes out, her eyes wide. "So...Jade...is clearly...not going to be cool with me for a _whiiiile._"

"What'd she say to you, Tor?" Andre's asking, but Tori's already shaking her head, muttering, "No, don't worry about it. Let's just try to get through the rest of the week. Maybe she'll cool down by September."

Robbie works a lot this summer – sometimes forty hours a week! He usually has off on the weekends, though. He spends time at the nursing home for a few hours in the evening two or three times a week, sometimes more if Beck doesn't want to hang out. Saturdays he, his mom, and Jess still go together, though the two have stopped coming with him on Sundays.

As July rolls to an end, he realizes he's looking at a lonely month. Beck's going to visit his sister in San Diego until school starts up again. Cat's in Mexico this time. Her favorite cousin's turning fifteen and it's a big deal. Andre can never really hang out much in the summer at all, because he usually has to spend most of his time taking care of his grandmother. "Especially now since she's _crazy_," he glumly says to Robbie on the phone.

He texts Tori a few times, and she sends him cheerful messages back, but he doesn't ask her to hang out, and she doesn't ask him. He likes Tori well enough, but they aren't very close and he's sure she's got tons of other friends to spend time with.

But Jess is home a lot more now in the evenings, and they start playing old PlayStation 2 games together. It's their goal to beat Kingdom Hearts and its sequel by the time school rolls in. When they get stuck on a part of the game, they work on their summer homework until they're bored and thus ready to start playing again. Sometimes Mom comes home before ten or eleven and when she does, she brings dinner for them.

Robbie finally, finally turns sixteen. Jess has ordered a tiny glutton-free cake for him and they eat it together for breakfast, pleased with themselves. Robbie gets messages from Beck, Tori, and Andre, wishing him happy birthday. Beck tells him he'll get his present at school. Cat doesn't text him, but she's out of service range, so he forces himself to not be too bothered by it. Jade doesn't text him, either, but he doesn't expect her to. His mom sweeps in at ten to six and rambles on about how Robbie's practically a man now. Robbie's feeling pretty content. His mom and Jess make him put a towel around his head and lead him outside.

He doesn't get his Plymouth Fury, but in the driveway sits a 2002 Honda Civic, and it's freaking red, which is pretty cool. He and Jess exclaim over the car and fiddle with the ignition and test out the radio. He scrambles back out and hugs his mom tightly. It takes her a few moments to react, but he holds on fast until she does, and they both laugh then. Being friends with people like Cat and Andre has eased up on Robbie's tension and he finds it a lot easier to show affection. Eventually they go back inside, his mother frowning (not the droopy-lips frown of disappointment, but just a general concerned-mother frown) and talking about getting Robbie a driving instructor so he can take his test. He tells her not to worry about it right now, though, he can probably convince Beck, or maybe Jade (yeah right), to give him driving lessons.

He and Jess scarf down the last bits of leftover cake and work at Kingdom Hearts 2 until they're too tired to read the tiny lettering on the screen. They save and switch the game off and drag themselves upstairs. He sees light still pouring out of his mother's office, so he pops in and says goodnight. She's just at her desk, sitting, with a briefcase out but not opened, and it takes her a few seconds to snap out of the trance she's in and notice him. She smiles tightly at him and twirls a pencil around in her hands as she wishes him happy birthday again.

Robbie's sleepy, but he forces himself to shower and brush his teeth first. He bares his teeth in the mirror and growls, spitting paste foam into the sink. He's finally getting taller, he notes. Maybe even taller than Beck. When he drags himself into bed it's after two. He pulls his cellphone off of the desk to turn his alarm off and sees that he has a new text message.

It's from Jade, sent a little under an hour ago. It says, _Hey baby, hope playing pin the tail on the donkey all day didn't tucker you out. How's it feel to be 16?_

He's sending her back a smiley face and a virtual hug before he can think of how she'll take the implication (probably castrate him), and drifts immediately off into sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has reviewed and added this story to their favorites! :) I'm so pleased. I never intended to write something this long! Anyway, I said there wouldn't be an update for a while but I totally lied, as you can see. I want to send some PMs soon as thanks to you guys I really need to avoid the website for at least the weekend ... finals are next week.  
**

**Maybe you'll be pleased to see that I worked in Robbie's ridiculous adult diapers search from 'Andre's Horrible Girl'! hahaha I am proud of myself. That was the last Victorious episode I've seen and probably will see for a while since I just shut off my cable. Anyway, things to look forward to – Robbie's going to learn to drive! Whoooo do you think will somehow end up teaching him? Heh.**

**Chapter Six  
**

A couple of things transpire immediately following the start of Junior year. Well, the most embarrassing thing that happens is that Robbie and Andre lose to Jade at poker and have to do the Hammer Dance on her command for a whole week, and her command is, like... often. But that's not the most important thing.

The first event is that Beck and Jade break up, for real this time. They've been fighting a lot more since the summer – real fights, not just the power-play arguments that they've always had. Robbie has hung out with the two of them pretty frequently in the past, of course, but it seems like Beck has been inviting him over more and more when Jade's there, trying to somehow use him as a buffer.

A rather unsuccessful buffer. It seems like whenever Beck says something's good, Jade thinks it's bad. If Jade wants to go somewhere, Beck wants to go somewhere else. It makes Robbie's head hurt, how they seem to be willfully baiting each other.

A typical example of a fun time with Jade and Beck usually goes like this:

Jade wants to watch Rob Zombie's _Halloween_ film.

Beck doesn't. Jade's jaw clenches.

"Robbie doesn't like remakes," Beck points out (it's true, he doesn't).

Jade's eyes narrow into two dangerous slits. "_Robbie_ wouldn't mind putting aside his personal feelings and watching something that someone else wants to." (It's true, he wouldn't.)

"But," grits out Beck, "he shouldn't be expected to do this _every single time._" (He supposes Beck has a point there...)

"I bet he understands though that sacrifices have to be made for a relationship to work," Jade snarls. (What?)

"Well maybe Robbie's just _tired_ of _always_ doing things he doesn't want to _do!_" Beck cries.

"_Really._ Well I think Robbie should grow a pair and suck it up and deal with it!" she fires back.

"Oh he's been dealing with it all right!" Beck yells.

"Oh yeah?" she screams.

They both whip around to glare at him expectantly. "ROBBIE?" they both yell.

"... I - have ... I have to use the bathroom," he blurts, and jets out of the RV. Behind him, he hears Beck exclaim, "Now look what you did!"

Their raucous, screaming arguments have actually done so much as to bring Robbie to tears a few times. "I'm – I'm fine, fine, I just, I have a really delicate nervous system," he says weepily, leaning with his head deep buried inside his locker, to an Andre who's half-bemused and half-concerned. Andre pats his shoulder consolingly and shakes his head.

It's...it's awkward, he decides. Whenever he's talking to Beck in the hallway and he sees Jade approaching, he feels guilty. Which is stupid, because it's not like _Robbie_ did anything, and anyway, Beck's way more of a friend to Robbie than Jade is, right? Beck stares so hard whenever he sees Jade talking to other boys it looks like his eyeballs are going to pop out. Robbie wonders if he should start bringing, like, eyedrops, or dark sunglasses, or something, to school for him.

"If you're so jealous, why don't you just get back with her?" he asks desperately one day in the RV. They all still eat lunch together and since the breakup it's been the Beck vs Jade show, the rest of the groups' heads ping-ponging back and forth as Beck will demand why Jade was seen with so-and-so, and Jade will fire back, "Why do you care?" and vice versa.

Beck shakes his head vehemently, his mouth nothing but a thin line. "No. You don't know Jade, Rob! She needs to change. She never lets me in. I won't do it anymore." Robbie nods defeatedly, and Beck launches into a long tirade about how Jade's impossible and just pushes people's buttons for fun, and also, does he know that she killed Beck's fish? Robbie puts a pillow behind his head and gets comfortable. This is going to be a while, he thinks.

* * *

Robbie's father is getting worse again. He's sometimes incontinent, and Robbie researches adult diapers and of course his stupid phone messes up in front of his stupid friends! Robbie's way too flustered, yelling, "No, that was my last search!" They don't question him, though. He guesses that after two years of knowing him they're used to the strange things he sometimes says and does. He's lost a lot of weight over the summer, weight that he didn't know he had to lose, and his jeans are all too loose. Jade keeps telling him to zip his fly. Robbie's too busy freaking out to even be embarrassed. Why is he wasting time here?

It's just that – it's _Cat_ who's called him for help and he's never been able to say no to her, not ever. She's dog-sitting for her mom's boss and Jade's over wrecking things so he calls Beck and asks for a ride over. "_Jade's _there?" Beck had squawked and oh jeez, here it comes. Beck picks him up and drives fitfully, ranting the whole time about how everything she does is just a plot to make him jealous, do you hear me, hey, Robbie, are you even listening? He really isn't, though. He has other things on his mind.

The dementia is eating away at Dad's brain in earnest now, affecting not only his memory but his entire body. One day Robbie had come into Dad's room at the home to see his father sitting on the edge of his bed, just shaking, his head in his hands. Very slowly, Robbie had inched into the room. "Um, hey – Robert? Mr. Shapiro?" His voice cracked throughout.

He'd found that it generally worked out better when he referred to his father by name now instead of calling him 'Dad.' Robbie was a lot taller than he had been and more often than not Dad couldn't quite place who it was that Robbie looked like. A few weeks ago, he had gotten really, really upset when Robbie had tried to tell him that he was in fact his son. Cynthia, his father's aide, had actually had to come and take Robbie out of the room.

His father had looked up at that, slowly, his misty eyes clearing a bit as they focused on Robbie.

"I was just – I just don't know. I was in the dining room, and I...I _couldn't eat. _I don't know what's wrong with me."

"What...what do you mean? What do you mean, you couldn't eat?" But Robbie's heart had already sunk, sunk so low it's out of his chest now and burrowing into the ground. He knew what had happened to his father – what his father probably knew, too, in some way but didn't want to say, didn't know _how _to say.

Robbie had slipped out of the room, calling for his father's aide, and she'd appeared and went into the room, questioning Dad quietly. A bit later in the evening, she'd touched Robbie's shoulder, and confirmed what he already feared.

Simply put: his dad couldn't remember how to eat. He'd held the fork in his hand, looked at the food in front of him, and couldn't place how the two went together. Cynthia had told him how, in the dining room, his father had picked at the green beans with his free hand, put out in his mouth, coughed, spit it out. He did this for nearly an hour. He understood that what he was feeling was hunger. He knew there was something to be done about it. He'd simply forgotten what that something was. He'd forgotten how to chew and swallow.

Robbie had just stared and Cynthia was quick to reassure him. Everyone's brain just conks out sometimes, she tells him. Like when you look all over the house for your phone only to realize an hour later that it's right in your back pocket, that you've been feeling it in your pocket all along. Alzheimer's brain short-circuits just work in slightly different ways, more severe ways. Tomorrow, hopefully, Mr. Shapiro would again simply remember, and the problem will be gone...for a while. Already, just an hour later, his earlier distress has gone. Now he's absently looking through Robbie's English textbook, smiling to himself.

Her kind tone and gentle reassurances don't really do much to soothe Robbie. It is something he supposed he has known, but hadn't really thought of throughout the duration of his father's illness.

Alzheimer's is going to kill his father. He's not just going to lose his memories of his family, his career. He's going to forget everything he ever learned, and then his nervous system would begin to start shutting down too. His brain synapses would going to flare out and die. Eventually, he'll become a vegetable. Brain-dead. Defunct.

Robbie goes home after that. He hears Mrs Savidge call to him from the lobby, but he can only wave to her and mutter a quick goodnight. He takes off pedaling hard on his bike up the hill that led to the main road and rides home too fast, his breaths labored and lungs aching, and if the tears that squeeze out from the corners of his eyes aren't from the heavy wind that was whipping over him, well, he can't say.

He deposits his bike on the front lawn and comes inside. Jess is still in her soccer uniform, bouncing the ball around the living room on her knee and he snatches up the ball. He throws it into the backyard and screams at her that she's going to break something and then storms up to his room, leaving her in stunned silence. He throws himself down on his bed and hadn't move for the rest of the night.

When his alarm goes off in the morning, he hits it and rolls over, consumed by the heavy, black feeling. He falls back asleep and has unsettling, disturbing dreams – he's performing in front of an audience full of unfamiliar, blank faces, and instead of Rex on his lap it is somehow his father, and he puts his hand in the grooves of his father's emaciated back, makes him talk, makes him say things that don't make sense, and when he turns his dad's head to deliver the punchline, his father's eyes are milk-grey and empty. He doesn't go to school for three days. It's the first time since he was accepted into Hollywood Arts that he has missed any class.

* * *

What he misses in school is a Chemistry test and an epic fight between Beck and Jade that had happened after Beck had instigated some sort of provocative scene in Improv with Tori. Jade had gotten up and slapped Beck, Andre updates him in a whisper. They're in the hallway before first period and Andre's looking all around everywhere to make sure Jade or Beck aren't coming up upon them.

"Beck just stood there staring at her!" Andre whispers heatedly. "Even Sikowitz didn't know what to do! Then he just grabbed her arm and drug her out of the classroom - "

"Sikowitz grabbed her?" Robbie interjects incredulously.

"No, fool! No! _Beck!_" Andre cries in his normal tone, then ducks down, glancing around nervously. "Anyway they were out in the hallway screaming for like twenty minutes. Lane and two other teachers had to come and pull them apart! And then Jade broke free and came back and screamed at Beck some more! They both got suspended for the rest of the day."

"Holy _Moses,_" Robbie breathes, and Andre nods emphatically.

"Baaaad hoodoo," Andre agrees.

The worst part is is that now they can't even sit together at lunch anymore. It's become Andre, Beck, and Tori across the courtyard, which leaves Robbie, Cat, and Jade to themselves. Just the three of them, as it had been during those first few months at Hollywood Arts, so long ago. He knows he should probably sit with Beck but he hasn't had a chance to hang out with or really talk to Beck since The Incident went down and he's really unsure about how he feels about the whole thing. Mostly it's just that he can't bring himself to leave Cat and Jade. Sometimes, Cat travels over to the other side of the courtyard to talk to Tori or Andre, and … what _is_ this? Robbie asks himself. What, he can't bring himself to leave _Jade?_

The second time Cat goes to sit with the others Robbie just stands there with his lunch sack for two whole minutes. Cat had warned him that she needed to talk to Tori at lunch today, but up until that point he hadn't really given much thought as to what _he_ would do come sixth period. The previous time Cat had left him, Robbie simply had sneaked away to eat in the library.

He looks at Beck, Tori, Andre, and Cat. Cat's still standing at this point, but he can tell she's already talking to Tori at a mile a minute, all the while leaning over Andre to steal Beck's french fries. Andre is laughing and the others are smiling up at her. When he looks to Jade … well, she definitely isn't smiling. She isn't looking at anyone or anything. Her head is bent slightly and she's stabbing at her salad repeatedly with her fork and not eating.

He feels … _god!_ The way Jade looks sitting there, she looks the way Robbie _feels,_ all the time. It's not...not entirely pity he's feeling for her. It's...it's...he doesn't know.

Empathy.

His mind goes back to Christmastime, how she'd sat carefully beside him and just laughed, not even meanly, at him after he had been drinking. He thinks of her recent happy birthday text, like she wasn't sure if it was appropriate for her to be nice to him. The Sunday after that he'd helped Jess with her homework all afternoon and he'd just texted Jade at random. She'd actually sent him a few messages back then, saying that she was babysitting too, watching her half-brother.

He thinks of her showcase from last semester. The way she'd looked in those few seconds he'd seen her walk past and how she hadn't bothered to put any makeup on. He replays the end of her film in his head, thinks about that horrible thing rapping on the door with its dead hands, saying, "Let... me ….. in!" That. That is the one thing he can understand.

So he turns casually and heads to the right, walks past tables full of chattering teens, and sits down across from Jade like he hasn't just been standing under the snack-truck's awning for the past few moments gazing at her dumbly. She doesn't look up when he sits down, just keeps picking at her salad. Robbie looks at her for a few seconds, wondering if she'll say something, but when she doesn't he starts pulling stuff out of his brown paper bag. He picks at his diced chicken and is on the third bite of an apple when Jade speaks up, lowly, "You don't have to sit with me, Shapiro. In fact, I'd be happier if you didn't."

He just looks at her, chewing. He understands that he is encroaching on dangerous territory and he must proceed slowly and with great caution. Then he says, "I want to use one of my days."

She looks up sharply, puzzled, and he clarifies: "From last Christmas. You said you wouldn't be mean to me for twelve days. I never used any yet." Jade doesn't answer for a long time. She purses her lips and just watches at him. It's an icy stare, but she isn't quite _glaring_. Robbie bites his apple. He chews and swallows. She's still looking. He wipes his mouth. He wants to raise an eyebrow, but he can only do both at once and ends up just squinting, and Cat says he looks silly when he does that, so he doesn't do it now.

She mutters finally, "I should have added some sort of puppet clause."

Robbie makes a big show out of picking Rex up and setting him on the floor beside the table silently.

Finally, she says, "Okay. This is number one."

They sit in comparative silence. Robbie finishes his apple and tosses the core into the bag, crumpling it. He's still a little scared even though he's got her mark of approval for the first of The Twelve Days of (being nice to) Robbie. He doesn't know what to talk to Jade about. He's still never told her how much he enjoyed her showcase last spring, that he even liked it at all. He's learned from Beck that it was … something of a sore subject with her. He's not even sure if she knows he and Cat had shown up. But somehow he doesn't think mentioning her film right now would be very beneficial to either of them.

Finally she mutters, "Seriously, Robbie ... you really don't have to stay here. I'm a big girl. I don't need your pity. I won't, like, egg your locker after school."

He doesn't know what to say. He hasn't expected her to say anything else to him at all. He's reeling a bit from the fact that she's used his first name when speaking to him for what seems to be the first time ever, though he knows that really can't be true.

"I'm just eating my lunch here, West," he says boldly.

She – she actually smiles, smiles at Robbie, and they're _in public!_

"Okay then, Freakazoid," she says, and slides from the bench to throw out her lunch tray. As she comes back and sits back down, she adds, "By the way, you can't count that as an insult. That was just me referencing a really cool cartoon."

* * *

A bit of time passes. Robbie finds himself incredibly busy with homework and at the furniture warehouse. Cat had gotten her license at the start of the summer, before she'd left for vacation with her family, and she's taken it upon herself to drive Robbie to school each morning. Her driving is erratic and he often has to yell at her when to merge and when to not merge DEFINITELY DON'T MERGE NOW CAT! She's always forgetting on purpose not put her seat belt on and she adjusts her rearview mirror to put on lip gloss then forgets to set it back right. She fiddles with the radio incessantly and swerves the car dangerously about, accelerates too fast and brakes like a crazy person and generally drives Robbie utterly insane with stress.

He thinks longingly of his Honda, safe at home in the garage. At times, once Cat's finally eased the car into park at Hollywood Arts, Robbie has actually fallen out of the doorframe and kissed the pavement. He must ask Beck about driving lessons this week, he commands himself.

Robbie always looks forward to lunch now with mixed feelings of nervousness and excitement. Sometimes Tori sits with them and they commiserate about how nasty history teacher can be and Tori swears that the lady just straight-up turns her hearing aide off and turns towards the chalkboard when she sees that Tori has a question. She's still sucking up hard to Jade, trying to make up for ruining her showcase last year.

Sometimes, it's just Robbie and Jade.

It's not like they magically become best friends, and Robbie doesn't kid himself by entertaining thoughts that Jade actually enjoys spending time with him now, or anything. But when it's just the two of them she tolerates him with much more ease. She's less defensive, less on-edge. She still makes fun of him and doesn't allow Rex to be seated at the the table but sometimes when she's feeling charitable they actually talk about things.

He learns that the reason Jade like Stephen King so much is because she's been reading his books since she was eight. One of her mom's boyfriend had left a copy of Pet _Sematary_ in their apartment one day and Jade had read it in three days. He goggles at her. _Pet Sematary_ is, like, six hundred pages. She snickers at him. "I didn't any I understood half of it, Shapiro," she says. Then she kinds of smiles, and Robbie understands it's not directed at him at all, or even really something he's privy to, "Whenever there'd be a phrase I didn't understand I just assumed it meant something dirty."

She doesn't get along with her stepmother. She doesn't tell him this exclusively, but it's made clear in the faces she makes and the tone of her voice when she speaks of her. Her favorite Sega game is Ecco the Dolphin. She hates hot dogs because she ate them for dinner every day as a kid for over a year. When she was six her mother had taken her to an Iron Maiden concert

("Who's that?" Robbie asks.

"_How_ have you not been beat up before?" Jade asks. "How?"). She's been smoking since she was eleven. She can't ride a bike. She had had her head shaved when she was in third grade and hasn't cut it since.

Robbie takes all of this information and he files it away in a special storage space in his head. He's slowly putting together a formula, a hypothesis, for how all these things form to make the black-haired, sullen girl who sits across from him. One afternoon he makes a flow-chart on the back of his maths write-up lab. He draws a long line and doodles idly, "Where Is Jade's Mother?" His paper comes back and the teacher has written atop the back "Perhaps you should take this up with Ms West instead ?" He blushes hotly and stuffs the paper back into his notebook.

* * *

That was Friday, and his weekend passes. He spends Saturday morning at the nursing home. His dad sleeps the whole time he's there, so he wastes the hours in the lobby, detailing the rise and fall of the relationship of Beck and Jade to Mrs Savidge. Sunday, early, Cat calls him, and she comes and gets him and then drives to Hollywood to pick up Andre. They just window-shop for a while, and Robbie buys them all frozen yogurt. Andre talks excitedly about a reggae festival that's coming to town next month. Cat doesn't even know who Bob Marley is, but Robbie thinks it sounds kind of cool.

He's happy to be out with his friends. They walk the streets and laugh and talk and point out the strange things people are wearing. Cat's in the middle and Robbie and Andre are on either side of her. Then he has to work so Cat drives him home and she and Andre zip away. He wonders why she didn't drop Andre off when they were still near his house. He wonders if they're going to hang out all day, and what they'll be doing.

Work is busy – they always have a lot of deliveries on Sundays – and Robbie thinks he pulls a muscle in his comes home, tired and sweaty, and checks his phone – Beck's sent him a message about maybe coming over later in the week and Jessica has texted him too, saying that she's going to be sleeping over her friend Liz's house. He sends her a message back, just to let her know he's got it, and she sends him a smiley face.

So – alone, again. It's almost seven, so he makes himself some white rice, and texts Tori about a History assignment that's due later in the week. He considers sending a message to Jade, but he doesn't really know what to say to her, plus he's got no idea what sort of mood she'll be in, so he decides not to risk it. He takes a hot shower and then settles into his room. Lays on the bed and rewrites his Chem Lab and finishes the history work before Tori even texts him back. He logs onto xBox, but Beck's not on, so he just goes to bed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Monday drags by.

Tori slumps down next to him in History. Her hair is rumpled and half-falling out of the messy bun she's tied it in and she's wearing her glasses today. She has coffee stains on the knee of her white jeans.

"Trina's driving me _insane,_" she moans to Robbie, putting her head down on the desk. Their professor looks at them dourly, but Tori continues: "What else is new, right? Would you believe she actually tried to shave her underarms while driving? I thought we would die. I wish I _had_ died."

Robbie pats the top of her head consolingly. "There, there," he says. "I can pull you to school on the back of my bike if you want. Hey! You won't have to blow-dry your hair in the mornings!"

"You suck at comforting people," Tori says into her desk.

* * *

Robbie's next class is Literature in the Media. All they really do is watch movies. It's a year-long course, but Robbie had chosen it as his token easy class this year. Junior year is the most important grades-wise, he knows. He doesn't really know what he wants to do in college, but he's always been a good student.

Oddly enough, Jade is in the class too – Robbie can only assume for the reason that she also wanted to take what is essentially a cake course. They don't sit together during it but sometimes they talk about it at lunch. Their teacher is a young woman who often goes off on tangents about the "flowery poeticism of the English language" (and also really, really needs to invest in a bra) and tells them to call her by her first name, "Phoebe." She wears tye-dye skirts and tells them all about the rallies she's been to over the weekend and rants about the snakes she's sponsoring in North Africa. She has all this artwork hanging up in her classroom done by some weirdo named Spencer Shay. He's not very good, Robbie thinks, inspecting a multicolored mobile with a thousand noses hanging off of it, but what does Robbie know? It's not like he goes to a performing arts school or anything.

All of this leaves Robbie and Jade with a lot of material to work with. Cat and Tori giggle with interest when they bring up Treehugger Phoebe. It makes Robbie feel good. Okay, it's mostly Jade who does the talking, because, yeah, Robbie can only be remotely mean when Rex is in front of him, and Jade still forbids him at the table, but he _contributes_. The four of them, together, laughing – Jade and Tori _laughing_, and not even at each other! – he feels they're part of a group again, something almost whole.

Today Phoebe gives them a thick packet and explains that it's their year-end project. They're going to have to take a written work – a book, short story, a play or a poem, and make a film out of it. The hard part, she tells them, will be keeping it true to dialogue. In mid-January they'll present her with a script and then they'll get a production pass to use the school's equipment to film it. The final cut will be due at the end of the school year, and they'll marathon all the films during the last week of classes.

Okaaay …. maybe not-so-easy class! Robbie's intrigued, though – he's not too good at writing script, but film and cameras he can handle. Phoebe makes them put all their names in a hemp hat (which is so the color of Robbie's vomit after he throws caution to the wind and drinks a strawberry milkshake) and she'll pick their partners at the end of class.

In a twist of indeterminable fate, Robbie's partner is Jade.

She turns to look at him, eyebrow raised, but she doesn't seem too upset by the choice. Robbie's hesitant, but also a little excited - he's sure Jade loves the idea of the project as much as he does. She's got experience writing script, and the two of them have the highest GPAs in their grade. They can put together something awesome, he's sure of it! And, he remembers, he's still got eleven days where she has to be nice to him. It's not that much over the stretch of the school year, but maybe by the time he uses them up she won't even hate him anymore.

* * *

Now that they're paired together in Lit Media, it's easier to be with Jade without her snapping at him. They spend most of the week trying to come up with a work of literature that would be easy to transcribe and put to film. A poem or a short story, they decide. Then they spend a few days hemming and hawing what kind of film they want to make. Deep, symbolic? Or do they want to just make a more straight-forward film?

"Yeah," Jade drawls, propping her head lazily on her hand at the lunch table. "My last concept film didn't really go over so well, so maybe we should aim to do something more basic."

Cat is bored by their arguments over what story to go with. Jade tells her to shut up when she interrupts Robbie to ask what Jade's doing after school, and Cat sniffles, miffed. She sits with Beck and Andre more and more often, and one lunch period as he's listening to Jade go on he suddenly realizes he hasn't even noticed Cat isn't even there!

Guilt tinges at the back of his mind. He scans the cafeteria crowd, aiming to maybe go to her – apologize, make her laugh. If anything, Robbie knows what it feels like to feel as though you're being left out.

Tori's mostly quiet during Robbie and Jade's Lit Media discussions (arguments). Currently she's frowning at her latest History assignment – the document's been returned covered in red pen marks. Without even looking up, she points with one hand and directs Robbie's gaze across the room, where Cat's sitting chatting away with Andre and Beck and some other girl that's joined the table. She looks suitably non-perturbed, so Robbie decides to forgo the mission and just talk to her later. When he turns back to Jade, she's also watching the group with a inscrutable gaze.

* * *

They decide they should go with a Stephen King story. Jade's excited. "We can do whatever we want with this," she tells Robbie, her eyes big and manic. "He has, like, dozens of story collections and novellas. Oh man, we could shoot a freaking gore-fest or a concept piece or a fucking one-person monologue, I bet."

Robbie's pumped too. He figures Jade is going to make him reads these dozens of story collections and novellas, though. He isn't too bothered by it. King's writing is pretty straightforward most of the time and he's sure the short stories will be much easier to muddle through. Robbie's not a book aficionado like Jade, but he's always been able to read pretty quickly.

Robbie hides _Nightmares and Dreamscapes_ behind his textbook and reads during Chemistry and when he can get away with it in Improv. He reads _Everything's Eventual. _ He and Jade compare and eventually dismiss all of the stories from the two book collections. He reads _Four Past Midnight_. Sikowitz batters him about with the book and yells, "A CLASSROOM IS NO PLACE FOR READING!" Andre and Beck can't stop laughing at him.

Robbie feels bad. He's been so busy with this Lit Media thing that he hasn't been paying much attention to Cat. And Sikowitz is always displeased with him and he hasn't been a good Improv partner to her lately, either. He'd totally forgotten half his lines during the skit they'd done onstage earlier. Cat had frowned and tapped her feet. He's going to have to tell Jade they must keep their project out of Sikowitz's class.

Now, beside him, Cat texts away on her Pearphone, giggling.

Robbie pokes her in the shoulder – the only place he feels is a 'safe-zone' when it comes to Cat, still. "Who are you texting?" he demands. "Who are you texting that's not meee?" He pokes her repeatedly.

Cat giggles uncontrollably. "Robbie, _stop!_" She pinches him, and he yelps. She sticks her tongue out at him. It's candy-pink, like her lips and her skirt and million jelly bracelets. Stop, he reminds himself.

She throws her candy corn at his hair.

"No, don't!" he cries, flailing. "Do you want me to get a rash?"

Cat cackles like a witch and eats her candy. Since October started she's brought different candy to school every day. The rest of the gang helps themselves to it at all times and munch away. Cat just pulls more candy out – from her bookbag, her binder, her bra. She's like a magician, only cute and without a mustache and top hat.

He carries Cat's books to class for her for the rest of the day, and the next. "You're such a gentleman!" she exclaims.

She bounces on the balls of her feet and makes her yellow heels click against the hard floor. He catches a glimpse of them in the mirror across the hall - Cat's everything that's too-bright and vibrant. Her deep rust-colored hair, the pink of her laughing mouth and her bright skirt. She touches Robbie's elbow, and the mirror catches the white cream flash of her arm and her multicolored bracelets. Her eyes are like chocolate. Tori makes it shine, but, God, so does Cat. He sees himself – his ratty gray hoodie which is actually Beck's but has somehow come to be one of his possessions. His black-brown hair that's the color of anything. His dark-rimmed glasses that are the only splash of color on his sallow face. He feels somehow impossibly, impossibly far from her.

"Robbie? Rob_-bie?_" Cat's saying. "Helloooo? Are you on vacation? Did you fly away?" Robbie shrugs and stammers, then the bell rings and he quickly hands her her textbooks and runs off to his own classroom.

* * *

One day after school Beck's driven to Robbie's house. They've hooked up Jess's old Super Nintendo and are going to spend all day playing Mario-Kart (Beck doesn't know what he's getting himself into!). It's the first time they've hung out in a few weeks - Robbie's still been feeling extra-blue about Dad, and Beck's been spending a lot of time with this sophomore he sometimes drives to school, Alison. Robbie's so excited to be spending time with Beck again. He's even bought M&Ms and cheese puffs, even though he can't actually eat either of those things.

Halfway through getting his ass kicked in the Mushroom Cup, Beck muses, "So, you and Jade are actually working together on something."

Robbie's startled and rides his little Toad right over the banana peel that Beck had deposited in the previous lap. Toad spins off the cliff and regenerates a moment later. At Robbie's stunned silence, Beck adds, "Tori told me."

"Oh," he says dumbly. "Yeah. It's – I mean, it's okay. We still don't really know what we're going to do for it. She turns down all my suggestions."

"No surprise there," Beck says, and rolls his eyes exaggeratedly.

"Yeah," Robbie says. "Just – I haven't really – I mean, you aren't mad or anything, are you? I didn't pick her for it."

Beck shakes his head. He squawks indignantly when Toad zooms past his Princess Peach and furiously jabs buttons on his paddle. "Nah, it's cool. Actually I'm pretty impressed by you."

"Really?" Robbie asks. He doesn't know what Beck means.

"Yeah!" Beck says. "It's pretty cool of you. I mean you sit with her at lunch and everything. You've always been, like, way too nice to everyone, Rob."

"Yeah?" Robbie intimates timidly. "I feel - bad – I'm not picking sides or anything."

Beck shrugs. "I know. Well Jade needs some friends," he says easily. "It's so weird that it's you, though!"

"Oh I really don't think think anyone'd call us friends," Robbie interjects quickly.

Beck rolls his eyes again, and shoots Robbie a sidelong glance, smiling. "Yeah. Okay. Seriously, Rob – I mean, I'm mad at her right now, but she doesn't _totally_ suck. Just..." he trails off, chewing the inside of his cheek for a few moments. "Just be careful."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Robbie asks, channeling Cat. Then Princess zooms past the finish line just ahead of Robbie's Toad and Beck tosses the controller down in triumph. "Oh ... fudgenuts."

Beck laughs at Robbie's inability to curse ever. The subject of Jade is dropped, but Robbie's relieved nonetheless that Beck isn't mad or jealous. But he does miss the way things used to be – he misses them all hanging out together without having to worry about his sensitive bladder. And it sucks, not being able to see Beck as much anymore.

But right now things are good. It's comforting to know that even though things are changing he can still count on Beck to be the same – endlessly loyal, and nothing if a bit clueless.

They keep racing, and Robbie comes back strong and kicks Beck's butt on Koopa Beach. Jess comes in, watches them play, moons over Beck for a bit. Beck laughs - he thinks Jess is an adorable kid - and Robbie lets him win a round or two for being nice to his little sister.

* * *

They're in the library after school ends for the day. Jade is irritated and grumpy. They aren't making any progress.

"What about 'The Sun Dog?'" Robbie asks. 'The Sun Dog' is about a kid that gets a Polaroid camera for his birthday, but the camera doesn't take pictures the right way. Instead of what the kid shoots, the camera spits out pictures of a big black dog, an angry dog, that's getting closer and closer to the camera. He tries to return it to the pawn shop owner, but the guy's an idiot and keeps taking pictures with it. Eventually the dog breaks free and kills the man, but the kid manages to trap the dog in another camera by taking a picture of it with a different one.

Jade's eyes light up, then she frowns. "That might actually work," she murmurs. "How are we going to do the pictures, though?"

"Editing!" Robbie blurts out. "I mean, like, Photoshop and stuff. We can just get copies of someone's pet online or something, cut and paste 'em. That'll be the easiest part."

Jade nods, but he can tell she's off in her own world. She's got what Robbie has come to think of as the _Stephen King Multiverse _look on her face. "I remember that one, but haven't read it in a while."

"It's pretty long," Robbie admits.

"I'll reread it tonight," Jade tells him, deciding. "I'll check out the dialogue."

"Some guy dies in it," Robbie adds. "Maybe we can get Sikowitz to play him."

Yeah, 'The Sun Dog' is pretty much a go.

**Author's Note: I've decided to start putting my notes at the end of the chapters as to not spoil anything. Tomorrow I will put up the next chapter. :) These two are a bit shorter than my usual, but I made up for it with lots of dialogue? **

**Their class project is going to take up a lot of Jade and Robbie's time, but I'll try to not bore you guys too much with the dialogue and stuff they'll be writing. Now I'm kicking myself and wishing I had just made up an author for Jade to have liked. Think of all the fun I could have had with it. _The Brightening_ instead of _The Shining. Aminal Graveyerd_ instead of _Pet Sematary. That_ instead of _It. _But, you know, iCarly totally did an episode with Michelle Obama, so Stephen King totally exists in this universe.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

One Saturday morning he opens up the front door to see Jade standing there. Her hair is pulled all up away from her face in a high, messy bun, and she has huge sunglasses on her face. She's wearing Hello Kitty pajama pants and an oversized hoodie.

"Ummm, hi-_iii_. Do you...want to come in?" Robbie says, moving away from the doorframe. He hears Jess skittering about behind him.

Jade just tilts her head in his direction and stays still for a minute. What with her dark glasses he can't tell if she's looking at him or not and it's a bit unnerving. Then she slumps a little and shuffles past him into the foyer.

"Do ...is everything okay?" Robbie crackles. "Do you need anything?"

"Hi Jade," Jess bugles, peeping her head around from the corner of the adjoining doorframe.

Jade works a small pained smile onto her face and turns in Jess's direction. "Hey," she deadpans.

Robbie closes the screen door. "Jade?"

Jade uses her index finger to push the dark glasses up on her face so they rest above her hairline. The only makeup she's wearing is her deep maroon lipstick. Without the rings of kohl around her eyes and the dark eyeshadow, she looks all of a surly thirteen. "You got your car keys?"

"Uhh-?" He raises his eyebrows and gawps at her expectantly.

"I'm going to teach you to drive … _birdbrain_," she growls, taking in Jess's presence. "If you wipe out it's your car not mine. I don't have insurance."

What! "Jade, that's like illegal!" Robbie yelps.

"Ugh – then be a good Samaritan, fork over the $150 a month to Allstate and teach me to absolve myself of my faults and sins, Shapiro." She rolls her eyes. "That's not the point anyway. We're going to need to start meeting outside of school soon to work on this thing and I'm not driving to Hollywood to meet you everyday nor am I dragging my ass over here."

He looks at her sharply.

"My ... _butt,_" she amends darkly.

"Oh – well – Beck said he could teach me."

Jade's eyes roll again, so hard they threaten to come out of her head. Robbie imagines he hears them crying, _'Please, Jade, don't roll us so hard!'_ She snips out, "Yeah, I'm sure, once he takes the time to clean out the yard of blonde girls from his backseat. Which will be never." When Robbie just looks at her uncertainly, she sighs. "Come on. I know you want to learn. Give me Saturday and Sunday and you can pass your test on Friday."

"I – uh – well, the thing is I kind of have plans today. And tomorrow."

"Oh." She sounds surprised. "Yeah. I didn't think you'd be busy."

Jess pipes up: "On the weekends Robbie -"

"_Why won't you eat your eggs!_" Robbie exclaims at her shrilly.

Jess pulls a face. "Because you put too much saaaaalt in theeeem!"

Robbie gives her the stern _Jess-go-eat-your-eggs-right-this-instant-and-don't-blab-to-my-goth-friend-anymore._ She disappears in a flash.

He turns to Jade. "Did you eat?" he asks brightly.

"Yeeeah, the thing is. I don't eat breakfast."

"Well you missy are heading on a crash-course towards total left-brain collapse in the very near future." He makes a motion with his hands in the direction that Jess had went.

She glares. "Are you kidding me?"

He just looks at her. He would never speak to her in such a way any other time, but he's still in paternal-mode from being around his sister all morning.

"Oh my _God,_" Jade groans, but then she actually shuffles past him. He follows her down the dim hallway until the hardwood floor drops away to tile and they're in the kitchen. He's baffled and a little pleased with himself. Jade looks around for a minute, then drops into a chair at the table opposite Jess.

Jess positively beams at her. Jade slides her glasses back down onto her nose.

Robbie bites back a grin at her expense.

He moves quickly to the stove. "Jade doesn't know about my secret lair that tunnels deep to Valhalla where I forge powerful weapons not known of here on this Earth," he tells Jessica. "Which you know takes up most of my time on weekends," he adds with great emphasis. He can feel Jessica just staring at his back as he pulls a glass down from the cabinet and opens the fridge.

"Oooooooohkay," Jess says slowly, her voice going up at the end. "Oh! Okay! Yeah! I've been briefed not to reveal the entry point even under the threat of water torture." To Jade she says, "Top secret government oath." Robbie hands Jade a glass of orange juice.

"You guys are … really related," Jade mutters.

Robbie turns the frying pan on and cracks an egg. Jade snaps, "Shapiro, wow, I really don't want to eat anything."

But she doesn't get up to stop him or throw anything at him which is what she would do if she really doesn't want him to do something. She's gone farther sometimes at lunch just to make him stop talking. Jess bounces up and starts making toast.

As he fries the egg, it occurs to Robbie that Jade... probably doesn't have anything to do on weekends. Anyone to hang out with, that is. He knows she and Beck aren't really talking yet and Cat might be out with Tori or Andre. It makes him feel bad. He's never considered the thought that Jade might be lonely, too.

He puts the egg down on a plate in front of her and Jess slides the toast on too. She picks up her own plate and shovels her cold and apparently too-salty scrambled eggs into her mouth as she heads towards the sink and deposits her plate.

Jess winks exaggeratedly at Robbie and bounces out of the room. A second later he hears her feet as she thunders up the stairs.

Robbie sits at the edge of the table, not the seat opposite to Jade, but one over. He thinks about Dad. Dad will probably be asleep still and then Robbie will wait outside the room while Cynthia rouses him and helps him change. Then it'll be an awkward hour or so as Dad talks about his family – his pretty wife and nine-year-old son and little daughter – and makes Robbie feel shitty. Then he'll get to come home and feel shitty about it all day.

"I really do need to learn to drive," he muses.

Jade stabs at the egg with a fork and watches the bright yolk ooze out of its wounds and onto the slightly soggy toast. She doesn't say anything.

"If you eat your egg and toast I'll go with you," he offers.

"You're aware," she glares, "that neither of these things are actually very beneficial to me."

"Healthy minds uncover more facts you'll find," Robbie quips brightly.

Jade closes her eyes like she's in pain.

* * *

She directs him down the winding streets of their town. Robbie's only driven once before – Beck's convertible, at 3 in the morning, with Beck and Jade sleeping drunkenly on each other in the backseat after a party at Cat's last year. He'd crept down the tiny sidestreets at a brazen 12 miles per hour.

As he's concentrating on the road, she pulls out a slim green pack of cigarettes and lights one up.

"Jade! No smoking! In my car!" Robbie squawks. She just sends an unimpressed look his way and ashes on the dashboard. He realizes, not for the first time, that telling Jade 'no' or anything close to the word 'no' is futile.

Eventually she instructs Robbie to turn onto the highway. He's freaking out internally and tries not to show his panic. He can't help but tap his brakes every time another car whizzes by him in the next lane.

"Don't freak about about the other cars," she commands him. "Just stay in your lane. You got your mirrors. If someone else hits you it's their fault and you're either dead or you get a shitload of insurance money."

It isn't very comforting. Maybe later, much later, he'll appreciate the sentiment she's trying to make.

Jade glares at his dashboard, leaning too close to Robbie to inspect his gas gauge ("Personal space, Jade!" he yelps). She instructs him to pull into the next gas station coming up, even though he's still got a bit under a quarter tank. He pulls in slowly. He's massively thrilled that he doesn't roll the car right over the beckoning gas attendant. Jade only snickers a little bit as Robbie fumbles at his window and forgets to pop open the fuel hatch.

"Can you fill it up, please? With regular unleaded?" Robbie asks the man, leaning too far out the window. Thank God he'd remembered to bring his wallet.

Jade laughs at him some more. "You are such a nerd, Shapiro! Regular unleaded! I don't even think that guy knows what you're talking about! How do you function _anywhere?_"

"It says the types of gas right there above the prices," Robbie points out. At this point he doesn't really care that she's teasing him. After all, he is such a nerd. Secondly, since he's a nerd, that means she just ate a fried egg cooked by a nerd. Jade ate a nerdy egg and currently has a little bit of nerd coursing through her system. How's them apples?

But he wisely doesn't share these ruminations.

They drive aimlessly for a bit longer. Robbie manages to relax some. He allows himself to rumble along at the actual speed limit, not ten miles under, as he had been doing. Jade fiddles with his radio until she finds a classic rock station and turns it up. She inclines her chair way back and tips her feet, clad in leather-bound flip-flops, up onto the dashboard. Her toes are painted electric blue, which surprises Robbie.

She lights another cigarette. Robbie takes his sights off the road long enough to send her a sharp glance. She just raises her eyebrows at him and puffs out smoke, as if daring him to do something.

He doesn't, not really.

"You know, you're probably going to get us pulled over!" he informs her. "Are you allowed to be sitting like that? Oh, I don't think so. And smoking! I thought you were smarter than that!"

"Should really watch it when you're talking to the girl with a lit cigarette two feet from your face," Jade says casually.

Robbie makes a face at her. "Going to get me arrested. Thrown in jail for the night. I don't think I can survive that sort of element!" He's concerned, yeah, but he's mostly just egging her on. Jade hasn't caused him bodily harm in over a year!

Jade rolls her eyes and laughs, a bit grudgingly he thinks. "Oh, you'll make someone a pretty little wife if we go to jail, Roberta," she says. She takes another drag of her cigarette.

It's kind of thrilling, being out with Jade. It's like they're a crime waiting to happen, or something equally lame. He decides against telling her this, too, though.

The Rolling Stones comes on the radio, and Jade turns it up and sings along to 'Wild Horses.' Why does she even know this song? Robbie wonders.

Eventually she guides him to the edge of town and they pull into the Starbucks parking lot. Jade tells him to park towards the back. "When you have to turn to park and it's on your side," she tells him he does just so, "no - don't start turning the wheel yet. Just start turning a liiiittle after you think you have to." He hesitates, but does as she says.

He taps on the brake about ten times and worries, "Aren't I going to hit the car on your side?"

"Nope! You're fine – you're fine. Straighten out," she commands, and he winds the wheel rapidly to the left for two turns.

Robbie clicks them into park and they step out of the car. The Civic rests perfectly in the center of the narrow spot.

"See? Good," Jade says.

He's gobsmacked. "I did it – I parked! Jade! We're at Starbucks!"

"Thank you, _Catherine Obvious_," Jade drawls witheringly. "Whatever would I do without your clever context clues?"

"Ugh," Robbie just says. He follows her into the building. As they stand in line Robbie offers to buy her drink – the biggest size they have. And maybe a muffin, he adds. It's past lunchtime.

"You sure?" she asks. It's the least Robbie can do. Right now he feels like he'd lease the building for her if she made any inclination that she'd want that. Jade orders her giant frap and a scone and Robbie gets a small cup of organic tea. Practically the only thing that doesn't have dairy or some sort of gluten in it. Not too thrilling, but he takes what he can get.

As they hang out by the rear counter and wait for their order to be called – Jade had given out the name Roberto when the cashier had asked for Robbie's name – when her face sours. He slowly turns to look in the direction she's souring at and his eyes find Cat and Andre giggling together in a small booth.

"Oh! We should go over and say hi! You can pretend you're not with me if you want!" he cries excitedly.

"Yeeeeah, um, Shapiro, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I think they're - " But Robbie has already grabbed his tea and is hurrying his way over. He hears her growl from behind him and then the sounds of her flip-flops scuffling as she follows.

Cat and Andre jerk towards him when he pops up beside their table.

"He_ee_ey Robbie," Andre says slowly. Cat grins and waves, then looks over his shoulder and cries, "_Jade?_"

"Yo," Jade says with minimal energy, coming to stand by Robbie.

Cat and Andre exchange a weird look that goes over Robbie's head. Jade abruptly drops down beside Andre, jabbing him in the side as he slides over to make room for her.

"Have a seat beside Kitty-Cat, o Roberto of Asgard," she chirrups. Robbie furrows his brows but does so.

They all sit in silence for a few seconds as Jade butters her scone and slurps and her frappaccino.

"So," says Andre slowly. "What are ... you guys doing together?"

"Oh, don't you just know," Jade says, in the weird _Dr Quinn Medicine Woman _voice she normally adapts when she's mocking Tori. "I'm only teaching the awkward young stable boy here how to take the horse and buggy out, and we ended up at this here fine establishment. Come to find you and darling Caterina preceding us! Just two friends exchanging pleasantries over coffee I should guess."

"Um, yeeeah," drawls Andre as Cat's peering out the window and asking Robbie if he really led a horse here, "Yeah, we're just talking about Sikowitz's class and what we think he's gonna do for this year's play."

"I am so, so sure." Jade smiles brightly at him.

Cat and Andre look uncomfortable as Jade drinks her coffee and complains about Sikowitz. She stretches out and drapes her arm luxuriously around Andre. He looks perturbed and shrugs it off, and Jade simply slides it around again.

Robbie's really confused. Cat doesn't really bother with Jade in a mood, but Andre always handles her and doesn't let her bully him. And it's not that she's really bullying right now, she's just – acting … really … insane.

Abruptly she she slams her almost empty cup down and stands up. "Okay, cool," she interrupts Cat flatly. "Robbie, you ready to parallel park?" She walks away, towards the exit.

"Uhh – sorry," Robbie says to his two staring friends, standing up and scooping Jade's trash together. "I – yeah – I better go after her. I don't know what's up with her."

They cry out their goodbyes to Robbie's back as he hurries after Jade. When he catches up to her, she's already leaning against his car, sunglasses back firmly on the bridge of her nose.

"You are, like, crazy!" he tells her, unlocking her door and then scurrying around to his side of the car.

"Okay, Loki," she says, and Robbie just stares at her. "That stupid shit you were saying this morning. Valhalla? Christ, I know my mythology. And there's no way in hell I'm ever calling you Thor."

They both get settled into their seatbelts. "Do you, like, have a problem with Cat and Andre now?" he asks as he slowly backs up and turns out of the parking spot. "Where to?"

"Old vacuum factory off of Victory Road," she tells him, and falls silent. Then she says, "And no, I don't have a problem with Cat or with Andre."

"Then what was up?" he questions her. He breaks at a stop sign and turns slowly off of Main Street.

"Why don't you tell me what it is you really do on Saturdays, Lokster?" she says and he flushes. "Yep. We all have our secrets. Including me. And Cat. And Andre."

Robbie still has no clue what she's talking about (what secrets could Cat and Andre possibly have? Are they somehow cheating in Sikowitz's class? Did they form another fake sports team without telling anyone?) but he decides to let it drop, save having her poke more about his weekend activities.

They drive to the vacuum factory – a huge, old building that's bright blue paint and is crumbling and chipping off in more places that not. It's being torn down to be turned into some sort of outlet mall, and there's piles of stone and debris everywhere.

Robbie pulls carefully into the parking lot. Jade gets out and orders him to carry cinder blocks from an old pile to certain spots on the cracked asphalt. She inspects them, then nods and they get back into the car.

She tells Robbie how to parallel park, step by step. He sucks at it the first few times but she doesn't get too impatient. "Beck, like, still can't do it," she tells him.

Eventually he gets it, though if they were doing this on a actual street he'd probably be about a foot up the curb, and she makes him do it a few times more, just to be sure. It takes him an equal amount of time to get out of the tight spot without hitting either of the cinder blocks.

Sunday is much of the same, but they don't go out to lunch again. Instead he drives them back to his house and Jade scowls at him while he makes her a peanut butter sandwich.

Jade chews the sandwich and glares at him when he eats an ice-pop.

"So are your parents, like, _never_ home?" she asks around a mouthful.

"My mom basically works, um, all the time," he says awkwardly. "I doubt we'll see her til after Thanksgiving. My dad is, like – gone – I mean, he's not around anymore."

"How long?" Jade asks.

"Uh – since I was eleven," he says, pushing his glasses tightly up his face. She doesn't question him any further.

"Yeah, I haven't seen my mom since I was like nine," is all she says and then takes another bite of her sandwich.

Jade washes her hands as Robbie stacks her plate and Jess's stuff from breakfast into the dishwasher. They go out driving for a bit more and she makes him get onto the highway once more and pull off at random exits, merging and getting back on again.

"You really don't suck too hard at driving, Loki," she says. "Maybe there's hope for you yet." He beams, and she adds, "But I doubt it."

She lets him put Creedence Clearwater Revival on without complaint, and she even turns it up and rolls both their windows down as they roar down the highway. She sings some songs that she knows and then she pokes and jabs him in the arm until he sings, too. They talk about 'The Sun Dog' screenplay and she makes Robbie howl with laughter and have to actually pull over when she talks about Treehugger Phoebe (or TP for short).

"Robert, are you definitely alright?" she questions in a voice that's eerily a spot-on impression of their teacher. "Is your chi out of whack? Goodness, your colors are all dim and murky. Let me massage your aura." She smokes the rest of her cigarettes and throws the empty pack out the window.

Eventually they meander their way back to his house. He invites her in for dinner, but she declines, saying she's had enough of him for the day. He stands on the porch and watches her drive off until her car disappears around the block, and then he stays outside for a bit longer.

**Author's Note: Yeah, I lied about waiting 'til tomorrow to post this.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Robbie feels like dancing through the week.

Jade scowls at him more than usual and sends him death glares whenever he tries to mention the weekend. He thinks she's so perturbed because she may have actually … god forbid, may have actually enjoyed herself the tiniest bit. This, most of all, is what makes him happy. Well, the Jade-enjoying-his-presence thing, not the her-thus-being-upset-by-it thing.

He aces his Chemistry test midweek and he's been doing better in Improv. He can tell even Sikowitz is pleased by him. Sikowitz claps and drinks his coconut milk through a pink straw

("Did you know that studies show coconut milk as being preventative in fighting memory problems and diseases such as Alzheimer's?" Robbie tells Jade later.

"You're such a freaker," she says).

Cat beams and giggles when he twirls her onstage and demands that she be placed in his harem, no other man shall have her! He and Beck, the sleek protagonist, fight with wooden swords over Cat's affections and Robbie gets stabbed in the throat and goes down, sputtering.

"Tell my mother ... to bury me in the rose garden," he croaks, and dies. Tori and Andre applaud wildly. Jade rolls her eyes and she claps too. Cat dances above him and Robbie pretends that he totally can't see up her skirt.

He reenacts Improv for Jess. She laughs at him and sighs that of course Beck would win the girl. Robbie fake-retches and pulls her hair. She shrieks and hits him with her heavily-packed duffle bag.

Friday comes. His mother frets and questions him all the way to Motor Vehicles. She's been really upset since he told her about his impromptu joy-ride with Jade, but Robbie isn't bothered. Should have been home to stop him, he thinks sharply, but does not dare to voice.

His driving instructor is a sallow man with droopy jowls and an even droopier gut. It hangs dangerously over his belt buckle.

The car sags greatly when Droopy settles into the passenger seat. Robbie feels intimidated by his clipboard, but he just pretends it's Jade next to him, calling him four-eyes and reminding him to use his turn signal.

He eases the car out of the parking lot and follows Droopy's instructions. Down the road, make a left. Out onto the highway. Merge left. Turn. Around the park. Yield in the shopping center. Do a K-turn. Stop at the crosswalks and let grandma and her dog amble past. He doesn't even go up the curb when he parallel parks!

Droopy Dog passes him with a grudging high score when they get back to the starting point and Robbie trots back into the Motor Vehicle agency, fills out papers and waits for forever and beams awkwardly as they take his license picture.

He calls Jade. She sounds bored and unimpressed, but congratulates him nontheless.

He calls Cat and she shrieks into his ear and he nearly drops the phone.

Tori congratulates him more seriously, and he can hear the smile in her voice. She says they should have a party in his honor, an 'Everyone Can Drive Except Tori' party. He laughs, agrees. Andre will make the cake, she decides. Robbie wants to tell her that he probably won't be able to eat said cake, but he doesn't want to spoil her fun. Tori's one of the only people he knows who just genuinely enjoys doing nice things for people.

Beck cheers and whoops when Robbie tells him the news. Andre's with him and Robbie can hear him exclaiming in the background.

"Now we'll be unstoppable!" Beck tells him exuberantly. "We're going to paint the town red! Well, maybe just dab a few spots. Actually, blue's a way better color, don't you think? Cerulean. Green is also acceptable."

* * *

He finds out the next day that, yes, Tori is actually orchestrating a party! He's honored. He spends a quick morning with Dad, not even flinching when Dad interrupts him to tell Robbie a story about something a client had done years ago. He proudly shows off his license to Mrs Savidge, who gasps appropriately and tells Robbie the girls must be lining up for him. She kisses his cheek and leaves a magenta smudge.

He comes home, showers, combs his hair fruitlessly. He packs up Jess and drives cautiously to Tori's house. He's barely out of the car before Tori and Cat barrel out of the front door, giggling and exclaiming.

"Why did you wear a_ tie_, Robbie?" Tori exclaims, laughing and hugging him and yanking on the plaid tie.

"Careful! It's a clip-on," he admits, as Tori tugs again before she can stop herself and the tie comes off in her hand. Cat pins a sparkly party hat onto his head. She drags Jess up out of the car and they run inside, laughing.

"Jade won't pick up her phone when I call her," Tori tells him. "If you want her here – could you call her? I mean, Beck's here too, but he's promised to be nice. I just want everyone together."

Nervously he calls Jade. He's sure she isn't going to pick up, but she answers on the last ring.

"Shapiro," she sighs.

"Why won't you come to Tori's party?" he blurts out.

There's a short pause, in which he's sure Jade is taking the time to roll her eyes at him.

"Do you know me?" she asks. "Really try not to associate with Tori or anything Tori does."

"Well – can't you just – for me?"

"No," she says flatly.

Robbie frowns deeply, then remembers she can't see him. He doesn't like to think of Jade all alone, not when everyone else is here together. Jade's just as much a part of the group as the rest of them. Admittedly, somewhat of a mean part, but definitely a part, Robbie thinks firmly.

"Should I use one of my days?" he asks her. From where she's watching him on the lawn, Tori's mouth twists in confusion.

"If you do, then I'll _politely decline,"_ Jade grits out tightly.

"Aw, Jade!" he whines.

She sighs. "What's it to you, Dorkbait?"

What _is_ it to him?

"Well," he starts. "I just want you to come. Cat's here! And Andre's here. And Trina's trying to sleep upstairs. You could, like, turn the music up really loud!" He wisely decides to not mention Beck's apparently presence.

"Hmm," is all Jade says.

"Please? And my sister's here! You know she has, like, a major girly crush on you. Don't you wanna insult me in front of her?"

"I have ice cream," Tori stage-whispers.

"There's ice cream!" Robbie says into the phone.

"Hmm," Jade says again.

"You're been very surly," Robbie tells her, cradling the PearPhone on his shoulder as he straightens out his clip-on tie. It's his dad's. "This is going to cause tension. Do you want to create a hostile working environment? It'll give me acid indigestion. The screenplay with suffer. I won't sign my name to it! TP will dock points. You're really screwing up my chi. My mother says - "

"Shut up!" Jade yells, and Tori backs away a step. "Oh my god, you just never stop talking, Shapiro!"

Robbie bites his lip and raises his eyebrows, then remembers again that she still can't see him. Maybe he should have done video-chat. His face annoys her a lot. Maybe she would come over and try to punch it.

Jade sighs again, heavily. "Fine, I'll make an appearance. My car is fucking up a lot. You're going to have to give me gas money. And maybe change my oil," she adds contemplatively.

"Okay!" Robbie cries. Beck has showed him all that stuff over the summer, before Robbie could even drive. He's also shown Robbie how to change a tire, but he wasn't very good at that.

Jade growls at him for a few moments more, then tells him she'll be heading over soon and hangs up abruptly.

"She's going to come over," Robbie tells Tori.

Tori squeezes him again. "Yay!" she yells into his ear.

Robbie knows that Jade's house is pretty far from Tori's so he goes inside to hang out for a few minutes. Cat and Jess are setting up Tori's Wii console. Beck waves him over, and they hang out by the kitchen and chat for a few minutes.

Tori's house is – nice. Robbie's been in it many times over the past year, but it's the first time he's really felt comfortable. It's very modern, but somehow so much … warmer, more comforting than his own home. Tori's mom collects little glass animals and they're scattered around on desks and end-tables.

He looks around at all the pictures hanging on the wall – Tori and Trina, in various ages and dress. Aunts and uncles and cousins. Tori as a toddler, posing on her father's shoulders as he stands with the rest of his police squad. Some of Tori's and Trina's books and notebooks are scattered about. Nothing's perfectly put-away like at Robbie's house. There are dolphin magnets on the fridge, the girls' progress reports. A menu for a pizza joint is taped up.

Andre bounds over and lunges at Robbie, grabbing him in a side-tackle. "Great job, man!" he cries, bouncing, rabbit-punches him in the shoulder.

Jade comes in a few minutes later. She scowls deeply when she sees Beck. Beck smiles and waves. Robbie hurries over to her. Cat tries to but a party hat on Jade, but Jade swats her away, glaring. "You keep her away from me," she instructs Robbie. Cat giggles.

Robbie helps Tori make fruit smoothies in the kitchen. They don't put the lid on right and yogurt and bananas spatter all over them. Jade's sitting on the counter laughing at them as they scurry around with paper towels. Andre and Jess and Beck are playing DDR in the living room. Cat's watching them and alternately cheering the players on. Trina hollers down the stairs at them to keep it down, she needs her beauty sleep.

She needs a lot, Robbie thinks.

Robbie dances awkwardly to old Ginger Fox songs with Tori and Jade. Jade yanks his tie off and throws it up onto Tori's ceiling fan. Cat and Andre are dancing, too. Beck hangs out on the couch. Jess sits too close to him and he lets her steal sips from his smoothie.

Tori has a pinata for him, and she and Andre set it up, hung from the ceiling fan, talking and giggling. She makes Robbie take first swing, but he refuses to put on the blindfold.

("Why not?" Tori pouts.

"Do you _know me?_" he asks. "Do you want a hole in your wall?"

Tori nods and puts the blindfold away.)

He and Beck bat at the pinata until it bursts and little packages of rice-cakes fall out everywhere.

"Look!" Tori cries, waving one in his face. Then she frowns. "You can eat these, right?"

He laughs at her. Yeah, they're about the only snack he _can_ eat. He feels oddly touched. Cat creeps up and pins a party hat on Tori, and she just rolls her eyes and smiles at Robbie.

Around midnight Trina comes down in a facial mask (she's got cucumbers strapped to the top of her head) and terrorizes them until they decide to call it a night. Jade jets off immediately, telling Tori thanks for the dork-o-rama and throwing Robbie's tie in his face. She grabs his wallet out of his back pocket ("Jade!" he cries, scandalized) and steals a ten. Robbie re-clips his tie and eats a rice cake. Cat and Andre putter around for a few minutes and then they leave as well.

He and Beck lure Trina to the garage and lock her in. They help Tori clean up as best they can, picking up rice cake wrappers and everyone's half-empty smoothie cups. She shoos them off eventually, and Beck helps Robbie carry a sleeping Jess out to Robbie's Honda. Beck covers her with his military jacket and thumps Robbie on the back, then takes off in his convertible.

Robbie drives home slowly, as not to wake Jess, and hums quietly along to the rock tunes that are lilting softly from the radio. Mom's car isn't there, so he parks in her spot, closer to the side door, and drags Jess inside, half-slung over his shoulder. She wakes up for long enough to drag herself up the steps as Robbie compulsively tidies up downstairs, still jazzed from the party. He's still got his green-and-purple sparkle fedora on. Cat has a credit card to Fiesta City.

He turns the little night-light on in the hallway and leaves Jess's door open a crack. Then he reopens the door and tosses Beck's jacket onto her bed. She'll probably start shrieking in the morning. He goes into his own room, rearranges Rex on the desk, and falls into bed and into sleep almost immediately.

* * *

As October blends into November and onwards, Robbie finds himself inordinately busy.

Now that he can drive, he usually picks up Tori for school. She's a good car-ride companion. She's not a morning person in the least, and she doesn't play with the radio incessantly like Cat does, and she doesn't hit him like Jade would, and she definitely doesn't smoke. Sometimes she brings an extra coffee thermos for him. When she's feeling awake enough, they talk about music and homework assignments and what hair care products Beck must use.

"I just can't get that _bounce _that he has," Tori contemplates, running her hand through her mostly-straight hair.

"You can have some of mine," Robbie offers, and Tori laughs.

Sometimes he and Tori go out to eat after school. She's really a great friend, he decides. They eat at Good Burger and stop at Nozu a lot. She doesn't even yell when he forgets his wallet in his locker one day. They have to wash dishes for a while before Robbie manages to convince Mrs. Lee to let him run back to the school.

"You be back in twenty minutes," she instructs him stiffly. "Or girl gets it." She glares at Tori.

Tori gulps and looks nervously at the giant raw squid on the kitchen's counter. "Please hurry," she tells Robbie.

Robbie drives in a mad rush. He puts the pedal to the metal, veering at four miles over the speed limit! Sikowitz is milling about in the hallways, probably just_ looking_ for someone to bug, and tries to tell Robbie a tale about the time he and his girlfriend when to Honolulu, but ended up on an Air Malaysia flight instead. Robbie strongly suspects that there were narcotics involved.

"Not now," he cries, running from Sikowitz. "Tori's sanity and overall well-being depends on me!"

"Go to her, Robbie!" Sikowitz yells as Robbie jets down the hall. "Go to her, and let her know how you feel!" He slurps his coconut milk. Robbie makes a face.

"Crazy!" he mutters, and flings open his locker.

"I had to chop up the squid," Tori whimpers into his jacket when he finally arrives back at Nozu. He pats her comfortingly, or with as much comfort as he can manage when there's a pretty girl all up on his jacket. She smells overwhelmingly like seafood.

Robbie pays the glaring Mrs. Lee and takes Tori home. She stares out the window silently and sniffles occasionally. Robbie frets about post-traumatic stress disorder. He'll have to do some reading later.

* * *

Robbie has to work on Mondays and Wednesdays, sometimes Sunday afternoons, and Saturdays he's been spending with Beck and Andre for, like, forever. He's gotten them into Kingdom Hearts and right now they're balls-deep (Beck's world) in Tarzan's jungle.

Andre tells him, "You do know just how freaking dirty that sounds, right, man?"

"Shut up," Beck says, his eyes not moving from the screen, where Donald and Goofy are jumping over lily-pads and hippos. "How do I get back to the stupid tree-house?" he demands of Robbie. Beck and Andre scream as the scene cuts on the screen and they have to battle the jaguar.

Robbie laughs.

* * *

Aside from visiting Dad, the rest of his week is free.

He spends a lot of time with Jade.

They pour over the screenplay – Jade manages to work a lot of the spoken text into it, and she and Robbie decide what scenes to cut and alter and where the scenes will take place. It's too early to start thinking of props, but Robbie scours the thrift stores until he finds an old Polaroid camera. He and Jade take it apart and clean it and paint it with special black paint from the hardware store, making it looks shiny and almost other-wordly. Perfect.

Sometimes they meet at Jade's house, but mostly they hang out at Robbie's, despite Jade's earlier claim of not wanting to drive there frequently.

Jade's house is big (bigger than Robbie's, definitely, but nowhere near as colossal as Beck's) and dark. Everything that can be stainless steel is as such. All the TVs are always on and blaring, even when seemingly no one's home. Weirdly, there are also toys strewn all over the house, GI Joes and comics and coloring books and puzzles all muddled together with the weird modern art that's everywhere.

"My brother's seven," Jade shrugs, kicking aside a plastic army tank and opening the fridge. "Sophia - " Jade's stepmom - "fired the maid last month and they haven't hired a new girl yet."

Robbie doesn't blame her for not wanting to be at home too much. He himself has never particularly liked being in his own house in recent years, especially when Jess isn't around, but it's not so bad when Jade's there with him. They scatter their papers all over the kitchen table and drink juice boxes. Jade complains about the lack of good food in his house, so he and Jess go on a trip to the super market one night and load up on snacks – chips and pretzels and boxed cupcakes and ice cream.

She's still pretty rude to him, but he hasn't had to use another of his remaining eleven days yet. At least she tries to tone down the swearing when Jess is around, though. She can be thoughtful in ways Robbie hasn't yet comprehended. She can also be ... well, Jade. She chews the erasers off of all his pencils, then tells him he's disgusting when he bites his nails. She puts her feet on the couch. She arranges the magnetic letters on the fridge to spell out dirty phrases. She eats all his chocolate and coffee ice cream. Robbie buys more.

One day they're in Robbie's room, looking for Sharpie pens to mark the draft of the screenplay with. Jade teases him for his Galaxy Wars sheets and pokes around at the bottled ships he and his dad had built years ago, right when he'd first gotten sick. She scoffs at his picture-board, full of photos of the gang and shots from _Oliver!_ That he'd taken so long ago when he, Jess, and his mom had gone to see it.

She pulls down an old, old photo that's hiding in the corner of the cork-board. It's him, his mom and dad and Jess, at Venice Beach, years and years ago. Robbie's small and skinny and holding his toddler sister on his shoulders.

He looks at it, too, over Jade's shoulder. He remembers the horrible sunburn he'd gotten that day. His mom had stepped on a jellyfish and spent the rest of the trip yelling at Robbie and his father when they continually offered to pee on her. The picture is from the end of the day. Everyone in the family looks tired, but they're all beaming at the camera.

"You guys look … happy," Jade says.

"Yeah," Robbie says. "Yeah, we were."

Jade doesn't say anything else. She carefully tacks the picture back up where it was. Robbie finds the Sharpies in his desk drawer, and they troop back downstairs in a contemplative, and not altogether uncomfortable, silence.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

It's two weeks before Christmas. Holiday music swells in the Hollywood Arts halls in between class periods, and there are decorative wreaths hung from every single doorway. Andre and Cat get caught beneath the mistletoe, and they laugh. Robbie scurries away before he can see what happens. Jade and Beck also find themselves under one. Beck smirks lazily at her. She punches him in the stomach.

There's only less than a week and some odd days of school left before winter break begins. It's Thursday now. Jade, Robbie, and Cat are squished together at one of the smaller courtyard tables at lunch, with Robbie and Jade putting the final touches on their screenplay. It's not due until they'll return in January, but they're trying to submit it early.

He frowns as Jade signs her name to the document - _Jade O West._

_"_Jade _O?"_ he asks.

She glares at him. "Don't worry about it, Shapiro."

He can't think of any names that begin with O, other than Oliver. "Did you take Beck's name?" he gasps.

She rolls her eyes so severely that he's fearful for her vision. "No."

"Olga?" he guesses. "Oprah?"

Jade glares. "Ottelia," she grits out.

Robbie stares. "Oh," he says.

"My mom," she says simply.

"It's really nice," he tells her. She just glowers at him. He clears his throat, and turns his attention back to Cat.

Cat's browsing the internet on her Pearphone and downloading songs. She's been annoying Jade all day.

Cat taps away at her screen. "Hold me closer, Tony Danza," she sings absently. "Count the headlights on the hiiiiighway."

Robbie cracks up and chokes on his bottle of Double Dark Chocolate soy milk. Double Dark Chocolate bubbles out of his nose.

"That's _disgusting,_" Jade tells him appreciatively.

Robbie cackles and chokes. "_Tony – Danza,_" he manages to sputter, causing more soy milk to trickle out of his mouth and nostrils. He puts his head down on the now-messy table and howls weakly.

Cat frowns at him. "What's so funny?" she demands. Robbie coughs and sputters, trying to contain himself.

"You do know the title of that song is _'Tiny Dancer,_' right?" Jade asks her.

"Of course I do," Cat says, pouting a bit and scrunching up her brows. "Isn't it weird that he never says it in the song?" She continues singing. _"Tony Danza in my haa-aand."_

Robbie wails with laughter again. He can't breathe. Oh god, he's going to die at Hollywood Arts. He never pictured it ending this way.

Jade thumps him on the back, too hard. "Cat, you're seriously killing my Lit Media partner here," she tells the redhead. "I know it's tempting, but I kind of need him." He knows that Jade means she needs him for the project, but it's nice to hear anyone say that under any circumstances.

The girls watch him as he slowly gains control of himself. Whenever he thinks he's going to be all right, Cat's lyrics will echo in his head, and he'll start sputtering again. He tries to drink more of his soy milk, but that just makes it worse. Jade hands him a bottle of water. He takes it gratefully and gulps it.

Jade watches him out of the corner of her eye, then says drolly, "You'll marry a music man."

It's not even funny (well, unless Jade was talking to Tony Danza), and it's actually a correct lyric from the song, but it makes Robbie spit his water across the table anyway. He gives up, tossing the opened water bottle down onto the pavement, and puts his head in his hands, letting the laughter bubble out from him. His stomach hurts. His eyes water. He's sure his hiccuping laughter does not sound attractive in the least.

Eventually he manages to calm down. He lifts his head out of his hands. Jade's completely ignoring him, sipping her grape soda through a straw as she reads their screenplay. Cat's glaring at him.

"You're a real jerk, Robbie," she informs him. Jade's eyes roam everywhere. She's looking like she wants to come in with another Elton John lyric, and he watches her bite her lip in containment before lowering her head again.

"I'm sorry, Cat," he says sincerely. His voice is a little hoarse. "It was just ... funny."

"So you just laugh at me for eight minutes?" she cries. "I don't know what your deal is anymore. Are you turning into Jade or something? I can't handle two of you!" she exclaims. "No offense, Jade."

"None taken," Jade replies flatly, not looking up from her papers.

"I'm going to go sit with Andre!" Cat declares, and in a sweep of papers and textbooks, she leaves.

Robbie stares at her with his mouth agape.

"What does that mean?" he demands. "Am I turning into you?"

Jade rolls her eyes.

"Can your species even change genders?" she asks blandly, turning a page in her binder. "I thought you reproduced by cross-pollination."

"You're a riot act," he tells her dryly.

Jade smirks. "Thanks," she says.

"Maybe I should go and apologize," Robbie frets.

Jade doodles a bit on her papers. "Just chill out, Shapiro. Cat's a nitwit. She thinks Elton John wrote a song about the guy from _Who's the Boss._ You laughed. No big deal. Just go bring her a cookie or something later. Maybe some glitter. She'll get over it."

"She isn't a nitwit," Robbie frowns. He watches Cat flounce across the courtyard and sit down next to Andre. He smiles at her and says something. Cat starts talking animatedly, waving her hands around. She doesn't look very upset anymore, he notes.

"_Blue jean baby,_" Jade sings, turning a page.

* * *

He needs to start thinking of presents. He really has no idea what to get everyone this year. There's a rock festival on New Year's Eve that Andre has been talking about, maybe he can get them all tickets for that.

It's just after five o'clock. Jade's at his house, under the guise of making him read a last-minute edit she's done, but really just eating him out of house and home. She's lounging on the plastic-covered couch with her feet in Jess's lap and they're eating cookie dough (lucky ducks). Jess is making Jade watch Little House on the Prairie.

"Don't help me, guys," Robbie calls from the kitchen, where he's cleaning up Jess's latest dinner attempt. It's a vegetable casserole with strategically-placed soy cubes. The string beans are burnt black and the soy is still, well, soy. She probably should have covered it with foil, he thinks. Or not set the oven to 500 degrees and then went and taken a shower. Thank Moses he and Jade had come along before the string beans had had a chance to do more than smolder.

He scrapes at the glass dish doubtfully.

Even though she's in the other room, he still hears Jade snort derisively. Jess calls out, "We weren't planning to!"

Robbie rolls his eyes. He gives up on the pan and dumps the whole casserole in the sink and runs some water on it. The string beans hiss and crackle disapprovingly at him.

He comes back into the living room and perches on arm of the couch by Jade's head. She glances up at him. She's wearing her huge, wrap-around sunglasses again, probably to try and annoy him. What with the spoon hanging out of her mouth, she looks quite comical. Sort of like an annoying insect.

"Are you guys sharing a spoon?" he asks in disbelief. "You're going to get sick. You can't just eat raw eggs."

"No, _you _just can't eat raw eggs," Jade says, popping the spoon out of her mouth.. Jess takes it from her and swirls it around in the tub of Nestle chocolate chip mix.

"Jason Bateman gets shot in this episode," she informs them.

Jade snorts again. "_Who?_ Are you serious? Which one is he?"

"The little kid! They adopted him during the Tuesday night block."

"Of course they did," Jade rolls her eyes. "Does he die?"

"No! Pa takes him up and makes an offering to God."

"What, like a goat?" Jade asks, furrowing her brow. Her eyebrows disappear beneath her sunglasses. She turns to the TV with great interest.

"No, Jade! Not like a goat!" Robbie exclaims in exasperation.

She smirks up at him. "Ooh, Robbie, I love it when you say my name like that."

Jess snickers. Robbie rolls his eyes at the both of them. How has this become his life, he sometimes wonders, and why does it not bother him more?

They watch TV for a little bit. It's not the first time Jess has forced Jade to watch Little House. For a while, Jade had gone around cackling and calling him Albert. She said that they had a likeness, both in looks as well as idiot personality. Robbie had grumbled, though at least it was better than her constantly calling him Loki. She has a lot of cute nicknames for him (well, in addition to her generic ones, like _geekbait_ and _loserface)_. Roberto, Loki, Freakazoid, Geppeto, and now Albert. Beck makes weird faces at them when she calls him these.

"Albert is not perfect like Robbie," Jess had lectured her. "He's a drug addict! Also he sort of kills Mary's baby." Jade had laughed a lot, probably at Jess's inference that Robbie was perfect.

In his pocket, Robbie's phone buzzes repeatedly. It's probably Beck. It's Friday, and he's been texting Robbie nonstop since school had let out.

It is Beck. "Do you want to go to a party at Cat's house?" he asks Jade warily. "Her parents aren't home for the whole weekend. Her brother is buying a keg." He frowns at his phone. He probably shouldn't have read that verbatim.

Jade looks mildly interested. "Who's going to be there?" she inquires.

"Um... I assume everyone. Beck's already there. He says Tori's going to make cupcakes or something."

"Oh, wonderful. Is his new little girlfriend there?"

Beck has been casually and then not-so-casually dating a sophomore since the start of December, a girl named Alison. She's short and skinny with straight-cut white-blonde hair. She's in the orchestra at Hollywood Arts and she can play the violin, the cello, and something weird called the bassoon. Jade doesn't really like her, but she hasn't poured coffee on her or tried to frame her for murder or anything … at least not yet.

"I'm not sure," Robbie frowns. "Probably?"

Jade, for some reason, looks even more intrigued. "Hmm, we should go. But what's Pigtails going to do?"

Jess scowls at Jade. She'd worn her hair in pigtails once right after Thanksgiving and Jade has been calling her that ever since. "I," she says haughtily, "have a prior engagement. I have a _date_."

"What?" cries Robbie indignantly. "No you do _not!_" She's only twelve, for God's sake!

"Well, it's sort of a date," she sniffs. "I have to go over Karl Shuberg's and work on our math project. He's hopeless without me. You can call his mom, Robbie."

"Who is Karl?" Robbie demands. "Is he in your grade? Is he Jewish? What's his social security number? When will you be home? Who's taking you home?"

Jade laughs at him. "I remember when I was twelve - "

"Do not finish that story!" he cries again. He grabs up the TV remote and turns up the volume.

Jess snorts at him. All these bad habits she's picking up from Jade! With her horrible allergies, Jess shouldn't be snorting, ever. It's a hazard to them all. "His parents are driving me home! He's in my grade, Robbie. You met him when you came to Parent-Teacher Night!"

"Oh, yeah," he mumbles. Karl is the little blonde boy on the North Ridge middle school swim team. He's in seventh grade, like Jess, but he's nearly as tall as Robbie.

Jade arches a brow up at him. "You went to Parent-Teacher Night?" she asks incredulously.

"Our mother was working!" Jess snaps.

Jade holds up her hands, which is awkward since she's still laying down. "Just asking," she says.

Robbie questions his sister for a few more minutes. Karl Shuberg's parents are picking her up at six-thirty. They'll also be bringing her home, around ten o'clock. Yes, they will be there the entire time. Little House on the Prairie ends, and Jess bounces off to get her schoolbooks. Jade eventually sits up and pulls her sunglasses off. She has little indentations on her nose.

"So are you going to bring me to Cat's?" she demands.

Robbie frowns thoughtfully. "I don't know. There's going to be alcohol! I don't want to get Cat in trouble. She's still mad at me, you know. Spiked eggnog at Beck's house is one thing. I don't know how I feel about egging Cat on to be a miscreant."

Jade rolls her eyes at him, hard. "Did your mother have any kids that lived?" she asks drolly. "Sincerely."

"Stop quoting Wil Wheaton movies," he commands her.

* * *

Eventually they make it to Cat's house. Jade adjusts his mirror and blasts Nirvana. She leans over him to cackle at his elderly neighbors' walking group making the rounds. "It's the Golden Girls!" she screams. Robbie drives up a curb.

Cat's brother is heading out the doorway as they're coming in, looking shady as always. He has a new tattoo on his neck. It looks infected. As he slides past them, he covertly presses a pack of cigarettes into Jade's hand.

"Thanks, Mike," she says, as Robbie squawks with indignation.

Their friends are milling about inside. Alison's standing next to Beck, who's sprawled out on Cat's couch, chatting up at her. She sends Robbie a smile – he's met her before, twice, when she was over at Beck's RV – and sends a wary, sort-of-trying-to-smile, look at Jade. Jade just grins at her like a shark.

"Are you going to be good?" Robbie demands in a whisper to her.

Jade rolls her eyes severely. They threaten to fall out of her sockets. "Yes daddy! I promise!" she says sweetly. He feels mildly disturbed. Why does she live to torment him at every moment?

Cat bounces over to them. "Hi Jade! Hey Robbie!" He guesses she's over the Tiny Danza, Tony Dancer thing, or at least she's forgotten it for now. She giggles. "Isn't this cool? My first big girl party! My brother bought _champagne_ too!"

"Is your brother even old enough to buy alcohol?" Robbie asks skeptically.

"Well... no," Cat says shiftily. "But he has a friend, who works at the liquor store. Her name's Gin. Short for Ginny!"

"Of course it is," Jade says.

"This is so very illegal," Robbie starts to say, but Jade grabs his arm and starts dragging him to the kitchen.

"Come on, party animal," she says. "You can be my personal connoisseur."

Just what he had wanted in a Friday night, and more. He sighs in resignation.

But true to her word, Jade is good – mostly. She doesn't start anything with Beck and Alison. In fact, briefly, he sees the two girls chatting. Alison actually smiles at Jade! Where he's standing next to Robbie, Beck looks scared.

When she eventually crosses the room, she smirks at Beck, who quickly scurries to Alison's side.

"What were you saying to her?" Robbie asks in a whisper, even though the music that's playing is pretty loud.

"Just extolling Beck's virtues," she says innocently. Robbie looks at her doubtfully. She puts her sunglasses on.

Tori comes in with her tray of red-and-green frosted cupcakes (Robbie looks at them longingly) and greets everyone. Cat tries to make them sing the twelve days of Christmas, but no one else really knows the words well enough to chime in.

Robbie's father had been – was, is - Jewish, though they never really practiced it. Robbie can speak a little bit of Hebrew. When he was younger, he looked forward to practicing for his Bar Mitzvah. After Dad got sick, though, it didn't really seem to matter much anymore. His mother is some sort of Christian, so they've always had a Christmas tree in the home. Aside from that, though, his family had never really focused on any of the winter solstice holidays.

Jade drinks a lot of beer and a lot of champagne. Robbie frowns.

They sit Indian-style on the floor with Tori. She and Jade have been almost friendly since they had to act as a married couple in one of Sikowitz's demented plays. Sikowitz had forced them to have lunch together! Jade won't tell Robbie what happened, other than that it was horrible. Whatever, he thinks. They probably bonded over how boys suck and sang a song together.

Jade keeps trying to light her cigarette, right there in Cat's house!, but Robbie continually snuffs it out with his fingertips. She just glares at him. He's pretty sure she's already drunk, or the glare would have been much more severe, and possibly bodily-harming.

She stumbles up and makes her way back to the kitchen to get another drink. "I hear the grape juice is lovely this year!" he calls to her back. She ignores him.

Tori's looking at him with great interest. "What is going on with you and Jade?" she asks.

Robbie shrugs. A lot is going on with him and Jade.

Her car had broken down a bit over a week ago, or maybe she'd gotten pulled over without her car insurance, or maybe she'd hit someone - she was a bit vague on the details. So now he picks Jade up for school as well as Tori. His back seat is literally covered in all of her weird CDs. The first time she's played Hole, which is some sort of girl band, Robbie had almost driven into a tree. Jade has smiled. "I brought their best CD," she'd informed him, as Courtney Love had wailed about being a teenage whore. From the backseat, Tori had looked nervous. Sometimes they listen to other stuff, which he doesn't mind as much. She likes to play this weird Russian band a lot, too. He doesn't really get their lyrics, which is a bunch of gypsy nonsense, but sometimes they play the accordion, which is cool in Robbie's book. And she has lots of Nirvana – he remembers buying their acoustic album for his dad.

She's also stolen Robbie PearPhone and made changes to all his contacts. Whenever Beck calls him, his phone plays a Disturbed song. Cat's ringtone is, of course, Elton John, as of yesterday. She hasn't assigned Tori a song yet, though. He's sure she's still searching for the perfect one.

"I'm her driver, her bodyguard, and apparently her personal waiter for tonight," he says finally.

Tori just raises her eyebrows. "You guys are becoming, uh, pretty close," she muses.

Robbie frowns. "No ... I don't think so. Is it possible to get close to Jade?"

"Didn't she, like, stop you from eating a candy bar the other day?"

"It would have made my stomach hurt," he says defensively. "I can't work with acid indigestion. She says I become incorrigible. It affects our working environment. I do my best writing under the influence of V8 and rice cakes. Why do you think she keeps them in her locker?"

Tori just stares at him. "Okay," she tells him brightly. Robbie rolls his eyes at her.

The night goes on. Robbie doesn't drink any alcohol – not when he'll have to drive himself and Jade home later, and definitely not when Jess will be at home to see him. "Don't worry, Robbie," Alison squeaks at him. "Tori and I aren't drinking either."

Jade is flitting around everywhere. At one point, he comes out of Cat's bathroom to see her and Beck standing close together in the hall, furiously whispering to each other. They both stare at Robbie when he opens the door. They'd look pretty annoyed, but later, Jade steals a cupcake from Beck's hand like it's nothing, and he doesn't stop her. Robbie's confused. Were they arguing? Are they friends again?

Near midnight, it seems like the party takes an abrupt turn. Andre and Beck seem to not be speaking. It's very odd. They've never fought before, and Robbie has no idea what's going on. As the boys drink more and more, the tension grows thicker and thicker.

"Do you know what's going on?" he stage-whispers to Tori. She shrugs. She has green frosting in her hair. She's nursing a cup of ginger ale very morosely. Tori's apparently the sort of person who thinks it's hilarious to pretend to get smashed on root beer. Robbie had had to cut her off earlier. Jade is in the corner, braiding Cat's red hair into a million tiny braids.

Andre goes over to Cat and tugs on one of her braids. Jade slaps his hand away with drunken precision. Andre laughs at her. Jade scowls at him tightly. Her whole face screws up.

From across the room, Beck stands up suddenly, almost toppling Alison off of his lap. She squeaks loudly. He hurries across the room and drags Andre into the kitchen. Cat jumps up and follows them. Jade is left mid-braid, her hands still comically raised up in the air. She glares at Robbie and Tori, apparently for witnessing this.

A few moments later Beck and Andre leave the kitchen. Andre punches Beck in the shoulder, playfully, but Beck doesn't really respond. "I'm outie," Andre says lightly, but he doesn't look too happy. He picks up his coat and disappears quickly.

"Okaaaay," Tori says slowly. Andre hadn't even said goodbye to them. By the couch, Robbie can hear Alison's high-pitched voice as she questions Beck. Beck just shrugs at her sullenly.

They leave a few moments later, too. Alison's driving. Beck claps Robbie roughly on the shoulder and stares at him hard. Robbie has no idea what's happening. Cat is, apparently, still in the kitchen.

"Yeeah, we should probably go, too," he mumbles to Tori. Jade had made her way back to them at some point and is currently asleep and drooling on Robbie's shoulder. "Can you help me take her to my car?"

He and Tori heft Jade onto their shoulders and make their way out the door. She mumbles something intelligible and pulls Robbie's hair. They load her into the passenger seat. Robbie blushes when he leans over Jade to click her seat belt into place.

"Is she going to be all right?" Tori asks, frowning.

Robbie shrugs. "I guess so. Don't worry. I'll make sure she gets home."

"Yeah, I know you will," Tori says. She looks tired. "This night has been … interesting. I really have no clue what just happened. And usually Jade's the one to cause the drama!"

"Yeah, I know, right?" Robbie smiles. He and Tori stand there for a minute in the cool night air. It should be awkward, but it's not.

"Do you … need a ride?"

Tori brushes her long hair back behind her ears. Most of the frosting's gone now. "Nah, it's okay. I should probably check on Cat. Help her clean up. I'll probably sleep over or something. Worst case, I make Trina come and get me."

He nods. "All right then. Good luck. Will you tell Cat goodbye for me? I'd go in, but -" he gestures to Jade - "I don't want to leave the monster unattended."

"Yeah, of course I will. Um … Good luck to you too," Tori says, glancing into his car. The monster has awoken and she glares blearily at Tori.

Robbie slips into the driver's seat and adjusts his mirrors, then backs slowly out of Cat's driveway. He decides it's best not to speak to Jade right now. He hasn't ever been hungover before, and he has no idea when it starts.

Jade rolls her window all the way down and lolls with her face peeping out into the night sky.

"Don't take me home," she says suddenly.

"What?" He brakes carefully at an intersection.

Her head rolls around to look at him. "I really don't want to go back there," she says. Her voice sounds weird. It's because she's not speaking in her normal, dulcet tones. She sounds very child-like.

"Umm – okay," Robbie says slowly. He has no idea what to do. "Where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know," she mumbles, closing her eyes, letting her head fall against the headrest. "I'll go sleep in Beck's RV."

"Uh – probably not a good idea," he responds, just as slowly. "Are you still drunk?"

She glowers at him. "Of course I am," she snaps. "I don't want to go hooome. Just drop me off at the park. I'm a big girl. I'll sleep on the slide."

"It's after midnight, Jade!" he yelps. "I am not leaving you at a park. Why don't you want to go home?"

"Why do you ask so many questions?" she snaps.

"Probably because you're insane!" he cries. Jade closes her eyes.

He ignores her outburst and drives slowly back to her house. He doesn't know what else to do. All the lights are out when he pulls into the driveway.

"Jade?" He pokes her timidly. "Jade, we're at your house."

She grunts.

"Um – yeah," he says. He gets out of the car and crosses over to her side.

She pushes down on the car-lock button and she locks him out! "I'm not going in," she tells him loudly.

"Jade!" he cries. He dives into her window and fumbles with the car lock. She bites at his hand. "Ow! What's your problem!"

"I told you not to take me here!" she yells.

"You fell asleep! I'm not going to dump you in a park! Do you want to get murdered?" he cries back, just as loudly. Across the street, a porch light turns on. "Aw, peppercorns."

Jade pouts deeply. "Robbie," she practically wails. "I really don't want to stay heeeere. Don't make me stay heeeere. WHY are you doing this?"

Another light goes on.

"Aw, jeez," he whines. "Ugh! You can …. you can stay at my house, I guess. Why you'd want to I have no idea."

"Really?" she furrows her brow at him. "I said you can drop me off at Beck's."

"What, are you guys, like, magically sleeping together again?" he hisses.

She frowns. "Nooooo," she drawls thoughtfully. She pokes him in the nose. He sneezes.

"Peppercorns!" he cries again, in great frustration. "Jade, I'm not dropping you off at Beck's! You can stay at my house. Just stop yelling!"

"Who's yelling?" Jade yells. Robbie notes that across the street, another light has gone on.

Robbie runs around back to the driver's side.

"Open this door," he commands her. She glares fuzzily at him and then does.

"Your neighbors probably think we're in a domestic dispute," he informs her as he re-buckles his seat belt.

Jade throws her head back onto the headrest and laughs. "Good," she says lazily. Robbie huffs and starts backing down her driveway.

He texts Jess (this has been quite the night - underaged drinking, and now he's texting and driving! Sweet Moses) and tells her that Jade is crazy and apparently sleeping over. All she sends back is an exclamation point. She's surely in bed already. He feels a bit bad for bothering her.

When they get to Robbie's house Jade makes no movement to get up out of the car. He has to come around and unbuckle her seat belt. He's worried he'll have to carry her, but eventually she pulls herself out of the car. She isn't talking much, anymore.

"Do you want – the couch?" Robbie asks her, then shakes his head. "No, my mom might see you. I guess you can stay in my room."

The walk up the steps is a slow procession, as Jade is still very drunk. He has to half-hold her as she goes up. She's probably going to kill him tomorrow for being helpful. "Don't wake Jess up," he whispers as they meander down the hallway.

Jade sits blearily on Robbie's bed. She's pulled her hair up in a high ponytail, he thinks when they were in the car, and during the night she's rubbed off most of her makeup. She looks very small and very young sitting amidst his Galaxy Wars sheets. He feels a weird pull in his stomach that he's not about to dissect right now.

"Should I sleep on the floor?" she mumbles tiredly.

"No – no, it's okay. You're a guest," he tells her, making himself smile. It's not that hard. He starts pulling extra blankets from his closet. Jade curls up around his pillow.

"Thanks, Robbie," she says, very quietly.

"For what?" he says. She doesn't answer. When he turns, she's just looking at him.

He pulls the cord to turn his ceiling fan on. Arranges his blankets into a nice little nest on his floor. Jade tosses a pillow at him. He flickers the light switch and settles awkwardly onto the ground. How many times has he laid awake, listening to the slight whistling hum of the ceiling fan? But never, with another person in the room.

From somewhere above him, Jade lilts, softly, off-key, "_Hold me closer, Tony Daaaanza._"

Robbie can't help but laugh. Eventually, they both sleep.

**Author's Note: Whew! This chapter was incredibly hard to write, probably since it's mostly filler / fluff.**

**Hopefully everything is flowing all right and the way I intend it to. I have a specific storyline I want to follow, the problem is just … getting to the point I want to get it to. Things are going to go down the drain for Robbie pretty soon - hopefully I don't wuss out in taking Robbie to where I want him to be.**

**I'd also like to thank everyone for their wonderful reviews, PMs, and favorites. You guys are all amazing! I have a few of you I'd like to address, but I'll put it in the next chapter or so.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

He wakes up to Jade kicking him in the face as she's getting out of his bed.

They both stare at each other.

Jade scrubs at her face with a hand. "Well, this isn't awkward," she grumbles.

Robbie's fallen asleep with his glasses on and his face hurts. He squints up blearily at Jade. "What time is it?"

"Almost ten," she says. "I'm just gonna jet. My dad is going to freak if I'm not home soon."

"Oh – uh, do you need a ride home?"

She's stepping over him in a quick movement and working her fish-netted feet into her big black boots. "Nah, it's cool. I'll just catch the bus across town. Go back to sleep."

"It's not a problem," he insists, sitting up. His back feels all knotted up, and he's hungry. He hadn't really eaten anything at the party.

"It's not a problem for me either," Jade tells him. She glances at him quickly. He can't get over how different she looks with her her hair pulled away from her face. She says, with some reluctance, "Thanks for letting me crash here, Shapiro."

"It's fine," he says. They look at each other.

Jade makes a pained face. "Do we have to, like, _talk_ about it and shit?"

"No," he tells her after a moment of rumination, laughing a little bit. "It's really fine. I mean, I ... um, I get it, I guess."

She nods a little. "Right. Cool. Well … I guess I'll see you at school."

"Okay," he says. She's already halfway out his door. "You want a ride Monday morning?"

"Um, duh!" she calls out to the hallway.

Robbie pulls the blanket back over his head.

* * *

Shortly before Christmas – they've only got a single day of school left after this, can't they just _wait?_ - Cat and Andre start dating, and it's weird and it hurts Robbie.

They aren't gross and they don't make out up against the lockers like Beck and Jade / Beck and Alison do, but he feels a bright burst of embarrassment course through him when he sees them in the hall that morning. Cat's doodling on Andre's wrist and they're standing incredibly close together, melded, in their own little bubble, untouched by the rest of the students that are pushing past them.

It's as if he can't even look at them when they're together now. It makes him feels flushed and hot and he wants to vomit. It's kind of like when he eats dairy.

No, they aren't making out, or even kissing, but the way they're standing _just so_, Andre smiling down at her as she scribbles on him with her pen, just completely enveloped in each other's personal space and so completely fine with it – it...

It's this totally intimate thing that Robbie's always been a little fearful of. He's never interacted with anyone in such a way, never been able to. Has he ever really wanted to? He can't picture himself in Andre's place. He knows, with a sinking, hollow feeling, deep in his gut, that he'd have no idea what to do with Cat if he were in Andre's place.

It's just another reason why he, Robbie, is undesirable.

* * *

"Robbie, are you all right?" Tori asks him gently during their lunch period, her brow furrowed severely.

He lifts his head from where it's been parked on the table and looks at her blearily. "Why wouldn't I be?" he mumbles. He lifts his hand to his mouth and starts to chew on a hangnail on his index finger that's been bothering him. Jade glowers at him, but he pointedly ignores her.

Tori frowns. "You know – the Cat thing."

He frowns back speculatively. Is he so easy? "What Cat thing?"

Jade – surprise – rolls her eyes at him. "Come on, Shapiro, everyone knows you've got your chastity belt all cinched up for her." She really should be a _little_ nicer to him, he thinks. He did let her sleep in his bed four nights ago.

"_Jade!_" Tori whines highly. "Come on!"

"I – I totally don't have a chastity belt," Robbie mumbles, blushing.

"We all know how many times you asked her to Tori's stupid dance last year," Jade informs him bluntly.

"Hey!" Tori yelps out, as Robbie meekly asks, "You do?"

"Robbie, we're girls," Tori smiles apologetically. "We kinda tell each other all."

Robbie lets his head drop back onto the desk.

"Oh, Robbie!" Tori cries. "I think it's sweet."

"Yeah. _Saccharin,_" Jade interrupts.

It's so weird, how he can actually _feel_ Tori's disapproval at Jade. "It's _sweet,_" she says firmly. "And it, you know, it really sucks. I can't believe Andre didn't tell me he was going to ask Cat out!" He can hear the frown creeping back into her voice.

"_I can't believe Andre didn't tell me he was going to ask Cat out,_" Jade mocks in the special tone she uses to piss off Tori. "Why would he tell you that, dummy? Everyone knows Robbie likes Cat! Of course he's not going to tell you he's a backstabbing little Froot Loop."

"He didn't back-stab me," Robbie says to the table.

"Hmm," is all Jade says. The table vibrates a little as she stabs at her salad with great force.

"He_ kind of_ did," Tori says hesitantly. "I mean, Robbie, you're allowed to be upset. You can, you know, show emotion or something."

"Oh, Shapiro, actually opening up for a change?" Jade snits. "Fat chance."

It occurs to him that Jade has, somehow, come to know him disturbing well. He also realizes for the first time that Jade has totally known about Cat and Andre, maybe before even they themselves did. He remembers the sour-lemon face she'd made when they'd seen them together at Starbucks, all those months ago, when she'd been teaching Robbie how to drive. He feels a little stab of anger - at her, at himself, at Cat and Andre, at Starbucks for housing their dirty love affair.

"Just shut it, Jade," he mutters.

Tori and Jade are silent – Tori in shock, Jade probably in outrage.

"Cat already turned me down," Robbie says, still holding conversation with the table. "So she can go out with whoever she wants. And I never even told Andre about her. Maybe she asked him out. We don't know."

It's just … the thing that hurts him, the thing that pinches his heart right up in his throat, is – what was it Cat had said, all that time ago? _It's just that we're _friends,_ Robbie. _And Andre – Andre's definitely her friend. So it's not that at all, not friendship. It's just him. It's just him, Robbie, that she didn't want. And who would want Robbie, the weirdo, the puppet master, when they could have anyone, absolutely anyone else?

"Hmm," says Jade. Robbie finds the energy to peep up owlishly at her, and she arches a slender eyebrow at him before exchanging a glance with Tori that Robbie absolutely doesn't understand at all.

The rest of the period passes pretty quietly. Jade steals Tori's french fries and Tori lets her. The bell rings and then Tori's squawking and flying off, exclaiming something about getting her math homework back from Beck.

He can hear Jade moving about next to him, sliding off the bench and gathering her books. He himself doesn't make any movements to get up, nor to even pick his head up off the table.

Jade sighs heavily. "Are you, like, going to be all right?" she asks gruffly.

"Yes," he says to the table.

She sighs again, this time in exasperation. "Seriously, Shapiro. You're not going to, like, off yourself, or something, are you?"

He forces himself to look up at her. "I'm perfectly fine," he says blandly. "I'm just still tired from the weekend."

"Fine then," Jade says flatly. She shifts her weight from foot to foot, and adjusts her messenger bag on her shoulder. "I guess... well, I'll see you at your car."

"All right," he says, trying to make his voice sound anything but dull.

Jade sort of nods at him, then she's turning and walking away too. He watches her shoulders heft as she adjusts all the books she's carrying. He's left alone, as usual.

* * *

They all eat dinner at Nozu that night - they've pulled up two tables to fit everyone. Beck had called everyone together, since it's probably the last chance they'll all have to spend together before Christmas comes. Why he thought this would be a good idea, Robbie cannot say.

It's Cat and Andre across from each other at one end, with Jade beside Andre, taking up way too much space, and next to her, at the far end, slumps Robbie. Beck's across from him, which leaves tiny Alison, Beck's new girl, to sit across from Jade. Robbie notes how she keeps glancing warily at Jade, however the raven-haired girl seems completely unconcerned with her. Tori's squeezed in next to Alison and beside Cat. Tori's ducked low and wearing all black and one of Trina's visors and she keeps looking around everywhere for Mrs. Lee. She still hasn't gotten over the squid incident, it seems.

"Is there cheese on this?" Robbie frowns to Beck and/or Jade, peering at the menu, trying not to listen to laughter that's lilting up from the opposite end of the table. Cat. Jade is wearing roughly about two million choker necklaces, and he hears them jingling and clinking together as she leans over him. She smells good, he notes absently. Like expensive girl soap.

"I don't know," Jade muses, and Beck adds, "Order it and find out."

Robbie sighs defeatedly, saying, "We'll all find out when I blow up like a puffer-fish," and Jade and Beck exchange a smirk. If it was a sitcom Beck would waggle his finger and say, "_That's Robbie!_" and the laugh track would go off. Robbie scowls at them.

Alison pulls the menu from Robbie's fingers. "It's got goat cheese in it," she squeaks at him. Aside from her bike-whistle voice, he's decided that she's really cute and nice, a little shy, not someone Robbie would expect Beck to be with. Since, well, the last person he dated, for two years, was Jade.

"Oh. Thanks, Alison," he says. "I wonder if I can eat that." He turns to Jade. "Can I eat that?" he asks her.

Jade does her automated eyeroll. "Yes, you can eat that," she tells him. Beck gives them a weird look. He's been trying to talk to Robbie all day, but Robbie's been avoiding him, sticking close to Jade. "It probably won't taste very good. I hope you get it and it doesn't taste very good." Robbie frowns at her, then continues inspecting the menu.

"Should I try the calamari rolls?" Cat asks the table.

Tori jumps up, absolutely green. "_I'mgoingtothebathroom,_" she announces. Cat, Beck, Andre, and Alison raise their eyebrows. Jade smiles.

Andre gets up to get another soda for Cat.

"Thank you, brownie bear!" Cat beams at him.

Next to him, Jade makes a strangled, high-pitched noise into her own soda. Robbie looks down at the table in misery. When he picks his head up, Beck's trying to catch his eye. His own face is pulled in wide-eyed horror.

"_Brownie. Bear,_" he mouths exaggeratedly across the table, and Robbie can't help but crack a smile.

The waitress comes to take their orders. Robbie gets his goat cheese entree. Jade, Beck, and Alison split a huge sushi platter. He doesn't know what Andre and Cat order. Tori's still hiding in the bathroom, he guesses.

The meal goes on. Tori eventually slinks back, her head cast down. She's missed ordering. "Nothing for me!" she squeaks when the waitress comes back. She picks at Robbie's meal (the filleted salmon and goat cheese combo actually isn't that bad) and steals a piece of sushi from Beck. Across the table, Cat laughs loudly at something Andre's said. Robbie sinks lower in his chair. Beck looks at him sympathetically.

Beck and Cat order dessert, two huge sundaes. Beck rubs his hands together in anticipation when they see the waitress approaching with them. Alison catches Robbie's glance and rolls her eyes at him. He forces another weak smile at her.

Cat and Andre are sharing Cat's ice cream. Cat holds the maraschino cherry out to him, giggling uncontrollably when he takes it with his mouth. Robie wants to die. He didn't think he could sink any lower in his chair, but apparently he can.

Jade abruptly stands up, knocking him with her elbow.

"I'm outta here," she announces flatly. She moves quickly and leaves her purse behind.

Everyone looks around in confusion. Tori makes to stand up, but Beck leans over Alison to grab her arm. She's probably not the best person to go after Jade, his eyes say.

"What's wrong with Jade?" Cat demands. She stands up, and Andre makes to follow.

"Probably shouldn't do ..." Beck starts, but they already leaving.

They slip out of their chairs and head to the Nozu exit. Robbie quickly follows them. What _is_ up with Jade?

Cat reaches her first, right outside of the front doors. "Jade, what's wrong?" she asks, trying to touch the other girl's arm. Robbie's closest behind her, somehow in front of Andre, so he hears what she asks next, even though she's lowered her voice: "Are you upset because Beck brought a date?"

Jade laughs derisively.

"You are," she drawls, her eyes in narrow slits as she looks at Cat, "such a class act."

Cat bits her lip and he sees her face crinkle in confusion. "What do you mean, Jade?"

"God, you idiot!" Jade says. "Did your hair dye seep into your brain? Or do you just act like a moron for fun?"

"Hey, now..." Andre starts, stepping in front of Robbie, but Jade shuts him up with a single murderous glance.

"Shut up, Harris," she snaps. "You're not too good in my book right now either." Andre frowns speculatively.

Jade turns back to Cat. "So, which is it? Are you actually stupid, or just pretending?"

"I don't... I don't know what you mean," Cat says hesitantly.

"You think you can just treat everyone however you want," Jade informs her. It's a little rich, hearing those words come from Jade, of all people. "You act all mad at Shapiro then you run away to Harris. You can't even say it to his face? You must like keeping him on a leash. Back and forth. What, you think he's your backup or something? We fucking talked about this already. Then we all have to sit and watch you and Harris fucking smooch all over each other. It's pathetic. Then you think I want to pick up the phone and hear about your shitty goddamn dates?"

Cat's frowning. Her brown eyes are over-bright with unspilled tears. "I don't think … "

"Yeah, you don't think," snaps Jade. "You're such a bimbo. You've got a million guys and you pick one in our little group. I can't see how you didn't do it on purpose."

"Do what on purpose?" Cat cries, her eyes spill over. Tears, darkened with her mascara, start rolling at an alarming pace down her cheeks.

"Did you fucking hear anything I said?" Jade snaps. "Why don't you go home, listen to some Disney tunes, and think it over." She whirls away from them and starts down the parking lot.

The three are quiet for a moment; the only sound is Cat's soft sniffling. Robbie's head is spinning. He's bright red with embarrassment. He can't believe all Jade's said.

"Look, man..." Andre says slowly. "For what it's worth – I'm really sorry. I think I should take Cat home now though. I'll call you later ... ?"

"Yeah, sure," Robbie says dismissively. "Cat, I don't - " but she interrupts him with a tearful wail. Andre puts his hand on the small of her back and leads her out the doorway.

Robbie's left alone again. He looks back into Nozu. He can't see the table that they've been sitting at from here. He opens the door quickly, slipping out into the night air. He scans the parking lot. Cat and Andre are already at Cat's car. Andre's leaning over her into the passenger seat, saying something to her with an intense expression.

He steps out deeper into the parking lot. He sees Jade at the end of the lot. She's leaning against a car – not his. Her arms are crossed. He hurries across the asphalt, sparing a quick glance at Cat's car as he hears Andre start the engine.

He reaches Jade in a few more seconds. She raises her eyebrows expectantly.

"Why did you say all that stuff to her?" he cries breathlessly.

Jade glares at him. The area of the parking lot they're in is dim, the only light near them is that of her lit cigarette. "Well, you certainly weren't going to."

"It... it's not your business!" he snaps. "I'm not a baby. I don't need you sticking up for me."

"Oh, trust me, I'm not," she says witheringly.

"Then what are you doing?" he demands. "Treating Cat like crap? She's, like, your only friend. You want to run her away too?"

"You should watch it, Shapiro," she growls.

"You watch it!" he yelps. "That was really horrible, Jade! You're horrible! Why are you so _mean_ to everyone?"

"Because people _suck,_" she hisses at him. Her sudden spike of emotion draws him back a step. "Why are you acting like _I'm_ the asshole? Cat and Andre don't give two shits about your feelings! They're skipping around holding hands and you can't say a goddamn thing to them! Excuse me for caring on your behalf. Just yell at me instead, Shapiro. Whatever."

"That's you _caring?_" Robbie asks in disbelief. "Cat was _crying!_ And, and you certainly didn't help me any! God, no wonder Beck broke up with you."

He knows it's a mistake before the words even leave his lips, but he can't stop himself from saying them. The silence that hangs in the air after he's spoken is paralyzing, like tar.

Jade just stares at him murderously.

"You're even stupider that I thought," she says finally. She throws her cigarette down and stamps it out. "I'm out of here."

"Jade, wait," he tries to say, immediately contrite, but she doesn't turn around. She's walking at a fast pace out of the parking lot. "How are you going to get home?"

"Don't you worry about me," she snaps over her shoulder. "Don't follow me either."

Robbie doesn't know what to do. Already he feels the overwhelming guilt crushing him. He doesn't know where to go – after Jade? To Cat's? He watches Jade leave the lot and round the corner. He feels defeated. He feels like a jerk.

A cold jerk, at that. He's left his sweatshirt inside Nozu. He bounces from foot to foot, then decides it's fruitless to go after Jade right now. He turns and heads back to the building.

Tori, Beck, and Alison meet him at the door. Tori's holding his sweatshirt and also Jade's purse.

"Where's Jade?" Beck asks.

"We...sort of argued," he admits.

Beck glances back at Alison and Tori. "Can you guys go on to the car?" he asks them. They nod silently. Tori presses his sweatshirt and Jade's purse into Robbie's hands, giving him a sympathetic look. She mouths, _call me later._ He nods absently, then turns back to Beck.

Beck watches the girls for a few seconds, until they're out of earshot.

"Listen, man," he says slowly.

Robbie cringes, waiting for a lecture.

"I really don't know what's going on with Cat and Andre," Beck tells him. "I think it's pretty fucked. Jade told me, at Tori's party? That she thought something was up with them. She wanted me to try and tell you."

Oh. That's what they had been whispering about. Everyone's known, except for him. Well, and Tori, he supposes. Unless she's a liar too.

"It's not a big deal," Robbie says.

Beck just looks at him.

"I mean, it's whatever," Robbie says.

Beck sighs. "Look, Jade is … well, Jade is kind of a bitch. But I guess you guys have gotten to be friends, or something. That's what she says. She was probably, in her weird way, trying to help. I heard her yelling at Cat. I think all of the county heard. She just doesn't know how to go about it."

Robbie frowns. It's weird, hearing Beck talk about Jade almost nicely.

Beck continues: "So, like, look... don't be too mad at her, okay? I talked to Andre too. Just didn't scream at him. He didn't know you liked Cat, although I have no clue how. I thought ... at the party ... that he got it, but I guess not. You never really tell us anything, Rob, but we kind of ... you know. We get it."

What do they get? And what did they say to Andre? Had Cat heard? This is all very embarrassing. He doesn't really know how to respond to much of what Beck's said. Robbie mumbles, "I was really mean to her. Jade, that is."

Beck snorts and shrugs a little. "I'm sure she can take it."

"I don't know," Robbie frowns. "I told her it's no wonder you broke up with her."

Beck's mouth makes a little 'o' of surprise. "Well," he says hesitantly. "Yeah, there's that."

Robbie sighs with frustration. This whole night – this whole day – has been one big disaster.

Beck claps him on the shoulder again. It's his patented consoling gesture. "Look, she'll get over it," he says soothingly. "Everyone will. It's just... you know." He sort of shrugs again. "Are you going to be all right?"

"Of course," he mutters. "I just – I don't know. Andre said he's going to call me. What's he going to say? And that's if Jade doesn't kill me before he calls."

Beck smiles sympathetically. "She won't kill you. You act ... well, I think she hates you a lot less than you think, Rob."

Robbie feels awkward. He doesn't really know what else to say to Beck. He wants to go home. He wants to go apologize to Jade. He wants to – well, sort of punch Andre, but that isn't really fair.

Beck seems to sense Robbie's weariness. "Well," he says. He looks to his car, which Tori and Alison are leaning on. "I should probably go … I have to give Tori a ride home. And Alison's dad is really strict. She needs to be home by ten, even though tomorrow's a half-day at school."

"Okay, man," Robbie says weakly.

Beck hesitates for another moment. He gives Robbie a small, sad smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, dude. Text me later?"

"Sure."

Beck leaves.

Robbie stands in the parking lot for a while, holding his jacket and Jade's gigantic black-and-pink purse. Eventually he walks to his car and unlocks it. He knows where he has to go.

**Author's Note: Whew! I wrote this chapter in sort of a rush. Didn't want to leave you guys hanging after the last one. Cat and Andre won't be horrible for much longer. Hey, it's high school. I'm upping the rating to an M, for all of Jade's swearing. **

**Hope you enjoy! :)**


	12. Chapter 12

He doesn't head over to Jade's right away.

He takes his time, driving around the neighborhood for a while. There are kids and teenagers milling about on Main Street and after as he edges down the road, laughing and talking and smoking and shining. They're happy. They don't see him.

He figures it's best to give Jade a little bit of time to cool off. And to, well, get home. She doesn't even have any bus money, he thinks, since her purse is sort of residing on his passenger seat. He drives down some of the streets he thinks she may being walking on, but he doesn't see her.

He parks at the back of the Starbucks lot for a long while. He texts his sister, who's over at this little weasel Karl Shuberg's again. Why can't Jess be paired in math with a boy who's less, you know, attractive, and sport...ish? Then Robbie wouldn't have to worry so much. Well, at least his name's still _Karl. _Tori texts him a frowny face, and he sends one back.

Andre doesn't call. He thinks about Cat, but he doesn't send her a message. He doesn't send one to Beck, either. He's not sure what to say yet to either of them.

A tall, slender woman answers the door at Jade's house. Robbie can only infer that this is Jade's stepmother – she's far too well-dressed to be a maid.

The woman waves him in. She's very pretty, with long deep brown hair piled atop her head and thick brows. She looks young, maybe in her thirties. Her complexion is dark. "Come in, come in," she says. She isn't smiling, exactly, but she doesn't look too put-out to see a teenaged boy on her doorstep at close to ten at night. The accent she's sporting is heavy and indeterminable. Not Russian. Armenian? Turkish? "You are – not the boyfriend. Bob? Bobby?"

"Er, yeah. Robbie." His voice cracks and he flushes a bit. _You are - not the boyfriend. _Does she know that Jade and Beck had broken up months ago? "I'm – is Jade here? Is she home?"

The woman – had Jade once called her Sophia? – gestures upstairs. "She is in her room. Playing her loud music! _Bikini Kill._'What is this?' I ask. 'Get out,' she says."

He nods awkwardly, unsure of what to say.

"You can go upstairs and see her," Maybe-Sophia tells him. She adds, wryly- maybe, he can't quite tell with the accent – "Good luck."

She doesn't bother to watch Robbie go up the stairs. He rounds the banister and heads down the dim hallway. The light is on under Jade's door, and he can hear angry girl music filtering through. He wonders, a bit sadly, if he's caused this.

Timidly, he knocks. A moment later, the music stops, but there is no response otherwise.

He raps on the door again. "Jade?" he squeaks, then clears his throat. "It's me. Uh. It's Robbie."

Silence.

"Can I come in?" he asks.

There's a lengthy pause, and he's just opened his mouth to speak when he hears Jade's voice, somewhat muffled through the door: "If you must."

Slowly, cautiously, he turns the knob and pushes into her room. Jade's sitting on her bed. Her comforter is dark purple and black and rumpled on her bed. There's blue and orange construction paper all over her floor, and she's pulling away absently at an electric-teal guitar. It's not plugged into an amp.

"Hi," he says unnecessarily.

She doesn't look at him. Instead she plucks a few muted chords.

"I already apologized to Cat," she says briskly to the guitar. "I gave her a cupcake. She clapped. She's fine. So. You can go."

"That's – uh, not why I'm here," he blurts out.

Jade raises her eyebrows but still doesn't look up at him.

"I, uh – I brought your purse." He waves the heavy item. She lifts the corner of her mouth dismissively. Carefully, he sets it down on the floor.

"Jade, I'm really sorry," he says in a rush. "I didn't – I didn't mean those things I said. I'm a really …. really cr... really_ shitty_ friend."

Jade just shrugs impassively. She doesn't even seem awestruck that he's just used a swear-word for her! "Not that shitty. I mean, everything you said was true, wasn't it? I am horrible. I -"

"No you aren't!" Robbie cries.

Boldly, he sits on the bed next to her. She doesn't shove him off. In fact, she actually shifts over slightly, giving him more room. "Look, I just – I'm really sorry. You aren't horrible! I mean if you were actually horrible I'd probably be dead right now, right? Rasputin was horrible. The Terminator from the first movie was horrible. I'm so sorry for what I said about Beck. I never should have said those things! I don't know your life -"

"Robbie, _chill,_" Jade interrupts him. "You're talking too fast. You're going to short-circuit, you stupid robot."

"I'm sorry. I know you hate me - "

"You're such a drama queen." She cuts him off wryly. She looks pained, and says, "Look, I don't _hate_ you. I mean, yeah, I hate everyone. But you take it all, like, _personal._"

Robbie just stares at her. He isn't sure if he should chuckle or if he should pout. "I mean, shouldn't I?"

Jade purses her lips. "I think ... you give me too much credit, Shapiro. You, like – you think I act so terrible on purpose. To bug you." She shrugs. "Maybe I just am that nasty. It doesn't bother me. I've... I've always been this way. I push everyone away. Just like you do."

"I do not!" he says indignantly.

"Sure you do," Jade says. She rolls her eyes. "Maybe it's easier for you because you're such a weirdo. No one questions you as much. Hell, Beck didn't even know you had a sister until, like, practically a year after we all met."

Robbie's trying not to feel defensive, but he can't help it. "So what?" he asks.

She shrugs again. "So nothing."

Robbie sighs.

"Well, I don't mean to do it," he says eventually.

"Yeah, yeah, you have self esteem issues. We can tell."

He glares at her. She smirks.

"So am I forgiven?" he asks her timidly. She peeps at him from across the bed. She shakes her head and laughs.

"Yeah, whatever," she says. "That's so cute – did you think I was crying up here and cutting myself?"

"_No!_" he says, aghast. "Jade, that isn't funny!"

She laughs at him again. "Do you think anything's funny, Geppeto?"

"Of course I do," he tells her, affronted. "I'm pretty sure you have some soy milk on your sweatshirt that's a result of that." He remembers Cat and Andre, and suddenly groans. "Oh, God. I don't know what I'm going to say to anyone."

He can feel Jade looking at him. Then she says, "I'll make a deal with you."

Robbie glances at her and then away, picking at an unraveling thread on her blanket. "What sort of deal?"

Jade smacks his hand away from her comforter. "Are you going to re-stitch that?" she inquires. "Then don't touch it."

He holds his hands up in a little surrender and looks at her.

She groans. "Why do I do this to myself?" she questions the ceiling. Then she looks back at Robbie, and tries not to scowl. It doesn't exactly work. "Just talk," she bites out.

"Uh – what?"

Jade grits her teeth. It's an awful sound. One of the residents in Dad's home has always done it. It's one of Robbie's few pet peeves. Doesn't Jade worry about her teeth? She's going to end up like Mrs Savidge.

"Just talk, Shapiro," she sighs. "Forget about Cat for a minute. You know she's not really your big problem. Look – you tell me something about you … tell me what you do on the weekends that's such a big secret! I won't tell anyone. Who do I have to tell?"

"Why do you want to know?" he asks, genuinely curious.

Jade glares at him for a long minute. "Well," she drawls. "Apparently I'm your _friend_. And friends are, like, supposed to talk and whatnot. You never do. You never say anything important. So why don't you tell me something?"

He says important things all the time! Just this morning he'd brought in a packet to school that he'd printed out about how bad smoking is for you. He'd lectured her until she slammed her locker shut on his foot. But he supposes that isn't really what she's meant.

"Fine," he says.

He thinks for a long moment. He thinks of all the things – the things he's always thinking about, but he never says to his friends. And they are his friends. Jade is his friend. He does know that, even though it's a strange and scary thought.

"My dad's in a nursing home," he tells her. It's the first time he thinks he's ever spoken the words.

Jade's brows shoot up, but the rest of her expression is indeterminable. "No shit?" she asks. "I mean, what for?"

"He..." Robbie rubs the back of his neck with a hand. "He has Alzheimer's. That's the disease, you know, where you can't remember anything." It's not an entirely accurate description, but it's all he can manage to force out.

"Wow," Jade says quietly. She says slowly, "Isn't that for, like, old people, though?"

Robbie shrugs. "Yeah, mostly. Anyone can get it, though. Like, over the age of thirty? Mostly. It's really rare. It's … he started getting bad when I was in middle school. Like, twelve or something?"

"Wow," Jade says again.

"Yeah..." Robbie says slowly. "One day, he just, like, forgot where he was driving to. Sometimes it's really bad and sometimes it's not. We had him at home for a while, and then my mom moved him. So, I go to see him a lot. It's – he's – he wasn't too bad at first. Last year started getting, um, worse. Now he doesn't really remember me at all. He thinks I'm, like, supposed to be eight years old. Sometimes he can remember how to eat, and stuff."

Jade just looks at him, and she has a frown on her face. Just a frown, not a scowl or a sneer. She waits for him to continue. Robbie wasn't aware he had anything else to say, but apparently he does.

"So, that's what I do on the weekends, and where I go after school, like, when I'm not with you or with Beck.

"It, like, really sucks. I was – uh – I mean, I was really close to him, I guess. But now, he doesn't know who I am? But I have to do it, go see him. I have to. I mean, I remember everything, even if he doesn't. And it's like, he's not dead, so I can't, like, feel sad about it. Or miss him? But I do. And my mom is – well, you met her that one time. She's like … that."

"Does … Beck know about this? Or Andre?"

"No – no one does. Just you, now. No one … really asks. I mean. And I don't talk about it. It's, like, I don't know. Embarrassing?"

"Well … that really sucks, Robbie," she says quietly. "I didn't know that about you."

"Yeah." He shrugs again. His whole body feels hot. He can feel himself shaking, and he's glad Jade doesn't mention it. "This feels weird," he says.

"Talking?" Jade snorts. Then she says, "Yeah, I know."

They don't speak for a few minutes. Jade looks contemplative. Robbie studies her room. It's sort of bare, like his own, which is surprising. He's only been in here a few times, and it always sort of shocks him that Jade appears to live in the eye of the tornado – well, aside from the construction paper snippets all over the floor currently. The rest of her house is kind of, you know, a disaster.

Her walls are painted a deep purple with black trim and a white swirling pattern on the ceiling. She has a big bookshelf crammed with novels and a few more books stacked on her desk. Her clothes are all put away neatly. There are a few posters of the strange bands she likes on her closet door, but that's it. She doesn't even have any stuffed animals, really. He picks up a raggedy bear that's been staring at him from the corner of the bed.

Jade snatches it away from him, sending him a half-hearted glare. She holds the bear for a moment by the neck, then sets it gently back in place. Then she resumes looking at her knees. "You shouldn't feel embarrassed," she tells him.

He looks up sharply.

She shrugs. "It's not embarrassing. And it's not like you caused it, or your dad caused it."

"I guess so," he says doubtfully. He doesn't want to speak of his father any longer. "Um … now you."

She frown at him. "Me what?" she says.

"Tell me … I don't know. Tell me something." He laughs a little. "This is _really_ weird."

"Yeah, it is." He can't look directly at her, not yet, but he thinks she smiles a little. She sighs. "This isn't part of the deal."

"It's an unfinished deal," he tells her. "You tell me to talk, but you don't say anything? That's not really fair."

"Life isn't fair," she tells him absently. Then she sighs again. "I don't know … what you want to know."

"Where is your mother, Jade?" he blurts out. He blushes deeply when she looks at him sharply. "Just … you talk about her sometimes, but then not. I just wondered … I mean, never mind."

Jade chews on her lip, watching her knees again. "You want to know about my mom?" she asks in a weird, high voice.

He nods.

She scowls. She picks at another string on her guitar. "Did you know Courtney Love plays a Fender?" she asks him. Of course she does. "That's what this is." Of course it is.

"Oh," he says awkwardly.

Jade sighs, again. The trials and tribulations of having Robbie Shapiro in your bedroom. "Okay. Fine. I'm, like, really trusting you here, Shapiro. Okay?"

He nods again.

"My mom's a junkie," she says.

Robbie stares.

Jade makes her sour face at him. She continues: "She really likes coke. Sometimes meth. I don't know where she is anymore."

"I'm sorry," he says uncertainly.

"Whatever," she shrugs. "I... I lived with her, until I was eight or something. She and my Dad broke up before I was born. I think they met at his college or something. Graduate school."

He waits, and eventually she continues in a rush: "We lived in a lot of places. She's a hairdresser, or was I guess. She hurt her arm somehow so she got disability from the state. We used to eat noodles every night. She _really loved_ me."

"I'm sure she did," he tries to say, but Jade barrels on. "One night we stood on our roof and threw water balloons at people. She used to steal barrettes for me from the super market. She did crazy shit a lot, but she liked to spend time with me."

That's more than he can say of his own mother.

"She always had these guys with her – her _dealers,_ I guess. They used to do their shit … right in front of me. I hated it. And it smelled awful. Do you know what angel dust smells like?"

He shakes his head.

"Well, it smells like shit." For some inexplicable reason, she smiles. It's a hard smile, a Jade smile. When she puts on this face, he's reminded of a shark. Cold and mindless. Bottomless.

Then her expression fades. Her face looks oddly ... open. She chews on her bottom lip for a moment, then continues speaking. "Sometimes I'd come home from the neighbors' house and they'd, like, be taking all the furniture apart. It makes you paranoid, I guess, some of the shit. They'd think there were bugs in the house. I don't know if they meant, like, wires, or if they meant, you know, spiders and shit. I just remember how scary that was. I don't know why.

"She got busted a couple times. The last time she did, I was in a, like, a group home for a while. These girls - " she makes a horrible face - "they all put gum in my hair one night. I had to get it all cut off."

Robbie's horrified. He remembers her mentioning a shaved head. He's just thought it meant that, even as a preteen, Jade was a little bad-ass.

She continues: "Fucking bitches, right. Eventually someone found my dad and he took me to come and live with him. Jeff was, like, not even born yet." Jefferson is her little brother. He's her half-brother. "I don't think Dad really wanted to take me. Sophia made him. Sometimes I hate her for that."

They don't say anything for a moment. Jade shoves her guitar away and stretches her toes. She nudges the construction paper on the floor with her foot.

"My mom – like, she never had a lot of money. We used to buy paper and scissors from the dollar store. We'd just cut up the paper in all these weird designs and I'd play with them. I didn't really have any other toys. Just my bear." She nods to the dirty-looking Care Bear beside them that Robbie had touched earlier. He picks it up again and holds it. He waits for Jade to snatch it away from him once more, but she just sits there, her feet still pointed in the construction paper. Her toes are painted bright pink now.

The bear is missing its plastic eyes. It's got buttons sewn in place instead. It's sort of lumpy and misshapen, like it's been washed a lot. It might have been a peachy color at one point. It's got a little heart-shaped locket on its belly. He's going to have to ask Jess which it is later.

"Do you ever get to see her?" Robbie asks quietly.

Jade shrugs. She's standing now, moving to place her guitar back on its stand by her closet. She kneels down and starts to gather the cut-up papers that are on the floor. Robbie sets the ratty bear back in its place and slides down to help her.

"Not really," Jade says. "I … I wrote her a letter when I got accepted to Hollywood Arts. She never responded. I guess she's forgot about me too."

Robbie feels a deep pang of sadness, one that ricochets throughout his whole body. "I'm sorry," he says, and it aches.

She rolls her eyes. "I forgive you," she says dryly. "Look – I don't really know what's wrong with me tonight. I ate a lot of lasagna when I got back here. It took me years to tell Beck all this shit." She looks up momentarily and glares. "So don't, like, go around blabbing."

"Of course not!" he squeaks. "Jade, I would never tell – like, not that it's bad. But it's not my stuff to tell. I wo-"

"Look, I've known a lot of people," she interrupts him suddenly. She leans over and takes the papers he's gathered from his hands. "You're, like, not that shitty of a person. Even though you're so annoying. And you always, like – _try_... I can see you try. So I guess, sometimes it pisses me off, when I see people walk all over you. Because they'd walk all over me, if I let them. So I don't."

Robbie doesn't know what to say.

"So, that's why I snapped at Cat," she tells him pointedly. "Because you wanted her so much, and she doesn't care."

"It's not … really her fault," he mutters.

Jade rolls her eyes, but Robbie gets at this point that it's just something she does. "Yeah, I know. You should have tried harder, right? But it still sucks, don't it?"

"Yeah," he admits. "Yeah, it does."

She smiles at him then, sadly, and he thinks about how alike they are, how they can be, and he thinks about how her words can be applied to herself, as well. _Maybe I am that nasty. I've always been this way. _Robbie's always been the way he has been, too. He wonders if Jade thinks she should have tried harder with Beck.

"I'm, like … really sorry about your mom," he tells her awkwardly. "I'm really sure she loves you a lot. I don't know if my mom does. She's so – closed off. I feel like I'm like her, but not really the same at all. I used to … I used to just wonder, like all the time, what made me so different. I wondered how I could change. But I guess I can't."

"Yeah," Jade says, very quietly. "Me either." Then says says, a bit stronger, "I'm sorry about your dad, too. I didn't think you had problems like that. I just thought you, like murdered small animals or something."

He stares at her with his mouth open.

Jade laughs. "So attractive, Robot." She tilts her head. "I won't tell anyone either. But you should talk about it more. You can't just, like, keep telling your problems to all those old people who won't remember."

He nods. He knows this.

"I feel like we should be on the Maury show or some shit," she mutters, and Robbie laughs. "Can we please stop talking about feelings now?"

"Yes, please," he says, grateful, laughing too.

"Great," she says. She looks at the clock. It's after eleven – closer to midnight, honestly. "Do you want to, like, hang out or something? My dad just got some new DVDs downstairs. We can check them out."

"Sure," he says, even though he should have been home hours ago. Well, Mom is supposed to be home, and he trusts that Jess actually came home at ten and isn't hanging out with that loser Karl. He feels a little shell-shocked. Hanging out with Jade West, on a school night, and they aren't even studying. He wonders what sort of parallel universe he's tripped into.

Jade throws the rest of her papers into her trash bin. He follows her downstairs – her stepmother must be in bed now. He wonders if her father is home. Is he ever? Jade shushes him when they pass her brother's room, even though Robbie hasn't been speaking.

Jade's living room is all done up in gray, with black leather furniture. There's three huge bookcases along the wall, crammed with DVDs. The room is sort of neat, aside from a few scattered toys. They putter about. He steps on some Legos and tries not to yelp too much.

Robbie laughs when he sees they have, like, every Scooby-Doo movie ever. Jade scowls at him.

He waves the _Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby-Doo_ at her. "Isn't Vincent Price in this?"

She laughs a little, surprised. "Um... yeah. Yeah. Vincent Van Ghoul. My dad knows I like this shit. We may not hold conversations, but he buys me freaking cartoons. Do you want to watch it?"

He does. They grab some water bottles from the kitchen and settle back in Jade's room. She even lets him sit on the bed. They watch Scooby-Doo until the light is peeking through her dark curtains.

Jade goes to brush her teeth, murmuring that it's nearly seven. Robbie can't wait to hear what Beck says about him showing up to school in the same clothes as yesterday. He's wearing his Jersey Boys Get It Done t-shirt.

"So, should we tell everyone we fucked?" Jade asks, coming back into the room. Her foamy toothbrush is held in her hand. Robbie gawps at her. She laughs.

"Do you think they'd think that?" he squeaks.

Jade laughs again derisively. "Yeah, no."

He drives them to school. Jade brushes her hair in the car. Robbie stops at a gas station and peruses the breakfast items while Jade unsuccessfully tries to buy a pack of cigarettes.

"Five more months," she sighs.

He ends up buying a box of Fat Cakes. They share them on the interstate.

Jess texts him, _Secret Bear, dummy._

**Author's Note: I've edited this chapter a few times, but I'm still sort of unhappy with it. I'm putting it up anyway, though … the story must go on. I also made edits to Chapters 10 and 11. I added a few more details and fixed some mistakes.**

**Cenobite829: Thank you for catching my Jess/Jade error! I hate when I do that. And what an awkward mistake to make, haha. I generally can't bear to read any of my stuff once I post it, because I don't really like my writing style. So, I apologize for any errors throughout the whole fic. Eventually I'll go back and re-edit the whole thing.**

**MaybeWolf – haha, Tori is kind of a spaz in this story, isn't she? I like writing Tori, and want to give her scenes with Robbie, even though she's not the love interest in this one. I guess it's because Robbie is the straight-man in this fic. If he wasn't, I'm sure the zany one would be him. I'm glad you still like this story. :) Oh, and I had something to say about Sikowitz, but I can't remember. Um, yeah, WRITING this story is sort of like crack. **

**EmD23: I'm glad you didn't mind the way I handled Cat/Andre. I feel bad because I haven't really developed Andre very much at all. When I first thought of this story, everything was COMPLETELY different - the focus was way more on Robbie and hardly included the other characters. Robbie and Cat and Andre will sort of resolve everything eventually. Also, your Digimon icon and that you like FMA makes me very happy.**

**ZenNoMai: lol, your reviews crack me up and make me grin. "Go to Jade!" Am I so easy? Yes, yes I am.**

**Thanks for reading, everyone! **


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

School lets out on Wednesday and they'll all have two weeks off once they get through this day.

Beck stares at him with his mouth open when Jade and Robbie walk into Improv that morning. He sends Robbie a bunch of increasingly meaningful and intense looks as Sikowitz yells about method acting and waves around a tangerine.

Sikowitz pauses and glares at Beck. "Mr. Oliver, do you need to use the restroom?"

"No," Beck says sullenly. He leans back in his chair.

Andre is absent. Robbie vaguely remembers him talking about a church trip with his grandmother for the holidays. He also vaguely remembers Andre eating a cherry out of Cat's hand.

He isn't very bothered by Andre's absence.

When the bell rings and class lets out, Beck waits in the hallway and drags Robbie back in the room.

"What happened last night?" he demands. He doesn't look upset. In fact, he looks wildly interested.

Robbie shrugs. "Well, I apologized to Jade," he says slowly. "Then we watched Scooby-Doo all night."

Beck gawps at him.

Robbie envisions Beck's open mouth catching a fly.

"Jade … watched … _cartoons?_" he manages.

"Jade loves cartoons," Robbie tells him. Beck should know this!

Robbie also suspects Jade loves Little House on the Prairie, but he doesn't share this small nugget of information.

Beck furrows his brow. "No she doesn't!" he says incredulously. "Jade hates everything family-oriented! Did you know that she broke my TV when I made her watch Full House? It was a Very Special Episode." Beck makes his tone go up a few notches. " _'I walked into a door … a door named Dad.'_ "

Robbie chokes with laughter. "That sounds terrible," he manages.

Beck looks affronted. "Full House is a great show," he informs Robbie. "Why do you think I wear my hair like this? Uncle Jesse, duh!"

You learn something new every day. Today's lesson is that apparently Beck's idol is John Stamos. Robbie decides that he must still be trapped in the alternate dimension, where Jade likes cartoons and Care Bears and Beck watches 90s sitcoms and loves Greek men.

Cat meets up with him two periods later as he's coming out of Bio Lab. She's frowning a little. "Robbie? Can we talk?"

"Umm ... sure," he manages. He'd been hoping to avoid this moment for, oh, the rest of his life.

She falls into step beside him. Her heels click loudly upon the floor. He often wonders how she manages to stay upright. Robbie glances over at her. She's frowning thoughtfully, her head cast down a bit.

"Robbie … You know ... I'm really sorry about me and Andre," she tells him. Robbie blushes. They've reached his locker and are at a standstill. He can't speak.

Cat fiddles nervously with a strand of her hair. "Jade says … well, Robbie, I'm just sorry. I sort of … " she laughs a bit, but cuts off shortly. "I sort of forgot you had asked me out."

Robbie stares. He'd asked her to Prom(e)_ a dozen times_. And she _forgot?_

"Oh," he says simply.

She pushes her hair back from her face and looks up at him. "It's nothing against you. And Andre and I aren't even serious. We're just, you know, having fun, I guess."

She's dating Andre and they're just having fun. She isn't serious about Andre.

A stone settles in Robbie's gut.

Somehow, this seems even worse than the idea that she and Andre are wildly young and in love. They hold hands in the hallways and giggle and kiss and she feeds him exotic fruits, and it isn't even a big deal to them. If she isn't serious about Andre, he can only imagine how not-serious she is about Robbie, how not-serious she's always been. He isn't even a blip on her radar. He's not even written in on her charts. He's never factored in at all, not really.

"That's cool," he tells her lightly. His mind is whirling.

She frowns at him again. "But it was bad of me. Beck told us, at the party this weekend? That we were being jerks! I didn't understand what he meant! I mean, you seem fine right now."

Fine. He's fine. He's completely, utterly, totally fine. He's fantastic. He's wonderful. He's a shining beacon of joy!

"But at dinner, after Jade yelled at me? Well I thought for a long time before she stopped over." Jade only lives right down the street from Cat. "I listened to the Tarzan soundtrack! It wasn't very good of me, to have acted the way I did with Andre, right at the restaurant! I wasn't thinking about you. I'm a terrible friend, and you'll _never forgive me!_"

Tears spring to her eyes.

He hasn't even spoken, but he feels bad. He can never stay upset with Cat too long, even when he falls asleep in Improv and she paints his fingers with purple nail polish.

"You're not a terrible friend," he tells her firmly. She's not. How can she be? He's just a shadow.

Cat sniffles and wipes her eyes. "You really are my favorite friend, Robbie. I do remember saying that. I meant that. I don't want to hurt your feelings. I just never thought of you as anything else."

"It's okay," he says, even though it's not, not really. "You can't help how you feel. Anyway, Prome was a long time ago. I'm basically over it, really."

He's not, but she doesn't need to know that.

"So you're still my friend?" she asks, pouting, her voice going high up at the end.

"Of course I am," he says. "We'll always be friends."

She does a complete one-eighty, actually twirling a bit and beaming at him. "You're so great, Robbie," she tells him. She hugs him tightly. He wishes she wouldn't.

* * *

Jade sidles up to him in Lit Media. She's wearing a long dark dress with blue lace on the bodice. Her hair is pulled away from her face – he's pretty sure the dark blue flower clip holding back her bangs belongs to his sister. When did they start trading hair products?

"Beck will not leave me alone," she informs him gruffly. "He keeps yelling about Full House! I don't know what the hell his deal is. He's always been way too into that guy that drives the motorcycle."

Robbie laughs for a long time. Jade gives him a sidelong glance and smirks. Phoebe looks at them with concern from her desk. She quickly starts her lecture.

He and Jade stand together at the end of class. Jade angrily bats the low-hanging Nose Mobile out of her way as they push up to their teacher's desk. She deposits her binder right on top of Phoebe's lesson-plan book.

Phoebe frowns a little at their screenplay. "You know, you have until after break to perfect it," she tells them.

"Um, yeah, it's pretty much awesome," Jade shorts derisively. Robbie doesn't say anything, but he basically agrees with her statement. They're worked very hard on it, especially Jade. If Phoebe knew the amount of ice cream Jade had had to consume while working with Robbie, she'd be singing another tune.

"All right," their teacher says doubtfully. "Well, this will at least give me something to read over during break. I'm taking a trip up to Seattle. It'll be a long train ride. I'm going to see Spencer Shay's new gallery on opening night!"

"We don't care," Jade informs her flatly. Phoebe looks highly offended.

"Yeah, so, have a great break, Ms Berokowski," Robbie says quickly, brightly. He can never bring himself to call her 'Phoebe' to her face.

He drags Jade out of the classroom before she can start ranting about trash as art and how many seagulls Spencer Shay probably kills with the remains of his paint products and plastic bottle cap pieces.

"She's such an idiot!" Jade tells him grumpily, out in the hallway. "She's so two-dimensional. If this were a TV show or a story someone was writing, she'd be used strictly for comic relief."

Robbie doesn't disagree.

They head on down to their shortened lunch period. Everyone sits with them today – Tori and Cat and Beck and Alison. He remembers he's never texted Tori back again last night, and looks at her guiltily. She just sends a small smile his way. He wonders if Beck has updated her, or just yelled about Full House to her too, and decides he has all of break to talk to Tori.

Alison compliments Jade's hair clip. Robbie digs through her purse for the emergency rice cakes she keeps in there. He hadn't been able to pack a lunch this morning. She doesn't even bat an eye when he goes through her stuff. She's pretty much Robbie-proofed her purse after he'd cut his finger on a pair of rusty old scissors that were in there and he'd spent the next four days frowning and moaning about a possible infection.

Beck spends the period talking pointedly and loudly about Full House and John Stamos's further career. "He was really good in that Lifetime movie, you know, the one where he kills his wife," he tells them all. Jade and Alison roll their eyes in tandem. He catches Jade smirking at Alison – it's a_ now you have to deal with him_ look. Alison sighs highed pitchedly. She runs her fingers through Beck's hair. Jade doesn't even bat an eye.

People are so weird.

* * *

He hasn't seen Dad since last weekend, so he drives himself to the Sterling Home after school. He to has work later in the evening, but for now, he has some time to spend. He greets the few residents that are milling about in the lobby, then heads upstairs to his father's room.

The room is dark, the curtains drawn, and Dad sleeps. The monitors he's now hooked up to a lot of the time beep quietly at them. Robbie mumbles a greeting that Dad probably doesn't hear or understand and turns on the tiny end-table light. He stretches out in the old, comfortable armchair beside the bed (he and Mom had brought it in from Dad's own study) and reads quietly for a few hours. Jade's lent him _The Shining, _and it's getting really freaky. They had watched the Stanley Kubrick film a few weeks ago, and Jade had been so impressed that Robbie could emulate Jack Nicholson so perfectly.

He talks to Dad a bit, trying to enthuse about Christmas. Dad doesn't stir._ Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. _

Mrs Savidge catches him on the way out, and they chat for a long time.

Her family is coming to see her on Christmas Eve, in two days. He tells her about Cat's sort-of holiday party and his crazy drunken friend – he's quick to assure her that no, of course, he wasn't drinking. He tells her about Tony Danza in Cat's haa-and. About Tori's cupcakes that he can't eat and everyone trying to sing the Twelve Days of Christmas. He leaves out the parts about all of the arguing and the fighting that had taken place the next night. He tells her of watching cartoons in Jade's room and Jade calling his neighbors the Golden Girls. Mrs Savidge laughs appreciatively. This sparks a side conversation between them about Betty White's new show. They watch it in the lobby together, sometimes.

Back in 1647, when Betty White was young, Robbie thinks, she had been very beautiful. He's sure that Mrs Savidge had been very beautiful, as well. Back before loving had forced her teeth out and she'd grown old with caring. He feels the melancholy trying to settle in, but he forces it out, out.

Eventually he says his goodbyes and heads out the door. It's nearly dark out, dinner time, and surprisingly cold. He wishes that he had thought to bring the scarf Mrs Savidge had knit for him. It's black and green stripped and really soft. Jade had actually complimented it the other day.

Gorilla Furniturewares is quiet – the manager has already left early for the evening, and Robbie uses his store key to let himself into the back loading area. It's just him and another guy, Tony, left to fill the trucks for the morning deliveries. They pack in couches and end tables and laugh at the lamp accessories that have been ordered.

Jade sends him a message about frozen yogurt, and his phone plays the theme music from The Terminator. When has she had time to mess with his contacts? Maybe at lunch when he was busy stuffing rice cakes into his mouth. Cat has texted him too, asking: _Why are lemons yellow, Robbie? Why not another color? _He thinks a bit. He responds to Jade, telling her that he won't be done work until very late. He puts the phone back in his pocket, set to ignore Cat. He back feels knotted, and his foot hurts a bit from the loveseat Tony had accidentally dropped on it.

He crosses the parking lot slowly and gets into his car. Jade's left one of her CDs in his car and the abrasive sounds of Nirvana start up again when he turns the key in the ignition.

Robbie doesn't turn it off. In fact, he actually turns it up. He's loathe to admit it to Jade, but the band has sort of grown on him. And it makes him happy, to see how happy she herself gets when she tells him things about them. She's pretty much a walking guidebook on 90s rock and pop culture.

"_In her false witness, something soo-omthing, to see if they float or drown,_" he sings along with the speakers, driving off.

Jess is on the couch, her knees tucked up under her, when he gets home and comes into the living room. She barely glances up at him. She's got her glasses on and is reading a Baby-Sitter's Club book. She's way too old to still be reading those, he thinks. And aren't those books from the 80s, anyway? He wonders where she even found the thing. She's dressed in her soccer uniform, still, and has Beck's huge green military jacket pooling around her shoulders.

"Mom left her credit cards on the table for us," she chirrups, turning a page in her book. "She said we can go Christmas shopping tomorrow." He assumes 'we' means himself and Jessica, and not him, Jess, and their mother.

Robbie shrugs. He has his own money, but he's sure Jess is thrilled at the thought of paying for her friend's presents with their mother's token of Mastercard love.

"Sure," he says. "Start thinking of places you want to grab lunch at."

He heads upstairs to shower. Jess returns her attention to her book. He hears her trill, "Fa la la la la, la la blah blah!" as he goes up the steps.

* * *

They drive to the train stop late in the morning the next day to go to the city. Not Hollywood – Pasadena would be good, he thinks. There are a lot of side-stores there that he and Jess could go into. Robbie's not going to chance it and drive them into the city himself, though, he thinks, as he punches in for two round trip train tickets.

Jess is reading another Baby-Sitter's book and Robbie scrolls dispassionately through his phone. He hovers over Cat's lemon message. He should be a good friend and text her back, but for some reason, he can't bring himself to. It's like all his energy is completely zapped away when he even looks at her name in his phone. He wonders if she even remembers sending it to him. Has she sent Tori and Jade messages about the colors of grapes and oranges? Did Beck get a text about why peanuts grow in the ground? Why is she talking to him about fruit, anyhow?

The train lets them off and they work their way down the tight city blocks. Robbie mentally takes pictures of street signs and buildings, just in case they get lost. The streets are crowded, but not overwhelmingly so. He adjusts his backpack on his shoulders.

They stop into a Kinkos, where Robbie pulls a picture of Uncle Jesse that he's printed out last night from his computer out of his bag. Uncle Jesse is parked ruggedly atop his motorcycle. He has a huge poster printed up for Beck. It's pretty expensive, for just a poster, but, he supposes, you can't put a price on true beauty. Jess just stares skeptically as Robbie carefully rolls up the huge sheaf of paper and slides it into the huge cardboard tube. He wonders if she's reconsidering her crush on Beck, but he doubts it.

He's not sure what to get Tori. They've become pretty good friends this year, but he still doesn't know her too well. In a music store, he buys her the newest Ginger Fox album. He also grudgingly buys Andre a Bob Marley record. Andre's always talking about how records are much better than CDs, and Robbie's almost sure Andre doesn't have _Legend_ on either. He's not too happy with Andre now, no, but things could change. And if they don't, Dad will have a new record, he supposes.

He inspects the CDs in the rock section. He buys himself a copy of In Utero, a Nirvana album, and he browses the 'H' section for that crazy Hole band Jade is always listening to. He sees a CD that hasn't made it's way into the backseat of his car yet, which probably means Jade doesn't own it. He buys it, even though he bemoans the fact that he's aiding her in her mission to create a giant collection of terrible music.

He and Jess eat a late lunch at a fancy bistro. Jess eats a giant chicken sandwich smothered in mayonnaise and some sort of weird lettuce. Robbie picks half-heartedly at his salad. Jess beams at their waiter, a tall blond boy. Robbie glares.

"You have mayo on your chin," he informs her.

She sticks her tongue out. Totally uncouth.

Back outside, a store off to the side catches his eye. It looks all dark inside and is called Nevermind. He can't help but think of Jade. He drags Jess across the street.

A boy behind the counter with a green mohawk and double lip rings looks at them with interest. Loud, pounding music is blasting from a stereo behind the checkout counter. Robbie doesn't recognize the tune. Jess runs off to inspect the t-shirts, and he follows her. He picks out a black girly fitted shirt with an octopus across the side for Tori. It's not a squid, but it's still sort of funny to him. He wonders if she'll wear it or just hyperventilate when she sees it.

Jess pokes about by the jewelry, and Robbie hovers over her. The last thing he needs is mohawk boy coming over and further corrupting his little sister. Jess inspects the shiny bracelets and sighs over the gaudy rings. That's when he sees the necklace.

It's a little longer than a choker, he guesses, and strung tightly with thick black pearls. They feel heavy when he touches them. In the center of the necklace, dangling from the pearls, is a tiny pair of silver-colored scissors. Probably real silver. The handles are embedded with impossibly small green gems of some sort. It's a weird combination of boldness and intricacy. _I'm Jade!_ the whole necklace screams at him.

"Do you think it'd be weird to buy Jade jewelry?" he asks his sister.

She scrunches her eyebrows up. "Noo-ooo..." she says slowly. "Not _weird._" She mumbles something under her breathe.

"What? What!" he asks.

"Noooothing," she says slowly, then smiles brightly up at him. Robbie harrumphs. He holds the necklace awkwardly, juggling his other bags and the long poster tube that's sticking out of his backpack.

He buys the necklace, as well as a bunch of jangly bracelets that Jess has been fawning over. She squeals and claps her hands. She could have just bought them for herself, on Mom's credit card, and Mom would have been none the wiser, but it makes Robbie feel good to be able to buy something himself for Jess. Mohawk rings up the items impassively.

"This is a good band," he says, nodding to the octopus t-shirt Robbie's buying for Tori.

"Umm, yep," Robbie says vaguely. Jess leans heavily on the counter and looks up at Mohawk. He ignores her.

The necklace, bracelets, and Tori's shirt are insanely expensive. More than Beck's poster and all the CDs were, and their lunch too! But it's all right, he has the money. He must remember to take the price tags off, he reminds himself. If Jade doesn't like the necklace, maybe his sister will wear it or something, though it's definitely not her style.

They browse around the streets for a bit longer. He buys Alison a little violin keychain. Maybe she can put it on her own knapsack. He doesn't think he knows her well enough to expect a gift in return, but he doesn't mind.

He spends the rest of the time searching for a present for Cat. It's hard to decide. He remembers his troubles last year, how he'd realized that while he and Cat speak so frequently, they never really say anything. And Jade says he never tells anything to anyone. Shapiro, opening up? Fat chance.

He has no idea what to get for Cat. He and Jess dismiss a dozen items. He ends up buying her a gumball machine.

On the train back home, Jess inspects their purchases and waves her hands about a lot, making her new bracelets jangle together. Robbie frowns back at his phone some more. Eventually, he texts to Cat: The bananas and squash would get lonely, then, he supposes. What other color would lemons want to be?

She never responds.

**Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed! I really cracked myself up writing Beck's scenes in this chapter.**

**Anyway, I'm thinking … this story is hardly over, but once I'm done, I wonder if anyone would be interested in reading a much shorter story, from Jade's perspective. It will have missing scenes from this one, like her meeting Robbie's mother, why she brings him rice cakes, how she starts to become close with his sister, and her own family life.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

It's Christmas Eve! There's so much to do. Robbie wants to give Jess a better Christmas this year. He spends most of the day stringing up popcorn to hang around the house. He'd seen it on TV and thought it would be fun. It actually isn't – it's sort of messy and he keeps jabbing himself with the needle, but he muscles through. Jess helps him, but they only make enough strands to string up in the dining room. The dining room is a little dusty because they never eat in there. They have a much smaller table in the kitchen, which is a brighter and more comfortable place. Robbie cleans the dining room and Jess hangs an old wreath on the wall. They set up their old plastic Christmas tree in the corner. It was passed down from Robbie's paternal grandfather. They set up the nativity set in the foyer. Mary is missing, so Jess puts out a few extra sheep.

He knows that Tori is really sad, because her parents are going to a special convention for her mother's job. It's basically mandatory, she's told him on the phone the previous night. Trina's going with them, but Tori says she has way too much homework and opted out.

He thinks she's actually still bummed because her new boyfriend had been cheating on her with this girl in Seattle. They'd found out a few weeks ago. Beck and Alison watch the girl's web-show (they have this huge, strange crush on the blonde girl that helps host the show and they talk about it all the time– Beck and Alison are so weird, Robbie thinks) and they had found out and luckily told Tori before things had gone too far.

Tori had wanted to go to Seattle to show up the guy, but Alison and Robbie had convinced her not to. Instead they'd sent a series of discreet emails to the show's technical producer. The next week, Steven was gone. "They wedgie-bounced him for, like twenty minutes on the webcast!" Beck told them. Robbie doesn't know what that is.

He and Jade had assured Tori that she had been way hotter than the web-show girl, anyway. What was her name, anyhow, Jade asks. Caroline? Carla?

Sometimes Jade surprises him.

So, knowing this, he invites Tori over for Christmas. She brightens a little bit. He even offers to help her with her history paper. He doesn't know why she struggles so much in Mrs Cardy's class. She always gets so stressed out! She takes like a million notes and always shushes Robbie when he tries to talk to her during class. Last week, she'd snapped three pencils!

Tori tells him she'll come over in the morning and they can all go grocery shopping. Jess is excited. She pesters him to call Jade and Beck, too.

Jade has to go to a big family party at one of her uncle's estates, on her father's side. He lives in Washington. They're staying for three whole nights, she tells him. She sounds really depressed about it. She's going to have to watch her half-brother the whole time. She tells him that two years ago, they'd gotten locked out of the house while all the men were drinking in the parlor (Robbie doesn't know any families that have an actual parlor) and had had to sit in her dad's car for, like, six hours. They'd watched Titanic twice on the TV built into the car. Jeff had cried both times the ship sank.

He tells Jade about going to Pasadena with Jess. He tells her about the presents he'd bought for Beck and Alison. They try to think up cute couple names for them. Beckison, she suggests. Aleck, he says.

"I know what I'm getting you," Jade tells him with much glee (it makes him a little bit nervous). "I'm going to pick it up on Saturday, after we get to my uncle's."

It's such a change from last year, when she had snarled at him for buying her something, for even thinking of her. He remembers, a bit guiltily, a bit embarrassed, how much effort he had put into finding the perfect present for Cat.

Change is an amazing thing. It makes him a little happy, but it makes him a little sad, as well.

Beck sounds glum too. He and his dad are eating together. They're working on their relationship. He's going to try and sneak out afterwards, he tells Robbie. He says he has presents for both him and Jess. She'll be thrilled.

* * *

Tori arrives at his house promptly at nine o clock on Christmas morning. She's wearing a monstrous green sweater with dancing elves on it, and she has a Santa hat perched neatly on her head. She looks ridiculous. Robbie's so glad she's his friend.

"Your sweater," he manages, as he lets her into the foyer.

She smiles brightly at him, spinning so he can see the back. There's a lonely elf carting what may be candy canes. "I know! Isn't it great? My Gram knitted it for me."

He immediately feels bad for thinking it monstrous in his head. "I love it," he tells her. She beams some more.

They get Jess and load themselves into Robbie's car. Jess wants to buy a duck to cook, but Robbie and Tori bargain her down to half a turkey. None of them have ever eaten duck before.

"It's bad enough that we're going to cook half of a dead animal," Tori says, poking sadly at the half-turkey. "Ducks are so cute. Not that turkeys aren't!" she tells the turkey breast quickly. Of course Tori would be concerned about offending frozen meat. "But it would be horrible for us to cook a duck and then not even like it."

She pats the turkey consolingly. Jess pats it too. Robbie hefts it into the shopping cart.

Tori asks him if he's ever made mashed potatoes with soy milk. They buy a lot of vegetables. Tori even finds some gluten-free pudding. She waves it in Robbie's face.

"How is that possible?" he wonders, taking the package from her hands and inspecting the ingredients list.

"The pudding doesn't lie, Robbie!" she cries, snatching it back. She tosses it into the cart. "To be honest, I'm not even really sure what gluten is. I keep meaning to Wikipedia it, but I always forget, or start looking up child actors."

"Gluten is the thing that gives me a huge rash," he says, and she tries not to laugh too much. "It's, like, sort of in wheat and stuff. Like when you have a wheat allergy? But some people's aren't as bad as mine." He sighs.

Tori and Jess struggle with the turkey's gut bag and by the time they've resorted to pounding it upside down on the kitchen counter, Robbie has to leave the room, tears running down his face from laughing so hard. Behind him, he hears Tori scream.

Since the turkey is frozen, it will take an extra long time to cook. Maybe around five they can start to prepare the vegetables and Tori's mashed potato experiment. They leave Jess to sprawl on the couch and watch her Little House on the Prairie marathon. Tori pokes around in the study, inspecting his mother's law books.

"Your mom's working through Christmas?" she frowns.

Robbie shrugs. "I guess so," he says. He actually isn't really sure where Mom is. He knows she's been working on a big case since the start of November.

"This is the first time I haven't been with my parents over the holidays," Tori tells him sadly. "I couldn't imagine not seeing them all the time. You must get lonely."

"I guess so," he says again. "It's not that bad. I forget you never met my mom."

"What, is she mean, or something?"

Robbie laughs a little. "No, I guess not. She's very … um, proper. I was always closer with … well, I mean, I'm not very close to her." It's scary how close he comes to slipping up so frequently. Always teetering on the edge, waiting to fall into his allusions and lies.

Tori frowns again. She looks at him curiously.

"I have Jess, though, and it's fine," he tells her. He changes the subject quickly. He doesn't want her to start pestering him about his dad or something. He doesn't think he can go through talking about him again. And Tori won't understand. Her dad doesn't think she's still eight. "I have your present upstairs in my room. Well, presents."

Tori's dark eyes light up. "Ooh, presents! A plural!" she exclaims. "I have yours in my backpack. I hope you didn't get me anything expensive," she frowns.

"Oh, no, not really," Robbie lies, thinking of her forty dollar octopus shirt that is apparently a band logo. Local bands need support, too, he thinks, even if he'll never listen to them. He leads her up the stairs and to his room where he's got all the gifts stashed. She squeals over the Ginger Fox CD and laughs, putting the shirt he's bought her on atop her sweater. It bulges awkwardly over the knit fabric.

"I suppose I'm over the_ incident _at Nozu," she tells him. "I just felt so bad! Did you know they'll even cook the squid's eyeballs!" She pats her belly, where several of the octopus's arms rest. "At least this guy's alive. He's even got little bubbles!"

Tori gives him his gifts – an actual tie that isn't a clip on, and an organic chocolate bar. The tie is blue plaid on one side and green striped on the other. "This is awesome!" he tells her. "It's like I have _two_ ties now! This is great!"

"Yeah, I kind of thought you'd like it," she muses. Later Jess will call the tie an aberration. He wears it to annoy her.

He shows Tori the John Stamos poster he's had made up for Beck. She laughs until she actually cries a little. "That's a really good picture," she chuckles. She wipes away a tear. "Oh, that's really good."

He begins to roll the poster back up as Tori moves her gaze down his bed, inspecting the other presents. "Wow, is this for Andre?"

He nods hesitantly.

She exclaims over the record. "Wow, Robbie. I totally haven't even picked out a present for Andre. He's not going to be home until the 29th, you know. I don't even know if I'm going to get him something. You're way too much of a nice guy."

Robbie shrugs.

Tori does that thing she does where she frowns at him and sweeps her hair away from her face at the same time. She looks at him expectantly.

Oh. She wants to talk about how he's _feeling. _He knew the day had been going too well.

"We already talked about this, Tori," he whines at her.

"Barely! At lunch! And, hey – _hey!_" She glares at him suddenly and pokes him hard in the shoulder. "And, and you never called me after Jade screamed the building down at Nozu! What did she _say?_ I assume you guys didn't fight that much or made up since you were, like, eating out of her purse at lunch." She gives him a significant look, and whacks at his shoulder again. "But what happened with Cat!"

"Oh... well..." He rubs the back of his head contemplatively, and jerks quickly to the left to avoid another hard poke from her. "Hey! Quit it! Come on, I bought you part of a turkey!"

Tori folds her arms across her chest and glares.

"Fine!" he yelps. "Well, Jade was, like, sort of mad at Cat, I guess. Because of her and Andre. I guess everyone knows I like Cat, or liked her, at least. She was pretty mad at Andre too." He tells her about the things Jade had yelled at Cat, and then about the things he had yelled at Jade. Tori gasps and her hands fly to her mouth when he mentions his line about Beck. _"I know,"_ he cringes.

He glosses over what had happened at Jade's house later that night. He just tells her that they both apologized (well, Jade sort of had. He knows it's the best she can do, and he's grateful for it) and then just sort of hung out until it was time for school.

Tori's eyes nearly bug out of her head. "Ohmygod, I knew something weird happened! Robbie! Ohmygod! I can't believe you actually _spent_ the_ night_ at her house! Jade West! Robbie!"

"Ir's not really a big deal!" he insists.

"Wow," is all Tori can say. She seems dazed. "Does she sleep in a crypt?"

"No!" he says. He feels a small tinge of irritation, even though he knows that she's only kidding. "She has an actual bedroom, Tori. It's _purple._"

"Okay, okay." She shrugs her shoulders apologetically. She starts peppering him with questions about Jade's house and family. She sits down on the bed, and yelps. She jumps to the side quickly – she's half-sat on the black plastic box that holds the necklace he's picked out for Jade. She picks it up carefully, with great interest. "Who is _this_ for?"

"It's Jade's," he tells her. Isn't it obvious? "It's her Christmas present."

"Oh..." is all she says. She furrows her brows.

Robbie shifts from foot to foot. "Why – why are you making that face?" he asks, suddenly nervous. "Is it ugly?"

"What?" She looks up at him. "Oh, no … no. It's really beautiful. It's just - " Her eyebrows crease even more.

"Tori!" he yelps.

"No, it's just – well, it's jewelry! That's more of a, like, that's a really serious gift. I mean … like, it's usually something couples would give each other, don't you think?" She frowns thoughtfully. "I mean, for a second, I thought it was for Cat."

"Oh, no, I bought her a gumball machine," he says absently. He frowns. He hadn't thought about the necklace being couple-y. He tells her this, and then frets, "So, do you think, like, I shouldn't give it to her? To Jade, I mean."

"Oh … no. I mean, yes, give it to her. It's so beautiful!" she exclaims again. "Just … I mean... do you _like _Jade now?"

"Of course I like her!" he says. Tori raises her eyebrows up at him. "Oh … I guess you mean … oh, do I _like her _like her."

"Do you?" she asks.

"No!" he yelps. "I mean, I just like her!"

"Okay," Tori frowns doubtfully.

Robbie takes the necklace from her and puts it in his desk drawer. She's made him feel very awkward. He really hadn't given any thought to the appropriateness of his gift to Jade. Now it seems huge and moronic. Jewelry is what you give your girlfriend. Why didn't he know this? Why didn't he understand? He bemoans, for the millionth time, the fact that he can't seem to function like a normal person.

If Jade thought he _liked_ her, she'd probably kill him. Or worse, she'd laugh at him.

"Maybe my sister will want it," he says.

"Robbie, no!" cries Tori, looking aghast and contrite. "No, forget what I said! Give it to her! I'm sure you bought it for her for a reason!"

But for what reason? He wonders.

"It's fine," he tells Tori. "Maybe I'll give it to her later. I mean, I got her a CD too. I don't know. It's stupid."

"Robbie - " Tori starts, but he ignores her.

"Don't you want to see Cat's present?" he asks her. He roots around in his closet. Tori pouts at him some more, but doesn't press the issue.

They eat dinner around seven. They'd spent the rest of the afternoon working on Tori's history homework and watching TV with his sister. It's winter break – school should be the last thing on his mind, but he welcomes the distraction. Tori only snaps one pencil as they're editing her essay on the Spanish Civil War.

Tori's mashed potatoes are weirdly greasy – she's used vegetable oil instead of butter – but not altogether terrible. She and Jess giggle and eat the watery gluten-free pudding while Robbie battles with the dishwasher, trying to cram everything in. He abandons a few of the larger pots in the sink. Oh well. He'll hand wash them later, maybe tomorrow. He doubts Mom will be home to care.

They watch the A Charlie Brown Christmas on TV and the end of Miracle on 34th Street. Robbie's sad when it comes time to drive Tori home. The house always seems a little brighter when anyone comes over.

When he gets home, he calls Jade's cell phone. She doesn't answer. He hopes she isn't locked out again. Beck sends him a morose text message. Their light-up reindeer are short-circuiting, and Dad's drunk. Cat is in San Fransisco with her uncle and uncle, so he doesn't bother to call her.

He watches a crappy made-for-TV Christmas film with Jess and they eat the popcorn strands from the dining room, even though it's probably unsanitary. Jess sleeps on his shoulder.

**AN: Hahaha, I am glad that everyone else apparently loves Scooby-Doo as much as I do. Now that I only have a few TV channels all I watch is the 1960s/70s Scooby-Doo … and a lot of Swamp People. Thirteen Ghosts is the best! I haven't seen it in forever, though, sadly. Anyone know how to rig a satellite dish? I miss watching Victorious. **

**Agent Taggert – you'll like this chapter because it's Rori-tastic. **

**This was a short chapter, because I didn't want to drag everything out too long. Next chapter will see Andre coming over, and Jade. But I think everyone can use a Monday pick-me-up.**

**Sorry I messed with the show's timeline a bit. I can't stop dropping iCarly references, I guess.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

It's a quarter past eleven in the morning, and the door bell is ringing.

Robbie's generally an early riser – for years, he's gotten up at no later than eight-thirty on the weekends; the Sterling Home's visiting hours open at nine.

But it's Wednesday, just less than a week into winter break, and he had been up late, talking to Tori on the phone. Trina had gotten a perm in LA. It does not look good - it's a debacle. Tori's been massaging peanut oil into her scalp all day as some sort of homemade relaxer. After they'd hung up, near midnight, he'd finished _The Shining._ He'd been up until three, reading. He's probably never going to stay at a hotel, he decides.

Earlier, he'd heard Jess puttering about, singing an old Elvis song loudly. He'd heard the shower running. Pots and pans clanked in the kitchen. She sang tunelessly some more. Rude. The front door slammed a few times. She's probably gone now - playing soccer or at her friend Liz's, doing whatever it is that twelve year old girls do.

He rolls out of bed regretfully and slides into yesterday's jeans. He drags a bulky sweater over his skinny frame. It's tightly knitted and bright orange. It's very soft. He scurries downstairs, yelling, "Coming!" even though whoever has rung the bell probably can't hear him. He slides into the foyer and squints through the glass frame aside the door. It's Andre.

Robbie opens the door.

"Hey," he says, trying to sound enthused, trying to sound not nervous.

Andre smiles back – it's a weird, watery smile, a hesitant one. "Hey man."

It seems to be a pretty mild morning – Robbie's Pearphone has said it's going to be in the upper fifties today - but Andre's wrapped up in a thick scarf and big coat. Robbie invites him in and leads him to the kitchen and Andre follows, unwinding from his scarf and pulling off his jacket. He shakes his braids out from his collar.

He chuckles at Robbie's hair. It's sticking up with static from when he'd pulled his sweater on. He needs a haircut.

"So ... what's been going on?" Andre asks him brightly.

"Oh. Well, nothing much." He's just been hanging around the house for the past few days. Jade is back home now, he thinks, but she hasn't really spoken to him yet. He doesn't want to bug her. She hasn't called him back after he phoned her on Christmas. "How was your holiday?" he asks politely.

Andre rolls his eyes dramatically and pulls a face. Robbie can't help but smile a little. "Well, you know," he drawls, and plasters a huge fake smile on his face. "Jesus is the real reason for the season."

Robbie laughs. "That bad?"

"Have you met my grandmother?" Andre asks incredulously. "Multiply her by a dozen. Then add a fat black priest and a lot of fat-free pudding. I still can't speak of it." He sighs heavily.

Robbie laughs again. "Tori came over for Christmas," he tells Andre, leaning against the counter. "We cooked a turkey."

Andre chuckles too. "Oh yeah? How was that?"

He tells Andre about the girls fighting with the gut bag and Tori putting vegetable oil in the mashed potatoes. Andre shakes his head. Tori's got a thing for mashed potatoes, he tells Robbie. She makes them too lumpy, though.

Yeah, she does, Robbie agrees.

After that, they're got nothing left that's small to talk about, it seems, and the awkwardness settles back in. Robbie rubs at his hair again. It crackles a little with static.

Andre clears her throat. "Look, Robbie... I mean, it's cool just to see you … but I guess we should talk."

Robbie doesn't say anything. He doesn't look at Andre, either. The kitchen tiles have never seemed more fascinating. They'd had them redone when he was ten. He's had a lot of time to look at them. "I guess so," he says finally.

"I guess I owe you an apology," Andre says.

"No, you don't," Robbie says quickly, but Andre cuts him off.

"I really … Look, I swear, man, I didn't know you had a thing for Cat," he tells him, and he sounds very sincere.

"It's okay," Robbie says.

Andre's sort of frowning and he bits his lip. "It's not, though, Rob. I should have known. I guess I didn't want to know, or didn't care. A couple weeks ago, at Cat's party? Well, Beck - he told me I was an idiot." He laughs a little bit. "I really didn't know until he told me. Then I didn't know what to do. I guess."

Robbie doesn't answer. He doesn't know what to say.

"It just sucks, I guess," Andre says slowly, "because ... I really like Cat."

"It's okay," Robbie says again. "I didn't tell you. I mean, I barely told Cat. I mean, I did, but … I guess it wasn't ... a thing. I sort of - kept it to myself."

"You and me are like complete opposites, man," Andre observes. "I go crazy if I keep things bottled up inside. I start itchin'!"

"Yeah," says Robbie. "Umm … yeah. Look - " he starts, just as Andre says, "I mean..."

They both wait. Andre chuckles again. "I'm real sorry, Rob," he says again. "Especially for that night at the restaurant. I could see you were unhappy. I just didn't want to do anything about it. I mean, ya even sat next to Jade!"

Robbie always sits next to Jade, he thinks absently.

"Cat's really great," Andre repeats.

"Yeah. She is," Robbie says, a little sadly. "I'm not mad at you. Maybe I should be … but I don't blame you for asking her out."

Andre looks confused. "Oh … well. Yeah."

"What?" Robbie asks, frowning a little.

"Nothing. I mean. It's just …" He hesitates. "Cat asked _me_ out."

"Oh," he says stupidly. "I didn't know that."

Andre shrugs. "Well, that don't really matter, right?"

It sort of matters, a lot, but Robbie can't exactly place why.

Andre tells him suddenly, "I'm going to break up with her."

"What? Why?" Robbie cries. He actually takes a step back, like Andre's shocked him or something.

Andre frowns at him like he doesn't understand Robbie. "What do you mean, why? I'm not going to go out with the girl you like! That's not cool, man! I'm being a jerk. I haven't been a good friend to you."

"But you like Cat," Robbie frowns.

Andre looks surprised. "Of course I do. But you were my friend first. And you liked her first."

It really sucks that those things don't matter, Robbie thinks. What's important is: "But she doesn't like _me,_" he tells Ande. He chews on his lower lip. "That's not really fair to you guys. I mean … um, I don't even like her anymore."

"Yeah?" Andre says doubtfully. He inspects Robbie carefully.

"Yeah," Robbie lies. Or maybe he doesn't. It hurts too much to keep liking Cat. It used to be easy. It used to be the easiest thing, the best thing.

"I don't know," Andre says. "It doesn't feel right. I don't think I should - "

"Don't break up with her!" he blurts out. "I mean … I mean … go out with her if you want! She _asked _you _out!_ It's not your fault she didn't ask _me_ out."

Andre crinkles his brow. "You sound kind of upset, man."

Robbie holds his breath, counts to five in his head. "I'm not upset," he tells Andre calmly. "I sort of was, before. I thought you knew … I mean, um, I thought that you thought, or knew, I liked her. Tori and Jade say everyone knew."

He thinks for a minute. "I mean, I didn't know that you liked Cat either. So, there's … there's that."

Andre looks at him carefully. "I do like Cat," he says slowly. "I like her a lot. She's a great girl. And I'm really happy when I'm with her … I mean, I guess you know how _that_ is."

Robbie lifts a corner of his mouth and doesn't say anything.

He continues: "It's so weird, I guess ... I just_ get_ her." He laughs a little. "And she gets me. It's like, all those crazy things she says, they all make sense, you know? In my head. You know, how that is?"

"Yeah," Robbie says hollowly, and that's all he says.

He's never gotten Cat, not ever. He's been devoted to her, and they are sweet to each other, and they have silly things in common, like liking the same soda brands and the color turquoise, but he's never understood her, not really.

He doesn't know why she does the things she does, or says the things she that says. Frowns at her in confusion when she tells him it's a Thursday kind of day and isn't it sad that it's only Tuesday? Shakes his head when she ties ribbons to his fingers and tells him not to forget, Robbie, you better not! Forget what? He asks her, but she just laughs at him and tugs on his hair. She's already moving on to the next thing. She's a million miles away.

Her brain works on a different plateau than his. Robbie is a square. Cat is … something else entirely. A circle, an ocean. She surpasses him.

He doesn't know why he is just now understanding this. Understanding that, well, he really doesn't understand Cat at all.

He remembers her latest text message to him – _why are lemons yellow, Robbie? Why not another color?_ He thinks of his response. It's all so silly, but it makes him feel very sad, very detached from her. Maybe his answer hadn't been the one she was looking for. Maybe Andre's would be.

He doesn't tell Andre these things, no. These things don't matter, and he's only just realized them, himself. They don't make him feel any better about liking Cat or not liking Cat. They don't make him feeling any better about Andre liking Cat. He doesn't know if they will make Andre feel any better, either. He doesn't know anything.

Robbie assures Andre a few more times that it's cool, he's actually happy for him and Cat, in a way. Each time he says it, he feels like he believes it a little more. At least he can pretend to believe it. What, if anything, does he go to Hollywood Arts for?

He can tells Andre feels better, and he feels better, too. He wants his friends to be happy. He feels his best when they are happy. It doesn't matter that Robbie, at his best, is not what anyone would call particularly happy. This, he can keep away, for himself, and he can bury it.

They hang out for a little bit more once the tension has settled. Robbie gives Andre his record. Andre is touched. Robbie is glad. He wants Andre to be happy. He knows that there must be more to Andre than he knows. He never speaks of his parents, either. And yes, Robbie has met his grandmother, and yes, she is very crazy. He thinks he and Andre could share some stories, if only Robbie could find the words. Andre tells him that he has two tickets to the rock festival that's happening on Christmas Eve, down in LA. He knows that the other ticket was intended for Cat, but Andre offers it to him.

Robbie lets him know that he'll think about it, knowing he won't go, knowing Andre will take Cat, and sees Andre off. He takes his hurt up and bottles it. It can go deep down, next to dad, next to Cat, next to Mrs Savidge's lost teeth.

He thinks of a small Jade with gum in her hair, alone in a strange place. He thinks of Tori, still sad about a guy who can't see how great she is, herself alone. Beck, who can't even stand to be in the same room with his father for longer than a two-hour period. He wonders if everyone has these bottles of hurt and sadness, hidden deep away. He wonders if everyone's clink so dangerously together and threaten to come to the surface. If it's just him.

He goes to find something to eat. His phone buzzes, but he ignores it.

* * *

Jade calls him the next day when he's making lunch for him and Jess. He picks up on the second ring and greets her exuberantly.

"Hey," she responds, sounding bored with him already. He smiles. He asks her to tell him about her vacation. He hops up and slides onto the kitchen counter as she talks.

Jess glowers at him and rises from the table. She starts chopping up the lettuce he's taken out for the salad.

Jade gives him a few details: Boring, loud, old men. Her dad talking forever about the new science book he was publishing. Too much Frank Sinatra. An ice sculpture of a greyhound and The Electric Slide (she won't elaborate). Sophia had taken her and Jefferson into the city on the second day. They'd eaten at a Greek restaurant.

"Jeff stuck string beans up his nose and choked on lamb meat," she tells him. "I was reminded of you."

"Really? Why?"

"Because you're both morons," she intones.

Robbie laughs.

He tells her about his Christmas. "I didn't ask you about any details," she interrupts him, but lets him go on. He tells her about stringing popcorn and the missing Mary. He tells her about Tori apologizing to the frozen half-turkey.

Jade snorts. "She would," she says. There's minimal malice in her tone. Robbie's pleased.

"Want to come over?" he asks her. "I can give you your present. I finished _The Shining. _It was better than the movie."

"I guess so," she drawls. "I'll take Sophia's car. They're being generous with me. I just have to shower first. Jeff got Magic Marker on my face."

"Will you want lunch, Ms West?"

Jess piques her eyebrows at him. She's chewing her ham sandwich with her mouth open. Robbie makes a face at her.

"You don't have to feed me, Shapiro," Jade snaps at him. He holds the PearPhone away from his ear as she goes on. Funny how she doesn't seem bothered when she's eating the ice cream he's bought special for her.

He decides not to tell her this.

Jade arrives about an hour later. She's wearing a shirt and tight jeans that he hasn't seen before – a possible Christmas present? The shirt is kelly green, which is unusual. He can count the times he hasn't seen Jade in all black on one hand. It's a good color on her, he thinks. When she walks past him through the foyer he sees that the back of it is black-fishnetted. Ah, there it is. He also notes that he can see her bra through said fishnets. He tries not to look and not to blush.

She has her messenger bag with her and a huge box wrapped in Peanuts paper. Lucy and Schroeder in Christmas hats with candy canes and music notes dancing around them.. No way she's picked that out, he thinks.

"Come on, Shapiro!" she calls out. "Where's your sister? Hey, Pigtails!"

Jess appears at the top of the steps, scowling.

"I got you a present," Jade calls up to her. Jess beams and thunders down the stairs.

"What did you get her?" Robbie squawks. "Not cigarettes?"

Jade rolls her eyes at him and purses her lips. "You idiot," she says demurely. She digs around in her messenger bag as Jess hops from foot to foot.

"Oh, I guess the big box is for Robbie," she grumbles sourly. Robbie smirks at her. Jess makes an awful face at him.

"Don't try and smirk, Shapiro," Jade says, without looking up from her bag. "It's unbecoming on you." He goggles at her. She pulls a bunch of barrettes out of her bag and hands them over to Jess, who squeals. He can't tell what they are from where he's standing, but since it's Jade, they're probably expensive. They look glittery. "Hold on, there's like two more," Jade murmurs, her eyebrows creased. She shifts stuff around in her bag and glares into the darkness of it.

"Seriously, when did you and my sister start trading hair products?" he asks, once Jess has exclaimed enough and disappeared back into her room, to preen, most likely.

Jade just shrugs. She looks at him for a moment. She isn't wearing her usual coat of mascara, and her eyes look very big and very blue. "She's lonely," she says simply. "Don't you remember being twelve and awkward?"

He wonders if he's to take that to mean that Jade was awkward as a twelve year old. He can't imagine Jade West being awkward for even a day in her whole life. Even with what he knows.

"I remember being sixteen and awkward," he says. Jade snorts.

"Your present's in my room," he tells her, and they go upstairs. Jade leads the way. It seems like he's always following someone, but he doesn't mind this time.

Jade collapses unceremoniously on his bed. She uses one foot to edge her plaid-patterned sneaker off the opposite foot, then the other. He notes she's wearing striped socks. "Open mine first," she tells him, shoving it towards him with a hand.

"Okay," he says. Cautiously, he sits down next to her. She doesn't glare at him. It is his bed, after all, he supposes.

"You really need new sheets," she says, as he carefully peels the tape back and unwraps Schroeder and Lucy. He opens up the plain white box and pulls out – a hanging mobile. It's littered with wooden red and green noses.

Jade must look at his face, because she throws her head back and laughs. "Merry Sniffmas," she shrieks.

Robbie laughs too.

"It's a holiday original. Since you admire him so much," she says. She laughs some more. If he didn't know her, and know that she can practically read his thoughts, he'd almost call it giggling.

"Thank you," he tells her, and is surprised to find it is honest. He'd never thought he and Jade would be the inside-jokes type of … well, whatever they are. "I'll add it to my collection."

He goes to his closet and pulls out her CD, wrapped in snowman paper. He looks nervously to his desk drawer as he hands it to her.

Jade actually gasps when she opens it. He guesses he was right in assuming she didn't have it.

"Where did you find this?" she asks incredulously, turning it in her hands.

"Pasadena," he says, simply.

"Wow," she says. "I can never find this anyway. This is cool – I mean, I have it downloaded, but this is really cool." She's already opening it and inspecting the liner booklet. "Thanks, Robbie," she says, somewhat hesitatingly. Then she continues: "This has all their b-sides. Ooh, and some live stuff. Kurt Cobain sings on a song."

"Oh yeah?" he says. He lays on his bed, feet hanging off the sides, alongside hers, and lets her talking about Courtney Love for a while.

His PearPhone goes off. It's Beck, texting again. Robbie immediately feels bad. Beck had sent him a few texts the last few days and last night, but he'd been on the phone with Tori so he couldn't respond. Tori can tell when he puts her on speaker phone and gets indignant. Beck hadn't been able to come over on Christmas after dinner like he'd hoped. Their light-up reindeer had started malfunctioning, and his dad was drunk on tequila. It was a bad night, Robbie can infer.

Beck's sent him a sad face. Robbie's a terrible friend!

"Hey … would you mind … going to Beck's?" he asks slowly. "I'm supposed to hang out with him. I have to give him his present, too."

Jade thinks about it, staring up at Robbie's ceiling. "I guess not," she says. "But I'm not speaking to him."

"I thought you guys were okay now!" Robbie exclaims.

Jade shrugs. He can feel the movement vibrate down the mattress. "We are, but I started thinking about how stupid his face is. Now I'm annoyed again."

"All right..." he says doubtfully. "Should I, like, alert him of this?"

"If you want," Jade says dismissively. She's holding the CD above her head, looking at the booklet again. She _really_ likes it, he thinks, pleased. So he doesn't feel too bad about not giving her the necklace. He won't give it to Jess, though. Maybe one day he'll stop being an idiot, and think of a way to give it to Jade that doesn't involve an outcome her her cutting all of his limbs off slowly.

Robbie texts Beck: _Jade says that your face is stupid._

Beck responds immediately:_ lol. oh. she's mad again. shes over?_

He sends him a message that yeah, Jade is over. They're going to stop by Beck's to give him his present … if that's all right, Robbie adds as an afterthought.

_Ali's here,_ Beck texts. _we're watching icarly._

_Should I tell Jade?_

_maybe for the best. but let her kno she's welcome._

"Beck and Alison are watching iCarly," he tells Jade. "They would love to see us."

Jade rolls her eyes and sits up. "Why do they watch that nonsense?" she grouses. Robbie has a perfect view of the back of her shirt and also her purple bra. The lines of her back look smooth. He doesn't know how he feels about noting that.

"You sound like an old lady," he tells her, grinning lazily.

She punches him in the hip.

"Ow!" he cries.

"_You _sound like an old man," she informs him. It's a pretty weak insult. She must be having a bad day.

They hang out in his room for a few more minutes before they head to Beck's. Robbie hangs up the Merry Sniffmas mobile. It looks good above his bottled ships.

At Beck's RV, true to her word, Jade doesn't talk to him. She does greet Alison, though. Alison compliments Jade's jeans. Robbie doesn't understand girls at all.

Beck actually sort of squeals in a horrific manner and makes a big production of hanging his John Stamos poster on the wall of the RV that doesn't have a window. He makes Robbie take a picture on his phone of him standing next to it. He'll update it to The Slap tonight.

They stay at Beck's for a few more minutes. Jade picks at her dark green nail polish. Beck gives Robbie an In Utero poster, the big angel from the album cover with all her insides showing. "Since you've been listening to it a lot," he says, very loudly for some reason. Jade raises her eyebrows and says nothing. Beck also gives him a soccer ball for Jess.

"It's signed by the Greenwich champion of '09," he tells him. Robbie has no idea who that would be. "My dad was there on a business convention. I made him buy it."

Robbie furrows his brow, because he has no idea about anything sports-related, though he knows Beck watches soccer and football. "Jess will go gaga," he assures Robbie.

After that there's nothing left to do but to go back to his house. Jade blasts her Hole CD on the way. It's abrasive, Robbie tells her, but he finds himself humming along to some songs he knows.

Jade eats all of the rest of his ice cream and makes fun of the collection of sweaters he's got. Mom had ordered them from a catalog. That's his present, as well as a brand new acoustic guitar (Trina had smashed the other one after she'd been stood up for a date. Robbie and Cat had tried to sing her a song). It had arrived in the mail two days ago. Later, when he's falling asleep beneath his Galaxy Wars sheets, Robbie notes that it's the happiest he's been in days.

**AN: Oh my god, this was so hard to write! It's very hard for me to write Andre's voice, but I tried. Aside from that, I'm pretty pleased with this chapter. I wrote this all in about two hours last night. Forced it out. And don't worry about the necklace, guys - it will definitely come into play later.  
**

**My last chapter has had 90 hits since it was posted yesterday! I can't believe this story has somewhat of a following. Huge thank you to my little posse of reviewers - you guys are seriously the best, and I love hearing what you think of each chapter. :)  
**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

When he wakes up on New Year's Eve, he feels oddly light. It's just past nine.

He makes pancakes for his sister. He's pretty sure she's still asleep, but the smell will attract her. Sort of like a bug or a rodent.

Jess shuffles into the kitchen, yawning grotesquely. She's wearing her soccer shorts and Robbie's crew shirt from _Oliver!_ Her wavy light brown hair is escaping from her ponytail holder and fanning out to hang in her face. She has a sleep crease on her left cheekbone.

He hands her a plate, which she takes wordlessly, scrubbing at her eyes with her free hand. Jess can't really be counted upon to speak in more than two syllables before ten am.

"Want coffee?" he asks.

She gives forth a grunt. It sounds like an affirmative one.

Robbie sets the coffee machine up, and returns to the stove to make some eggs for himself. Behind him, the coffee pot burbles.

"Do you want to visit Dad with me today?" he asks her brightly.

Jess sort of frowns at him. "It's not a weekend," she mutters around a mouthful of pancake. Today is a Wednesday.

Robbie feels his mood instantly slip from a bright blue to one that is dimmer. "Well, no," he says to the frying pan. "But um … we didn't go for Christmas. I haven't seen him in over ten days." He turns to face her.

Jess just looks at him from the table. She rubs her cheek. She doesn't respond.

"Why don't you ever want to see him?" Robbie asks. He hears the edge in his voice and tries to dial it back.

She shrugs.

"He is your father," Robbie reminds her unnecessarily.

Jess scowls at him. "I know that," she says. Then she sighs heavily. She appears to give in. "Yeah, we can go," she mumbles. "I guess you want to go in like ten minutes because you're my brother. Eat your eggs and let me get dressed."

Robbie cleans up the kitchen while she heads upstairs. He cleans when he's nervous. He shouldn't be nervous. Is he nervous? He's been to see his father with Jess dozens of time, but not so much lately. Actually, to be honest, he can't think of the last time they'd gone together. She hasn't been coming on the weekends for quite a while now, since last year maybe. He doesn't ask her if she visits at any other times. This is the subject they skate around, why she doesn't want to see her father.

Jess eventually slinks down the steps in her light jeans and flipflops, Beck's military jacket draped over her lithe frame. She could pretend to be slightly enthusiastic, he thinks. But getting her to say anything about Dad, or seeing Dad, or even Dad before he got sick, is like pulling teeth.

"Your feet are going to get cold," he points out instead.

She doesn't respond. She digs around in her backpack for some chewing gum.

The drive to the retirement home is fairly uneventful. He pulls out of the driveway and stops, waits for one of the neighbor's boys trot across the street, chasing after his dog, Grizzly. Grizzly is a Labrador-Chow mix, and is always digging holes under their fence. Every other week, the youngest boy, Teddy, is knocking on the front door and crying that Grizzly is lost forever.

He lets Jess turn Nirvana off in favorite of the pop radio. They sing along tunelessly to a few Katy Perry songs. She's more of Jess's thing, but even though he teases her, Robbie has to admit that her multitude of songs are pretty catchy. And it seems like she has about 80,000 singles. She's a prolific lady, Robbie thinks.

Jess seems to grow quiet again when they reach the Sterling Home. She does take the time to spare Robbie a small smile, though, he leans over to lower the radio before turning the car off.

They troop inside. The receptionist exclaims over Jess and asks Robbie about his holidays. Then they go up to Dad's room.

"Hey Robert," Robbie greets his dad cheerfully. Jess echoes him, albeit somewhat unenthusiastically.

Dad beams at them. He's up and dressed, even though it's only eleven (sometimes he sleeps until afternoon or doesn't get out of bed at all, and Robbie just picks a book from the library and reads beside him). He's wearing a tan Oxford shirt and dark slacks. His hair is dark and curly like Robbie's, but thinning. It's just beginning to become shot with gray at his temples. "Hello kids," he says companionably.

Robbie can tell it's going to be a good day for Dad.

He tells Dad about all of the things that have happened over Christmas break. He tells him about his Merry Sniffmas mobile and how he's hung it about his ships. "Do you remember those?" he asks.

"Of course I do," Dad says, smiling vacantly.

Jess breathes out heavily through her nose beside Robbie.

They stay for a few hours. Robbie talks to his dad a lot, and they play checkers. His father isn't so good at chess anymore and Robbie doesn't want to risk upsetting him today.

Jess disappears to somewhere as soon as he takes his eye off her. He's slightly miffed, but he turns his attention to dad, who's just skipped over one of Robbie's checkers. Dad slides the pieces he's won in his pocket. Robbie's going to have to remember to tell Marta, the woman who launders Dad's clothes at the home, that he's done this. She takes her job very seriously. Checker pieces in her washing machine could ruin her whole day. Dad's clothes are always pressed carefully and hung crisply, neatly. A few months ago his mother had told Marta she didn't need to use such intense care. Her husband wouldn't be bothered either way. Robbie didn't speak to her for a week, but he also hadn't seen her for that week, so he's unsure if it counts.

Robbie and his dad play three games and then he watches Dad slowly eat a late lunch. Dad eats mostly liquids now.

"Do you know if my wife made this soup?" he asks Robbie.

"No, I don't think so."

After that, Robbie doesn't really have much else to say, so he looks out the window for a long time. You can see the river from here. Dad isn't bothered by his presence and leaves him be. He finishes his lunch and he stares out the window too. Eventually, his head nods down, and he's fallen asleep.

Robbie scours the facility for Jess. He pokes his head into Mrs Savidge's room, waves, and heads onward, seeing Jess isn't there. Mrs Savidge says something after him, but he doesn't here it. Eventually he finds her down in the kitchen, talking to two of the male residents about Harry Potter. Jess's friend is at Universal Studios and is going to bring her back a wand.

One of the men, Mr Norton, is chuckling.

"You think it'll work?" he asks Jess. Jess grins and starts to say something, but then notices Robbie in the doorframe. Her mouth snaps shut. Then she says primly, "Hi Robbie."

"Have you just … just been down here the whole time?" he asks her, ignoring both Mr Norton and Mr Dalio.

Jess sort of crinkles her nose at him. "Yeah. Where else did you think I'd go?"

"Jess, we came here to see Dad! You were in his room for like _five_ minutes!"

"So what?" she asks flatly.

"So … " He folds his arms and looks at him. He really doesn't want to argue with his sister in front of the residents. "So, you wasted the whole day. I'm ready to go home."

They leave wordlessly. He waits until they're almost back to the house to speak to her. "I don't know why you don't like going to see Dad."

He can't take his eyes off the road, but he hears the frown in her voice. "No, you don't."

"What's wrong with you?" he asks her sharply.

She sort of growls at him. "Just leave me alone, Robbie."

"You - I - no! No, I won't leave you alone," he tells her sternly, a little stupidly. He's not very good at being authoritative in a manner that isn't smothering. "You always act like this when it's time to go and see him. What's the _matter_ with you? He's your father, for God's sake!"

"So what?" she snaps at him.

"So … so – everything!"

In his peripheral vision Jess crosses her arms. "It's not like he remembers me, Robbie! He doesn't remember you, either! You sounded so stupid in there, talking to him like he knows who you are!"

Robbie's stunned. He stays silent.

Jess battles the quiet for a few minutes, and then abruptly continues. "Mom said I didn't have to go anymore if I don't want to! I don't! I don't want to! She hardly ever goes anymore too! You're the only one that sees him! I think you're sick, Robbie!"

"I'm not sick," he snaps at her. He brakes hard at a stop sign.

"Well you're going to make yourself sick! You spend way too much time there! You're the only one of us who still goes!"

"He's your_ dad_!" Robbie yells at her. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"It makes me _feel bad!_" she shouts back, and he hears the strain in her voice. "I don't want to feel bad!"

He doesn't say anything.

In a smaller voice, but still a hard voice, she tells him: "Mom feels bad, too. Why do you think we don't go? What's the point? He doesn't know us anymore. He won't remember. So it doesn't matter. And I don't want it to matter."

He'd always thought she just hadn't cared, hadn't really known what was going on. He hadn't thought she would simply push Dad out. He hadn't thought she would be so cold.

"I think you're a little bitch," he tells her finally. It's one of the first times he's ever used that word, and the first time in her presence.

Jess cries. Robbie pulls into the driveway. She slams her door and doesn't come out for the rest of the day.

* * *

As January fades into February and onwards, he finds himself falling into a pattern.

Mornings are spent avoiding his sister. He's apologized to her three times since he had sworn at her, but he can feel her freezing him out, too. It makes him feel bad. It feels like Mom.

He has to be at school earlier than her, so it's not too hard to avoid seeing her. Sometimes he picks up Jade, sometimes he picks up Tori (occasionally Cat will pick one of them up, but never together). Mostly he gets the luxury of picking up Jade.

Improv. Try to ignore the giggling of Cat and Andre. Sikowitz bellows about the next play he's working on. Too much work in Bio Lab. His lab partner, Chrissy, never takes notes. She runs out of the room when it comes time to dissect their frog. Robbie looks at it sadly. For the past two weeks he's come to give the frog its own personality and history. His name is Tyler. History. Tori gets a B on her report on the Spanish Civil War. She sends Robbie a picture of it up on her fridge at home.

He avoids Andre and Cat, as well. He doesn't set out to do it, but it happens nonetheless. They seem pretty happy, and Robbie's happy for them, but that doesn't mean he has to witness it.

He's found himself spending a lot of time with Jade. Their film script has been approved, and they've been arguing about who's going to play the title character. Robbie can't really be in it, because Jade needs him to man the cameras. The lead who they've finally settled on, Danny, is a sort of smarmy little freshman. He annoys Jade, but she says he has the wholesome sort of look they want. That's probably what annoys her.

Today is the 8th of February. It's a Thursday. Jade's at Robbie's locker, watching him try and fit his Biology book as well as his Statistic book into his messenger bag. He's going to have to switch back to his old bookbag, he thinks dismally, finally giving up and pulling the Stat book out and shouldering the messenger bag. He has to bring home at least two textbooks a night if he wants to keep up on his studies.

Across the hall, Cat gives Andre an Eskimo kiss. Robbie pretends he doesn't see. Jade retches loudly, making him happy.

"Come on, Robot-o," Jade tells him, clapping him on the back. He follows her out of the school, away from Andre and Cat. He drives to her house and she gets out and slams the door shut without looking at him, expecting him to follow. He does.

On their way up the steps, they pass her father's study on the second landing. Her dad is in there, sifting through papers with his glasses atop his head. The gold chain his glasses hang on dangles at the back of his neck. He's a lot older than Robbie has expected. He's almost completely bald, and his face is deeply lined. Robbie can't see a thing of Jade in him.

"Dad, Robbie's here," Jade calls to him.

Mr West smiles at his desk. "Hello," he says quietly to the lamp.

Jade rolls her eyes and they continue up the stairs. "He's shy," she tells Robbie.

They go up to her room. Something whistles.

"Hey!" Jade says sharply, and she goes quickly over to her desk, where there's a small habitat set up. It's blue and green plastic. She taps on it. "Chill out."

"What is that?" Robbie asks with great interest. He peers into the cage. A furry face peeps out of a little stone igloo. "Jade!" he cries. "You got a guinea pig?"

She sends him a small glare. "Yes. I did."

Robbie taps at the plastic side, more gently than she had done. The guinea pig trills some more. "She's so cute!"

"It's a boy," she informs him briskly. "You want to hold him?"

Of course he does.

Jade opens the cage and prods the guinea pig until he comes out and sniffs at her hand. She scoops him up, somewhat carefully.

"Quentin," she actually coos at him.

"Quentin!" Robbie says incredulously. "Why'd you name him that?"

Jade glowers at him. She looks sort of adorable, holding the white-and-black speckled creature tightly against her midsection. "Because that's his name." She deposits the pig into Robbie's hand. Quentin is sort of small, and he trembles a little in Robbie's loose grip. Robbie goes to sit on the bed. Jade doesn't yell at him, so he figures it's all right. He sets Quentin on his lap and strokes the top of the pig's head. Quentin stays still and hoots quietly.

Jade rummages through her bookbag. Then she throws a pen at Robbie's head.

"Hey!" he yelps, ducking unsuccessfully three seconds too late. The pen bounces off her forehead. Quentin whistles in alarm.

"Thanks for leaving me with Tori and the Vomit Squad at lunch today," Jade snaps.

He'd eaten lunch in the library. "Sorry," he says. He remembers Andre and Cat's entwined hands. "It's not you."

"I know _that._" She rolls her eyes.

He rolls his own back at her. "I know you know." He forces himself to say more. "Just … Beck and Ali, Andre and Cat … I dunno. Makes me feel lonely."

Jade snorts. "Yeah, how do I think I feel?"

It's only been five months since she and Beck broke up. Robbie wonders if it's truly "only." It seems forever ago. When he goes through his memories of Jade, most of the ones he likes are recent. But in the scope of the many years of their lives, of the two years she and Beck were together, it's a short time.

"I'm sorry," he says again. He hadn't been thinking of her feelings.

Jade starts to roll her eyes, but she stops mid-way and just sends him a half-glare. Maybe she's hit her eye-roll quotes for the day. She collapses onto her beanbag chair across from him and shifts her own messenger bag out from under her. "Next time do me a favor and feel lonely alongside me and Tori. Torturing you is the only enjoyment I get out of lunch these days. Tori freaks out too much. It's no fun."

"Oh, okay," he says. This is the closest she'll get to admitting that she sort of enjoys his company. He'll take it. Quentin nibbles on his fingers.

"Do you miss Beck?" he asks her.

Jade looks surprised. He waits. "Not really," she says, finally, shaking her black hair out of her eyes. She starts digging through her bag again. "I mean, I guess I miss certain things. But he's happier now."

He wants to ask if she's happier now, too, but he doesn't. He's found that if he doesn't prod, Jade will usually be willing to tell him more.

"It's whatever. I mean, it's been a while. And we were always fighting."

"Yeah," he says. He remembers.

"We fought our whole relationship," she tells him, which he didn't really know. Then he sees her face cloud over, and he knows the subject is closed.

"Jess and I are still fighting," he says instead. Jade looks surprised, but her voice doesn't show it.

"She'll get over it," she tells him. She curls her legs up under her.

"Maybe," he says doubtfully. "I shouldn't have said what I did to her. She just made me so mad."

Jade shrugs. "Well, she's sort of right."

He looks at her, miffed. "What? She said it makes her sad. I wouldn't want to see my mom, not really."

"That's not the same thing," he grumbles.

Jade glares at him. "Yes, I know that." She's gotten a new pen out, and she clicks it at him warningly. "I'm just saying. Plus, she's – what? Twelve, thirteen? She can hold a grudge now. It's a good age."

"Yeah," he says dispassionately. Quentin hoots sympathetically up at him. At least Quentin understands. He probably has a million irritating siblings. Robbie wonders if he misses them. "I just don't know what to do. She's been ignoring me for over a month."

Jade purses her lips. She looks sort of sorry for him. "I don't know what to tell you," she says, shrugging again. "Jeff and I don't fight."

"Really?" he asks in surprise. "You're always yelling at him."

"So what?" she snaps. "That's yelling. That's not fighting."

Robbie supposes that's true.

"Do you want something to drink?" she asks him abruptly.

"Sure."

Jade sort of rolls off of the beanbag and sprawls out on the floor. She uses one hand to prop herself up and the other to push the door open. "_JEFFERSON DANIEL,_" she screams.

A few seconds later, her little brother pops up in the doorway. "Yeah?" he asks her eagerly. He's a short little kid with spiky dark hair. He looks like Sophia. He's also wearing what seems to be a cape.

"Get me and Robbie something to drink," she commands him. "Robbie can't drink anything fun, so get him some water. Please."

"Okay!" he squeaks. He turns and a second later Robbie hears him thundering down the steps.

"Wow," Robbie says. "He just does what you want!"

Jade rolls her eyes. "Yeah, he's a regular eager beaver. Whatever, he owes me right now."

"How come?" Robbie wants to know.

"Oh." Jade looks surprised. "Oh, well … last week he broke Sophia's new vacuum. She's all crazy about it, even though I doubt she knows how to use one. She was real upset, so I just told her I broke it. Since it was me she just lectured for like ten minutes. He'd have gotten grounded."

"Oh," he says in surprise. He can't picture Jade taking the rap for anyone.

She shrugs. "It's whatever. People have been blaming me for shit my whole life." Robbie frowns. "But my dad sort of knew," she says. "He told me I was growing up. That's why he got me Quentin. As a reward." She smirks. "I'm almost an adult now, so I'm allowed to have a pet. But not something cool, like a dog, or a teacup pig."

Robbie laughs a little. "I like him," he says, looking down at Quentin.

"He's all right," Jade allows. "I never was let to have any animals before. My dad's a total germ-o-phobe."

"So is Mom," he tells her, thinking of the emergency hand sanitizer that has been passed down to his car.

Jeff reappears. He hands Robbie some ice water and primly serves Jade a glass of lemonade. He notes that Jeff's given her a straw and also a little wooden pink and blue umbrella. Robbie's glass doesn't have an umbrella.

"Thanks," Jade tells him. "Now shoo."

Jeff leaves obediently.

"Want to watch a movie?" Jade asks. Robbie does, she she instructs him to put the guinea pig back in his cage. Robbie does so as Jade pulls a huge plastic tote out of her closet, filled with DVDs and old tapes. Quentin runs around his habitat and whistles exuberantly. Then he settles back into his igloo.

He and Jade have been watching a lot of movies, to analyze other filmmaker's directive shots. And mostly to goof off.

Jade tries to put in, for the eighth time, _The Scissoring_. Robbie can quote it backwards, and has, much to Jade's glee. Robbie nixes it, though, and she glowers at him, but puts it away without much complaint.

They watch _Pet Sematary._

"The soil of a man's heart, Louis, is stonier," Robbie rumbles along with the old man on scene.

Jade laughs. "Holy shit," she tells him. "That was pretty good, Shapiro. I didn't know you did impersonations so well. Just thought you could make that stupid puppet talk."

Robbie thinks of Rex, a bit guiltily. He hasn't even brought him to school since break has ended. He'd going to have to start practicing with Rex again. After all, ventriloquism is his true craft. The sign-up sheet for the spring showcase is posted up in the main hallway at Hollywood Arts, and Robbie wants to try out.

"There's a lot you don't know about me," he says debonairly, and Jade snorts.

"I'm so sure," she drawls. She slurps her lemonade. The day passes.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

"Last night, as I slathered canola oil on my feet, I was overtaken by a strange visage," Sikowitz booms to the class.

Robbie and Jade exchange a quick glance. They joke about a lot of hypothetical Sikowitz scenarios which start in similar ways. Their latest incantation had involved Sikowitz being possessed by the restless astral projection of a spurned Tina Turner. In a mad rush, he had forced Andre and Beck to sing a high-pitched version of 'Proud Mary' while in full drag-queen-zombie makeup. Robbie hadn't believed Jade that Tina Turner had done a cover of that song. She'd had to take out her laptop and play a live version for him.

"The ghost of Heath Ledger came to me in a dream," the real Sikowitz tells them now. "'Take the directive wrongdoings of my films, Erwin, and right them!' he cried. I shall be writing an updated version of_ Ten Things I Hate About You._"

The whole class just stares.

"You do know that that's really just _The Taming of the Shrew_, right?" Beck asks him from his seat, frowning.

"Silence! Opinionaters will be shunned!"

Next to him, Jade's turning purple. Robbie tries hard not to laugh himself, and lets out a small choked cough.

Sikowitz whirls on him. "Robbie Shapiro, are you offering yourself up as the lead in my new play?"

"Er," Robbie says in great fear.

Sikowitz strokes his beard. "Yes, yes, I can see it, Robbie. You, the lanky underdog, trying to win your lady's affection, but you are constantly thwarted by the crime lords of the night."

"What?" says Tori. "That doesn't happen in _Ten Things I Hate About You_."

Sikowitz waves her away absently. "Why do you never embrace your creative energy, Tori Vega? This is _improvisation_ class." He turns back to Robbie. "Yes, Robbie, you shall play the lead. I will continue writing with you in mind."

Fantastic.

* * *

Everyone sits together at lunch again. Tori's cut her hair a bit shorter, and in a weird fashion choice, she has sort of … curled the edges. He supposes she's always curled her hair, but since it's shorter now, the edges sort of poof out. Robbie thinks it looks okay, but Jade keeps calling her Farrah Fawcett. Tori looks more and more agitated as Jade pesters her repeatedly. She pulls her hair up into a ponytail.

"You can try a disguise, but the angels will always catch the bad guy," Jade drawls. Cat looks confused. Robbie has no idea what she's talking about. Angels? What bad guy?

"Cut it out, Jade," Beck tells her tiredly. He has big bags under his eyes and his hair, shockingly, looks a bit greasy. Robbie wonders what's up with him, but doesn't want to ask in front of everyone. He'll text him later today.

Jade scowls at Beck. "You can't tell me what to do anymore," she snaps.

Beck looks at her darkly. He opens his mouth to respond, but shuts it reluctantly when the rest of the table, sans Jade, give him pleading looks. He lays his head down on his bookbag. Jade looks at him with evil intent.

"Oh," Robbie says to Jade quickly. "I forgot. I got you something." He digs around in his backpack. Jess had demanded take her shopping for new school supplies last night. She'd been silent and dangerous the whole time, ignoring Robbie's helpful offers. She'd scowled at him when he waved a Ginger Fox binder at her.

He pulls out the pack of scissors he's bought. They're the sort with the weird perforated edges that cut automatic designs into the paper. They're full-sized, and have thick plastic handles in purple, blue, green, and yellow.

"Cool," says Jade, successfully distracted from baiting Tori. She pulls a piece of looseleaf from her binder and starts cutting away. "Thanks Robbie." Tori gives Robbie one of her significant looks. Robbie ignores it. He drinks his coconut milk.

"You and that milk," Beck says without looking up. Robbie frowns. Was he slurping?

"Coconut milk aides in memory development," Jade intones, without looking up from her paper.

"Sikowitz says it gives him visions!" Cat burbles.

Robbie thinks of Sikowitz's play, and groans. Tori and Andre grin.

"That's because he laces his with LSD," Jade snidely tells no one in particular. She puts a cut-out design on top of Robbie's flattened lunch sack. It looks like a butterfly. Or a cat that's been run over, repeatedly.

"Do you really think that?" Cat frowns.

"I don't think Sikowitz does drugs," Andre says doubtfully.

Jade snorts. "Are you kidding me? Have you ever met anyone on drugs? Yes, you have, because Sikowitz is."

"Have you ever met anyone that does drugs?" Cat asks her, looking interested.

"How's your brother, Cat?" Robbie says to her quickly. Cat brightens. She starts telling them all about her brother's new maintenance job at Northridge Elementary. Robbie thinks that having Michael around small, impressionable children is a very, very bad idea.

Jade lays another paper cutout on his bookbag. This one looks like two elephants holding trunks. Robbie puts them in his binder.

* * *

The pattern changes a little bit. Jade finally gets the money to get her car fixed – her dad will get her anything she wants, as long as she puts up forty percent.

"That's sort of weird," Robbie says. "_Everything?_"

They're standing outside in Jade's huge backyard that afternoon, filing their fifth scene for 'The Sun Dog.' Robbie has enlisted SinJin van Cleef to help with sound editing (Jade was unhappy, but eventually accepted that he was the only man for the job), and SinJin is currently filming the neighbor's black dog, Grizzly, as he sniffs along the fence.

Grizzly is sort of hyperactive, and had drooled all over Robbie's car, and also jumped up to ride shotgun halfway through the ride to Jade's house. Whenever he sees new faces, he snort of crinkles his massive jowls up and snorts a lot. It's rather terrifying. The Thompsons say he's smiling. Earlier, he'd spun in a frantic circle and peed on SinJin's foot. Jade had documented it on film. "Blooper reel," she'd said.

"Well, aside from Hollywood Arts. But if there's a book I want to buy for school or anything, I have to give him the forty. Sometimes I just pay for it myself." Jade shrugs. She's wearing her huge black sunglasses again. Robbie knows she does it solely to irriate him – the sky has been overcast all day.

"That's weird," Robbie frowns again. His mother's always paid for school supplies.

Jade looks bored. "He's a weird dude. Jeff gets whatever he wants, but he's just a kid." Robbie thinks it's sad that Jade didn't get whatever she wanted as a kid. And now she has to pay for forty percent of her horrible summer reading and forty percent of her car's timing belt and shocks. "Stop frowning, Shapiro. It's only bad because you know I like expensive things."

"How do you get this money?" Robbie asks. "Do you have a job? You never mention one."

Jade glowers at him. She glares at SinJin filming across the yard, then finally turns her glance back to Robbie.

"I do website design," she tells him.

"Really?" he cries.

She snarls at him. "What, you don't think I'm smart enough to do that?"

"No," he backpedals quickly. "Just doesn't seem like something you're into."

She glares at him some more. "Well, I had a lot of time to spare in middle school. Sometimes it pays pretty well. Lately it's been really slow, but I just finished a whole layout for some website that sells remodeled surf boards. So I have money again."

"That's really cool," he tells her honestly. He'd never thought of Jade as being someone who was into computers, though it makes some sense because she does like film editing a lot. And of course she'd be wonderful at whatever it is she tries to do.

Jade signs, looking aggrieved. "I knew you'd think so. That's why I didn't tell you. I think it's boring, but it's easy for me."

"So cool," he says again. She rolls her eyes hard at him and turns to scream at SinJin.

* * *

Sikowitz finishes his play. There's a scene where Robbie has to swing onto set on a rope and wrestle Beck down in a headlock while wearing a superhero costume. He's Ratman. Sikwitz intones him to speak in a gravely voice. Robbie just uses his old-man-from-northern-Maine accent, a la _Pet Sematary_. Jade laughs hysterically.

Cat plays lead opposite him.

She's his lady love, and is always running from the scene right before Robbie can unmask and reveal himself, and also ask her to prom. Tori plays her ditzy sister whom Robbie rescues from a gang of looters, as well as a pack of feral dogs. Sikowitz is certainly taking a lot of liberties with teen romance movies and also _The Dark Knight._

Robbie is overwhelmingly dismayed to see that the last scene includes an on-screen kiss between himself and Cat, when she finally pulls his mask off under a waterfall and sees that he's not in fact the town sheriff, but the scrawny exchange-student who's transferred in from a made-up country. Cat giggles at the script. Robbie tries not to faint.

He's never kissed a girl before, not even for a play. His sophomore year, he and Trina had had a kissing scene, but Trina had caterwauled and complained so much that Sikowitz had simply rewrote it to include an intimate handshake. He doesn't think Sikowitz will rewrite this one. It's his life's greatest work, apparently.

"What am I supposed to do?" he squawks at Jade for the umpteenth time. "I can't kiss Cat! In front of everyone! I can't do that! I've never kissed anyone!"

"Really?" Jade asks him with interest. She leans forward on the counter, leans towards him. "You've never kissed someone?"

They're in Jade's kitchen, taking a break from filming. They had set up their camera's in one of Jade's father's studies (he has three studies – one for his work on string theory, another for his pro bono lawyer cases, and another, far up on the third floor, which appears to be solely for avoiding Jade, Jefferson, and his wife) and are working with Danny on the scene where the boy puts together all of the photos of the rabid dog, Grizzly. Danny is cocky and keeps ad-libbing in new lines.

He and Jade had gotten into a huge fight, Jade shrieking at him because the whole point of the project was to keep the story true to dialogue. Danny had asked her where her creative energy was being kept, up in her bra of ice? Jade had come at him with a letter opener. It had taken Robbie nearly five minutes to convince her to let go of Danny's neck and to come downstairs for a fifteen-minute break. Danny is still upstairs, sulking and probably going through her father's physics work.

Now, Robbie turns faintly crimson. "Oh, come on. You know that!" When she raises her eyebrows, he says, "When would I have possibly kissed someone and have had you not know about it and ridicule me?"

"Oh." Jade chews her lip. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Robbie groans. "My life is ending. Andre is going to beat me to a pulp."

Jade laughs at him. "Only if your kiss sends sparks down the stage and makes him think you're competition," she tells him.

Robbie frowns dismally at her.

"Sorry," Jade tells him, not very sincerely. "You aren't still hung up on Cat, are you?" She starts taking out glasses from the cabinet and roots around in the huge steel fridge.

"Not really," he tells her honestly. "It's just … embarrassing. I'd rather not have Cat be my first kiss, and especially have it be a stage kiss!"

"Yeah, that is rough," Jade commiserates to the fridge. She finally pulls out a big bottle of orange-mango juice. She frowns at it thoughtfully before pouring a glass.

"What if my breath smells?" he asks her suddenly.

Jade rolls her eyes. "Don't worry, your breathe always smells," she says loftily. "In fact, your whole person reeks of nerd. I'm sure Cat's noticed by now." She sips doubfully at the orange-mango, then seems to find it suitable, and fills her glass almost to the brim.

Robbie frowns again, ignoring her. "Well, I can't smell like nerd when I kiss Cat! Or what if I bit her? What if I spit on her? I can't spit on someone for a first kiss!"

Jade snorts a little, pouring a second glass, then a third. "You need to chill out, Shapiro. You're going to give yourself a heart attack. And me an aneurysm."

"I can't help it! I'd rather have a heart attack. Do you think Sikowitz will have me recite lines from my hospital bed."

Jade grins. "I hope so."

Robbie sighs at her. "Jade. I can't do this."

She rolls her eyes again! She clearly does not see the urgency of Robbie's predicament. "You're making too big a deal of it. It's not a real kiss."

"That's not the point!" he squawks. "The point is - "

Jade comes around the counter and stands before him, glaring. Robbie looks at her, flustered. "The point is, I can't kiss Cat. She can't take my kiss virginity! She's not - "

Jade sort of growls at him, then leans forward, and she _kisses him._ The entire room tilts.

It lasts maybe five seconds. Her mouth is kind of sticky from her deep red lip stain, and she tastes like that, and a bit like orange-mango. She's caught Robbie mid-sentence, so his lips are half-parted. She gently closes her lips over his bottom one. He thinks she actually sucks a little on his bottom lip, but he's too busy noting the room spinning to really notice. Up so close, he can count every speckle of black glitter on her eyelids. She smells like soap and smoke and clean shampoo.

Then it's over, and she pulls back. "There you go," she says simply.

Robbie stares at her with his mouth hanging out. "You – why did you – you just – why did you do that?" he cries.

Jade rolls her eyes for a third time, backing up and going back around the counter to pick up her glass. "Now you don't have to worry about Cat."

"You can't just walk up and kiss someone like that!" he squeaks. "I wasn't ready!"

"Oh, would you have prepared and allowed me had I told you?"

"I – no!"

"Oh, so you don't want to kiss me!" she hollers. "I'm so disgusting!"

"Arg!" yelps Robbie. "No, of course I w – you! You're crazy! I can't believe you did that!"

Jade laughs at him. "Oh, calm down. I just solved your problem, didn't I? Now quit freaking out."

She's right, he supposes. But now, how is he ever to compare Cat's lips to Jade's orange-mango-flavored ones? His heartbeat echos loudly in his head.

"I guess so," he says doubtfully. He chews his bottom lip.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Jade says drolly, then hands him a glass of juice. "Now let's stop talking about it."

"And do what?" he asks, waggling his eyebrows at her.

She snorts loudly. "You're disgusting. Come on, I don't want Daniel Tosh upstairs breaking my dad's molecular structure maps."

He follows Jade down the hall. His head spins. As usual, she continues to change everything about his world.

**AN: I haven't been writing much about Robbie's father, have I? I've been wanting to show that Robbie is now getting a life outside of his father. Also, you should all know that I work at a nursing home part time (they pay for part of my school!), and while it's nowhere near as nice as the one I've dreamed up for Robbie's father, I can guarantee that his father's condition totally sucks as much as I'm portraying it. Also I use a lot of things that the residents and I talk about for fodder in this story. So last chapter, with Jess talking to the two old dudes about Harry Potter? Yeah, that was actually 22 year old me telling them about getting a wand. They were watching Deathly Hallows in their room.**

**I know you guys are still wondering about Robbie's real Christmas gift for Jade! Well, you'll see a lot more rough shit for Robbie go down in the next few chapters, but it's not forgotten. Don't forget her birthday is far off in MAY. And jewelry is also a good thing to give pretty girls as an apologyy. Just sayin'.**

**Cenobite, thanks as always for catching my mistake! You're totally right, Jade would not giggle with Andre. How do I make these mistakes? Please continue pointing them out!**

**Why the hell did I name Jade's brother Jeff? Now we have Jade, Jess, and Jeff. All four-lettered J names. Why. Why. Anyway, this is a short little chapter, but I think I've got the story moving along quite nicely. Hopefully you're all pleased by the ending. :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

As February creeps onward, the weather takes a dismal turn. The sky roils in blacks and greys and thunder crashes. The lights flicker at school. Cat hides in the janitor's closet; Robbie's hair fluffs disturbingly.

It's been raining for a week straight.

During this period, Jade and Robbie watch a lot of movies. They watch _The Sixth Sense_. Robbie hides under Jade's purple blanket, and cries a little in fear. Jade is so pleased. They watch _Pay It Forward_. They watch _Forrest Gump_. They watch _Artificial Intelligence_. Robbie cries, again. This time Jade's less pleased. They watch _Secondhand Lions._

Robbie is beginning to suspect Jade has a thing for Haley Joel Osment. He doesn't know what to do with this information.

She hasn't seen fit to mention their kiss to him, or to anyone else, for that matter, and he stays mum as well. He's still unsure about how he feels about the whole thing, and he's unsure about _feeling_ unsure. Eventually, he files it away, too, as Jade seems to have done.

Can it really mean nothing to her?

Robbie's always been very guarded with his affections. He supposes that, as a child, it had been easier for him, back when his father was still around to hug him, ruffle his hair, put band-aids on his skinned knees. Since he had been gone, touching – these expressions of caring - had become mostly unnecessary. His mother's made sure of that.

He's still a little gobsmacked that Jade, Jade of all people, had put herself willingly into his personal space. Not only that, it was more than a hug, or a touch to his arm or shoulder, more than an embrace. They had, in some miniscule form, exchanged _saliva_. Why would you trade bodily fluids with someone you didn't want to, especially if you weren't being forced to kiss onstage under a water fall by a demented professor?

Okay, so maybe he hasn't entirely put it away yet. It's definitely in a file-folder in his brain, but one that is near the top, unlocked, and he can rifle through it when he sees fit.

They're in Jade's room again. Jessica is still ignoring Robbie, and sort of, by extension, Jade, as well. The Shapiro home is as dark as the weather outside. Jade doesn't object when Robbie asks her if they can hang out at her house for the afternoon. They aren't doing any filming today – it's too gray out, not the atmosphere they want – but she accepts wordlessly and thoughtlessly that they're going to be spending the day together regardless.

He guesses that she's running low on her arsenal of Haley Joel Osment movies, for today they're watching the TV mini-series of Stephen King's _It. _Robbie definitely hasn't read that book – it's over a thousand pages, but Jade says it's one of her favorites, so Robbie lets her put it in. Compromise isn't hard for him when it comes to Jade. He's beginning to understand her moods, when it's appropriate to joke with her, and when she'll throw heavy objects at him for opening his mouth. He doesn't mind. It's good to have a friend who is willing to tell him point-blank when he's being irritating. That's one of Robbie's worst fears – being unliked, and being clueless about it.

Quentin hoots up at them from where he's burrowing on the floor.

Robbie leans off of the edge of Jade's bed and pets him. "Do you think he's getting sort of fat?" he asks Jade.

"He is not getting fat!" she snaps at him. "He's just, I don't know, husky or something. He eats a lot of lettuce. I dunno, maybe it's water weight." She glares down thoughtfully at Quentin. "He is not fat," she repeats, almost sullenly.

She's very defensive about Quentin, Robbie notes. He wonders if she sees him as sort of an extension of herself, just as he feels about Rex. She reaches down and scoops the pig up and deposits him on her lap. Quentin whistles with contentment as Jade scratches his tiny white ears. Onscreen, Tim Curry screams and laughs. Robbie can't believe the film had been made twenty years ago. He thinks Seth Green looks exactly the same today.

Jade turns the volume down a little. "So is your sister still pissed at you?" she asks.

Robbie's a bit taken aback. It's pretty rare that Jade ever asks after him in any regard.

"Yeah, she is," he admits slowly. "I just – I'm giving up, I guess. She can be mad at me until she stops being mad."

Jade frowns thoughtfully. She strokes down Quentin's back with one dark fingernail. "What's your mom say about it?"

Robbie laughs before he can help himself. "Yeah, like I've seen her this month."

"Oh," is all Jade says. Her eyebrows go up in surprise.

He catches himself. There's no way to rein in that statement, take it back, he sees. "She just, you know, she works a lot," he mumbles.

"Yeah." Jade purses her lips and looks at the screen. "It sucks. My dad works a lot, too. So does Sophia. They're idiots for having a kid."

"How come you hate your step-mom?" Robbie asks before he can help himself.

Jade glares at him, but it's not her patented, blank glare that she gives to everything. This one is realer, more private. He doesn't know if he should be pleased or not - after all, it's still not a pleasant look. After a few moments she turns back to the guinea pig.

"I don't _hate_ her," she mutters finally. "She's just – you know, she's not my mom. You wouldn't understand."

Robbie's indignant. "Why not?"

Jade shrugs. "Look, I know your dad is like … not … well. But, you know, there's no one there that's taken his place. Sophia's not my mom, she'll never be, and it bugs me when she tries and acts like it."

"Oh," is all he can offer.

Jade frowns down at Quentin. "Did you know that my dad – he, Jeff, and Sophia, they all have October birthdays."

"Really?" That must be hard, having to buy three sets of gifts in one month. He doesn't really know where else she's going with that.

"Yeah. Sophia's on the 12th, Jeff is on the 15th. My dad is the 22nd. They're all really close to each other. I call them the three libras – you know, like the Perfect Circle song?"

Robbie doesn't know.

Jade waves a hand at him. "It's a good song. Well, that's what I call them. Sophia thinks it's cute." She's silent for a long moment.

"I don't … " He tries again. "What do you mean?"

"It's sort of stupid," she says, staring decisively at the screen.

"You can tell me," he presses. "I'm stupid, remember? My face is stupid."

He sees the ghost of a smile on her face, and it makes him feel warm, watching the edges of her red mouth crinkle up slightly.

"There's not too much to it," she says, and he watches as that smile fades. "Sometimes it's like … well, it's, you know, just the three of them. They're a group together. Then there's me. I feel like – well, alone. I came along after Sophia. I'm not supposed to be here."

"Of course you are!" Robbie tells her. "Where else would you be?"

Jade shrugs. "It used to make me feel so shitty. I never felt like I belonged here, you know? They'd all be happier without me."

Robbie can understand that. He can understand that _every day_.

"I know what you mean," he says. "I mean ... I know we aren't the same. But my mom – well, you only met her that one time, but it's like – I don't know. That's how she is all the time. It's just me. Maybe I remind her of my father. I feel like if I were gone, maybe she could just, like … get on with her life. She does this face at me all the time - " he explains the droopy-lips frown of _why-and-how-are-you-my-son? _- "it's like, she forgets me, and then when she sees me, she's reminded, and she has to make that face. Or something."

Jade laughs. "Oh, yeah. My dad has a face like that, definitely. We should introduce them. They can drink red wine and use big words to talk about what failures we are."

"My mom likes scotch," he tells her, grinning a little.

"Oh, god, she's one of those?" Jade says, and snorts and laughs some more. Robbie doesn't know which one of 'those' his mother is, but he's sure Jade is probably correct in her private assessment, and anyway, it is good to see her laughing.

"I think you belong here," he tells her, firmly, boldly.

She just looks at him.

"Your brother, like, adores you," Robbie tells her. "And your father got you Quentin, right?"

"I guess so." Jade spares another glance at the tiny animal.

"I'm not – not saying I think you're, um, like, wrong for thinking those things or anything. I'm just saying – oh, well, actually, I do think you're wrong, I guess. Um. I think that you, where you are, is just fine."

Jade just raises her eyebrows. "Thanks, Shapiro," is all she says. She doesn't even make fun of his incoherency. She doesn't punch him. She doesn't throw anything at him. Nor does she even make jokes about his hair (Monday had gotten so bad that he'd had to use on of his days on her). He has, he thinks, made her happy. He basks in it.

* * *

The weekend comes. Robbie eats breakfast in the bright kitchen all by himself. Jess had left before he'd even gotten up – immensely early for her, a possible signal of the oncoming apocalypse. It's incredible, the lengths she is going through to avoid him at all costs. It hurts.

He thinks of his father. He thinks of Jess spitting at him, _I think you're _sick,_ Robbie._

He calls Beck instead.

Beck isn't altogether thrilled to be woken up at nine-fifteen in the morning, but he gets over it easily enough. They chat for a few minutes about the new Galaxy Wars movie, and Beck invites him over. They hang out in his RV and listen to Beck's new-old favorite band. He's stolen the records from his dad's room. Robbie listens to the guitar strings pluck and the singer wailing about some lady's big hands and how she's the one. Robbie gets past the boss for Beck in Kingdom Hearts. He warns Beck that he isn't going to get the ending he wants, because he hadn't been able win the race and name his raft in the beginning.

"It's not my fault the stupid controller is old," Beck grumbles. "I beat that guy eventually." Robbie smiles.

Around noon, Jade calls him. He watches Beck carefully as he answers the phone.

"So, I have a problem," Jade tells him.

"What sort of problem?" he asks warily. He's not going to help her pull socks out of the vacuum cleaner again. He'd sneezed for hours afterwards, and Jade had just laughed. The thanks he gets.

"You know how I told you Quentin is a boy?" Jade muses.

"Yee-es?"

"Well, I guess not, because now there's four of him."

"He had babies?" Robbie squeals. Beck looks at him oddly.

"Yeah. Well, I Bing'd it (Jade has a completely improbable and unyielding hate for Google), and I guess he – she – was, like, pregnant when I got him ... her. Apparently they can start mating when they're, like, a week old or some shit."

"Are you serious?" he cries. "Well, how old are they now?"

"I don't know – he wouldn't come out of his igloo for like three days. I told you he wasn't too fat to come out! They've, like, already got fur and stuff. I need to separate them, I think."

"I'll come over," he tells her. "We have some old fish tanks in the garage. We can put them in there. Don't let them start having sex!"

Jade affirms, and they hang up.

"I've got to go!" he tells Beck. "There's a crisis."

"_Who_ had babies?" Beck demands.

"Oh – Jade's guinea pig. We thought he had a thyroid problem."

"Jade's _what?_" cries Beck in disbelief.

"We can't let them continue breeding!" Robbie tells him frantically. He's pulling on his hoodie and stepping into his Adidas. "I can't see how this is healthy. God, Quentin is an unwed teenaged mother!" He trips a little over Beck's trash can as he leaves.

Beck just stares at him with his mouth open. "So I guess I'll see you at ... school," he calls doubtfully to Robbie's disappearing form.

There are three babies. They are the size of tiny mice, and are sort of still shaped like kidney beans. Jade has let one roam free on the ground, and is holding the other two in her lap. "They haven't been humping," she tells him. "I think they're still too young."

The babies hoot and whistle and hide under the bed when Robbie steps into the room.

They get the kids set up in the tiny plastic tanks Robbie has brought over. After some cajoling on Robbie's part, he and Jade load the them into Robbie's car and drive them to the animal hospital. The vet looks unimpressed as he looks over Quentin and his – her - children.

"It is hard to differentiate the sexes," he tells Jade and Robbie. "Well, now you have a family. These three are females, the same as the mother, so you don't have to worry. Keep them together for a few more days and then take them out. Otherwise they'll suck her dry." Robbie makes a horrified face at Jade, who frowns and strokes Quentin protectively.

"Three bitches," she sighs as they settle back into Robbie's Honda. Robbie laughs.

The kids are tiny and adorable. One is black-and-white speckled like Quentin ("Quilla," Robbie suggests thoughtfully. Jade gags at him), and the other two are multicolored, brown and white with gray and black patches. Robbie coos at them and uploads a thousand pictures to The Slap. Beck likes them all.

He shows the pictures to Tori, Cat, and Andre at lunch on Monday. "So sweet," Tori giggles.

Jade glares at her. "You can't have any."

Beck names them Stephanie, DJ, and Michelle. Alison and Jade rolls their eyes in tandem. They're getting good at that.

"That means you're Uncle Joey," Beck tells Robbie, grinning. Great. "He has a puppet, too!" Beck defends. "I mean, it's a woodchuck, but still. It's very fitting."

"Who can I be?" Andre asks, frowning.

None of them can think of a black man that's ever been on Full House. Andre sulks.

* * *

It's a good week. He works a long shift on Wednesday, the monotony broke up by texts from Cat and the pictures of the kids that Jade sends him. When he gets home, he studies his lines for Sikowitz's play. Andre calls him to try and make him tell his grandmother that Jesus was Jewish.

"He was not!" he hears her screaming. "He was a decent black man!"

"I don't think I can get into this," he tells Andre, who probably doesn't hear him because he's too busy screaming back at his grandmother.

"Crazy," he informs Robbie.

The next day is much of the same. When he comes home from filming at Jade's house late that night, the house is deadly silent. He frowns up the stairs. "Jessie?" He calls doubtfully. All the nights had been out when he'd pulled up and parked in the driveway. He troops into her room. She's not there. He checks the dark living room and his mother's study, anyway.

Something heavy falls into his stomach. It's mid-week. It's nearly ten. Where is his sister?

He does the only thing he can think of – he calls his mother. The ringtone takes him to voicemail after the second buzz, and Robbie's filled with a sudden and insurmountable fury – she's pressed ignore to his call! He calls her back again - once, twice. The third time, she answers on the first ring.

"Robert?" she asks doubtfully, as if someone else would possibly be trying to contact her on his phone at close to ten at night.

"Mom!" he says. "Mom, I can't find Jess!"

"What do you mean, you can't find her sister?" she asks. He can hear the frown in her tone, can picture her lips drooping down at her.

"I mean she's _not home_," he tells her pointedly.

"Oh," is all she says. His mother sighs. Robbie huffs at her impatiently.

"Have you called her phone?" she asks him.

"Of course I have! What do you think I am, stupid? I know we don't use carrier pigeons anymore."

"There's not need to be smart with me," his mother says absently, coldly. "Robbie, she left me a message earlier. She's sleeping over at Elizabeth's. Her parents are taking them to school in the morning."

"Oh." He doesn't know what else to say. He hadn't thought to call over at Lizzie's house. It's freaking Thursday, Jess should know that she can't sleep over at a friend's house on a school night! And since when does she tell their mother anything? Probably since she's decided to overthrow the rest of Robbie's rules.

"Is that all?" Mom asks.

"Um … I guess so. Just … are you coming home tonight?" he asks haltingly.

There's a long pause, and the phone line crinkles, like Mom is adjusting it, or covering the phone with her hand.

"Mom?" he asks.

"Oh … oh, well, I don't know. I could be home before dawn, but I'll probably have to leave soon after to go back to work." The phone crackles again.

"Mom – hey, where are you?" he demands.

There's a long pause. Now he realizes that he can hear background noise, the soft chatter of people's voices. Something clinks nearby. "I'm eating dinner."

"At ten o'clock?" he cries, surprised.

Another lengthy silence. The phone gives forth that muffled noise again, and he hears his mother say softly, "No, just my son."

"_Mom!_" he yells, trying to pull her attention back to him. Not that he's ever really had it. Ever. "Are you out with someone?"

"I am … having drinks with a colleague," she tells him slowly, demurely.

Over the line, he hears a man say something in a questioning tone.

Robbie doesn't understand.

"Are you … with a guy?" Honestly, he's hit puberty over a year ago. His voice shouldn't be so high-pitched any longer.

"What does that matter?" his mother asks, sounding irritated. He thinks she covers the phone with her hand again.

"Are you on a date?" he cries frantically.

"_What?_ Robert, lower your voice, for god's sake! I nearly dropped the phone just now."

"Mom, are you on a freaking date? Are you out having drinks with some guy?"

She doesn't answer for a moment, and Robbie breathes heavily into the phone. Then she says, "William, my coworker – he's helping me with the case I'm working on. We've taken a break from it, we're at a tavern outside of - "

"Oh, a tavern, excuse me, I thought you were just eating dinner," he tells her snidely.

"Robbie, don't use that tone with me," she warns. Her voice has taken on that dangerous edge.

"I don't have a tone," he snaps. "This is just the voice I use when I find out my adulterous mother's on a freaking date with one of her underlings."

"Firstly, he is not an underling. Secondly, you don't understand what you are- "

"Does he know that you're married?" Robbie bellows. He somehow finds it in him to raise his voice even more, and he yells, "She's _married!_"

"Robert!" his mother hisses. "Control yourself!"

"Say it's not a date," he says hotly. "Tell me you're not on a date! Or you'll just lie again I guess."

"Dear lord," his mother sighs. Off to the side, he hears her say, "Excuse me for a moment, Billy."_ Billy? BILLY? _A moment ago it had been William.

"Who's Billy?" he demands.

"Robert, you need to calm down," she snaps at him. "Your behavior is appalling."

"_Are you on a god damn date or not?_" Robbie roars.

His mother is quiet. Then she says, "Listen to me, Robert, you don't understand. You can't know what this is like for me. You - "

"Why won't you just tell me yes or no?"

She doesn't say anything.

"Oh my god!" he yells. "You – you're – you're unbelievable! What about Dad?"

"Your father - "

"Oh my god!" he just yells again.

"Robert! You need to stop!"

"_You_ need to stop!" he yells back. "I can't believe you're doing this! You're freaking married! Did you forget that? Or are you just losing your mind too?"

"No, I have not forgotten that," she hisses. "I am very aware, every day, of the fact that my husband, who is only forty-two years old, does not remember my existence."

"Well you should remember his," Robbie says nastily. "I can't believe you."

"It's not as if I am running around sleeping with the whole town! Robbie, this is all very new to me. What do you expect me to do? Wait forever? Should I sit and hold your father's hand every day as he asks me who I am?"

Robbie's head is spinning, spinning hard. He can only catch half of her words. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. What is she talking about?

"Mom … " he says slowly, and his voice is hoarse from screaming. "Did you say … are you – are you _sleeping_ with this guy?"

"Robert - "

"I can't believe you," he says flatly.

His mother hisses into the phone. Then she says, "Robbie, I am not discussing this any more over the phone. I can come home if you'd like - "

"Don't bother," he tells her, and the words coming out and slow, like molasses, and clumsy. "Don't come home. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. Mom, you're … you're a _whore._"

He hangs up on her.

He looks at the phone in his hand. He throws it against the wall. It hits with a loud _crack!_ and splits down the side, the rear cover falling off. It leaves a small dent in the wall. Robbie stares at that for a long time, then, with a hard sweep of his arm, he knocks everything off of the living room desk. He throws the chair, too, for good measure.

He goes upstairs, pulling all of the pictures of the wall – pictures of himself, his mother, his father, pictures of Jess – and tossing them haphazardly to the floor. When he reaches his room he enters and slams the door hard – once, twice, three times. It doesn't make him feel any better, so he crosses the floor and throws himself down on his bed. He rips his glasses off his face and chucks him across the room. They land somewhere in the darkness with a soft _clink_.

He stays awake for a long time, fuming. He's still awake and furious by the time dawn rolls around.

His mother doesn't come home as she's said.

**AN: Aaaand here we go!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

He's in Jade's room again.

She's repainted her walls, he supposes, and they are a dark, cerulean blue, the color her eyes can be sometimes. Jade's eyes change colors, he's noticed. She's a kaleidoscope. Strictly, her irises are blue, but they can be light or dark; sometimes they look jet-green, sometimes a murky moss color. Once he's even seen brown flecks in them.

Not that he cares about such things, you must understand.

Anyway, he's in Jade's room, and the sky outside of her windows is completely indeterminable to him. Or it would be, if he was looking out the windows, but he isn't, because Jade is standing in front of him, talking, and he's watching the absolutely, absolutely incredible way her lips move to form the words that she's saying to him.

He is sitting on her bed. She's speaking to him. "Do you know what I mean, Robbie?" she is asking, and she starts to unbutton her blouse. It's black and there is lace on the sleeves. It's her favorite shirt, and she wears it a lot. She undoes the first five buttons and then she looks up at him.

"Do you know what I mean, Robbie?" she asks him again.

"Yes," he tells her, and he totally and completely understands what she means. "Yes, I do."

She undoes the last button and she shrugs out of her blouse. She's looking at him. Her eyes are ultraviolet. She puts her hand on his belt buckle. She -

And then Robbie's alarm clock goes off and rips him out of this dream.

Robbie's eyes pop open. He's flat on his back, it is morning, and he is in his own bed, and definitely not Jade's. He kicks the tangled sheets from his legs and he lays staring at the ceiling for a few long moments, counting the specks on the tiles and listening to the loud and unending drone of his alarm.

Eventually, when his heart has started working properly again, he sits up and turns off his alarm. It's a quarter to seven. He resets his alarm clock and scrubs his hands through his hair, hard. A quick glance out the window tells him that his mother is gone, having left for work already, or perhaps never came home at all.

Robbie pads down the hallway into the bathroom, where he brushes his teeth and then starts the shower. He jerks himself off forcefully and quickly and he absolutely does not think of Jade, or her mouth, or her eyes, or her multicolored hair, not at all. It sort of works, he reassures himself guiltily.

He's running a bit late, so he gets dressed in a mad rush and dashes to his car, starting the engine quickly. Nirvana blares through the car and he sings along absently as he turns into the interstate.

At Hollywood Arts, he finds Jade, glaring surreptitiously at everyone as she holds a steaming cardboard cup of coffee in one hand and scarfs down a bagel with her other. He wants to tease her and ask her what happened to her claims of not eating breakfast, but the first bell has just rung, and he's not sure he's prepared to look her in the eyes yet.

She comes up next to him and watches skeptically as he paws through his locker, frowning and wondering just what exactly he had done with his Bio notebook. The second bell dings sharply, and he gives up, closing his locker quietly.

Jade stuffs the rest of her bagel in his mouth. "You were staring," she tells him. He eats the bagel, even though he shouldn't and his stomach will hurt later. They walk into Sikowitz's classroom together silently.

Robbie reads through his lines with Beck and Cat half-heartedly. Over the script he's holding, Beck catches Robbie's eye and frowns thoughtfully at him. Robbie knows that he's been acting weird since last week. He hadn't even called Beck back over the weekend or anything. Right now Beck is giving Robbie his "Let's talk" face. Robbie looks elsewhere.

* * *

He hasn't told anyone about what he had found out last week, speaking to his mother on the phone. Who could he tell? If he were to tell them one thing, he would have to tell them all of it. The only person he could possibly speak to about it would be Jade, but he just can't seem to bring it up.

Anyway, he's decided, talking about it won't help anything, anyway. It's not going to change the fact that his mother is a liar. Whenever Robbie enters the house now, and she isn't home, he wonders where she is. He wonders if she's working, or if she's out and about with her new boyfriend. How long has she been with him? All those long night hours that he'd thought she slept in her office - she could have been with him. Lying. He doesn't want to know.

He doesn't know his mother at all. Maybe he doesn't know anything at all.

He throws himself in his schoolwork. He works extra hard and stays late at the furniture warehouse. He and Jade film nearly half of their movie in five days. They just need to shoot the scenes with Sikowitz as the pawn shop owner who discovers the camera.

He keeps quiet. At lunch, he doesn't contribute. He can feel Jade's eyes on him, but he keeps his glued to the table.

He feels like he's lost in his thoughts. He wonders if his sister has known about his mother and her colleague. She had called Mom to let her know of her whereabouts. She has always been closer to their mother than Robbie, and now he is remembering the resentment he had felt when he was small. He wonders if they talk about other things. He wonders if they talk about him. He wonders what they say.

Jade's waving her scissors in his face. "Do you know what I mean, Robbie? Hey, Shapiro!"

He turns about fourteen different shades of red in five seconds. "What?" he squeaks.

Jade rolls her eyes. "What's with you lately?"

He stares at her. He doesn't particularly think she'd like to hear that his mother is apparently a free-swinging philanthropist. He also doubts that Jade want to hear about the four increasingly explicit and sexual dreams he's had about her since Sunday night.

"Just thinking," he says.

Jade rolls her eyes again. "Tell Tori she's stupid," she instructs him.

"Why is Tori stupid?" he asks.

Tori huffs. She's got her hair up in a ponytail again. She's wearing the octopus shirt he's bought her, he notes, pleased. "A spring fling dance is not stupid!" she says in exasperation. "This school has no spirit. Jade, I'm clearing the schedule with you first this time!"

"Dances are stupid," Jade informs her.

"They are not!"

"Yes they are."

"You – you're stupid!"

"Good one," Jade says wryly.

Tori turns to him and whines. "Rob-_bie!_"

"Ah," he says. He doesn't know why Tori seems to think that he can control Jade. Beck never could, and she's liked him way more than she likes Robbie, he thinks.

"God, you haven't even been paying attention," Tori pouts.

"I'm sorry," he tells her contritely.

"I'm not." Jade smiles insincerely.

"Robbie!"

"What!"

"Make her stop being mean!"

Robbie stares. "I can't make Jade do anything!"

Jade pats him on the head. "That's right. Robbie's job is solely to contribute with financial support for the children."

"Oh." He turns to her. "How are the kids doing, anyway?"

"You would know if you ever came by to see them," she says snidely.

He'd been over yesterday.

They enjoy talking about the three guinea pigs as a divorced couple would speak of their children. They enjoy it so much it's nearly overtaken the ridiculous scenarios they come up with for what Sikowitz does in his spare time. Nearly.

"Have they been acting out?" Talking like this, silly stuff, this is easy for him.

Jade waves a hand. "No moreso than usual. You know how teenagers are."

"Do you - "

"Hey!" cries Tori. "I wasn't done _talking!_"

"You never are," Jade mutters. She pops open the tab on her pineapple soda.

"How can you drink that stuff?" Robbie asks, wrinkling his nose.

"What? Delicious soda?"

"Gross soda," Robbie says sourly. Jade smirks at him and sips through her straw. Her lips are a deep red. Robbie stares.

Tori hits him on the shoulder. "You'll go to the dance, right, Robbie?"

"Sure," he says, not moving.

"And you'll make Jade go?"

"Ah," he says again.

Jade narrows her eyes into dangerous slits. "Not going to your stupid dance, Vega!"

"Aw, come on!" Tori's voice is rising. He wonders how she can't know that Jade only does what she does to bug her. If Tori would stop getting so flustered, Jade would probably act very nearly pleasant.

He listens to the girls argue. He eats his chicken salad. He doesn't holler when Tori spills Jade's pineapple soda all over him, gesturing wildly with her arms. Jade does, though.

* * *

That Saturday as he's sitting in his room, missing his sister, Cat calls him up out of the blue.

"What are you doing today, Robbie?" she asks him.

"Oh – sitting."

"You're babysitting?"

"Oh. No. Sitting on my bed."

Cat giggles. "Robbie! You can't do that the whole day!"

"I assure you I can, madame," he tells her, somewhat lifelessly. She laughs again.

"I'm being serious, Robbie! What are you doing today? I know you aren't with Jade, because she's at that family thing with Sophia!"

"Why would I be with Jade?" he frowns at her. It's like eleven in the morning.

"You're always with Jade!" Cat tells him glibly. "You're like married now!"

What? Married? _Married?_ How in the world does spending about five afternoons a week without someone equate to always being with them? Married! He doesn't live with Jade! They sleep in separate bed across town. They don't even always sit right next to each other at lunch. It's not like they go out walking their dogs together – well, not that they have any dogs to walk, but if they did, most likely they wouldn't. They don't eat dinner together – it's probably actually impossible for them to do that, because Robbie can't eat anything and Jade is so picky. It's not like they brush their teeth in tandem and then go take a shower together. Woo, that last one. He -

"Robbie! _Rob-bie!_" Cat is trilling into the phone. "Did you fall asleep? Are you having an asthma attack?"

"No," he tells her, blushing.

"Focus, Robbie! Do you want to come over?"

He blinks down at his phone. "Um...to your house?"

"No, to Jupiter!" she shouts, and laughs uproariously. "Yes, you silly bear!"

"Why?" he asks.

"Rob-_bie!_ Why do people go to each other's houses? To see each other! To hang out!"

"Oh...you want to hang out with me?" he asks doubtfully. He cradles the Pearphone on his shoulder and picks absently at a hole forming in the knee of his jeans.

"Yes! That's the point I've been trying to make for the last four minutes!"

"Oh," he says again, still doubtful. "Where's Andre?" He doesn't mean for the words to come out, and his tone isn't nasty, but he_ feels _it.

Cat is unfazed. "I don't know. Clipping his grandmother's toenails? I haven't called him yet."

"That's gross, Cat."

"I know," she giggles. "He had to do it last week, he said. He was really upset. Do you think it's a biweekly thing or just weekly? If it is weekly, that probably is what he's doing! How long does it take for a bunion to grow back? You know, those things on your foot - "

"Cat!" he interrupts her quickly. He really doesn't want to know all about the landscape of Andre's grandmother's feet. "You're drifting again."

"Oh, sorry. I got side-tracked! That happens sometimes. So, what do you say?"

"Do you need help with homework or something?" he asks. "Do you need a new fake ID for your brother?"

"Nope!"

"Do you - "

"Robbie!" she interrupts him, and she sounds upset. "I want to _see _you! We haven't hung out in ages. Aaaages! Do you not want to see me? You don't want to come over?" There's a pause, in which he assumes she is frowning severely, because he voice trembles when she speaks again. "You don't want to be friends with me anymore?"

Instantly he feels like trash – non-biodegradable, the worst kind of trash. "Of course I want to be your friend and of course I want to see you," he tells her. "I'm sorry. I'm just … I don't know, tired." And he is.

"Do you want to take a nap before you come over?" Cat asks, concerned.

"No, it's okay."

"Oh, okay! Oh! Well, we have a new loveseat, Robbie! It's red and it's really soft! The pillows are microfiber! You can take a nap here, maybe!"

He can't help but laugh a little. "That's okay, Cat. I mean, maybe, we'll see. You want me to head over now?"

"Yes! Yay!"

"Do you need anything?"

"Just your shining face," she tells him happily.

"Um … okay. I'll be there soon."

"Kay-kay!" she chirrups, and they hang up. He gets dressed slowly, and makes himself drink a glass of juice before he heads over. It seems like he's never hungry nowadays. He doesn't understand the feeling of being lonely, yet not particularly wanting to see anyone. He doesn't know what's wrong with him.

It's weird and it's not weird to be hanging out with Cat. He doesn't think there has been a single instance in the time he's known her that they have hung out together exclusively. Sometimes they pair off in trios – he, Cat, and Jade, studying; once or twice he and Cat and Beck at the Groovy Smoothie, which is finally opening its chain up to California; Cat and Andre and him, before their coupling had taken place, but he's never hung out with her one-on-one outside of school.

They sit in her kitchen and drink the passion-mango tea her mother's made. He watches, mostly quiet, as Cat spoons the whole sugar bowl into her glass and tells him about why she and her brother aren't allowed to feed the neighbor's cat anymore.

"The fur actually turned green, Robbie! How does that happen?"

"What?" he asks, looking up at her across the table.

She frowns and peers at him from across the table. She's wearing a little moon charm on a thin silver chain, and she strings it back and forth with her finger. "Are you, like, okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You're acting – really Robbie-like. Like, you're being super quiet."

"I'm fine," he tells her. He doesn't tell her that being really Robbie-like is actually pretty miserable.

She seems to accept this. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

"Sure," he says, and follows her into the play-room. There are no small children in the Valentine household, so it's sort of odd that they still have a playroom at all. Cat shoves a literal mountain of legos off the couch. There's a half-finished puzzle on the coffee table.

"What do you want to watch? Boogie Bear 2: Lost in New York? Or we have a Girly Cow DVD, too!"

"Whatever you want," he says, absently.

Cat sort of frowns at him again, but she doesn't question him. They eventually pick out Ginger Fox's Live in Buffalo DVD. He doesn't really want to watch that, but he's seen Cat's eyes light up when her hand had hovered over it, so he tells her to put it in. If Cat's really into a DVD, maybe she won't chatter as much. Compromise.

They watch behind-the-scenes clips and Cat claps and sings along Ginger's songs and gets all the words wrong. Robbie laughs so she goes along with it, hamming it up and making up entire extra verses. She pulls a bag of candy out from nowhere and chows down. Robbie watches her, watches the TV, and he puts a smile on his face.

When the movie ends, they sits around in the playroom for a bit longer. They talk about the spring dance Tori is trying to orchestrate. They talk about Sikowitz's new toupee and how it sort of looks like a baby skunk died on his head. They run a few lines for their play. She asks him about Jade; he asks her about Andre and tries not to feel too bad. It doesn't hurt so much anymore. Not any more than anything else does. It's just something that's come to be.

Eventually, Cat's father comes home, and starts pestering her to wash the dishes so he can start dinner. Robbie feels a hollow pang as he watches Cat's father tease her, waving her empty tea glass that has sugar coagulating in the bottom at her. Cat giggles uncontrollably.

Robbie sees himself out shortly after that. Cat walks him to his car. "Did you have fun?" she asks him.

"Yeah," he says. He did have fun. It's just not enough, somehow.

She hugs him tightly. She smells like cotton candy. He hugs her back, loosely. He feels alone.

"Text me later, okay?" she asks him, and he affirms. She stands waving until his car disappears around the street.

When he gets home, Jess is eating a grilled cheese sandwich and sitting on the counter. She doesn't really say anything to him, but she doesn't glare too much, either.

"How long have you been home?" he asks her. She shrugs. What, she doesn't know?

"Have you talked to Mom?"

"No."

He watches her eat. He wants to ask her more, but he doesn't. She puts her plate in the sink. "I'm going to Karl's," she informs him briskly. She leaves. He doesn't stop her.

He lays on the living room couch and turns the TV on. It's still set to the channel Jess was last watching, and Little House on the Prairie is on. He lets it play, but doesn't really pay attention. He looks out the window. His mother's car does not pull into the driveway.

Jade calls him, and they talk for a while. She tells him about the party that Sophia had thrown for her sister. She's getting married to a Colombian, and they had flown up at her sister's request for the wedding party.

"Jeff put his whole face in the cake," she tells him dourly. It's the first time Robbie grins all day.

"You should have been watching him better," he tells her. "Don't you know that's your job?"

Jade yells at him. He lets her.

**AN: Here we are! Two chapters for you lovely folks this morning. I wasn't too happy with Chapter 18 – I've edited it several times, and I still feel like it lacks something. I'm feeling like the quality of my writing is going down, somehow, but I think it just feels choppier because I'm beginning to use more and more dialogue.**

**Hope you enjoy. :) I haven't started the next chapter yet, and I have to work tomorrow night, so I'm not sure when it will be posted. As for today, I'm going to the zoo. I'm sure I'll return wanting to write a fic where Jade and Robbie find romance beside the hippo tanks.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

Cat's wearing a sparkly green party hat to class.

Beck swats her away when she tries to give him one. "I'm not Irish," he tells her, ducking and laughing a little.

"My mom was born in Ireland," Cat tells him. She makes another attempt at his head. "You can take some of mine!"

Robbie's watching them from two seats down, a little amused. He hasn't yet met Cat's mother. Beside him, Jade is methodically covering his yellow notebook in black Sharpie pen.

Andre ducks into class just as the second bell rings, skidding to his desk. He gives Cat a "Hey babe!" and a kiss on the cheek before taking his seat.

Sikowitz bores them with a bit of crazy talk for a few moments, then they all take places and run lines for the period. This is one of the few plays he's done that Jade doesn't have a part in, but she's designing most of the scenery. She and Alison are always in the theatre during study hall, painting and talking about God knows what. Robbie thinks it's so weird that Jade had loathed Tori for so long, yet seems to sort of get along with Beck's new girlfriend. But Alison is very demure and quiet – she probably doesn't give Jade a lot of material to work with.

Beck frowns and peers into the auditorium as they're waiting for the girls to finish up as the final bell rings one day in late March.

"They make me so nervous," he tells Robbie. "What do you think they talk about?"

Robbie shrugs. He really has no idea. "Fabric paints?" he suggests. Beck rolls his eyes in the _That's Robbie!_ fashion.

"I sort of doubt it," he murmurs, as Alison's high-pitched laughter echoes throughout the auditorium and out into the hallway.

"Have you been all right, man?" Robbie asks him. He's remembering how tired Beck has looked as of late. He's been so focused on dealing with Jessica, his mom, and the family of guinea pigs (Jade always makes him clean out their cages), that he hasn't been giving much thought to Beck. He isn't a very good friend, he thinks dismally.

Beck looks a little surprised and waves him away. "Oh, yeah. Thanks though. There are these stupid crickets in my RV. I guess because it's gotten sort of warm outside. They keep me up all night."

"Oh," says Robbie, a little relieved. Crickets aren't that bad of a problem.

"Andre caught the one, and it was okay for, like a day," Beck tells him. "Then another one came! I found it hiding next to the air vent. I was all set to squash it, and you know what it did?"

"What?" Robbie asks.

"It started chirping!" Beck looks at him in outrage, and falters a bit when Robbie just stares at him. "You know what it means when they do that, right?"

"Well … no."

"Oh. Well, I looked it up online. When they chirp, it means there's no, like, danger – they feel safe! It feels safe with me, Robbie! I couldn't kill it!"

"So you just let it chirp?"

"Well, yeah! What was I supposed to do? Betray it? So it just sat in the corner, chirping, and I just stared at it all night. Now it's relocated and I can't freaking find it. I can't kill it now!" Beck runs a hand through his hair and lets out a long and loud sigh. Robbie commiserates.

Jade and Alison head towards them, finally, and Beck slides his arm around Ali. Robbie does not slide his arm around Jade. She socks him in the shoulder instead. "Should we go find Sikowitz?" she asks him.

"Sure," he says, and they waves goodbye to Beck and Alison and the foursome splits off.

It's the hardest thing in the world, working with Sikowitz. It's mostly hard because they have to, you know, interact with him. He only has a few short scenes in their Sun Dog production – they've edited down his screentime to only the shots where he gives the camera to Danny, expositions a bit, and then one of the later scenes, where he takes the final picture and lets the Sun Dog out of the camera.

Working with both Danny and Sikowitz gives him and Jade migraines. They both overact and try to one-up each other in the scenes. Last week they had almost broken the camera, the most important prop in the whole film! He and Jade had had to spend a night repainting it.

"Come on, Danny, just read the line!" Robbie whines from his place behind the filming camera. Jade is working on the lighting behind him and very pointedly not speaking.

Danny had almost quit the project after Jade had filled his locker with lime-green Jello, and he'd only agreed to continue if he could interact solely with Robbie. Jade has been fairly well-behaved this afternoon, but behind him, Robbie can hear her continual little growls of frustration. It makes him giggle. He'll have to take her out for ice cream afterward as a reward. Jade can show incredible willpower when she wants to.

"This script is so stale," Danny tells him from where he's wandering behind a huge shelf of props they've brought into the classroom. "'_This camera is bogus?'_ Who says that, ever?"

"Stephen King says it," Robbie informs him crisply. "It's supposed to be the eighties! Just go with it!"

"You go with it," Danny grumbles. "Mr. Polo Shirt Man."

"Excuse me," Robbie tells him sternly. "My wardrobe is not up for discussion. What's wrong with a polo, anyway?"

"Oh, nothing," says Danny innocently. Behind Robbie, Jade snickers. Robbie frowns. Sikowitz is entranced with the old-world globe they've set up on his desk.

"Can we start the scene again, please?" Robbie asks.

Sikowitz slurps his coconut milk. He drinks the same brand as Robbie! Danny ignores him too, pulling a snowglobe off the shelf and shaking it.

Robbie sighs.

* * *

It's Saturday again, and Robbie has spent the whole day up in his room, finishing up the work for Bio Lab and maths that he's behind on. It's not difficult for him – these two have always been his best subjects – but he's just been so busy lately. He's probably going to go down to a B in Bio, he thinks regretfully. He really does have too much on his plate. Filming with Jade takes up enough time as it is, and now he has to go to rehearsals for Sikowitz's insipid play, as well, every Thursday and Friday evening. Thankfully, he doesn't have to kiss Cat each time. They just peck each other on the cheek and they'll do the real kiss on opening night, in two weeks.

Aside from that, he's been commissioned by Tori to help her make decorations for the dance the school in throwing during the third weekend in April, just a week after the play wraps up. So now he makes origami swans and flowers in the auditorium with Tori and Cat every Monday afternoon. It feels like he never leaves that darn auditorium! Then he has to make time for work, as well. Oh, and he has to keep Jade happy, too, which is a fulltime job all on its own. He's barely had a chance to see Beck or Andre since January!

Anyway, his homework. He rewrites up the entire lab they're just completed on hybrid plant cells, and he prints out a copy for Chrissy, too, even though she is a complete waste of space and oxygen. But last week, she'd picked the orange and green confetti out of his hair that Ca had thrown all over him (no, he has no idea), so he feels like he owes her for something.

He hasn't eaten all day, so he eventually pads down to the kitchen around five o clock in the afternoon. Jess is downstairs, sitting at the counter and demolishing what appears to be an entire cartoon of Orangutan Poop ice cream (it's peach-swirl with chocolate covered peanuts. It looks and sounds utterly abhorrent, Robbie thinks, but he highly doubts Jess would want to hear his opinion on the matter) squished into one of their large soup bowls.

"Hey," he greets her. He crosses the kitchen and considers what's in their mostly-sparse cabinets somewhat dismally.

Jess doesn't respond. She slurps at the melted Orangu- yuck, he doesn't want to even think the name! - the melted ice cream instead.

"I didn't think you were home," he says to her, forcing his voice to remain light as he finally selects a pack of instant white rice that's been hiding on the top shelf of the cabinet. "Didn't you have a Mathletes practice today?"

"It was canceled," Jess says nastily.

"I wish you would stop being mad at me," he tells his sister. He tears open the rice packet and dumps it into the little pot of water he's poured. He sets it on the stove. She hasn't responded, so he turns and looks at her expectantly.

Jess makes a face. "I'm not mad at you," she says into her ice cream dish. "I'm just being a little bitch."

All right.

He sighs. "I've told you I was sorry." He pushes his glasses further up on his nose. "And don't swear."

Jess doesn't really respond. She just sort of rolls her eyes at him and then keeps looking up at him, frowning and continuing to spoon her ice cream into her mouth. It's sort of an awkward stare, probably made just to exaggerate the point that she doesn't want to speak to him. He stares back at her, frowning speculatively.

"Do you have something to say?" she asks finally. Her spoon clinks in the dish.

Robbie considers. "Have you talked to Mom lately?"

"No."

"Do you know … that she … "

"What?"

"... Nothing." He gives up. He can't say it. Besides, Jess is only not even thirteen. She doesn't need to hear about her mother being a … god, he can't even think it. A _loose woman_.

Part of why he doesn't want to tell her is because he's afraid she won't care. She has, he thinks, made her feelings about Dad pretty clear to him. Maybe she'll even be happy for Mom. He does not want a reason to be mad at his sister, even though she's being absolutely the world's biggest brat right now.

Jess keeps eating her ice cream. He wants to hem and haw at her and tell her that he hopes that isn't her dinner, but he supposes he has lost privy to such things. He is a terrible big brother, he thinks. He's never lost his temper with her before, not like that. He should be better than that. He ruins everything for everyone.

When his rice boils over he turns the stove off and pours it into his own bowl. He really needs to go grocery shopping, he thinks. But he doesn't have as much time at home now, and since he's been spending so much time at Jade's, he usually eats over there now. Sophia even buys him fresh vegetables!

He goes upstairs and eats his plain rice and finishes up his math homework. Then – well, he doesn't really have anything else to do, so he cleans his already fairly-in-order room. A small packet falls out of one of his old binders that he's pulled from the closet.

It's the pictures he's kept of Jade and Cat from last year's trip to South America. They're the ones he'd meant to give to Jade, but had forgotten about. He flips through them absently, smiling a little. He marvels at how different all of their lives were, just a year ago.

He texts Jade: _I have something for you._

_can i eat it?_

_Um, if you want, I guess, but hopefully you won't. Can you come over? _He doesn't feel up to driving.

She texts him back that she doesn't know – the guinea pigs squeal too much when she isn't there, and the other day Jefferson had taken a bath with not only DJ but Michelle too. Sophia was pretty mad. Her dad had laughed. They'd all gotten into trouble.

Robbie thinks for a while. Their house is a pet-free zone. Then he sends her: _Bring them over too. Use the carry-on! Maybe they'll make my sister happy._

_rodents, in your house, shapiro? what would your mother say?_

_Who cares. Know what? I'll even take the plastic covers off the couch._

_ooo god, stop being a rebel robbie. it turns me on._

Robbie blushes seventeen different shades of red. Jade agrees to come over.

They hang out in the living room and let the kids run wild. One of them poops under the couch. Robbie doesn't clean it. Jess is drawn back down the steps by the sounds of their trills and whistles, and she stays downstairs for a few minutes, petting Quentin, who is the only calm one, and trying to fight a grudging smile off of her face. Robbie feels better, if only a miniscule amount.

Jade snatches up the pictures when he offers them to her and goes through them silently. "I can't believe you kept these!" she says. Why wouldn't he?

"Well, they were for you," he tells her.

She looks for a long time at the one of her and Cat holding hands atop the hill, then laughs abruptly. She waves a picture of Cat grinning and pointing to a cow's butt in his face. "I bet you jerk off to this one."

"I do not!" he tells her, red-faced as usual. "I don't jerk off to any of them!"

She just laughs at him some more. "You are such a weirdo, Robot-o."

"I'm not a robot," he says sulkily.

"I know," Jade says apologetically. Then she smirks. "You're almost a real boy! You're like Haley Joel Osment in that movie you cried at. In a thousand years, we'll put you behind glass for all the people to come and see."

He doesn't know why her comments bother him so much sometimes.

"Do you really think that?" he asks before he can help himself. "I'm a robot?"

He hopes she doesn't. He hopes she can see more than that. She's the only one, he thinks, who possibly could. She has said she can see him trying. And he tries so hard. If, after all this time, he's still just a joke to her, then … then … well, he doesn't know. But something. Something big.

Jade rolls her eyes and doesn't speak for a few moments. She seems upset that the mood has changed to one that is so serious.

"No, you aren't a robot," she informs him grudgingly. "You gotta know I don't really think that."

"I'm sorry," he tells her.

She rolls her eyes at him. "See, that's what it is – you're always apologizing. You don't have to do it. You could just drop things. What do you have to be sorry for?"

"I don't – I don't know."

"There you go," Jade says impassively, and no, Robbie doesn't really know what goes, but he doesn't bring it up again. They go through the photos and laugh and pet the guinea pigs.

Jade stares for a long time at a picture he'd taken of her and Beck. Beck's arm is around her waist, loosely, and he's beaming down at her. Jade looks off into the distance, squinting a little, distracted. Robbie thinks this was right before she had started screaming at Cat about putting her makeup on Andre. She and Beck are standing very close in the picture, their hips bumping. The hand he has around her waist is entwined with her opposite hand.

Jade just looks at it. She slides it into the pile of pictures she's deemed worthy of taking home with her.

Robbie feels something heavy fall into his stomach. Maybe a kidney stone. Or his heart. Who can tell?

**Author's note: **

**ZenNoMai: Thank you for your kind words! :) It means a lot to me that you'll keep reading. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm knocking out this story at a really fast rate. When I am finished it, I want to go and read your Rade fics. I'm being really weird and I won't let myself read any other fanfic because I don't want to steal voices from other people. I actually think Robbie/Jade at the zoo would be a perfect fic. God, maybe I'll write that in!**

**anon.10810: Hee, I'm glad you didn't have a heart attack! But yeah, I thought that would be a funny way to start off the chapter, especially with all the drama in the last. Glad you liked!**

**Agent Taggert: I love writing Robbie, Tori, and Jade scenes! But, um, not Robbie/Tori/Jade, because I am not mature enough to handle that, hahaha.**

**RealSlimShady: Oh don't worry (or, well, worry, I guess), Robbie is going to act out in a big way pretty soon. I'm building up to it! Also, I love your username.**

**Cenobite82: Honestly, I don't know if this story will have a happy ending for Robbie and his family. Definitely reconciliation for him and his sis, but his mother? I don't know. Yes, if I can get all this out the way I want it to.**

**Even lovers drown: your reviews are my favorite thing about writing this!**

**Thanks guys!  
**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

The next two weeks pass quickly and the night of the play dawns on them all. He gives Jess about ten fliers and he leaves one in his mother's study, too, but he doubts either of them will make it to the show. The flier has a picture of himself in costume with Cat hanging off his arm and Beck in the background, brandishing a fake lead pipe while wearing a kimono. Tori and Jade cry with laughter and put the fliers up all over the school.

Robbie only flubs two lines – excellent, in his opinion, since the screenplay has been the last thing he's focused on this semester – and it's okay when the wind machine breaks halfway through the second act, because it was totally unnecessary to begin with.

He kisses Cat for an incredibly long seven seconds. She wraps her arms around his neck. On the catwalk, Andre and SinJin spray them with garden hoses. Then the scenery starts to crumble around them and he hears a loud _crack!_ from the catwalk and SinJin screams, Cat starts to giggle into his mouth, Robbie's ears fill with water, and then the curtain closes to a shocking amount of applause.

Cat lets go of his neck, laughing. "Oh my god, Robbie!" she exclaims. "We did it!" She kicks her feet up at him, doing a little jig right on the stage, and water sprays up at him. He laughs, too.

He finds Alison backstage. She's soaking wet and livid and has watery paint running through her hair. "Katrina turned the water hoses up to _high!_" she squeaks at him frantically, wringing her hands in anger. "SinJin almost fell off the catwalk! She ruined all our sets." She looks thoughtfully around at the dripping wooden scenery. "Not that we'd ever use them again, I guess."

"At least she waited until the final act," Robbie tries to console her.

Alison brightens. "That's true," she says high-pitchedly. "Jade is going to kick her butt, I bet!"

He's about to ask Ali why on earth Jade would kick Trina's butt – this wasn't Jade play to ruin - but before he can, Cat and Andre pop back into view.

Andre howls with laughter, though he tries (very unsuccessfully) to contain it. "Holy whiz, Robbie, look at you," he says, cackling.

Robbie's soaking wet, too, and he still has his Rat-Man costume on. He'd lost one of his contact lenses in the third act, so he's been sort of squinting at them all since then. His costume tail and ears droop miserably.

"I need to get changed," he tells them. He wrings out his tail. Cat giggles uproariously, and he can't help but grin back at her. He walks off, carrying his tail exaggeratedly, to the sounds of her laughter.

Robbie's halfway done changing when Jade barges unceremoniously into the changing room, hollering for him.

"Jade!" he shrieks, leaping behind the wooden dividers that are set up. "Don't you knock?"

"Oh, dear god!" she shrieks, too, in mock-horror. She puts a hand to her forehead as Robbie peeps out at her. "Shapiro, your bony white chest nearly blinded me!"

Robbie huffs. "Shut up," he grumbles, as he pulls his tee shirt on, followed by his orange sweater. Jade just laughs and leans heavily on the make-up table.

"Tori keeps crying and crying about going out to eat," she tells him. "Apparently sitting in the audience is so difficult and grueling. You want to go?"

"Sure," he says, emerging from behind the wooden doors, safely covered.

Jade groans loudly. "Oh _god_, not that sweater again."

"What's wrong with this sweater!" he cries. He adjusts the collar. It's _soft._ And personally, he thinks orange is a very good color on him. It brightens his complexion. Mrs Savidge had said so!

"Oh, nothing," Jade says, smirking at him. "You're a very good-looking pumpkin, Shapiro."

"I am not a pumpkin!" he tells her. He pokes her in the arm. "Are you calling me fat, Jade? Geez, you don't respect me at all. Excuse me if this month's alimony check is a little late."

She just laughs some more and swats him away, then changes her mind and grabs him by his sleeve, dragging him out of the dressing room. He's a little surprised – he had expected at least a slap for touching her shoulder.

"No, you aren't fat," she tells him as they head down the now-dim hallway. "I do apologize for what was implied." She's using her _Dr Quinn Medicine Woman_ voice on him. He rolls his eyes at her, and she laughs again. She's certainly in a good mood tonight.

They meet up with the rest of the gang in the main hallway. Tori squeals and hugs them all, even Jade, who tolerates it for exactly two seconds before roughly shoving her away. Tori isn't fazed.

She squeezes Robbie tightly, rib-crushingly, and again, he's so glad she's his friend, even though he can't breathe. "You did so good!" she whispers into his ear. "Even when your tail fell off!" Robbie laughs.

They pile into the cars – Beck, Alison, Cat, and Andre squish into his convertible, and Robbie, Jade, and Tori hem and haw and finally decide to go in Jade's car. It's the biggest, and Robbie can't squeak and squawk if she wants to smoke in it. Jade makes him drive.

She backs her seat up all the way so she crashes into Tori's knees and Tori yelps and has to move over. She kicks her boot-clad feet up onto the dashboard and lights up one of her cigarettes. Robbie gives her a reproachful look, both for squishing Tori and for the cancer stick, but he doesn't reprimand her.

Jade turns up the CD she has playing. It's the Hole CD Robbie's bought her,_ still._

"_I'm miss world," _she and Robbie sing. _"So-omebody kill me."_

Tori just shakes her head at them. "You guys are so weird," she tells them.

"What's so weird about being a feminist, Vega?" Jade snarls at her. "At least Robbie has the good sense to shut up and conform." Tori frowns at her, but Robbie just laughs.

"Leave her alone, Jade," he says. "Not all of us were reading Elizabeth Wurtzel at age ten."

Shockingly, Jade stops baiting Tori. She just gives Robbie a hard glare as Tori says "_Who?_" but somehow she manages to keep silent. She's in an even better mood than he'd thought! It's amazing, what SinJin almost dying can do to a girl, he guesses.

Finally they arrive at Olga's Diner. It's the same place they had gathered at freshman year, after the opening night of _Oliver!_ It feels like centuries ago, but everything looks exactly the same, right down to the tired, middle-aged waitress.

They all squish into one of the big booths at the back of the diner. Robbie looks around the table at his friends' faces and thinks of how much has changed since then.

Beck has his arm loosely around Alison, who's snorting into her ginger ale over something Tori had said. Andre and Cat are surely holding hands under the table. Jade's sitting next to him, and she and Tori are making a mountain out of the coffee creamers the waitress has left.

"The best part was SinJin's shriek echoing out over the audience," Andre is laughing.

Tori throws a creamer at him. "That's mean!"

"It was hilarious," Jade says. "But your sister is still going down, Vega."

"Yeah, I know." Tori looks pleased. "She really wanted the lead, but Sikowitz turned her down like five times."

"Gross!" says Jade.

Tori laughs. "Robbie, Trina says you have nice _calves._"

Robbie chokes on his ice water as Jade, Beck, and Andre roar with laughter. "My _calves?_" he yells, sputtering. "Why - who would - ugh! She shouldn't be looking!"

"Don't worry, your calves are skinny and freckled," Jade tells him.

"They are not!" Robbie squeals indignantly. Across the table, Tori smirks at him, but he can't imagine why.

Tori orders three orders of mashed potatoes. The waitress looks at her despairingly. Andre and Beck both get huge disgusting burgers with lots of special sauce. Andre asks for an extra ketchup bottle. The rest of the girls order a huge basket of cheese fries. Robbie eats a garden salad.

Jade and Cat dump their leftovers and the rest of Alison's ginger ale into Tori's last bowl of unfinished potatoes. He, Beck, and Andre are talking about Galaxy Wars. Tori and Alison are watching Cat and Jade's growing creation in a mixture of interest and disgust.

"I dare you to eat that," Jade says, as Cat decorates the bowl with Andre's spare ketchup.

"Don't waste that, babe!" Andre cries, taking the ketchup from her. Cat giggles uncontrollably.

"That's disgusting!" Beck yells, finally noticing. The waitress, walking by, shushes them angrily.

"Someone has to clean those dishes, you know," she tells them shortly.

Andre and Beck break up into laughter.

Jade spears one of Robbie's tomato slices and puts it atop their mountain of disgust. Cat uses her fork to draw a smiley face around it. Tori sighs at her wasted potatoes.

Somehow the dish ends up overturned in Andre's lap. He's bellowing in outrage as Cat is sputtering and giggling, and she tries to wipe at his lap with the whole dispenser's full of napkins and Beck is crying with laughter. Tori and Jade are laughing too. Jade keeps scooting away from Andre, bumping into Robbie. He spits some of her hair out of his mouth.

The manager comes out and instructs them to leave. "Teenagers!" he roars, shooing them forcefully. The guys all leave wads of cash on the table. Tori takes a picture of the disarray on her old PearPhone before Beck grabs her arm and drags her out with the rest of them.

Everyone hangs out in the parking lot for a while, all reluctant to go home and call it a night. Tori and Cat are arguing about whether or not Spencer Shay had been in the audience to watch the play.

"I swear it was him!" Tori is squawking. "It looked just like him! The school is in Hollywood, you know! I swear I once saw Josh Peck wandering around, too! He's lost so much weight!"

"Spencer Shay is in Seattle!" Cat's telling her. "Why would he ever come here!"

"I'm friends with him on Splashbook! I know his locations!"

Cat giggles. "Tori, do you have a crush?"

"No! I'm just saying! I know it was him! Oh, you don't even know what he looks like!"

It's getting late, and Alison frowns at her watch and squeaks about her curfew to Beck. He and Alison get into the front seat of his convertible, calling out their goodbyes. Cat and Andre get in, too. She and Tori are still arguing, and Tori squeezes into Beck's car as well, insisting loudly that it was totally Spencer and she's going to Cat's house right now to show her pictures.

Robbie and Jade watch this all from where they're sitting atop the hood of Jade's giant brown car. They wave as the rest of the group drives off.

They sit in silence for a few more moments. Jade's lit another cigarette, and Robbie watches the smoke swirl up in the balmy mid-April wind.

"Do you remember the last time we were all here?" Jade asks him.

"Yeah," he says. He does. He'd been thinking of it the whole time they'd been in the diner. He tells her so.

"It's all so different now," Jade tells him, a little sadly, he thinks. She flicks her cigarette absently, and some ashes float down onto the knee of Robbie's jeans. He rubs it away carelessly.

"I know," he says.

"Everything's changing," Jade says. She makes her sour-lemon face. "I hate change."

"It's not always so bad," he tells her, softly.

Jade smiles a little, and gives forth a small, humorless laugh. "Yeah, but when has it even been _not_ for us?"

"Yeah..."

Jade takes another drag, holds it in, breathes out, ashes on Robbie's leg again. Then she laughs for real. "God, that play!"

"Yeah, I know," Robbie says, chuckling too.

"I recorded you and Beck sword-fighting," she says. "It was so priceless. Especially when you whipped around and hit him in the face with your tail and he sneezed."

Robbie laughs loudly. "Yeah, that wasn't scripted. I can't believe Trina wanted to be cast! Thank God Sikowitz turned her down."

"Yeah," Jade says. "What a bitch. I'm so super-gluing her locker."

"You don't have to do that," he tells her. "The water thing at the end was sort of funny."

Jade shrugs. "She tried to ruin it, still. This was, like, your big thing. It's cool to see you doing something that doesn't have to do with that stupid puppet." Robbie smiles. When he doesn't say anything else, Jade snorts. "_Nice calves!_"

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with my calves!" he tells her.

"Yeah, aside from the fact that they're on your body."

"Hey!" He pokes her again. "You're so mean to me."

"I am not," she laughs at him. "I'm nice to you every day. Every day I don't punch you in the stomach."

"You did that last week," he points out.

"All right, so I wasn't nice that day," she concedes.

It's so nice to be out here with her – not backed behind a camera, or in the confines of her bedroom, or Robbie's dark and empty house. The streetlights from the parking lot are making her hair shine, and her laughter sounds nice in the quiet night. She looks at him, still laughing, and her eyes are shining and grey now. Kaleidoscope eyes. He wonders if she ever listens to The Beatles. He would like to sing to her. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. It's about drugs, he's been told, but he thinks it's about how she makes him feel.

"This is nice," he tells her, instead of singing.

"Yeah," she agrees simply. "Yeah, it is."

He wonders if she can ever know how he feels – like the world is a circus wheel, a ferris wheel, and it's breaking down all around you, sending sparks shooting out everywhere, into your your eyes so you can't see anything but the blue, and you don't know if it's real, because you're so high up, and then down so low, or if you're just going crazy. He feels like he must be going crazy. He must being going crazy, because when she grins again, the brilliant red of her lips parting to reveal her perfect white teeth, and when she mutters, "Calves," again, he laughs too. And then he's crazy, he must be crazy, because he leans forward, closing the small amount of distance that's between them, and then he is kissing her, and the ferris wheel spins up, up, up.

**AN: Two short chapters, but they needed to be, I think. These are filler, but you guys need some happiness before what's to come. Thank you all for reviewing! You are what keeps this story going.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

He isn't sure how long the kiss lasts. Maybe five seconds.

Maybe a century.

Slowly, though, the world stops spinning, and Robbie realizes that he is not on a carnival ride, he is sitting on the hood of Jade's car, and he's just forced his lips on her, and he hasn't even brushed his teeth since the morning.

They seem to pull back at the same time. Jade opens her eyes – when had she closed them? - and she stares at him.

Robbie opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out.

"Why did you do that?" Jade asks, echoing what he had said to her over two months prior. It's not her usual demand. It's a question.

"I – I don't know."

Jade's mouth drops open, and she glares briefly at him before recovering. "How can you not know?"

"I don't know."

"You're ridiculous!" she tells him, and then she's sliding off the hood on the car and glaring up at him. "You kiss me, and you don't even know why?"

"I'm sorry," he says helplessly.

"God!" she huffs. She shoves him in the chest. He falls back on his elbows onto her windshield. He'll have a mark tomorrow. "You're such a fucking whack job!"

"I'm sorry," he tells her again. "I won't do it again."

Jade rolls her eyes. She's moving around him to the driver's side of her car. He hears the angry sound of her key scratching against the car's door lock. "You better not. Get off the car! Jesus Christ."

He slides off the hood. Jade can't seem to get the key to turn. He moves forward hesitantly to help her, somehow, but she blocks him, turning her back on him. "I got it."

"Sorry," he mumbles.

"Jesus – shut up! You're such a fucking freak. You can't just use me as a freaking experiment, Shapiro! I'm not doing that."

"I wasn't … that's .. that's not what I was doing."

She whirls around to glare at him. "Well, what were you doing then?"

"I … I ..."

"You don't know?" she snits nastily.

He shrugs.

"You can't even say it!" she cries. She turns around again and forces her car key into the lock. It clicks. She slides into the driver's seat and just sits there, glaring at the steering wheel for a long time.

Robbie doesn't know what to say. He's ruined everything.

"Are you getting in or are you just standing there all night?" Jade asks lowly. Robbie hurries around to the passenger side of the car. He's shocked that she's still going to take him home.

They're silent on the ride to his house. He thinks of and rejects a thousand things to say. She's told him he better not kiss her again. Is that what she meant? He's ruined everything. He's spent the whole school year working on getting Jade to tolerate him, and he's blown that all wide open. He's a landmine.

"Look, Shapiro," she snaps at him as she pulls haphazardly into his driveway. "We still have to finish filming. I don't want things to be _weird._"

"Okay," he says in a whisper. This seems to infuriate her more, somehow. She purses her lips and lets out a little snarl.

"I don't know what your problem is," she growls. "You can't even talk now?"

"I..."

"Whatever." She waves a hand at him, narrowly missing smacking him in the face. "Let's just … let's just forget about it, okay?"

"All right," he says miserably.

Jade's quiet for a long moment. "All right," she repeats. "So it never happened?"

"It never happened," he murmurs in agreement.

"Fine," she drawls.

He just looks at her awkwardly. He doesn't know … well, he doesn't know anything. Why had he thought it was a good idea to kiss her? To kiss Jade West! He must be crazier than he's thought, this whole time. She makes him crazy.

"We're at your house," she says pointedly.

"Oh … yeah." He fumbles with his seatbelt. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah," she says flatly.

"Are you … ?"

"What?" she snaps.

"Nuh … nothing." His throat is drier than sandpaper.

"Fine."

"Um … "

"Look, I have to get home," she tells him dismissively. "I'll see you at school, or something. I'll … I'll see you in Improv."

"All right," he says miserably. He slides out of the car slowly and backs up. She watches him.

He stands at the edge of his yard, hands in his pockets, watching as she backs the car up and pulls away. She turns the radio up full-blast. It's not Hole playing anymore. She drives off without looking back at him.

He watches her leave, and he lets her.

* * *

Sunday comes and goes. Robbie doesn't leave his bedroom. Tori texts him. Cat and Andre text him. He tosses his phone into the closet. He doesn't eat. He doesn't finish his math homework. He hears Jess, walking the halls, then he hears her in the kitchen, and then the TV blares on. He doesn't get up and ask her to turn it down.

When school starts the next day, Jade sits next to him in Improv like his whole world hadn't just blow up. But she doesn't talk to him, not really, and he still doesn't know what to say to her.

Jade isn't at lunch. Tori tells him she thinks she's seen her disappear into the library.

"What's going on?" she asks him in a whisper, even though the others are still inside in the lunch line.

"Nothing," he says dully. "Nothing's going on."

Tori scrunches her brows up in concern. "Robbie, if - "

"Drop it, Tori," he tells her. "Please? I – can't. It's nothing. It's nothing important."

"All right," she says, still frowning. She watches him concernedly through the period. He doesn't eat. Cat's looking at him, too, but he keeps his eyes on the table, refusing to make contact with either of them.

It gets a little better as the week wears on. He and Jade finally get Sikowitz's scenes done. On Wednesday, they take all their film to the editing room and spend the whole afternoon and evening in there, cutting the takes and scenes. He lets her pick all the music they're going to play.

But something's changed, something's missing. She doesn't punch him in the arm anymore, or laugh at his sweaters, or call him Robot-o or Albert or Loki. She doesn't even call him dorkbait. She certainly doesn't call him Robbie.

She invites him over, though, on Friday night, still. They watch _The Scissoring_ in her room. She doesn't sit on the bed with him. They don't take the kids out of their cages.

"Can we- can we just, go back to how things were?" he asks her as the credits are playing.

She just looks at him blankly. "This is how things were," she says.

"I told you I was sorry," he says sadly. "I won't … I won't..."

She waits. He should trail off. He should stop.

He should tell her how he feels.

"You're … Jade, you're my most important friend," he tells her, struggling. "Don't you know that? I don't … I shouldn't have kissed you. I shouldn't have made you mad. I just … I really need you to not be mad at me anymore."

"Why did you do it?" she asks him, again, suddenly.

"I wanted to." He shrugs. When she just raises her eyebrows, he blushes hotly. "What! Why are you so surprised? I mean … you … you're so beautiful." That's not all, no, but he's hardly even let himself think of it since it happened. Well, not the why. Just the aftermath.

She snorts before she can help herself, but she recovers quickly. "So you aren't actually genderless."

"That's not nice," he frowns at her, but he feels about eight thousand times better already.

Jade rolls her eyes at him. She doesn't say sorry. "I'm not _mad_ at you. You're just an idiot."

"I know," he says.

"You, like – you don't even know what you want. What happened to, 'you can't just go up and kiss someone like that'?"

"Would you have prepared and let me if I told you I was going to?" He gives her a small lopsided smile.

Jade thinks about it. "Probably not."

"Oh."

"Umm, gross, you had Cat spit on you and salad breath."

He laughs. "I did not!"

"You so did!"

Stephanie, DJ, and Michelle pick up on the laughter – he guesses there hasn't been much around here lately – and start chattering and hooting amongst themselves. Jade rolls her eyes. "Now look at what you're done," she mutters.

"You're their mother," he reminds her.

"Oh, I am not!"

"Oh, right. You're Aunt Becky."

She rolls her eyes heavily at him. "God, I loathe you so, so much."

She goes to the kid's cage and lets them out. They instantly scatter all over the room. Jade sighs and scoops up Michelle. "You," she tells the white-and-black one, "are my least favorite. I should drown you."

"_Jade!"_

"But I won't," she adds grudgingly. She lets Michelle drop to the floor. Michelle scurries over to Robbie, who pats her protectively.

Just like that, it's easy again.

* * *

As the rest of April drains by, they furiously edit their film. Tori raises her eyebrows at Robbie when he and Jade walk into the Improv classroom the next week, talking about vegetarian burritos like Jade hadn't been giving him the cold shoulder all the previous week.

Robbie shrugs at her. Tori purses her lips and doodles in her notebook.

The Spring Fling dance is at the end of the week, Friday night. Robbie really doesn't want to go, and he hides in his room all day after work and ignores Tori's _thirteen_ phone calls.

He's finally starting to relax and he's about to pull Rex out from the hall closet when he hears the loud and unyielding honk of someone leaning on their car horn. He runs to the window and looks out. Cat's car is in his driveway, and Tori is stepping out in a bright green dress and walking up to his front door.

"Peppercorns!" Robbie yells in despair.

Tori doesn't even knock! She walks right into his foyer! "Robbie Shapiro!" she yells sharply up the stairs. "I know you're here! I see your car in the driveway!"

"I'm sick!" he calls down, trying to fit himself into the linen closet.

"Oh, you are not!"

"I have acid indigestion!"

"You do _not!_"

He thinks for a moment.

"I'm having a bowel movement!" he hollers down. A bunch of towels and Jess's old bath robe fall onto his head. "I can't process corn! Don't come up here, Tori!"

There's a long silence from downstairs. Then Tori calls up, "Okay, firstly – _disgusting_. Secondly, your bathroom is downstairs, you lying liar!"

"Who – who says I'm in the bathroom?" Robbie says despairingly.

"_Robbie!"_

"Aw man," he moans. He kicks the towels out of his path. He peeps his head out over the banister.

Tori stares up at him from the bottom on the steps with her hands on her hips. "You aren't even dressed!" she cries.

"I'm not going to another dance," he tells her in great fear. She glares at him and puts her foot on the first step. Robbie backs up nervously.

"Yes you are," she says. She takes another step.

"No I'm not," he says.

Tori charges him. He's amazed at how fast she can move in those stilettos! He shrieks and tries to make it to his room. He doesn't. He trips. She catches him by his collar. "Robbie Shapiro, you put on that tie I bought you!"

"I won't!" he cries.

"You will!" she yells.

He does.

Tori combs his hair for him. She frowns as it fluffs out instead of settling. "I think I have some hairspray in my purse..." she murmurs.

"No! No hairspray!"

"Don't you want to look good for Jade?" Tori simpers.

He flushes furiously and glares at her. "Tori! Jade isn't going to your dance either! You're delusional!"

"Maybe Cat and Andre are holding her hostage in the car right now," Tori tells him sweetly. "Maybe Cat took all of her bottles of hair dye and hid those scissors that you bought her."

Robbie stares at her with his mouth open. "You're a demon, Tori Vega," he says finally. "You're a black-hearted, evil woman."

Tori smiles happily. She sprays him with her perfume.

"We thought you'd be together, actually," she tells him, pulling his tie too tight and also attacks him with a mini bottle of hairspray. When had she even taken that out? Where had she gotten it? He whips his head around. Her purse isn't even in his room!

"We were just going to hog-tie you together and lock you in the back of Beck's RV until we got to school," Tori is saying.

"Horrible," Robbie sputters. "Wicked, horrible demon!"

Eventually Tori pokes and primps him into something that she deems acceptable. She leads him out of the house with a death grip on his wrist. She deposits him outside the rear passenger door of Cat's car, and she sort of … crouches, looking ready to tackle him if he makes a move to bolt.

Reluctantly he opens the door. Jade's sitting in the backseat, looking pissed off. She's wearing her green shirt and black yoga pants. "You too?" she asks.

He nods sadly. He slides in next to her. Cat puts down the safety locks.

"Why didn't they make you get dressed up?" he asks her indignantly. Tori had made him put on his shiny dress shirt. He's just thrilled at the prospect of Jade teasing him for it all night.

Jade just raises her eyebrow at him. "Would you be brave enough to try that?"

"I guess not," Robbie says thoughtfully.

Jade sniffs him. "You smell like Tori," she says in disgust.

* * *

The Spring Fling is in full … ah, yeah, swing when they arrive. Andre, Cat, Beck, and Alison form a tight group around Robbie and Jade as they enter the upperclassmen auditorium. He feels like he's being led to his execution.

Behind them, he can hear Tori asking Principal Helen if she can padlock the doors for a few hours. Next to him, Jade growls.

Cat throws a handful of confetti on him. He's going to take her credit card to Fiesta City and cut it up, Better yet, he'll _burn_ it.

He drinks some punch. His lab partner, Chrissy, comes up to him, expressing surprise that he's showed up. She asks him to dance, but he declines. He looks around at his friends. Across the room, Beck is spinning Jade around. She laughs. Her black hair changes colors under the strobe lights.

Robbie looks away. He stands awkwardly in the back of the giant room, by the stage, talking to Tori and Cat for a while. Tori fixes his tie for the ninth time.

"So handsome," she and Cat coo. Robbie rolls his eyes. Talk about lying liars. He goes to sit on the bleachers that are set up on the opposite side of the room. There's no one else really up there. The rest of his classmates are happy to be dancing to horrible pop songs. Robbie wishes for some Creedence. God, he'd even take some Courtney Love. What is happening to his life?

After a while, Jade joins him up in the stands. He hasn't been able to spot her for the last hour. He wonders, a bit bitterly, if she's been off dancing with Beck this whole time.

"Where have you been?" he asks her, struggling to keep his voice light.

"Oh, just around," she says mysteriously.

Wonderful.

They just sit around for a while, making fun of people's fashion faux-pas and Lane trying to dance with Helen. After a bit, though, things start to get a little … strange. Lane's got his arm thrown around Sikowitz. Chrissy has fallen down twice, and the train of her dress is ripping off. Beck spins Alison and she flies into the snack table.

"Do you think … people are acting … odd?" he asks.

"Odd how?" Jade asks innocently. "Like they're …. drunk? Or something?"

Robbie stares at her. Jade smirks and waves her giant purse at him. He hears bottles clinking together.

"_Jade!"_ he cries. Jade throws her head back and laughs uproariously and he flounders for words.

"Oh, Albert, I've missed you sounding like that," she tells him. She actually wipes a tear of laughter out of the corner of her eye!

"Jade!" he squawks again. "You spiked the punch? How did you get that alcohol in your purse?"

"Um, I put it there," Jade tells him. She pats his cheek. "Tori didn't dress me like she did you."

"She didn't dress me," he says, blushing hotly.

A fight breaks out between two seniors. They keep trying to punch each other, but luckily are mostly missing.

"How much punch did they _have?_" Jade asks, eyebrows raised. She leans forward with interest.

"Jade!" he cries for a third time. "Our whole school is drunk! Our friends are drunk! Ali's an underclassman! Her dad is going to ground her until, like, college!"

"Hm," Jade says, knitting her brows together. "I didn't exactly think of that."

Robbie sighs exaggeratedly. He and Jade troop down the bleacher – why does she have to be wearing _that_ shirt again? He wonders as he watches her back and follows her. They round up their friends and push them out of the auditorium. It's just past nine.

"Everything is going great!" Tori bellows, wrapping her arms around Robbie's neck.

"Yup, yup," says Robbie, worming out of her grip. "Tori, did you have any punch?"

"A liiiiiittle." She waggles her fingers at him, then bops him on the nose. "Five fingaz to the face!" She giggles as Robbie sneezes.

"Dear lord," says Robbie.

Beck is surveying them all with a little smile on his face. "I didn't have any of your spiked punch," he tells Jade.

"Ahaha," Jade says a little nervously.

"We need to get out of here," Robbie says. He smacks Cat's hand away from his tie. "How should we leave?"

"Can you drive Cat's car?" Beck asks him. He nods. "Okay, can you take Tori and Cat home? I'll take care of Ali and Andre."

They separate quickly. He puts his hands on Tori's shoulders and steers her out to the parking lot. Jade's got her arm wrapped around Cat, who's giggling and playing with her hair. She looks aggrieved. As she should, he thinks, but he isn't really upset. Tori should know better than to ever try and make Jade do something. She always wins, in her own twisted way.

He drives slowly and carefully to Tori's house. The drive passes without much incident, though his tie does end up on the side of the freeway. Jade is sitting in the backseat squished between the two other girls, trying to keep them in check. They'd decided that having either of them in the front seat with Robbie driving would have been a bad idea. As well, they can't have them alone together in the backseat, either.

Tori leans over Jade. "Cat, your hair is soooo pretty," she drawls.

Cat giggles. "Your hair is so pretty too, Tori!" The girls touch each other's faces. Jade, trapped in between them, shoots Robbie a desperate look.

Robbie is mildly disturbed. "Ladies, Cat's car isn't a brothel!" he intones a bit frantically. Cat laughs at him.

"You sound like my grandfather," she tells him. _What?_

He has to sneak Tori in through the French doors at the back of her house. Jade stays in the car with Cat, who actually starts to _cry _when Tori leaves. Jade covers Cat's mouth with her hand and hisses at her. Cat nuzzles her.

"Please hurry," Jade tells him.

He tiptoes up to Tori's room and leaves her to sprawl on her bed. "I'm going to write about this in my LiveJournal!" she tells him.

"Good," he says. He doesn't know what that is. He creeps back downstairs. He hears Trina squawk, but he's already out the door. He bolts to Cat's car.

"Trina sighting!" he yells as he throws the car in gear and skids out of the driveway. Jade and Cat fall all over the backseat.

It's easier to get Cat into her house. Her parents are still out on their dinner date, and her brother intercepts her at the door. They leave the siblings on the porch. Michael's smoking something that definitely isn't a cigarette and Cat is telling him about Tori's hair and how she so doesn't look like Farrah Fawcett at all, but isn't Farrah so pretty too?

"I don't know _what _you started," Robbie tells Jade as they leave Cat's. They're car-less now, and they have to walk to Jade's. Thank god she only lives a few blocks from Cat.

Jade laughs. "Cat has always been such a weirdo. I wonder if she'll break up with Andre to date Tori's hair."

"Don't say that!" Robbie says, aghast. Jade just laughs again.

It's nearly ten by the time they get to Jade's house. Jade makes him help her search for her hair dye, but they don't find it. They sit in her kitchen and drink juice with some of her father's tequila mixed in it.

"Everyone else did it tonight," she tells him matter-of-factly.

"Beck didn't," he points out.

"Beck's a loser," she snaps.

Robbie thinks that Beck wasn't such a loser when he was spinning Jade around the stage, and he says this. Jade raises her eyebrows and laughs. "He was just being stupid," she tells him. "He loves Ali."

Oh.

"You're okay with that?"

Jade shrugs. "Yeah, I guess so," she says. "I mean, she's not that horrible. It's better than him dating Tori, like I thought he would. I mean … I've been over him for a while."

"Oh," he says.

"Yeah," Jade says again.

They drink their juice. Jade calls it a tequila sunrise, even though it's probably not. "I'm glad you decided to stop being weird," she tells him. "I missed teasing you for those four days when things were shitty."

"Me too," he says.

Jade looks at the floor, her glass, the table, the wall behind him. "You know you're my friend, too, right?" she asks the wall.

"Yeah," he says, smiling. "I guess I do."

"Good," is all she says. Then she frowns at the clock. "Oh, shit, it's like midnight. I guess I should take you home."

"Yeah, okay," he acquiesces. She takes his mostly-empty glass from him. He's a little dizzy as he stands up. "You're all right to drive?"

"Yeah," she waves a hand at him. "Beck and I used to drink, sometimes. I can handle it."

She drives him home, and they're mostly quiet, aside from the soft backfiring of her engine. She needs to get that check out, he thinks, leaning his head out the window. Creedence Clearwater Revival comes on the radio, and Jade lets him turn it up. He sings along loudly and tunelessly.

"This is, like, your favorite band," she observes.

"My dad liked them," is all he says. She nods. He sticks his head out the window and counts the streetlights as they fly by.

She drops in off in front of his dark house. The only light on is the one shining from his sister's room. Jade stays and waits to pull away until he's safely inside of the house. He watches through the molted glass on the side of the door as she drives away.

He falls asleep on the couch.

* * *

When he wakes up on Saturday morning, he feels good, oddly awake. It's just past eight. He has some texts from Tori and Cat. Tori asks, "Did someone put something in the punch?"

He showers and forces down a bowl of cereal. He checks to see if Jess is home – nope. Where would she go at 8 am? And then he heads out to his car. It's been weeks since he's gone to see his father. He feels guilty, but probably not as guilty as he should. Then he feels guilty about that.

The receptionist exclaims over him when he comes in and they chat for a few minutes. He tells her he's been busy with school. He tells her a little bit about his and Jade's film, the play that they just did.

"You starred in a play, wow, Robbie!" she exclaims. He grins.

He goes up to his father's room. Dad is still sleeping, and mutters and swats at him when Robbie tries to wake him. Robbie sits for a few minutes, restless, and eventually he leaves the room.

He pads down the hall to where Mrs Savidge's room is. God, he hasn't spoken to her in nearly a month! He pokes his head into her room. The bed is made up neatly, and it's missing her black-and-teal quilt. In fact, all of her personal belongings are gone. Robbie knits his brows together. Why would she have switched rooms? Well, perhaps she's moved downstairs – her arthritis had been getting pretty bad this winter, and it had been a mild one.

Robbie spies Cynthia, his father's aide, coming out of the back room holding a stack of clean towels. "Hey, Cynthia, did they move Anna? I mean – Mrs Savidge. She's not in her room."

Cynthia just stares at him She bites her lip.

"Oh … Robbie, I thought you knew," she says. "Mrs Savidge, she – she died. She passed away."

**AN: Dear God, I love jerking you guys around, don't I? I know I'm soooo frustrating. I wanted to drag out their fighting for much longer but I couldn't take it. Don't worry, Jade and Robbie ARE going to get together eventually. Jade has issues, too!**

**This chapter is loooong. This one took me all morning! I got too into the fluff. I need to stop doing that. Lolz at drunk Cat/Tori.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three **

"I don't understand," he says.

Cynthia is looking at him with her brown eyes wide and sympathetic, and he hates it absently. "I thought you knew," she says again. "I'm so, so sorry, Robbie."

She reaches out and places what he assumes is supposed to be a comforting hand on his shoulder. Her fingernails are painted dark red, he notes, catching a glimpse before they slide out of his line of vision.

"Are you all right? Robbie?"

"I … I … she just … when?"

"Two weekends ago," Cynthia tells him gently.

Oh.

God.

What had he been doing two weeks ago? The play. Joking and laughing with his friends. Kissing Jade. Not doing his homework. Freaking out about things that weren't even important.

"Two weeks?"

"I'm so sorry, honey. I know you liked her a lot."

"Yeah," Robbie croaks. "Yeah, I do. I mean. I did. I did."

Cynthia looks at him concernedly and bites her lip. "Are you … Um. Her family left some of her things here. Would you want to go through them? Maybe you can find something to remember her by."

"No," Robbie says stuntedly. "No thank you."

Cynthia is still talking, saying things he doesn't care to hear. He watches her lips move, but he doesn't hear the words. His ears have started ringing dangerously again.

When he had been young, he had had a lot of health problems. He had been born just over two months early, and for a while, everyone thought he'd die. He'd only been three pounds, and he'd been trapped in an incubator for almost two months. He'd had to drink goat's milk, even then. When they'd brought him home, Dad had told him, he'd still been so tiny, and Dad said he could hold him in the palm of his hand. Mom had shrieked when he did.

He had had colic, and he screamed all the time. Dad would drive him around, strapped in the back of the car he used to drive, and the slight rocking motion and the hum of the engine had been the only thing that would put Robbie to sleep. As a young child, his nose had bled constantly. He had had ear problems, as well, and sometimes his ears would ring so much that he couldn't help but cry then, too. They'd taken him to a specialist - he'd had to get ear tubes put in. He doesn't remember the surgery, but he remembers waking up, crying at his mother, and then vomiting on her. She hadn't been mad.

After that, the ringing had tapered off and stopped. He doesn't remember the last time his ears had buzzed like this. He had actually forgotten all about it until this moment. Maybe he's finally going deaf.

"I have to go home," he tells Cynthia decisively, or at least he thinks he tells her, but maybe he's just spoken in his head. She calls after him, maybe she does, but he just turns away from her. He walks out to his car. The receptionist speaks to him, too, but he doesn't look up.

He drives home. The radio is playing loudly, but he shuts it off with a flick of his wrist. He forgets what a stop sign is, and a car honks at him angrily. The driver flips him off. Robbie flips him off, too. He thinks he's crying.

Jess is curled up in her usual spot on the couch when Robbie comes crashing in through the foyer and into the living room. She's reading one of her Babysitter's Club books. She looks up when he bursts in.

They just stare at each other for a long moment.

They both open their mouths to speak at the same time, then pause and stare at each other some more.

"Mrs Savidge died!" Robbie finally bursts out, flapping his arms a little.

Jess's eyebrows go up. "_Who?_" she asks.

"Oh, you wouldn't know her!" Robbie snaps, flapping. He throws his jack onto the floor by the tv. He starts quickly up the steps. "She knitted me my scarf!"

Jess is following him up the steps. "That old lady from the nursing home? She died? Really?"

"Two weeks ago!" Robbie screams. "She's supposed to make me a pair of mittens!" He dashes into his room.

His sister hovers in the doorframe. When he turns to look at her, her face is all scrunched up. "Robbie, are you all right?"

"I'm fine!" he screams. "I'm fantastic! She's _dead!_" She's still got her Babysitter's book clutched in her fist, and he grabs it up out of her hands. "You're too old to be reading these! Where do you get these! This is trash! This isn't literature! You need to be reading at a seventh grade _level!_" He throws the book into the hallway. It rails through the wooden rungs of their staircase's safety rail and hits the landing with a soft _thump!_

"Robbie … ?" Jess wavers uncertainly.

He can't stop waving his arms. "Stop talking!" he yells. "You're not speaking to me! Leave me alone! I have to study!"

He slams the door in her face.

He lays on his bed. He doesn't want to, but he forces himself to lay down.

For the first time in what must be weeks, it seems as though he is overcome with energy. He can feel it crackling in his toes and his fingertips, thrumming through the rest of him, like a tightly wound band. It feels like electricity. He doesn't know what to do with it.

He's so stupid.

He didn't even ask Cynthia any questions, any of the questions that are racing through his mind. Why hadn't be stopped to think before he had left?

How did she die? Did she have a heart attack? Did she die in her bed? Did she fall? God, he hopes she didn't fall, or hit her head, or something like that. He hadn't even thought to ask about her funeral … which he has surely missed … or where she is buried.

_Buried!_

He knows that when someone at the nursing home passes away, people come with a big nondescript black van and they load them into the back out it. They must have put her into that van. Where did they take her?

It makes Robbie want to throw up. He has seen the men loading that van before, and they are not exactly _gentle. _What if they drop her? Oh God, what if they dropped her?

He also knows that one day, they'll put his father in that van, and then they'll drive him to whatever funeral home Mom tells them to take him to, and they will be sitting in the front seat, not knowing his father, not knowing anything. Maybe they'll tell jokes.

He lays on his bed. He thinks about Mrs Savidge in the black van.

He can hear Jess outside of his bed, and her voice gets louder and softer, like she's pacing the hallway. She tells someone she can't come over. Maybe it's Lizzie. Maybe that rat Karl. Why can't she come over?

"Go over!" he yells through his door.

Jess doesn't respond to him. It's quiet for a while.

He wonders why he had not seen this coming, why he had not worried about this coming. Mrs Savidge wasn't young, and it's not like she had buckets full of time to toss around every which way. Somehow, though, he had never entertained the thought of her dying.

Suddenly he remembers Christmastime, when she had called after him, but he had just barreled down the steps, ignoring her, because he had wanted to yell at his sister. That was the last time he had seen her. The other two times he had been to the retirement home, he hadn't had the time to stop in. So that's the last time she had seen him, his back to her, waving her off.

Now she's dead and she's been dead and all her stuff is gone and she's gone and she's in the ground and it must be so dark where she is and it's been two weeks, two weeks that she's stopped existing so that's maybe ten days in the ground, ten days she's been in the ground, and oh god, Robbie didn't know, he didn't know any of it.

He is a horrible person.

Outside in the hallway, Jess is talking again, and he catches snippets of what she is saying in a sort of hiccuping voice. " - don't know …. my book …. _screaming! _… can you come …. don't know …. mommy?"

Oh. She's talking to their mother.

She must be upset, because she's called her 'Mommy.' She hasn't done that since she was seven, maybe even earlier. Maybe six. Their mom is not what Robbie thinks of as a 'mommy.' When Robbie was a toddler, he called her 'Mother.' Dad thought it was funny. Mother didn't.

Why is she on the phone with their mother? And she sounds upset, too. What does she have to be upset about? Surely he didn't break the spine of her book.

She says, "Can't you just come home for once?"

He gets up and goes to his door. He throws it open.

"Don't call our mother!" he screams. She jerks her head up to look at him. She's sitting on the floor by the banister. "Are you talking to our mother?"

She doesn't respond. She just looks up at him, cradling the house phone to her ear. The cord is coiled many times around her wrist. Her nose is dripping and her eyes look red.

"Don't tell her to come home!" he screams at her. "She can't come home! She's sleeping with Billy! But I guess you already knew that!" Then he yells, for good measure, "Augh!"

He slams the door again.

Jess cries. He ignores it.

He stares at the ceiling all day. He doesn't eat. At some point, he sleeps.

* * *

When he wakes up in the morning, he feels like … well, he feels like what Andre would so eloquently call 'a shitburger.' He had thought it very vulgar when Andre said it, but now he feels it could turn to be a very apt term. His mouth feels like it's stuffed with cotton. His stomach is roiling and grumbling. The last thing he's had to eat or drink was Jade's tequila sunrise.

He pads his way slowly down the steps and into the kitchen. The room tilts back and forth. He finally reaches the coffee machine. He puts on a fresh pot.

It's still very early, barely six, but Jess is seated at the kitchen table, eating cereal. Cocoa Puffs. That must be nice for her. She watches him take a coffee mug from the cabinet above the sink with concern.

"Are you all right, Robbie?" she asks him.

"Yes," he says. He leans on the counter and stares at the coffee machine. "I have to go to school. Do you need a ride?"

"I don't think you should really be driving," Jess says doubtfully.

"I'm fine," he tells her. She opens her mouth to speak again, but he turns away from her.

Jess eats her cereal. They're quiet for a few minutes. Robbie listens to the coffee machine puttering out its last few drops and the sound of Jess's spoon clinking against her nearly empty bowl.

"Mom's not sleeping with that guy," Jess tells him.

"Oh?" Robbie says. "Did she tell you that? That's really good for her."

"What's your problem?" Jess asks.

"I don't have any problems. It's nice that you and Mom can talk about these things. I only had to call her three times for her to pick up her phone."

Jess makes her weird scrunched up not-quite-crying face at him. Robbie isn't looking at her directly, but he can see it out of the corner of his eye.

He is a bad brother He is a horrible brother. But he doesn't have the energy to apologize to her, not again. He starts going through the cabinets, looking for something he can eat. Cereal. Pasta. Soup with noodles that he can't eat. Boxes of pudding that are definitely not gluten-free. There's nothing for him in this house. There never is.

He doesn't remember saying goodbye to Jessica or driving away in his car, but suddenly he looks up and he's standing in the parking lot of Hollywood Arts. His car is clicking beside him, the engine cooling. He checks the time on his mostly-dead cell phone. He's a bit early. He has good timing.

He goes inside and heads to his locker. The hallways are still fairly empty. He's trying his combination for the third time when he spies someone approaching in his peripheral vision. He can immediately tell it's Jade, before she even speaks.

When she does speak, she says, "Holy crap, you look like … well, crap, Shapiro."

"Thank you," he says demurely. He finally gets his locker open. He stares sadly at his Biology book, settled atop the first shelf and glaring at him. He hasn't written up their lab. Chrissy's going to be mad.

He thinks Jade says something, but he doesn't catch it. He's silently apologizing to his Bio Lab notebook. Or at least what he hopes is his Bio Lab notebook. It's a black notebook, but since Jade has covered two of his others in Sharpie pen, it could be his math notebook, or it could be the one he uses to take notes in Sikowitz's class. Normally he could differentiate them very easily, but his vision is a little blurred for some reason.

He turns to look at Jade. She frowns at him. Her lips look bigger and really pouty when she does that. "Are you all right, Shapiro?"

"I'm fine," he says. "I have a lot of homework."

"Are you sure?" She's sort of leaning in at him, and he wishes she wouldn't.

"I'm sure I have a lot of homework," he tells her.

Jade frowns again, and she does her patented left eyebrow raise. The silver stud gleams at him. "Did something happen?" she asks. In a lower voice, she says, "Is your dad, like, all right?"

It's very courteous of her to lower her tone when speaking of his father, as she knows what no one else knows. He'll have to thank her properly for her conduct later.

"My dad's fine," he says.

"Okay," she says doubtfully. She opens her mouth to say something else, but he interrupts her.

"Do you have anything I can eat?"

Jade furrows her brow at him. "Ummm. Maybe. Hold on." She shoulders her messenger bag and leaves him, walking down the hall a bit to her own locker. He watches her as though he's under water. Everything is fuzzy. He touches his face to check if he's wearing his glasses. He is.

Jade shifts around some stuff in her locker. Some crumpled papers fall to the floor, but she doesn't pick them up. He sees she has the picture of her and Cat holding hands taped up. She also has a group shot of them after they'd all sang for the chancellor. Tori is half out of the frame, trying to snag the chancellor as he'd walked by. He notes that she doesn't have the picture of her and Beck taped up.

She comes back and waves a pack of two rice cakes in his face. "Here," she says. "They expire yesterday. So have at them."

"Thanks," he says. He tears into them. She watches him eat. He doesn't mind. He doesn't know what she's waiting for. Maybe she wants to converse with him further. "How was your Sunday?" he asks her. Some crumbs fall out of his mouth. He doesn't care.

"It was cool," she says slowly. Her eyebrow has not gone back down this whole time.

The first bell rings.

"Come on. We don't want to be late," Robbie says, picking up his bookbag. He thinks she walks next to him into Improv, but he can't be sure.

Cat chatters at him all through Sikowitz's class. When she finds him outside of his math classroom, she trails beside him to the cafeteria, still chattering on. She's wanted to talk about the Spring Fling, but now for some reason she's telling him about Shakespeare's birthday passing.

"What are you talking about?" he demands. They're in the lunch line. Cat's plate is loaded up with pizza and green beans and three chocolate puddings. Robbie's tray is empty. "I don't know what you're talking about. I never know what you're talking about."

Cat frowns at him and her bottom lip pushes out dangerously. Dimly he feels bad, but he ignores the feeling.

Everyone stares at him when he comes to sit at the table. He looks down at his tray and sees that it is still empty. Why hadn't he picked up the salad he'd been looking at?

Cat keeps glancing at him and pouting.

Beck taps him on the shoulder. "Robbie?" he asks.

"Yes?" he says.

"You … you're talking to yourself."

"No I'm not," he says.

Beck frowns at him. "Yes, you are. Are you all right? Who's Billy?"

_Billy?_ Why does Beck think he's talking about _Billy?_ He hasn't even been thinking about _Billy! _And why wouldn't be be all right? Beck is losing it, he notes sadly.

"Where are Tori and Jade?" he asks him instead.

Beck frowns at him some more. "They ... went up to the lunch truck. They're getting something for you to eat. Are you okay, man?" he repeats.

"I'm fine," Robbie says.

Beck starts talking at him, saying something about … oh hell, he doesn't know. Maybe crickets or feelings or hair products or Full House. Those are the four cycles of Beck. It must be nice to be Beck. Robbie isn't listening. Beck frowns at him and looks at him and pushes his hair back and his lips move and Robbie doesn't know why he can't hear him.

Mrs Savidge can't hear anything. He looks away.

Jade and Tori come back into the courtyard. He thinks they've been talking amongst themselves, but they fall silent as they approach the table. Tori pushes a salad and some chicken breast at him.

"A perfectly kosher lunch!" she tells him brightly. He stares at her. He tries to smile. She looks perturbed. What's wrong with everyone?

The girls take their seats. Jade sits beside him, and Tori, weirdly, is on her other side. She usually sits across the table, next to Andre.

He doesn't want to be rude, so he spends most of lunch artfully rearranging the cherry tomatoes on his plate to make it look as though he's eaten something. He watches his friends. Beck is frantically trying to finish a paper for English class, so between that and shooting concerned looks at Robbie, he's quite busy. Beside him, Alison reads a book calmly and eats the french fries off of his plate and drinks his soda.

Andre's writing a new song. He uses his pen to tap out a tempo on Cat's forearm and then scribbles into his notebook. Cat giggles and eats a lot of candy. Good for her.

Tori keeps leaning in and whispering to Jade, who responds with a variation of shrugs and "No"s and "I don't know"s. Tori frowns. She looks at Robbie. She whispers to Jade. "No," says Jade. Tori's brows furrow dangerously low on her face. She looks like a cartoon character. She whispers some more. "I don't _know,_" says Jade. She takes a ferocious bite out of her chicken sandwich.

In Lit Media, they're watching another film, and Robbie puts his head down on his knapsack and sleeps through it. He doesn't know how or why. He must have slept twelve hours since yesterday.

He doesn't want to be at school, and have people talk at him. He wants to be in his room, thinking. He wants to be alone. He has spent so much time alone in his life - it isn't fair that everyone should want a piece of him now.

"Can you edit without me today?" he asks Jade when class is over. "I have to go home. I have to – go home."

"Um, yeah, I guess so," she says, making a weird face at him. It's somewhere between the sour-lemon face and the why-are-we-still-talking face.

"Okay," he says, "Good. Good. You can do whatever you want with it."

"I will," Jade says. He should smile at this, but he just stares at her. Jade slides her messenger bag over her shoulder. "Are you all right?" she asks him, same as this morning, and she looks a little pissed off, probably that she's asking a second time. She is worried about him, he realizes. "You're being kind of … manic."

"I'll be better tomorrow," Robbie tells her, and he decides that he will be. He won't be horrible to her, too.

**AN: This was an interesting chapter to write. It's neat to write Robbie slowly cracking and not being super-nice and careful in what he says to his friends and family all of the time. There's also a lot of serious stuff in this one, and it was sort of fun to do, but I'm also hoping I did it well.  
**

**Oh my gosh, so many reviews since yesterday! I can't remember them all. ZenNoMai, you SO know what I'm doing with Robbie/Jade. I think it's pretty obvious to the whole universe, aside from Robbie. Boys are dumb. WHOOO!  
**


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

Robbie goes home.

He writes up his assignments for Bio Lab. He recopies his equations for math onto a new piece of looseleaf that isn't sort of ripped and crumpled. He reads his English assignment and answers the insipid follow-up questions.

He cleans his room. He reorganizes the hall closet – it's still all messed up from when he had tried to hide from Tori in there. No one has touched it since, though – no surprise. Downstairs, he stacks up all the dirty plates Jess had used over the past few days and he washes them.

There's no food. Robbie calls upstairs to his sister, and is a little surprised when she actually appears, peeping around the banister and down at him. "Want to go grocery shopping?" he asks.

"All right," she says hesitantly.

He tells her she can get whatever she wants, so she loads up on sugary cereals and frozen pizzas and Pop-Tarts and pudding and yogurts. When she's filled the cart nearly to halfway she pauses and sort of frowns at him. "Aren't you getting anything?"

"Oh," says Robbie. He looks around. What is he hungry for?

Jess scoffs and takes the cart from him and rolls off, flip-flops clacking loudly. She rolls down the gluten-free aisle. Robbie follows her. He watches her pile the cart high with wheat-free food. When it comes time to pay, he gives the woman at the register all of the cash in his wallet. He's forgotten to take Mom's credit card from the kitchen counter.

Then they're home again, and it's just the two of them, as usual, in their great big house with plastic on the couch covers.

Jess sort of helps him put the groceries away and they don't really talk much. When they've finished, the only noise is that from the plastic bags they're scrunching up and sticking in the junk drawer. It's filled with them. You never know when you'll need a plastic bag. Then they just stand in the kitchen.

"I guess I should go start my homework," Jess says dismally.

"Okay," says Robbie.

She leaves. He stays in the kitchen. He is finished all of his homework, and it's seven-thirty.

Mrs Savidge, Anna – his friend – is still dead.

He goes into the living room. He takes the plastic off the couch. He sits down. He counts the minutes tick away.

* * *

A few weeks go by.

He and Jade edit their film. Jade does the bulk of it, but he helps a lot. The first week she raises her eyebrow at him almost constantly, and he knows he's acting strangely, so he tries to be better. He asks her about the children. He lets her put in _The Scissoring_ for the, now, tenth time. She seems a little satisfied after that. He tries to be better.

Andre is stuck on the guitar riff for a new song, so Robbie stays in the music room with him one day, plucking at strings until he does something Andre likes. Earlier, Andre had given him a weird look.

"Don't you have Math this period?" he asks Robbie.

"Yeah, I do," Robbie says.

Andre frowns.

Robbie plays a C chord.

Tori gets a B on her History test. He congratulates her. He's gotten a B too.

"You're slipping, Robbie!" she says. She is laughing. She shakes his shoulders. He frowns.

The sign-up sheet for the showcase glares at him. He writes his name down and he writes Rex's. He has been ignoring the dummy for too long, and this is what he had been good at, the first thing he has been good at. He starts taking Rex to school with him again. He needs to practice more. He needs to be better.

He works with Rex late into the nights. Showcase auditions are on Friday, the eighteenth of May. He works on a bit long into the nights, but he can't get it right. Sometimes he brings Rex to Jade's house. She won't let him bring Rex into her bedroom, so he leaves him out in the hall.

Jade and Tori give the dummy a dismayed look on the day that they see Rex seated at the lunch table with him.

"This is back again?" Jade says.

"Back in black, baby," Rex tells her.

Jade scoffs. Rex waggles his eyebrows at her.

One very early morning he wakes up and there's a blanket over him. He's fallen asleep on the couch. Rex is on the floor beneath his feet. He wonders where the blanket has come from. Maybe Jess. Maybe his mom.

His mother has left a picture on the end table beside him. It's an old photo. She's with his father on the couch – a different couch than the one they have in the living room now. It seems to be bigger and it is a dark forest green color. Dad's arm is around her and he's grinning, his mouth open as though he's been caught in the middle of speaking. What had he been saying? Mom has a three-year-old Robbie on her lap. He's reaching up to try and touch her hair. Mom is laughing in the photo, too. He wonders who took it. Maybe that's who Dad is talking to.

He wonders why Mom has left it for him. They look happy. They aren't happy now. Is this supposed to show that she cares? How? She should be able to do more than an old picture. He tears it in half, carefully, and then he rips it into a quarter. He puts it atop the kitchen trash. The trash can is nearly full, but he doesn't take it out. He hopes she sees it there, destroyed. He hopes it upsets her.

If she sees it, he thinks, it's probably the meanest thing he's done. But she probably won't see it.

* * *

He's making a salad for dinner.

Jess isn't home yet – she's still at soccer practice, but she's been talking to him more, and so, she will have dinner ready for her when she gets home. It's just a salad, yeah – it's hard for the two of them to ever decide on something to eat, since he's allergic to the whole planet and she is not.

She can eat some breadsticks, too, he decides. But not those gross frozen pizzas she likes.

He feels not too bad today – Jade had forced him to eat some chicken at lunch, holding him at bay with her silverware and jabbing her metal fork into his side whenever he'd stop eating and start picking.

"You look like you just fell off the train to Bergen-Belsen," she'd told him.

"_Jade!_" Tori had absolutely screamed in horror. Jade had looked at her and said, "What?"

"It's okay," Robbie'd said. "I'm only half-Jewish."

His mom has a set of fancy, stainless steel knives in the kitchen, big ivory handles (they might actually be bone, Robbie thinks, is that even still legal?) with engraved sides, but she doesn't really like them to be taken out and there are older ones in the drawer by the sink that they usually use. She isn't here to squawk at him and not make sense about anything, though. If you've bought something, why shouldn't you use it? It's like how she has those stupid plastic covers on their nice couches.

Anyway, you take a good thing and you cover it up and Robbie feels like eventually you'll forget that it was good.

He's using the paring knife to cut the tomato – it's the smallest knife and also the sharpest. It's a little awkward to cut with because the length of the tomato is longer than that of the blade, but it's quicker.

Outside, Grizzly's started to bark excitedly and Robbie looks out the kitchen window, dream-like, to watch the dog play in the street. David, one of the boys, is crab-walking the street opposite him, preparing to tackle.

He's so busy smiling like an idiot at Grizzly through the window, barking and gruffing at David from the sidewalk, that he doesn't realize the tomato's come to an end and this time when he brings the blade down, it slices easily right into his index finger and drags along, leaving a deep jagged cut that winds at a curve up from his second knuckle into the sensitive fleshy part of his finger. The blade is so sharp that he doesn't even feel it.

But he does feel the knife when he hits the bone, and he looks down and cries out comically, jerking the blade upward in a spastic motion. He can actually _feel_ the knife pull out of his flesh.

"Ahh, shutters!" he mutters, tossing the knife down aside the cutting board. The blood wells up slowly from the twisted wound and Robbie thinks for a moment that it's probably not that bad, but a moment later when he dabs at the cut with a damp paper towel, it starts to bleed a _lot_, and sting sharply.

The cut is deep, to the bone, and he guesses if he wanted he could just about hook an opposing fingernail in there and pry a huge chunk of flesh from the pad of his finger. Which is so gross, but with the jagged way the cut moves up his finger, he knows a bandaid won't really help.

"Pared myself," Robbie says to Rex, who is sitting propped up on the kitchen table. "Like unraveling a shrimp." It doesn't make much sense and it isn't really funny, but Robbie's never really the funny one, Rex is, and _goddamnit his finger really flipping hurts_.

He's gone through a whole roll of paper towels by the time Jess comes in a half hour later and is making himself a weird band-aid/finger sling out of gauze and duct tape. He's slid to the floor and is leaning with his back against a cabinet, pulling a line of tape free with his teeth.

Jess gasps, drops her backpack, and is across the kitchen in a second flat, but when she reaches him she doesn't seem to know what to do, and hovers over him like a baby deer. "Robbie! What happened!" Her voice is a yelp. He remembers how big and dark her eyes looked in that moment.

"Just cut my finger," he tells her, trying to smile. He feels badly for having her see all this blood.

Jess is frowning, already moving away to pick up a handful of his discarded bloody paper towels and muttering about how that's too much blood and oh BOY Robbie used the good knives, he must want Mom to have not one but two cows, but Robbie isn't really listening to her now. He's thinking of how quick that cut happened, and how he didn't even feel the blade in his finger. Didn't even start to feel it until a few seconds later.

After school, the next day, he drives himself to the emergency room -

his hand had started to bleed again in Improv, soaking through the gauze. Cat had screamed a little bit, even though it totally wasn't that bad. After she calms down, he's in the midst of revealing the cut to Beck when Jade materializes between them, grabbing at Robbie's wrist and saying with something that is weirdly akin to admiration: "God, the flesh is, like, _separated!_ It looks like roast beef! You should have gone to the hospital. You need stitches for that, bozo! Now they'll probably have to amputate half your finger."

- and they don't have to amputate his finger but he does have to sit in the waiting room for almost two hours and then it takes forever and a day for the doctor to stitch him up, lecturing and questioning all the while. It takes seventeen stitches to close the wound, and though he's given a shot, Robbie feels each one. It's not like the paring knife at all. That knife, it hadn't hurt him at all.

* * *

One day he's leaving Hollywood Arts, heading out the side entrance, when he sees all his friends trooping out of a dim classroom. They all stop and stare at him. What are they doing? Probably forming a new fake sports team. Maybe one with no puppets allowed, he thinks sarcastically.

"Hey, Rob-Man," Beck says, sliding his arm around Robbie's shoulder. It's weird.

"Hi," Robbie says. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," says Andre. He puts his arm around Robbie's other shoulder. It's weird, too. They must be talking about him. Now they feel guilty. The boys walk Robbie out of the school. The girls are gathered behind him. Jade's hair is in braids, for some reason. Cat must have done it. It's nice that they're getting closer again. Jade has told him the other week that Cat was her first real friend. It's a nice thing for her to admit.

"We're all going to go get something to eat," Beck says motheringly. Weird. "You look like you need it. Want to come with us?"

"I have to go home," Robbie says. "I have things to do. Jess has a soccer game."

Beck frowns at him. They let him go, though.

He doesn't go home. He goes to visit Dad. He's been going to see his father more and more as of late. He is beginning to understand that time is precious. He can't take the risk of something happening to Dad, too, and him not being there.

There isn't enough time.

He has so much to do. He needs to be better. He needs to stop being horrible.

He keeps his head down when he passes by Anna's old room. He won't look at it. It isn't her room now, not anymore. Another lady has moved in. Robbie doesn't introduce himself.

He talks to Dad a lot, though Dad usually frowns and interrupts him.

"Who are you?" his father demands. "Do you work upstairs?"

"Don't you know me?" Robbie asks him desperately.

"You work upstairs."

"I don't work upstairs!" Robbie tells him. He stands up and his Biology notes go fluttering to the ground. "Don't you know me!"

"No."

"I'm your son!" Robbie screams.

Dad frowns at him. His gaze is watery and unfocused. He takes his glasses off. He wipes them on his shirt. He doesn't appear to know what to say.

"Don't you know me?" Robbie asks again.

"I don't know you. What are you doing here? Why are you yelling? You're a grown man."

No he's not. He's not a grown man. He's only sixteen. Why doesn't his father know this?

Robbie runs out to his car.

He calls Jade. He asks her about the kids. He asks her if they need a new habitat. He asks her if she remembers when they'd locked Danny in the utility closet.

"Where are you?" Jade demands. "Your voice sounds weird." He hears unfamiliar people chattering in the background. She must be out with her other friends, he thinks. He isn't so important. Why had he called, again?

"My voice isn't weird," he tells her, and he hangs up. If she calls him back, he doesn't know, because his phone decides to die.

May the eighteenth comes. Robbie and Rex sit up on the stage and do their skit for Helen. Rex is being especially mean to him that day and he keeps interrupting Robbie and making him mess up the punchlines. Helen doesn't think it's hilarious like she did at their re-entry trials.

"You don't look like you're enjoying yourself up there," she tells him. "Is this really the craft you want to go with?"

This is the only craft he can go with.

"So I didn't make the cut?" he asks her.

She gives him a tight-lipped smile. He decides he doesn't like her. "Maybe next year," she says.

He sees Jade and Cat when he's leaving the school.

"Hey, Robbie!" Cat calls out to him. He ignores her, but he can't ignore when Jade hollers to him, "Puppet-boy!"

He turns and walks over to them. "I didn't get into the talent showcase!" he yells suddenly.

Cat looks taken aback. Jade shrugs. "The talent showcase is stupid," she tells him.

"It's not stupid!" he cries. "I wanted my mother to come and see it!" He waves Rex around. He hasn't realized that's what he wants until he's just said it.

"Does your mother like brussell sprouts?" Cat asks him politely.

Robbie stares at her. What is she talking about?

"Do you even think about anything you say?" he asks her. "Do you think about these things before you say them? I don't think you do."

Cat is frowning at him and he thinks she says something else, but doesn't hear her.

"You don't think about anything!" he yells her. Maybe he's being too loud.

Jade pushes in front of Cat and she pushes Robbie back. "Lay off of Cat," she tells him sharply. She's being loud, too. "What's your problem, Shapiro?"

Robbie laughs. "I don't have any problems."

Jade just looks him up and down. "I think you've got a lot of problems, Puppet-Boy. Maybe you should figure them out."

He doesn't really have anything to say back to this, so he turns and walks away, leaving the girls staring at him. Jade yells something after him, but he can't understand it. His ears are ringing again.

He drives to his house. His car runs out of gas three block away from home – how has he not put gas in his car? He always puts gas in his car! - so he gets out and runs the rest of the way.

He doesn't see Jess anywhere. The front door is unlocked. She is always doing this! Does she want someone to come in and murder them?

He throws Rex to the floor in the foyer. Rex doesn't react. Rex is as useless as he is. Puppet Boy, he thinks, and he picks Rex up and throws him again. The puppet bounces off the steps. One of his arms comes off. There's a crack in his head.

Robbie goes into the downstairs bathroom. This bathroom is bigger, and has a jacuzzi tub. There's a huge hanging mirror suspended by the side wall. When Robbie had been little, he'd thought this mirror was the coolest thing. It even sways lightly back and forth, sometimes.

He puts his hands on the mirror and he looks at himself. Jade is right, he is too skinny. When has this started happened? He looks like a monster.

His ears are thrumming and ringing again. He can't make it stop. Sometimes he can't even pay attention during class it gets so bad. His grade in Math is going down, and Chrissy says she wants a new lab partner? Why? She never contributes to anything. She should be pleased he'd learning from her.

The blood rushes through his head and echoes in his eardrums. It says his name: Rob-bie, Rob-bie. Why won't it stop? He just wants a moment to think. Why had Jade yelled at him like that? Why had Cat looked so upset?

Rob-bie, Rob-bie. He pounds his hands on the glass a little. The mirror sways, or maybe he is swaying. He can't remember it moving so much before. He wants it to stop.

He hits the glass again. Jade had said he was being mean to Cat. But he isn't mean to anyone. He has to try really hard not to snap sometimes. Doesn't she know that? Can't she see that? Why can't she understand that he is trying?

There is so much _noise. _Is he talking to himself? Is that what he hears? His head is pounding. Maybe the door is pounding. Rob-bie, Rob-bie, the blood thrums. It's like there's a loud knocking in his head. He hits the mirror. His open palms slap against the glass. It feels cool against his hands.

He hits the glass again, harder this time, too hard, because then the glass is shattering and the whole mirror is falling on him, and what a sound it makes! His fists go right through the glass. It rains down on his hands and face. Robbie pulls back, he slips. Jagged edges tear at his skin. It hurts, it doesn't hurt. He falls.

The pounding doesn't stop. He realizes that there is someone knocking at the door. It's getting louder and louder. It wasn't in his head at all.

The room spins and turns red.

**Author's Note: Dear LORD! I've been waiting since I started this story to write this chapter (and the last one, but mostly this), and 90,000 frickin' words later I've finally been able to do it. It was a blast to do so, but also incredibly hard. This has been emotionally draining to write! I know it seems disjointed, but if it is, then … well … I done good. That's what I wanted to convey. It's been a long time coming.**

**Thank you again to my little posse of reviewers, and everyone else who's left a review or favorite'd the story. :)**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five  
**

He's very lucky, he is told later.

He doesn't really remember very much aside from the parade of strange faces that come and go, some needles, and a lot of yelling. But he doesn't really remember much of anything from the past week weeks, if he wants to be honest with himself.

He floats in and out of a pain-filled haze for what must be a century. He's in – he's in a room. It's not his room. He ruminates on this for a bit, in between the bouts of black that must be sleep, and he decides he must be in the hospital. Sometimes people come in and give him pills. He doesn't look at their faces. It's always too-dim or too-bright and it's pretty cold and _oh god his arms and wrists hurt. _Machines are jangling quietly and he tries to count the different beeps but he can't keep track of anything. He has to pee and then he doesn't and eventually he understands with a dim shame that he must be hooked up to a catheter.

The faces come and the faces go. They ask him how he is, they ask him if he needs anything. _Is_ he anything? He tries to talk but his tongue feels like cotton and he thinks he's choking, but he can't be because the machines aren't beeping enough for that. He has nightmares of Rex and cutting boards and knives made out of bone. He thinks he sees his mother, but she's red-faced and crying and messy, so that must be a dream as well. He's afraid. He's hungry but there's nothing he wants. He must be dead. He must be in purgatory.

Eventually the haze clears.

He's not in purgatory and he's not dead. He's in a hospital in the northern part of the county.

There's a pretty blonde face that's back again. He has seen it before. He thinks it's his nurse's face. Her voice is gentle but loud enough that he can hear her, can actually understand her. She's the one that tells him he's been in the hospital. She says that his doctor has been keeping him heavily sedated to keep his body functions low and to build up his levels. She tells him that his blood-sugar was dangerously low, and she asks him when the last time was that he actually ate something. He doesn't know.

He asks her what had happened. He thinks he knows, but he tells her he doesn't. He doesn't want to know. He doesn't want to remember.

She tells him that he fell. She tells him that he's very lucky. The incisions on his left arm were very deep. He had hit his vein in some places. She says that he could have bled out. Bled out? he thinks. Or maybe he speaks aloud. She tells him that if he had been found a few moments later, it … well … it would have been very bad.

He asks her when he can go home.

He can't go home, not yet. She tells him that, because of the placement of his injuries, as well as his erratic behavior, they're treating his incident as a suicide attempt. He's not strong enough to leave yet. And when he is, he'll go to another part of the hospital. He'll be under observation for a week, maybe two. Maybe three.

Maybe he'll never get out.

The nurse laughs when he says that. He can feel her running her hand through his hair. It feels nice, if a little foreign. They'll make sure he gets home, she says.

He meets the psychiatrist that's going to be working with him. She's a lady, too. She's older and has lots of long, frizzy hair, greying at the roots. Sometimes she has on thick Coke-bottle glasses. She sort of looks like she should be teaching at Hogwarts. He files this away to tell Cat – well, if he ever sees Cat again, that is. The lady, Dr Parisch, speaks to him bluntly but not unkindly.

She asks him if he can recall what happened. He says no. She asks him if he'd like to know. He says yes.

His mother had been at the house when he had come home that day. He hadn't seen her car in the driveway, he thinks, but he had been on foot and running. He hadn't thought to look for her car. His mother had heard him yelling and banging things from where she was upstairs. She had gone downstairs. She had been calling for him. That had been his heatbeat, he thinks.

Dr Parisch tells him again that he's very lucky – he lost a lot of blood. If his mother had found him ten minutes later he would have - bled out. Why do they keep saying this? What does it mean? Don't you bleed out every time you get a cut? He had locked the door on his mother. He had broken the glass. It had taken her seven minutes to break the door down. His mother had called the ambulance and had turned Robbie onto his back and applied pressure to his wounds as best she could. He had been unconscious at this point.

Gingerly, he flexes his wrists. The pain crackles up and down, all the way from his shoulders to the tips of his fingers. His arms feel like – they feel like meat. His right arm isn't bandaged as much as the left one is. His right arm is covered in a thousand cuts from the shattered mirror, and most of them are deep. They range from small to not-so-small. They wind around his arm up to above his elbow in some places. His left forearm is bandaged tightly. That's the bad arm. That's where the vein had come open, and he'd also cut through a muscle in some places.

It's incredible how much it hurts, hurts to even look at it. It hadn't hurt when he had been there, in the bathroom, but he never wants to be in such pain again. He's too weak for it. He doesn't understand how or why he could possibly still be living.

"Would you like to see your mother now?" Dr Parisch asks. Robbie stares at her. He shakes his head no, no, he doesn't want to see her. Dr Parisch nods at him. She flashes her thin-lipped smile at him. It's thin, but it's sweet. It's unfortunate that she's so sallow looking, because she seems really nice. She tells him that's fine. But she tells him he'll have to see her eventually. She says she'll long his mother at bay. She tells him to go back to sleep. He tells her to finish. Finish what? What happened. So she tells him again.

His mother had come home early from her trip to Seattle. She had been waiting for him. She had heard him, somewhere in the house. He sounded upset. He wasn't in the kitchen, he wasn't in the living room. He wasn't in his bedroom. She had seen the pieces of Rex strewn about his floor. She thought to check the bathroom. The light had been on and she knocked on the door. When she heard the glass shatter, she had kicked at the door until the wood had split. She had unlocked it and she had gone in. She had slipped in his blood and the glass. She had cut her knees up.

He remembers, now, the sounds of her screams. He remembers the way her cream-colored linen skirt and ridden up. The blood caked on her knees as she knelt over him is the last thing he remembers before waking up in the hospital bed.

He starts to cry.

Dr Parisch leans over him, touches his shoulder. Her small, deep-set eyes are bright with tears for him – how can that be? She smiles at him and it's kind and it's sad. "It's a good thing that you can cry, Robbie," she tells him. "It's a really good thing."

He sleeps.

* * *

The next day is better. He feels much more clear-minded. He knows where he is now, what he has done. His mother doesn't come in that night, and he's walked down to the psych wing to meet with Parisch again in the morning.

He has some clothes here that he's been told his mother had brought in, and he's finally allowed to shower and change out of that awful backless nightgown. The nurse's aide doesn't watch him when he showers, thank god, but he's not allowed to have a razor. She has to put these weird plastic sleeves over his arms because he can't get his bandages or stitches wet yet. She tells him that in another two days his bandages can come off and another maybe ten days before his stitches will be taken out. When he's in the shower he sees a package of the Lever soap he always uses at home. He knows his mother must have bought that too and it makes him cry again.

Everything hurts – he feels boneless and shaky, and it hurts to even grip the soap bar in his hand. He can't really bend his arms too well and it takes him a long time to wash himself. The water isn't hot either and Robbie's pruning and cold by the time he steps out.

It's embarrassing to walk through the hospital with his one arm bandaged up all the way to his elbows and the other one so raw and with all his cuts showing. It's embarrassing for everyone to see him and know what he's done.

The nurse – the pretty blonde lady - seems to sense his discomfort, and she puts her arm around him as they walk. She doesn't ask him about himself – how he feels or anything. She talks about stupid things, how she was late for her shift yesterday and the head nurse is still glaring at her, how there's no coffee grinds left in the break room and she's going to waste half her lunch in the cafeteria just to get some weak coffee.

"Thank you," Robbie tells her when the get to Parisch's office. She hugs him, gently. She tells him he's sweet. He doesn't agree.

"Hiya, Robbie," Dr Parisch says he he slips into the doorframe. She motions him to take a seat. She' s settled in a recliner behind her desk and he's pretty sure she's got her feet up. She's eating, she tells him, chocolate-covered potato chips. She offers him one, but he shakes his head. Maybe later, she says.

She tells him to sit down. He does. He takes a seat across from her. It's comfortable. She pulls out a clipboard and she asks him a lot of questions. She asks him about his mom and sister. She asks him about his dad. He doesn't want to talk about these things, and he gives her stunted answers, stuttering and weak.

"Are you always so nervous?" she asks him.

"No," he says, nervously.

She smiles. She scribbles on her papers.

"What are you writing?" he asks her.

She turns her clipboard around so he can see. She's drawing a cat holding an umbrella. He smiles.

He gets agitated when she asks him about his father, asks him about Anna. "How do you know about her?" he demands.

She looks surprised. "Your mother called the nursing home," she tells him. "Your sister told her about Mrs. Savidge's passing."

He's surprised. He doesn't know what to say.

"You are not entirely alone, Robbie," she tells him. "People care about you. A whole lot of people."

She's wrong, he tells her. He never sees his mother. Jessica has been mad at him since Christmas. Why does she think they aren't here?

Dr Parisch looks surprised. "Of course they're here," she says. "Well, they aren't here right now. They've both been here. You just don't remember."

He stares at her. He's a cross between mollified and horrified. He doesn't want Jess to have seen him like that, all strung out and unconscious and hooked up to something he could pee in. He doesn't say these things, but somehow she knows.

"Your sister hasn't been allowed in the room," she assures him. "But she wants to see you very much."

"Okay," he says slowly. He guesses he wouldn't mind seeing Jess. As long as she doesn't hit him, which she probably might.

* * *

He wakes up that night and his mother is holding his hand. She's crying again, like she was in his dream. If that was a dream.

"Mom?" he croaks. She looks up at him, startled. She lets go of his hand and she takes her glasses off. Her light-brown hair is sort of messy and pulled back from her face.

"Robbie," she says, and she starts to cry in earnest. "Robbie, I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry," he tries to say, but she just cries over him.

"I didn't know," she says. "I didn't know."

He doesn't know what to say. He's never seen his mother cry, not even when he was younger, not even when Dad had gotten really bad and broke all of their dishes. But she's crying now. He doesn't know what to do. And he's made her this way, so what can he do? "I'm sorry," he says again.

"Don't be sorry," she tells him, wiping her face. "I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't know. How could I not know?"

Not know what? That he's crazy?

"You aren't crazy, Robbie," she tells him, and she takes his hand again. It's his right one, the one that isn't so bad, but still it hurts. "You are so strong. I didn't know. I didn't know you felt this way."

He always feels this way, he tells her. She cries some more. She knows, she says. She knows now.

"You can keep seeing Billy," he croaks at her. "I don't mind."

She looks at him in surprise. "That's over," she tells him. "That's been over. I thought you knew."

How could he know? He doesn't know anything. Everyone here thinks he's been wanting to kill himself. He doesn't. If he had, he's been cured. Not because things are better, no, and not that they are worse, but he can't even imagine the pain of trying to end your life. He's been cured the second he woke up and the shocks of pain coursed through him. And seeing her now – _crying,_ his mother! – he can't imagine what she would be like if he were dead. Well, he wouldn't know, because he'd be dead. But maybe he'd know.

"Mom, I don't want to die," he tells her.

She rubs his hand. She takes his hand in both of hers. "I know," she says. "I'm glad. I need you."

She stays for a while longer. It's sort of weird. He's never spent very much time with her, and certainly has not spent much time with her while he's been laying in a hospital bed. At least he's comfortable. The hard-backed plastic chair she's in must not be very much. She holds his hand. She tells him that his friends have called.

Friends. School. His showcase - his and Jade's.

He tries to sit up. "What day is it?" he asks her.

It's May twenty-fourth. May twenty-fourth! How has he been here for a week already, and still in one of the regular hospital rooms? Has he been so sick?

"I missed school," he tells her. "I'm missing the last day. I'll miss Jade's birthday."

Jade will get over it, she tells him. She tells him someone had stopped by the house - a girl. Was that Jade?

Tori or Cat, he thinks, and he tells her this. Probably worried about him. Jade would never come looking for him. Plus, she's made at him right now. Cat should be mad, too. Maybe Tori as well.

"What should I tell them?" his mother asks.

He doesn't know. "Not that I'm here," he says. His mother nods. She will keep his secret. She always does.

* * *

The days pass indeterminably. He's moved down to the second floor, the psychiatry wing. He meets with Dr Parisch. He yells at her when she keeps wanting to talk about dad. She raises her eyebrows. She's still working on the picture of the cat with the umbrella. "We'll talk about something else, then," she says simply.

She prods him to talk about Mrs Savidge, even though he doesn't want to. He understands, though, that she holds the key - the key to the hospital, the key to his release. He shouldn't lose his temper with her.

So he tells her about Anna. He tells her that she was the first resident at the home that he'd spoken to, that she's the reason why he knew it wasn't a bad place. He tells her about Anna's dentures and how sad that had made him feel. He tells her about talking about Betty White and how they'd watch _Bonanza_ together.

He tells her about how he'd ignored her. How she'd wanted to talk to him at Christmas and after, and how he hadn't made time for her. He feels guilty. Now she's dead, and she doesn't know.

"Do you blame yourself for that?" Dr Parisch asks.

Robbie makes a face. "For her dying? No. But I should have paid attention to her more."

Dr Parisch draws on her clipboard. "Robbie, it's all right to love people. But you don't need to take full responsibility for them. You need to worry about yourself."

He's affronted. He knows _that. _Dr Parisch smiles when he says this. "Then why don't you do it?" she asks. He doesn't know.

She tells him to go on, and he tells her … well, he tells her a lot. About Dad when he had been small. Jess and how much he loves her, how maddening she is. How she doesn't seem to know how to turn on the dishwasher or even rinse off a plate. How, once, he had actually washed her mouth out with soap for cursing. Now she doesn't do that anymore. How they fought over his father.

He tells her about his friends. How Beck and Andre are way cooler than him but they still hang out with him. He tells her about Cat and all the candy in her bra. Dr Parish laughs. He tells her about Tori chasing him up the steps in her Spring Fling dress and spraying him with her perfume and how she'd had to cut up the squid and now wants to be a vegan.

"What do you think about that?" she asks him.

"I think it's a terrible idea," he says. Dr Parisch laughs again.

He tells her about Jade and how she always calls him Loki, but never Thor. He tells her about their film script and how he'd had to read _Nightmares and Dreamscapes_ in Chemistry. She's impressed that he's taking two science electives. He tells her about Jade attacking Danny with the letter-opener. He tells her about Jade always making him listen to Courtney Love.

"I love riot girl," Dr Parisch says. Robbie doesn't know what that is.

"Jade sounds special to you," she says. He furrows his brow. Jade is special. All of his friends are special. Unless she means special-special, which they're not. Maybe Cat. Maybe sometimes. Dr Parisch laughs again.

They talk about the screenplay. They talk about if Louis's wife had killed him at the end of _Pet Semetary._

"Don't you have to send Stephen King a dollar if you make a movie out of one of his stories?" she muses. Robbie shrugs. Probably.

A week into his stay in the psych ward, the door to his room is pushed open slowly. Dr Parisch has given him a novel, _The Perks of Being a Wallflower,_ and he's eating it up. Robbie looks up from his bed and suddenly a tornado bursts in.

It's Jess. She barrels through the door and tackles him on his bed. She's crying. "I'm so sorry, Robbie!" she shrieks.

She's squeezing him so hard he can't breathe. He thinks she's dislodged a few stitches. He pats her head and hugs her. She cries for forever – for almost fifteen minutes. He tells her he's so sorry. She wails that she's sorrier, and that she's sorry that she gave him the silent treatment for so long. She knows he's been feeling bad for forever.

"I just didn't care," she says miserably.

He hugs her again, tightly. "It's okay," he says. "You're thirteen. You've probably got your period, and stuff."

Jess laughs through her tears. "I miss you so much, Robbie," she tells him. "Mom is home a lot more now and she's _so annoying_. She thinks we have mice in the house!"

The guinea pig poop. Oops. They both laugh some more. After that, Jess comes to see him every day. She even leaves Barry the bear with him, for comfort. "Should we get Rex fixed?" she asks him.

He tells her no. He doesn't think he ever wants to see Rex again. Plus, the dummy is probably mad at him. He had split Rex's whole head open.

His mom comes every day, too. It's weird to see her so much. Sometimes, she doesn't even wear her work blouses. He almost passes out when he sees her wearing an Elvis t-shirt one day.

"What?" she asks her purple-faced son, frowning down at her t-shirt. "I can be hip, you know. I like rock and roll."

"That's really good," Robbie tells her.

* * *

Robbie doesn't have any breakthroughs during his bi-week stay in therapy. He doesn't get magically cured. He pretty much knows what the doctors want him to say and he says those things. He's cleared for release on Monday.

"What do you know about depression?" Dr Parisch asks him.

Robbie sort of frowns a little. "Do you think I'm depressed?"

She actually laughs at him! "I think you're very depressed," she says bluntly. He frowns again. He doesn't think that's very professional, he tells her. She shrugs at him.

"I'm being honest," she tells him.

Dr Parisch tells him that there are different kinds of depression. She says there's chemical depression and there's situational depression. "Sometimes people's brains don't proceed the right another of chemicals," she says. "So maybe you've been feeling bad and you don't know why. And with everything you've been going through at home – and for years! - well, that can cause depression, too."

Then she goes off on a tangent about a study she'd read in a science journal about the nervous systems of babies who were born premature. There's a theory out there that these babies' brains' haven't had the proper amount of time to grow and develop, and that they're more likely to be soft-spoken, agitated people, who are prone to nervousness and depression.

"Not that that's you, necessarily," she tells him. "I'm just giving you some information."

It sort of makes him feel better, hearing it in these terms. He's never thought the words _depression_ or _anxiety_. He's never thought it was anything but him just going about things the wrong way. But now that he knows it's something that could be _wrong_ with him, not just that he's wrong, it doesn't seem so bad. He still doesn't think he's depressed, though.

Parisch puts him on two different medications. An anti-depressant that will help with his anxiety, and something called Adderall – ADD medicine.

"I don't have ADD," Robbie tells her.

She just smiles at the wall beside him. "A lot of people confuse ADD with ADHD," she says breezily. "Anyway, it's not just used to treat ADD. This will help you focus. To focus on _yourself_, Robbie!" She gets that look on her face that means she wants to start talking seriously, and Robbie braces himself. But then his mom is waiting out on the hallway, so she reluctantly lets him go, waving him off.

Mom has brought him Salad Works, which he loves, and she and Jess eat McDonalds with him out in the courtyard hospital. Jess has two happy meals. She gives Robbie one of her mini Beanie Babies. It's a purple duck.

"It's a platypus," she tells him witheringly, looking at him as though he's stupid.

"Oh," says Robbie. "I forgot that they were purple and had beans in them." Jess throws a french fry at him.

"They're becoming extinct," his mother tells them. She's writing in one of her legal pads. Even now, she can't truly through away her work, but Robbie doesn't mind so much any more. "How much do you think it cost McDonalds to buy the rights to their skin?"

Robbie and Jess stare at her, then stare at each other. Their mother has just made a joke. The second sign of the oncoming apocalypse.

They eat the rest of their food as their mother worries at them about starches. "Can I eat starches?" Robbie asks her. Mom rolls her eyes. She tells him he's cleared to go home on Monday. Three more days away. He's missed the last two weeks of school. He's worried about failing out of Hollywood Arts.

"You are_ not _going to fail," Mom tells him decisively. "I'm talking to your teachers. But we don't need to discuss this now. We can talk about it when you get settled in at home."

* * *

On his last day in the facility Dr Parisch doesn't even take her notebook out.

"I think that you are a very sensitive young man, Robbie," she tells him. "I think you are kind and I think you are not a bad person."

She's getting up and going to her bookcase. "Robbie, I want you to continue seeing me. I have an office that is not at the hospital here. It's a forty-five minute drive from your home but I don't think meeting once a week is unreasonable."

Her back is still to him. "I guess I can't really say no," Robbie says.

She smiles, turns around. "No, you really can't." He hangs his head and she laughs. "Robbie, I want you to write in this." She's pushing a small leather-bound journal into his hands. He hadn't even noticed her take it from her bookshelf. "You need to work on understanding your emotions. And you need to work on sharing them with people. For now, you can write them down in this book."

At his expression, she laughs and is quick to assure him, "I'm not going to read it! But I do want you to write in it. At least … let's say twice a week. It doesn't have to be long. Just things that happen and how you feel about them. All right?"

He nods.

"You know that I don't report to your mother, right? Anything you tell me is one hundred percent confidential. Get it?"

"Yeah," he croaks.

She smiles, puts her hands on his shoulders, rubs them briefly. "You're going home! Are you excited?"

He lets his shoulders roll backwards and forwards with her touch. "A little bit, yet. But I'm worried, too. I haven't talked to any of my friends. They won't let me have my phone here. And I missed so much school."

"Will you tell your friends?"

He shrugs.

"I think...you know what? I bet you can be surrounded by your friends and still feel like you're by yourself."

"Sometimes...yeah. But – me doing this – it wasn't about them."

"Robbie ... _this? This_ was about everything!" He falls silent and she makes a zipping motion across her lips. "Write in your book, all right?

He agrees.

His mom comes to pick him up at noon. He's all packed and has been waiting for her. She hugs him when she comes into the room and it's the first time in … at least a year that he hasn't seen her in her business attire.

"Wait, you actually _own_ a pair of _jeans_?" he cries, holding her holding her at arms length.

"Of course I have jeans, Robert," she sniffs, affronted, but he can tell she's pleased too. She's bustling about by his bed, picking up the few sweaters he hasn't been able to fit into his backpack.

"From 1992, apparently," he says, and she whirls around, dipping her head as she looks at him incredulously and then laughs.

"Oh, what insolent nurse has been teaching my son to talk back?" she muses, a little smile still on her face.

They make their way out of the hospital and walk the eighteen-hundred miles to where Mom's parked her car. She tells him that Jess had wanted to be here, but she has some sort of summer scrimmage meeting and it was nearly mandatory.

"That's all right," Robbie says. They get settled into the car. The backseat is crammed with all the stuff that Robbie's accumulated in the hospital. Barry the bear sits on the dashboard. Robbie holds him.

Mom looks at him once they're on the highway.

"I want to be there more," she tells him. "At home, you know. I've been a bad mother for far too long."

"You aren't a bad mother," he tells her. Even though she sort of is. But it's not her fault, mostly. She's so busy.

His mom doesn't really agree or disagree.

"Maybe we can go to a water park," she muses, somewhat dismally. "Maybe Disney Land."

Robbie laughs. He pictures his mom on Space Mountain. He picks her shaking Pooh Bear's hand and offering him legal advice.

"If you want to," he says.

They go home.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

When he gets home and gets his PearPhone back, it practically blows up in his hands, spewing messages. Tori and Cat have sent him dozens of texts. Beck's called_ thirty-one times_ - that's more than a call a day! Actually, it's two calls a day, then a ten-day long period of dryness with the occasional erratic text message, then a furious onslaught of thirteen calls in two days.

He goes through his phone a little hesitantly, sitting at the table as his little sister makes lunch for him.

He isn't ready to face his friends, not really. He's not sure what he wants to tell them, if he wants to tell them. And if Tori and Cat fawn all over him as they most likely will, he will tell all. And he's not ready to tell all.

Andre has called him a few times, too, and left him messages on his Splashface page – even Alison's called him once! Jade has sent him a few text messages during the time period when school was still in session, and she even called him twice. No voicemails, though. That's not Jade's style. Her calls and texts stop abruptly on the 21st.

He wonders what happened on that day to make her give up on him.

Not that he blames her, you understand. Maybe she just stopped, somewhat akin to how Robbie had just stopped.

He puts his phone away for now.

Jess is singing a Ginger Fox song and shaking her hips as she pulls plates out of the cabinet. His mom is seated at the counter with her briefcase and papers taking up half of the space it – but she's still here, and she's sitting in the kitchen, which is more than he can say she's done in at least two years now.

He gets up and helps his sister set the table.

* * *

He had spent nearly a month in the hospital. It's midway through June, now. He spends the rest of the month, mostly, in bed, eating gluten-free frozen donuts with his sister.

He doesn't really have much to do, since he's now jobless now, as he hadn't shown up to work at all in the last two weeks of his ... freaking out, and he's not ready to see anyone yet. In addition, his new medicine makes him sick. His mom makes him call the doctor and she assures him that his body will get used to it. If it's not getting better in a month or so, they can switch things up a little.

A month or so. Great.

So he's just sort of nauseous all the time, and really tired, but then really weirdly not tired, because of the ADD medicine. He had thought it would just make him lethargic, but it sort of does the exact opposite. So now he watches Little House on the Prairie _really intensely_ with Jess.

Evntually, though, his nausea starts to abate. He still doesn't really want to eat much, but he forces himself to, because his mother and Jess – especially Jess! - are watching him like a hawk.

Right now it's late evening and he and Jess are sprawled together on his bed, eating the gluten-free chocolate donuts which have the texture of _styrofoam_ (Jess loves them) and watching sitcoms. There are crumbs on the bed and Jess's foot is sort of hooked over his own. They're both teenagers now and it's probably weird to be laying in the same bed as your sister but Robbie doesn't care because – well, it's his sister. It's Jess. And he missed her. She's always been weirdly affectionate with him anyway - somehow Mom hadn't stamped that out of her.

Jess burps loudly.

Yeah, he really missed her.

On the nightstand beside them, his PearPhone lights up. Jess is closer, so she sort of rolls halfway and leans over to inspect it.

"Beck," she announces. She looks at Robbie expectantly. He shakes his head. Jess sighs a little bit and keeps her eyes on the PearPhone until the call ends and the phone turns dim again. "Thirty-four missed calls from Beck Oliver," she reads off, and flops down opposite him on the mattress. She sticks her gross feet in his face.

She cranes her neck around so she can turn and look at him over her shoulder. "Are you ever going to talk to your friends? You really should. It's not like you have to tell them you went crazy. Well, not all of it. Maybe they'll think it's cool!"

"Get your toes out of my face."

"_Robbie,_" she says scoldingly.

"Ugh!" he says. "I'm going to go and talk to everyone, I just … don't know when. They'll gang up on me."

Jess just frowns at him, frowns at his phone, then turns back to the TV, where Jason Segel is yelling at Willow. Or whatever her name is on this show. Robbie makes a face at his TV. He guesses he can still be crazy, have a nervous breakdown, be put on medication, and still be a coward. His pills don't help with that. His stomach still roils at the thought of seeing Jade. And Beck! Will he punch Robbie? Actually, he'll probably just cry.

A crying Beck is not really a thought Robbie wants to dwell on, so he turns his attention back to the television. He pinches Jess's feet. She kicks him in the face.

* * *

When the yearly invitation for Sikowitz's summer play course arrives in the mail on the last day of June, Robbie steels up himself to go. He knows it's the only chance he's going to give himself if he wants to see his friends this summer.

On the Tuesday after the Fourth of July, early morning, Robbie winds down the interstate and takes the exit towards Hollywood Arts. He's layered himself in a long-sleeved polo under an old Galaxy Wars t-shirt. Jess had tugged on his sleeves for a long time, stretching them out. No one will see his wrists, she tells him. No one will know.

The school is – impossible small, set far back in the vast sea of the near-empty parking lot. He guides himself around to the back and parks in Principal Helen's spot. He tells himself to live a little.

It's been drizzling out since the weekend, and Robbie's Converse-clad feet squelch as he makes his way down the deserted hallway towards Sikowitz's room. He isn't nervous – he's still adjusting to the feelings of his medication, which has left him oddly wired yet still feeling as though he's floating.

He opens the door silently. Jade's the only one there so far.

The first thing he notices is that she's changed her hair. It's back to brown, though she still has her blue streaks. He can't tell if she's cut it or not, because it's currently held up off her neck in that weird flippy-floppy bun thing that girls do with those clips. He thinks it looks good. He must make a sound or something - maybe his shoes have squeaked, maybe he's sighed - because then she's whipping around to look at him.

Her ice-blue eyes widen as she turns and takes him in. He tries to smile at her and finds he can't. "Hi," he says timidly.

She stands abruptly, quickly, jerkily, her hip bumping the desk and sending her papers scattering.

"_Fuck - this,_" she grits out, kneeling onto the floor to gather them.

He starts towards her swiftly. He's surprised. He wants to help somehow.

Before he can get too close, though, she positively hisses: "Stay the _fuck _away from me, Shapiro." She moves quickly to rise up and pushes past him, her notebooks still littered on the ground. She's out the door before he can even make a noise.

Robbie rushes out into the hallway after her. "Jade, wait!" he cries.

She doesn't. He chases her right out to the parking lot, and she's about to slip away and all he can think to do is grab her shoulder.

She jerks away from him in a violent spin of long brown and blue hair. "Don't fucking touch me!"

"Whuh - " he clears his throat. "What's the matter with you?"

Her hand hesitates on the doorknob and he's positive he sees it tremble. She's still got her back towards him, but even so he can see how small and ridged her shoulders are beneath her tight black t shirt. "Are you," she says lowly, "fucking kidding me?"

"I - " he starts to say, but then she turns to face him, and her eyes are positively murderous.

"What the fuck happened to you?" she cries. "You missed everything – you just _left! _You missed our film and everything, you don't call Beck, you don't call Tori – Cat fucking – cried - "

"I'm sorry," he manages, but Jade goes on, "No one knows where you are, you don't tell anyone where you're going – to the fucking moon, on vacation, to the psycho ward where you probably belong - " he cringes - " - and then you just skip on back here to school and you fucking say _hello_ to me?"

"Jade, I'm so sor -" he tries to say, but she pokes him hard in the sternum, shutting him up.

"_Shut up!" _Robbie's mouth closes with an audible _pop!_ "I even went to your fucking _house,_" she grits out. "And your mother was there and she tells me you are on a fucking _soccer tournament_ with your sister!"

Oh, thank god for his mother and her ridiculous and quickly-though-out lies. He thinks if he told Jade he missed the last two weeks of school because he'd essentially tried to go through a mirror, she'd swiftly and easily murder him right now without a second thought.

"Jade," he tries for the umpteenth time, but she jabs him again with her finger.

"Don't, Shapiro," she says. "Seriously, don't. You fucking left. You couldn't even tell me you were going on a god damn trip with your sister! You're_ just like every one else._ You just fucking left! I thought you - I thought we - "

Her voice cuts out. She can't finish.

"You thought we were friends," he says hollowly. He's gobsmacked. It had been Jade who'd came looking for him, not Cat or Tori, as he'd thought. His guts are roiling in his stomach. He's never thought – he's just never thought. It's the first time he's realizing that his actions could have had actual, real repercussions – not just on his family, nor on himself, no. It's the first time he's thought of obligations to anyone. "Jade, I'm so so _so _sorry."

"Don't talk to me," she says simply. She turns away from him again. "We're not friends. I don't have friends, Robbie."

He follows her out of the building. It's raining harder now. "Jade – please don't go. Please!" he whines out as she just keeps walking. "I'm so sorry I missed the showcase. I didn't think – I didn't think you'd miss me."

Jade stops again, and he hears her laugh. "Oh my _God._ God, you are an _asshole!_"

"Okay, you didn't miss me," he says quickly. "Look, I – I'm so stupid. You know I'm so stupid. You've spent the last year dealing with how stupid I am!"

She doesn't say anything.

"I, uh – I didn't … know … I'd be gone for so long," he says slowly. He can't see how he can bring up where he was now. All he wants is for that look to leave her face. "I – know .. that I'm an _asshole_. And I should have, um, should have called. Look, okay, fine – you don't have friends. But, but you're," he gulps, "you're my _best _friend."

Still Jade doesn't speak.

"And – uh – you can have your eight days back! You can be as mean to me as you want! Just, I'm so sorry. And I'll leave the class – I won't do the play. But I just – I'm just sorry and please don't be mad at me."

Finally, Jade spits, "I'm not – mad at you."

"Could have fooled me," Robbie blurts out before he can help himself. He rubs his collarbones, which ache where she'd jabbed him with her sharp nails. Jade crosses her arms and looks at him witheringly.

"I _was_ mad at you. I was, like, done with it. We all, like, we didn't even think you'd be coming back to Hollywood Arts. Cat just called me last night. She's all hysterical still. Now she thinks you've been bought into the Mexican slave trade and that your kidneys are, like, floating around Cancun." At Robbie expression, she says, "Yeah, I know."

She continues: "So when I saw you just now... and you're fucking _fine_... I got a little bit ... upset again."

He rubs the back of his head awkwardly. "I'm really sorry."

She rolls her eyes, looks around. She says slowly, "Look. Just – don't do it again."

He nods tightly.

"Beck's gonna kick your ass," she adds.

"Oh god," he says in great fear, and Jade sort of snorts at him. "Have you … have you talked to him lately?"

She scoffs, glaring at him. "Yeah. We're 'friends' now. He kept calling me because he didn't know where the fuck you'd gone and he thought_ I'd_ know for some reason. God, you're seriously ruining my reputation." There's the Jade he knows and sometimes likes.

He smiles, and she catches his eye and holds his gaze for a long time. Finally, she allows him a ghost of a smile. "Beck cried for like three hours at my house," she says.

"Are you serious?" Robbie cries.

"Okay – no. It wasn't three hours. But he did still cry, and it was at my house. At my fucking house, Shapiro! I'm, like, pretty pissed at you. You're supposed to be, you know, the reliable one. What good are you if you just leave me with all these morons?"

"Yeah, I know," he says apologetically. "It just – was all really last minute."

"Yeah," she says, lifting one shoulder. "_Asshole._"

He shifts awkwardly. They're standing out in the back parking lot, and rain is drizzling down on both of them. Jade's mascara is starting to drip, and Robbie can actually feel his hair expanding. "I'll do, like, whatever it takes to make it up to you. I'll fix your car! I'll drive you anywhere."

"Yeah, asshole!" Jade cries suddenly. "I had to take the fucking bus the last week of school because of you. My car died again. Do you know how it feels to be surrounded by underclassmen cretins?"

"A lot like lunch, I'd guess," Robbie says. Jade does that thing she does where she tries not to smile at something he's said. "I'm really sorry, Jade," he says again.

"Whatever," she just says dismissively. "Should we go back inside?"

"Um." He hadn't realized how utterly draining the conversation with Jade had been until he considers the thought of going back into the building. He doesn't think he can take the bombardment of Beck, Tori, Cat, and Andre upon him. It's too much. And they won't accept his soccer story as easily as Jade did. He doesn't think she's fully believed it, but they'll want _details._

Jade's watching him with a weird look on her face. "This play is going to be stupid anyway," she says. "Why did you show up?"

"I wanted to see you – I wanted to see you guys," he manages.

"Oh," says Jade dismissively. "Well, you saw me. You really wanna get roped into more of Sikowitz's shit this summer?"

"Not really."

"Then why the fuck're we standing here? You got your car, Shapiro?" He nods. "Okay. Well, you can start this making-it-up-to-me thing by taking me to breakfast. I want pancakes."

She doesn't eat breakfast, is what he doesn't say. What he does say is, "All right," and they head wordlessly around the school to where he's parked his car.

"You are going to call Beck tonight, though," Jade tells him as she opens the passenger side door. "And he is going to cry. So get ready. And then you are going to call Cat. I don't really give a shit if you call Andre and Tori."

He laughs before he can help it. "Okay."

She sort of smirks as she buckles her seat belt up, but she's sure to turn it into a glare as she looks over at him. "Don't do this shit again," she tells him.

Leave?

"I won't," he said.

**AN: So we have a long chapter and a short-ish one. Chapter 25 was actually pretty much the first thing I had written for this story! Obviously I edited the chizz out of it. It was at 2000 words and now, done with it, it's … nearly 5k? Initially, I was going to have Robbie actually try to attempt suicide, but as I wrote more and more of the story, it became clear to me that he would not do that. I think this works better.**

**Zen: I wish it had been Jade that found him! I have been talking with another reviewer and we were toying with that idea. I had really wanted to write a scene in which Jade sort of freaks out and has to call Robbie's mother, and when there's no answer she has to call her own mom (well, stepmom). But I was sort of worried that her seeing him in such condition would be a turn off for romance later. Then again, maybe not – Jade is weird. Anyway, he's got the whole summer to make it up to her! Maybe they'll get a lot closer. Maybe she'll drunkenly make out with him. Who can say?**

**small / huge fangirl moment: OH MY GODDD spinlight reviewed my story! spinlight is sort of my hero. Years ago, when I was new to any sort of fanfiction, I found the amazing iCarly stories s/he had written and became enthralled. They are one of my favorite writers on the site. I practically dropped my laptop when I saw the author alert.**

**Wee! :)**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

He takes Jade out for breakfast, for lunch, and for dinner. They eat at the same diner by her house each time. They spend the whole day together. She doesn't ask him too many questions about Jess's mysterious soccer tournament, and he is insanely grateful. He'll have to flesh out the scenario more, later, when he is at home, and has time to think.

Jade eats french fries for lunch and for dinner. She dips them in honey mustard and barbeque sauce (he thinks that if Andre and her ever went on a dinner date, they'd be a good pair – he could use up all the ketchup and she could use everything else. But - well, he really, really hopes she and Andre never go on a dinner date) and they talk about a lot of things – some inconsequential, some not so much. She does most of the talking, since Robbie doesn't have anything to say about the soccer games he didn't attend as his sister's plus one parental guest.

She tells him about their screenplay. They had gotten an A. Mostly everyone else had done Shakespeare shit, she tells him. Someone had done a fairly neat interpretation of Allen Ginsberg's "Howl."

"That was pretty cool," she allowed. "But ours was definitely the best directed. Nothing compares to Sikowitz's death scene." They've both quiet for a moment, remembering it. "I still think it's the best thing he's done with his life – die. Violently." She makes sure to guilt-trip him a lot while she's telling him these things. She's got a copy of the film reel. She says they can watch it later.

"After you buy me this sundae," she says, waving the dessert menu in his face. It's a huge chocolate brownie / chocolate ice cream concoction, smothered in not only hot fudge, but chocolate syrup too. It's a heart attack waiting to happen. Robbie's partly disgusted, partly jealous.

"Whatever you want," he says. "But I can't help the impending sugar coma."

She rolls her eyes. "Don't try and reference Hole at me, Shapiro. Anyway, you can't even go into a sugar coma by having too much of it. That's when your blood sugar level gets too low."

He knows that – he'd almost gone into one. But how does she know? She looks at his quizzical face, and says, "My dad's diabetic. I thought I told you that."

"No, you didn't," he says, a little surprised.

Jade rolls her eyes. "Well, he is. I know, right? How can he be more of a loser? Let's give him diabetes."

"That's mean," Robbie says, laughing a little.

"Yeah, tell me it's mean whenever he sees me with a candy bar and starts crying that his sugar level's low," Jade says grumpily. The waitress comes by and Jade snaps her fingers and points to the dessert menu. The waitress looks grumpy, too. She's not happy that they're back. At lunch, Jade had made a sculpture with the rest of her french fries and Robbie's lemon chicken. He'd thought it was cute. The bus boy probably didn't.

"So, Cat and Andre broke up," Jade tells him. She's watching him carefully from around her gigantic mountain of a sundae.

"Oh yeah?" Robbie says. He's honestly surprised at how much he doesn't really care.

"Yeah," Jade mumbles, around a giant mouthful of brownie. She's attractive. "It just fizzed out, I guess. Or one of them got bored. Don't know, don't care. It's pretty much they same. They're still friends."

"Good for them," Robbie says. He doesn't mean for it to sound mean but it sort of comes out that way regardless.

"Yeah." Jade rolls her eyes. "All that shit for nothing. It's whatever, I guess."

It's whatever.

Eventually, he drops her back at her house. "I'd invite you in, but I don't really want to," she says, and he raises his eyebrows. "Sophia's redecorating. She'll probably make you look at wallpaper swatches. I don't want you to go through that."

He tells her it's very nice that she's looking out for him. She rolls her eyes for the millionth time.

"I am, though," she says loftily. "Call me tomorrow." She gives him one last half-glare, and then she's unbuckling her seatbelt and slipping out of the car. He waits and watches until she's safely inside of her house. The evening sun sets on her, setting her hair aflame.

He goes home. Jess flocks to him and squawks about where he's been. She called him, she says, and he hadn't picked up.

He feels guilty. He doesn't want her to worry about him.

"Did you see your friends?" she asks, skipping along after him. "Did you see _Beck?_"

Oh. Beck. Shoot.

"I need to call him," he says.

"You better call him!" Jess cries. "Beck is so sensitive." She sighs loudly. "I'm sure he's worried about you. He's _so _sweet."

It's good to know that some things are constant, like Jess's undying love for his friend. At least he can rest assured (he hopes) that it will remain forever unrequited.

"He's not _that_ sweet," Robbie tells her. She sticks her tongue out at him.

Up in his room, he frowns at his phone for a few minutes before scrolling through his contacts. He scratches his wrist. He picks at some scabs – he can't help it. He gets a drink of water. He stalls some more. He calls Beck.

Beck picks up on the third ring.

"Hello?" he answers, sounding a bit doubtful. Does he think someone's kidnapped Robbie and stolen his phone?

"Hey," Robbie says. "It's me, I mean, it's Robbie."

"ROBBIE!" Beck actually shrieks with elation. "Holy chizz, Robbie!" Then he says, "I just got off the phone with Jade. She said she saw you today. She told me about Jess's soccer thing. She said you didn't have cell phone access."

How has he ever, in his entire life, thought that Jade was horrible or mean or rude or uncouth? She's an angel. She's a beautiful, beautiful, lying angel.

"Yeah," Robbie says slowly. "Yeah, it was a really last minute thing. I'm really sorry, Beck."

"That's all right," Beck says. He sounds exuberant. "I'm just glad you're okay. You know, you could have found a pay phone or something. You could have emailed me!"

"I know," he says guiltily. Beck sounds so earnest and happy to hear from him. He really wants to tell him where he had truly been. But he knows that he can't tell Beck one thing and tell Jade another. He'll have to wait it out. Maybe he won't have to tell anyone at all.

"It's just, you know, we were all really worried about you," Beck says, and Robbie can tell by his voice that he's pouting. He hates it when Beck pouts. Beck can get him to do anything when he's pouting, like break into the neighbor's pool at midnight, and also steal a fox from the animal shelter and drive 200 miles to return it to the woods. But they've agreed to never speak of those incidents.

Beck continues: "And – no offense, dude – you were acting _mad weird_ before you left. I sort of thought you were having a nervous breakdown."

"Ahaha," Robbie says nervously. "No, I'm fine. I was a little stressed out, but I'm okay now. ... I'm really glad I went when I did."

"Well, you should have _tried_ to call us," Beck pouts. "Cat drove us all crazy. She drove _me_ crazy! I was starting to believe her theories. She thought you were kidnapped. Then, Jade went by your house and talked to your mom. Then Cat thought you were sold into slavery by your mother! We were going to call a private detective."

After he's done with Beck, he hangs up and then he calls Cat too. She shrieks a lot and she's much easier than Beck and Jade were. She doesn't really care where he was at all, just is glad that he's alive, in his home, and no, definitely not missing any of his vital organs, he assures her.

With that out of the way, she chatters on at him for nearly an hour. She tells him about how she dyed Jade's hair and her new navel ring (hers, not Jade's) and how her brother is taking summer classes and he crashed his van and her cousin is an illegal immigrant now and is staying with them. "She's really cute, Robbie!" Cat yells in his ear. "Maybe you should come and meet her!"

"No way!" he tells her. "I see right through you. You think I'm her ticket to a green card."

Cat giggles and titters away and she makes him happy. He doesn't know how he had ever found her tedious. But he also doesn't know how he ever could have given her, albeit unsuccessfully, his heart. A year ago, hearing about her navel ring would have made him blush. Now he can joke about marrying her cousin.

Things change, and things stay the same.

By the time he manages to get Cat off the phone, it's far past eleven. Probably too late to call Tori, especially if she's taking Sikowitz's summer course. Tori always goes to bed at like ten o'clock, even in the summer, Cat has told him. Robbie thinks it's kind of sweet that Tori's basically an old lady. He decides to wait on texting her, too. She'll probably freak out and call him from her bed, even though she's sleepy. And it won't be so easy to get Tori off of his back, he knows.

He does send Andre a message, though. Andre isn't likely to call him so late. He actually has to turn his cell phone off at night, because his grandmother is scared that the government is tracking them. He doesn't know how Andre even manages to have a phone.

He gets up and says goodnight to Jess. She bounds off of her bed and hugs him.

"Do you want Barry for tonight?" she asks him. He doesn't, not really, but he takes the bear as a sort of appeasement towards her. She looks happy.

"Did you brush your teeth?" he asks her.

"Same old Robbie," she sighs, which means no, and he shoos her to the downstairs bathroom. He doesn't want to go in there. He's been using the bathroom that's connected to Mom's room.

He stops off in Mom's study and tells her he's going to sleep. She smiles wanly at him. Already she looks overworked. Things change, but a lot of them stay the same. She says goodnight to him, too.

* * *

July is shaping out to be a good month. He's been ordered by Dr Parisch to only visit with Dad once a week, so he keeps his Saturday mornings free, as usual. He forces himself to write in his journal. He keeps it in his desk drawer, alongside Jade's necklace. The necklace makes him nervous. He picks at his scabs and keeps them hidden under his shirts and sweaters.

It's a warm summer, but Beck only gives him a long sidelong glance when they hang out that Sunday. They go to the animal shelter. Beck really wants a dog, but he doesn't think his father will let him have one.

"Maybe I should volunteer here," he says thoughtfully to Robbie. He coos at an ugly bit-up poodle. It yips loudly.

"Maybe," Robbie agrees. He rubs at his wrists through his shirtsleeve. The dogs are making his allergies flare up, but Beck looks so happy, he thinks he can stand it for a bit longer.

"Did I tell you about the dream I had?" Beck asks him. "We wanted to get a dog and you were pregnant with him. It was a bromance baby!"

"You watch too much Adventure Time," Robbie says. He's not even offended. This is nothing compared to the pasta dream Beck had had last April. _That _was too much.

Beck grins. "Tori was so jealous in the dream. She threw me into the lake!"

"There was a lake?"

Beck throws his arms in the air. "We had a lake house!"

"We did? Whose name was it in? Who was paying for it?"

"Keenan Thompson."

Beck is so, so weird.

Beck takes an application at the front desk when they're on the way out. The lady at the desk, who is probably thirty-five and way too skinny, flirts with him. Beck grins loftily and raises an eyebrow at her. Robbie rolls his eyes.

"Ali won't be jealous," he tells Robbie as they're leaving. "She's not like Jade."

Robbie frowns a little. Sometimes, sometimes, he actually forgets that Jade and Beck had dated for so long. Beck can act dismissive about it, but Robbie wonders what he would say if he knows that Robbie has kissed her twice, and also had a dream that they'd adopted five cats. Probably just cry and whine and ask him why Robbie hadn't adopted cats with him. Beck is so weird.

"You always made Jade so jealous," he says, absently, almost without meaning to.

Beck furrows his eyebrows. "Yeah, I know I did. I was sort of an asshole sometimes, huh?"

Robbie doesn't say yes or no. "I don't really know your relationship," he says slowly.

Beck sort of shrugs, and looks over his shoulder as he's backing out of the parking space. "I'm sort of surprised she hasn't shit-talked me more," he says. "I just – she would be so closed-off. She was very insecure. Sometimes I had to do something to get a rise out of her, you know? Even though it wasn't very nice. She didn't trust me enough."

Robbie's very surprised. Jade doesn't seem insecure to him at all.

"Did you love her?" he blurts out.

Beck raises his eyebrows. "Yeah," he says, "of course. But that's not enough, sometimes, you know."

"I guess so."

Beck seems to be done speaking of Jade, for he changes the subject. "Have you talked to Tori yet?" It's been five days since he's first contacted Beck.

"Yeah," Robbie says, exhausted just thinking about it. Tori had yelled at him on the phone for _two hours_. He'd put her on speaker phone, so he could put the phone down and write in his journal while she was yelling. Then she'd realized she was on speaker phone, and yelled about that. Then she'd made him come over and he'd sat while she ate mashed potatoes and yelled some more. Then they'd watched TV and made smoothies. Trina had kept coming down the steps and peering at Robbie. She made him uncomfortable. He'd been wearing shorts and his orange sweater - he hadn't considered Trina's presence. He hadn't wanted her to stare at his calves.

"And?"

"Oh," says Robbie. He'd been busy reliving the day. "Well, she was really mad for a while – I guess you know that. But she got over it. She says you're the lead in Sikowitz's play?"

Beck puffs out his chest. "Of course I am," he says, smirking. Robbie rolls his eyes. "Hey!" Robbie laughs, and Beck grins at him. "You're different," he says.

"Am I?"

"Yeah. You're happier."

Robbie smiles. "Sometimes," he tells Beck.

* * *

He manages to lie to Jade for exactly a week after that.

It is dusk. She's at his house, for no reason other that she doesn't want to go home. They've taken over the kitchen and the table is littered with their summer homework. Robbie hasn't failed out of Hollywood Arts. Even as his life fell apart around him, he'd managed to keep up his grades – mostly. He had been down to a C in Math, but Dr Mokraur had agreed to lift his grade up to a B with the promise that Robbie sign up for the Mathletes team. So come September, he'll be spending what should be his very first study hall tutoring underclassmen. He doesn't really mind.

Jade's left the room – in the bathroom fixing her makeup or something, whatever it is that girls do in the bathroom. Robbie stretches out luxuriously. H's wearing his orange sweater again – Jade hates it so much – and it's sort of big on him. He'd lost a lot of weight, and hasn't yet gained it back.

He guesses the sleeves have slipped down, or something, as he stretches his arms up over his head, bringing them together to touch behind his back. It's only a five second stretch, but from behind him, he hears: "Shapiro, what the _fuck!_"

Then Jade is beside him, snaking out and grabbing at his arm. She pulls his sweater-sleeve back and stares, wide-eyed. "What the fuck happened to your wrists?" she cries.

"Ummmm," Robbie says, very eloquently. Can't lie and say they're old. A lot of the cuts have healed now, but they're still fresh – dark pink scars that are still upraised and a bit sensitive. Others are still scabbing because he can't help but pick at them.

Jade's eyes are narrowed. "Are you, like, cutting yourself or something?"

"No!" he cries. He thinks he's blushing, but he can't be sure. His wrist is hot where her arm is touching him. "I, um."

She raises her eyebrows and waits.

Robbie sighs. "I'm not cutting myself," he tells her.

"So what happened?" She must realize she's still holding his wrist, for she releases her grip. She stands beside him and folds her arms. She actually looks sort of concerned.

"Well … " he says.

"You could not tell me," Jade says to him, "but I'll draw my own conclusions and you'll regret it."

Robbie sighs again. "Sit down," he tells her, waving his hand. Then he realizes and quickly jerks his sweater sleeve back down. "Uncross your arms, please. You look like Sophia."

Jade glares murderously at him. She shifts from foot to foot, then growls and uncrosses her arms. Then she sits down in the chair beside him.

"Well?" she says.

He sighs for a third time. His mind is racing. "Well … oh jeez. I guess … I guess if I tell you one thing, I have to tell you everything."

Jade raises her eyebrows, and she waits.

He starts off hesitantly.

"So, um, I sort of wasn't really at a soccer tournament in Washington," he says.

"I knew it!" cries Jade. Then she catches herself. "Sorry. I guess. Continue."

"I um … " He runs his hand through his hair. God, he really doesn't want to tell her. But she's seen. "Well, I sort of freaked out."

"Freaked the freak out?"

He smiles a little. "Yeah," he says.

He tells her, stuntedly, about how bad his dad has been getting. He has told her some of it, but now he tells her much more - how upsetting it is. He tells her how he couldn't find Jess one night, and how he'd had to call his mother three times just to get her to answer the phone. He tells her about finding out about Billy, her … her boyfriend.

Jade looks thoughtful. "So that's who Billy is," she muses.

"Huh?"

"Oh – Andre – well, nevermind." She waves her hand at him. "So, keep going."

He does. He tells her that that had made him really upset. He tells her, quietly, about Mrs Savidge. He has to tell her about how much time he'd truly spent at the nursing home, and how close to the old woman he'd gotten. He tells her she had passed away. He tells her about running out, about flipping off the driver he'd cut off, and screaming at Jess and throwing her book.

"It was … I don't know. It's still really bad, I don't – I don't really like to think about those weeks," he says. "I guess I … well, I was upset for a while. But it all started to get really bad then." He tells her about how stressed he'd felt. He tells her about how he'd tried to get back to that good place by using Rex again, only it wasn't the same, and didn't help anymore. He tells her about the talent showcase again, and how he'd ran home and, well, freaked the freak out.

"God," Jade says quietly. "And that's all from breaking a mirror?"

"It was a big mirror," Robbie shrugs. "I -" He pulls up his other sleeve and turns his arm around so she can see his other wrist. It was cut badly in three places, and the scars are thick, molted a little from the stitches, and still dark.

"Holy shit!" Jade breathes. She traces the longest one, dead center, with a dark fingernail. Her touch burns him.

"Yeah," he mumbles. He covers his arms back up. "So. I was in the hospital. For, like, almost a month."

"Wow," says Jade. She looks at him. "Was it like that Zach Galifinakas movie?"

Robbie laughs without thinking about it. "No, not really. Not at all."

"Shit," Jade says, again. She furrows her brow. "I knew … I mean, I knew that something was up. You were being a lot weirder than usual. But I didn't know – I mean, I'm really sorry."

"It's not your fault," Robbie says immediately.

Jade rolls her eyes at him. "Well, I know that."

"Yeah," he says. The next part comes with great difficulty: "You were, like, the only good part of it. I mean. Uh. I know I didn't show it, but I was, I guess, um, happiest with you."

Jade looks thoughtful. "How come?" she asks.

He shrugs. He really doesn't know. "You're Jade West," he tells her.

She smirks a little at him, but it disappears quickly. "Shit," she mutters. She looks up at him. He can tell that she wants to look away, but she doesn't break his gaze. "We were all really worried about you," she says. "Did you tell anyone else?"

Robbie sort of smiles. "Do you know me?" he asks.

"Yeah," Jade says, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, I know you." They're both quiet for a moment. "You should tell them," she says.

"I will," Robbie tells her. "I – I will. Just … not right away."

Jade chews her lip. She's looking at his shirtsleeves. "Okay," she says.

"Are you – are you going to tell Beck?"

Jade – surprise – rolls her eyes. "I don't tell Beck anything," she says demurely. "Don't worry, Shapiro, I won't blab. This shit definitely isn't mine to tell." She pokes him. "Now you owe me even more, though. Ditching me, _and_ lying to me? Not very cool."

"I didn't think you'd understand," he mumbles.

Jade imitates his half-smile, then she smirks at him. "Do you know me?" she asks.

He blushes. "Yeah," he says. "I know you."

"Okay then." She pauses. "So, you like … you didn't try to kill yourself, right?"

"What does that matter?"

Jade glares at him. "It matters a lot, Albert."

He frowns. He rubs his wrist, the bad one. "No, I didn't. I didn't mean to. I'm not suicidal, just crazy, I guess."

"You aren't crazy," Jade says dismissively.

He doesn't know what to say. "All right, I'm not crazy," he mutters. "I'm not doing anything like that again."

"Good," says Jade, and she holds his gaze again. She burns right through him.

**AN: I update this way too much, don't I? I really don't know how I do it, and still manage to have somewhat of a social life and work. It's one forty-five where I am, and I wrote this in an hour. I barely give you guys any time to review!**

**spinlight – I think quirky, funny, effective therapists only exist in books and movies. I've been to one once as well, and she made me do self-esteem worksheets. Not very fun or helpful. **

**I will definitely write a bromace Robbie / Beck story. I've got a lot of tales for these characters that just won't fit in with TYSW. I want to write side-fics for all of them (except Trina), especially of Beck and Tori's relationship with Robbie. It's funny, I wasn't a huge fan of Tori when I started this fic. Now she's one of my favorites to write. If I hadn't settled on Robbie/Jade early on, this would be Rori.**

**I know I owe some PMs! I'm sorry, and I will get to them tomorrow. Work is stressful, so I must escape into Victorious.  
**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

And so, with all that she knows, Jade has sort of got him under her thumb, and she takes full advantage of that.

It's really not something he minds.

A few short weeks pass. Robbie sees her nearly every day, in some aspect, in some way. She makes him take her to the mall (she asks him what he thinks about a pair of boots, then says, "Wait, wait, Shapiro –_ I don't care!_"). She makes him take her out for ice cream – not even frozen yogurt, so he can't even order anything. She makes him pick her up and drive her to MallMart so she can buy cold medicine for her dad. She says she can't trust him to pick up the right kind himself, even if he stays on the phone with her. She spends a whole day at his house, watching tv talk shows with his sister, reluctant to leave because her step-mom is re-tiling the kitchen. He sits on her couch while she babysits her brother.

That's where he is now, at Jade's house. He's been here for almost three hours. It's eight o'clock. They've watched two Disney movies – finished Lady and the Tramp, and The Little Mermaid is just now drawing to a dramatic to an end. Jefferson knows all the words to all the songs. Robbie wonders if Jade does, too. She is friends with Cat, after all. He knows that she has the Tarzan soundtrack hidden in the glove box of her car. When he'd found it, Jade had almost drove off the road. "Not mine!" she kept intoning loudly, and Robbie had waved the CD and sang Phil Collins. "Not mine!"

In the short time that has passed that night, Jade's called her little brother by a multitude of what she claims to be nicknames.

She calls him: Jeff Daniels, Jeff Goldblum, Jeffrey Dahmer (she seems rather partial to this one – she _would_ be, he thinks), Jeffrey Starr, Jefferson Airplane (as well as Starship and Spaceship).

She's also called him: dogbait, dogpaste, barfbreath, loserface, loserpaste, losertail, and a plethora of other combinations. Her creative energy is boundless.

Jeff just beams up at her after each one. Like Robbie, he seems to revel in any attention that she throws his way. What is the allure of Jade? Even if she's being nasty, it still means she's noticing you.

They move into the kitchen so that Jade can find something for herself to eat. She pours Robbie a glass of juice without his asking, and then she puts a bagel into the toaster for herself. Jeff barrels in and out of the room, scurrying underfoot.

"Don't run in the house, shrimp bait!" she shrieks at him. He immediately halts, grins at them, and then does a slow shuffle-dance out of the room. Robbie raises his eyebrows, impressed.

Jade slathers her bagel in cream cheese. Robbie watches her jealously. He drinks his juice and eats his cold kettle corn.

His PearPhone explodes with another series of messages - it's Jessica. She wants to know if he'll be home tonight, and if so, when? Does he have his key? Is he going to tuck her in? Robbie frowns down at the phone. Jess is much too old to want to be tucked in. It seems like she's becoming increasingly more and more attached to him, and it makes him fret.

He has spoken to his mother about this, and he thinks that she is actually concerned as well. They had tried to keep a lot of what had happened from Jess – but she isn't stupid, and she isn't young. Robbie hasn't had the heart to ask his mother if Jess had seen all of the blood in the bathroom that day in May. He fears that she has. He wonders if it's possible for a thirteen-year-old girl to have post-traumatic stress from an event she hadn't even witnessed.

"I feel so bad for what I did to Jess," Robbie tells Jade. He finishes his text to his little sister and hits the send button. "She can't go two hours without texting or calling me. It's like she's scared I'll disappear, or flip out again, or something. I just … I feel so bad."

Jade chews her bagel and stares at him. "You shouldn't," she says.

"I do – I can't help it!" He flails his arms a little. "I was a horrible brother to her this year. I really was."

Jade shrugs impassively. She looks down at her knees for a moment, which are clad in red plaid leggings. To them she asks, "Did I ever tell you about how I almost killed Jefferson?"

"What?" Robbie cries in disbelief. "No!"

"Yup," Jade says. She picks her head up. "Hey Jeff, didn't I almost murder you?"

"Yup," echoes the boy amiably from the kitchen floor, where he's pushing a Matchbox car methodically in front of him. He's wearing his Batman cape again.

Robbie stares. "What? _How?_ I mean - _when?_"

Jade shrugs again. She takes another bite of her bagel. He thinks that maybe that's all he's going to get from her, but eventually she swallows and clears her throat.

"He was a baby – like, eighteen months or something? He was just starting to walk. He was so annoying." She glares briefly at her brother. "He was always crying and crying at night. He kept me up. I was so pissed. He chewed the eyes off of my bear like he was a god damn dog."

"Ruff," says Jeff, from the floor. He's nearly made it to the living room. His cape catches on the doorframe, and he pauses to struggle with it a moment before disappearing into the other room. Jade sneers at his small retreating form.

"Anyway," she says, turning her glower to Robbie. "He was at the top of the stairs one day. I was home from school and I was pissed. He wouldn't leave me alone! He kept tugging on my jeans. I was so mad. I shoved him. He fell backwards and fell down the steps. He rolled all the way down to the first landing. He slammed his head into the wall. He screamed for, like, forever. For, like, ten minutes."

"Oh, wow."

"Yup," says Jade again.

He furrows his brow. "But – that was different. You were a kid! You were, what? nine, ten?"

"Yeah, nine," says Jade. She eats some more of her bagel.

"Well, Jesus! We all do stupid things as kids."

Jade shrugs. "But I still did it. I meant to hurt him. Not that bad, I mean, but whatever. I was so scared, I thought he'd die. I thought he'd have brain damage or something." She arches an eyebrow towards the living room. "Not so sure he doesn't, actually."

"But that wasn't your fault."

Jade shrugs. "Yeah. Well. Your sister being worried about you isn't your fault, either."

Robbie frowns speculatively. "Were your parents mad?"

"Sophia was. For a bit. But he was fine, I guess. And I cried so much that she forgave me. But you know, that's why I'm so nice to Jeff. I could have killed him."

Jade has weird ideas about being nice.

But then again, when he really thinks about it, she's sort of right, in a weird way. She does call her brother a lot of awful nicknames, and she yells at him a lot, but he just yells back. And half the time it's like neither of them notice it – their voices just seem to be broken at level ten when they're around each other.

And he's sure she doesn't really have to watch Jefferson if she didn't want to. He knows they had had a nanny at some point. She had made him mac and cheese earlier. She'd even handed him the salt shaker without him asking.

"Here, Roadrunner," she'd said. "Don't fucking spill it on the carpet again."

"Meep meep!" Jeff had cried, taking off to the living room at an alarming speed. "Meep meep!" Jade had rolled her eyes and sighed, looking quite put-upon.

"Why do you call him that?" Robbie had asked. It's almost cute, he thinks. There must be something more behind it.

"You know, from Loony Toons? That bird that runs around like an asshole. And you always want it to get blown up or hit by a truck but it never does."

Robbie's mouth had dropped open. Jade had laughed loudly.

Now, she turns to Robbie again. "There's nothing you can do about the shit your sister saw, or didn't see, or heard, or whatever. You can feel guilty about it … you know, like I did. And all it'll make you do is - feel shitty. So just, like," she shrugs, "make it up to her."

Robbie scrunches up his face. Jade is really smart, he thinks for not the first time. And as usual, she's surprised him once again.

Looking at his scrunched-up face, which she probably takes to be some form of doubt and not the enlightenment that it is, Jade shrugs again. "Sometimes bad things happen," she tells him, "and there's nothing you can do about it. So why should you worry?"

Robbie bursts into laughter.

Jade glowers. "What?" she demands loudly. "What?"

"You – I think you just quoted The Lion King."

"Oh, no I did _no-_" Jade cuts herself off and scowls deeply. "Shit," she says. Robbie laughs some more.

"Hakuna Matata," Jade says dryly. She steals his popcorn.

* * *

It's a Monday, early on in the week of the last one of July. Robbie's sprawled out on the living room floor, trying to write in his journal as Jess sits on the couch and plays the new video game that Beck's lent her. She's really into it.

"Robbie, another pinata has joined my garden!" she tells him excitedly.

Robbie furrows his brow at the screen. He doesn't understand why Beck would own this game. Actually, no – no, he does. That's why it concerns him.

"That's great," he tells Jess, somewhat doubtfully.

Jess makes a happy sound. "I just upgraded my watering can. I need to go to the village and buy more seeds!"

"What is this?" he asks. "Like Harvest Moon or something?"

Jess rolls her eyes at him as she hits some buttons on the paddle. "_Viva Pinata,_" she informs him, somehow managing to sound both snooty and withering. Oh, of course. "Lizzie has it too, but she wouldn't let me borrow it! Beck has, like, the biggest garden ever." She sighs dreamily. "He has so many pinatas. He named one after you!"

Robbie stares. "I … bet he did."

He writes some more stuff down. It's really hard to try and write about his feelings. So far, he's managed to write about the conversation he'd had with Jade the other day, about her brother. He doesn't think that's really a feeling, but it … makes him feel things, and that is sort of counting, right? There's a lot of other things he could write about – Dad, for instance, but he doesn't want to do that yet. He's got to meet with Dr Parisch late this afternoon, though, for their fourth meeting. She hasn't even brought up the journal last time, but he feels guilty for neglecting it.

The doorbell rings. Robbie looks up. Jess doesn't.

"You're getting it," she says. She whacks a green pinata with her garden shovel. Robbie thinks a chocolate bar appears over its head.

Grumbling, he forces himself to sit up. "Don't read my journal," he tells her.

"Bor-_ring!_"

Robbie stands, pulls his shirtsleeves down, and scurries quickly to the front door. When he opens it, there's a middle-aged woman standing there. She's wearing a long yellow sundress and has a gigantic purse with her – it's one of those cloth ones, that are made for knitting, or baby stuff. Her hair is mousy brown and greying a little at the top. She looks befuddled.

"Is this – is this the Shapiro residence?" she asks. Her voice is sort of low and cool. It doesn't fit her at all.

"Ye-es," he says slowly. For some reason, she looks very familiar to him, but perhaps it's just in that generic middle-aged lady way. Beck probably wouldn't hit on her. Still, he can't help feeling as though he has seen her before.

"Oh, good," the woman says, and she smiles a little. "I'm looking for a Robert?"

"Oh," he says. "Um. My father's not here."

"You – oh!" She looks surprised. "Oh, no. It must be you I'm looking for. Would it be all right if I came in for a few minutes?"

"Um," he says. He sorts of opens the door up a few more inches, then pauses and looks at her hesitantly.

The woman seems to sense his doubt. "Oh!" she cries again. "I'm sorry! You – you have no idea who I am, do you?" Robbie gives her a small apologetic half smile. "I'm Marissa Nielsen," she tells him, and he just looks at her some more. She gives him a tiny lopsided smile of her own. "My married name. Anna Savidge? She was my mother."

"Oh," he says. He stares at her. She stares back, and sort of raises her eyebrows. "Oh! Sorry. Sorry! Yeah – um, yeah, come in, please."

He lets her into the foyer, and she looks around a bit awkwardly. "Do you, um, can I get you something to drink?" he asks.

"That would be very nice," she says, and smiles at him. He leads her into the kitchen.

Jess yells, "Who's at the door, Robbie?"

"Play your game!" he hollers back before he can help it. He flushes and turns to Mrs Nielsen. "Sorry," he tells her. "My sister. She's playing a video game."

She laughs a little bit. "That's fine," she says.

He gets her a glass of iced tea. She stands at the counter. She looks very out of place in his house– she looks motherly.

"I'm sure you're surprised to see me," she tells him. "I've wanted to contact you for a while, but – well, the nursing home doesn't give out information very easily."

"Yeah?" he says doubtfully. He has no idea what she's here for. Is she going to scream at him? He sees her lips start to open, and he pushes himself onwards. "I ah -I'm really sorry about your mother."

Her lips freeze half-parted, and she closes them and gives him a small smile. "Thank you," she says. "I loved her very much."

"Yeah," says Robbie again.

"Um – as I said, I had wanted to contact you before. But there was a lot to be done, and – well, I haven't met you before." She tells him, "My mother mentioned you a lot."

"She did?" He's gobsmacked, though he doesn't know why he should be.

Mrs Nielsen smiles at him again. "Yes, she did," she says. "She talked about you constantly. She says you are a very sweet boy – a little sad, she would say. That's how I was able to find you. I remembered her saying that you had a father there. When I went through the resident's list, I recalled the last name."

"Oh," is all he can say.

"Robert - "

"That's my dad," he blurts out. "Um, I mean … Robbie. I'm Robbie."

She must have infinite patience, for she smiles at him again! "Robbie," she says. "Listen … I'm very sorry that I stopped by unannounced. When I looked you up, I tried to call the house, but no one picked up."

"Yeah," he says slowly. "I'm sorry – uh, we all have cell phones. Mom's been talking about just getting rid of the house line." Shut up! he tells himself. No one cares about their phone line.

Mrs Neilsen laughs. "I can understand that," she says. "All day long, telemarketers! It's maddening." Robbie smiles, too, even though he probably doesn't deal with them as much as she does. He never answers the phone. Sometimes, Beck and Andre will be feeling creative, and they call the house line, but they yell at him when he picks up. They like to leave him singing messages for the whole family to hear. Once, Beck had read a poem about the way the light filtered through the holes in Robbie's sweater.

Shoot, Mrs Nielsen had started talking while he's been thinking about his dumb and crazy friends. He swiftly turns his attention back to her. "- so I just decided to drop by," she says. "I was hoping someone – especially you! would be home!"

He nods. He doesn't really understand. "I'm sorry," he says, "but why?"

She looks a bit surprised. "Well, I want to thank you."

"_Thank_ me?"

"My mother could get very lonely at the nursing home," she tells him. "I am very regretful that I didn't get to see her more. I had wanted her to live at home with me and my family."

"Really?" Robbie asks loudly, shocked.

She gives him a sort of funny look, but it's very brief. "Yes," she says. "I always told her, we have plenty of room here, Mom! Don't want to be a burden, she would say." Mrs. Nielsen pauses, smiling sadly. She's remembering her mom. Robbie's heart pounds in pain for her. "She picked this facility out herself, you know. She loved to look out at the water! Before her arthritis got so bad – this was before you knew her, I would think – she used to walk down there for hours. She loved it."

She smiles again, and it's a watery smile. Her eyes are getting very bright, Robbie notes with alarm. Middle-aged ladies' eyes get really bright before they cry. He opens his mouth say – well, to say something, but she continues quickly, without really looking at him. "I'm sorry!" she says. "I doubt you care about this nonsense."

"No, I do!" he's quick to cry out. "I mean, I don't mind. I – I really liked your mom." He can't look at her. "I liked her a lot. She was real nice to me. She was my friend, I guess."

Mrs Nielsen smiles at him, and it's weird to think it, but it's a beautiful smile. "You were her friend, too," she tells him. "Oh my god, she'd go on about you! You were the son she could never have, I think. I've heard all about that private arts school you got into, and your job and about your sister. I felt like I knew you!"

Robbie smiles. It hurts to do so, and he doesn't really want to, but Mrs Nielsen looks like she needs him to smile. "That's really nice," he says quietly. "I didn't know she talked about me."

"All the time," Mrs Nielsen says. "Anyway, Rob – _Robbie. _I'm sorry that I'm talking so much."

"It's okay."

"What I really wanted to do was simply to thank you. You made my mother very happy. I'm glad that you were there for her. It's not many boys that would want to spend their time with an old woman."

"She was my friend," he repeats. His voice sounds scratchy.

Mrs Nielsen gives him another sweet smile. "I'm glad," she tells him. "I was looking through her things – I wanted to find you before!" She reaches out to pull her bag closer to her on the counter, and starts to rifle through it. Papers crinkle and her hears her keys hit against something from within the purse.

"Here!" she says triumphantly. "Here they are!"

She pulls out a pair of thick, tightly knit mittens. They're green and black. They match the scarf Anna had made for him last year. Robbie stares at them, and he feels a lump in his throat. The lump is so big he can scarcely inhale for a minute, but he forces it back down and he makes himself keep breathing.

"She'd made these for you," Mrs Nielsen is saying. "I don't think she had finished them too long ago – she still had the yarn scraps in her bag. She always threw the leftovers away. I suppose she was hanging onto them until the fall to give them to you. She said you were waiting for them."

"Yeah," croaks Robbie. "I – I – yeah. I was. I didn't think she'd finished them. I didn't know she'd even started. I … " He must tell her. "I didn't see her a lot the last few months. My dad, he's – getting … um, real bad. And I fought with my sister. I feel really bad." He looks at her – he actually has to look down at her, but since she's an adult, he'll always feel like he's looking up. "I'm really sorry."

Mrs Nielsen looks surprised and confused. "For what?"

"For not seeing her. More, I mean. I didn't … I didn't know."

"Sweetheart," she says, and she looks at him sadly. "You don't need to be sorry. You made her very happy. I'm sure she understood." She bites her lip. "I didn't know, either. I miss her terribly."

"Me too," he says. He does. He misses her a lot. And it's stupid, stupid, _stupid_ things, that he won't even write in his journal, that he can't tell Jade, even though she knows now. Like when they'll be flipping through the TV and Bonanza will flash on the screen he thinks of how Mrs Savidge would sigh about how dreamy Michael Landon was. Michael Landon! Or how she always seemed to have an endless supply of peppermints in her dress pockets, even though it's not like she would go out to the store and buy them. Or -

Oops. Mrs Nielsen is talking again.

"So I just wanted to come by, and give you these," she's telling him. "I know she would have wanted you to have them. Will you take them?"

"Of course," he says. She's been holding them this whole time, and he feels a little stupid, taking them out of her hands. They're so soft. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, dear."

She only stays for a few moments after that, to finish her glass of iced tea. From the living room, Jess shrieks suddenly when one of her pinatas dies, or explodes, or whatever it is that they do. He'll have to ask Beck.

"Do you … " Robbie asks awkwardly. "I mean - is she buried somewhere?"

"She is cremated," Mrs Nielsen tells him. Oh. "But she has a headstone in the Crestview cemetery. Beside my father." At his look, she says, "Oh – Crestview – that's north from here. About an hour and a half."

Robbie nods. He doesn't know if he'll go, but he wants to, even if there's nothing of Anna that's really there. He's a little bit glad, though, that she isn't in the dirt. He doesn't like to think of her there.

He also feels a deep melancholy for Mrs Nielsen. He's learned a lot today.

He hadn't realized that she'd felt so strongly about her mother, that she'd wanted Anna go stay and live with them. He's always been slightly resentful towards her, for throwing away such a great mother. He would never be that way, he had thought. Now he knows better. He doesn't really know anything, he realizes again. He had never give much thought to Anna's husband, either. How does it feel, he wonders, but doesn't ask her, to have lost both of your parents?

He sees Mrs Nielsen out. She gives him a hug at the door, and it takes him a moment to respond, as he hadn't been expecting it. She smells like a sugar cookie – like a mom. His chest aches.

"Please be well," she tells him, which is sort of an odd thing so say. He waves goodbye and watches her drive off. He stands at the door for a few minutes, looking at the space where her car had been.

He goes back into the living room. Jess is taking up the whole couch now.

"Who was that lady?" she asks, and she actually pauses her game, giving him the privilege of her attention.

He waves the mittens at her. "It was Mrs Savidge's daughter." He tells her a little bit about what they had spoken of. He tells her that she was really nice.

Jess smiles sincerely at him. "That's really cool, Robbie," she says. "That's really cool, right?"

"Yeah," he says. He smiles, too, and he means it this time.

He lays back down on the carpet. He writes about Mrs Savidge.

**AN: New work schedule and mean neighbors that like to play metal music at 2 am make for a sleepy circuswheel, who just wants to play with her dog and write Robbie/Jade.**

**Thanks to spinlight who encouraged me to post this!**


	29. Chapter 29

******Chapter Twenty-Nine**

"Hiking?" Robbie says doubtfully. He cradles his PearPhone against his shoulder as he pours himself some coffee. "You want to go _hiking?_"

"Yeah!" Beck sounds eager. It's the next day, mid-morning. Over the phone, Beck sounds more excited than Robbie has ever heard him sound at nine-thirty-six AM. "We can all go. The whole gang! The girls really want to. It'll be the first time we've all hung out this summer! Dude, it's almost August."

Oh god, all of them at once? Still, though...

"Are we really the type of people that go hiking?" Robbie asks. "I mean, none of us are really very sport-oriented. Can't we just play Wii Hiking together or something? We can bridge our internet connections. Won't even have to leave our houses."

"We are not going to play Wii Hiking," Beck snaps impatiently. Then he says, "Hey, bring your sister! Tell her to bring my game back. I'll trade her for Violin Hero."

"Need to work on your garden?"

"Ahaha," says Beck. "Are you going to come? Rob-Man! We can go to those old campgrounds behind highway 46. Shouldn't be a lot of other people out."

"I guess so," he says finally, a bit reluctantly. He's plotting it out in his head. Jess will probably be pumped to go. Sometimes, before the family fell apart, they would go on camping trips together. They haven't been hiking in years, maybe since she was seven or so.

Beck shouts happily in his ear for a few minutes. "So, uh," he says. "Can you call Jade? I would, except she hates me. Cat and Tori really want her to go."

"Oh. Yeah. Well, I'm actually supposed to meet her soon anyway. Do you think she'll actually want to go?"

"Nope," says Beck jovially. "But if anyone, you can convince her."

"Hmm," says Robbie, thinking.

"Just use your manly charm and rugged Jewish good looks."

"Yeah," says Robbie dismally, and hangs up to the sound of Beck's laughter.

* * *

Jade is unhappy.

"I don't hike," she tells him. Robbie had decided to just show up at her house, in lieu of calling and asking her about the change of plans. He's left Jess in the car to fiddle with the radio. "I don't do nature."

Robbie laughs a little. "Um, neither do I. Have you seen me?"

"Unfortunately."

He sends her a half-hearted glare, but continues talking. "Maybe it'll be, like, sort of … ah, fun? I mean, you know Cat is going to wear high heels. And when was the last time you hung out with everyone?"

She glowers at him. "Who's all going?"

"Uhh – everyone? Plus my sister. Beck, Andre, Cat, Tori - "

"Oh god, _Vega_?" Jade actually whines, stretching out the 'a' in Tori's last name. He blames it on the fact that she apparently hasn't had her coffee yet. There's no electricity in her kitchen right now because of … well, something Robbie doesn't really understand and doesn't fully want to. Jefferson and an egg in the microwave and two cartons of orange juice and a lot of duct tape. He blew a fuse out. Robbie has coffee for her, but it's safely in a thermos resting on the console of his car. It will be a bribe, or a reward.

"Oh stop," he tells her. "Tori isn't that bad."

Jade rolls her eyes heavily. "No, she's not. She's the _worst_."

"I thought you were over this, Jade?"

"Not before eleven AM!" she whines again. He thinks about it. This may actually be true. He's never noticed Jade actually speaking to Tori at school before their lunch period rolls around at noon.

He thinks. How can he work her early-morning distaste of Tori to his advantage (well, actually, it's to Beck's advantage, because Robbie isn't exactly super-thrilled at the thought of traipsing through the woods and getting eaten by a million bugs, not to _mention_ poison sumac)?

"Well, I have to go even if you don't," he tells her. "I have an obligation to Beck. I - "

"Yeah, when is your engagement party happening anyway?"

"Ugh!" says Robbie, and flails his arms. "You are so not even witty. He and I have barely seen each other this whole summer! Actually, that's why I _have_ to go. And since Cat is going too, there's no place for you to hide out at today." He sighs exaggeratedly. "I guess I'll have to pick up Tori instead. I guess I'll have to give her the coffee with no cream and four spoons of sugar that's in my car. I guess - "

Jade interrupts him abruptly: "Wait. You have coffee?"

Robbie looks at her warily. "Yee-es," He says slowly. "Sealed up tight, safe in my car. Jess has the doors locked. You have to get dressed and ready to get it."

She glowers at him. She's still in her pajamas – those Hello Kitty pants he'd seen forever ago, and an old black band t-shirt that she's cut the sleeves and neckline out of. Rolling Stones. It's not a band he'd expect Jade to listen to.

Robbie raises his eyebrows hopefully. Jade furrows hers dismally.

"Fine," she eventually grumbles.

"So you'll go?"

"_Fine._"

"Oh, great!" Robbie cries excitedly. "Do you have sneakers?"

Jade spares him a withering glance as she reaches the steps. "Of course I have sneakers, you freakzoid." She stomps up the steps slowly, her shoulders slumped in defeat.

Jess pokes her head between them when they finally settle into Robbie's car. "Do we have any hiking-theme music?" she asks brightly.

Jade growls.

"Maybe we can go to Jade's car and get her Tarzan soundtrack," Robbie says brightly. "For our jungle adventure."

Jade hits him on the shoulder. "Not. Mine!"

"I wanna know," Robbie sings at her. "Can you sho-oow me?"

Jade hits him again, glares, slurps her coffee. "You're an ass," she tells him. "I've been too lax with you lately." She yanks at the sleeve of his long-sleeved t-shirt.

"Hey!" he squawks. She rolls her eyes.

"You're going to sweat to death," she tells him. "I can't wait. I'm going to steal all your Creedence records."

Robbie frowns at her and shifts his car into drive.

Jade has changed into a light blue tank top and dark grey plaid-patterned shorts - it's nice to see her wearing colors. She stretches her surprisingly long legs out onto his dashboard. She has a small, light-brown birthmark on her left calf. It's sort of shaped like New Jersey.

"Quit checking me out, Shapiro," Jade says, looking out the window.

Robbie flushes. "I was not!"

"Hm," says Jade.

"Hm," Jess echoes her.

Robbie glares and keeps his eyes on the road.

It takes over an hour to reach the state park. Beck texts him with updates about every fifteen minutes or so. Robbie makes Jade read them off to him. Andre's making a turkey sandwich. Cat has worn sandals with wedge heels! Beck sat on his aviator sunglasses and broke them. Now Spin Doctors is playing on the radio!

"He thinks this is vital information?" Jade frowns.

"Spin Doctors is never on the radio," Robbie tells her. "Only the radio in Beck's and my head."

She rolls her eyes.

Finally they arrive at the campgrounds, just past noon. Beck is freaking out because one of his tires has blown out. Robbie calls him back as they step out of the car and survey the area.

"We're on the side of the highway," Beck tells him. "Cat's chasing butterflies. And I can't find the, the thing!"

"The spare tire?" Robbie asks doubtfully.

"No. The thingy! The thingy!"

"The – the jack thingy?"

"Yeah, that! I don't think we ever put it in the car after last year."

"We never even changed that tire," Robbie reminds him. "Remember, the doughnut ran down the hill."

Beck sighs, aggrieved. "Oh, crap. I guess I'll have to call a tow truck. Are you guys already there?"

"Yes," Robbie tells him slowly. Beck squawks as though this is a betrayal on Robbie's part.

"Try and wait for us," he instructs him. "I'll keep you updated!"

Robbie affirms, and hangs up. "Beck's tire blew out and they'll all stuck on the 101," he tells Jade. "It's really hot there and Beck has to pee."

Jade looks happy. "Tragedy," she says unkindly. Robbie rolls his eyes at her.

"Beck isn't coming?" Jess asks, crushed.

Robbie pats her sympathetically. "He'll get here eventually."

They hang around the main grounds for a while. Robbie acquires a map of the park and frowns at the winding trails that are marked off. Turtle Trail is one of the shortest ones, edging in at just under four miles.

They sit on some rusty old benches. Jade and Jess share a bag of chips. Jess whines that she's bored.

"Why don't we just go without them?" Jade says to Robbie. "I mean, Christ, we've been here for an hour already. And a tow truck isn't going to take them here."

"I guess so," he says doubtfully. They stand up and shoulder their backpacks and water bottles.

Jess glances back at them with glee as she takes the first step off of the blacktop and onto the winding dirt pathway into the woods. "We are about to embark on the Oregon Trail," she says over her shoulder. "Our destination? Willamette Valley."

Robbie's face lights up. He grins back at her. "What are our supplies?"

"Two hundred pounds of food. 400 bullets. One set of clothes each. Two spare wagon wheels."

"How many oxen?"

Jess considers. "Four."

Robbie blows out a hesitant breath. "Not too many, Jess."

Jess glares at him. "Do you think I'm made of money? I'm just a lowly carpenter."

Robbie laughs. Jade looks very unimpressed.

"Okay, I sort of see what you guys are doing here," she says, "and I think it's super lame."

They file out onto the path. The bushes are a little overgrown, but they spread out as the trio sets out deeper into the forest. They follow the blue-and-white markers that point them in the right direction whenever the small dirt road splits off into two. Blue-and-red or blue-and-yellow markers they don't want. Those hiking trails are much longer.

"Rough trail," Robbie grunts after he's gotten his foot stuck in a fallen tree trunk. Jade rolls her eyes at him as she easily sidesteps the log.

"You guys are idiots," she intones. Robbie smiles.

He and Jess keep the banter up as they hike onwards. They've only been going for about a mile, but already Robbie's a little tired, and more than a little sweaty. He's going to have to start riding his bike some more, he thinks.

"An ox has died!" Jess shrieks in despair. "Jade wanders off the trail! We rest for two days! ROBBIE HAS DYSENTERY! ROBBIE HAS DYSENTERY! We rest for a week."

"Jess has the measles," Robbie counters, glowering at her.

Jade, who has been hanging back a bit, just stares at them. "What are you talking about?"

Jess pouts at her. "We're on the Oregon Trail," she tells her. "It's the 1800s. We're rugged explorers looking to expand our territory. We're moving at a grueling pace! That's why Robbie keeps getting sick."

Jade just stares at her for a long minute, then seems to give up. "Oh, okay," is all she says. Jess beams.

They keep walking. Another oxen dies, but they trade off one of their spare wagon wheels. Eventually, they come to a break in the (real) path.

There's a small stream cutting across the little dirt road. It had probably started off as just a sluggish trickle of water, but the frequent rain this spring has caused the rivers in the park to overflow. The stream burbles by them quickly, maybe about eight yards in width. Jess squeaks in glee and splashes through it. The water touches the tops of her thighs in places. Robbie turns to Jade.

"Nope," she says immediately.

Robbie frowns. "It's safe," he tells her.

Jade glowers. "I don't care. I don't do running water. I can't cross that shit."

Robbie raises his eyebrows – he isn't sure why he's so surprised. Jade is definitely not a girly-girl by any means, but it has been stated multiple times that she isn't a fan of nature.

"Are you worried about bugs or something?" he asks her. "I mean, I Wikipedia'd this before I left the house. There aren't any leeches in this water."

Jade crosses her arms. "I just don't want to. I'll … turn back or something."

"We're almost at the end of the trail!" he cries. "We've got less than a mile. I won't let you hike back by yourself."

Jade just looks at him sourly.

"Come on," he coaxes her. "It'll be fine. I promise." He holds his hand out to her.

"I'm not a three year old, Shapiro," she growls, still glaring. She narrows her eyes at his outstretched hand. "Christ, I knew this whole day would be a disaster."

Robbie pouts at her. He waves his arm.

"Fine," she says finally, giving up. She takes his hand. Electricity cracks. Robbie can't help the smile that forms on his face, and he tugs her forward gently.

They ford the river.

Robbie notes that Jade holds onto his hand for an additional six seconds after they reach the other side. He counts them, because he can't breathe until she drops it.

Jess raises her eyebrows annoyingly. Robbie shoots her a desperate warning glance.

"We've reached Chimney Rock," is all she says.

* * *

"I need to write this down," Jade says, crashing into Robbie's bedroom. Her voice is hoarse from laughter. "Beck's _face_ – his face when he saw us all coming out of the woods, soaking wet. Oh, my god." She laughs some more.

Beck and the others had finally made it to the campgrounds at just after five o'clock. They'd driven around the various lots, looking for Robbie, Jade, and his sister. As luck would have it, the three of them had emerged from the forest trail right as Beck had parked his car almost dead in front of them in the D lot. Beck's mouth had dropped open so wide you could fit all of Kansas in it.

"You couldn't wait for me to come, Robbie?" he'd yelled. Now he was giving Robbie the silent treatment. He felt a bit bad, but he didn't understand why Beck seemed to think they could all manage a five-mile trek before it got dark at that point, nor what Beck had thought that Jade, Jess, and himself would be doing in the over four hours they'd been waiting for the others to arrive.

Beck would get over it. Well, he'd get over it, as soon as he realized Jess still had his video game and he needed to talk to Robbie to get it back.

Jade and Jess had found Beck's facial expression and choice of words particularly hilarious. They cracked themselves up with it for quite awhile at the beginning of the car ride home, but eventually give in to lethargy as the sun showed hints of waning and their muscles reminded them that they'd never hiked four miles of steep terrain before, and they had grown quiet.

Jess had checked Robbie with her hip as they'd reached the front door, though. "You couldn't wait for me to come, Robbie?" she'd bellowed, going into the house first, and Jade had shrieked with almost hysterical laughter. Robbie blamed it on the fatigue. He'd stood smiling as she leaned heavily on one of the porch beams, laughing.

Which brings them to now. Jade is still laughing. She leans heavily on Robbie's desk as he collapses onto his bed. He should really change first, he thinks to himself. He's just washed his sheets, and he's going to get them all sweaty.

He is kind of a mess. Jade hadn't even broken a sweat. She'd snorted at him when he'd expressed his amazement. "I told you," she'd said. "It's gross and I don't do it."

Now, she asks him, "Do you have a pen somewhere? I seriously need to document this."

He picks his head up briefly to speak before dropping it back down again. "Yeah. In my desk drawer."

He hears Jade slide the door open, still laughing to herself. He hears her push some papers aside. It's then that he remembers that he is a _complete idiot_ and just told her to open the drawer in which he is hiding fairly expensive jewelry for her.

"Actually, you know what, just ne-" but Jade crows in glee and cuts him off.

"Shapiro!" she says. "What is this?" She jangles the black plastic box at him. "Are you buying yourself jewelry now? Do you need that extra special something to feel oh so pretty?"

Robbie groans and puts his pillow over his face.

"No," he says, his voice muffled. Jade laughs some more.

"Who did you buy this for?" she demands, sounding impossibly amused. "Oh god, please don't say Cat. Are you trying to bribe a girl onto a hot date with you?"

He takes a second pillow and puts that atop the first one. Maybe if he's lucky, he'll smother to death. Doesn't she _know? _The box that the necklace is in is sort of dark, though, and she's so busy jingling it around and making fun of him that she probably can't really see it, and realize that it's hers.

"Open the card," he says, but it comes out as _Omffphmmumamph. _He pulls the pillows off of his face and clears his throat, tries again. He is aware that this is the bravest thing he's done in his life, possibly. "Open the card."

"Hm," says Jade doubtfully, and she sort of flips the box over to pull at the small Christmas card that Robbie had taped to the bottom. It's a Scooby Doo card, one of those teeny-tiny ones that elementary school kids are forced to get out en masse. He's wrote her name in it.

"Oh. Oh shit," she says, the last of the laughter dying from her voice. Robbie quickly puts the pillows back over his head. He waits.

There's a few long seconds of silence. Then he feels the bed creak and shift as Jade sits down beside him.

"So, can I open it?" she asks finally.

"Yeah," Robbie says, through the pillows. After a few moments, he peeps out at her.

She's got the box opened and is just sort of frowning down at the necklace. She hates it. She hates him.

Then:

"Wow," she says. "Why didn't you give this to me at Christmas?"

"Uuuuh," he says. His mouth is try, so he clears his throat. "Well, I was gonna, but Tori said – I mean, just – I thought it might be weird."

Jade smirks at him and lets her eyes drift to him, very briefly. "But you are weird," she says. "And never listen to Vega." She looks down at the necklace some more. She fingers the black beads, then pauses her hand at the tiny gleaming scissors with their dark green stones embedded into the handles.

"Seraphinite," she says.

"What?"

She looks at him again, quickly, then turns her gaze back to the box. "These stones on it. It's seraphinite. I like them."

He's forgotten that Jade took a Geology course first quarter sophomore year. It's another thing that he thinks is cool about her.

"Oh," he says. "I didn't know what they were."

"Yeah," she says. "They mine them out of Russia. They're minerals. Clinochlore."

He has no idea what that means. "Why are they called that?"

"They're supposed to look like feathers."

"Um, oh." He clears his throat again. "Seraph is originally a Hebrew word."

She raises a brow. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's in the Bible – the Torah. Um, like angels? Well, they're sort of snakes, I think, but yeah. It translates to 'burning ones.'"

It's amazingly apt. It's Jade.

"Cool," she says.

Robbie peeps out at her again. "So do you like it?" he squeaks.

She rolls her eyes at him. "Yeah," she says. "Yeah, I do. I like it a lot." Then she laughs and punches him in the side, but not too hard. "Shapiro, do you want to take me on a hot date?"

He turns redder than the lettering on his shirt (pretty darn red). He covers himself with the pillows.

Then he pulls them off. "Yeah," he says, forcing his voice to sound lofty. "I'll take you to see The Scissoring Part 2. We'll have to go to LA. We'll burn out the night."

Jade laughs again, and she flashes him a smile, and for once, that's all that it is, no sarcasm or nastiness in it. Just a smile, a smile that is for him alone.

"You're such a goober," she says.

He notes that this does not necessarily mean no.

**AN: I totally cracked my chizz up writing this one, and I think most of it will be lost on a lot of readers because you have to be a certain age and level of dork to appreciate Oregon Trail. I couldn't help myself!**

**ROBBIE FINALLY GAVE HER THE NECKLACE YAY NOW LAY OFF ME PEOPLE.**

**Thanks to spinlight and his very nice pants. He gave me the ideas for the good parts of this chapter.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

He does take Jade to see The Scissoring 2: Shear Terror. It's not exactly a hot date, however – she's sure to invite Cat and Andre along. It's not lost on Robbie that she's invited two people who are definitely no longer a couple.

He isn't bothered, though. It's a Friday night in Los Angeles, the sky is clear and the night is mild, and he's happy to be out with his friends. The sequel to The Scissoring is pretty low-budget, and they have to drive to the outskirts of the city to get to the one theatre that's playing it.

Robbie and Andre are buying tickets while the girls go to load up on candy and sodas. Cat had jumped on Robbie when she'd seen him, yelling and hugging him four times.

Andre chuckles now. "Cat sure was happy to see you," he tells Robbie.

"Cat's always happy to see me," he shrugs.

Andre raises his brows. "Yeah," he says. "What's up with _that_, man?"

Robbie's a bit befuddled. "Nothing? I mean … oh. Well, nothing, I guess. I don't have feelings for Cat, not anymore. And this is just always the way she's been with me."

"I guess so," Andre says doubtfully. "She's been talking about you a lot this summer. I think, maybe, if you tried for her again ..."

"No, no," Robbie tells him quickly. To be honest, he's a little tired of trying for anyone. Dr Parisch says he needs to try for _himself_ first, to be happy, and then he can go about trying to make others happy. He asks, "Isn't this, like, sort of weird … for us to be talking about?"

Andre smiles. "Naw. I thought it might be, for a minute, but then I remembered I'm Andre and you're Robbie and she's Cat. We're all friends, beneath everything."

Robbie smiles back at him. He is remembering why he had looked up to Andre so.

Andre laughs a little and hits him on the shoulder. "So, man, if you don't like Cat, who _do_ you like?"

"I don't know," says Robbie. He turns his gaze back across the lobby to the girls. Cat is pouting and waving about six boxes of candies at Jade. Jade's holding a package of Fat Cakes and looking annoyed. Somehow, she seems to feel Robbie's gaze on her, and she turns her head slowly, looking eyes with him. Her eyebrow goes up, and they exchange the _That Darn Cat!_ Look.

Andre _hmms _loudly.

They file into the theatre. Andre tugs at the sleeve of Robbie's too-big sweater and frowns, "Ain't you hot, man?"

"Nope," Robbie says, and Andre lets it go. He can feel Jade watching him from where she's settled beside him.

The Scissoring Part Two is sort of bad. Not that the original was some kind of masterpiece – well, not in Robbie's eyes; Jade would probably sing you a different tune – but it knew its place as a C-rate horror movie. The sequel takes place a few years after the first and is filled with cheesy actors, bad graphics, and a lot of red-dyed corn syrup. Robbie and Jade can't stop laughing at the lead's horrible acting choices and poor decision to try and fake a British accent.

Cat squeaks a lot and hides her face in alternately in her pink jacket and against Robbie's shoulder. Robbie isn't bothered. He waves some corn chips at her.

"You can look now, Cat," Jade says, right before the dead girl throws her gigantic shears at the protagonist's boyfriend. Cat pulls her face out of Robbie's shoulder and lifts her eyes to the screen just in time to see the boy get beheaded. She cries out loudly in dismay and disgust, and behind her, someone shushes them in annoyance.

Jade looks happy.

* * *

Hanging out with Cat and Andre has made Robbie feel more conscious about missing his other friends, though he doesn't entirely rue the fact that he's spent the whole month of July solely with Jade.

The first two weeks of August are the busiest Robbie's ever been over the summer:

He takes Jade, her brother, Tori, and his sister to Venice Beach. Jade isn't too thrilled to see Tori, but since it's after eleven, she keeps most of her complaints to herself. She makes Tori sit in the backseat of Robbie's car, smushed in with Jefferson and Jess. Tori doesn't mind. She plays I Spy with the kids.

Robbie is feeling pretty darn good – he's sitting on the beach between two gorgeous girls who are willingly sunbathing in his presence. Jess brings him nachos, which he shouldn't be eating, but does anyway. Jefferson follows her around dreamily. Tori eats five corndogs and then makes Robbie buy her two cones of cotton candy ("What?" she cries when he raises his eyebrows at her. "I didn't eat breakfast!"). They stay at the beach all day, watching the sun set. Jade is sort of shivering beside him, so he takes his sweatshirt off to give to her. It's getting dark so he doesn't worry about Tori seeing his arms.

He does go to a family party with just Jade – she's miserable over it so he decides to tag along. Sophia is pleased. She thinks that Robbie is a good influence on Jade. On the long car ride there (they take Sophia's SUV and cram Jefferson into the back row with a metric ton of plastic dinosaurs), Jade yells at her brother the whole time, complains about her father's halting driving skills, lambasts Robbie's choice of attire (he's wearing his orange sweater and his old clip-on tie), and is generally a joy for all to behold. "I think Robbie is very handsome," Sophia says, and Jade scowls. Her uncle – the same one that had held the three-day Christmas party with the ice sculpture of the greyhound – has the hugest front yard Robbie's ever seen. Jade mostly hides under the party awning and makes Jefferson bring her alcoholic drinks. She snaps her fingers and calls him Lloyd. Robbie does the Chicken Dance with a parade of tiny cousins, and Jade pretends she doesn't know him.

Beck finds it in his heart to forgive him and it's just like the beginning of sophomore year, sleeping over in his RV and watching crappy horror movies and playing too many video games. Sometimes Ali comes over, but sometimes not. Robbie isn't sure if they're together this week or not.

"Ali's really busy with school this summer," Beck tells him. "She's taking like four band courses. She says she doesn't have time for me. But she keeps coming back for more."

"Why?" Robbie asks skeptically.

Beck waits a second before throwing his arms out. "Chemistry!" he says, grinning.

Robbie rolls his eyes. He just gives Beck material, he knows.

He goes with Beck and Alison on an overnight trip to Seattle, where they watch a live taping of iCarly. Beck and Alison buy hats with the blond girl's face on them and look happy. Robbie doesn't get it- she makes a bag of pudding talk. How is that funny? On the long night-drive home, he and Beck try to sing Adventure Time songs to each other, but they can't really remember all of the lyrics, so Beck starts making them up about Alison instead. She looks aggrieved. She pulls her iCarly cap low on her head and sleeps in the backseat.

He spends an after noon at Cat's house. They wash Cat's three dogs: Noodle, Palmer, and Archimedes. Robbie sneezes a lot, but it's sort of fun anyway. Cat laughs the whole time and doesn't even shriek when Noodle, the biggest dog, shakes soap suds all over her and Robbie.

Cat's phone goes off while she's wringing her hair out into the kitchen sink. She fumbles to grab it. "Hellllooo nurse," she giggles, then frowns. She pulls the phone away from her ear to look at it. "Jade hung up on me," she informs Robbie, pouting a little.

"Oh yeah?" says Robbie, a bit concerned. He hasn't heard from Jade all day.

As he's getting ready to leave Cat's house, he sends her a text asking what's up, but she doesn't respond. He frets down at his phone for a few moments, then drives home and helps his mom make dinner – gluten free spaghetti and meatballs. It's very nice of her. He tells her about Cat's dogs.

His mother looks horrified instead of amused. "This is exactly why we don't have animals!"

Jess and Robbie give each other unhappy looks. Some things never change.

He spends a while playing card games in the living room with his sister. Beck's taught her how to play BlackJack, and she enjoys kicking Robbie's butt. It's close to eight when Jade calls him.

"Hi," he says nervously into the phone. Jade will sometimes text him a lot, now, but she's never the first to call, so right away he's on high alert.

She doesn't say anything.

"Jade?" he asks in concern.

He waits. Finally he hears: "Robbie?" in a small and doubtful voice.

"Jade? Are you all right?" he demands.

There's another long pause. "Yes," she says eventually. Her tone is more normal now, though she's still speaking very quietly. "Nevermind."

"What's wrong?"

Jade hesitates. "I called Cat first," she says, and he has to shush Jess and strain into the phone to hear her. "But I hung up on her. I don't know why I called. It's … forget it."

"...Jade?" he intimates.

"I, um …. ah, shit." She sighs. "My dad got a phone call today? My mom is in the hospital. It's, like, really bad."

"Oh my god!" says Robbie. "Jeez, Jade – I'll come over."

He hangs up before she can tell him no.

When arrives at the Wests' house and knocks on the door, Jade's little brother answers. Shouldn't he be in bed? Jeff sprawls out and takes up the whole doorframe. "What's the password?" he asks Robbie.

"Um," says Robbie doubtfully. He tries to remember back to the other day. "Is it still 'Donna Martin graduates!' ?"

Jeff looks dour. He moves aside to let Robbie in. "You may enter," he says.

Robbie slips through the doorway and frowns around at the silent, dark house. "Aren't your parents home?" he asks.

"Charity benefit," Jefferson says mater-of-factly. He's pulled a package of Twizzlers out of apparently the air and is chomping down on them now. "Jade is watching me. We're playing hide and seek, but she's just in her room. I'm making a fort! You wanna see?"

"Sure," Robbie says absently. Jefferson leads him into the living room. It_ is_ a pretty cool fort – it spans the entire room. He thinks that Jeff has stolen the tarp off of the West's pool to make it, but he decides not to bring that up right now. He tells Jeff that he's very impressed.

Jefferson beams at him. "I'll save you a spot in my containment cell," he tells Robbie. "It was going to be just me your sister and mine after the zombies come but we'll cut the food supplies for you, too."

_Oh. Good._ Jeff is just as weird as everyone else Robbie knows.

"Okay," he says.

Jeff's thick eyebrows go up. "Do you know about the zombie attacks in Florida, Robbie? _Jade says _that when it hits the government will try to cover it up. Sometimes she teaches me survival tactics. She's been showing me how to use a crossbow! Oh, and Jade says ..."

Oh, good lord. Like Jeff isn't crazy and impressionable enough. Of course Jade has to fill his head with images of the undead.

He lets Jeff go on for a few minutes, getting more and more worked up as his _'Jade says' _statements become increasingly elaborate. So when Jade herself slowly comes up behind him and hisses, "_I want to eat your flesh!_" the boy literally leaps two feet into the air and gives forth a shriek in a pitch higher than even Cat could reach.

Robbie can't help but laugh even has he feels a pang of empathy for Jeff – if Jade had done that to him, well, you'd better hope she had his emergency inhaler on hand.

"Hey Jade," he says.

She just looks him up and down before giving Jeff, who's bounced back and is squawking up at her, a little shove. "Yeah. Hey." She turns back to her brother. "Are you going to go to bed?" she demands angrily. This is the closest Jade gets to 'mothering' – anger.

"I'm sleepin' in my fort!" Jeff tells her. "I got my water guns in there! I got -"

"Dude, you can't sleep down here," Jade says, frowning. "This place is a dump. Your mom is gonna - " Then she pauses, and Robbie watches with a fair amount of interest as an odd, somewhat evil look flits across her face. "You know what, yeah, sleep down here."

Jefferson hollers with glee and with a sweep of his cape disappears underneath the pool tarp. Robbie rubs at his busted ear drum.

"Don't be a baby," Jade tells him, already heading back upstairs. Robbie follows her, squawking that he isn't a baby, but her brother is _loud. _He and Jade go up to her bedroom. She settles down onto her unmade bed, and after a few moment's hesitation, Robbie takes up her desk chair.

Jade sort of just sits there and doesn't say anything. She picks at a loose thread on her purple blanket.

"Are you all right?" Robbie forces himself to ask her. "What happened?"

Jade gives him a dark look. "It's fine," she says dismissively. "You didn't have to come all the way here."

"It's okay," Robbie says. He waits and doesn't say anything else. Jade will talk, eventually, if she wants to. Poking and pushing at her will get him nowhere.

She does speak, eventually.

She's pulled her blankets up around her as a shroud, and her pale face peeps out at him. She looks like an eskimo or something. A really cute eskimo. She probably wouldn't want to hear that, though. She makes a wry face at him and then begins to talk. "So my mom is, like, really sick."

Robbie waits.

"She OD'd again," Jade tells him. Robbie's eyebrows go up, but he fights to stay silent. "They didn't really say what it was. My dad let me talk to her doctor, though. They had to pump her stomach. She's in fucking Illinois!"

"Wow," he says.

Jade mumbles something under her breath. Then she looks up at him. "Yeah," she says. "It's really, really bad. She's, like – not awake, I guess. Her kidneys are, like, fucking up."

"Jesus, Jade!" he cries out. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine!" she snaps at him. "It's fine. _I'm_ not the one in the hospital, all right?"

"All right!" he squeaks. He watches her hesitantly. Her face is stony, and she doesn't speak for a long time. He doesn't know what to say or what to do. There's nothing he can think of that would help her in this situation.

"So the hospital called us," she grits out. "It happened, like, almost a week ago, but they're just finding our information now. Because she didn't even remember my father's fucking last name! They had to go back through like nine years of court papers."

"Will she be all right?" he asks timidly. "What happens if her kidneys fail?"

Jade shrugs. "She gets one of mine."

Oh.

"If I let her have it," she continues. "Both her parents are dead and she doesn't have any brothers or sisters. Her mom died when she was little. We."

She stops for a long time. She looks down, cocooning herself further into the blankets. Her chin disappears into them.

Robbie waits.

"We lived with her dad – you know, my grandpa, for a few years, when I was little. He had cancer – throat cancer or lung cancer or some shit. He had one of those tanks – like an oxygen tank." The blanket moves a little, probably as Jade tries to wave an arm at him before she remembers she's all wrapped up.

"Wow," says Robbie.

Jade snorts. "He'd take the fucking oxygen mask off and then they'd just fucking smoke. She's so stupid – why did she let him do that?" She chews on her lip, doesn't give Robbie the time to answer. "But he was really nice, even though he was sort of scary-looking. I think we lived with him until I was like four or something. It was better, then. His house was nice."

"Yeah?" says Robbie, because she seems to want him to say something.

Jade doesn't say anything. She nods, and her face sort of crumples. It's exceedingly alarming. "She should know better!" she bursts out, and then collapses onto her side. She kicks a little and pulls the blanket over her face.

"Jade," he says, alarmed. He stands up and takes a few steps towards the bed before he stops in the center of the room, his arms sort of outstretched. He's sure he looks like an idiot, but Jade is wrapped up in her cocoon, unable to see him.

She _sniffles._

Oh dear god. Oh dear _god. _Oh _dear _g-

He thinks, with a dim, sinking horror, that Jade West is crying. He hadn't even been sure that Jade could produce tears. That one, solitary sniffle pulls him out of his frozen stature. He crosses the rest of the room and sits awkwardly on the corner of her bed.

"Jade?" he says, and pats the lump of blankets carefully. He thinks he pats her shoulder. He hopes to God it's her shoulder. Jade doesn't respond. The blankets sift a little, though, and her foot – electric-blue toenails – peeps out of a corner.

"I'm really sorry that your mom is sick," he tells her. "I'm sure she'll be all right."

Jade pulls down the blanket a bit so her face is looking out at him. She isn't wearing her usual pound of eye-makeup, so there aren't any telltale mascara tracks to let Robbie know if she's crying or not.

"That's not the point, four-eyes," she says. She starts to pull the blanket back up but Robbie grabs the hem of it. She glowers at him.

"Then what is it?" he asks, in what he hopes is a comforting tone.

"It's – you wouldn't understand," she says gruffly.

He raises his eyebrows and bits his lip at her. Wouldn't he? He waits for her to speak. He hopes she will.

She does. "It's – she's – she's so _stupid!_"

He forces himself to be silent. He doesn't think agreeing with her at this moment wil be very beneficial, even though he does.

Jade continues: "She, she – they had to fucking take me away from her to get her better. I thought she would, I really thought she would. I mean – I thought – " She tries to pull the blanket up again, but Robbie's still got hold of it. She makes a small noise of disapproval.

"They took me away from her and she doesn't even care. It's like I was off her back and that just, like, like, _freed her up!_ Now she can do what she wants. All she wants is to do drugs. Why is she like that? Why does she want that shit?"

"I don't know," he says quietly.

Jade sniffles again. "I bet she was glad they took me. Now she didn't have to worry about me. She could do what she wants. She doesn't give a shit about me, Shapiro. She never wanted me. She just does whatever the fuck she wants. She doesn't want me. She doesn't care about me."

Two tears roll down her face. Robbie is chagrined. He flops down on her bed, on his side, so that he's facing her. She doesn't pull her blanket up again. She just sniffles and looks at him.

"She doesn't even want to know me," she says in total misery. "She doesn't care about being better."

"Well, she's an idiot then," Robbie says roughly.

Jade doesn't answer him. She just closes her eyes. Two more tears leak out and track down her cheeks.

"Jade, you're so – you're the coolest girl I know," he forces himself to say. "If your mom doesn't see that, if she doesn't know that already, she's an idiot. You're so – you're so smart, you're like amazing. I always knew that. When I saw your movie last year – I mean, I mean, I got it, I really got it. It doesn't matter if your mom can't see it. Everyone else can."

Jade opens one eye and squints at him. "My movie?" she asks in a small, high voice. "No, you helped with that."

"No," Robbie says, blushing. "Not The Sun Dog. Your – your showcase sophomore year. Cat and I went to see it. Didn't Beck tell you we were there?"

Jade allows her other eye to open. It makes Robbie realize just how close together they're laying, and he blushes furiously. He notes, not for the first time, that he and Jade spend way too much time together on each other's beds than two people who are just friends probably should.

"No," she says quietly. "He didn't. But I sort of made him not talk about it, ever. It was shit anyway."

"No it wasn't!" Robbie cries. "I loved it!"

Jade just breathes out through her nose. Up so close, he can see the tiny freckles she has, sprinkled high up on her cheekbones. He's never noticed them before. He wonders if she usually hides them with her makeup. How could he not have noticed them before?

"Thanks, Shapiro," she finally says.

"You're welcome." He's still blushing. He thinks he should move away now, but he can't bring himself to. And she looks so _sad,_ still. He tries to think of something else he can say to her. But she probably doesn't want to hear about how pretty he thinks she is right now, so he just keeps quiet, and they just look at each other.

"I don't want to talk about my mom anymore," Jade tells him, point-blank.

"Okay," he says. He waits for her to suggest that they put a movie on or something. He isn't going to move away until she tells him to. He has said that he won't leave again.

But Jade doesn't tell him to put a movie on, or to turn out her light, or to go home. She just burrows a little bit into her comforter and then she closes her eyes and all she does is lay there. So Robbie just lays there, too. Eventually, at some point, they both sleep.

**Author's Note: Rough couple of days. I'm not sure how I feel about this one - liked the first half, but feel like I could have done better with the latter. I do love jerking you guys around, don't I? Cenobite, you were right, it actually was Jade who asked Robbie out! I'm going to touch more on that later. **


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty-One**

Jade shoves him out the door the next morning at seven-thirty. It's not the first time he has slept over at her house, or she at his, but it _is_ the first time that he has done so and her father has been home. It's a weird thing to think of. That they'd both slept at each other's houses, not Jade's father being home, that is.

"He'll have a cow if he sees you," Jade says, shoving him again for good measure. Her tone is something just above a hiss. "Shit, he'll have two."

Robbie skids out onto the porch. "But are you going to be all righ-"

"Shapiro! No feelings! No talky! Drive-y! Go! Go home!" She shoves him a third time.

"Good – _lord,_ woman!" he yelps, tripping and nearly falling into the shrubbery that lined the concrete front steps. It takes a few moments of flailing and a few more quick steps to right himself. He dusts his jeans off and looks warily at the wood chips that have kicked up onto his sneakers. "Don't worry," he tells Jade. "I'm all right. You didn't manhandle me with all of your shoving."

Jade rolls her eyes at him. "Good-_bye,_ Robbie." She actually makes a shooing motion at him with her hands!

A little reluctantly, he starts down the front walk, turning and walking backwards so he can look at her. "Will you call me later?" he asks.

"Whatever," Jade glowers. At his look, she grits out, "Yeah, later, okay?"

He'll take it.

* * *

"Later" turns out to be a very vague time-frame. Three days pass without a call or text message from Jade. Robbie sends her a few texts here and there, his frown growing each time she doesn't respond to him.

He hopes she isn't having her kidney taken out.

But if it's not that, then – well. That's not very good news for him, is it? He doesn't see how he could possibly have upset her. Has he done something wrong, and she has not yet realized it until now? Should he not have called her mother an idiot?

His life is oddly, pathetically empty without his friends – without Jade. On Thursday afternoon, two nights after the morning which she'd shoved him haphazardly off of her front porch, he, on a whim, calls Tori.

_Do not text her again_, he tells himself firmly, _do not!_ and his fingers hit the buttons of their own accord.

So he calls Tori instead.

"Robbie?" she answers, a little hesitantly for some reason.

"Hi Tori," he says.

Then she's just happy. "Robbie! Hi! Sorry, just – you never call me! I was surprised."

"I do too!" he insists. He'd called her, when … ? Oh, well, actually, she had been the one to call him on the day they'd all gone to the beach – he'd invited her. And she had called him over Christmas – he'd invited her. And she had called him … oh, okay, okay. But he had called, in July, to explain where he'd been. He's not sure if that really counts, though.

"I called you in July!" he tries anyhow.

"That doesn't count!" Oh. As he'd thought.

"So um … " Robbie hems and haws. It's different asking Tori to come out and do something when he doesn't have Jade or his sister hovering over him, alternately looking upset because Tori sucks or squealing because they think Tori's so fun (you can match up the lines as to who thinks what yourself, folks). "What are you doing this afternoon?" This afternoon. Who says that? He should have said today, or tonight. But tonight would imply that -

"Well, I have a date with Pacey Witter in a few," Tori tells him brightly.

"Oh," says Robbie. "Who?" _Pacey?_ Who? Does he go to Hollywood Arts? And Tori has a date with him? She totally hasn't updated her Splashface page about any dates – Tori updates about everything! "Is he in our grade?"

"Robbie!" Tori's laughing at him. "Sorry, maybe that reference is too old for you. I'm watching Dawson's Creek all day! So no, nothing to do at all."

"Oh," he says dumbly. Then he frowns with indignation into the phone. "Is this a 90s thing? Tori! I've told you not to reference 90s stuff at me. They make me feel stupid!"

"I'm sorry!" Still giggling at him. The humanity! "It's just that I love it so much. Hey, do you want to come over and watch it?"

"No."

"Oh," says Tori, greatly saddened.

"We can do something else, though," he tells her. "I mean, if you want. Just not …. that. Please, Tori. _Please._"

"It's not that bad!" Tori exclaims, the laughter still in her voice. "You haven't even seen any of it!"

"Well, I remembered it once you said the name," he points out. "That guy with the big forehead – I really can't._ Please,_ Tori!"

"Oh fiiiiine!" Tori drawls. "So what do you want to do?"

After a few minutes of debating, and then another few to get himself ready, he goes to his car and goes in and he picks Tori up at her house. She's finally, finally passed her driver's test, and she's working on getting a car out of her parents. So far, they want her to share with Trina, who is, shockingly, never home. She's taking a few courses at the community college this summer. She's graduated, which Robbie had missed, of course.

Tori drags him to the mall, and she makes him look at shoes, just as Jade had done. Girls! He doesn't understand the need for shoes. He has two pairs of sneakers. What else is there?

After an hour or so of Tori pulling him into store after store, they head to the food court for frozen yogurt. "So what have you been up to?" he asks politely.

Tori is frantically licking the jimmies off of her quickly-melting cone. She sighs and squashes the yogurt into the paper cup she's grabbed from the vendor. "Oh, you know," she says. "Not much. Trina's been out a lot, so that's been – _really nice."_ She laughs. "So I've been watching a lot of TV. Cat called me the other day, but I was out with Mom. I haven't really been doing much at all, not since we went to the beach!"

"Oh," he says. He isn't sure why this surprises him. He's always imagined Tori to be a shining beacon of popularity. Maybe he should call her more. "Hey, do you still, um, do you have any friends at your old school?"

"Oh." Now Tori looks upset for some reason. "Well, not really, not anymore."

"Oh," says Robbie. They really need to find another word. "I'm sorry?"

Tori waves a hand at him. "No, I mean, I do! Just not many good friends anymore." She looks even more depressed. "Just – well, my old best friends, we don't really talk anymore."

"Why not?" he hedges. She looks like she wants to talk about it. Robbie's used to being the sounding board for people's problem.

"You know," says Tori. "Well, there was this _guy."_ She rolls her eyes. "He was actually my friend Christina's older brother. I had a huge crush on him." She pauses. "Unfortunately, so did my other best friend, Leana." She looks depressed again. "Well, she knew I liked him, but they went on a few dates anyway. We sort of got into a huge fight over it. Then Chris got mad at us too, because we were being stupid over her brother."

"Jeez," says Robbie sympathetically.

Tori nods. She purses her lips. "Yeah," she says. "This was all happening, like, right when I was maybe getting into Hollywood Arts. Then we didn't talk for a while. I still hear from Chris now and then, but - " she shrugs. Then she beams at him. "It's okay, though. I mean, I've met tons of cool people since I've switched schools."

"Yeah," he tells her agreeably. He feels bad. Why can't Tori find a good guy that won't date her friends or girls from iCarly?

"I mean – Cat's great, but she's a little … well, Cat. So you and Andre, you guys are like, my best friends!" Tori throws her arms out and beams at him some more. A little bit of her melted yogurt splashes onto his glasses. She giggles. "Oops."

Robbie laughs too. He takes his glasses off and wipes them down with the sleeve of his ratty grey hoodie.

"So how's Jade?" Tori purses her lips at him again. She pokes him in his bicep. Well, where his bicep would be if he actually had any muscles. He blushes, for some reason.

"Ah, I don't know," he mutters. "I'm sort of worried about her."

Tori instantly frowns. "Is she all right?" she asks, her brows dropping down.

"Ahh," says Robbie again. He really needs to watch his mouth. He hasn't spilled to Tori any of his secrets. He can't be giving away Jade's. "Just, you know – family stuff."

"Hmm," Tori says, still frowning. "I hope she'll be okay. You know, Jade's really lucky to have a best friend like you."

His whole face feels warm. He's sure he's turned a nice shade of pink – salmon, Beck would say. He likes to document and label the different colors that Robbie can turn. The Shades of Shapiro, he'd say happily.

"I guess so," he says to Tori. She grins at him.

* * *

"I wanna go to a party," is what Jade says to him when he picks up his PearPhone. His ringtone for when Jade calls is that old Shaggy song, "Angel." Jade really cracks herself up. It's so embarrassing. She'll never call him just to talk – he has to make that move - but she does loves to call him when he's in public places and then hang up, and call again! How does she always know when he is out?

"A party?" he says doubtfully. From where she's sitting on the couch (Little House is on), Jess piques her eyebrows at him.

"Yeah," says Jade, who obviously doesn't care that she's worried the hell out of him by not contacting him for the last three days. "Are you up for it?"

"Umm," says Robbie. "What kind of party?"

There's a pause in which he's sure she's rolling her eyes at him. "A party party," she says.

"Oh that kind." Robbie rolls his eyes. "The best kind."

She laughs at him. It stings a little, probably because he's a bit irritated at her. She hasn't spoken to him in three days! What is he supposed to think? He's been worried, God … God _darn_ it.

"Shapiro," she says, her voice whining a little. He realizes she's been talking, and he hasn't been listening.

"How's your mother?" he asks her.

"Oh," says Jade and falls silent. He waits. "She's better now."

"Did you …. ?"

"Did I what?" she sort of snaps at him. "They took out her left kidney. So she's okay, I guess. That's the one that was giving her problems. She's okay."

"Oh. Did you … see her?"

"No," says Jade shortly. "I sort of wanted to, but it's far away. Then she was in surgery. So."

"Oh," he says again.

"Yeah, so, it's over with."

"Okay," he says awkwardly.

Jade sighs at him. "I'm done with it, Shapiro. I just want to go out! I'm stuck babysitting, though."

Hmph. "Then how are we going to go to a party?" he asks her.

On the couch, Jess looks wildly interested.

Jade considers. "I think Jeff could fit into your trunk. There'll be enough air to last him a few hours."

"_Jade!_" he gasps in horror. He knows she's kidding, but he just can't help it. "We can't leave your brother in my trunk, Jade!"

Jade laughs happily. "What did I tell you about saying my name like that, Shapiro? Turns me on."

"Oh shut up," he says grumpily.

Jess is off the couch now, bouncing across the room to him. "I'm an experienced babysitter!" she cries. He rolls his eyes. No she isn't! Reading the Babysitter's Club does not make you an aficionado, he thinks, and tells her so. Over the phone, Jade snickers.

Jess dances at him. "Are you and Jade going to go out?"

"No we aren't. She's babysitting," he tells her pointedly.

Jade sighs heavily. Next to him, Jess sighs too. She grabs the phone from his hand. Robbie squawks, but ultimately lets her take it.

She and Jade talk for a few long moments. Jess giggles and _hmms_. She frowns, then giggles again, then brightens. Robbie's afraid. Eventually, Jess pulls his PearPhone from her ear, grinning. She taps the screen a few times, hanging up.

"We're going to Jade's," she tells him. "I'm going to babysit – for a lot of money! - and you and Jade are having a date night."

A _date night!_ Oh, they think they're so funny, don't they? Robbie growls a little at her. She gives him her Stern Gaze – looking disturbingly like Mom, and he gets himself in gear. Grumbling, he changes, Jess bounces around in the hallway, and he takes them to Jade's. Jess runs into the house before he's even managed to park.

Jess and Jeff are shouting and running around in the kitchen and dining room. Well, Jess runs around, inspecting things, and Jeff follows her fitfully, hollering joyfully. Jade's slipping on her Doc Martens, smirking at him and smoking in her house.

Oh, his life. Jade claps him on the back. "We're outie," she hollers. She grabs him by the neck of his shirt and drags him out the front door.

"So," he says, when they're in his car with the engine idling, Jess and Jefferson safely situated and doing paper mache in Jade's kitchen (nothing of that scenario particularly screams "safe" or "situated" to Robbie, but at least they've promised not to use the stove), "where to?"

Jade gives him a sort of smile he's never seen on her before. It's coy and it's dangerous and it's something … well, he doesn't know. "Rider Daniels'," she says.

Robbie stares at her for a minute before exploding: "That... that _skunkbag?_ Jade! Are you serious? After what he did to Tori? We can't go to his house!"

Jade sort of laughs at him, but it cuts out before it can really get started. "Chill _out,_ Robbie!"

"I will not chill out! It's impossible for me to chill out!"

She sighs very heavily. "Yes. I know that. I really, really know that."

Hey! He's being insulted! Right here in his very own car! "Jade!"

"Can you just be quiet?" she snaps, and even though it's still pretty early, not quite nine, she looks very tired. "Look, I'm not doing this to piss off Vega or something."

"You aren't?" he asks doubtfully.

"No! Look, I really don't want to hook up with the douchebag and then do his homework for him when school starts. I just want to, like, you know, dance. I want to hear some MUSIC!"

With a quick flick of her wrist she turns his car stereo up almost to the max. He's got In Utero in, still, and Kurt Cobain's pained voice fills the car – well, painfully.

"_Sing with me!_" Jade yells at him over the raucous guitars, and if he didn't know better, he'd say her voice was pleading.

So he does.

And he puts his car into drive.

The party soundtrack at Daniels' house seems to be consisting entirely of Radiohead. "How droll," Jade says, sounding bored, as they stand in the threshold of the living room, watching the teens milling around.

"What's wrong with Radiohead?" he asks.

Jade flashes him an apt imitation of her bright smile. "Nothing before Kid A!" she chirrups. Kid A? But there wouldn't be anything before Kid A, would there? Unless she's going super backwards and she likes, what, Kid Z? What is that anyway? A guy in the band?

"What - " he starts, but then she grabs his wrist and drags him across the room to the bar – yes, the actual bar. There are a bunch of people chilling out in front of and behind it, but Jade just forces herself past them and starts rattling the glass bottles around.

"These up for grabs?" she asks no one in particular. A few of the kids pause to look at her in disinterest, and she shrugs. "Cool." Robbie clears a space on the bar counter (it's already littered with empty red plastic cups) and leans and looks at her.

"What'll it be, Samberg?" she asks, waving a bottle of Grey Goose in his face. He rolls his eyes at her.

"Do we really need to drink?" he says.

"Do we really need to drink?" she imitates him. She slams a shot glass down in front of him.

They hang out at the bar for a while, nearly an hour, watching the people come and go. A lot of them are dancing. Robbie hadn't really know that people dance at parties like this. Sure, teens are always dancing in the 90s romantic comedies that Cat makes him watch, but that isn't real life.

They trade the bottle of vodka between them, and Robbie laughs as she makes fun of their classmates. A few people come up and talk to them. Chrissy, his lab partner from last year, hangs out and chats for a few moments. Robbie can tell she's surprised to see them together. As she finally wanders away, Jade makes a sour face at her back. She takes another shot.

The world is beginning to take on a sort of hazy glow. Robbie can feel his heart hammering loudly in his chest. It seems to be beating rather fast, but right now, he doesn't mind. He and Jade are sitting close together on the leather bar stools, laughing a little, and it's not even a dream. He starts singing along to one of the songs that he knows. His voice cracks when he gets to the high part, and Jade laughs at him.

"Let's dance," she says suddenly.

"You – we – _dance?_"

Jade rolls her eyes. "Are you already incoherent?"

"No," Robbie croaks. Honestly, the thought of dancing isn't freaking him out too much – nearly everyone else is! _Not _freaking out is what's bother him. He's found that he's pretty drunk, and while the idea of busting out some moves with Jade right now is pretty appealing, he doesn't want to deal with the pictures that will probably go up on Splashface later. And it's _dancing_. With_ Jade._ What parallel universe is this?

"Well, come on, Loki," Jade says, grabbing at his wrist once more. Even though he's wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt, he can feel how hot her palm is. He can't really do anything but follow whenever Jade grabs him, he knows.

She drags him out to the middle of the living room. It's pretty crowded, and they can't really move more than two inches without bumping into someone. Robbie really doesn't know how to dance, so he just jumps up and down wildly for a few minutes, a major contrast to the slow, wailing song that's playing. Jade laughs at him. "Quit it, you dork!" He stops bouncing and grins at her. Another song starts playing. Behind them, there's a fairly loud crash from the kitchen. Robbie doesn't look away.

"I love this song," Jade tells him. Someone pushes up past them, and she sort of falls into his chest. The world flashes white-bright for a second. Jade growls and whips her head around, trying to see who had shoved her. She's still sort of leaning on him.

"Let it go," he advises her, and is shocked when she seems to listen to him.

The room is pretty dim, and the lame strobe light Daniels has set up is flashing many different colors down at them. The Radiohead singer (Kid A?) croons some more. Jade laughs again, and she turns so that her back is towards him. She shoves a short girl forward to make room for them. Robbie can't help but laugh a little, even though it's mean.

Jade's wearing the necklace he'd gotten her. He watches the little silver chain that's clipping the pearls together dangling down the back of her neck.

She's – well, dancing. She looks really good in the black sundress she's wearing. She'd also probably kill him if he told her that. They've gotten pushed close together again, and now and then, her hips and butt will knock into his torso - he's sure he's red as a tomato. He doesn't really know what he's supposed to be doing, so he timidly lets his hands find her hips and rest there. Jade laughs with glee. She throws her head back, and he watches the muscles in her pale neck strain as she does so.

She's got her hair pulled up, and a few strands of dark are escaping the clip to drape almost strategically and teasingly against her shoulders. The dress leaves a good half of her back exposed, and she has a tiny, barely upraised, dark mole on her left shoulder-blade. He can't stop staring at it. That birthmark is the center of the universe, and everything spins around it. When he moves his hand, he allows it to ghost over her shoulders.

"_You, me, and everything, caught in the fire," _wails the loud stereo. Jade is singing too, though it's hard to hear her. The guitars pound through the walls. His head is spinning. He keeps his eyes focused on her star-white back, the shock of the tiny black straps of her dress contrasting against her skin. Trying not to think about the things he's thinking, the things he's feeling, or how much the room is spinning. Jade moves against him, then away. He can smell the perfume she's wearing. Some of her hair falls into his face when he leans down slightly.

Jade laughs. She reaches around up and behind her, and she tugs on his hair. He chuckles a little, allowing his hand to find placement on her hip once more. Jade moves against him again. Her hand is still in his hair. The song is drawing to a close.

Robbie pushes away from her before she can feel how hard he is.

He shoves past the crowds of drunk teens and somehow he finds himself in the downstairs bathroom. The small, dim room is tilting and spinning dangerously. What is wrong with him? He splashes some cold water on his face, holds his breath for a long ten seconds in an attempt to make the room right itself.

He can hear his heartbeat. Hell, the whole house should be able to hear his heartbeat.

What is wrong with him? Why had he danced with Jade like that? Why had he thought that would be a good idea? And, more importantly, for the love of Moses, why had he _stopped?_

He stays in the bathroom for a few long moments – to be honest, he has no idea how much time passes. He still feels very dizzy, and though he feels as though he's breathing rapidly, it seems as if he can't seem to get enough air. This isn't just the effect of Jade.

He slips out of the bathroom and shoulders his way down the darkened hallway, pushing past and counting exactly four couples making out. The scattered lights hurt his eyes and the music is pounding – someone has finally overturned Radiohead in favor of the pop radio. He leans against the wall close to the doorframe, frowning out at the crowd that's spread out all around the living room and beyond.

Jade knocks into him. She's appeared out of nowhere. Her hair is falling out of her clip, tumbling out down over her shoulder. "Where'd you go?" She purses her lips, dark red, at him.

He opens his mouth but no sound can come out. He pauses to take a breathe. "Are you ready to leave?"

She raises her eyebrows, casts a quick glance around. "Um, I guess so. You all right?"

"No," he says. "I don't feel too good."

"You're such a lightweight, Shapiro," she says. "Okay, we can go. This place blows anyhow. "She grabs his sleeve and tugs him forward a little. "Shit – my purse. Wait for me on the steps, okay?"

He manages a nod, then slowly works his way through the groups of teenagers until he hits the front door. He goes outside and leans heavily on the porch rail, looking out into the night. The floor is vibrating gently with the music that's coming from inside. It gives him an unsettling feeling, like he's floating.

The music grows momentarily louder as the door opens and shuts. Jade appears beside him. "Shapiro?"she asks. "You all right?"

"No," he says, "I think I - " Then he throws up all over the railing and into the bushes of Rider Daniel's porch.

"Oh shit!" screams Jade, in a mixture of disgust, delight, and concern. "Holy shit, Robbie!"

"Sorry," he manages. His stomach hurts, and his heart won't stop jack-hammering. He doesn't really know what to do aside from wipe his mouth on his sleeve.

"Jesus," Jade says. "Well, I guess you can't drive. Gimme your keys."

He digs through his pocket miserably as they start down the few porch steps. He pauses to look at the spoiled bush. "Should I - ?"

Jade laughs. "Nope. Leave it for his parents to find. A nice surprise. See ya, Daniels!"

They stumble down the street towards Robbie's Honda. Jade is complaining about his lack of tolerance. "You only had, like, five shots."

Robbie stops walking as another wave of dizziness overwhelms him. He feels amazingly, amazingly anxious – it's as if you took the feelings of every bad thing that had happened to him over the past year and crammed them into a single synapses of his brain which is firing off _right now_.

"Might be my medication," he mutters.

The world is spinning again, so he can't be entirely sure, but he thinks Jade's eyebrows raise dangerously. "Medication?" she demands. "What medication?"

"My antidepressants." He tells her the name of them. He leans heavily against a telephone post. They've nearly reached his car, he notes.

Jade's eyebrows practically fly off her face. "Shit, Robbie!" she hollers. She whacks him with her huge purse. His stomach roils. "You can't drink with that shit!"

"I wasn't sure," he manages, and them vomits violently onto the sidewalk. Some of it splashes onto Jade's boots.

She looks at him darkly.

"Sorry," he manages. Why can't he _breathe?_

Jade glowers at him. "Just you wait," she says. "Just you wait. Get into the car – can you?"

"Yeah," he mumbles. He jerks forward, probably stepping in his own upchuck. Jade grabs his elbow and guides him to the car, muttering angrily.

"Shit, Shapiro," she grumbles again. "Why didn't you tell me this crap?"

He can't really answer her – he's too busy fumbling with the door handle. Eventually it catches and opens, and he slips inside the passenger seat. Jade quickly crosses the front of the vehicle and slids in beside him. "Shit," she says again.

"Don't be mad at me," he says in misery. He leans his head heavily against the cool glass of the window.

Jade grunts and jerks his car into reverse. She glowers into his rearview mirror, trying not to hit the car that's parked too close behind him.

"Whatever," she says. "I guess … shit, we'll go back to my house. My parents won't be home until tomorrow. You think you can make it?"

"Yeah," he croaks. Jade frowns at him, then puts the car in drive. She peels quickly down the street.

Jade drives fitfully, and doesn't comment until Robbie rolls the window down at a red light to vomit out of the side of his car.

"Gross," she says. "Did you even eat today?"

Robbie mumbles a reply. His stomach is pretty much empty now, he thinks. He sadly watches a thin line of bile drip off the outside of his poor car. They reach Jade's house pretty quickly – she drives dangerously, and Daniels doesn't live very far from her home. She parks Robbie's car in the side driveway, behind her defunct Gremlin, and quickly crosses and drags him up out of the car.

"Can you stand?" she asks him.

He can. His stomach isn't too bad anymore, but it's still sort of hard to breathe, and he can't stop the ground from tilting up at him. "Sorry about your shoes."

She glowers at him again, taking his elbow once more and leading him somewhat gently towards the front walk. "Don't worry about it. You're fucking lucky I wore my boots."

Yes, yes he is.

Jade spends a moment unlocking the front door, then shoos him inside. "Can you get upstairs?" she asks. "I gotta check on Jeff and Jess." Her words run together at him, _JeffandJess. _Jeff and Jess and Jade. The triple J's. It would make him grin, if he wasn't still fearful of throwing up.

He makes his way up her winding staircase as she splits from him, checking out the kitchen and living room. Jefferson's light is on in his room, this weird spinning carnival mobile (not a Spencer Shay original), but he doesn't pause to check in. If they're in there, he doesn't want them to see him like this.

Jade's bed is unmade, and there's actually a pile of clothes littered on the floor – unheard of from her. It feels wrong to lay on her bed now, when he's so sick and has been thinking such impure thought about her. He sinks to her floor instead. He looks up and counts the silvery speckles on her floor until she comes in.

She's holding a little bucket, one that people use to wash the floors with. "It's clean," she says. "In case you vom."

"I think I'm done," he croaks. "Where's my sister?"

Jade rolls her eyes. "She's asleep on Jeff's top bunk. He's on the floor on a bunch of blankets. Robbie, she got him to clean the fucking living room! And his fucking room – it's _spotless._"

Robbie grins, even though it hurts his head to do so. Womanly wiles. He completely understands.

Jade moves close to him. "Are you, like, okay?"

"I think so," he lies. He doesn't think he'll throw up again, though he's glad that she has brought the container up. He can't bring himself to say anymore. He feels wired so tightly – it's as if the whole night, the whole year, has never happened. She makes him feel so nervous. He can actually feel his heart and all of its pumps right up in his throat. If he answers her again, he's sure it will all spill out.

"Shit, Robbie," she mutters. She settles down next to him. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me you were taking that crap? I wouldn't have … " She chews her lips. "Well, I wouldn't have made you drink like that."

His heart thuds dully against his tonsils. "It's okay," he says very quietly, barely moving his lips. "I'm real sorry – I didn't know. I mean, I didn't know. Sorry about your boots."

Jade casts him a sidelong glance, and she sort of snickers at him. "Whatever," she dismisses. "I can't wait to get the flu. I'm so going to vom all over you. You won't know what to do."

"The flu?" he croaks.

She rolls her eyes. "Like alcohol would make me sick. Seriously, Shapiro, I thought you knew me. That's above me."

"Right," he croaks. He can hear her words, and comprehend them, and he understands that this is not a dream, but it sure feels like it. He flops down onto the ground, landing heavily on his shoulder. He's sort of in the fetal position. "Don't be mad at me."

Jade sort of growls, and then she rolls her eyes again. "I'm not mad at you, Shapiro. Just chill out. Are you going to be all right?" She, sort of timidly, reaches out, and touches his head. Her fingers run through his hair. It feels good. Her nails are sort of scratchy. He makes a small noise.

"Yeah," he says. "My heart – it's really fast."

"Shit," Jade says for the umpteenth time. "Are you sure you're going to all right? Should I, like, call your paren- your mom?"

"No," he tells her. "I'll be all right." If he just keeps breathing. If she keeps her hand there.

"You're a total buzzkill," she informs him drolly. She runs her fingers through his hair. "But _please_ don't die on me. Seriously."

He's floating. He feels hyper-aware – Jade's fingers are connected to her, her arm, her shoulder, her chest, her heart, and they're also connected to him – his brain, his head, filtering down into his heart. He can't stop focusing on this, her touch, and listening to his heartbeat. He keeps breathing. It's something that should come naturally. It's one of those things you do automatically, until you notice it, and can't stop noticing, and every breath becomes a chore.

Eventually Jade lays down beside him, stretching out on the floor, too. Her hand leaves his hair, but does not leave his heart. He watches her eyes, the whites of them bright in the moonlight that's filtering in through the raised blinds of her window. She keeps them locked on him, and they keep breathing.

When he wakes up, the late morning sun nearly blinds him. He's breathing on his own, without the aide of her. He sits up carefully, quietly. He doesn't want to wake up. He rises and adjusts his t-shirt. A quick glance out the window shows Jefferson and Jess out in the yard, tossing a frisby and shouting, their yells muffled by the glass. His stomach is empty, his head clear. He hasn't vomited in the night. His head is still spinning, but with thoughts, and a headache, not because of alcohol.

He looks down at Jade. She's fallen asleep on the floor next to him. Her hair is everywhere, covering her face. She's curled up a little bit, and the whites of her legs are startling in the dim room. He pulls her comforter off of her bed and covers her. Her dress has ridden up in the night, and he knows she would want to show so much of her self. Most of her thighs are exposed, and he thinks he sees a flash of bright blue – underwear? - before he drapes the blanket over her. She doesn't stir.

The fact that he loves her hits him like a ton of bricks. How has he not seen before – how has he not known? No, he has seen, a hundred times before, a thousand times. It completely consumes him. She is always on his mind. He doesn't know how he has not realized before. She infuriates him, she makes him try. It's as thought he's a cracked mirror and she fills in all of the shards. She lets him in, she fills them up. She fills him up.

He doesn't know what to do about this. He watches her sleep for a long minute. When the moment grows too long, he feels as though he's intruding, and he exits her room silently, leaving the door open behind her.

He goes to collect his sister. His mind is spinning, racing.

**AN: This chapter is just shy of 6,000 words. I think it's the longest to date? I know I say this in like every author's note, but wah, wah, this was really hard to write. I have all of these … snapshots in my head, of how I want things to go, and I try my darnedest to push the words out and match these images. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.**

**Thanks to spinlight, who liked the Dawson reference! That's a total Tori show. Surely she watches it with Beck and they argue over who's better, Dawson/Joey or Pacey/Joey. **


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

What can he do?

Downstairs, Jefferson and Jessica are still shouting outside. It's just past ten. Robbie watches them through the french doors that lead out into the backyard of the Wests' house, and he waves when they finally notice him. Jefferson takes off running towards him and splats into the glass. He pretends to be flattened like a bug, slithering slowly to the ground. Robbie's sister rolls her eyes and steps over him.

He moves away from the doors to let Jess inside. He moves around the kitchen slowly, setting up the coffee machine – it looks like the wiring has finally been fixed. Jefferson runs in and out of the yard, hollering. He gives Jess a bag of Poptarts. He looks at her lovingly when she takes them.

Jess laughs. Robbie feels perturbed.

He sits at the Wests' table with his sister, listening to the coffee pot burble. Neither of them speak much – Jess is attacking her strawberry Poptarts, and Robbie is reeling.

What can he do?

Jade comes downstairs about ten minutes later. Her hair's in her face – Robbie doesn't think it looks particularly messy, just, well, _everywhere_ – and under her eyes is dark with smudged eyeliner. She doesn't look like she cares very much. She's got her purple blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and Jefferson is behind her, holding up the end of the blanket as if it's the train to a wedding gown.

When she reaches the table, she slowly turns her head to glare at her brother. He drops the blanket immediately and dashes off... perhaps back to his home planet.

Jade collapses down next to Robbie, and he immediately pushes the second coffee mug he's set up towards her. She takes it absently. He likes to think the thanks is implied.

"Good job, Pigtails," she says to Jess. Jess beams.

Jade makes a sound that seems to be a triad of a yawn, a grunt, and a sigh. She rubs at her eyes, and her fingers come away a little blackened. "Are you better?" she asks Robbie. She inspects the dried mascara on her hands.

"Yes," he says. Jess looks at them curiously, but doesn't ask any questions of her own. She's saving them for the car ride home, he's sure. He hopes there's no vomit on his passenger door.

They don't stay for very much longer.

Jade and Robbie drink their coffee, mostly silent. Robbie's head aches. Jade complains about the Radiohead setlist at the party (she, thankfully, doesn't mention the copious amounts of alcohol they had consumed in front of his sister). She laughs at him and explains to him that Kid A is an album, not a person. You learn something new every day. She gives him two CDs to take home, OK Computer and The Bends.

OK Computer makes him think of Jade, because of her website design. He doesn't have any parallels to draw to The Bends, other than the fact that he's sort of had them last night. Jade gives Jess three twenty dollars bills, as well as a black shirt that has a robot in a green dog costume on it.

Sixty dollars is a lot to spend for a night of having him throw up on her.

A little after that, Jade's father and stepmother come home. Her dad looks tired, and he disappears into his study, only touching Jade's shoulder briefly and not saying a word to Robbie or his sister.

Jade glowers at Robbie, who hasn't even piqued his eyebrows at her. "He's_ shy,_" she grits out. It's not the first time she's said it. "He doesn't like these social gatherings."

Jade's dad is weird. When they had driven up north to his brother's party, he had only said three things while on the road: he'd asked his wife not to touch him as he was merging; he'd told Jefferson to please put his seatbelt on; and he'd affirmed that, yes, he did remember the concert he'd taken Jade to when she was twelve. He'd sounded unhappy at the last one. He'd made them all listen to Leonard Cohen. Jade and Robbie had listened to her PearPod. Robbie had laughed and played the Goo Goo Dolls. Jade had slugged his shoulder, but she's the one that had had five of their albums loaded onto the device.

Jade, now, looks after her father's retreating form very moodily. Robbie still doesn't quite understand the relationship that the two have - Sophia seems to mostly be the showrunner of the household. Well, aside from Jade.

He hopes she knows enough to not be embarrassed by her father in front of him. She doesn't need to be. It's not her fault her dad is weird, and he should tell her so. He's lucky if his own father can remember to put pants on. But since Sophia's in the room, he thinks it's best to remain quiet on the subject.

"Why is Robbie's car parked like that?" she frowns.

"Uhh," say Jade and Robbie. He blearily does recall his car being half off the driveway and partly stationed in the grass. Jade gives him a guilty _oops drunk driver_ look.

They'd been so irresponsible last night!

"My glasses!" Robbie tells her in a rush. "I need a new prescription. Or maybe I have cataracts. I'm fine now, though. Just a little blurry earlier."

Sophia looks at him concernedly. She starts talking in earnest about her optometrist. The word sounds funny with her thick accent. Jade rolls her eyes. She drains her coffee cup.

Jess pesters him on the ride home. "Did you have fun?" she asks.

"Yes," is all Robbie says. He doesn't need her pecking at him for drinking and being sick. He'd been stupid.

Jess frowns. "So what happened last night?"

"Nothing," he tells her. "It was, you know, a party. Actually, you don't know." He takes his eyes off the road for a brief moment to glower at her. "You better not know."

Jess looks disappointed. "So … you didn't drunkenly make out?"

Robbie nearly drives off the road. "No!" he cries. "Why would we do that? Why would you – she – ahh!" He rights his car. A man walking his Yorkie shakes his fist at them. Robbie blushes.

"I was just_ hoping,_" Jess says peevishly. She twirls her frizzy light hair around a finger.

"You need to get your mind out of the gutter!" Robbie instructs her.

Jess snorts. She eats her remaining Poptart. They listen to Radiohead.

* * *

Robbie's birthday is approaching quickly, and he'll be seventeen. His birthday is four days away, August 23rd – he's a Virgo by a landslide ("Of course you are," Jade had said, very grumpy for some reason). Just a week after that, September first, school will start again.

He thinks about that. He thinks about his birthday. He thinks about Cat laughing and calling him the Dancing Queen (young and sweet, only seventeen!). He thinks about how he'll have to trade in his study hall for the Mathletes team. He thinks about anything, anything other than the revelation he's come to in Jade's bedroom that morning.

Guiltily, he thinks of all his summer homework, left neglected. Mom had gathered it for him while he'd been in the hospital, and he still has nearly his entire math packet to do, as well as an essay on Macbeth. He, Jade, and Cat are going to be in AP English this year. Cat and Jade had been in it last year, as well, but it's Robbie's first time in an advanced English class. He wonders why he had signed up for it. The first quarter of senior year grades will go up on college applications, but it's not like he's planning on being an English major, anyway.

Tori calls him on the day before his birthday, all woeful, asking about a study session. She's taking Bio Lab this year, and she needs help with her anatomy diagrams.

He calls up everyone. It's easy to get Beck and Andre to agree to come over. Cat has to clear her schedule; she's working at Starbucks a few nights a week. She tells Robbie a long-winded tale about spilling a caramel latte on a guy who'd looked like Art Garfunkel.

Jade is doing that thing where she ignores his phone calls, so, forcing himself to be bold, he drives to her house. He wants to see her face, he has to admit, even though he probably won't be able to look directly at it.

"You can't just ignore me when you see fit," he tells her when she opens up her front door. Her eyebrows raise a bit when he pushes past her into the hallway.

"I am not ignoring you," she says gruffly. "I'm _busy._"

"With what?"

She shifts her weight from one foot to the other. "...Stuff."

Hmph.

"Will you come over?" he asks her. "I know you haven't done your Calculus homework. Jade! And I need you to edit my essay."

She rolls her eyes. "I hate math."

Oh, he knows.

"I'm going to help you," he tells her. "That's why it's a study session! And Tori will help too, she's good at math."

Jade's eyes roll again. She's going to fill up her quota early today at this rate, he thinks. "I'm not hanging out with Vega again. The summer's almost over! I need some down time to regroup. I still feel sick from watching her eat all those corndogs."

Robbie sighs. Her dislike of Tori is very tiring. He'd thought they were on the road to becoming friends after they'd starred together in Sikowitz's play, but he guesses that had been short-lived. He doesn't even know if it's that Jade actually doesn't like Tori, or if she's just so used to playing the part.

"Can't you just … pretend to get along with her?"

Jade folds her arms across her chest in an eerily apt imitation of her step-mom. "No."

"Please?"

"For what reason?" she sighs. "It's no skin off your back that me and Vega don't like each other."

"For the wellbeing of the community?" he tries.

She looks at him impassively.

"For me? For my wellbeing? It gives me acid reflux disease when you argue with her."

Jade purses her lips, considering. "All right," she says finally. "I'll be good."

"Really?" he cries in doubt. That was way too easy.

Jade sighs. "How much ice cream have you bought me this summer?" she asks him. A lot. "I_ can _be grateful, you know. And if your intestines explode, Cat will have to drive me to school."

Again, the thanks is implied. He can't stop himself from grinning at her.

* * *

The rest of the gang gathers at Robbie's house by mid-afternoon. It's a little weird, having everyone over at the same time. They take up the whole kitchen. Jess is down there too, trying to finish the book she has for summer reading. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. She and Beck discuss it intensely. Robbie, Jade, Tori, and Andre rolls their eyes. Cat eats an apple.

Jade looks bored as Robbie breaks down the math equations for her. "Just do it for me," she says. He frowns at her. Cat's got her essay out, and is drawing illustrations for it on the back. She'd cried when she was writing it, she told them. She'd also taken some creative liberties for her character synopsis of Ophelia. Jade edits their essays, crossing out whole paragraphs in Cat's with her thick red Sharpie, and adds punctuation to Robbie's many run-on sentences.

Beck and Andre aren't taking AP English, and they're supposed to have read Jurassic Park. They watch the movie instead. Jess is in the living room, watching it with them. They keep shouting and laughing and yelling, "Sam Neil don't care!" for some reason. They're trying to make him the new Chuck Norris.

Tori rolls her eyes towards the room and looks flustered. "It isn't anything like the movie!" she tells Cat and Jade and Robbie. "They're going to fail. It's all science and codes. And no Jeff Goldblum."

"Rawr!" says Cat, and giggles. "Triceratops!" She draws some hearts on Jade's Calculus papers. Jade looks chagrined, but doesn't stop her.

"I know my Calculus," sings Cat now. "It says you plus me equals us."

"_What?_" says Robbie, as Jade groans loudly. Tori grins.

Jade drinks too much coffee and she and the girls eat the rest of the gluten-free donuts that Robbie's set out. Jade hasn't changed from the clothes she was wearing when he's picked her up. She's got her Rolling Stones t-shirt on again. Her arms coming out of the cut-up shirt sleeves are slender and very white. There's a tiny dark scar on her elbow. He can see her bra straps. It's very unsettling. He messes up an easy equation when she leans too close over him. Tori watches them with great interest.

Beck leaves around seven – his father had called his to come home for dinner – and Andre heads out soon after, fretting about his grandmother, and then it's just Robbie and the girls sitting around the kitchen table. Tori and Cat are giggling about boys, and how all the cute sophomore guys will now be cute upperclassmen guys.

"Fresh meat," Cat says dreamily.

Jade rolls her eyes. She's finishing up one of her last Calculus problems, frowning and glaring at the notes Robbie's written on her page.

"Do you like any guys right now, Tori?" Cat asks.

Tori sort of shrugs. "I'm … considering." She smiles a bit. Jade rolls her eyes again, and snorts. Robbie sneaks little too-bright glances of her. Tori turns her gaze on her. "What about you, Jade?"

"Yeah right," Jade says. She scribbles a little too roughly on the page. "I'm not dating again. Maybe ever."

"Why not?" Cat asks.

"Because it's a waste of time."

Tori frowns. "Well, you don't know that. Have you even been asked out since – um ..." She trails off nervously.

Jade, again, rolls her eyes. "Of course I've been asked out. Have you seen me? Christ."

"Who's asked you out?" Robbie squawks.

Jade glowers at him.

"Ah," says Robbie. "I mean, you didn't tell me."

"Oh, come on Shapiro," Jade grunts. She stabs at her paper with her pen. "Why would I tell you? 'Hey Robbie, Steven Strickland just asked me out, my life is _so much_ worse than yours.' "

"Steve Strickland?" cry Tori, Cat, and Robbie. Cat gets stars in her eyes. Tori squeaks, "_Steve Strickland_ asked you out?"

Steve Strickland is a senior with their class. He'd transferred in midway through junior year. He's tall and blonde and likes to smoke Black and Milds. He plays guitar better than even Andre. He looks like Kurt Cobain, if Kurt Cobain had ever been healthy, or tall. Jade, he thinks, loves Kurt Cobain.

Robbie doesn't look like that. He doesn't act like that. If he ever smoked a cigar, he'd probably die.

Jade shrugs. "He called me in, like, June. Who gives a shit?"

"Did you go out with him?" Robbie demands.

"No." Jade looks pissed at the onslaught of questions.

"Why not?" cries Cat.

Jade's eyes roll for the umpteenth time. "Because it's pointless. Why am I going to go out with some loser? What, for like two months? It's whatever. I'm over it."

Tori frowns speculatively. For some reason, she turns to stare briefly at Robbie. "Well," she says slowly. "But what if, like, someone really liked you?"

"Ugh!" Jade says. "Vega, do you not hear me? I don't want to date anyone. I don't_ like_ anyone." Tori looks as crestfallen, for some reason, as Robbie feels.

"But what if it was, like, a really nice guy," Tori stresses, "_a really nice guy_, and he _really_ liked you?"

Jade scoffs. For some reason, she's looking directly at Robbie when she says this, "Then I'd feel sorry for him."

Robbie looks at the table top. Tori tries, "But Jade - "

"Vega. Jesus. The nice guy thing? Already tried that. You see how well that worked out."

Tori frowns down at the table, too. Cat looks vaguely confused.

Jade slams her binder shut suddenly, and Cat jumps a little. "I'm tired of this," Jade informs them all. She sets her glare on Robbie. "Are we done for the night? Can we all just watch a movie or something?"

"Um, sure," he says slowly. "I just … " He looks quickly to Cat and Tori. "Are you guys ready to call it quits? You wanna watch a movie?"

Cat looks relieved. "Kay kay!" she chirrups. Tori keeps frowning at them all, but agrees too. They gather up their stuff, cramming books and looseleaf sheets into their bookbags and messenger bags, and troop into Robbie's living room. Robbie hesitates, looking at them, and then he takes the plastic covering off the couch.

Jade laughs with glee. "Shapiro, you freaking _punk!_" Cat looks confused.

They all settle onto the couch – Robbie at one end and Tori on the other, Cat and Jade wedged between them. Jade's next to him. Of course she would be, but her closeness makes Robbie's mouth dry and his throat clicks. Jade punches his shoulder a few times, trying to get comfortable. "You're not so flabby anymore," she grumbles.

"Sorry?" he says timidly.

Jade forces them to watch The Sixth Sense, which is playing on one of the movie channels. Tori and Cat protest. Robbie remains silent. He can feel her shifting against him as she hollers at Cat. To look at her white arms and sharp collarbone would be too dangerous. "Majority rules," Jade announces, turning the volume up. The movie is just beginning, and Donnie Wahlberg shoots Bruce Willis.

Tori frowns severely at Jade, atop Cat's head. "What majority? Robbie didn't get a say!"

"I am the majority, Vega," Jade snits. She looks happily at the screen. Maybe it's Bruce Willis she likes so much, and not Haley Joel. Bruce Willis is sort of bad-ass, and really jacked – again, not like Robbie. He sighs quietly.

The movie continues uneventfully. Jade has made him watch it twice before, so he isn't too scared, even when the ghost attacks little Haley in the crawlspace. Cat cries. She leaves before the movie is over. Robbie should get up from the couch, walk her to the door, do more than wave at her and mutter a half-hearted goodbye, but how can he ever move, when Jade is pressed so comfortably against him?

Even with Cat's absence, Jade doesn't really move away from him to take up more space on the sofa. Tori glances at them, then stretches her legs out into Cat's spot. Both girls fall asleep before the movie's end.

Robbie doesn't sleep.

He stays alert and watches the credits roll. He watches as the next movie comes on, some comedy he's never heard of. Beside him, the girls' breathing is even and heavy. Jade sighs. She furrows a little into his shoulder. The whole half of his body heats up.

He keeps his eyes on the movie. Ethan Embry is in love with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Seth Green wears goggles. Robbie's attention isn't really on the film, though. He keeps thinking about Jade's assertions that she doesn't want to date anyone, that she doesn't like anyone. And what was Tori going on about? What really nice guy does she know that likes Jade? Robbie doesn't want to deal with any more competition, even though it's fruitless. He already has to probably fight Steve Strickland …

He resolves, for the thousandth time, to ignore it. He's gone this long just being Jade's friend. And he thinks, now, how obvious it should have been to him that he has liked her for so much longer than he'd realized – God, he's such an idiot!

He's kissed her, and told her he didn't know why. How could he not – how could he not _know? _How could she not know?

And nothing has come from that, nothing aside from her anger. He doesn't want her to be mad at him again. How could she not know?

Simply seeing Jade every day, being her friend, just having her punch him on his couch and edit his Shakespeare essays – that will need to be enough for him. He will just deal with the burning of her. Eventually he will grow scarred from it, and it will be easier to tolerate her, to look at her, to be around her.

Next to him, Jade stretches. She's waking up.

She mumbles something intelligible, sweeping her chestnut hair away from her face. She grabs at Robbie's wrist and jabs at his watch until it nights up. 12:48. She yawns. She looks up at him. Even in the dim room, with only the light of the television, he can see how stunning her irises are. Right now, her eyes are storm-gray.

"Happy birthday," she says.

"Thanks," he says softly.

Jade yawns again. "I bought you a stuffed Simba," she says. "It's at my house. But you're not a Leo like I thought."

"That's okay," he says. She burrows back into his shoulder, and she sleeps. Robbie stays stock-still for the next four hours, letting her, until Tori falls off the couch and wakes herself and Jade up, hollering. His whole body is warm from the touch of her.

This is bad. This is so bad.

He pushes it down.

**AN: It feels like I'm finally getting somewhere, at least in the romantic aspect of this story. Thank you all for sticking with me! I'm hoping to bring this monster to an end in about ten chapters or so at most. But probably more, since it's me. Then I have several spin-off ideas, like a story from Jade's perspective, a Beck POV comedy set during senior year, and a few oneshots. I really want to write one from Andre's POV. Maybe I can write one from Trina's eyes, explaining her absence during most of this fic. But probably not, since I don't really like her.**

**Sorry for all the crappy pop culture references. My roommates and I have been watching a lot of Netflix lately, and our newest roomie has just about every 90s/early 2000s drama ever on DVD. You guys are really, really lucky I didn't reference Everwood. It was lingering there, just under the surface.**

**Zen: There's no way I could have made this story Robbie/Tori and have made it as long or as intense as it has become. I have grown to like Tori a lot as a character, but I think that so much of this story is based on the insecurities and loneliness of both Jade and Robbie, and the moments in which they share these things. It would have been too easy, too dream-like, to pair him with Tori, and there would have been minimal conflict. That isn't to say I don't like Rori fluff. It's just – this world wouldn't exist in it.**

**beforeskylines, you're lucky you never got into Dawson's Creek. It's a black hole of television … that I love. I don't think anyone ships Dawson/anyone. It's the actor. I haven't seen the show in years, and he stills irritates me. **

**Agent Taggert: The story isn't over yet! I have everything plotted out. You'll see, you'll see.**


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

School starts, and it's the same as it ever was, nearly.

Robbie isn't taking Improv this semester, for the first time ever. He's had minimal input on his schedule this year, as he had missed the class sign-ups at the end of the year. Mom had filled them out late for him. Helen, she says, had understood. He thinks his mother has intentionally held him from Sikowitz's class – she's always thought he was something of a nincompoop, hasn't she?

Robbie doesn't particularly mind. He's taking two guitar courses with Andre instead. Andre already knows practically everything there is to know about music, ever, but he takes the classes because it's easier for him to focus on a certain song this way.

Sikowitz gives him dark and very wounded looks on the occasions that he manages to spot Robbie in the hallway. Whenever Robbie feels the heavy guilt creep up, he remembers back to his Rat-Man costume. It helps.

The first day of school is uneventful. He drives to Jade's house first to pick her up, promptly at seven. He starts to take his seatbelt off, intending to head to her front door, but a quick glance up and the sound of the screen slamming shows she's already out on the porch.

She makes her way to his car slowly. He definitely needs new glasses, or a Q-Tip to the brain, or maybe he should just be neutered, like a captive dog. It's like he's watching her come towards him in slow-motion. Her hair is pulled up off her neck in that bun thing she's been doing since the start of summer. She's wearing dark jeans and the baby blue tank top that she'd worn out on their hiking expedition. Is she going to start wearing colors now, and completely blow his mind out?

"This fucking blows," Jade mumbles, sliding into the passenger seat of his car. She fights with the seatbelt a little. Robbie stares at her with his mouth open before he catches himself. He eases the car out of park and slowly backs down the driveway, pulling into the street.

"It won't be so bad," he tries to console her. Jade just looks at him darkly. She's definitely not a morning person. She lights up a cigarette. Robbie lets her.

"When do you have English?" she demands, smoke coming out of her nose. They'd gotten their official schedules the day after his birthday.

"Sixth period?" he tells her questioningly. "Right after lunch."

"Good, me too." She's digging through her messenger bag now. It's a new one. It's green and has the molecules for caffeine on it. He wonders who got it for her. Sophia? Maybe she's bought it herself. "I think Cat has it fourth. She's going to be _lost _without me. We've never not had English together, you know."

"Yeah, I know," says Robbie. He expresses a little surprise that Cat's been in AP English for the past three years.

Jade smiles a little bit, a tiny, secret smile. "Cat's smart," she tells him. "And she's got a lot of ideas. It's just that most of them are fucking nuts."

"Yeah," he says agreeably. "But that's why we all love her, right?"

"Hm," says Jade. She looks out the window, smoking.

He's stupid.

They get to Hollywood Arts after a few moments more and Robbie happily parks in the senior lot, closest to school. When they get out of his car, Jade looks at the building and groans before shouldering her messenger bag. "Ready, Samberg?" she asks. Robbie rolls his eyes. He still has no clue who or what that is. He assumes it's some sort of insult, possibly a jab at the Jewish half of his ancestry.

"Are _you_ ready?" he asks her.

She looks at the building. Robbie looks too. For a brief moment, he feels very, very small, looking at his large school, gearing up for another year of the days in and out. He remembers how small Hollywood Arts had seemed when he'd been here in the summer, silent, with all of its parking lots empty. It doesn't look very small now.

"No," says Jade.

For once, Robbie does not follow along after her. Partly because she's still standing stock-still, gazing up at the building absently as the first warning bell rings. Robbie steels himself up, takes a breath, then claps his hands onto her shoulders and steers her into the building. The morning sun is bright on them. Jade laughs, fighting him the short way across the lot and up the steps, trying to dig her feet into the concrete. They fall through the entryway of Hollywood Arts.

Andre and Tori are convalescing just inside the doorframe of the main hall. They both turn to look at the pair, and Andre raises his eyebrows. Jade stops laughing and settles her scowl back on her face.

"What's up, meat?" she asks Andre.

Andre makes a little face at her, and Jade looks pleased. "We're waitin' for you guys. You seen Beck?"

He's directed this last part of the question to Robbie. "No, I haven't," he says, and for some reason, Jade snorts at him. He pokes her in the shoulder, and she sort of snorts again and bats his hand away. Andre raises his eyebrow at Robbie. Robbie adjusts his backpack on his shoulders, hunching a little as Jade hits his side, then leans into her until she finally growls and moves away. "Why?" he asks Andre. "I mean, are you just looking for him?"

"Just a little worried," Tori says. She gives him a small smile and a wave of greeting. It extends towards Jade, too, who ignores it. "You heard about him and Alison?"

"Oh, yeah." Robbie fights to roll his eyes, which wouldn't be a nice thing to do, since Beck isn't here to squawk indignantly. "Is it so bad? They break up roughly every two weeks anyway. I'll bet that she gets back with him by the end of the school week."

"The _school week_?" Jade asks witheringly. Tori also looks confused.

Robbie frowns. "Friday!" he says.

"No shit," Jade says. "You said it weird."

"You - ! Well, Sunday is the start of a new week, if you follow the primary seven day cycle which, if you don't know, was started by the captive Jewish people in 6th century … BCE, not After Death, that is. So technically, you know, the end of the week would be Saturday! So by saying 'the school week' I was implying that on Friday during class, Ali would - "

"Robbie!" say Andre and Tori. They're both laughing a little, and a year ago, even a few months ago, he would have said they were laughing at him, but he knows now that they're not.

"We get it, bro," Andre says.

"You mean _Friday,_" Tori adds teasingly.

Robbie blushes a little. Jade has told him that he lectures too much, although she has actually admitted on two occasions that some of the things he knows are pretty interesting. He's had a lot of time over the years to read practically all of the history books at the Sterling Home. Sometimes, he would read random articles in the Encyclopedia. You never know when a random fact about a subject beginning with the letter "S" would save your life.

"Sorry," he says. They all smile, even Jade.

The second warning bell dings at them, alerting three minutes to first period. Robbie and Andre have Music Theory III. The others have Improv with Sikowitz.

"All right," sighs Tori. "I guess this is where we part."

"Yeah," says Jade, looking very glum, probably at the prospect of walking to Sikowitz's with Tori. "Cat's late," she adds, irritated, almost as an afterthought.

"See you at lunch, Tor, Jade," Andre says. He gives them a half-hearted wave, then claps Robbie on the shoulder. "Let's go, Rob. I really don't wanna see Sikowitz this early. Freedom!"

Tori and Jade look at them sourly as the boys laugh. They split off into two pairs and go their separate ways. Tori is talking to Jade a mile a minute, and before they turn the hall, Robbie hears Jade dourly reply: "Whatever."

Guitar Theory is pretty cool. Robbie had taken the first and second courses in freshman and sophomore year respectively. This year they're going to have to team up and compose their own songs. The top three best composers will get to be featured in the mid-year talent showcase before Christmas. Andre and Robbie decide to work together. Andre gives him a high-five.

Second period he has History with Tori. She looks pretty happy, because Mrs Cardy (formerly Ms Grossman), who teaches most of the history classes, has finally retired at the end of last year. Robbie had always privately thought her old surname was pretty apt. He feels sorry for the man who's married her. Tori sharpens her pencils with gusto.

Advanced Placement Theoretical Physics is third period. Jade had rolled her eyes when he'd told her the rest of his schedule in the car. "You should hang out with my dad and talk about the dynamic theory of gravity," she'd said, sounding bored. When Robbie'd looked interested, she'd groaned loudly. The class passes quickly as Robbie frantically copies down the teacher's sloppy chalkboard notes on M-theory.

He spies Cat in the hallway on the way to the math lab. She's running out of the main office, probably to acquire a tardy slip. "Robbie!" she squeals, smacking right into him. She turns the collision into a quick hug. She's re-dyed her hair over the week, and the brilliance of the red actually hurts his eyes a bit. "God, I was so late! I overslept and then I dropped bacon on the dogs and my car wouldn't start so I had to drive my brother's van to school but first I had to _find _my brother and let me tell you - "

"You drove that huge van to school?" Robbie interrupts her, amused and more than a little impressed.

Cat giggles. "Yup! I sure wish the speedometer worked. It seemed like everyone else was going so_ slow_ on the interstate!"

Good lord. There's no one with him that he can make the _That Darn Cat _face to, so he just aims it at her. She laughs and tugs at his sweater sleeve.

The bell rings, and Cat flies off with a shriek, late for her English class.

He's a little late as he slides into the math lab, too. The rest of the students turn to stare at him, and he smiles awkwardly, shouldering his bookbag once more and muttering a hello. He quickly slinks to the side of the room where the first of the tutors are sitting.

There are four other tutors – two boys, one a junior, Evan, and another senior, like Robbie, a short boy named Caleb. The other two are junior girls. He learns that their names are Madison and Rainah. Rainah shoots him a quick smile as they're broken into a pair together to study with a group of impossibly tiny freshman. Robbie grins back at her, carefully writing out an algebraic equation onto the whiteboard he's claimed as his own. The small freshman look dour and worried, and he and Rainah are quick to assure them that math study groups aren't the end of the world. He and Rainah have matching ballpoint pens.

When the bell rings, Robbie stays back a little, carefully arranging his notebooks into his binder. The day hasn't been so bad thus far. Then all he has is lunch, English with Jade, another guitar class, which Andre will join him in, and his production class. Not a bad schedule at all. Not stressful. A few of the tutors hang back as well. Rainah and Madison chatter to the teacher. Rainah keeps looking over her shoulder at him. Robbie doesn't know why. It makes him feel a little strange, so he quickly shows the last of his papers into his pack and slips out of the classroom.

He hurries down the hallway to the courtyard. He buys some ginger chicken (it's a new meal at the lunch truck; he's going to have to ask Jade if the spices are safe for him to eat) and scans the court, squinting in the sun. It's not as hot as he'd worried it would be, so he doesn't feel too out-of-place like he'd feared, standing around in his new striped blue-and-gray hoodie. He spots Beck and Jade at a side-table, under an umbrella, and movies quickly to join them.

"Hey," he says, sliding onto the bench next to Beck. Since the group has slowly formed again last year, he's always sat next to Jade, but Beck, who looks depressed, probably needs his support today. Beck doesn't pick his head up off the table. He mutters into the plastic tabletop.

Jade, shockingly, doesn't roll her eyes. "Hey," she says back to Robbie. She looks up from where she's been frowning at Beck. "You can't eat that," she says bluntly.

Robbie frowns at his dish.

"There's flour in the sauce," she says. "Sorry, you can't get out of senior year that easily. I knew you'd pick that!" She pulls his plate away from him, trading for her grilled chicken salad.

Thank God for her. He wouldn't have known.

Beck groans into the table.

"Oh, _come on_, Oliver," Jade says. Last name – interesting. She glowers at Robbie. "He's been like this for six minutes. I can't deal."

Robbie pats Beck consolingly. "What's going on?" he asks him.

Beck moans again. He turns his head so that Robbie can see the frown of his mouth, mostly hidden by his long hair. "I want Ali," he says in great misery.

Robbie feels bad for not picking up the phone the previous night. He'd been reading Jess's English paper for her. Maybe he could have put her on the phone with Beck, and they could have talked about it. That probably would have cheered him up. "What happened?" he asks.

Sounding very put-upon, Beck sighs. "Ali says that we aren't serious enough. She wants to _consider her options._ Apparently I'm not one of them." He sighs again, loudly.

Jade rolls her eyes. "Then get serious," she says. She spears Robbie's – her – chicken with the plastic fork she's gripping.

The fact that she's giving Beck dating advice is fairly blowing Robbie's mind. It has been almost a year to the day that they've split up, and there was a long period where they hadn't spoken at all. Then, over the summer, he recalls Jade sardonically calling them "friends." He wonders if they'll ever cease to be _BeckandJade _in his mind. He hopes so. He wants …

Well, it doesn't matter what he wants, does it?

He and Jade console Beck, rather unsuccessfully, between the two of them, for a few minutes, until Cat and Tori reach the table. Then they all try to cheer him up. They scan the courtyard and what they can see of into the cafeteria for Ali, but Beck mournfully stops them, telling the group that Ali doesn't have lunch this year.

"She's in _orchestra_ right now," he almost wails, letting his head fall onto the table. Robbie exchanges a five-way glance between Cat, Jade, Tori, and Andre, who's just appeared with his tray. It's not as difficult to do as one might think.

Andre settles down at the tables beside Cat, squishing her far too close to Robbie (her elbow goes into his salad dressing), and Jade looks at him darkly for some reason.

* * *

The weeks pass. September passes.

His classes aren't too difficult this year. It's the first time he doesn't have a math class. Physics takes up a bit of his time, but since it's all basically theory, Robbie finds it rather easy to wing it. English isn't too bad, either, not with Jade sitting beside him and lending him her neatly written notes on The Canterbury Tales, which they're covering at an incredibly rapid rate.

Beck and Ali make up. He gets serious, and also apparently breaks her violin on accident, but she's somehow charmed by this, and they begin dating anew. Sometimes Ali skips out on orchestra and sits with the group at lunch. Robbie brings his guitar to school and leaves it in the Music Theory classroom alongside Andre's. They've already come up with a few melodies.

Jade's car gets fixed, sort of, but her father doesn't want her to drive it very far until she's got a new transmission put in. "I might as well just get a whole new car," she grumbles to Robbie and Tori one morning as they're all in Robbie's car. He still takes her to and from school – he doesn't mind. "It's going to be almost as fucking expensive." Robbie feels bad. He doesn't think she's designed very many websites lately, though Cat has been whining at her to make her a new layout for her Splashface. With the grades that Jade keeps, she doesn't really have time for a job that will keep her away from home. Plus, she doesn't want her stepmother to hire a new nanny for Jefferson.

On Friday afternoons, Robbie takes the long drive down the highway and meets with Dr Parisch. His mother is slowly adding more and more hours to her work schedule once again, he lets her know, but it doesn't bother him as much as in previous years. He's almost grown up now. His main concern is for Jessica. He doesn't want her to be growing up and feeling as lonely as he had felt.

"Do you think she feels that way?" the psychiatrist asks him.

Robbie shrugs. "No," he says. "But no one thinks I felt that way either."

It's a lot easier to speak with Dr Parsich than it has been, and he doesn't feel silly or embarrassed when he tells Dr Parisch that he misses his mother, or loves his sister, or that Beck and Jade are his best friends, but (despite what Andre likes to joke about) Jade is the one he has a crush on.

Parisch always listens to him intently, but at the mention of a girl, she, of course, looks wildly interested.

Great.

"Have you told her about your feelings?" she asks. She asks him a variation of this over practically everything, but her tone is completely different this time.

"No," says Robbie, and now he does blush.

"Why not?" Dr Parish eats some cookies.

"She probably knows," he mutters.

Parisch raises her eyebrows at him. They disappear under her frizzy brown bangs. "You think so?" she says.

"Jade's not exactly shy," he lets her know. "And if she liked me too, she would have done something about it by now. As it is, I'm lucky she hasn't killed me yet, if she knows."

"Hmm," says Dr Parisch, frowning. Then, luckily, it's been an hour, so Robbie gathers his things together and he heads for home, saved.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

Early Saturdays are reserved for seeing his father, still.

It's the last Saturday of the month. As he's driving to the Sterling Home, his PearPhone lights up on the passenger seat, and the lyrics blare: _Girl you're my angel, you're my darling angel -_

He _really_ needs to change that. Robbie puts his blinker on, even though there's no one driving behind him – he's nearly to the end of town – and pulls over onto the side of the road. He manages to answer his phone before the next song line finishes.

"Hi Jade," he says companionably, putting the phone to his ear. He hasn't spoken to her since English yesterday – Cat had driven her home. They were going to give each other makeovers. Jade had actually looked sort of afraid.

"Hey," she says. She doesn't sound bummed or anything, and he wonders why she's called. "What's shaking?"

He doesn't want to tell her he's about to go in to see his dad, because that will probably be just about the end of the conversation. "Nothing much," he says. "How was Ladies Night with Cat?"

Jade laughs her rare light and unguarded laugh. If it was a girl who wasn't Jade, you could perhaps call it a giggle. "You _need_ to see the hoodie I bought her. It looks like it's from that cartoon show you guys like. Beck's going to shit himself."

Robbie smiles, shifting the phone. "I thought you were doing makeovers."

"Oh, trust me, Samberg, this is definitely a makeover. It's made entirely out of hemp. It has ears."

" ... Oh wow."

"Yeah." Jade laughs some more. Then she says sourly, "Cat got me a pink t shirt."

"How sweet!" Robbie teases. "Does it have bows on it? Kittens?"

"_Die,_" says Jade.

"Rainbows? Flowers? Rainbows made out of flowers?"

"Actually," says Jade in consideration.

"Wow."

Jade laughs. "Oh, you'll never see it, sorry. What are you doing today? You want to hang out for a while?"

"Oh," he says, a little surprised. Jade never really asks him to hang out. She tells him to, or just shows up at his house. Sometimes this leads to awkward situations (for Robbie, not for Jade, who thinks everything is hilarious), such as when he'd came into his room, fresh from the shower and wearing only a Spongebob towel, singing Michael Jackson, and Jade had been sitting primly on his bed, waiting for him. It was sort of like one of the naughty dreams he'd had about her, except this reality was less naughty and much more embarrassing. "Well. I'm actually going to see my dad for a little bit."

Jade says, "Oh," too. She falls silent for a second. It's like Robbie can actually feel her good mood being sucked away, right through the phone. He doesn't want to make her feel – well, whatever she's feeling that's anything close to unhappy.

"But I won't really be long!" he tells her, trying to sound bright. "It's not like he really even talks to me anymore. Or even at me!"

"...Oh?" Jade says, sounding sort of confused and upset.

"Ah," says Robbie. He must remember that something that is common for him is not really common for anyone else. "I just mean, um, he sleeps a lot." Or stares blankly. Or talks to himself. Or spends a lot of time not eating.

"Okay," Jade says slowly. She hesitates, like she's wanting to say something else, but apparently changes her mind. "I actually have to do some shit – errands, Sophia's been freaking out all morning. I'll be around there. You want to meet up in an hour or so? We can check out the river. I've never been down there."

"That sounds great," he tells her. He's absurdly happy that Jade's called him to hang out, and he tells her so. "It's like we're real friends!"

"Yeah," sighs Jade. She hangs up without saying goodbye.

As he had mused to Jade, Dad doesn't speak to Robbie. He's asleep this time, though, and not muttering to himself or asking Robbie questions that don't make sense. Dad breathes heavily and unevenly from his bed. Robbie reads his Canterbury Tales and frowns a lot. He starts to underline the passages he doesn't understand, but when he realizes he's been covering every sentence in fluorescent yellow, he gives up with a sigh. Cat and Jade will help him during lunch on Monday.

After a little over an hour passes, he gathers his things back up in his bookbag. He looks at Dad for a long moment, and allows himself to feel sad. His pills have been helping, but even so, if he lets himself, he doesn't think he'll ever stop feeling sad. So he doesn't let himself.

There isn't anything he can do.

He leaves the room quietly without waking his father. He doesn't let himself look into Mrs Savidge's old room as he passes, either. Another resident has been brought in. It's not her room anymore.

When he's left the building, he sits down on the steps and calls Jade back. "Where are you?" he asks.

Jade tells him she'll be along in about five minutes. There's a trail a ways down the road that leads to the river and its shores. They can meet there, they decide.

Robbie sits on the stone steps for a moment more, tapping through his phone. Tori's tagged a picture of him on Splashface, sleeping on his desk in history class. Cat and Beck have liked it. He heads to his car and tosses his backpack haphazardly into the backseat, then gets in and pull out of the Home's parking lot. A half-mile down the road he turns to the right and passes through the nature park's gate.

The parking area here is small and paved with dirt. Jade's car is the only one there. She's sitting on the roof of her Gremlin, Indian-style, smoking. She's half-turned away from Robbie, and doesn't really look up when she hears his car approach. She's wearing her huge sunglasses again. Her hair is down and loose all around her shoulders. Several of the strands are colored purple and green.

Robbie climbs out of his Honda and pads his way to her, his worn Converse scuffling loudly in the dirt and gravel.

"Those things will kill you, you know," he says up at Jade as she exhales an alarmingly large puff of smoke.

The corners of her mouth turn up. "Tell me something I don't know," she says. She turns a little so that she's facing him, working her legs out from under her. She taps at Robbie's chest with a flip-flopped foot. He catches her ankle in his hands. He feels safe in doing this, as she's wearing long pants, a pair of dark skinny jeans. No skin-to-skin contact is all right in his book.

"Well," he says. "Something you don't know? All right. The first cigarettes are generally thought of as coming from Central and South America. They were wrapped in corn husks. Cortes brought them back to Spain. He - "

Jade laughs and kicks at him again. He allows her ankle to slide through his fingers. "You're a trip," she says. "Do you remember all this shit from middle school history?"

He backs up a little, allowing Jade to jump down from the roof of her Gremlin. He's always been surprised in her choice of vehicle. It was the first and cheapest car she'd found for sale, she'd told him.

"Encyclopedias," he tells her. "There's a set in every resident's room at the Home. I've worked my way up through J."

"Damn," says Jade. She tosses her cigarette to the ground. Robbie stubs it out for her, knowing she won't. "So," she says, a little slowly. "How was your dad? Was he, um, talking today?"

"Oh," says Robbie. He sort of turns from her, and they start to head across the lot and onto the wooded trail that will take them to the river's shore and past the nursing home. "Not really. I mean, he was asleep."

"Yeah?" Jade says doubtfully. It's just past one o clock now.

"He, um, sleeps a lot," Robbie tells her. "Sometimes he – well, yeah."

"No, what?" Jade asks.

"Oh. Um. Well, you know I've only been seeing him once a week. He was actually doing pretty good this summer. But, I don't know. Maybe with fall coming in … well, I don't know. He's been real agitated since September started."

Jade frowns sort of thoughtfully. "He ever remember you?"

"Um – no. Sometimes he, he'll like, be willing to talk, though. Sometimes he can remember some stuff, like who he is ... was. Last week he just kept talking about the cats in the office upstairs. There is no office upstairs!"

Jade frowns again. "That really sucks," she says. "Why … why does he ask shit like that? I mean … "

"I don't really know," Robbie admits. "I guess Alzheimer's and dementia are sort of the same. I don't know – just an idea or something that got stuck in his head. It's … it's scary."

"Yeah," Jade says quietly. Then she says, "Sorry."

"It's okay," he says. They walk in relative silence for a while, until they reach the river, then they turn off to the left, following the shoreline. Jade stops now and then to pick up different shards of colored glass that have been worn smooth by the tide. He wonders if she's going to keep them for herself, or if it's a weird gift for her brother. Jade is always giving him strange little things. Jeff has a whole bucket of soda pop tabs that Cat and Andre have pulled off at lunch which Jade takes for him.

They're so strange. But since he'd been up until one last night, sitting in his sister's room and talking about boys with her, he supposes he doesn't have any room to speak.

They make idle chat as the walk along the river's edge. The town had done a major revamp about ten years back, and the river, which had been highly polluted previously, is sort of sparkling and clean. Every now and then, Robbie will look out to the water and see a fish leaping.

Jade tells him about the fight Sophia and her father had had the other night. "They both work too much and get mad because they can't see each other enough," she says. "God knows how Dad got a babe like Sophia, even though she never shuts the fuck up. She just followed him around, crabbing at him. He moved through all three of his studies! Now he's taking off on Monday and Tuesday for her."

Robbie laughs a little, unsure if he's allowed to. Jade is very guarded about her father. From her tone, he's never gotten the impression that she's disliked him, as she had Sophia, though that seems to have waned a lot over the past year. Now and then she'll tell him little facts and stories about her father. Robbie has seen him several times over the summer, and he's only said a handful of words to him. He's not – unfriendly. Just very quiet. Last week, he'd given Robbie a book on Neurology, as Jade had told him Robbie was interested in that. Robbie's halfway through it.

"My dad says you look like Andy Samberg," Jade tells him out of nowhere.

Robbie's confused. "Who?" he says.

"Oh – this guy that was on SNL for a while. My dad loves that shit. I don't think he's missed an episode since, like, the eighties."

Weird. Mr West doesn't look like a man who enjoys humor of any sort.

"Is Andy Samberg cute?'

Jade snorts. "I just said he looks like you. What do you think?"

"I think he must be blindingly handsome."

Jade laughs loudly. Robbie smiles over at her.

They're passing the nursing home now, set high up on the hill. A few residents are seated out on the back porch, some in rocking chairs, another pair playing what looks to be chess together on one of the small sun tables. Robbie waves, and a handful of them wave back, though they probably can't see enough to tell who he is.

"So, you, like, know all those people in there?" Jade asks.

"Yeah, most of them." He pulls his attention away from the home and glances quickly at her. "They're nice people. Some of them have Alzheimer's, like my dad, but a lot are just old. It's not like, um, a state home, where everyone's disabled and can't move."

"Hm," says Jade. "I'm not good with old people."

Robbie laughs a little bit. "They're the same as us."

"Yeah, but _old_," Jade says pointedly. "It depresses me, especially places like that." She pauses. "Even if it's nice. It sucks they can't be with their families."

Robbie thinks of Mrs Savidge. "It depresses me, too," he tells her.

They walk on past the Home and follow the river for about another fifteen minutes, then when another trail splits up through the grove of trees they head onto that. They walk back up along the mostly deserted road, waiting to hit the park's gates again.

After a few moments of silence, Jade tells him, "I'm thinking of writing to my mother again."

"Oh yeah?" Robbie says, interested. He thinks it will be a good thing.

Jade shrugs. "Yeah," she says. "My dad says I could call her if I want … but I don't think I will. Too much can happen with that. A letter will be safe."

She's right. "I hope she writes back," he tells her.

"Me too," Jade says, and they fall silent. They reach the small dirt parking lot again and wander over to Robbie's car, which is closer to them.

Jade pulls up his sleeve to inspect his wristwatch. He flushes a little. He sees his scars, white-white in the afternoon sun. Why can't she just check her phone?

"Shit," she says. "It's after three?" She grumbles something intelligible and probably vulgar. "I have to get home. I'm watching Jeff tonight, surprise. Sophia's going to a meeting and Dad is in the office, trying to get all the shit done he needs for Monday … and for Tuesday." She gives him a pained look. "Jeff wants to watch Twilight."

Robbie laughs. "You want some company later?" he asks.

"Aw, do you wanna see Rob Pattinson sparkle?" she coos at him, then laughs. "Sure, you can come over. I think Cat's going to be there too, for a bit. We can all talk about boys."

Robbie rolls his eyes at her. "Sounds fun."

He does go to Jade's that night, and they watch the first two Twilight movies with Cat and Jefferson. Robbie and Jeff sit on the floor and Jeff builds him a model of his apocalypse containment chamber. Cat sighs dreamily whenever any of the boys onscreen are shirtless. This is often, so she sighs a lot. Jade laughs uproariously at the lead vampire's flabby chest. What had his name been? Rob Robbinson? She forces Jefferson to go to bed just after ten. "Climb on, spider-monkey," she says, and piggybacks him up the steps. Cat giggles appreciatively.

He and Cat set off home shortly after. When Robbie gets back home, Jess is still up, making a grilled cheese sandwich in the kitchen. Robbie sits on the table and glowers at her as she chatters away on her cell phone to Karl Shuberg.

Jade texts him, _Sikowitz wants Cat to be a mermaid_.

_Maybe Cat is a mermaid,_ he texts back. They send stupid things back and forth for a while, eventually creating a scenario in which Cat evaporates into chocolate bubbles which Sikowitz bottles and tries to sell on eBay.

He goes to bed feeling pretty happy.

* * *

Robbie's tired at school on Monday. He'd been up late last night, over at Beck's until past midnight, working on lyrics for their song with Andre and halfheartedly watching the movie that Beck and Alison had put on. Some old black and white film that Ali had chosen for Beck. Eraserhead. It doesn't make any sense, and Robbie thinks it will give him nightmares.

"This is a Pixies song!" Beck had shouted at one point, and began singing.

Robbie and Andre had rolled their eyes. That band is Beck's latest obsession. They're over twenty years old – not that Robbie has any room to talk, seeing as all he listens to are the old bands that he father had liked, and now the grungey stuff that Jade's been getting him into.

In math lab, he and Rainah praise their students –_ their students!_ Robbie thinks with pride – on their latest quiz scores. The freshman squibble and squeak. They remind Robbie of his and Jade's guinea pigs. The kids are fully grown now. DJ and Stephanie have been relocated to Jefferson's room. Jade is stuck with Quentin and Michelle. She keeps trying to fob Michelle off on Robbie. He says he'll have to ask his mother, though he thinks he and Jess could probably house a horse without her noticing.

When the period is over, Robbie and Rainah walk down the hall together. Rainah's really nice to him, and seems to enjoy his badly-punned jokes. She wears glasses like him, but hers are small and stylish. She has long strawberry blonde hair that she usually wears in a loose braid.

They're still talking about the little freshman as they reach Robbie's locker.

"They really give me hope for the future," Robbie tells her. "It warms my heart."

Rainah laughs a little, and she touches his arm. "You're really funny, Rob," she tells him. He smiles a little, bemused. It's probably best not to tell her that he's been completely serious.

"So I'll see you in class tomorrow?" he asks.

"Yeah, duh!" Rainah smiles at him some more. Her teeth are very even and white. "You know, you should sit with me at lunch sometime."

"Oh, sure," he says. "Or you can come sit with me."

"Maybe," she says. She finally releases his arm. "Talk to you later, all right?"

"See you," he says to her retreating form. Girls are so weird! Why does she want to sit with him at lunch? Jade has told him he's not pretty when he eats. She's lucky she didn't know him when he had his retainer.

"She _likes you,_" says Jade, popping up out of nowhere and roughly scaring Robbie out of his skin.

"Gah!" says Robbie. "Jesus, Jade! I told you not to come up in my peripheral vision!"

Beck's with her, and he laughs at Robbie for a second before looking doubtfully at Rainah's retreating form. "She _does_ like you, Rob!"

"Who, Rainah?" Robbie says distractedly, still flustered. He snatches his math book out of Jade's hands. "Hey!" he says. She's so sneaky.

"I need your old notes!" Jade complains.

"Well they're in my _old notebook_," he tells her. He turns to Beck. "And you're wrong. We're just tutors together. She's being nice, is all."

"Hm," says Beck lightly. He frowns down the hallway again. "I don't think you should go out with her. I mean, look at her! Those pants, with that top? What is she thinking? A trollop!"

"Seriously," says Jade, smirking.

"What's wrong with her top?" Robbie demands. "It's a sweater."

"Vertical stripes?" Beck says. "I don't trust a femme in vertical stripes, Rob-Man."

Robbie rolls his eyes, wanting to be done with the topic. He barely knows Rainah! He isn't like Beck, who can just go to Karaoke Dokie with any lady he meets in the school parking lot. "Can we please go to lunch? My blood-sugar is getting low."

"Uh oh," says Beck to Jade. "You know what that means."

"The vapors," says Jade, putting her hand to her forehead. "Oh, my stars!" They start walking ahead of him.

Robbie glowers at them. "I do not sound like that!" he squawks, hurrying to catch up. "I have never uttered that phrase, Jade West."

Jade laughs again. "Okay, let me try a different one." She raises her hand to her head again. "Holy Moses!"

Beck breaks up in laughter. Robbie grumbles, and they head out to the courtyard.

**AN: I had so much fun writing this chapter. I don't know – I guess because there was a lot of group interaction, and a Robbie/Jade scene that was semi-serious.**


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

"Why would they cast Richard Gere as Lancelot?" Robbie asks contemplatively.

"I really have no idea," says Jade, who's laying shoulder-to-shoulder beside him on his bed. He turns to look at her, and she wrinkles her nose. "He's, like, _old._"

"My mom likes him," Robbie offers.

Jade laughs beside him, and he can feel the vibrations move down her arm and onto his. "So does my stepmom! Gross!" He laughs too.

It's just after school. They're "regrouping," as Jade calls it. She always needs to take about five minutes to sit in silence, to recover from all of the idiots she's had to deal with all day, she says. She had met him at his house after school – he knows that she is taking play production her last period, but she had skipped it in favor of … well, being a delinquent. At the beginning of the week, they'd taken their test on The Canterbury Tales, and they've wanted to compare teacher comments. They've been watching a movie about King Arthur in class, which has prompted their current conversation.

Jade had followed him to his room and collapsed onto his bed in a heap of black dress and bracelets and boots and multicolored hair. Feeling very nervous, Robbie had sat down beside her. When she didn't react negatively, he carefully laid beside her. It's their standard movie-watching position, but there's no television in his room.

"You don't have to lay there all frozen in fear that my fat is just going to spill over and knock you off the bed!" Jade had crabbed viciously.

She'd snatched up his pillow and pulled it over her head and had yelled into it suddenly. Then she'd kicked her boots off over the edge of his bed, crossed her legs, and continued laying. Robbie had remained very still, as not to further anger her, much as he would if he were in the cage of a very hungry and furiously dangerous tiger.

Over the last three weeks that have passed, Jade has been acting … erratically, to say the least. Sometimes she isn't at lunch at all. And she always wants to skip class. Since Robbie had told her that's practically illegal and refused to aide her alongside these activities, she's sometimes been driving herself to and from school (he worries about the state of her engine. When she'd parked her car in his driveway, it had been smoking slightly).

Sometimes she hangs out after school with Steve Strickland's gang of miscreants. Cat had been sad this week because Jade hadn't called her on Tuesday night.

"She always calls me at nine o' clock if I don't call her and we watch Gossip Girl together on the phone. We haven't missed an episode since the _second season_," she'd told Robbie emphatically.

"What's Gossip Girl?" Robbie had asked. Cat had looked very put-upon as she explained that it was a tv show. "So why doesn't she just go to your house to watch it?"

Cat had looked at him like he was dumb. "Because … it's more fun this way, Robbie!"

"Oh, okay," is all Robbie had said.

Jade has written her mother two letters, the latest one just over two weeks ago. She's been waiting for a reply. So far, no dice.

Now, on his bed, they fall silent again. The closeness of her sometimes affects his speech patterns.

He wonders, idly, when they'd begun_ touching_ so much. She trips him in the hallways. She pulls his hair. He tugs on her shirt sleeves to get her attention. He steers her into English class. He taps on her arm when she_ isn't_ paying attention. She digs right into his pants pockets to get his wallet out and borrow a dollar for soda. She leans heavily on him at their lockers.

Not that he minds, you understand. He just thinks about these things.

Now, so close beside her, he clears his throat. She seems to recognize it as Robbie-speak for "I'm about to say something important," and she piques her eyebrows slightly.

"Anything today?" he asks.

Jade just looks back at him for a moment, and her eyes are dull. "Nothing," she says in a flat tone.

Sometimes, still, it will surprise him, just how much he can actually hurt for another person.

Jade wants her mother. It's fairly clear to him. She has had delivery tracking added onto both of her letters, so she knows that they have been received. "They aren't too long," she's told him. "And I wasn't mean." He can hear the unheard question at the end: _So why won't she answer me? _

"It hasn't been ... that long still," he tells her now, somewhat hesitantly. This is a subject he's always careful to broach, a subject they never linger on, but is always there. "Maybe she's thinking about what to say."

Jade snorts a little. Her arm is still resting against his, but somehow, he can tell she is moving farther and farther away, and he feels the loss. "_My_ mom?" she says to him in derision. "Always has something to say. She writes everything down. She had papers and papers of shit everywhere. She'd write all over her books and ruin them. She'd write letters for the fucking grocer, man. She wrote letters to my dad, too."

"Really?"

Jade shrugs. "I read them once, but I was too little to remember. And she probably sent them to the wrong place or just never did. If Dad had known about me, he wouldn't have ignored her."

He can hear the sureness in her voice. She says, "He told me so."

"Oh," says Robbie. For some reason, he feels very small. Their lives are very different at times.

Jade sits up suddenly. "It's whatever." She stretches. Her bracelets clink together quietly. "I have so much _homework,_" she complains.

This is something he can be useful with. "Math?" he asks.

She nods dourly.

"So what are we waiting for?" he says. "Are you finished resting? Or do you need to scream again?" He isn't being flippant.

Jade considers him. "I guess I'm done." She slides off his bed to retrieve her backpack.

They sit up in his room for an hour or so. He does Jade's math problems for her and she reads through his test scores and makes notes in his English book about the paragraphs they're supposed to read. Robbie can never really understand what passages are important and which aren't. Whoever gets the book next year will be lucky. They talk and laugh, trade notebooks, and she makes him happy.

They've been discussing college applications, which are due to be sent out in a month or so. Robbie is mostly going to end up at the local university. He's not sure what he wants to do – something with science, maybe. If he gets good at or likes something, maybe he can transfer to a more prestigious place later. He isn't very bothered by it. He's still focused on trying to get by day by day and being sort of happy at the end of it.

Jade is applying to a bunch of places, some nearby, some not so much. She's applying to NYU, all the way across country, which makes him feel unhappy. She wants to go to their film school. However, if she does go so far away for four years, he'll probably fall out of love with her, which might be a good thing. Maybe he can move on with his life. But for now, she is here, in his room, scowling at his science brochures and sitting close to him.

Eventually, though, she gets up to leave. Robbie sort of pesters her as she's standing and gathering her things together. "What's going on?" he asks her.

Jade shrugs. "Just want to go out. Nothing's doing. I might go hang out at Holly Springs for a while."

Robbie doesn't like the Holly Springs park. A lot of kids from Hollywood Arts and Northridge meet up there - kids like Steve Strickland and his posse of beanie-wearing smoke-casting friends. Sometimes, during their fifteen minute free-period during midday of Hollywood Arts, he'll see them smoking out in the corner of the courtyard. Sometimes Jade is with them.

In all honesty, Steve isn't really doesn't seem to be too bad of a guy. He just likes nicotine. And is too charismatic. And too blonde. And he has a _moped_. Jade doesn't need to be hanging out with him, Robbie thinks. Surely he doesn't have a spare helmet.

But Robbie doesn't tell her this.

"You don't want to watch Pay It Forward again?" Robbie presses.

Jade hesitates. He's pulled out one of her weaknesses – a tender Haley Joel Osment film. How can you say no to a sensitive preteen in a cut-off t-shirt?

"Maybe tomorrow," Jade says. Robbie concedes. He's still getting used to not seeing her for six hours a day. He misses their summer.

"Let me drive you to school in the morning," he tells her, as she's packing up her messenger bag to go.

"It's fine," she says.

Well, it had been fine in September, and she'd still accepted rides from him. Even with Tori in the backseat! What's different now?

Robbie frowns at her. "I just … I'm worried about your car. I don't want it to explode on the freeway." He's seen first-hand just how badly her steering wheel shakes.

Jade rolls her eyes. "Don't worry about me, Samberg."

He can't help it. But he lets her go.

"Call Cat," she tells him as she's heading out the door. "You need to help her with her college applications. She _can not_ draw on her Sarah Lawrence application."

Jade doesn't call or text him that night as she usually does. He tries not to fret on her too much. He and Tori send each other a few text message back and forth, and he kills some zombies with Beck on his xBox for a while. Jess reads in his room and compliments Beck's kill ratio. Robbie definitely has a higher score than he does, and he points this out to his sister, who looks unimpressed with him. Eventually he turns the gaming system off and he re-edits the worksheets that he and Rainah have come up with to give to the freshman that they're tutoring.

Rainah is a very hard-worker. She actually contributes when Robbie wants to work on things. She's _courteous_. She's nice and funny and she likes The Beatles. And she doesn't call him a loser, or punch him in the hip, or interrupt him when he's talking to make snoring noises. She also, sadly, has one major failing - she is not Jade.

He casts one more longing glance at his phone before he turns the lights out and goes to bed. He is dealing with it, he tells himself.

* * *

Escaping from Cat's chatter, he slips out of the Audio / Visual room and heads down the hallway, feeling pretty good. He heads down the halls to the north side of the school, towards Jade's locker, remembering her words at lunch about meeting up at the end of the day. He picks up his gait as he passes Sikowitz's room and doesn't glance in. From the room, he can hear Sikowitz singing. Sounds like Bob Dylan. The song, that is – not Sikowitz's voice.

He's about to round the corridor, widely, passing by the opposite side. Jade's locker is in his sight, and – so is she, as well as fellow senior Kevin Vargas. Vargas is kind of leaning over her, with one arm poised above her on the top of her locker. Jade isn't exactly shoving him away, but she's leaned as far back as she can get against the metal row of lockers, looking annoyed. She generally looks annoyed while she's at school, though, so this isn't very telling. She's sort of holding her green messenger bag in her arms, which are crossed on her chest.

Robbie quickly ducks back around the corridor. Jade's locker is right at the end of the adjoining wall, and he's standing only about five feet from them. He's not sure why he doesn't yet want to make his presence known.

" - should come out with us today, Jadelyn," Vargas is saying. Kevin Vargas is a friend of Steve Strickland. Is that whole gang after her?

Robbie rolls his eyes heavily. Vargas is such a tool. Jade's name is _Jade._ It's not short for anything.

He doesn't particularly like Kevin Vargas. He's sort of a jerk. He's Puerto Rican, and is always talking about the wild things that happen when he goes down there. Like having dual citizenship is such a big deal. He smokes pot. He has a big scar down one eyebrow. He even has a real leather jacket.

Robbie thinks he's real bad news.

"Yeah, I have plans today," he hears Jade say dismissively.

Vargas chuckles a little bit. Arrogant jerk! "What, with that dorky AV kid? You're always hanging around with him. He's so weird. You need to break out, West. It's the freaking weekend."

"I am _not_ always hanging with him," Jade says, and Robbie's heart sinks. She adds grumpily, "And he's _not_ weird."

He feels better.

Vargas says something else, which Robbie can't hear because a group of sophomore girls pass him, giggling loudly.

He hears Jade snap, "_Don't_ touch my hair, Vargas."

He's _touching her hair?_ He's getting entirely too fresh! Robbie knows that Jade won't stand for that. He also knows that Vargas has about a hundred pounds on her, and a very short temper.

Robbie quickly shoves himself up off of the wall he's leaning on and rounds the corner, very nearly bumping into Vargas. The boy shoots him a very dark and unimpressed look. He does, however, takes his hand off of Jade's locker.

"Hi Jade!" he says, loudly and happily. Jade slips away from Vargas now, turning a bit to face Robbie.

He feels sort of dumb, standing between her and a guy that the general consensus of the school thinks is hot and probably better than him. Robbie knows what he looks like. Too skinny, tall but not tall enough to be discernible. He's sort of sweaty because it's been unusually hot today (with a warning of a cold front encroaching tonight, his PearPhone has alerted him), and his ratty hoodie has rips on it and a big ink blotch on the sleeve. His glasses are outdated and Cat had drawn all over his hands with a purple gel pen at lunch. He can feel Vargas eyeing him critically, but he doesn't allow himself to look back.

Magically, magically, though, Jade just gives him a small, relieved smile. When she looks at him this way, he just feels like a person, and not the dorkiest dork on the face of the planet, even when she's calling him as such.

"Hey Roberto," she says, pulling out an oldie but a goodie. "How was your stage thing?"

"Cat stopped in," he tells her. "She's hanging all over SinJin. I think she needs a new credit card."

Jade smirks, then pouts exaggeratedly as she opens her locker. "You think she maxed out Fiesta City?"

"I _know_ she maxed out Fiesta City," Robbie says. "Did you see her brother's van? There are, like, eighty pinatas in the back." Maybe Beck can adopt them, he adds silently.

"Oh my _god,_" says Jade. She sounds to be a mixture of horrified and delighted. "You think - "

Vargas, who has been being ignored, makes a loud noise in the back of his throat. Jade turns, slowly, coolly, to look at him.

"Well, I've gotta jet," he says pointedly. Jade just looks at him dismissively. "I'll see you later, Jadelyn."

"Bye," Jade says shortly, turning back to Robbie, who wants to do a victory dance.

Vargas, true to his word, _jets_. He pops his collar up as he struts down the hall - what a freaking tool.

"What a freaking tool," mutters Jade.

"You don't mean that, Jadelyn!" Robbie says. Jade hits him with her whole backpack.

"Are you ready to go?" she asks him.

"Sure," he says. "We have to wait for Tori, though. I promised I'd give her a ride to Groovy Smoothie." That's where Trina works in the afternoons when she isn't at her college-level acting classes. She's actually getting sort of good, now that she isn't trying to impress the whole universe and just the professor.

"All right," says Jade, without even making a mean comment about Tori. Robbie's wildly impressed by her. She slams her locker shut and they head down the hallway, musing together about the possible pairing of Cat and SinJin.

When they get outside to the parking lot, Tori's already at Robbie's car, leaning on the side of it and looking like a girl in a music video. But a tasteful one, he amends quickly. Tori is no one's cherry pie.

He's been watching too much VH1.

Tori grins at them when she spots them and waves enthusiastically, even though they're only about fifteen feet away. Robbie grins back and waves exaggeratedly. Jade rolls her eyes at them.

Robbie unlocks his car doors and Tori slides into the backseat without even a withering glance from Jade to prompt her. Jade takes the front with him. She pulls out her pack of cigarettes and glances at Robbie. He doesn't say anything, and is sort of amused that after all this time, she's sort of looking for his permission to smoke in his car. She'll do it anyway! She's very lucky his mother hasn't seen the burn hole in the upholstery above the window. He's covered it with a Cuttlefish sticker that Beck had given him.

Tori chatters at them on the drive down Hollywood to the Groovy Smoothie, and the girls make small talk about the bands that are playing on the radio. When they arrive, he and Jade halfheartedly follow Tori inside, prompted by her offer of free drinks and Trina in a red visor and matching blouse. They sit in a back booth and he and Tori work on their history assignments as Jade looks bored and samples their smoothies.

"What are you guys doing tonight?" Tori asks them. It's Friday.

"Not sure," says Robbie.

"Ask again later," Jade says. She slurps Robbie's raspberry splat smoothie loudly.

"I hope there isn't milk in that," Robbie frets.

The girls ignore him. He's always fretting about there being milk in things. Jade takes the opportunity to take another slurp. "Doesn't taste like milk," she informs him.

"Jade!" says Tori disapprovingly. "Can't you use your own straw? Robbie doesn't know where your mouth has been."

Against his, he thinks absently. But not for almost seven months.

Jade burps at her. Tori crinkles up her brow and frowns, but doesn't chide her again. She pushes aside her history papers and taps at her phone. "Cat's inviting us to a paaarty," she singsongs.

Jade looks interested. Robbie looks doubtful.

"What kind of party?" he demands.

Tori just stares at him. "A … party party."

Robbie puts his head in his hands. "Good." Jade laughs.

"Well, I think it will be fun," Tori says decisively. "I wonder if Beck and Alison are going." She starts to pour over her phone. "I know Andre isn't doing anything tonight. Our first senior year party!" she says. "Our first group outing!"

He wonders if parties are going to become a 'thing' for him and his friends now. He hopes not. Beck and Andre have always been somewhat of partygoers, but not Robbie, not really. He'd never had the time to waste. All right – that's a lie. He'd never wanted to _waste_ the time. And he knows Tori doesn't really drink. What does she want to go to a stranger's party for?

Sitting around the crowded hang-out, they make their plans. Trina's going to drive Tori home once her shift is over, and she will get ready from there. Beck, Alison, and Andre are going to meet them all around eight. Cat calls Robbie and chatters in his ear for a few long minutes as Jade smirks at him. The party's being thrown by a girl in Cat's Creative Writing class - someone named Alyssa or Alice or Annmarie. Robbie isn't really listening. He's got the gist of it.

Eventually, Trina's shift breaks and she comes over to talk to them. She complains about her coworkers for a few minutes, and Robbie is resigned to listening. After a few minutes, though, Jade begins to look increasingly annoyed, and Robbie fobs off and says they should get going, offering her an out before she begins to yell at Trina. The sisters wave goodbye to them as they gather their things and head out of the smoothie shop.

"Do you need a ride later?" Robbie asks once they're in his car, trying not to sound too dour. If he stays out too late, he'll be sleepy when he goes to visit Dad in the morning.

Jade gives him a sidelong glance. "Cat can take me if you don't want to come," she tells him. Her voice doesn't betray anything about wanting him there or not. Then she adds, "But you should, though."

"Yeah?" he says.

"Sure," Jade says. "Why not?"

He drops Jade back off at her house, and when he reaches his own, he sighs heavily. Time to get ready for a night of good old teenaged fun.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

By the time they reach Alyssa's or Alice's or Annmarie's, the party seems to be in full swing. He's driven Cat, as well, to be safe, and the girls get out of his Honda and stare appreciatively at the smattering of teenagers hanging out on the lawn. Some of them are holding what appear to be beer cans - out here in plain sight! Robbie looks at his watch in disgust. It's barely eight!

He follows the girls into the house – mansion, really, it should be called – and is swept up into the whirlwind of teenagers and music almost immediately. He and Jade lose sight of Cat for a few minutes, but she pops up beside them as they jostle their way past their fellow teenagers and make their way into what appears to be a living room.

She's holding two plastic blue cups, and she hands one over to Jade. "Sorry, Robbie," she says. "I didn't know what you would want."

Robbie makes a considering face at her. Why would she know what Jade wants? He hasn't heard any stories of them going out to drink illegally together. Perhaps they make cocktails over the phone while they're watching nighttime soap operas together.

"I can't drink anyway," he says.

Cat pouts at him. "Why not?" she questions.

"It's against his religion," Jade says. "Plus, he's our driver, dummy."

Cat seems satisfied by this. Robbie perches on the end of a couch as Cat chatters to everyone that passes by. Jade drinks her drink, then steals Cat's. She's begun smoking again, ashing into a potted fern that's beside them. Looking at the expensive wall-coverings, Robbie sort of doubts this is a smoking household, but no one is there to tell her no. Cat hasn't yet made any mention of finding Alyssa or Alice or Annmarie.

Eventually Cat spies a boy she knows and is led off, excited by the prospect of cookies and jacuzzis and Jello shots. Robbie glowers in the direction she's left.

Jade waves her cigarette at him. "She's fine," she says without his asking. "She hasn't even drank yet. And I taught her a mean right hook."

Robbie doesn't feel very reassured, but he's not prepared to leave Jade, either. Anyway, he has Cat linked to a tracking device on his phone. She's bought them all the App for their PearPhones, though Jade and Tori refuse to ever turn theirs on. Beck thinks it's a riot and often uses his to find Robbie and he tags him pretty frequently as being in the bathroom on Splashface. Beck isn't as funny as he thinks he is.

When Jade grows bored of the scene, he follows her through the crowded halls of the house until they find another spot to inhabit. He's glad that they haven't bumped into Kevin Vargas or any of his crownies. He doesn't think that they run in the same circles as the girls in Cat's writing class, though that probably doesn't matter too much, as he's seen just about everyone else in the universe here tonight.

He and Jade reach the backyard, which is also crammed full of people. There are red-and-orange Halloween lights strung up everywhere, along the side porch and up around the pool. Cat hadn't told him it was a pool party. Robbie thinks it's too cold for that, though he knows that the girls have worn their bikinis under the clothes they've picked out. Jade sits on the deck and lights up another cigarette. A guy passing by fobs his cup off on Robbie before bellowing and chasing after a girl who's giggling drunkenly. Robbie looks into the cup warily.

"Robbie? Hey, Robbie!"

He looks up in time to see Rainah and another girl he doesn't know making their way across the yard to him.

He smiles at the girls and waits until the move close enough before saying hello back.

"I had no idea you'd be here!" Rainah tells him. She isn't holding the requisite blue cup, though her friend is carrying three of them.

"My friend Cat is friends with the girl who's throwing this," he tells her.

"Oh, yes," says Rainah. She's very proper. "I know Cat. She's in my writing class. Is she around?"

"Um," Robbie says guiltily. "She's here somewhere. Do you know Jade?"

Jade looks up at them dismissively. She arches an eyebrow lazily in greeting. She's somehow found another cup. Rainah smiles tightly at her before turning her gaze back to Robbie.

He chats with Rainah for a few long moments, but eventually she leaves, following after her friend, who claims to be feeling sick. Rainah rolls her eyes a little at him. "I'm Designated Dave," she tells him, and then frowns. "Designated Daisy? Well, where she goes, I follow. I'm the ride home."

"Yeah, me too," he tells her. "Well, not Daisy."

Rainah laughs, and disappears. He turns back to the deck. Jade is gone.

Peppercorns.

He returns inside back to the crowded kitchen. He can barely squeeze in. He dumps his drink out in the sink, then refills the cup from a bottle of soda that's in the fridge. It's unopened, so he figures it's safe. He squeezes to the crowd and ends up in a hallway. He casts his eyes around, looking for a familiar face. Eventually he spies Andre and Tori over by the doorframe, and meanders his way over to him.

"Hey, Rob!" Andre greets him exuberantly. "We've been looking for you guys for hours." Beside him, Tori looks displeased.

"Are you guys drinking?" Robbie asks.

Andre sort of chuckles at him. "Oh, no. Me drinking? As it is, I'm sure my grandmother will smell the devil's brew on me by proxy."

Robbie laughs too. He feels a little bit better, and waves his cup at Andre. "Ginger ale."

Andre wrinkles his nose. He's never drank soda. "At least it isn't that pineapple stuff Cat 'n Jade drink."

Robbie smiles. "Have you seen either of them lately?"

"Not for a few," Andre says, and makes a face. "Cat was in the kitchen with those girls from her writing class. Now though? Who knows. Probably on Jupiter by now."

Robbie laughs again. He hopes Cat isn't drinking too much.

Tori is frowning severely. "This party is out of control," she says to him in greeting. She shakes Robbie's shoulder. "People are smoking _that stuff _upstairs," she says, sounding disgusted. '_That stuff_' could be a variation of anything from cigarettes to marijuana to … well, whatever else people smoke. Tori isn't a fan of any of that.

Now Tori frowns down dismally at herself. The side of her dress is all wet, as are the ends of her hair. "People are actually swimming. It's freezing out! Some guy splashed me." She sighs heavily. "This dress is Trina's. I'm going to have to get it dry-cleaned."

Andre and Robbie look at her sympathetically.

"I think I'm going to leave," Tori informs them. "I don't know who to call, though. Trina's out with this guy and … well, Mom or Dad will break the party up." She looks around consideringly. "Which probably wouldn't be such a bad idea."

"I can take you home, Tor," Andre offers. "It's getting pretty late anyhow."

Robbie looks at his PearPhone. After eleven. How have over two hours passed? It seems like an eternity, but he didn't think it actually would be.

"Will you be all right, Robbie?" Tori asks him in concern.

He nods. "Sure. I think I'm going to stick around, try and round up the others."

Tori concedes, and she and Andre leave a few minutes later. Tori picks up some bottles of alcohol that are lying around and hides them under a couch. "There are enough of these floating around," she says darkly.

* * *

He finds Beck and Alison in a … second living room? the den? the playroom? pitted against each other on some racing game on an old Playstation. They're neck and neck, both glowering at each other occasionally as they furiously jab at the paddles. Beck squawks in indignation as Ali passes him. They're completely oblivious to the shouts and spills of their surrounding classmates. A paper cup sails by Ali's head as she presses buttons on her controller, impassive.

"Have you guys seen Cat or Jade?" Robbie has to yell to make himself heard over the music and the roaring engines of the game.

"Robbie!" Beck squawks. "Not now!"

Alison is a much better person than Beck, and she actually pauses the game to speak to him. "I haven't seen Jade in a while," she tells him. "Cat's still in the kitchen, though. Or she was before we started this."

"All right, thanks," Robbie says doubtfully. Now he just has to find the kitchen. This house must be even bigger than Beck's. And he's never seen a house larger than Beck's. "I'm going to send her over to you."

"That's fine," Beck tells him, then hollers again as Ali unpauses their game suddenly and he loses engine power.

Robbie leaves them to race. They'll be fine where they are.

He meanders down the hallway and back down the stairs. There are a bunch of people just sitting on the steps, talking and giggling and drinking, and they don't really move when Robbie says "Excuse me." He has to step over them and accidentally sort of kicks a girl in the back, but she doesn't even look up. He tells her sorry anyhow.

He finds Cat in the kitchen, sitting with two other girls, demolishing a bag of Halloween-colored Oreos. It looks disgusting. They're surrounded by empty plastic cups.

"Robbie's here!" Cat cries jubilantly when he comes to stand beside her on her tall kitchen stool. She throws her arms around his shoulders so heavily that he nearly falls over. The cat's been in the sauce, he thinks, cracking himself up internally.

"Hi Cat," he says, choking a little as she tightens her grip.

She uses her other hand to sloppily pet his hair. "Are you having fun, Robbie?" she asks him. She brightens and looks around at her two friends. "This is Julie and Alexis," she shouts in his ear. "This is Alexis's house!"

Oh! Alexis. Julie and (not Alyssa or Alice or Annmarie) Alexis just look at him dismissively and sort of wave before turning back to each other and continuing their conversation. Both girls look sort of … alternative, Robbie thinks nicely. Half of Julie's head is shaved.

He turns back to Cat before he can allow his critique to go on. "Beck and Ali really want you to referee their game," he tells her very seriously.

Cat's eyebrows raise to high they nearly shoot off her forehead. "Really?" she demands. "Where are they, Robbie?"

"Upstairs," he tells her. "Make a left."

"Kay-kay!" Cat cries. She kisses him on the cheek, then hops off of the barstool. She steels her shoulders and clomps out of the room in her bright yellow heels. The two remaining girls look at him, unimpressed. Robbie smiles tightly at them.

"Nice night, huh?" he says. They ignore him. He turns his glance to the doorway that Cat's disappeared through. He hopes she won't get distracted on her way to Beck and Alison.

Now, he still needs to find Jade, though. He mutters a goodbye to the two remaining girls at the table and heads out, his search renewed. He fumbles through the crowds. A girl knocks his drink out of his hand, but he's too distracted to be bothered by cleaning it up. His phone vibrates in his pocket, and he pulls it out. Beck has sent him a text. _The cat's in the bag. we're taking her home soon. U find jade?_

At least he no longer has to worry about Cat. He knows that Beck and Ali will take care of her. He'll have to try to remember to call them all, later, if he ever finds Jade and makes it home.

As he's heading outside, a boy from AV grabs his arm, and he gets dragged into a long conversation about video games. Something about Diablo II. Robbie's never played it, though Beck has sometimes tried to get him to. Robbie doesn't see the appeal of being trapped in a dungeon with a bunch of angry skeletons. Eventually he manages to break free.

Jade, when he finally find her, is sitting out on the front steps, basked in the dim light from the solar porch lights. She's wearing her black bikini and nothing else. Why isn't she dressed? He can see the white curve of her spine, very exposed.

The ends of her hair are dripping wet. She's smoking unsteadily. He wonders how much she's had to drink. Why hadn't he insisted on staying with her?

"Jade," he says softly, coming to sit beside her. "Where are your clothes?"

She glances at him blearily. A lot of her makeup has washed off and trickled down her face. Her eyes and under are smeared a running purple-black, violet and smoke rings. The rest of her face – her body – is shockingly pale in the weak light.

"I wanted to go swimming," she tells him.

"It's like forty-five degrees out," he grumbles at her. Feeling very shy for some reason, he slips off his grey hoodie and puts it carefully around her shoulders. He plucks the cigarette out of her hand so she can worm her arms through the sleeve. She looks up at him tiredly.

"I'm bored, Robbie," she says peevishly. "No one would swim with me. I bet they all just wanted to see me in my suit."

He laughs a little as he settles back down beside her. "I bet they did," he tells her. He hands her back her cigarette, which she takes and gazes down at it contemplatively. "What else have you been doing?"

"Stupid shit," she says. "Everyone here is so dumb. I can't stand them." She glowers at him. "Why didn't we watch Pay It Forward?"

"I'm sorry," he says. "Do you want to do that now?"

Jade swats at him blearily and connects with his shoulder. "Don't try to appease me, Shapiro," she slurs. "I thought you left me. I thought you went_ home._"

"Why would I go home?" he asks. "I drove you here. I've been trying to find you."

Jade just looks at him consideringly. It looks like it's hard for her to focus.

"How much have you had to drink?" he asks, worried.

Jade doesn't answer him and she just smiles slowly before taking another long drag of her cigarette.

"Don't know," she says. "A lot."

Robbie frowns at her. "Jade," he says.

"_Robbie_," she says back, sneering.

"Why do you … " He sighs. "You don't need to do this to yourself."

Jade glares sharply at him. "I'm not doing _anything_ to myself!"

"All right," he concedes.

She swats him again. "I'm a _teenager. _This is what we do."

"I know," he says.

She glares at him some more. She looks so small, swimming in his hoodie. "You're so stupid," she tells him.

"I know," he says again. "I just wish you wouldn't drink so much."

Jade groans.

"Sorry," he tells her. "I just care about you."

"Oh god, shut up," she moans. She throws her cigarette onto the grass and scrubs at her face. "Just _shut up._ Don't worry about me, Shapiro. Why do you care about me? Why do you worry about me?"

"Someone has to," he says quietly. "Look, I know you've been upset - "

"Shut up!" she tells him. "God, you act like you know things … you don't know _shit,_ Robbie. About me. Shit. _Shit._"

"Sorry," he says again. He wants to – reach out and touch her, put his arm around her shoulder, something, but he doesn't know if that would be a good idea or a very bad one. He has no idea why she's seemingly so upset. Is it just because she's drunk? She hadn't been like this last time. Maybe she's had more to drink than then.

Jade just looks at him blearily. Now she doesn't look angry. Just – sort of sad. Small, and unsure. She furrows her brows at him, trying to glare, but he can tell her heart isn't in it. He just sits and watches her.

"Why are you like this?" she demands.

Robbie has no idea what she means. "Like what?"

"Like – like how you _are._" She's looking at him very intensely now. Her body is turned towards him. She's playing with one of the strings on his hoodie absently. It's unraveling.

"What am I like?" he asks. She doesn't answer him, so he licks his lips nervously and tries again. "What am I like, Jade?"

She just looks at him. It's so unfair, his life. He shouldn't find her to be so beautiful, not when she's sitting here in the half-dark, covered in goosebumps, her makeup smeared and blotted all over her face. What is he like?

Jade makes a small noise in the back of her throat – sort of a growl. He doesn't understand why she could possibly be angry at him. He's only been sitting beside her for three minutes, he shouldn't be able to do something wrong so quickly. Before he can ask her what it is that he has done though, what's wrong, she's leaning across him. She's grabbing the collar of his polo shirt and pulling him towards her, and then _she is kissing him_.

At first he doesn't know how to react. He must be dreaming, or slipped into one of his active daydreams. But her mouth is cold against his from the night air, and she sort of tastes like chlorine, from the pool, and she also tastes like orange vodka, so it must be reality. Her hand is wrapped up tightly in his shirt, so he couldn't move away if he tried, not that he would ever try.

He lets himself kiss her back, because – well, because this is Jade, and this is all he wants, and he does not known when the moment will come again. For one rare instant, he allows himself to actually react to something.

He opens his mouth to her. She sort of traces his bottom lip with hers and then she nips him a little bit. Everything around him is sort of bleary and hazy now, too, and he wishes it wasn't, because a kiss is something he would like to remember with great clarity, especially if it comes from her.

Her mouth is warmer now, her lips smooth and impossibly soft. Her tongue is illusive. He lets himself lean into the kiss. She sort of breathes into his mouth, a little sigh, and it's actually pretty attractive in ways that Robbie doesn't really allow himself to think of. He can feel the incredible nearness of her, and when he lets his eyes flutter open, he can feel her closed eyelashes against his own, see the shock-purple of her smeared makeup.

Her hand that has been gripping his shirt loosens to sort of trail down his chest midway. Her fingertips feel scorching hot through the fabric, and he wonders absently what she is searching for. Muscles? He doesn't have any. She fists her hand into his shirt again and drags him even closer. Her other arm comes up and her fingers entwine in his hair, pulling gently. He thinks he sort of moans. He has no idea what to do with his own hands, so he sort of snakes his free arm around her waist. He doesn't let his mouth break from hers.

He doesn't know how long they kiss for. Maybe a year, but probably only closer to five minutes. He's sort of awkward at first, but he soon forgets to be since – well, he forgets to be anything. All there is is Jade, and Jade's mouth, and Jade's soft face as he moves his hand up to cradle her cheek. His glasses are pressed sort of hard and uncomfortably against his face, but he doesn't think he could possibly care any less. They could shatter and he'll go blind. It doesn't matter. What does he need to see for? He's got Jade, and he's kissing her, finally really kissing her.

There's the loud sound of the door slamming, and someone exclaims as they jostle by him. Now he can hear again, the loud music that's coming from inside of the house. They finally pull apart as Jade turns to glare at whoever's shoved by them, but the figure is already nearly gone, sliding across the grass of the lawn. She turns back to Robbie. Her eyes are glittering and focused.

He remembers that she is very drunk.

"Jade," he says, when her lips are an inch from her own.

"Yes?" she asks, and she smiles dangerously.

His life. He hates his life so much. Why does she have to be drunk? Why does she have to be wearing his jacket?

"Jade, we can't do this here."

She looks at him, and her gaze burns his whole body. "Do you wanna go somewhere?" she questions in a sultry tone.

"I - " he croaks, before her lips meet his own again. She doesn't taste like chlorine anymore. With the greatest effort of his life, he pulls himself away from her slightly. "You're really drunk. Jade." He can't stop saying her name.

She pulls back a few inches to look at him sullenly. "So what?" she asks.

"So – so – I need to take you home now," he croaks. She just stares at him, not comprehending. "You can still kiss me tomorrow if you want."

She groans suddenly, moving away from him to drop her head in her hands. "Fuck," she moans through her nails.

"Ah," he says. "I'm sorry."

"Shut up, Robbie," she mumbles, not moving.

He touches her shoulder carefully. Her whole body ridged beneath his hand, but she doesn't pull away. "Jade?" he says softly. "Can you stand up?"

She growls at him. "Yes, I can fucking stand." She rips away from him, moving to get up. She sort of stumbles down the remaining two steps. She pulls his jacket up around her stiffly.

"I'm sorry," he says again, because he doesn't know what else to say. His body feels cold now. "Do you – should we get your clothes?"

"Just take me home," she says in a small voice.

"All right." She doesn't make another move, so he touches her shoulder again, but she pulls away. He resists, though, managing to keep his hand there. "My car's not far."

"Yeah, I know where you car is," she says gruffly. They make their way across the lawn in silence. He keeps his arm around her, and she doesn't move away again, stumbling slightly against him as the hit the concrete of the sidewalk. He realizes for the first time, stupidly, that she isn't wearing her shoes, either. She loves those dumb flip-flops.

They reach his car and she leans heavily against the passenger door as he comes around and unlocks it for her. She slides into the seat, and he sort of leans in after her to buckle her seatbelt. "Do you - ?"

"Shut up," she tells him. She puts her face in her hands again and grumbles intelligibly.

He shuts up. He crosses around to his own side and gets in and starts the engine. He pauses to look at her, but she doesn't speak, her head still hidden in her hands. Even with his windows drawn closed he can still hear the music that's drifting up from the lawn.

He puts his car into drive, and pulls away from the curb. Eventually, Jade pulls her hands away from her face, and she moves to lean heavily against the window. She looks very tired and very sad.

He tries again: "Jade, I think - "

"Please shut up," she intones tiredly. She doesn't look at him.

"All right," he says sadly, and continues to drive. He doesn't know what he has done that was so very wrong. She is so, so drunk. He doesn't like to see her like this – he's _never_ seen her like this. He's just so worried about her.

He doesn't feel sure enough to turn his radio up, those he does snap on the heat for her. She wraps his jacket around her tighter and looks out the window. She doesn't really look angry. She doesn't look anything. He wonders, desperately, what she is thinking of him, if at all. He doesn't try to speak again, though. The silent settles over them like a blanket.

The drive to her house isn't very long, maybe ten minutes, but he feels like a century. He has aged so much tonight. He doesn't speak, and Jade doesn't look at him. He keeps sneaking little, helpless glances at her, because that is all he can ever do. Her long legs, stretching out down the seat, are very white in the dim streetlights that pass over them. She has a small scrape going down one knee. It looks fresh. Her nails are painted black, and the polish on her thumb is chipping. She probably knows.

When he pulls into her driveway, the porchlight is on, as is the light on her father's study on the third floor. A quick look to his car's console tells him it's after one in the morning. He remembers, a decade ago, looking at his watch and seeing that it was barely eleven. What has he been doing for two hours? They couldn't have possibly kissed for so long.

"Thanks," Jade says shortly, fumbling with her seatbelt. He reaches over and unclicks it for her. They look at each other for a long moment, and she doesn't say anything else.

"I'll call you in the morning," he tells her.

"Whatever," she mumbles, sliding the seatbelt off of herself, and moving to get out of the car. She hesitates before she closes the door. "Sorry," she says, and then slams it.

He doesn't know what she could possibly be sorry for. He watches her as she slinks slowly across the yard, her shoulders hunched. He waits and watches as she reaches the porch, climbs the steps, and opens the front door. She slips inside without looking back at him.

The porch light goes out.

He sits in the driveway for another moment, idling, thinking. He chews on his bottom lip, which still tastes of her. He can't believe all that's happened. He can't believe he's stopped it.

Eventually, he sets his car into reverse, and backs out of her driveway. He drives home slowly, listening to the radio. There's a block of Creedence on the classic rock station he has the radio set to, but for once, rarely, he doesn't sing along. He's thinking of the morning. He wonders if he'll get what he wants for once.

**AN: For those of you who might know ... I totally stole Jade and Robbie's "why are you like this " / "what am I like" /etc conversation from, again, My So-Called Life. I'll call it a homage.  
**

**Thanks to even lovers drown, who told me this was okay, and thank you to everyone who left a review! 3 You guys are the best, for serious.  
**


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

He calls Jade several times the next day, but she never answers.

He's gotten up pretty late and he feels too – too wired to go and see Dad, too wired to sit around and remain still in that quiet room. For a while, he lays around the living room with Jess, working on his college essay as Jess plays some new video game that Beck's lent her. Every now and then, he checks his phone.

Beck calls him around four, and he loads Jess up into his car and they drive to meet Beck at the diner for an early dinner. Beck and his sister flick sugar packets at each other and laugh like kids. Robbie's pretty quiet, mostly ignoring them.

"Dude, are you all right?" Beck asks him in concern at one point.

"Sure, I'm fine," he says absently.

"Did you and Jade make it home last night?"

Robbie chokes on his water, and Beck and Jess watch him with interest for a few long moments as he sputters. "Yeah," Robbie croaks finally. "Um, I'm trying to get in touch with her."

"Hmm," says Beck, taking a giant bite of his cheeseburger. Robbie slumps in his seat.

Finally, around eight o clock, someone actually answers on Jade's line. It's her brother Jefferson.

"West is the best!" he bugles in his loud lispy tone.

"Uhh – Jeff? Hey, it's Robbie," Robbie says unnecessarily.

"Hi Robbie!" Jefferson says happily.

"Listen – uh, is Jade around?"

"Oh yeah!" Jeff says. "She's right here!" There's a weird noise, possibly the sound of Jeff being throttled. Then he says, "Uh, I mean, she's gone. She left! She's not here."

"Oh no?" Robbie says doubtfully.

"Sorry," says Jeff, not sounding very sorry.

Robbie sighs. "Look, can you just put her on the phone?"

He hears a weird growl. "She's not here!" yelps Jeff.

"Jeff, I can _hear_ her."

"Jade, he can _hear you,_" Jeff stage-whines.

"I don't want to _talk to him!_" Robbie hears Jade hiss. There's another weird sound.

"She doesn't want to talk to you!" Jeff yelps. "Not that she's here! Because she's not. And I'm not in her room. _Hey!_"

Robbie makes a strangled noise of his own. "Why not?" he demands.

"Why not?" Jeff demands. He yelps again. "She's asleep!" he hollers.

"She's not asleep!" Robbie tells him. "I can _hear her!_"

"Uhhh," says Jeff, sounding very nervous. "Well uhh."

"If you don't put her on the phone, I'm just going to come over," Robbie threatens.

Jeff whispers, "If I don't put you on the phone, he's just going to come over."

"_Cover the fucking phone when you talk to me!_" Robbie hears Jade roar.

"Oh!" yelps Jeff. There's the muffled sound of a hand being put over the receiver, then some weird, watery noises. Then Jeff comes back on the line. "She's dead," he tells Robbie matter-of-factly. "She went to Florida. Sorry."

"She did not go -" Robbie starts indignantly, then sighs. "I'm just going to come over, okay?"

"All right," Jeff sing-songs. "See you soon, Robbie!"

He changes out of the sweater he'd been wearing earlier in the day. Jade still has his old grey hoodie, his favorite, so he just pulls on a long-sleeved polo instead. He brushes his hair a lot. Jess watches him critically in the bathroom mirror. They're upstairs in Mom's bathroom.

"What are you doing?" Jess asks him doubtfully.

"I'm _grooming!_" Robbie tells her, annoyed. "I'm going to Jade's. I need to look nice."

"Well, you aren't really making things any _better,_" Jess says, casting a critical eye at his frizzy mane. She sot of curls her lip and sprays him with her apple-scented perfume. Robbie chokes and coughs.

Jess follows him down to the front door, complaining about his choice of attire. "Are you and Jade fighting?" she asks. "Why are you being all fussy?"

"I, uh - " he blushes hard. "I'll tell you later. Are you going to be all right by yourself for a while?"

Jess rolls her eyes. "Please, Robbie. I'm _thirteen._ Go see your _girlfriend._"

"Ahaha," Robbie says. Maybe, maybe.

He heads out to his car. It's already dark out, and he navigates the streets carefully. When he gets to Jade's, he parked and hurries across the lawn to the West's doorway. He rings the bell. He hears footsteps and the sounds of Jefferson shouting from inside. He waits.

Jeff answers the door, looking a mix of jubilation and high nervousness. "Hiya Robbie," he says highly, letting him in. "You wanna see my sister?"

"Yeah, if I can," Robbie says, somewhat timidly himself.

"Ha ha," says Jeff brightly. "Well, she's around here somewhere. I think - "

"Out, Jeff," Jade says, coming down the stairs. She looks pretty in her jeans and dark sweater. She also looks rather pissed off.

"See you!" Jeff hollers immediately, turning and bustling past him on the stairs. Once he's at the top of the landing, he pauses to shoot Robbie a sympathetic grin before disappearing into his bedroom.

Jade stops at the last step and looks at him … sort of warily. It's not a glance he's seen on her often, if ever. "What are you doing here, Shapiro?"

"I- " Robbie croaks, and pauses to clear his throat. "I wanted to talk to you."

Jade raises her eyebrows impassively and takes a seat on the steps. "Nothing to talk about," she says flatly.

He just stares at her, stunned. "_Really?_" he says.

Jade doesn't answer him.

"Jade … " he says slowly. "Can we just, like, talk about this – talk about what happened?"

"Nothing happened, Shapiro," she responds, her voice still carrying that flat edge. She simply won't look up at him, it seems. He's sort of bewildered. How can she say it's nothing? They had kissed, for Moses' sake! It had been more than a kiss, really. They'd actually _made out_. How is that nothing?

"Nothing?" he asks, flustered, his tone coming out a little higher than he'd intended. "Nothing? Jade you - " he forces himself to lower his voice, just in case Jeff is listening in or her parents are lurking nearby - "you _kissed_ me. How is that _nothing?_"

"You kissed me before too," she snaps at him suddenly. "And _that _was nothing, wasn't it?"

"I - " He doesn't know what to say. "I … because you wanted it to be. And I didn't … didn't know how I felt then."

"Yeah, you don't know anything," she says dismissively. "Look, Shapiro, just forget about it, okay?"

"I can't forget about it!" he tells her. "It's all I've been thinking of!"

Jade rolls her eyes. "Well, stop," she commands him. "It's not going to happen again. I get drunk, I do stupid things. It didn't mean anything."

"So … that's … that's all?" he asks her weakly. "It didn't mean anything?"

"Nope," Jade says, looking at the wall beside him.

Robbie closes his eyes briefly, runs his hand through his hair. "Why don't you want to talk about what's going on with us?" he demands.

Jade snorts derisively, and she actually looks up at him. "God, Shapiro. There is no _us. _You need to chill out."

"You … " Robbie starts, but he doesn't really know what else to say. He just stares at her again.

Jade narrows her eyes as she looks at him consideringly. "What exactly did you think was going to happen?" she snits at him. "Did you actually think I had feelings for you or something? Do you actually think I would? Do you - "

"Jade, I _like you,_" he bursts out before he can stop himself. "If you would - "

Jade laughs at him. "Oh, you_ like me_?" she asks. "That's a real shame, Shapiro."

He just stares at her.

She continues: "What exactly do you think is going to happen, Shapiro? _You like me._ Oh, Christ. What, you wanna go on dates for two months? You wanna go to Prom together? You want to go out with me and just have me treat you like shit until you get tired of it? You're a lunatic. You're an idiot!"

"You don't have to act like this," he tells her, somewhat angrily himself.

"I'm not _acting _like anything," she snaps. "This is _how I am_. I thought you _knew that_. You fuck up everything!"

"I do not!" he cries. "_I'm_ not the one who goes around making out with people in their freaking bathing suits, in the middle of October!"

Jade glowers at him. "I told you, it was a mistake."

"A ten minute mistake?" he demands.

"Yes," Jade confirms shortly. She cross her arms and glares at him from the steps.

"Jade," he says desperately. "Can you just - "

"No," she interrupts him. "I can't_ just._ I_ don't want _to talk about this! Just forget it happened! You can do that, can't you?"

"I don't want to forget it," he says. "I just want - "

Jade growls. "I _don't care_ what you want! I don't want it! I don't want anyone. I don't want to date anyone, I don't want to_ be with _anyone. Just fucking forget it, okay? _Forget it._"

He can't really do anything but look at her. His heart is thudding painfully in his throat. He doesn't understand her at all. What does she want?

"Fine," he says softly. She's like a brick wall, a strong one, that he cannot break, or climb over.

"All right," she agrees, just as softly. "Are you done?"

"I guess so," he mutters. "Are _you_ done?"

"Yeah," she says quietly. She's gone back to looking at her knees. "So … " she says slowly, frowning. "I guess I'll see you at school or whatever."

"Yeah," he echoes hollowly. All he wants is to sit beside her. Why is she shoving him so far away? "You, uh – you going to need a ride?"

Jade shakes her head silently.

"Okay," he croaks, shifting awkwardly. "So, uh - "

"Goodbye Robbie," she interrupts him blandly, still not looking up.

"Right," he says. "Right. I guess. I'll. See you later."

She doesn't say anything else as he backs up slowly and leaves her house.

* * *

After Jade chases him from her house – not physically, no, but her words have certainly sent him running – Robbie doesn't know where to go. He drives away from her house and parks about a block away and just sits there, stunned by his own stupidity, and the utter, utter madness that is Jade.

Where can he go? Who can he talk to? Beck – oh Jesus, he can't talk to Beck. Jade is his _ex-girlfriend_. He knows that. He's probably broken a thousand laws in the bromance code.

Cat is – probably the closest person to Jade. She's the one he should talk to, but he just can't bring himself to call her. He can't picture himself, sitting in Cat's pink bedroom, talking about Jade's feelings. Then there's Andre, who is probably the one out of the group who's dated the most. But Andre … God, Robbie doesn't even know where he'd _start_ if he were to ask Andre advice. He'd probably tell Robbie that he should have known better.

He drives to Tori's house.

It's nearly eleven by the time he gets himself into gear and manages to take himself across town again. All of the houses on her street are dark and silent as he passes them. There's a light on upstairs at the Vega household, and he notes that the rest of the house is dim as he furiously pounds on her front door.

Another light goes on upstairs, and Robbie knocks again, loudly and hopefully. A few minutes later he sees a light in the living room flicker on, and then slowly the front door creaks open a notch.

"Robbie?" Tori cries out finally, peering around the door at him. She's wearing a gigantic Bahamas t shirt and her hair is sort of frizzy and puffing out of her hair clip. "What are you _doing_ here? I saw your car … Are you – are you _okay?_"

"No, I'm not okay!" Robbie yelps. "Let me in, Vega! Let me in!"

Tori casts another doubtful and incredulous glance at him before stepping aside to let him into her living room. "What's up?" she asks, closing and locking the door behind him. "What's wrong?"

"I need you to help me not be in love with Jade anymore!" he cries frantically, flapping his arms at her.

Tori's mouth drops open. "Okay, _what?_" she says.

"Tori!" he hollers. "I'm going crazy! I can't deal with it anymore! It's been festering for months, and I'm just – she – she's _crazy!" _He pauses to take a breath. "_Crazy!" _he yells again.

"Robbie!" Tori hisses, grabbing him by the shirt collar and giving him a little shake. "My parents are asleep! Keep your voice down!"

"Sorry!" he squeaks, grabbing her arms and trying to wrench them from his collar.

Tori snatches up his arm and drags him over to the couch, where they collapse unceremoniously.

"Okay," she says, sounding bewildered and strained, rubbing her hand across her forehead. "So … what exactly is … what are you saying?"

"I love Jade!" he tells her in a frantic whispering tone.

"_I KNEW IT!" _Tori shouts gleefully, then claps a hand over her mouth, looking guiltily up at the ceiling. Robbie just gawps at her with his mouth open. She _knew_ it? And she didn't tell him he was freaking _insane_? Now she stares at him with intensity. "So what's been going on? What's been happening?"

"Nothing's been happening!" Robbie tells her rapidly. "Nothing's been going on! That's why I'm crazy! No, I'm not crazy. _She's_ crazy! CRAZY!"

"Okay, okay, Robbie," Tori soothes. "Just tell me what's been going on with you two."

"Nothing's going on!" Robbie cries again. "Well, there was that time that she kissed me in her kitchen. And the time that I kissed her in the diner parking lot. And when she slept at my house. And I slept at her house. Oh, and we sort of made out last night at Alyssa's party. Or Alice's. Or Annemarie."

"Wait, _what_?" Tori hollers in shock. "Robbie, _WHAT_?"

"_What?_" he yelps back.

Upstairs, the hall night clicks on. "Tori Vega," booms the voice of her father. A shadow appears on the top of the steps. "What are you doing? Do you have a boy down there?"

"Dad, it's just Robbie!" Tori yells up dismissively.

There's a pause. "Oh, all right," Mr. Vega calls down. "Just try to stop yelling, okay, Tor?"

Robbie feels oddly miffed. His mouth drops open again.

"Okay, Dad!" Tori yells. They watch the stairs until the shadow disappears and then the light goes out.

Tori turns to him and slugs him on the shoulder. "_Robbie Shapiro!_" she hisses. "You – _you!_ Oh my God! You freaking _Lothario!_ Robbie! I can't believe you kissed Jade _three times_! And you didn't tell me!" She punches him again. "What's wrong with you?"

"Tori, please stop hitting me!" he whines desperately.

She waves her fist at him threateningly. "You are going to sit here and you're going to tell me everything that happened, Robbie. Now!"

Robbie fidgets uncomfortably. "Well," he starts slowly. "I don't know where to start, really?"

"Try – oh, the beginning," Tori tells him pointedly. She glares at him. He flushes.

"Okay, well, I don't know – we've been hanging out so much since the summer, but I guess I liked her before. She got really mad at me for missing school - "

"Robbie, but you were with you sister!" Tori says sympathetically.

"Aw, cheese whiz, Tori!" Robbie cries. "You know I wasn't really on a soccer tournament! I'm just freaking crazy! I must be crazy! I love _Jade!_"

Tori frowns in confusion. "Wait, you weren't with Jessica? Where were you?"

"I was in the hospital!" Robbie yells, before he can help himself. "Because I'm _CRAZY!_"

"What?" Tori cries. "The hospital? What for?"

Peppercorns. Why can't she just accept that he's crazy and leave it at that? He sighs heavily.

"Do you remember when I was acting really weird last year?" he asks her.

Tori frowns. "Ye-ees," she says slowly.

"I mean – I mean I'm always weird," he rushes on. "But I was, like, I going through a lot of things, and I just, I - "

"Robbie, slow down," Tori commands him gently. She furrows her brow and scrubs at her failing ponytail. "Are you _all right?_"

"_Yes,_" he says. "I just, I, well – look, my dad is really sick, and I - "

"Your dad?" Tori asks in confusion. "I didn't … I mean, I didn't think … you still talk to him? Where is he?"

"He has Alzheimer's," he tells her. "Do you know what that is?"

"I think so," Tori says slowly. "That – _your dad?_" She just looks so confused and overwhelmed. "Robbie, how _old_ is your dad? I thought you had to be like in your sixties to get that."

Robbie chews on his lower lip. "Well, you do, usually." He explains to her about Early-Onset, and how his dad has been sick since before he was a teenager. He tells her about The Sterling Home. He tells her about Mrs Savidge and his fights with his sister and mother and how his mother was, or maybe is, or stopped, dating Billy.

"So that's who Bill is," says Tori wonderingly. Robbie remembers Jade having a similar reaction at the beginning of summer.

"Who else would Billy be?" he asks, a little irritably.

Tori raises her eyebrows at him. "No-one," she says quickly. "Never mind. Keep going."

He sighs. He tells her about how angry he had been at his mother. He tells Tori that he and his mother had never been close, not like her and her mom. He tells her about Mrs Savidge dying, and how he hadn't known for the longest time. "Oh, Robbie," Tori says sadly.

"I just felt really overwhelmed," he says. "Jade – I mean, I told Jade about my dad … sort of by accident. She was the only one who knew. But I couldn't tell her about – I mean, I just felt so, like, alone. And I felt so weird." He tells Tori that he still can't entirely remember those few weeks. He tells her about screaming at Jess and trying to use Rex more and more until he couldn't, and then he tells her about how he had gone and broke the bathroom mirror without even realizing what he'd done.

"Look," he says in misery, and pulls up his sleeve. The small scars that wind up past his elbows are still variations of pink and red. He wonders if they'll ever fade.

"Oh my god, Robbie!" Tori cries in distress. She grabs at his wrist to inspect them. "Oh my God. Are you all _right?_"

Her response is making him more than a little nervous. "Yes," he tells her again. He yanks his shirt sleeve. "I didn't _mean_ to do it."

Tori's brow is furrowed dangerously low. "Why didn't you tell us?" she asks sadly.

"I don't know," he mutters, blushing. "I mean, it's … kind of a lot, isn't it? I didn't … I didn't even know where to start. It all just, like, it all just builds up." He looks down at his jeans miserably.

"Yeah," Tori mutters contemplatively. She frowns at him again. "Robbie, you're one of my best friends. You can _tell_ me things. I would have tried to help you!"

"I know." He can't seem to do anything but mutter. It's really hard to look at her. He scratches absently at his wrist through the shirt. Tori peppers him with questions for a few minutes. What was it like in the hospital? Did his arms hurt? Was his mother upset? How was the food in the hospital? Could he even eat anything?

Robbie answers her as best as he can. She's exhausting him, but he feels better for telling her.

Eventually Tori shakes her head and then she sort of laughs. She still looks overwhelmed. "And oh my G_od_, you and_ Jade_! What's up with _that_?"

Robbie groans miserably. "Nothing. Nothing's up with that."

"Robbie!" Tori gives him a warning look. "Tell me what's going on!"

So he does. He tells Tori about him and Jade growing closer over their project last year, how she'd – he gives as few details as possible – told him about how she doesn't live with her mother. How he'd started to notice her more and more and how she eats all his food and just shows up in his room and how she'd kissed him when he'd been freaking out over the play. Kissing her again in the parking lot and how he stupidly couldn't think of the words to explain why and how angry she'd been. The way she'd looked when he'd finally given her her real Christmas present. Going to LA with Cat and Andre to see that awful movie. Throwing up all over her shoes and how she'd stayed up with him all night. How, last night, she'd just grabbed him and planted one on him.

Tori just, for the most part, listens in silence, giving out the occasional girly squeak when he guesses that she thinks he's said something particularly poignant. By the time she's finished, he swears Tori almost swoons. She clasps her hands together. He can almost see the little hearts forming in her eyes.

"_You guys are in love_!" Tori squeals.

"No!" Robbie is quick to tell her. "No no. Whatever I feel about her – she, well, she definitely doesn't feel that way about me. I just came from her house." He tells her about the brief conversation he's had with Jade.

"Hm," Tori frowns. "Sounds like Jade."

"Yeah," he agrees. Then he frowns, too. "Wait, what does that mean?"

"What did you really expect her to do?" Tori asks him. "Play a Seal song and fall into your arms?"

"In my head it was a Phil Collins song," Robbie tells her. "Maybe Bryan Adams."

Tori laughs. "Maybe she's scared," she says.

"Scared? Of what? No, I think she just hates me."

"Robbie! I_ really_ doubt she hates you." Tori pokes him in the arm. "Did she ever directly say she didn't like _you_?"

He can't really remember. "It was heavily implied."

Tori waves her hands about. "But you don't just_ kiss_ someone if you don't like them! Do you?"

"I don't know!" he cries back. "I mean, Jade's the only person I've kissed, and _I_ like her."

"D'awww." Tori smiles goofily at him.

"Please stop," he tells her. Then he looks at her sadly. "What am I going to do, Tori?"

Tori makes a sad face of her own back at him. "I really don't know," she says. "Do you think you can talk to her about it again?"

Robbie laughs. "Um, not if I want to live."

Tori frowns absently, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger. "Normally I'd be a lot more help, but you know I don't understand the first thing about Jade. Maybe just … give it a few days? Let's see how she acts this week."

He sighs. "All right." What else can he do?

Tori leans over and hugs him suddenly. "You are so dumb!" she says into his neck. Then she lets him go. "You keep me updated, you promise?"

"I promise," he tells her.

**AN: I wrote this rapidly this morning, which means ... maybe there will be a chapter to look forward to tomorrow as well. I had a really bad week, but I'm excited to be writing a ton again. Poor Robbie can't catch a break, can he?**


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

The next two weeks pass indeterminably.

On the Monday following what Robbie feels has been the best and worst weekend of his life, Jade slides into English just after the late bell rings. Their teacher shoots her a dark glance, but doesn't otherwise acknowledge her presence. Jade casually slips into her seat beside him as usual.

Robbie forces himself not to turn and stare at her. He swallows painfully and keeps his eyes on the teacher as she begins writing on the board. He takes notes diligently. He hasn't been able to show his face at lunch. He'd hidden in the back of the library, reading an old book he'd picked up. Tori had texted him throughout the period, updating him on what everyone was eating for lunch and what sort of faces Jade was making.

Class ends and Robbie fumbles for his books. He can't seem to move quickly enough. He drops his papers all over the floor. Jade loosely picks up a handful and hands him an old essay. She looks at him. She seems to be expecting something.

He doesn't know what she could possibly want from him.

"So," he croaks. "How … how was your Sunday?"

Jade smiles tightly at him. "Fine," she says.

"Fine," Robbie echoes. "Cool."

"Yeah," Jade says awkwardly. She shoulders her green bag. They avoid looking at each other. "What about you?" she asks her desk.

"Good," Robbie says hollowly. "It was good."

"Good," repeats Jade. "Cool." She bites her lip, lets her eyes flit over him once. "Well, I should … go." She takes one small awkward step back, away from him.

"Yeah," says Robbie dumbly. He's still gripping all of his papers in his fists. "Okay."

"See you," Jade says fadingly. She turns from him and she leaves. As she leaves, she takes all of his energy from him. Robbie leans heavily against his desk and sighs deeply. He gathers the rest of his things.

* * *

That first week is the hardest. Jade doesn't text him at all, and she certainly doesn't call him. He can't bring himself to text her, either – he doesn't know how she will react to it. He's been totally wrong about everything, it seems. On Tuesday, he forces himself to go to lunch. He sits beside Tori, who has Jade across from her now – she's arrived at the table at the same time as him, and also decided to chose a different seat. Tori makes stilted conversation between the two. The others – Beck, Cat, Alison, Andre – seem to sense something's up, but they wouldn't have a clue what.

He and Jade have awkward, short conversations before and after English class. They usually end when Jade abruptly tears out of the room, leaving Robbie breathless in the wake of the whirlwind that is her.

It hurts him.

Jade doesn't seem to be wavering, or in the process of changing her mind about claiming her love for him. She definitely isn't going to pull him into the broom closet beside Sikowitz's class and lick his brains out as 'Kiss From A Rose' plays from an unknown speaker in high quality.

"Would she _really_ play _that_ Seal song?" Tori asks him skeptically as they walk to their lockers at the end of last period that Thursday. "I mean – I've always thought that song was sort of morbid. And it's totally written from a guy's perspective. If anything, she'd play 'Love's Divine.' Don't you think?"

Robbie sighs tiredly as he puts his locker combination in for the third time. "Tori, can't you just let me have this one thing? Look, _she_ won't be playing the song. It will just be playing. It signifies our mutual desires."

Tori makes a strange choked sound. "Robbie, you know I love you, but _please_ don't talk about your mutual desires."

"Don't be mean to me, Tori," he mumbles absently, trying to remember if he needs to take his Physics book home before the weekend comes. "My heart can't take it."

"I'm sorry! But Robbie, I already listened to you talk about how you want her to _lick your brains out_. That's disgusting! Even if it's metaphorical. Actually, that might be even _grosser._"

Robbie sighs again. He decides to bring his Physics book anyway. He slams his locker shut and turns to look at Tori with a hang-dog expression. Maybe she'll feel bad and buy him a smoothie. She had yesterday. She she isn't paying attention to him now, looking over his shoulder with a weird look on her face.

"What?" he squawks, starting to turn, but Tori yelps and grabs at his arm.

"Nothing!" she says cheerily. "Not looking at anything, or anyone, or any group of people! Let's just walk, quickly! This way!" She tries to start pulling him down the hallway towards the school's exit doors.

"Tori, _stop,_" he whines, shaking her off. Tori is, like, the weirdest girl he knows. Aside from Cat. And aside from Jade. But still, that means she's pretty weird. He turns around so that he can see whatever it was that Tori apparently wasn't looking at.

Jade is coming down the hallway towards them. She's walking with Steve Strickland, and she doesn't look annoyed or pissed off. He's holding her green messenger bag for her, and they're talking and laughing like normal people. Kevin Vargas and two other lugs are trailing behind them.

"Oh," says Robbie stupidly. Tori makes a small desperate sound beside him.

When the group walks past Tori and Robbie, Jade catches his eye from a brief moment before the smile falls from her face. She sort of hunches her shoulders and starts to look away. She's wearing his grey hoodie.

"Jade?" he says before he can stop himself.

She's a few feet in front of him, her back already to him, and he knows how easy it would be for her to pretend not to hear him, to keep walking on, ignoring him. She's done it hundreds of times to Tori and to Beck.

But she actually does stop. He hears her heavy black boots squeak a little on the ground.

She sort of cocks her head up at Strickland, and says, "I'll just meet you outside."

He nods, handing her her bag. He and his band of losers continue walking and head out of the school towards the parking lot.

Jade turns around slowly. She's got that wary look on her face again.

"Yeah?" she says.

Tori makes herself very busy opening and peering into her own locker as though it holds the secrets of the universe.

Robbie swallows hard and takes a few steps forward so that he's only a few feet away from her. "I ah - " he says dumbly, then starts again. "What are you doing?"

Jade makes her unimpressed face at him. "Standing in the hallway talking to you," she says. If things had been normal, it would have made him smile. But it doesn't make him smile now. It doesn't make him give forth anything resembling a smile. He shakes his head.

"You – I mean – are you, you're going out with those guys?"

Jade shrugs, her eyes flickering away from him to glance after where the group of boys have gone. "We're going to hang out for a while."

"You – you shouldn't be hanging out with those kids, Jade."

Now she looks annoyed. "Oh yeah? Why not?" she challenges.

Robbie frowns at her and crosses his arms. She already knows how he feels about Steve Strickland and his gang of miscreants. Not that she would care about how he feels about them. Not that she cares about anything he feels. "They're bad news," he tells her, refusing to let himself feel dumb in her presence.

Jade rolls her eyes. "Oh chill out," she says. "It's just hanging. What are you going to do about it?"

"I - " he says, but she cuts him off before he can finish his sentence. He'd had no idea what to say anyway.

"You can't tell me what to do," she snaps at him.

"I know _that,_" he huffs, annoyed. "I wasn't trying to!"

"Well stop asking stupid questions!" she fires back at him, waving her arms in annoyance. The thousand keychains on her messenger bag clank together dangerously.

"They are_ not _stupid questions!" he says, sort of yelling now, probably. "You – _you're_ stupid!"

"_You're stupid!_" Jade hollers, and she shoves him, right there in the hall! It's not too hard of a push, but it's unexpected, and he staggers back a step or two. He stares at her with his mouth hanging open in shock. Nearly two years since she's caused him intentional body harm, and this is how it starts!

"You_ shoved_ me!" he cries, bewildered and indignant.

Jade glares at him hard for a moment, and he remembers exactly why, in freshman year, her glares had sent him running to the bathroom multiple times a class period. It's because she's absolutely terrifying. "I'll do more than shove you, Shapiro!" she yells. "Just leave me alone!"

She whirls away from him and starts stalking away, her boots clomping loudly on the tiled floor, signifying her anger. Her long hair flows behind her.

Robbie stares after her, furious and completely lost. "You better give me back my hoodie!" he yells. "It's Beck's!"

Jade turns around to glare at him again, walking backwards now. She must really want to get away from him. "_NO!_" is all she screams, and then turns again and shoves open the door leading out of Hollywood Arts. It slams shut after her and swings slightly as Robbie watches her stomp away.

Robbie just stands there for a few moments more and stares after her. His heart is pounding wildly. After a moment, he hears a quiet _clink!_ as Tori shuts her locker and comes to stand beside him.

"Oh my god," she breathes quietly. "I seriously almost had an asthma attack just now."

Robbie laughs at her, a little sadly, a little derisively. Tori hands him his bookbag, which he slides onto his shoulder. "You still think we're in love?"

Tori frowns and purses her lips, giving him a hesitant sidelong glance. "Thin line between love and hate," she says weakly.

* * *

Friday passes, mostly uneventfully. Sixth period, Jade takes her seat beside him. She's came in just before the late bell, and the rest of the class is milling around, reluctant to take their seats.

"I'm sorry that I shoved you," she says briskly, not looking at him.

"It's okay," he says, not looking back.

The bell rings. They take out their notebooks in silent tandem.

That weekend, he goes to Tori's house with Beck. The boys are appalled that Tori's never seen The Karate Kid. They take up her couch to watch it. Robbie sits in the middle, sandwiched between Beck and Tori. Tori's made a huge bowl of popcorn and is crunching on it happily. Robbie's a little surprised that she hasn't made herself mashed potatoes.

They're midway through the movie when Beck turns to him and says, "So, when are you going to ask my ex-girlfriend out?"

Robbie chokes on his soda and cola fizzles out of his nose. He coughs and sputters. Beck watches him with raised eyebrows.

Tori's suddenly very fascinated by the screen.

"You – I – what?" croaks Robbie, his throat burning. He coughs some more. Beck smiles his lazy smile, unconcerned.

"This movie is so great," Tori says loudly.

Robbie whirls on her. "_Tori!_" he shrieks. "You told him!"

"No I didn't!" yelps Tori. She stuffs an alarmingly large handful of popcorn into her mouth and chews vigorously, her eyes trained on the screen.

"She didn't tell me anything!" Beck declares. "I already knew! Well, most of it. Not the kissing parts. Or the Kiss From A Rose montage."

"Tori!" Robbie shrieks again.

Tori shoves more popcorn into her mouth. She looks massively guilty. "Mafwaaafwal," she says.

"What?" say Robbie and Beck.

"IT'SNOTMYFAULT!" Tori yells. "Everyone and their mother knows I can't keep a secret! And you're so _sad_, Robbie!"

"I am not sad!" Robbie cries.

"I think you're pretty sad, dude," Beck tells him gently.

Robbie moans in misery. "Please don't kill me, man," he begs, dropping his head into his hands. "I couldn't help it! And Jade kissed me first!"

Beck _laughs at him_. He _thinks it's funny!_

"I'm not mad, Rob!" he says.

Robbie peeps out at him through his palms. "You're not?"

Beck punches him on the shoulder. So much for not being mad. "Well, I'm mad you didn't _tell me_!" he says.

Robbie squeaks a little in pain. He rubs his shoulder. "I mean, you aren't mad that I like Jade?"

Beck looks at him like he's a crazy person. "No, Rob. I'm not mad. I mean, it's sort of weird, yeah, but I'm not mad. I've thought you liked her for a _while_."

"But … but she's your ex-girlfriend."

"Yeah," Beck says slowly. He's still looking at Robbie as though he's an escaped mental patient. "She's my _ex_-girlfriend. Not my _girlfriend_. We've been broken up for over a _year_, dude."

"I know that," Robbie says irritably. "But she's still your ex. You aren't mad at me?"

"No!" Beck waves his hands in the air in frustration. "Geez, Robbie! I want you to be happy!"

"Well I can't be happy!" Robbie says back.

"You could be happy," Tori points out. Robbie glares at her darkly, and she quickly eats more popcorn.

"She's right, Rob-Man!" Beck says. "So when are you going to ask Jade out?"

Robbie just stares at him. "Tori told you everything?"

Beck nods. "Pretty much."

"So then you know that Jade has already rejected me and apparently hates me now and can barely stand to be in the same English classroom as me _and_ is holding our grey hoodie hostage."

Beck looks highly affronted. "The hoodie from Pac-Sun? But I gave that to you!"

"I know!"

Beck growls. "She's gone _too far._"

"Oh, chill out," Tori hollers, leaning across Robbie to smack Beck in the shoulder. "Would you two _focus!_ This isn't about a sweatshirt!"

Beck stares at her in confusion for a moment before his face clears. "You're right," he says decisively. "This is about Jade and Robbie. How do we get Jade to love Robbie?"

"You can't get Jade to love Robbie!" Robbie cries.

"Shut up!" Tori and Beck tell him. Robbie leans back on the couch, chastised.

"Maybe flowers," Tori suggests.

"Maybe roses," Beck adds.

"Maybe candy," Tori says. "Chocolates?"

"Nah, this is Jade that we're talking about," Beck tells her. He brightens. "Maybe an animal skull!"

Robbie rolls his eyes. Like they haven't realized he's already thought about and dismissed all of these things. "It's hopeless," he tells them. "Jade doesn't want anything to do with me. Tori, you saw her with Steve on Thursday!" He hates the whining way his voice goes up at the end, but it can't be helped.

Beck's brows raise. "Steve? Steve who?"

"Strickland," Tori supplies.

Beck's mouth forms an 'o' and he lets out a doubtful breathe. "Man, he's hot," Beck says.

"I _know,_" says Tori.

"He's got that hair - "

"I know!"

" - and that smile - "

"I _know!_"

" - and that - "

"Not helping!" Robbie yells.

"Sorry," say his crazy idiot friends.

Tori finally pauses the movie (Mr Miyagi has just explained the significance of 'Wax on, wax off," to Ralph Macchio), and the trio moves to the Vega's kitchen where Beck and Tori can brainstorm more adequately. Tori starts peeling potatoes. Robbie rolls his eyes.

"Okay," says Beck. "So here's how you get her. Get yourself stranded on a desert island. Stay there maybe, oh, four years. You think she'll forget about you, but when you come back, you'll be super buff, and she'll fall right into your arms."

"Did you just twist the plot from Castaway?" Robbie demands incredulously. "Are you insane? Why would that ever work? Tom Hanks doesn't even get the girl in that movie!"

"Tom Hanks always gets the girl!" Beck yells threateningly, actually getting out of his chair to lean over the table and make a fist at Robbie, who cringes away. Robbie hadn't thought the scenario was worth yelling over.

"Guys!" Tori yells, and Beck glances at her guiltily before settling down.

"Okay," he says. "You just need to … like, impress her. Oh! You can join the Army. And then you can start a shrimping business with … oh, with Andre! Yeah! Jade's singing career will burn out, and she'll show up at your Momma's plantation one day. You can take her in and make a home for her there. One night, you can make sweet, sweet love to her - "

"_Beck!_" shrieks Tori, stunned. Robbie's mouth drops open again. That was a bit much for him as well. Anyhow -

"That's Forrest Gump!" he tells Beck, annoyed. "I'm _not_ retarded! My mom doesn't have a plantation! And again – Tom Hanks does _not_ get the girl in that movie! She _dies,_ Beck! She dies!"

Beck looks at him very grumpily. "He sort of got her," he says.

"Oh good lord," Robbie says, putting his head down on the Vega's kitchen table. "Just stop helping me."

They remain in the kitchen for another hour or so, coming up with plans and schemes for Robbie to woo Jade with. Tori eats her potatoes and is generally unhelpful. Robbie rejects the rest of Beck's suggestions, which are basically demented plots he's stolen from Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail, and Beck grows more and more frustrated.

"I'm going to set up a parental lock on your television in the RV," Robbie tells him. "No more Tom Hanks movies!"

Beck looks highly affronted. "You wouldn't_ dare_," he says. "Anyway, don't try to turn this around on me. What are you going to do, Rob-Man?"

Robbie throws his hands up from the thousandth time since they've been in the kitchen. "I don't know," he says. "Nothing, I guess."

Beck looks thoughtful. "Yeah," he says slowly. "Yeah! Let her come to you, Robbie. Let her stew for a while! That's a good plan, man."

Robbie and Tori exchange a look. Jade's been stewing for a week now and no progress has been made in Robbie's favor. But Robbie really doesn't want to know what other Tom Hanks movies Robbie can warp – geez, what else is there? _Philadelphia?_ No thank you, Denzel Washington – so he just smiles and nods fitfully.

Beck looks happy.

* * *

Monday morning is full of the same old chizz. Jade avoids him at her locker. Cat talks about her visit to the zoo. Tori and Beck keep giving him secretive, mournful looks at lunch. He and Jade have more painful, stilted, hesitant conversation during English class.

After school, his mom is home, and he helps her clean the living room (Mom is still paranoid about there being mice in the house, even though he and Jess have cleaned up the guinea pig droppings months ago and they haven't been back since). Cat comes over and he helps her go over her Sarah Lawrence application. Remaining true to Jade, even though she's horrible, Robbie refuses to let Cat illustrate her admissions essay. Mom gives Cat legal advice, who's been telling them about how her brother got pulled over for the third time with marijuana in his van.

"Cat, don't you drive that van too?" Robbie asks in alarm.

Cat laughs at him. "I wasn't in the car at_ the time,_ Robbie!" she chides him. Mom sends him an unimpressed glance. Cat smiles, unaware. She starts singing songs from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Halloween is soon, right around the corner, and Robbie doesn't have the heart to tell her that he thinks Nightmare is actually supposed to be about Christmastime.

On Thursday, Jade sits with Steve Strickland at lunch. Tori, Beck, and Robbie watch the table like a trio of hungry hawks. Strickland puts his arm around Jade, and Tori and Beck both squawk like they've been shot.

Andre furrows his brow at them. "What are you three _doing?_" he asks, as he covers his plate of a burger and fries in ketchup.

"Nothing!" says Beck.

"Reading," mutters Robbie.

"Homework!" Tori chirrups. Andre and Cat frown at each other.

Tori and Beck can cry out like wounded birds all thye want, but the one it hurts the most is surely Robbie. He sneaks sad and quick glances across the courtyard over at Jade. Strickland still has his arm around her, lazily, and Jade's drinking her soda and reading a book, looking blank. They don't – like, they don't look like they're in love or anything, but why is she just sitting there and letting him put her arm around him? Does she _like_ him now? Does she want to make Robbie jealous? Does she want him to vomit up his heart right here at the school?

She's the one who's said that she didn't like_ anyone. _And she's the one who's kissed him! Well, granted, he had kissed her beforehand, and had kissed her back, but – well – she _started it_! Why is she acting like it's all his fault? Why can't she just let things go back to normal, or some semblance of normal, or just - just pretend? He_ misses_ her.

As if she can feel his eyes on her, Jade glances up suddenly, and they lock eyes across the courtyard. He refuses to allow himself to look away, and they stare at each other for a long moment.

Jade is the one to break away. She turns her head, looking up at Steve. Robbie watches her red lips move as she says something to him. Steve laughs, and Jade smiles, and Robbie's heart falls right to the floor.

He can't. He just can't. He can't keep – mooning over her, watching her hopelessly, waiting for her to decide to come back to him.

After school lets out for the day, he marches down the west wing of the school. He has his target in sight.

"Rainah," he says, a little too loudly. The girl whirls around and knocks her elbow into her locker door. "Oh!" he cries. "I'm sorry!"

Rainah laughs a little bit, rubbing her arm. "Oh, that's okay," she says. "Clumsy."

"Sorry," he mutters again. Rainah shakes her head and smiles a bit at him.

"What's up, Robbie?"

"What's up? Oh – the sky. The ceiling. Airplanes."

Rainah cringes and gives him another tiny smile.

"God," Robbie says. "Wow, I am so sorry. That was so bad, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, a little bit," she chuckles. "Um … " she starts, just as Robbie says, "So … "

They both laugh again. "Sorry!" says Rainah. "Go ahead."

"Okay," Robbie says. He clears his throat. "Listen, I was just, you know, thinking, and - "

"Robbie, do you wanna go out sometime?" Rainah blurts out in a rush, before Robbie can finish his sentence.

He stares at her for a moment. His mouth is probably open again. Jade – he means Evil Demon! - has said it's one of his many faults.

"I …. sure," he says. "Yeah. Yes. Yes, I do. I was about to ask you!"

"Really?" Rainah's face breaks out in a pretty smile. She looks happy, and it makes Robbie feel good, even if he himself isn't particularly ecstatic.

"Yeah!" he tells her. "Of course!"

"Cool." Rainah beams at him. "This is so cool. I mean – sorry! Do you want me to give you my phone number?"

"Ah – yes!" Robbie says. "Yes, I do."

"Cool," says Rainah again. She writes it on the palm of his hand in black Sharpie.

"I … will call you this weekend," he says, smiling at her. He pounds his fist against her locker a little bit. "Maybe we can do something at the start of next week?"

"Sure," Rainah smiles. "That would be cool."

"Cool," Robbie says.

**Author's Note: So, a while ago, I told spinlight about the plans I had for this story, and he added to them, saying that Beck would try and give Robbie helpful hints on how to woo Jade, citing plotlines from Tom Hanks movies as guidance. I have no idea how I managed to include that, but I am very, very proud of myself.**

**even lovers drown, I like Richard Gere too.**


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

"Not part of the plan!" Beck is yelling as he stalks around his RV, waving his arms and knocking little trinkets off of his shelves and nightstands. "This is_ not_ part of the plan, Robbie!"

Robbie watches him pace from where he's sitting comfortably on the bed. "Could you calm down for just a minute?" he asks.

"No!" Beck yells at him, his voice all high and wavering. "I turn my back for a single second, Robbie, and you're asking out some other girl! How do you think that makes me _feel?_"

Someone listening in on them would think they were having a conversation about very different things. Ever since Robbie had told Beck about his potential date with Rainah, Beck had been screeching about broken trust and betrayals and loose women.

Beck can be very dramatic when he wants to be. Robbie rolls his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me!" commands Beck, who isn't even looking at him right now! How does he know?

"How did you know?" he squeaks.

Beck turns around and glares at him. "I know everything, Robbie Shapiro!" he says, pointing his finger in Robbie face, practically climbing on top of him of the bed to make his point known. "_Everything!_" he cries again for good measure. "I know that you're going to date and use this girl in some warped attempt to get over Jade."

"I am _not_ using Rainah!" Robbie squeaks.

Beck lowers his head and gives Robbie a significant and angry glance.

"Well, not on purpose!" he says. "_She_ asked_ me_ out!"

"Hm," says Beck loudly, sounding very unimpressed with him. It makes Robbie feel bad when Beck sounds like this.

He persists: "Hey, listen! Even if I wasn't heading to her with that intention, guy, a _girl_ asked me _OUT!_ How am I going to say no to_ that_?"

"But what about _Jade_?" Beck cries.

"What about Jade?" Robbie asks, giving an impassive tone of his own a try. Beck glares, and Robbie cowers slightly. "Jade is still, like, barely talking to me. She's probably out with Strickland right now! I don't … I don't know." He sighs heavily. "Maybe if she hears about me going out with Rainah, she'll, like, she'll get over it, and we can all just be friends again."

"I doubt it," says Beck.

Comforting.

* * *

And so the weekend goes by.

Late on Saturday morning, Jess is peeping through his doorway. He looks up from where he's sitting at his desk, surrounded by his Physics notebooks.

"Hey?" he says questioningly.

"Are you all right, Robbie?" Jess asks, looking sort of concerned. He's surprised to note she's already dressed, and has even combed her hair. Jess doesn't generally rise and start talking in full sentences before noon on the weekends. It's only just after ten o'clock.

"Sure," he says, somewhat bewildered.

Jess steps deeper into his room and looks at him, a tiny frown on her face. "Well, you're acting all – weird again."

"I am?" he asks, surprised.

"Yes!" Jess says. "You're all – like, all sad. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he says.

Jess purses her lips at him. "Do you ... do you want to go see Dad with me?" she asks in a small voice.

Robbie stares at her. "Really?" he asks.

Jess crosses her arms and looks at him, a strange combination of annoyance, hesitance, and fear on her face. "Yeah," she says softly. "I mean – I mean I haven't gone to see him in months. And don't you always go on Saturdays? I thought you'd be there already."

"Yeah, I - "_ I was planning on moping about Jade all morning,_ is what he decides not to say. "Yeah, I'm going to go in a bit. You _sure _you want to come?"

She nods fitfully. "Look, I already got dressed and everything," she tells him. She throws her arms out a little, as if she's showing him. She's got the black t shirt on that Jade has given her, the one with the green robot-dog on it. Robbie thinks it's from a TV show or something. Invader Zack? He doesn't remember. Well, whatever, it isn't important, anyway.

Sometimes he feels like his life is just a running line of somewhat obscure pop culture references.

Jess is a good sister. She goes and waits downstairs while Robbie gets dressed and combs his hair. He hasn't eaten yet, but he's never too hungry these days anyway. Maybe afterwards, they can go and get lunch somewhere.

At around quarter to eleven, Robbie's ready to roll, and they head out to his car. Jess plays one of the Radiohead CDs Jade's lent him as they wind through the town. He's going to have to return them, somehow, he thinks, as he listens to his sister sing along in a squeaky voice.

Dad is awake when they get to the Home, sitting down in the lobby, but he isn't really talking to anyone. Jess looks around awkwardly, but she doesn't try to leave the room this time. She sits carefully on the couch near Dad and swings her legs back and forth as Robbie makes stilted conversation with their father, exchanging pleasantries that Dad doesn't understand now, asking questions that the man can't answer. How are you?

_I don't know,_ Dad says, frowning.

They don't stay very long – maybe a half hour. Robbie can't take much more of it, and Jess looks increasingly upset as the minutes tick by and Dad doesn't acknowledge them. But she muscles through, and she stays, and he knows she would stay longer, if he'd wanted her to. If he'd asked.

He feels oddly proud of her. Doing things you don't want to for other people is what makes you a family, he thinks.

Jess is pensive as they trek slowly back across the car lot to Robbie's Civic.

"So he's getting pretty bad, huh?" she says in a small voice as he unlocks the car. Robbie murmurs a sad agreement, and they slide into their respective seats and fiddle with the seatbelts. "I didn't think he'd be so bad."

"It's all right," Robbie tells her, even though, well, it's not. What else can he say? "There's nothing we can do about it."

"Hm," is all that Jess has to say. She looks glumly out the window, her arms wrapped around her.

The siblings are quiet for a few moments, listening to the guy from Radiohead sing. Then, Jess, who has been looking increasingly distressed all throughout 'Karma Police,' bursts out in a rush, "Are you going to go all crazy and leave again?"

"_What?_" cries Robbie, trying not to swerve on the near-deserted road. "What – no! You – why would you think that?"

Jess looks upset and nervous. She rapidly twirls a lock of her light-brown hair around her finger. "Well, you're all – _sad!_ Sad! If it's not Dad … I mean, it's always Dad! What else are you upset about?"

"I'm not sad about anything!" he yelps, feeling like a horrible person. He doesn't mean to make her worry. Certainly not about trivial things like this. "I'm not – I"m not sad." Jess just continues to stare at him, looking highly agitated, until he finally yelps out, "And Jade's being a _jerk!_"

Jess's eyes briefly nearly bug out of her head. She stares at him in shock and confusion. Then her face smooths out a bit, and she gives him a small, sad, and knowing smile. "Oh," she says, "a lover's quarrel."

"Oh, shut up!" he says, allowing himself to take one hand off the steering wheel to shove her lightly. "_Lovers._ You watch too much television!"

Jess laughs a little bit, getting happy again. "Tori let me borrow her Dawson's Creek DVDs when she was here this week!" Oh, wonderful. So that's why he had kept hearing that stupid song playing on – what had it been? Wednesday night?

"Hmph," says Robbie.

Now Jess looks interested. "So you've just been having stupid girl problems?"

"They are not stupid!" Robbie tells her.

"Hmph," says Jess. She puffs out her chest a little, which is disturbing, since she's sort of starting to get boobs. "Robbie, I can help you. I am a_ girl,_ after all."

"You aren't a girl!" he says, distressed. "You're a sister!"

Jess rolls her eyes at him. "Oh, shut up." Robbie can't help but laugh a little.

On the rest of the way home, Jess pesters him a bit more about Jade. She manages to wean some of the story out of him, but he won't let himself give her many details – just that he likes her, and she apparently doesn't like him back.

"She doesn't?" Jess asks, crestfallen. "Are you sure? Did you give her the necklace?"

"Yes I gave her the necklace!" Robbie snaps.

Jess frowns some more. "But you went to parties together, Robbie! Like, two of them! Doesn't that make you boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Not outside of Dawson's River, or whatever," he tells her.

Jess huffs. "_Creek_, Robbie! And that's not what the town is called anyway! It's _Capeside_! You know what, I bet Jade is just playing hard to get – just like the girl in the show! Maybe you should buy her a wall. Ooh! Take her sailing! I was just watching this episode - "

Sister successfully distracted. Robbie listens to her chatter happily.

* * *

On Sunday night, he calls Rainah, and they talk for nearly twenty minutes. It's easy and it's nice. Rainah doesn't care that he can't eat gluten or dairy. They talk about school and the kids they're tutoring and science. Rainah likes biology just like him! They confirm their plans for Tuesday night. They both agree that Michael Keaton is the best Batman. Isn't that cool?

"Isn't that cool?" Robbie asks. "Tori, isn't that cool?"

It's Monday now and the day has just started. He's driving Tori to school as he usually does on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays (they have a system now – Cat gets Tori on Wednesdays and Thursdays) , and she had asked him what he'd done over the weekend. So he'd told her about the phone call he'd made to Rainah.

Tori's face had gotten weird.

"I guess so," she says doubtfully. Robbie feels affronted. Does she not feel the same way about Michael Keaton? Perhaps she liked the Val Kilmer movie. But he hopes not.

"What's wrong?" Robbie asks, praying, please, don't let it be Christian Bale.

Tori frowns all over his car. "It's just – Robbie, do you really think you should be asking out some new girl when you still have feelings for Jade?"

"Oh," he says dismally.

"_Oh?_" cries Tori. "And Beck says this girl actually _likes you_! Which - firstly, I mean, _yay!_, but, man, _Robbie!_"

"I know, I know," he says, distressed too. "But what else am I supposed to do, Tori? I can't just sit and wait around for Jade for forever."

"I know that," says Tori, looking upset. "But you … just be careful, okay? Do you want to hurt Rainah?"

"I'm not going to hurt Rainah!" he says. Tori and Beck are like a freaking parrot chorus.

"Hmm," says Tori pensively. She frowns at him the rest of the way to school. "And Christian Bale is the best Batman," she says decisively. Robbie sighs.

When they get out of the parking lot, Tori immediately zooms over to Beck, and they start whispering with each other, casting dark glances over to Robbie occasionally. He rolls his eyes and gets his textbooks out of his locker. Andre finds him, and they head off to Guitar Theory together. They've got two songs written, but no lyrics. Andre wants to write a love song, which Robbie is vehemently against.

The day passes. Rainah beams at him in the math lab, and he smiles back. She teases him for his chicken scratched handwriting when he writes their equations onto the whiteboard, and they chat back and forth about where they should go on Tuesday. Robbie doesn't really have the first idea about where to take girls, so he invites her to Nozu. He'll pick her up and everything.

Rainah looks happy. "I've never been there before," she tells him.

"You're in for a treat, milady," Robbie says, thinking of Mrs. Lee. Rainah giggles. It's a nice sound. The freshman squawk and squibble at them to stop flirting and pay attention to them! _Flirting! _Robbie thinks. _Him! With a girl! _

At lunch, Tori tells Cat, Andre, and Alison all about Robbie's date. Beck looks angry still, as well as weirdly jealous. Robbie's sort of miffed. Beck isn't supposed to be the one affected by this!

"You're taking her to Nozu?" he demands, as Jade eats her pizza impassively beside him, not speaking. "But _we_ go to Nozu."

"Everyone goes to Nozu," Robbie protests.

Cat looks dreamy. "This is so exciting!" she tells him. "Robbie and Rainah. Rainbie!"

Andre is beaming too. "I knew this day would come," he says to Robbie happily. "Eventually. I pictured it happening after college though, when we have a swinging bachelor pad together."

Robbie is touched. Andre wants to be his roommate? "Wait, I don't get a girlfriend until college?" he asks.

"_After_ college," Andre tells him. "You're focused on your studies. And you're my wingman. Haaave you met Andre?" He beams some more.

"You better not get the sushi platter with her," Beck gripes irritatedly. "That's _our _dish, Robbie. You better not buy her the mango iced tea!"

"Oooh, buy her the mango iced tea!" squeals Cat. "If I were on a date, I'd want the boy to buy me the mango iced tea." Beck looks at her in annoyance.

"I thought you didn't like iced tea." Andre furrows his brow at her.

"I _don't,_" says Cat. "Silly. That's not the point."

"Oh," says Andre. He appears to think about it, rubbing his jawline with his fingers. "Yeah, you're right, Cat. Totally not that point."

They are weirdly suited for each other, Robbie thinks, if they can both follow that logic. He wonders if they'll start to go out again.

"Do you like iced tea?" Robbie asks Rainah as he's walking her to her locker after school. Their last classes are right next to each other, and it seems like the gentlemanly thing to do.

She gives him a sort of weird look. "Does anyone not like iced tea?" she asks.

Jade doesn't, he thinks, but doesn't voice. She always drinks soda that comes in gross flavors, like grape and pineapple. He still doesn't know where she and Cat find the stuff. Sometimes they order weird things online, like five pounds of chocolate covered potato chips, and cereal that's been out of stores for years. Cat's father has an Amazon store card.

"Just curious," he says.

Rainah laughs and gives him another look as she opens her locker and starts to put her books away. "Has anyone told you that you're sort of weird, Robbie?" she asks.

"Once or twice," he tells her, grinning. Rainah puts the rest of her books away and they chatter together for a few minutes until Tori finds them and comes up behind them, scaring Robbie.

Tori and Rainah giggle at him a little as he gasps and wheezes slightly. He clutches his chest and they laugh some more. These girls! Scaring him into an asthma attack is no laughing matter. Jade's the only other person aside from his mom and sister that knows how to use his epi pen. _That_ had been an interesting dinner at the West household last year.

They part ways. Robbie tells Rainah that he'll pick her up promptly at six-thirty, and he and Tori head to his car.

"Promptly at six-thirty, huh?" Tori says, grinning. "Gee, Robbie, you guys might not even get home until after nine! You stud! _You daredevil_!"

"Oh shut up," he says, cuffing her playfully on the shoulder. Tori laughs again. At least she doesn't look mad at him anymore.

"You and Rainah look all cute together," she says.

"We do?" he asks doubtfully. He hadn't thought he could look cute with anyone.

"Yeah!" says Tori. Then she gives him a dark look. "Though I hate to admit it. Since I know that you're using your bespectacled ways for evil."

Okay, so maybe still a little mad.

"It's just dinner," he tells her.

Tori rolls her eyes. "Yeah, I know," she says. "I'm just teasing you, mostly."

They get to Robbie's car and Tori happily takes the front passenger side, sweeping some of Jade's CD cases off of the seat. "Are you ever going to give these back to Jade?"

"She can have her Hole back when she gives me my jacket," Robbie says.

Tori wrinkles up her nose. "_Ew,_ Robbie," she says.

"It's a band!" he protests. Tori look very unimpressed with him. She changes his radio to the local pop station and turns it up, singing along happily. Tori isn't a morning person, but she is an afternoon person.

Robbie drops Tori off at her house, then takes the twenty-and-some-odd-minutes back to his house slowly. He's got Cat coming over to help him pick out an outfit, but she's staying late at school to work on her own outfits for her Costume Design class.

He gets home and Jess and two of her girl friends from her team are kicking a soccer ball around in the front yard, shrieking and diving. It makes him feel good to see them. Jess usually prefers to go to other people's houses and spend time there, rather than bring them home. Another way she's like him. He's only just realized.

He jumps over his little sister who has her face in the flower garden. "Date tonight!" he sings out, climbing the porch steps.

Jess lifts her head from the ground. She has dirt smears all over her face. Lucky Beck isn't here to see, he thinks. "_What?_" she shrieks.

Robbie disappears into the house and runs upstairs to hide before she can pester him more. He hears her shriek again in excitement behind him. Wait til she finds out it's not with Jade.

"It's not with Jade?" Jess cries out in dismay five minutes later, after she's broken into and cornered him in his room.

"It's the girl I tutor with at school," Robbie tells her, amazed that her huge brown puppy-eyes are actually succeeding in making him feel somewhat guilty. As if he could will Jade to go on a date with him using just the powers of his mind! "Rainah, remember? From Matheletes."

Jess wrinkles her nose. "Oh, Rainah. _Rainah!_ What sort of name is that?"

"It's a nice name!" he tells her. He lays another sweater out on his bed. He doesn't really want Cat to ransack his whole room, though she probably will anyway. "What's wrong with 'Rainah'?"

"Nothing, I _guess,_" says Jess, her mouth still curdled like she's drank sour milk. "Robbie and Rainah. _Gross!_"

He can't help but laugh a little. Jess shifts from foot to foot and gets dirt from her soccer cleats all over his clean rug. Eventually she heads back downstairs to her friends, wishing him good luck, "Even though I don't want you to have fun!"

Cat comes over at a little past five, parking her car up the curb and very narrowly missing crashing over Jess and her friends. She kicks their soccer ball around with them, looking ridiculous in her heels and pink jeans, until Robbie gives up and comes outside to remind her that he exists.

"Sorry!" she trills, giving the soccer ball a final flimsy kick and sending it skidding into their neighbor's yard. Cat trots across the yard and jumps up the porch steps to meet him. "Hi hi! You excited?"

"I think so," he says, as she wraps her arm around his waist and drags him inside, giggling. Up the stairs, down the hall to Robbie's room. Cat whirlwinds around his bedroom, poking at sweaters and shirts and threatening to throw his clip-on tie out the window and laughing uproariously when he attempts to corner her and snatch it back out of her hand.

Cat wrinkles up her brow and says, "You really want to wear long sleeves?" Robbie affirms, so she narrows it down to a choice of three shirts: his grey button-down, his brown sweater, his other sweater that is blue-and-grey striped.

"What's wrong with my orange sweater?" he demands, looking sadly to where she's stuffed it in his closet.

Cat turns up her nose. "Nothing," she says airily, then gives him a little look out of the corner of her eyes. "Just everything."

"It _warms_ my_ complexion!_" he insists, and he feels good when Cat throws her head back and laughs, even though, yeah, it's sort of him she's laughing at. Cat putters about and finally picks a pair of jeans out for him.

"_Not _your skinny jeans," she says firmly.

Cat trots back downstairs and commences practicing her soccer skills with Jess and her friends as Robbie gets changed into his brown sweater. He's glad Cat is easily fobbed off by his excuses of always being cold. He's going to have to show her his arms eventually though, and Beck and Andre too. He can't hide them forever. Maybe once they fade a bit more - if they ever do. Robbie has _bruises_ that have scarred! He hadn't even know that was possible.

Just before six, he sees Cat off, and pesters his sister for a bit about what she's going to have for dinner. One of her girlfriend's parents is going to pick them up soon and take them out for pizza. Slightly jealous at the thought of eating cheese, Robbie says goodbye to her, and heads off in his car to pick up Rainah.

Her house is somewhat close to Tori's, so he knows the area a little bit. He rings the doorbell at precisely six twenty-five. A few moments later Rainah answers. She's changed from her school clothes, too, looking pretty in a fairly modest green dress. Brown and green. They match, like a forest.

"Hey," Rainah grins at him, then ducks expertly as a Nerf ball sails past where her head would have been into the front yard. She turns to yell: "Tyler, can you stop for _two_ minutes?" Turning back to Robbie, she smiles a little and rolls her eyes. "My brother. He's annoying."

"I didn't know you had a brother," Robbie says.

"Yeah – he and my sister are twins. Tyler and Maggie. They're … loud. I'd invite you in, but – well, I don't want to." She laughs, and Robbie smiles. "They're pains – they're twelve."

Almost Jess's age, he tells her. They walk down the porch steps and to the car, comparing sibling stories. Rainah's beat out Robbie's, he thinks.

At Nozu, Robbie pulls her chair out for her like a gentleman, and she laughs and beams at him. They pour over the menu and discuss their options, finally settling on, yes, the sushi platter. Robbie's phone vibrates about every two minutes – Beck checking up on him. Wisely, Robbie doesn't tell him about the sushi platter. He and Rainah both get the mango iced tea.

He marvels, yet again, at how easy it is from him to make conversation with Rainah. He doesn't have to worry about angering her and having her throw sushi rolls into his hair. They talk about their families – well, Robbie demurely mentions his mother, and Rainah tells him about her mother and father, her crazy uncle who lives with them, her annoying siblings.

They talk about school – they discuss their freshmen's progress and Robbie tells her about what it's like to have been in Sikowitz's class for three years. Rainah is in orchestra with Alison, and knows her a little bit, so they chat about her and Beck for a short while.

"His hair is so, like, perfect," Rainah says. "It's disturbing. You know him – does he spend like an hour getting it to look like that?"

Robbie sighs, exaggeratedly sad. "No. It just falls like that. He says he's imbued with the soul of John Stamos."

Rainah giggles at him and she sips her iced tea. She doesn't slurp obnoxiously into her glass when it's empty like Jade would, hinting at him that she needs a refill. They split the last California roll. Once their plates are gone, they remain at the table for a while longer, finishing their tea and making idle chat about homework and the new car Rainah is saving up for.

He drives Rainah home and she rolls the windows down and sings along to the pop radio, as Tori had. Her voice is pretty good. She doesn't smoke and she doesn't curse. Her long strawberry hair flies everywhere. It smells like coconuts.

It's dark now, so he walks Rainah back up to her front steps, to be safe. He realizes he's set himself up for something dangerous, though, and the pair looks at each other somewhat awkwardly as she edges the door open and hesitates. He sorts of leans in, sees the flash of her brown eyes. He gives her a half hug that she returns, and he kisses her on the cheek, hoping he's not being disappointing. She doesn't look upset though, beaming up at him.

"I had a lot of fun, Robbie," she says, smiling, leaning against the doorframe.

"Me too," he says. "I did too."

Rainah smiles again. When she smiles, her nose always crinkles a little bit, making you notice the splash of freckles across her cheeks and nose. "I'll see you at school?"

"Definitely," he says. "Totally."

She goes inside and he trots down the porch steps and heads back to his Civic. He takes the time to glance at Jade's CDs littering his car's floor before he turns the radio back up.

The night had been nice. Really, it had been perfectly nice.

**Author's Note: Wow, I barely mentioned Jade at all in this chapter, didn't I? I'll make up for it in the next one. At first it was hard to start this chapter, but then it somehow got even longer than the past few, so I wasn't able to squish in the scene I wanted between Jade and Robbie. So, next time. This was a fun, mostly light chapter to write. I have a lot of fun writing Robbie and his sister. I'm glad I made up a fictional sibling for him - he needs it.**


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty**

It's Saturday night – Sunday morning, really, and Robbie's deep in a dream about solving a mystery in a haunted house with Beck and, weirdly, Laura from Little House on the Prairie. Even in the dream, it's weird. As Beck opens the trap-door in the dusty shadowy living room, music starts radiating throughout the house, seemingly pouring through the walls:_ Girl you're my angel, you're my darling angel. Closer than my peeps you are to me, lady -_

Then he's waking up, the dream-colors blurring away, dizzy, and he realizes that his phone is ringing. He understands that someone is calling him – that _stupid_ ringtone! - and grasps for his phone in the near-dark. He falls out of bed.

"Jade?" he gasps into his phone, his heart thudding from the suddenness of awakening and his head hurting from where he'd thumped it on the nightstand, but his phone is only smooth and silent and gives him no reply. The screen goes dark in his hand. He taps on the screen and frowns at it: _One missed call from Jade O West_.

He calls her back without even thinking of it. It's past one in the morning. She must need him for something.

Her phone goes to voicemail after six long rings, and he squawks a little bit, pulling it from his ear to glare at it, as if that will do something, and then he dials her number again. This next time she answers on the second ring. The phone hisses and crackles (stupid PearPhones! Aren't they supposedly known for their good reception?), and he hears her say: "Robbie?"

Honestly. It's pretty embarrassing, how good it feels to hear her say his name after two more weeks of near-silence. Even when she sounds all wavering and hesitant as she does now.

"I missed your phone call," he says dumbly. He wants to say, _Are you all right? How can I make you all right?_ Still, after an entire month of coldness.

"Yeah, I hung up early," Jade says in that weird voice. She sounds like she's on Antarctica. She sounds a million miles away. There's a long pause as she falls quiet again and Robbie's licking his lips and thinking of what to say to her. But she beats him to it: "I woke you up," she says.

"No, you didn't," he lies, and there's just static-y silence from his PearPhone. "Only a little," he amends.

"Sorry," Jade says. "I - " she falls silent again.

Robbie shifts his phone to the other ear, stretching his legs out in the comforting darkness of his room. He isn't worried about knocking into something, isn't scared of monsters anymore. He no longer needs the hall light. Everything's in its place. "Jade?" he asks.

"Nothing," Jade says dismissively. "I shouldn't have called you. I don't know why I – sorry. I'm just going to go."

"Don't!" he bursts out before he can stop himself. There's more silence, but a sharp crackle from his phone lets him know that she hasn't hung up. Very faintly, tinnily, he can hear – maybe music? Then the far-away sound of someone shouting in the distance. "Where are you?"

There's another very long pause, in which Jade makes a small noise, and the phone hisses a lot, like she's moving around. Finally, she grudgingly says, "Franklin."

"_Franklin?_" yelps Robbie. "Franklin! That's like an hour away! What are you doing in _Franklin_?"

More static. "I went to a party," he hears Jade say, sounding reluctant. "Strickland left, like, right away – wasn't his scene. I just got into a fight with Vargas, who I guess was my ride home. I so - " she falls silent again, then sighs. "Should not have called you. I. I'm going to find a bus stop."

"Have you been drinking?" he demands.

"I'm always drinking," she replies. He rolls his eyes. Flippant. Typical. "Robbie, just – go back to bed, okay? I'm_ sorry_."

"Ah, don't be sorry," he says. His head is spinning a little bit. He'd been dead asleep. "Jade, you can't take a bus home. How are you even going to _find_ a bus home?"

"Don't know," she grumbles.

"Where are you – I mean, what street are you on?" He's standing up and kicking his flip flops on already. When she doesn't respond for a long time, he says, "I'll come and get you."

"No," she says.

"No?" he says. "No _Avenue_? No _Lane_? You just told me you're stranded out in the woods and it's past midnight. I'm coming to get you."

"Oh, I am not in the woods!" Jade hisses resentfully.

"And if you don't tell me what street you're on, I'm just going to have to drive up and down Franklin, like, for hours, maybe running over pedestrians - are there even any of those in Franklin? - maybe running over cows, turkeys, until I find you, and I'll be crabby, and hungry, and - "

"_Jesus!_" moans Jade. "God, stop talking, please!"

Robbie smiles. He waits.

"Locust," Jade grunts.

"_What?_" he says.

Jade sighs heavily. "I'm on Locust Street. Locust and Fourteenth. It's not a big neighborhood."

"Okay," Robbie says. His PearPhone lights up and he puts her on speakerphone and programs her location into the map application he has on his phone. "I'll be there in about an hour and seven minutes."

"Sorry," says Jade again. There's another crackle from his phone, like she's shifting positions, and she doesn't hang up on him, even though there's really not much else to say.

"It's okay," he says. "I'll be there soon. Try not to talk to Vargas, he's stupid."

"Okay," says Jade, and he would like to think he can hear the smile in her voice. But that's just wishful thinking.

Once he's in his car and on the road, he lets his mind wander. It's a lot of long miles on the interstate before he'll hit the exit for Franklin, so he allows himself to think of Jade. He hasn't been letting himself do that for the past two weeks. Outside of English class, they've barely talked at all.

Sometimes she still sits with their group at lunch, but more often than not, she's missing in action, and so is Steve Strickland. Robbie sees them together a lot in the halls of Hollywood Arts. Always just talking, or walking together in silence; sometimes he has his arm around her. He supposes she's found a replacement for him. He hasn't seen them kissing, thank god – he'd feel badly for the janitor that would get stuck cleaning up the mess of his exploded heart – but he feels like they must be, somewhere, sometimes. What else can they be doing? Why else would they spend so much time together?

He's gone out with Rainah three more times since their initial date on that mid-October Tuesday, and each date has been fine, yeah, a really good time. They've gone to the movies and out to eat again. They watched a movie at his house. They went out to the arcade with Cat and Andre. Rainah was the Pak-Rat champion. At the arcade, he had held her hand. She had laughed and smiled and told stupid jokes that had made _him_ smile and she gets on so well with Tori and Cat.

He doesn't know how long he can keep doing it.

It's not fair to her. It's not fair to himself. He wishes he didn't know Jade, that he still feared her completely instead of now having it tinged with want. He wishes that he didn't know her favorite movies, know her favorite _quotes_ from them, wishes he didn't remember the shape of the small birthmark on her back and on her ankle and the way her mouth will curl when he's said something she's liked and she's trying not to show it.

He's so far gone, he thinks. He's over the moon, but not in a good way. Why can't he want anyone else? At this point, it would be easier to fall hopelessly back in love with - with Cat, for God's sake. And Rainah is so good – they have so much in common, and she's pretty, too. Even Beck had said so, grudgingly, furtively.

Instead it's Jade, just Jade, who screams just as often as she speaks, who will take food right out of his hand to sample it and then deem it gross, who always asks him with great interest if he's having a reaction to the air or the food or – you know, anything in life, because she's just waiting for a chance to stab him in the leg with his adrenaline pen.

Or, well, she was. Now she's none of those things, really.

He's been sulking for longer than he realized. Before he expects it, a green sign flashes before him, warning him that the exit for Franklin is approaching. He turns his blinker on, even though the headlights behind him seem miles away, and turns to the right-hand lane to merge off. He turns his radio all the way to low so that he can hear his PearPhone's directions more clearly.

He takes the ramp off the exit – it is too the woods! He drives past a long grove of trees, taking a series of left-hand turns, as the PearPhone instructs him. He drives past a series of empty fields, leftovers from summer crops. It sort of creeps him out, since the last movie he had watched with Jade had been Children of the Corn. He keeps his eyes peeled for scary little kids, but luckily there are none.

Eventually the fields give away to some dark buildings, then a dimly lit gas station and a tiny convenience store. He stops in quickly and buys a few bottles of water. He throat is amazingly dry. The lady at the checkout counter – an older woman with tired eyes and limp blonde hair pulled back tightly – gives him an unimpressed look, taking in his Galaxy Wars pants and his too-small white shirt, his unzipped orange sweater that's sort of wrinkled. He probably should have changed before he left the house.

"Do you know where Locust Street is?" he asks her regardless.

The lady gives him another sluggish glance. "Keep going down for another mile, turn left," she tells him. He's taken so many lefts he should be back in Northridge by now, he thinks, but doesn't say anything. He pays for his waters, thanks her, leaves.

He comes to the end of the road, as she had said. When he turns left, a jumble of houses pull into his view. An actual neighborhood. He'd been worried that Jade really would be sitting out in the middle of the woods. He drives down the street slowly, looking for her. He passes a large sprawling house with a lot of lights on, hearing music pound from outside of his car. Is this the party house? He drives by slowly, intending to double back around at the end of the block. Perhaps Jade had gone back inside. He really isn't looking forward to the thought of going in after her. If he could -

He's at the end of the block when he spies her – a white ghost in all black, sitting on the front steps of a dark house. He almost drives up the curb, surprised. He rolls down his window slowly, intending to get out of the car in another few seconds.

"Jade?" he calls hesitantly, and the ghost looks up. She gives him a small wary smile, standing up. She dusts off the knees of her dark pants before heading to her.

"Hey," she says, as he starts to open his door. "It's cool – I'll come around." She crosses in front of his car, briefly washed in the bright beams of the Civic's headlights. Her hair is long and tangled. He spies shocks of blonde and maroon in it – new highlights. She comes around and opens the passenger door, stares at him sharply for an odd moment before slipping inside. Before she closes the door, he can hear the loud scream of music, thumping, even though it's several houses away.

Jade closes her door and slumps down in her seat, looking strangely and impossibly small. She seems afraid to look at him. She brushes her hair back from her face – he gasps and grabs at her arm.

"Jade!" he cries. "What happened?"

There's a long dark line down the top of her forearm, weeping a tiny bit with blood. She lets him hold her arm for a moment, staring at him stare at her. Then she tugs it from his grasp.

"I told you I got into a fight with Vargas," she says.

"Did he _hurt you?_" Robbie cries, appalled. If he has -

Jade rolls her eyes. It's good to see that some things don't change. "No," she says. "I threw a bottle at him. There was glass everywhere. He's such an ass."

"I could have told you that," he grumbles, putting his car into reverse so he can back up and turn back down the street.

Jade looks out of her window at the lit-up house as they pass it. "I know," she says. "You did."

Well.

Jade wraps her arms around herself as he heads back down Locust, shivering. It's cold tonight, two days before Halloween, and she isn't wearing a jacket, or perhaps she's left it inside. Jade's always leaving her things at parties. "Are you cold?" he asks, pausing to park at the stop sign.

Jade makes a noncommittal noise, which means yes. He unhooks his seatbelt and wriggles around to take off his orange hoodie. He pulls it up over his head and it crackles with static, nearly pulling his t shirt with it, too. He doesn't care. When he emerges from the sweater, Jade's looking at him with a weird expression. Impressed by his ribcage, probably, but he doesn't feel like he has the energy to joke with her. She wordlessly takes the sweater from him, wrapping it around her.

"I won't keep this one," she tells him.

He smiles a little. She hates orange. He wonders if he has worn this one on purpose somehow. "I know," he says, shifting out of park to continue down the dark street.

Jade tightens the sweater around her and clears her throat a few more times as they continue driving. Before he hits the interstate, Robbie says, "Oh!" and hands her a bottle of water that's sitting in the cup holder behind his console. If she's been drinking, she might be dehydrated.

"Thanks," she says, giving him another weird look.

"Sure," he says. "Got to keep your fluids up."

He expects her to roll her eyes, but she doesn't, just keeps looking at him – a little sadly, maybe. It's sort of unnerving. He merges back onto the deserted interstate. It's after two now.

"Shit," Jade mutters, a few minutes later. "I'm bleeding on your sweatshirt."

"It's okay," he tells her.

"Hm," Jade says, leaning back to rest her head against her seat. "Well, now we match."

"That's not funny," he tells her sadly. "Are you cut very badly?"

"No," she says. "It hurts, though."

"I have a first-aid kit in my trunk," he offers.

Jade waves a hand dismissively at him. "It's okay."

"Drink your water," he tells her. She does. They're quiet for a few moments more, the only sounds that of Jade's water bottle crinkling, the heat from the vents roaring over them, and oddly, the sound of her sniffling.

"Are you okay?" he asks finally, waiting for her to get mad. "What happened?"

She doesn't get mad, though she does roll her eyes again. "Nothing, really. It's stupid. I should have left with Steve when he did. All those kids are drug addicts. I don't think I could have driven home with Vargas, any way. He was so wasted."

"Ew," says Robbie.

Jade wrinkles her nose up. "Yeah, ew."

"What did you argue with him about?" Robbie asks, fearful of her answer.

"Stupid shit," Jade says dismissively.

"Oh."

"Yeah," she says, and falls silent again. "I won't hang out with them again."

Good, he thinks.

Robbie drives, and he sneaks glances of her when he can. The smooth lines of her face, her big blue eyes, unmarked, now, without their usual coat of dark eyeliner. Her collarbones poking out of her low-cut black t shirt. The rest of her, swimming in his orange sweater.

"Thanks for getting me," she says finally.

"Of course," he says.

"I would have been stuck otherwise," she says.

"Maybe," he agrees, a little uncomfortably. He doesn't know what else to say.

She glances over at him suddenly, sharply, and he swerves a tiny bit on the road, then looks out into the darkness furtively, trying to pretend he hasn't. "Why are you so nice to me?" she asks him.

He concentrates on the white dotted lines of the road flying by. "You're my friend," he says.

Jade snorts a little derisively. "I've been treating you like shit for weeks. You know I have."

He shrugs. "So what?"

"So you shouldn't put up with it. You shouldn't deal with it."

Robbie shrugs again, nervous. He chews his lip. So she does know how she's been acting. "I don't mind," he lies.

"You should mind," she retorts, crossing her arms around herself again, pulling his sweater tightly against her frame. "When have I ever done anything for you?"

"You do a lot for me," Robbie tells his steering wheel.

Jade shrugs. He hears the passenger seat creaking a lot as she shifts around. "Not lately," she says gruffly. "Why do you – still care so much? Why are you so nice to me?" She waves her water bottle at him.

He allows himself another look at her, her brown hair so long now, and flying everywhere. She's got the sleeves of his sweater pushed up now, and he can see the long dark line down her left arm.

"Because I love you," he says hollowly, and gulps, returning his gaze to the road. His throat is dry again.

Jade is quiet for a very long time, so long he thinks she perhaps hasn't heard what he has said, somehow. After about a year of silence, save the sound of the air vents, she murmurs, "You probably shouldn't."

"Maybe," he croaks. "What does it matter? I do anyway."

Jade doesn't say anything else. They're both quiet. Robbie turns his blinker on again and gets over into the next lane, letting the huge truck that's behind him rumble past.

Jade says suddenly, "You're still in your pajamas."

"Yeah," Robbie says, because he doesn't know what else to say to that. She leans across the seat, touches his arm, which is resting on his console. She absently runs her fingers against his forearm, soothing the multitude of scars that are there. Her touch, which is not rough or hard, like she, oddly makes him feel like – like crying, or something.

"Don't do that," he says in a choked voice. "You shouldn't – don't – just don't do that."

She retracts her hand slowly, still looking at him. He wonders what she is thinking. Sometimes, he can look at her, and he can just _know_, but he doesn't trust himself to look at her now. He doesn't know what he'll do. Try to kiss her again, maybe, and send the car veering off the highway and both of them plummeting to their deaths.

Jade sighs again as he finally edges off the interstate, back into the familiarity of Northridge. "Can we stop fighting now?" she asks in a small voice. "I'm tired of it. I _miss_ you."

"I'm not fighting with you," he says. "And I miss you too."

"I'm sorry," Jade says, in that weird small voice again. How many times tonight has she apologized to him? He has no idea what is going on. She sounds impossibly tired. "I'll stop – I'll stop being weird."

"I'm sorry too," Robbie says.

"You don't have to be sorry," Jade says softly. "You didn't do anything."

"I must have done something."

Jade shakes her head. "It doesn't matter. Can we just be friends again?"

"We're always friends," he tells her. "You're my best friend."

"You're mine," she says. After a second, she adds, "But don't tell Cat."

He laughs before he can help himself. "Okay," he says. "I won't."

"Jeff has been moping for, like, a month," she tells him. "I think he's getting his period."

"Guys have cycles, too," he tells her.

Jade rolls her eyes. "Manstruating," she says.

"Yeah," he says, grinning a little. "Jeff's young for that, though."

"He's a pain," Jade mutters.

Robbie hums in agreement. They're quiet for a bit longer, listening to the sounds of the car. The windows are drawn up tightly, sheltering them from the late October wind. They're in their own bubble, their little universe that is solely meant for Robbie and Jade. Everything's shifting again. He feels a little sad as he pulls into her driveway.

"Thanks for driving me," she says, leaning to unbuckle her seatbelt.

The whole world is dark, dark, and he gets out, too, to walk her to her door.

"We're all right?" she asks, hesitating at the doorframe.

"Yeah," he says. She gives him a little smile, which he returns. She digs around in her purse for her keys.

"Do you, like, want to come in for a while, or something?" she asks.

"Yeah," says Robbie, "I do. But I probably shouldn't."

"Yeah," she murmurs.

"Do you want to, like – do something tomorrow? Today?" he asks.

"Don't you have a date?" she asks. He looks at her, surprised. "I heard Beck say."

"Oh, yeah," he mutters. He and Rainah are going out to lunch. "I could – cancel." It won't take up the whole day, anyway.

Jade shrugs, shaking her head. "No, it's all right," she says. She looks at him again, her eyes flashing in the darkness. "You like her?" she asks finally.

"Yeah," he says, because it doesn't know what else to say. "She's okay – she's nice."

"That's good," Jade murmurs absently.

"Yeah," he says again.

Jade clicks open her front door and turns to him, brushing her hair away from her face again. "So, I guess – I'll see you at school?"

"Yeah," he says. "Sure. Can I call you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," she says. "Sure." She takes a step inside, hesitates again. "Thanks, Robbie."

"Sure," he says. "Of course."

She gives him that small, secret smile before she closes the door. He stands on her porch for a few minutes more, watching as he sees the hall light turn on, then off again. Eventually, he heads back to his car. It's after three in the morning. He needs to get to bed.

**Author's Note: Holy crap, I wrote this whole thing in a two-hour block early this morning, when I should have been getting ready for work. Oops. Okay, so, not together, not yet, but they're getting better, eh?**


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter Forty-One**

Robbie opens his locker with an easy flick of his wrist on Monday morning and slides his science books back inside. "Do you think my locker smells weird?" he asks Jade in concern.

They'd seen each other from across the parking lot several moments beforehand and she had came over to him, smiling slightly. She'd pulled her sunglasses up.

"Hey," she'd said.

"Hey," he'd said back. Then they'd walked together into school like usual.

Now Jade knocks him aside slightly and sticks her head in his locker, sniffing. "Smells like a locker," she says in a tinny tone.

Robbie frowns and sticks his head in, too. "It smells like mold," he says fretfully, his voice echoing.

"_Ew. _Why would it smell like mold, Shapiro? None of the food you can eat is, like, remotely capable of rotting. Is there a rice cake or something festering in here?" She pokes at one of his textbooks, the backs of her shoulders jostling him in the chest.

"This school isn't exactly new, you know," Robbie tells her. "The frame is wood, not metal. Wood backing! The whole building is probably molding down. Did you see upstairs in class 208 how the wall is actually separated from the wall? That's because - "

"What are you guys _doing?_" a new voice asks from behind them.

Jade and Robbie pull their heads out of his locker slowly and turn. Steve Strickland is looking at them with an amused expression on his face, the corners of his eyes crinkling. His stupid eyes that are much too blue, Robbie thinks.

"Just talking about the shoddy foundations of our shitty school," Jade says. "Hey, Strickland."

"Oh yeah?" Strickland grins. He says, "Hey Jade. What's up, Robbie?"

"Hi," Robbie says back, a little surprised that Strickland even knows his name.

"You going to first period today?" Strickland asks, addressing Jade, who shrugs.

"Yeah, I guess I should," she says. "Cat's been bugging me. And Sikowitz is threatening to write a letter to my dad if he catches me skipping again."

"Bummer," says Strickland. He runs a hand through his limp blonde hair – stupid blonde hair, Robbie thinks.

"Yeah," says Jade, and the three of them glance up in tandem as the first warning bell of the day rings.

"Shit," she and Strickland mutter together, both slumping.

"Shoot," Robbie adds. Then Jade turns a little, and says to Strickland, "Don't wait up for me at lunch today. I'm probably going to eat with Shapiro." Robbie tries very hard not to preen at him.

"Kay," says Steve, giving her a big weird (and stupid!) grin. "You kids are speaking again?"

What does Strickland know about it?

"Yep," Jade says tightly, glowering at him very hard.

"Cool," says Strickland. "Well, I guess I'm out. I've got study hall, but they still give me detentions for skipping. Later, Shapiro."

Hmph. What a shame for him, to have to sit through study hall and get a jump on his schoolwork for the day. Life is so hard for a bad boy. Stupid bad boys!

Robbie's class is the opposite direction down the hall, so they part ways then. He watches Jade and Steve walk off together. When they're a ways away, Steve leans down to say something to her. Robbie watches the side of his mouth turn up into a (stupid!) sardonic smile as he speaks.

"Shut _up!_" Jade hollers, shoving him roughly. Strickland hits the row of lockers, then bounces off, righting himself, and throws his head back and laughs.

Then the second bell is ringing, and Robbie yelps, scurrying down the hallway, late. Andre raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him as he dives into the classroom a second before their teacher is closing the door.

* * *

"Do you want to do something this week?" Rainah's asking him as they're in the math lab together, gathering up the freshman's practice tests.

"Oh, sure," Robbie says, hesitating. Now that he and Jade are talking, he doesn't know when she'll want to hang out with him. Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. "When do you want to?"

"Well, I'm free today," she suggests brightly, then sort of cringes. "Sorry – overeager. It's just that I'm going to be so busy up until the weekend."

"No, today is fine," Robbie says slowly. "Do you want to come over after school?"

"That sounds great," Rainah smiles at him. The freshman sigh heavily at them. "Okay, sorry, we're done!" She turns back to Robbie. "I'll, like, text you or something, during study hall? I'll think of something to do."

"Okay," he says, smiling.

Next period is lunch, and Robbie tries not to hurry too much as he packs up his backpack and prepares to head out to the courtyard. Andre is there already, sitting at their usual table, using up a whole bottle of ketchup on his french fries. He slides in across from him.

"Hey man," Andre says absently, shoving a pile of ketchup with a hint of fry into his mouth, frowning down at his English papers.

"Hey," Robbie says back.

Jade strolls up and takes her normal seat beside Robbie, settling down very close. She's wearing her black plaid pants that he likes best (not that he has told her this, of course) and a dark red tank top. She smiles dangerously at him.

"Hey buddy," she says.

"Hey," Robbie says falteringly, unable to stop staring at her.

She puts her hand on his leg. Oh sweet mother of God, she puts her hand on his leg. She puts her hand on his leg, still smiling at him. Robbie gulps and stares at her. He stares into the dark rounds of her eyes. She looks back at him, eyes wide and innocent, her irises impossibly blue. She runs her hand up the length of his thigh. Then she -

She reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out his wallet. She riffles through it and pulls out a dollar. Then she tosses it back onto his lap and beams at him. "Thanks for the soda," she says sweetly, standing again and heading towards the vending machine.

Robbie and Andre stare after her. Andre turns to him, his mouth wide open.

"The hell was that?" he yelps, then continues gawping at Robbie.

"I … " says Robbie, flustered.

"Dude, we try and keep things rated Y7 around here. That was entirely too sexual," Andre says, looking bewildered.

"What was entirely too sexual?" Tori asks, coming over to the table, trying to balance her slice of pizza, carton of fries, and water bottle. She collapses down next to Andre. A few fries scatter onto the table and she looks at them sadly.

"Jade all up in Robbie's junk over here!" Andre exclaims.

Tori stares at Robbie hard. "Oh _really?_" she asks.

Robbie turns the color of an overripe tomato (read: very red). "She wanted to borrow a dollar," he croaks.

"Hm," says Tori, giving him a pointed look for some reason.

"She coulda just asked!" says Andre. "She just rooted through your pants like she's trying to find the lost city of Atlantis, man. And we know where that chizz is. The Bermuda Triangle! She don't need to be searching!"

"We really don't need to be discussing this," Robbie says, turning puce.

Beck and Ali are at the table now, settling down with their own trays. "Why is Robbie the color of a rotten tomato?" Ali squeaks. Robbie looks at her darkly. He had thought she was all right, but perhaps he'll rethink his assessment now.

"Jade's assaulting Robbie's pants and - " starts Andre, just Tori shushes him, thankfully.

"What about Jade and Robbie's pants?" Beck demands loudly, and Andre and Ali shoot him a weird look. "What?" he asks, looking around at them. "I'm just curious."

"Nothing," Robbie says firmly. "Where is Cat?"

Beck looks disappointed, but he scans the courtyard for their redheaded friend. "Coming back from the lunch truck with Jade," he points out happily. Robbie looks up too. The girls are walking back towards them, Jade with her (gross!) pineapple soda, and Cat with her plate of salad. Cat's giggling wildly, maybe at something Jade's said, maybe at a voice that's spoken up in her own head. Jade looks unimpressed with her. When she takes her seat next to Robbie, everyone stares at her, even Cat, who likes to go along with their crowd.

"What?" she snarls, grumpy, and everyone looks away.

Jade spears her fork into Robbie's salad and eats all of his cherry tomatoes, since she knows he doesn't like them. He feels happy. They don't talk much to each other during lunch – Cat chatters to her about something something Gossipy Girl something something Blaine someone, and Andre and he discuss potential lyrics for the third song they've finished.

Jade slurps loudly through her straw. She pops the tab off of her soda and puts it in her pocket, probably for Jefferson. Then she waves the empty can consideringly, shooting Robbie a glance. He hears the straw rattling around in the empty can. He sighs, roots through his pocket, drags out another forty cents, which he deposits into her palm.

She beams. "Thanks, Albert." She gets up to get another soda.

Everyone at the table stares at him again. "Yo!" Andre cries finally. "Who is_ Albert?_"

Robbie bursts into laughter.

* * *

When school ends for the day he's at his locker, which is probably decomposing internally, somewhere, he thinks dimly. He's putting his textbooks away, listening to Tori chatter away at him because it's Monday and he's not driving her home today, no, she has to stay late and model some stuff for Cat's Costume Design class, but oh my _god_, Robbie _needs _to hear about what Andre said during English, when suddenly Steve Strickland is beside him again, and Tori's voice is trailing off into a squeak.

"Hey," says Strickland, and he looks so – so darn _cool,_ and, like, disconnected, a jaded youth, standing there beside them, tapping his foot absently and running his hands through his dumb hair again, that Robbie has to actually wait a second to make sure that Steve is actually talking to him.

"Hello," he says doubtfully.

"Hello!" burbles Tori.

Strickland looks up and shoots her a smile, and, gross, Robbie can just about see those stupid little hearts forming in Tori's eyes right now again. "Hey," he says once more. "Tori, right?"

Tori beams like the sunshine. "Yes, that is my name," she affirms, grinning. Robbie rolls his eyes.

Strickland leans precariously against the locker next to Robbie's. "What's doing, man?"

Why on earth is Steve Strickland talking to him?

"Um," he says. "Nothing? Much?"

Strickland nods as though he deems this an acceptable answer. "Yeah," he says easily. "Hey, have you guys seen Jade?"

"No," says Robbie darkly.

"No," says Tori, in a much more starstruck tone.

"Oh," says Strickland. "Well, we're supposed to hang, and she's doing that thing where she ignores her phone."

"I hate that thing," Robbie says before he can help himself.

Steve smiles. "Yeah," he says.

Tori's phone goes off from her pants pocket, a startling and slightly static-y blip of pop song. She pulls it out and looks down at it in depression. "Cat wants me to meet her now," she says sadly, her heart-shaped pupils roaming to rest on Steve once more.

"Good luck," Robbie tells her, very seriously.

"See you later, Tori," Steve says, and she beams over her shoulder at them – well, probably at Strickland, and not really him.

Strickland watches Tori leave, and Robbie feels oddly affronted as Strickland blatantly checks out his friend. "How does it feel to be close friends with the three hottest girls in school?" Steve asks him.

Robbie scoffs, flabbergasted. "Uhh. I mean, I don't know. I don't think about it that way. I mean, I – I met Jade and Cat on the first day of freshman year."

"Yeah, I know, man," Strickland says, brushing his hair out of his face again. It just flops perfectly over his left eye again. Stupid! "Jade told me. She talks about you guys a lot?"

"_Really?_" Robbie demands skeptically. "When?" In between their gross makeout sessions?

Strickland shrugs. "Dunno," he says. "A lot?"

"Oh," says Robbie, dumbly.

"Yeah. Hey, man, so what are you doing today? Do you wanna, like, hang out with us?"

"Umm," says Robbie. "Well, I would – uh, I would want to. But I sort of, I have plans, with Rainah? She's this girl I'm sort of, like, seeing, I guess."

"Oh yeah?" Steve says. "That's cool. I was just asking. Thought it might be cool."

"Why?" Robbie demands before he can help himself.

Strickland makes a little face, like he's mulling it over. "Dunno. Jade says you seem cool – thought it might be good to, you know, make friends."

"What, are you looking for a new crowd, or something?" Oh my god, he can almost hear the sneer in his own voice! He waits for Strickland to crack his knuckles and punch him in the face.

Steve just laughs, though, eyeballing him a bit in a weird impressed way that Robbie doesn't know how to feel about. "Hey, man. Sort of, yeah, you know. I really don't know that many people, still. Like, we moved from New Jersey last year? And it's wild here, man. These guys from Guitar Theory – I just sort of fell in with them. They're kind of dicks, you know? And now Jade's, like, not going to hang out with them anymore, so I figured I should follow suit, probably."

Wow. Steve Strickland can actually string sentences together that contain more than four words at a time. And he's totally made Robbie feel like a complete jerk, somehow. "Oh," is all he can manage.

"Yeah," Steve says again, leaning lankily against his locker, still. Even leaning, he's a bit taller than Robbie – god, he's got to be something like six-two, six-three. He grins easily. "Shit, did you see Vargas today?"

"No, I haven't," Robbie says.

Steve smirks. "Well, Jade really messed him up. He's got a nasty black eye."

"Really?" says Robbie. "I thought she just threw a bottle at him."

Strickland snorts. "Yeah, me too. Said they got in a fight."

"Yeah," says Robbie. "Do you know what about?"

Strickland purses his lips exaggeratedly, then smirks. "I'm not supposed to say," he says.

"Oh," says Robbie huffily. Keeping more secrets. He wonders what else Jade confides to Strickland.

Then Steve's phone is going off, too, his just a generic ring tone. He pulls it out of his jacket pocket – the guy is actually wearing a jean jacket, like it's 1992, why does Jade go out with him? – and pulls out a dinosaur of a flip - phone, possibly also from the early 90s. What sort of sad time is the state of New Jersey stuck in?

Strickland flips his phone open to inspect the caller ID. "The lady Jade," he says to Robbie, waving his phone slightly before clicking a button and putting it to his ear. "Hello bunny," he says cheerily. "I'm out here in the hall talking to your man." He laughs and holds the phone away from his ear as they both hear Jade scream in indignation._ Bunny?_

Robbie turns his attention back to his locker and tries to tune out the sound of Strickland, chuckling into his phone and teasing Jade. He stuffs all of his notebooks into his bookbag, even though he doesn't need them. Finally, Steve clicks his phone closed and slides it back into his jacket pocket, and Robbie feels it is safe to pull his head back from his locker.

"You sure you can't come and chill, man?" he asks.

"I – yeah," says Robbie, a bit depressedly. He shouldn't be. He and Rainah are going to make gluten-free spaghetti at his house and watch Adam Sandler movies. Robbie hasn't seen any of them, and Rainah says they're hilarious. "Don't you want, like, alone time, anyway?"

Strickland gives him a weird questioning look and tilts his head a little.

"With Jade," Robbie supplies. "Aren't you guys dating?"

Strickland laughs. Like, he actually throws his head back, so it bounces against the top of the wall, above the locker, and laughs. "Um, no, man," he says. "No way."

"Oh," Robbie says stupidly. "You – oh. I thought you were. Why not?"

Strickland just looks at him in amusement. "Wow, you really don't know."

"Know what?" he asks. Is Strickland, like, gay?

"Ask the lady," Strickland shrugs. "Hey, I gotta head out, though, dude."

"Oh, okay," Robbie says absently. "Dude."

Strickland shoots him a sidelong smirk, bouncing on the balls of his feet and finally shoving himself up off the locker. "I'll see you later, man. You know, you aren't so bad."

"Uh – thanks?"

Steve smirks again – another sign that he's been spending entirely too much time with Jade. "See you later, I guess. Have fun with your girl."

"Okay," says Robbie. "I mean, I will."

He watches Strickland swagger off, arms swinging loosely in his jean jacket. People are so weird.

* * *

One evening that next week, he's sitting in the kitchen, doing his homework, irritatedly listening to his sister squealing and giggling in the living room. She's watching a movie with Karl Shuberg. That blonde little rat!

There are too many blondes in the world.

"Robbie. we're having a movie date," Jess had whispered in a confidential and somewhat annoyed tone earlier, bouncing on her heels. "You can't keep walking in and out of the room!" Robbie'd almost passed out. A _movie date!_ At thirteen! Moses help him.

But she has been so good to him for these past few months, and, when he'd snuck past them to run upstairs and get his bookbag, she and Shuberg had actually looked pretty cute sitting together on the couch, close together but not too close, their aligned shoulders that weren't quite touching set rigidly. So after he gathers his textbooks and slinks back down to the kitchen, where they can see the overhead lights from the sink and above the wall filtering in from the doorframe (because Jess is crazy if she thinks he's going to stay up in his room all night and let her and some hoodlum boy have the whole downstairs to themselves), he spreads his notebooks and notecards and texts all over the table and he stays there, stagnant.

He's just finished up his last Physics equation when his phone goes off, playing that ridiculous Shaggy songs. He answers it before the first line can finish, scrawling his pen absently.

"Hey Jade," he says absently.

"Hey," she says back. "What are you doing? Want to come over?"

"Uh," he says. He does. "Well – I'm watching my sister."

"So what? She's a teenager."

"She has a _boy_ over," Robbie informs her darkly.

Jade laughs, sounding pleased. Good lord! "Who, that blonde loser? He's a total dork."

"He is not!" Robbie yelps. "He's _trouble._"

"Oh, he is not," Jade says breezily, as if she's had more than three conversations with his sister in the last few months. "Trust me, I'd know."

"Hmph," says Robbie consideringly.

"What are they doing?"

"Watching March of the Penguins," Robbie says, just as darkly.

Jade cracks up. "Oh my god, Shapiro, watch out, I think you can get pregnant from that!"

"Oh shut up!" he cries.

"Come over," she insists. "Your sister will be fine. She has my cell phone number, you know."

"She _does?_" he says in disbelief.

"Yes," Jade sniffs. "Dude, I know all about Karl Shuberg. They haven't even kissed yet."

"They're thinking about _kissing_?" Robbie squawks, and Jade laughs again.

When she finally calms down, she says, "God, can you, like stop? Just leave them alone. They're thirteen, Shapiro! And the good kind of thirteen, not the Evan Rachel Wood kind."

Robbie huffs. He's still traumatized from watching that movie.

"I guess I can come over," he says. "What are you doing?"

"There's a, like, meteor shower tonight," Jade tells him. "I'm out on top of my car. Come and hang out with me."

"Oh, okay," says Robbie doubtfully. He does remember Cat and Andre squawking about that earlier in the day.

"Yeah?" Jade asks, sounding happy.

Robbie casts another furtive glance towards the dark of the living room. "Yeah, why not," he says. It'll be the first time he's actually seen Jade outside of school since they've ... made up, or whatever it is that they've done. "Just let me put my books away. I'll be over in like – twenty, twenty-five minutes?"

"Okay," says Jade, pleased, and hangs up on him.

Robbie straightens up the kitchen quickly, and then he stomps into the living room.

"You," he says, pointing at Shuberg, whose shoulder is actually now resting against his sister's. "When are your parents picking you up?"

Shuberg looks at him a little fearfully, even though he's practically as tall as Robbie is. "Um," he says nervously, looking at the grandfather clock that's against the opposite wall. "Like a half hour?"

Robbie looks at him, thinking it over. What trouble can they get up to in a half hour? Dear god, a lot, probably.

"I'm thinking of going to Jade's," he says to his sister, who squeals immediately into Shuberg's ear, making him wince. Good.

"So go!" she says, waving her hands at him.

"Will you – be okay by yourself?"

Jess rolls her eyes fitfully. "Jesus, Robbie!" she huffs. "Yes, I'll be fine! Would you please get lost?"

So he goes.

Robbie turns into Jade's driveway slowly, parking behind her stepmother's car. Jade's Gremlin is parked off in the grass, swimming in her huge sprawling front yard. The tiny orange light of her light cigarette alerts him to where she is, laying on the roof of her car. He turns his headlights off and gets out of his own car, padding his way across the slightly overgrown lawn to her. "Hey," he says up at her.

Jade smiles up at the sky. "Shapiro," she says.

"Have you seen anything yet?" he asks.

"I think I saw one," she says, "but it might've just been a plane or some shit."

"Oh," he says. Jade wriggles to the side, making room for him on the roof. He climbs up the hood carefully (Jade may not care about her windshield, but he does) and stretches out beside her. Her car is sort of small, so their elbows knock together. Jade doesn't make a move to slide away.

They lay there together for a long time – a few hours, chatting idly, sometimes falling silent, not really speaking of anything important, not needing to. Jade laughs in unguarded delight when Robbie points out the first shooting meteor to her, and the sound makes his whole chest feel warm and full.

"Aren't you cold?" Robbie asks at one point.

"No," Jade says, in the tone she uses when she's lying. So Robbie slides off the roof of her car and trots back to his own, where he grabs at the pink blanket that Cat's left in his backseat for some reason, weeks ago. He also reaches into his glovebox and takes out the mittens that Mrs Savidge has knitted for him. Then he scurries back across the lawn to Jade and clambers back up to her.

"Geez, it's chilly tonight," he says, shaking out the blanket so that it puffs up and spreads out from her. He yanks on his mittens and feels good. Jade gives him a sidelong glance, smiling a little for some reason. He lays back down beside her, resting his mittened hands under his head.

They watch the sky light up in earnest as more meteors begin to fall. It's one of the prettiest things he's seen, really. Aside from her. They lay out on her car late into the night, until the sky finally turns full dark, not speaking.

**Author's Note: Just so you guys know, I'm from New Jersey, so I'm not talking smack on the state. We do have updated phones. :)**


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter Forty-Two**

Saturday morning, Robbie makes his requisite visit to Dad, using the time that he sits in his sleeping father's room to catch up on his reading for History class, losing himself in the pages of the industrial revolution, reading things that he's mostly already known. As he's coming home, Mom is just pulling up too, and he helps her lug literally bins and bins of paperwork into the house.

"My office is being fumigated," she tells him, as they're puffing and panting in the small study. "I'll need to work from home this weekend!"

Some weekend, Robbie thinks. He says, "You need _all this_ for half of today and tomorrow?"

His mom looks grim. "I need more than this," she says.

Robbie raises his eyebrows. He lets his mom talk at him about her latest case, a sordid tale of money laundering and slander, all mixed in with the possibility of a missing girl, which may or may not be related to the other charges.

"Do you think he's guilty?" Robbie asks.

Mom is already down on her knees, one of the plastic boxes opened in front of her, sifting through her papers, looking for the document she needs. "Of kidnapping?" she asks, flipping through a binder. "No. Stealing money? Oh, most likely."

Hmph. Right now, she's not really Mom, or Mommy Dearest, as Jess has wittily taken to calling her. She's not really his mother right now. She's in work-mode. It's sort of like how Beck and Ali get when they're playing video games, he likens it to, and that makes him feel a little less bad about it. Ali, who's so soft and sweet, will actually _hit you_ if you're talking to her while she's trying to aim at something.

"So are you going to be here tonight? Are you going to have any dinner?" Robbie asks his mother.

"Hmm," says Mom, walking slowly to her desk, her head dipped down low into one of her legal books. She steps over boxes of paperwork without even having to look where they are.

"Cool," says Robbie, watching her settle into her leather-bound chair. "Well, me and Jess will probably be home all day. I can cook us something. Tori's dad showed me a new steak recipe last week."

"Mm?"

"I know, I know, try to contain your excitement."

Mom turns a page in her book, making another noncommittal noise. "That's fine, Robert." Robbie rolls his eyes, leaving the room. He closes her door after him, as she likes.

Jess is finally awake as he heads into the living room, her hair that is starting to curl like Robbie's sort of wild and untamed ad she scrubs sleep from her eyes. "Mom's home?" she asks, gazing out the window at their mother's car. She makes the same confused and sort of awestruck face that Robbie had made as he'd watched her pull up in the driveway.

"_Christine_ is home," he corrects her. "She's in legal-mode. She's got, like, eighty pounds of paperwork in her office with her."

Jess rolls her eyes and makes a horrible face. "Oh, what else is new?" she says, sticking her nose in the air. "I need some cereal. You better have bought real milk, Robbie." She shuffles into the kitchen.

Robbie sits on the counter in the kitchen as Jess mixes together her Froot Loops and Cocoa Pebbles, crunching on a bag of lentil chips that Jade had suggested he buy when he was in the grocery store last night, talking to her on the phone. Jess looks at him happily as she pulls out the whole milk he'd remembered to buy for her.

Once they've eaten, Jess calls Lizzie, and Robbie leaves his sister in the kitchen to chatter happily about gross boys. He goes upstairs to his room, turns on his xBox, and he plays some Halo with Beck and Ali. He doesn't really like these story-less shooting games, but it's all Beck and Ali (Beckison) will play right now. After about an hour, he turns the game off, leaving them to fight on their own, and he reads a long bit, occasionally looking up to his phone, texting Andre back, texting Jade back.

Andre is depressed at church. It's his grandmother's birthday, so he's been sort of guilted to go. He's leading the ten year old's youth group. Right now they're handing out Fatcakes to the boys and girls, adorned with those trick candles that won't burn out. The flames are like Jesus's love, he tells Robbie. It will never go out. The kids are annoyed – they want to eat their cupcakes!

Jesus is Jewish, Robbie tells him. Andre texts back, _don't tell that to my grandmother!_

_please come over, _Jade switches their conversation, which has been why it would be a bad idea for her to plant a stink bomb in the underclassmen auditorium, suddenly.

Robbie thinks of his history homework, the dinner he's offered to make for his sister and mom tonight, his promised phone call to Rainah later in the evening. _Why, what's up?_

_cat's over and she and my brother are playing double dare. she brought vega. tori's face is annoying me._

_Sounds like a party, _Robbie sends back.

_come on! strickland's complaining about being the only guy. And if HE leaves i'm totally fucked._

STRICKLAND'S THERE? _Strickland's there?_ he sends.

_yeah. _is all he gets back.

Well!

A wave of insecurity flows over him at this - just the, the fact that she's seeing fit to hang out with Steve Strickland, her first pick, instead of him. He's her – she's told him that he, Robbie, that he is her best friend. He's not going to just drop everything and be her buffer between Tori and Cat and her brother just so she can keep Steve Strickland entertained and happy, hanging out at her house! He's not going to be her second pick! What, does she think he has nothing better to do with his time? He has things to do! He has _obligations_. He isn't -

Oh, who is he kidding? He's going to Jade's house.

He texts her back, asking if he can bring his sister, since they haven't spend much time together this week, and Jade responds (he can actually hear her droll voice as he reads the text) that sure, it's a party, bring his mom, hell, stop by the nursing home and bring some of the old folks, too. He bits back a little grin as he taps out his reply, telling her to give him a few minutes to get ready, and then he's puttering around his room, changing his clothes, making his bed, taking his school texts and the Stephen King book Jade's lent him up off the floor and placing them at their usual neat spot on his desk.

He leaves a note for his mother, whose office door is still shut tightly, and he troops down the hallway to his sister's room. Jess is still laying around in her pajamas, even though it's past four in the afternoon now, lounging on her back on her bed, reading a book with her feet resting up on her wall. She cranes her head up (down?) to stare at him when she sees him standing in the doorframe.

"Do you wanna come to Jade's with me?" he asks her. "Cat and Tori are there … and, um, some guy Jade knows. I know we were supposed to hang out - "

"Okay," Jess burbles, interrupting him. "I'll go!" She tosses her book (what the heck is Rainbow Boys? He'll ask Jade later) onto a pile of clothes strewn about in the room's corner and sits up. "Get out so I can change, Robbie!"

"You should clean your room," he tells her, stepping back and deciding to head downstairs until she's ready. "I doubt you'll ever be able to find that book again!"

"Oh shut up!" says his sister, shutting her door. He hears a small crash from behind it, and then the sound of Jess squeaking quietly. "I'm fine!"

The siblings are fairly quiet on the drive to Jade's house. Robbie lets the radio, set to his favorite classic rock station, lilt quietly out a block of some old Bob Dylan songs. It's a sunny, bright Saturday, the early November sky crisp and clear. It's slightly chilly for a California late afternoon, barely sixty degrees, not too cold at all, and Jess rolls down her window happily, her head lolling out the window like a dog's and letting her light hair flow everywhere.

Inside the house, Cat and Jefferson are running around, screeching things like "I dare you to lick that banister!" (Cat does) and "I dare you to jump on Robbie's back!" (Jeff does), the heavy sounds of their feet thudding loud against the hardwood floors of the Wests' house, their happy yells echoing over and over up to the ceiling. Jade looks a little irritated as she answers the door, which is nothing unusual.

"We're supposed to be watching a _movie_," she tells Robbie sulkily, as Jess literally bounces off after Jeff and Cat. "I got Audition on DVD. I just wanna see the chick stick pins in the dude's eye! Instead I've got my brother licking Cat's feet and Vega is, like, literally laying in a puddle of drool over Strickland down in the den."

"He _licked_ her _feet?_" Robbie asks in disgust, and Jade nods emphatically.

"Just the big toe, he says," Jade tells him. "Fucking weirdos. My life." She sighs.

Robbie allows himself to timidly pat her shoulder sympathetically. "Robbie will watch scary movie with Jade," he consoles her.

She smiles a little. "Yeah, I know you will," she says, sort of quietly.

He clears his throat as he removes his hand, suddenly feeling slightly flushed and a little awkward. He's not used to hearing that tone come from Jade. That – that weird tone, that tone that isn't harsh or cold or blank or snarling or mocking in some manner. He loves her, but she shocks him when she is soft. "So, um, how's – how's Steve? Steve, who you totally invited over first, and not me, one of your oldest friends."

Jade laughs, looking back at him with an eyebrow going up. "What, are you_ jealous_?"

"No," says Robbie, jealous.

Jade snorts again, letting her eyes drop from his face. She leans back against one of the wood pillars, a deep mahogany, that frame the inside of front door, her arms crossing against her chest loosely. "I didn't invite him over – he just sort of showed up, okay? I had plans with Cat, who brought frickin' _Tori_. I figured you would be busy."

"Oh," Robbie says, a little stupidly. He's never busy. Except when he's hanging out with Jade.

"I mean, I'm surprised you didn't have a date with Strawberry," Jade continues.

Robbie stares at her for a few seconds. "Oh – oh, you mean Rainah?"

Jade waves a hand at him. "Yeah, yeah, Randa."

He rolls his eyes. "Why do you call her Strawberry?"

Jade rolls her eyes back in a pretty good imitation of him. "She's got red hair, dude. I'm being cute. There are other things I could call her."

"Like what?"

"Um,_ Cat,_ for instance?_ Agent Orange. _The Ginger – ha, or Ginger Fox. Daywalker. Blood bather. Bloodsack. Bl-"

"Okay, okay!" he says quickly, holding up his hands. "Ew, Jade! Bloodsack!"

Jade shrugs. "Blood's red," she says. Robbie makes a face.

"Her hair's not that red," he says. "Not like Cat's."

"You mean the color of a red velvet cupcake?" Jade asks innocently, batting her eyelashes in an exaggerated way, as Cat will do when she wants something from you, like a cookie.

Robbie pretends to retch. Jade laughs happily, probably because that's how she feels about their friend's assessment of her choice of hair color, and knocks at his elbow with her own. "Come on, Shapiro," she says, starting the long walk down the hallway, presumably to the den at the back of the house. He follows her, admiring the long lines of her back that are exposed by her tank top.

"Robbie's here," Jade announces as she walks into the room, collapsing onto the larger of the two couches. "Now the fun can _really_ begin."

"I hope everyone wore their party socks," Robbie says, standing in the wide doorway, a little half smile on his face, as Jade kicks her feet up onto the edge of her couch and laughs appreciatively at him.

Tori's sort of curled up on the loveseat across from Jade, and Steve Strickland is sitting cross-legged on the floor beside her, his head leaned back on the empty seat cushion. They both look at Robbie with confusion on their faces.

"Sorry, dude – _what?_" Strickland says.

"Nothing," Robbie tells him. He waves a dismissive hand. "It means that I'm a nerd. That's what we were implying."

Steve purses his lips in consideration, then nods, understanding. Jade smirks, first at him, then at Robbie.

"Hey, Tor," Robbie greets Tori.

"Hi," gulps Tori. Apparently she's reduced to monosyllabism in Steve Strickland's presence. Jade is probably happy.

Robbie sits carefully on the couch beside Jade, trying not to get too close, but it's difficult since she's taking up the greater portion of more than two cushions. She raises her head a little, giving him room as he sits, and then she rests her head on his thigh.

Tori and Strickland stare at each other, which is an effort considering Steve's position on the floor, then at them.

Jess comes in them, piggy-backing Jefferson on her back, Cat trilling out her giggles at her heels. "Hey Jade," she says happily.

"Hey Jade!" shrieks her brother, flailing on Jess's shoulders.

Cat throws her arms out. "Hey Jade!" she cries, not to be left out.

Jade growls. "Can we please watch my fucking movie now?"

Robbie gently tugs on a purple lock of hair that has fallen onto his lap. Jade growls again. "My_ freaking _movie," she says in some poor imitation of sweetness.

Jeff wriggles down off of Jess and scampers across the room, fiddling with the television and setting the DVD player up. Once the screen flickers and the movie starts, he trots back across the room and settles down onto the carpet with Cat and his sister. She and Jeff begin braiding tiny strands of Cat's long rust-colored hair, giggling and whispering together.

Robbie watches the television screen with interest, trying to ignore the warm weight of Jade's head on his leg, the smell of her apple-scented shampoo drifting up at him in a delicate tease. The room is dim and soft, the only light pouring out from a small lamp at the end table near where Tori's laying on the loveseat. He absently plays with Jade's hair, coiling the long strands around his thin fingers, a rainbow of purple and blue and brown and blonde.

Cat squeaks and tries to distract herself when things on the television finally begin to get creepy. "I bet you can't eat all those hot dogs in the fridge," she whispers in earnest to Jefferson.

"I bet you I can!" squeals Jeff. "I double dog bet you!"

"No fridge!" Jade says sharply from Robbie's lap. "No fridge, no kitchen, no hot dogs! No food. You know what Mom says."

You know what Mom says. It's the first time he's ever heard her refer to Sophia as such. A little smile tinges his lips as he unwraps a blonde curl. She must feel comfortable with them all here, even Tori.

Jeff ignores her, leaping to his feet, yelping something intelligible to Cat as he pulls her up too, and they disappear off down the hallway, their laughter echoing dimly. Jade sighs dismissively. "Fuck it," she mutters.

"Where are you parents tonight?" Robbie murmurs down to her, curious.

"Anniversary," Jade says, her eyes on the screen, waiting for blood and guts. "They went to Azerbaijan. Where he met her."

Robbie's never heard of that in his life. What is Azer...he can't even remember in his head what she had said! He doesn't recall it from his encyclopedia reading, thought maybe he's skipped it, as he generally would do when he comes across things he can't even begin to pronounce.

"_Where?_" he asks.

Jade shrugs, and he feels the movements against his thigh. "It's near Armenia. And, like, Turkey? Maybe. You know my dad has like, three jobs. He's insane. He used to go everywhere. They're, like, on this freaking mountain right now. Probably getting stoned by Muslims."

"Wow," Robbie says. So much time he has spent with Jade – years and years he's known her, but hasn't really known her until recently, still hasn't heard all these facts, these little things that make her up, make up her family.

"Yeah," she murmurs back quietly, her voice droll and soft against the soft grainy hiss of the movie, the dramatic music and loud foreign voices. "It's their fifteen years – I guess it's sort of a big deal. You've met my dad – a fucking day with him is a big deal, huh?"

Fifteen years. Jade is eighteen now, has been since the end of May. A baby's growth is nine months, just short of a year. Four years for her father to find Sophia and love her, to marry her. How old was Jade then? Just three – a toddler, her father oblivious to her existence, her childish beauty. Over four years later, maybe five, he would have her in his custody. Where would Robbie be in four years? Or fifteen? Will he still know Jade, will he love her?

He doesn't know. He doesn't know if he hopes to. Loving Jade takes up the majority of his time, yet it's not something he thinks of. It just is.

He doesn't ruminate to her these thoughts – why would he? They're so abstract, nothing he could tell her even if they were alone, without the presence of Tori and Steve and Jessica just feet away, without the soft shrieks of Cat and Jefferson filtering in from what he assumes Jade hopes is not the kitchen. He wants to know – he wants to know everything about her. He needs the entire timeline of her life, mapped out in his hands, mapped out onto charts, so he can know her, love her more thoroughly than he already does. He wonders if you can ever know get close enough to someone, if you can ever know enough. Sitting here, in the near darkness, her head on his lap, the smooth curve of the back of her neck fitting so nicely against the skinny muscle of his thigh, with his hands winding gently into her hair, and her letting him, he thinks perhaps not, but this is enough. Maybe, maybe, this is enough.

As he's been lost in thought, Cat and Jeff are back, convalescing on the floor with his sister, Jeff with an unopened package of raw hot dogs in his hand. Jade wrinkles her nose up at him.

"Hope you know what you're doing, Dahmer," she says.

Jeff beams up at her at the nickname. "Don't tell Sophia," he says, tearing the package open. Jade rolls her eyes far back into her head, perhaps at Jeff deeming to call his mother by her first name, perhaps at the entire situation.

"My life," she says again up to Robbie, her voice edging on despairing. He loosens one hand from her hair and rubs her pale shoulder in consolation. Jade closes her eyes briefly, then turns her head slightly, focusing back on the screen.

The movie goes on. Robbie isn't really sure what's happening, other than the Asian girl eats her own vomit (Tori groans in horror, covering her face), and becomes increasingly creepy. Jefferson slowly muscles down three hot dogs, four. Cat and Jess watch him with interest. Steve Strickland stares at the screen, his blue eyes ultraviolet in the flickering light of the televsion, his jaw slack, completely sucked into the film.

Robbie is held captive – by Jade, by the soft stillness of the room, the calm quiet of his group of friends (and, well, Steve). A few moments pass, blending together in the haze of a Saturday evening.

The girl onscreen tortures her boyfriend. Tori and Cat squeak in horror, Tori's face firmly hidden in her hands. Cat presses her face into the sofa below Robbie. Jeff finishes his fifth hot dog.

"Oh my God," breathes Jess, perhaps at the R-rated movie, maybe the first she's seen, perhaps at Jeff's bottomless stomach. Jade's shoulders shake in silent laughter at them.

Jefferson rolls his head up to look at Robbie and his sister with a strange considering look on his face, them turns his small, dark-haired head back down to face his sixth and final hot dog. Robbie watches him, too, now. Can he do it?

"Ew," say Strickland and Tori to the screen.

Jeff takes a small bite of the hot dog, then makes a hiccupy, watery noise in the back of his throat. Robbie and Jade both go completely rigid.

"Oops," says Jeff, and then he vomits up his five hot dogs onto the beige carpet, as well as whatever it is he's eaten earlier for his actual dinner.

"_Gross-out!_" shrieks Cat, as she, Jess, and Tori all flee from the room. Strickland looks from them, to Robbie and Jade, to Jeff, and then the pile of congealed hot dogs, utterly confused.

Jade rolls her head back and laughs loudly up into Robbie's face. He laughs, too. What else can they do?

**Author's Note: Wow, so I completely lied about being able to end this in ten chapters. I am planning to have Jade and Robbie actually get together very, very soon, in a chapter or two (I guess that's a spoiler, but, um, we all freaking know it's coming), but then I'll need a few chapters of utter, utter fluff to make myself happy and wrap everything up all perfect and neat.**


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter Forty-Three**

After Jefferson had regurgitated his five hot dogs onto the carpet and successfully half-emptied the room, Jade howled with laughter for a few minutes, finally moving herself from Robbie lap, sitting up on her elbows.

Steve made a disgusted face, looking down at the present Jeff had left them.

"We should clean that up," Robbie said helpfully.

Jade's eyes had rolled viciously. "Cleaning up vomit – the story of my life," she had huffed, rolling off the couch, careful to sidestep the pile of congealed hot dogs. "There's a reason I said no kitchen – this isn't the first time Cat and my brother have eaten the whole fridge for purposes of amusement."

"Really?" Robbie had asked, following her to the kitchen which she'd started opening cabinets under the sink and poking around at carpet cleaners.

"Oh yeah," Jade said absently. "Oh shit, you weren't here for the great crepe disaster of 2010."

Robbie wrinkled his nose. Beside him, Steve had too.

"Do we ask about that?" Steve had said, sotto voce, to Robbie.

"No," Robbie murmured back. "No, we don't."

Jade had grumbled, juggling a massive roll of paper towels and a bottle of carpet stain remover in her arms. "Don't mind me," she'd gruffed.

"You need help?" Strickland had asked. Jade just grunted, heading back to the den already.

Robbie and Strickland exchanged a look. "You can go outside or something," Robbie told him. He'd spied Tori out on the back patio. "Maybe, um, console Tori. She hates puke."

Strickland had looked pleased enough at the thought of being alone with an upset and vulnerable Tori. "All right, man," he said, turning to head out the French doors.

Robbie had grabbed a trash bag from underneath the sink and headed after Jade. She stood in the doorframe, looking dispassionately down at the pile of hot dogs.

"Oh," she said, taking the trash bag. "Thanks."

Jade used the bag to scoop up most of the hot dogs, then took the roll of paper towels and mopped up the remaining grossness. Robbie watched her, impressed by her fortitude in the face of upchucked processed meat. She must have sensed his gaze, because she rolled her eyes up at him, saying, "Seriously, not the first time I've cleaned up Jeff's puke. Or Cat's, actually. This one is a clean break."

"Wow," said Robbie. She'd cleaned Cat's puke? "You cleaned Cat's puke?"

"It was my fault," Jade shrugged. "I'm the one who kept handing her the Pixi Stix."

"Ew," Robbie said. Jade removed the paper towel from the carpet and had Robbie spritzed the spot with cleaner.

They had found Tori and Strickland standing around awkwardly in the living room, where Robbie remembered Jefferson's pool-tarp fort once spanning the whole room. Tori had been wearing Strickland's baggy old jean jacket. Robbie had shot her a look, which she'd ignored.

"Where is my idiot brother," Jade had snarled. "Where is Cat?" She'd grabbed Steve and stormed out of the room.

Robbie and Tori had looked at each other. Then Tori had swooped over, grabbing some sort of death metal horror junkie pentagram magazine (probably Jade's, but possibly Sophia's) from one of the many side-tables of the room, rolling it up into a cone, and then she thwapped Robbie hard on the shoulder with it.

"Robbie!" she'd hissed. "What are you _doing?_"

He'd given out a small, startled shriek as the magazine bore down on him – _ahhyiii!_ and sputtered, leaping back. "What are you – Tori, _stop!_" Tori brained him again with the magazine. He'd back up some more, falling awkwardly onto the couch as the backs of his knees had hit it.

"Robbie!" Tori screeched again. "You – are – awful!" She punctuated each word with a hard _thwack!_ to his head.

"Tori!" he'd hollered, waving his arms, trying to grab the magazine from her hands. "Are you crazy?"

Tori'd snatched the magazine from his clabbering hands, standing back and glaring at him with her hands on her hips. "No I'm not crazy! You're crazy! What are you doing with Jade?"

"What?" he'd yelped, utterly puzzled. "You – nothing! What are you talking about?"

"Oh, yeah, you two are just laying over each other, you're - " the magazine came down at him again with force - "wrist deep in her hair, you've got her _head_ on your_ lap_ - !" _Thwack!_

"Stop it!" he'd cried, reaching and finally wrestling the magazine from her. Tori jumps back and glares at him like a caged animal, her eyes darting everywhere as he waved the won magazine at her threateningly. "Why are you so mad at me? She's the one who laid on me! And you – you're wearing Steve's jean jacket! What about_ that?_"

"I was _cold_," Tori spat out at him. "And – and _I'm_ not the one who has a pretty girlfriend! You should have shoved Jade off!"

"Oh," he'd said, dumbly. He hadn't even thought of Rainah. He hadn't even thought of how he and Jade might have looked, so close together on the couch.

"Oh," Tori had repeated, glaring hard at him, resting her hands on her hips. "Yeah. Robbie, what are you _doing_?"

"I don't know," he told Tori, feeling guilty. What time is it? He'd pulled his phone out of his pocket, inspecting the time. Nearly eight! He'd told Rainah he would call her at seven. "I really don't … I don't know."

Tori frowned, her red lips moving to purse up at him. "You still like Jade, huh?" she'd asked softly.

Robbie had felt the tips of his ears heat up as he'd blushed furiously. "Of course I do," he'd muttered.

"Robbie!" Tori said despairingly. "I know it sucks, but – but jeez! You need to tell Rainah. You need to break up with her, or at least stop … acting the way you are! You've been seeing her for almost a month! You can't keep going around flirting with Jade."

"We don't flirt!" he squeaked, flushing hotter.

Tori just raised her eyebrow at him and said nothing.

Robbie sighed heavily. "I know, okay?" he said. "I'll stop – I'll, I'll figure it out."

Tori nodded a little, then turned her hundred-watt smile back on as Steve Strickland wandered into the room, looking lost, and a little high, as he generally did.

* * *

That had been Saturday, and it's now Tuesday afternoon, the sound of the last bell echoing through the hallways and classrooms of Hollywood Arts. Robbie manages to extract himself with his conversation from SinJin about the lankier boy's new hot oil hair treatments, slipping out into the hallway with his bookbag hiked up one shoulder.

It is Tuesday, and he's heading to Rainah's locker to meet her, and he still hasn't talked to her. Well, no, he has – he'd called her Sunday morning, wracked with guilt at having forgot her the previous night. Rainah had laughed it off. She hadn't been angry with him at all. She'd been busy with her music homework and watching her twin siblings. And Spanglish had been on TV. It's her favorite Adam Sandler movie.

It is Tuesday, and he and Rainah are going out to eat. Jade had sat next to him at lunch, but he hadn't let himself get too close, and he hadn't let her dig into his pocket to try and get at his wallet. Tori is right – their behavior isn't appropriate for two people who are just friends, especially when Robbie has a – gulp – a sort of girlfriend, and Jade has a … well, whatever it is that Steven Strickland is to her. A lackey. A pet.

When he reaches Rainah's locker, he comes up behind her, giving her long hair a little tug, and he tries not to think of Jade saying _Strawberry, Agent Orange, Bloodbag_ in his head.

Rainah turns a little, smiling. "Hey Rob." She suddenly throws herself with surprising force at her locker, the sound of her should hitting it creating a loud metallic clanking that echoes through the quickly emptying hallway. Her lock groans and slides back open anyway, stuffed to the brim with too many textbooks. Rainah is actually somehow taking nine classes this year, even though the students only have eight periods, and most everyone uses up one for lunch. And she has a study hall somehow, too!

"You knew it was me?" he asks, leaning down to help her collect her papers.

"Um, yeah," Rainah says, laughing at him a little. "Who else would pull my hair? Plus, I was waiting for you."

For some reason, those last words fill his gut with a hollow feeling.

"Sorry," he says. "SinJin was talking to me."

"That's fine!" Rainah breezes. "SinJin – what a weird name. Well, a weird spelling. Do you know if he's named after anyone?"

"Like who?" Robbie asks.

Rainah gives him a little smirk, a face that he likes, the face she makes before she busts out with her smart-girl stuff. Rainah reads a lot of nonfiction, too, almost as much as him. "Saint John, the Apostle, from the Bible? Possibly a million Popes. A Roman martyr. John Lennon, maybe."

"Rainah, I don't know about that stuff," he tells her, handing her her papers and leaning against the locker next to his. "I like _McCartney_. And I'm a dirty Jew, remember?"

His sort-of girlfriend snorts, taking her notebooks from him and trying to cram them into her locker from a different angle. "Oh, you are not. Anyway, I think it was a more popular name a few years ago. My mom used to lead this Bible study - ? And this one kid's dad was named that, but it was spelling different, actually spelled 'Saint John' -" She spells it out for him, then, St. John, S-T J-O-H-N.

"I don't know," she says, shrugging, her locker finally closed. "It's neat – I guess, but I think his parents just named him weird."

"It is neat," he tells her, holding his hand out, and she smiles again, handing him her messenger bag, which he slings over his free shoulder. "You're smart-girl. It's cool."

Rainah rolls her eyes as they head down the hallway. "No, not smart," she says. "Just crazy-religious-family girl. Oh, and wasn't-allowed-to-read-Judy-Blume-books girl."

"That's a shame," Robbie tells her. "Summer Sisters is really good."

Rainah gasps and slaps him. "Robbie Shapiro! You did not read that book!"

He laughs and jumps away from her, an easy grin sliding across his face. "What? Okay, no, but my sister has it. What's wrong with Judy Blume? My dad used to read me Freckle Juice when I was little."

"Um, Summer Sisters is sort of ... explicit," Rainah tells him. "I mean, I know Jessica is thirteen, but jeez! Next she'll be reading 50 Shades of Gray!"

"Is it really?" Robbie asks, furrowing his brow. First Summer Sisters, and now Rainbow Boys, which Jade had laughed and told him was some sort of gay romp. "What's 50 Shades of Gray?"

"Nothing," says Rainah quickly, sounding a bit horrified. "Really, nothing - don't Google it."

"Okay … " Robbie says doubtfully, wondering, and Rainah laughs at him again. They settle into his car easily. Rainah doesn't kick at his dashboard in order to push her seat back, she doesn't call him grandma when he backs out of his parking spot more carefully.

"Have you decided where you want to go?" he asks her as they get onto the highway.

Rainah makes a mulling face as she holds her arm out of the window, letting it rolls up and down in the wind, as if she's surfing in the air. "I was thinking maybe that new salad place?" she says. "That way, well, you can have your pick of things too. Maybe we can eat in the park? It's such a nice day out."

"You want to eat in the park?" Robbie asks depressedly. Holly Springs park is the closest to where they'll be. They're sure to run into people they know there, people Robbie isn't particularly thrilled to see. There's not reason he should not want to be with Rainah if he runs into Jade or Strickland or Kevin Vargas, but it makes his gut clench slightly, for some reason.

Rainah looks bummed at his lack of enthusiasm. "I mean, we don't have to. I just thought - "

"No, we can," Robbie interjects quickly. He owes her this, he thinks. "It's fine. Just thinking about my allergies."

"Oh, okay," Rainah says doubtfully. "Will you be okay?"

"Of course," he says dismissively, switching lanes. "It's fine. It's a nice day."

Rainah smiles happily at him. They drive to Planet of Salad, keeping mostly quiet. Robbie fiddles with the radio, and Rainah lets him play his classic rock. Instead the restaurant, they assemble their salads at the long buffet row. Rainah wrinkles her nose up. "Ew, I hate cherry tomatoes!" she says.

"Me too," Robbie says.

Robbie pays for their food, as the boy should, as the boyfriend should, and Rainah beams at him, balances their boxes of food and bottled sodas as he opens his wallet. Rainah is drinking diet soda, like him. No problem there. No gross pineapple, and she won't sneakily switch his cup of diet with her grape so that when he goes to take a drink he spews the whole drink all over the table in surprise and disgust.

When they get to the parking, it's past three, and the sun is highest in the sky. There aren't too many people here today, Robbie notes thankfully, as they settle down on the soft grass just beyond one of the basketball courts. Rainah digs through the bags and hands him his salad and his plastic fork. She's so thoughtful.

Rainah points out two figures that he's been trying to ignore. "Isn't that your friend, Jade? And her boyfriend?"

"He's not her boyfriend," Robbie says before he can help himself. He swallows hard and looks down at his salad, wilting quickly in the warm day.

"Oh, okay." Rainah shrugs. "Don't you want to go and say hi?"

"Not really," Robbie starts to say, but Jade's looking up and across the field at them now, and then Steve's standing and waving, tugging Jade's arm as he starts towards them. Great. Wonderful. He shoves the biggest mouthful of salad into his mouth that he can manage.

"Hey, Rob," Strickland says, his impassivity bordering on happiness, his hand still around Jade's wrist. Jade looks disgruntled, taking a long inhale of her cigarette.

"Hummphmushuh," says Robbie. He chokes slightly, then swallows. "Hey Steve." He clears his throat. "What's … uh, what's doing?"

"Nothing much," Steve says, letting his hand slide from Jade's arm. "Dining with your lady?"

"Um, yeah," Robbie stutters. "This is – do you guys know Rainah?"

Steve leans over and down to shake Rainah's hand, a perfect gentleman. "Hey."

Jade puffs out a disturbingly alarming amount of smoke at them. "Riesa," she says, blandly.

Robbie and Rainah cringe, waving her smoke away. "It's Rainah, actually," Robbie corrects her. Rainah giggles and shifts next to Robbie, allowing her knee to rest against his.

"It's okay," she says. "Jade – we met before. Alexis's party?"

"Oh yeah? Sorry, don't remember." Jade smokes some more. Robbie rolls his eyes. Steve rolls them too.

"Jadelyn, can you help me with that thing now?"

Jade's eyes narrow at the misappropriation of her name. "What thing?" she demands.

"That thing – that thing thing. The important thing."

"What are you - " Jade begins to snap, before Steve is grabbing up her arm again and dragging her away down the grass.

"Sorry, dudes," he says over his shoulder. "I got real big problems."

Robbie and Rainah watch them leave, watching up the cross the opposite side of field and disappear behind the bleachers. What real big problem does Steve have? And, oh no, he thinks dispassionately, when did he start calling him 'Steve' in his head, instead of 'Strickland?'

Rainah turns back to Robbie, stabbing her salad lightly and chewing neatly before she speaks. "Your friend Jade is – sort of rude."

"Yeah, I know," Robbie says, glancing again to the bleachers. "She's always like that."

Rainah smiles. "It's okay. I have some friends that are sort of nasty, that I can't seem to get rid of."

What? She thinks he wants to get rid of Jade? Does she think he doesn't like her? He feels – he feels embarrassed, for himself and for her and for Jade, and a little indignant, a little affronted on Jade's part.

"Oh, no, you don't understand," he protests. "I mean, she's really great, she's amaz- she's cool, she just – acts that way sometimes."

Rainah furrows her brow. "Yeah?" she asks doubtfully. "Well, I've never seen her be anything but mean. My friend, Danny? He's a sophomore. You know him, he worked on your film last year? He said Jade filled his locker with Jello for no reason at all!"

Robbie furrows his brow back. "Well, she must have had _some_ reason."

Rainah looks at him, unimpressed. She hesitates for a moment – she looks like she has a lot to say on the matter, but eventually she drops his gaze, her eyes going back to her plate, and she picks at her salad some more. "I just think it's a bit extreme," she says carefully.

"Hmm," Robbie frowns. "You just don't know her, is all."

"Maybe," says Rainah lightly. She eats her salad, and she doesn't say much else.

Robbie chokes down the rest of his food, not really hungry anymore, and he talks to her to fill the silence, which he thinks she appreciates, though her smile is still a little off, for some reason. He tells her about how he's probably going to get to man then spotlight for the upperclassman play – Grease, and of course his friend Beck is staring. He tells her about SinJin and his new hair products ("His hair does look good straightened," Rainah comments).

By the time they're done eating and have thrown out their trash, Rainah is normal again, and she grabs at his hand and holds it until they reach his car. "What do you want to do now?" Robbie asks her. "Do you want to watch a movie at my house? Hey, do you like Vincent Price?"

"Who?" says Rainah, but then she's wrinkling her nose and pouting before he can answer. "I have so much homework, Robbie. And I need to practice my cello solo, for the showcase? I didn't work on it all weekend. I'm swamped."

"Oh, okay," Robbie says, sort of disappointed. "I'll just drive you home then?"

"I'm sorry," says Rainah sadly.

"It's okay," he says. "It was just nice to see you."

"Yeah," she smiles.

So he drives her home and he holds her hand, being a daredevil with just one hand on the steering wheel, and they listen to Creedence Clearwater, and it's nice. She doesn't belt out the lyrics as Jade would, and he would feel silly singing along without her, but it's nice nonetheless. When he reaches her house, he walks her to the door, and he gives her a little kiss, half on the mouth, half on the cheek, and he feels her face crinkle up as she smiles.

"See you later, Rob," she says, and she slips inside.

**Author's Note: Sorry that I got onto a bit of a Judy Blume kick, I've been cleaning out my room and was feeling nostalgic as I found all my old, old books. I haven't read Summer Sisters, but wikipedia is my friend, and I was like, Oh my God, Judy Blume wrote a sort of gay book! And I needed to mention 50 Shades of Gray because I PM the wonderous even lovers drown and somehow it came up and we'll probably never read it, but I crack myself up in ways that are completely unfathomable. **

**Also, the SinJin thing – sorry, also, for the little history lessons I'm always shoving into chapters! The spelling of his name has always bugged me, but I just found out that 'SinJin' actually is an alternate way of spelling it. I've just always wondered about the writers' choices for that one.**


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter Forty-Four**

Ultimately, when it has all been said and done, the last act of our tale – the story of how Robbie Shapiro gets his girl - is not really fit for a finale.

There are not, not really, any grand physical gestures on either party's part. Robbie doesn't sneak Cat's brother's collection of fireworks into the gym and set them off in sequences to write Jade West's name. He doesn't seize the mic at the December Showcase and perform a love song which he's completely revamped out of nothing over the course of a single night, and have a confused Andre see the light midway through and chime in with miraculous backing vocals.

As well, Jade does not pull a series of elaborately comical and backfiring schemes in order to try and break him up with Rainah, montage-style. She doesn't dress up like John Cusack and come to Robbie's house after dark, lugging a gigantic stereo on her shoulders.

How it goes is: Jade simply comes to him, and she tells him what she wants. There's a little bit more in between, but not much.

Robbie's walking down the hallway that Thursday, three days after their brief meeting at the park, heading for first period, when Jade swoops in out of seemingly nowhere and pulls him into an empty music room. The freshman brass section, maybe, Robbie thinks absently, as he knocks a tuba with his hip.

"Jade!" he squeaks out, choking a little as she yanks too roughly on his shirt collar. Jade sidles away from him for a moment, closing the door behind them and looking around furtively.

"I need to talk to you," she says in a dark tone.

"Uh – all right?" He fixes his collar. He looks at her expectantly.

She crosses her arms, drops them, rests them on her hips. She sighs and she glares at him.

"Do you – do you want something?"

"Yes!" she shouts at him, and he recoils slightly. Then she lets out another irritation-riddled sigh, dropping her arms again. She shifts her weight from foot to foot. She runs her hands through her hair. She narrows her eyes at him. She chews on her bottom lip.

He waits, fidgeting. "Do you - ?"

"Shut up!" she says sharply. "I – give me a second."

"Okay," he says. He waits.

Jade sort of growls then, crossing her arms once more. She's facing him, but her body is shifted completely away from him, completely closed off. "I need to talk to you," she says again.

"Okay," he says, agreeably enough. "What's up – what do you want?"

"I want you to stop seeing Rainah!" she bursts out.

"You want – what?" he breathes out, shocked - as far as he'd known, she couldn't even care to remember Rainah's name! "You – why? How come?"

Jade growls again, her eyes rolling round in a violent circle. "Can you just shut up?" she says.

"Yes!" he says, but apparently he can't: "Why – why do you - ?"

"Because. It makes me. Upset," she bites out, looking agitated.

"Oh," he says dumbly. "You – why?"

Jade closes her eyes. She rubs at her forehead with one hand, looking very put upon. "Jesus Christ," she mutters to herself. Then she lets her hand drop, opens her eyes and looks at him. "Because I – I like you, okay, Shapiro?"

"What?" he cries, mouth dropping open.

Jade's hands ball up into fists. "I _like you,_" she snarls.

"You – you like me?" She _likes him_! "Wait, what?" She_ likes him_?

"I like you," Jade grits out for the third time, looking excessively pained and aggrieved.

"You do?" Robbie goggles.

"Yes!" Jade hollers. The suddenness of her shout backs him jump back a step.

"_Really?_"

"Yes," she repeats, resigned.

"You – how?" He can't seem to keep his mouth from falling open. "I – you – I mean, how do you like me?"

Jade purses her mouth in irritation. "What do you mean?" she asks him. "How does anyone like anyone?"

"I – what? I mean, you like me? Do you like me like me?" He can feel her staring at him. "I mean, or ... do you just like me?"

She scowls. "You - oh Jesus. I like you like you. Christ. Just as Kevin Arnold likes Winnie frickin' Cooper, I _like_ you, Robbie."

"... Whuh?"

"Oh, Christ, you don't even know the show you're referencing!" she snarls, put-upon. "I freaking – I like you, okay? You drive me batshit, but I'm just so - I like you. And I can't – well – so you – you need to stop seeing Rainah."

"I … okay … " he says slowly, trying to slow his head from reeling. Who is Kevin Arnold? What show is she talking about?

She likes him!

"So do you still - " Jade pauses, looking nervous. "Do you still – like, you like me?"

"Yeah, I like you," he gulps. "I mean, you know I like you. You like me?"

"_Yes,_" Jade grumbles.

"Why? I mean – well, why?"

Jade looks sort of stricken. "You want to know why I like you?" she cries incredulously, folding her arms across her chest once more, in her mandatory protective position.

"It … it would be nice," Robbie manages. "To know. Because I have no idea. Why you would." He struggles, then adds: "Since you said you didn't."

Jade looks aggrieved. "I know I said that," she says quietly. "I thought – that it would go away."

"Oh," says Robbie. He knows what that feels like. "Jade, I - " He breaks off, trying to think of exactly what he wants to say. How he wants to say it. All that she's said. He can't let her steamroll him again, not this time. It's too much. He won't be able to take it.

Jade looks at him expectantly. Robbie speaks again. "Look, I _lo_ – you know, I like, _like_ you. Too. And I need to talk to Rainah. Anyway. Because she isn't you. But I need to know … why you like me … so I can know what to tell her. Because I can't do anything before you tell me why."

Jade sort of nods briskly, once, at him, like she gets it. Her eyes roam everywhere, like a caged animal's, before they land on him. "Well … well … you wanna know_ right now_?" she asks, her tone bordering on hysterical.

"No," he says slowly, carefully, "you don't have to tell me now if you don't want."

Jade harumphs and takes a step back, frowning a little bit, and chewing on her bottom lip. "You want me to _say it?_" she asks, like he's just asked her to perform a root canal on herself without anesthesia.

"Uh," he says, wracking his brain. "You can, I guess, you can, maybe, write it down, if you want?"

"Like a list?" Jade asks doubtfully.

"Yeah! Like – like a list."

Jade steels her shoulders. "Okay," she says. "Yeah. I can do that. I'll … I'll make a list."

"Okay," he says back, and now that she has agreed to tell him why, to be straight with him about her feelings, for once, instead of being the elusive creature she is, he can relax, finally, finally, in her presence. He lets himself smile at her, and it threatens to overtake his entire face, to overtake the entire room. _SHE LIKES HIM!_

Jade sort of growls back. "Give me, like, a day or something."

"Okay."

Now she's backing up, still looking at him all warily like he's going to – well, Moses, he has no clue what she thinks he's going to do or why she's looking at him that way. She says, "Don't make out with that girl, if you're gonna, til after I give it to you."

"Okay," he says, still beaming. He watches her back up the doorframe.

"Okay," she says back, in affirmation. She makes her sour lemon face at him. "I guess I'll, like, see you."

She disappears. Robbie takes a minute to calm himself down – she _LIKES HIM!_ - then he leaves the classroom too. He moves quickly, making it to the band room just before the late bell rings. Andre's sitting in his metal chair in the corner of the room, tuning a new string to his acoustic guitar as Robbie hurriedly takes his own seat beside him. Andre looks up, giving him a small bemused grin. Robbie beams back. His smile threatens to crack his face.

"What are you all happy about?" Andre asks.

"Nothing," Robbie says. "Just things."

"Hmm," says his friend, giving him a little smile.

* * *

In Math Lab, Rainah beams too, and greets him. Robbie smiles back nervously, feeling like a traitor. "Hello hello," she says, walking past him to take her seat, giving the string of his hoodie a cute little tug. "What's up? How are you doing?"

Robbie feels like a dirt-ball as he lets his gaze float over her. This happy, smiling girl: her long, light red hair floating and sort of curling into a loose braid, the pale freckles on her face, her sweet pink-and-green girly-fitted t shirt, her bright necklace and bracelets. The sort of girl who doesn't get mad and hit him the next day when he forgets to call her at the time he's promised, the sort of girl who just breezes into class and asks him how he is, wants to know about his day, and he knows she genuinely cares, actually wants to hear about what he's been doing, and isn't just waiting to make a mean pun.

And she doesn't squeeze his heart, not like she should.

He could say, _Well, I spoke to Jade earlier – you know, that girl you met, who blew smoke in our faces and was calling you by the wrong name on purpose? Well, I met up with Jade, who I'm in love with, and she likes me back, but I don't really know how much, or why. She's going to write me a list to tell me why because she can't be vulnerable to your face under any circumstances, or more than likely, what'll happen is that she'll probably just completely flip out again and stop speaking to me, maybe __forever this time, but yeah, that doesn't matter, since I'm totally crazy for her, and I can't stop it, so really, I'm doing great, and I'm doing terrible, and how are you today, Rainah?_ And then she could say, _Oh, Robbie, I'm fine, and that's wonderful for you, and it explains a lot, I suppose that's the reason why you haven't given me a real kiss yet, and anyway, I'm so glad for you, and I'll just step out of the way quietly, good luck!_

So instead he just says, "I'm okay. I'm good." He lifts the corners of his lips at her.

Rainah smiles back at him. "That's good," she says.

Jade isn't at lunch, and she isn't in English the following period, though in all honesty, Robbie hadn't expected her to be. Jade West isn't the type of person the burst out with something like that, something emotional, and then sit calmly beside you, eating her sandwich or taking notes. But by the time it's late afternoon, almost dinner time, he's starting to … fret a little bit.

How much time does it take a girl like Jade to make a list of things she enjoys about a guy like Robbie? Honestly, there can't be many reasons, he thinks. He has no idea of the time limit, the time-frame, for these situations, these crazy-girls-liking-you situations. He wonders if he should text her, what he should say, will he seem too eager, or is he sending her a bad signal by not texting her?

"Robbie, are you upset about something?" his mother asks him. She must have seen the note he'd left for her over the weekend and felt badly that she had essentially run her children out of the house, for she's been home early both yesterday and today, puttering around, taking Jess shopping and generally annoying the chizz out of Robbie with her hovering. Currently, they're eating dinner, chicken and green beans all mixed together in some sauce that Mom has promised Robbie thrice won't kill him.

"No," says Robbie, still fretting.

Jess chomps her chicken loudly, like the poised young lady she is. "Mom, Robbie's upset because he likes a girl and she doesn't want him back."

"Shut up!" Robbie says, flustered. He throws one of his green beans at her. It hits her on the cheek and then slides down, landing on her own plate and leaving a grey-white saucy smear on her face.

"Robert!" his mother gasps, appalled.

"Sorry," he says. He's actually not very sorry.

Jess just smirks at him and eats the green bean with her hands, then uses her napkin to wipe her face.

Mom looks back and forth between her two children, her angry diffusing to befuddlement as she sees that neither are upset. Then she cocks her head to the side. "So … " she says carefully. "What girl is this?"

"_Mom_!" Robbie wails. Jess cackles in glee.

"I'm just asking!" says Mom, holding her hands up a little in surrender. Her nails are done up, perfect and red. She picks her fork back up, shrugs, pushes her utensil around her plate. "I know that you're resentful because I'm never home, but you don't tell me anything anyway."

"It's not because of _that,_" Robbie mutters. He shoves his mouth full of chicken so that he doesn't have to answer any more of her questions.

Mom keeps pestering him anyway! "So, really," she says primly. "What girl?"

Robbie shovels more chicken into his mouth. His cheeks puff out grotesquely. Jess stares at him in rabid interest.

Mom makes a disapproving face at him. "Well, I hope it's not that little redheaded girl, the one that never stops talking" she says. "I think she's trouble. What was that she was saying last week about her brother?"

Robbie groans around his mouthful of food.

"Don't grunt at me, Robert! I know you liked Caterina for a while."

Finally swallowing his food, Robbie practically yells, "You _knew_ about that?"

Mom looks affronted. "Of course I did!"

Oh, lord. EVERYONE had known he'd liked Cat for so long. He wonders if even President Obama's known. Maybe they'd done a special about what a homely loser Robbie was on CNN.

"Well it's not her anymore," he says grumpily.

"Now Robbie likes Ja-ade," Jess sing-songs. Robbie looks at her murderously.

"Really? _Jade?_" says Mom in amazement. For a brief second, she actually ages twenty-some years backwards, becoming a giddy high school girl, eager for gossip. Then she quickly sets her Mom-face back on. "That's interesting," she says lightly.

"What's wrong with Jade?" Robbie demands.

"Nothing's wrong with Jade," Mom says, and she takes another bite of food. "She's a bit abrasive."

"She is not abrasive!" says Robbie.

Mom just looks at him, chewing.

"Fine," he snaps. "So what if she's abrasive?"

Mom shrugs. "Nothing," she says. "I don't care – _I_ won't be dating her. You can see whomever you want."

"Too bad he's seeing Rainah and not Jade," Jess adds helpfully.

"Jess!" Robbie hollers.

Mom looks startled. "_Who _is_ Rainah?_" she asks. "Is she that other brunette girl? The, you know, the sort of spastic one? The one that broke my snowglobe?"

Robbie waves his fork at her. "No, Mom, that's Tori," he says absently. "Rainah is just some girl."

"Wow, Robbie, some girl, that's real nice to say about your _girlfriend,_" Jess says.

"_You_ shut your venomous little trap!" Robbie tells her, picking up another green bean to toss at her.

"Robbie," Mom says warningly. "Put that bean down."

"Yeah, Robbie," taunts Jess happily. "Put that bean down!"

"Jessica Lynn! Don't you egg him on either!" Mom turns her sharp gaze over to Jess. Jess pouts. Mom had pulled the middle name trick on her - that will cow anyone in the Shapiro household. Robbie sticks her tongue out at her, and she follows suit.

"You're a jerk," Robbie tells her.

"Geek."

"You –! Butthead!"

"Butt_face!_"

"Skunkbag."

"Hobknocker."

Robbie gasps, affronted. "_Jess!_" She gives him a slightly apologetic look, chewing her chicken.

Mom sighs. "Have we not progressed onwards from gradeschool taunts?"

"No," say Robbie and Jess.

Mom looks aggrieved, as she should. Robbie eats the rest of his dinner, thankful that she doesn't ask any more questions.

* * *

In the morning, he drives Tori to school. She's pretty quiet, her seat pushed far back and her knees drawn up on it, scribbling into her Anatomy notebook and frowning at Robbie's old notes.

"I don't want to cut up this frog," she tells him mournfully. Robbie remembers back to Tyler, his own frog. He remembers his lab partner Chrissy fleeing the room and leaving him alone with the incision knife. He hopes Tori's partner won't leave her to the same fate.

At Hollywood Arts, he waits for Tori at her locker, and then she waits at his. He covertly scans the halls for Jade, but she's nowhere to be seen. Steve Strickland wanders by, saying hey. He claps Robbie on the shoulder and gives a lock of Tori's hair a little tug. Tori squeaks at him eloquently as he passes.

"Do you have a _crush,_ Tori?" Robbie asks teasingly.

"No!" Tori huffs.

"Hmm," says Robbie.

Tori sticks her nose in the air. "He's a smoker," she says disdainfully. "You know how I feel about that."

"Jade smokes," he offers. "And you know how I feel about that."

Tori sniffs. "Yeah, well. I'm not_ in love_ with him like you are. I mean Jade, not Steve." She jabs him in the ribs. "He's just really hot. You're so lucky to be friends with the hottest guy in school!" Her eyes form those heart-shaped pupils again. He supposes her love of Steve's face is preventing her from being mean to him about Jade, and he feels grateful for that.

Robbie rolls his eyes at her anyway. "Yeah," he says, "it's a dream come true." Tori giggles.

Jade isn't at lunch again, and Robbie frowns all over the table. Steve Strickland comes and sits with them, for some reason, for some annoying reason. Tori, Cat, and Alison all let out a collective sigh at his beauty or something. Beck and Andre look annoyed. Robbie isn't bothered, though. As long as _Jade_ doesn't sigh at him.

Steve talks with Robbie and Andre about their Guitar Theory classes – he'd taken two of them last semester. Andre actually looks sort of impressed by Steve. He probably hadn't thought that Steve could speak in full sentences either Cat and Tori spill their lunches on each other and giggle whenever Steve says something to them. Beck keeps his arm firmly around Ali, who rolls her eyes at him, seeing right through him.

Robbie's settled down in English class with his textbook and the reading notes he'd taken the previous night out, resigned to another Jade-less class period of wondering, when the late bell rings, and she darts inside the classroom, looking around surreptitiously. She slides into her seat beside Robbie.

"Hey," he offers.

"Hey," she grunts back. He frowns a little at her. Is this how she's going to be? Has she changed her mind about him already? Perhaps he should have texted her.

Jade digs around in her messenger bag – he notes that there are messy splotches of red and black marker on the bottom now, possibly from Jefferson – and then she pulls out a piece of construction paper, neatly folded many times into a small square.

"Here," she says, tossing it onto Robbie's desk. The teacher, setting up the overhead projector, gives them a dark look, but thankfully she doesn't confiscate the note. Jade stares daggers back at her – perhaps that's why. A few weeks ago, when Sikowitz had tried to read a note Cat had passed to her aloud, Jade had flipped over his overhead projector. Sikowitz hadn't even given her detention! Just a new part in the play. Probably word gets around in the teaching circuit.

Robbie picks up the little square of paper, intending to unwrap it. Jade slaps at his wrist. "Don't read it, like, _now,_" she hisses.

"Okay," he says, dropping it. He slides it into his pocket for later. Their teacher clears her throat then, and he and Jade look up, pretending to pay attention.

"So … " Robbie begins hesitantly when the class ends and they're packing up their stuff.

Jade shoots him a little glance, looking amused. "So Steve sat with you guys at lunch, huh?" she says.

"Yes he did," Robbie says emphatically, and laughs.

Jade smirks. "How was that?"

"Oh, it was okay. Cat didn't talk for practically the whole period, which was nice. She's starstruck, I guess." Jade laughs. "Yeah," he says.

Jade chews on her bottom lip, shifting her bag on her shoulder. She tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear and looks at him quickly.

Robbie clears his throat. "So, um … "

"Yeah," says Jade in agreement.

"Do you … ?" he doesn't know how to finish.

"Maybe you'll want to hang out later," Jade says carefully.

"Yeah," he says. "I'm sure I will."

"You don't have a date?"

"Um, no," Robbie laughs. Oh god, Rainah. Oh god, Jade. He feels the note, heavy in his pocket. What does it say?

"Okay," says Jade. "Well, maybe I'll see you later then."

"Okay," Robbie says back. "I'll, like – I'll call you?"

"Okay," says Jade again. They walk out of the classroom, not really talking, but together nonetheless.

Robbie fobs his way through another guitar theory and through his production class. SinJin knocks over a camera and breaks it. The teacher hollers. Robbie thinks about the things Rainah's told him about his name. What will he say to Rainah? He needs to stop seeing her, needs to break up with her, even if he opens up Jade's letter and all it says is JUST KIDDING in big block letters. Tomorrow, he thinks.

He drives Tori home. She invites him to come in for a few minutes, but he declines, saying he has things to do. She accepts his excuses pretty easily. She doesn't yell at him about Rainah today, doesn't ask about Jade.

He gets home and he wanders around his house. He cleans the kitchen, he does the dishes. He folds the throw blankets Jess's left all around the living room. He does his homework. Finally he can't ignore it any longer, and he pulls the note Jade has written in out of his pocket. She's written her list in neat, blue sharpie, contrasting nicely with the yellow of the construction paper. It takes up almost the whole page.

_1. I like your stupid hair._

_2. You remember to do things later that I tell you to do. Like helping Cat with her essay._

_3. I like that you know ridiculous facts about everything ever and that you tell them to me._

_4. My idiot brother is in love with you._

_5. I like all of your dumb sweaters (but not the orange one)._

_6. You're the only person I know who's as smart as me … well, almost._

_7. You helped me with my mom._

_8. You never make fun of my dad._

_9. I like that you can't curse, ever, except once in my room._

_10. You have a nice mouth._

_11. Also actually you aren't that bad of a kisser._

_12. We don't argue about what movies to watch._

_13. You don't try and make me be nice to people._

_14. I need to keep you around because I know some day you'll need me to stab you with that pen!_

_15. I like that twisting sort of face that you make when you think I've said something super shitty and not PC._

_16. The soap you use smells really good._

_17. You aren't an asshole about the music I listen to._

_18. What about the children?_

_19. Is this enough?_

_20. You have nice forearms, even though the one's all cut up._

By the time he's finished reading, he's surely grinning, and his face feel hot from the blush that has crept up over his neck. _You do, you do, you're the only, you don't, I like, you are, you have._

Jade West likes him. Nothing else really matters that much.

**Author's Note: Wee!**

**I think I used up the quota for how many times I can use the word 'like' in a chapter.  
**

**Interesting fact that Cenobite shared with me about Cyclops. I wish I had known that! I would have had Rainah say something about it, as she's totally a Marvel girl, and not DC. Oh well. Also, rereading, I caught roughly a bazillion typos in the last two chapters. Sorry! Eventually I will go back and fix them.**

**Thanks to everyone, again, who's favorite'd this story and has put me on author alert, and to my little group of reviewers. I love to hear what you all think, even if it's just a little blurb to say that you are actually reading. You guys are totally what keeps this story going.**


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter Forty-Five**

After a few minutes more spent in his room, sitting at his desk and beaming down idiotically at a piece of construction paper, Robbie sits up straighter and he gets himself into gear.

He checks his watch. It's a quarter past four. He should – well, what he wants to do is to call Jade, but he knows he shouldn't let himself do that, not yet. He needs to – he needs to go to Rainah's house.

He wishes he could skip out on this part. He wonders, now, why he had ever thought it would be a good idea to try and ask someone out.

Rainah answers on the fifth ring when Robbie calls her cell phone, just before the machine sends it to voicemail. "Hello?" she asks in a doubtful tone.

"Um, hi," says Robbie. He wonders if he can do this over the phone, but quickly dismisses that. He is a big fat jerk, but not that big or that fat.

"Robbie?" Rainah says in the same doubtful voice, and it's then that he remembers that the reason why they aren't hanging out today is because she's said she needs to study to a multitude of upcoming tests. "Do you want something?"

"Uh – yes. Could I, maybe, come over for a while?"

"Come _over_?" Rainah says, sort of incredulously, actually. "Rob – I'm sort of busy."

"I know, I know!" he yelps. "Just – I really need to talk to you."

Rainah doesn't say anything for a moment, and he can picture the small twisted little frown that's probably on her face as she thinks it over. She always makes a face like that when she's weighing the pros and cons of something. He is learning her, too. "You can't say it over the phone?"

No. A big, emphatic no. A wildly emphatic no.

"Not really."

"Well, all right," says Rainah, sounding resigned. "Hurry up and get here, then!" Her tone lightens and she adds: "Silly. Come on, I've got lots of history homework!"

Robbie feels bad. He wishes she had just stayed surly – it would make this easier on him. "Okay," he says. "I'll come over now. I'll be quick."

Rainah affirms, and they hang up. Robbie quickly slides back into his shoes and pulls his sweater back on. He doesn't put any Chapstick on, so maybe Rainah won't be so saddened at the thought of the loss of his nice mouth.

His nice mouth!

Don't be giddy, he chastises himself firmly as he heads down the staircase and out to the driveway. Not now.

He drives carefully, albeit a little fast, and reaches Rainah's house in record time. She answers the door almost immediately. She's still wearing the same clothes that she wore to school; she still looks nice, looks like Rainah. "Hey," she greets him, giving him a small smile. "You wanna come in?"

"Um – actually," Robbie chokes out. "You wanna just talk out here? I – it wont take long, I promise."

Rainah shoots him a wary look, then comes to stand out on the porch beside him, closing the door behind her. She wraps her arms around herself. "It's a little chilly," she murmurs absently, then looks up at him again expectantly. He doesn't offer her his sweater – he's only wearing a t-shirt underneath, and he doesn't want her to see his arms and question him. He feels like a jerk. "So, what's up?"

"Um, I – ah, you - " he starts. "Well, you see, I – there's this thing - "

Rainah just looks unimpressed. "Homework, Robbie!" she tells him somewhat manically, her voice a little high. "Try to spit it out, please?"

"Wehavetobreakup," he says all in a rush.

Rainah's eyebrows shoot up her forehead. "What?" she says.

Robbie coughs and clears his throat. His palms are sweating, and he wipes them on the legs of his jeans. "We have to break up," he tells her, more clearly now.

"Why?" Rainah's really frowning now.

Peppercorns. Oh jeez.

"Um," says Robbie. "Well, you see – uh – there's, there's this thing, and I need to tell you - "

Rainah's face smooths out into impassivity. "You like someone else," she says flatly.

Robbie's mouth drops open and he stares at her. "I - " he croaks, then falls silent. Rainah just looks at him, waiting. He clears his throat again. "I'm really sorry," he says emphatically. "I didn't think – that anything could come of it. And I really like you. I just - "

"Hmm," says Rainah, crossing her arms again. She leans against the porch railing for a moment. She looks up at him. The wind is whipping her hair all about her face, and she raises her arms up from her waist to try and contain it. "Who is it?"

"I – it's, um, it's Jade. That girl from the park. She - ?"

Rainah makes her twisty frown face. "Yes, I know who Jade is," she says shortly.

"I'm so sorry," he says again. He doesn't know what else he can say. "I just – it's not fair to you, I mean. Even if. Well. Well I - "

"She likes you back?" Rainah interrupts him.

"I – I think so," he says, his voice all croaky again. He clears his throat once more. "She just told me – and I can't – well, I haven't, um, spoken to her again yet, I needed to talk to you first, it's just, I've liked her since, like, you know, last year, I guess, but she never cared, and then, the, you, and I just – I really like you, but it's the, she's – and I'm – very sorry - "

"It's all right," Rainah says, breaking through his stammering.

Robbie goggles at her. "It is?"

"I guess so," is all she says. "I mean, it has to be, doesn't it?"

"You – you – aren't you mad at me?"

Rainah gives him a hard little smile, and he cringes. Should have just left it at 'it is,' Shapiro, he thinks. "Uh. I'm a little mad, yeah."

"I'm sorry - " he starts to squeak out once more, but Rainah cuts him off to say, "Because asking me out, Robbie? Or, well, letting me ask you out, when you liked another girl? Not cool. That's really not cool. And then you let it go on for so long!"

"I know," says Robbie in misery.

"But, you know," Rainah purses her lips at him, pushing some of her long light-red hair back behind her ear, "it's not like I haven't sort of done the same thing to someone."

"Really?" he asks, surprised.

She shrugs and she smirks a sad little smirk up at him. It makes him feel very horrible. "I mean - " she pauses to laugh a little - "it didn't exactly work out for me like it is for you. He never ended up liking me back. So it just sort of, like, petered out, I guess."

"Rainah, I am so sorry," Robbie says earnestly. "I never meant – I mean, I'm just so sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings, even a little bit."

"It's okay." Rainah shrugs again. "Honestly, I sort of knew something was up. Like, after we hit the three week point and hadn't even made out? Yeah."

"Er," says Robbie, blushing.

"And after that day we saw Jade in the park? Then I definitely knew. You aren't exactly subtle, Robbie."

"It was bad?" he asks. What a jerk he is! He'd been mooning over Jade right in front of her, hadn't he? He's a dirt-ball. More than that, he's a dirt-clod. He's a … a … well, a really big pile of dirt. That has chemical waste on it. That's not good for the environment. And -

Rainah's started to talk while he's been mentally berating himself. "Not too bad," she says, and now she just looks sad. "I just know what it looks like when someone likes someone else. Even when the person they like is … " she makes a considering face - " … not very nice."

How is she possibly restraining herself on the topic of Jade, whom he knows that she hasn't liked since before he dropped this bomb on her? She is a far, far better person than he.

"I'm _so_ sorry," is all he can say.

Rainah sort of snorts at him. "It's all right, Robbie. I mean, I'm not exactly heart-broken. I mean, I like you, but not _that_ much."

"Oh," he says, a little awkwardly. He doesn't know what else to say to that. _It's good that you don't like me that much?_

Rainah wrinkles up her nose. "I mean, you're kind of dorky. Which isn't bad, but it is what it as. And your jokes are, like, really bad. And it's really weird, that you told me that you floss your teeth after sixth period? That's really weird. And I hate that sweater that you're wearing. And you stutter sometimes. Oh, and your hands are sweaty a lot. And - "

"Okay, okay!" Robbie holds his hands up in a little surrender. "I get it. You don't like me that much!"

Rainah chuckles a little bit. "I'm sorry," she tells him. "But you_ are _breaking up with me. I think I have the right to be a little mean."

"I'm sorry," he says again.

She just waves a hand at him, giving him a sad little smile. "It's _okay,_" she says. "I mean … honestly I'm sort of too busy to have a boyfriend anyway. My GPA has gone down a whole point since I'd been seeing you!"

The horrors!

"I just … " she sighs a little bit. "You know. I just liked you, is all."

"I liked you too!" he cries quickly. "I mean, I do like you. You're very cool. And you're smart. And I just, I - "

"Robbie, it's okay," she interrupts him. "Stop, okay? Please don't try and make me feel better by extolling my virtues right now."

"I'm sorry," he says, sadly, for the umpteenth time.

Rainah shrugs at him. "_Enough,_" she says. " Enough apologizing!" She leans heavily against the porch railing again. "So. What's going to happen now?"

"Er?" he says again, confused.

"I mean, are you going to go out with Jade now?"

"I – I don't know. I mean, I said I needed to talk to you first … "

"And you have." Rainah gives him another little smile, trying to be happy for him. "Robbie, look … I still want to be _friends!_ So, at least give me some gossip!"

"Oh," he says. "Um, I really don't know. We didn't really discuss it. I don't – I have no clue what she wants. I mean – I mean maybe? I mean, shouldn't we have a, like, a mourning period, you and I?"

Rainah giggles, pushing more of her hair away from her face. "Um, yeah, maybe about two days."

"Oh," he says, deflating.

"Oh, don't you _dare_ be offended!" she laughs.

"I'm not," he tells her honestly. "Just – geez, you can't really want to talk about this right now, can you?"

Rainah twists her mouth a little. "All right, no, not really," she says. "But … I will. Maybe in a day … or two."

"Okay." He nods a little bit.

"I'm a little sad now," she tells him, and his heart sinks a bit. "I'm probably going to go inside and make a milkshake now, and feel better about myself, knowing that you can't ever have one."

Robbie laughs a little. "All right," he says.

Rainah smiles at him again, shortly, crossing her arms and sidling a little to the side, getting closer to the door of her house. "Well, I guess that's it, Robbie," she says. "We're officially broken up."

"I'm sorry."

"It's - " she waves a hand at him. "It's okay. Just … yeah. Go, I guess, go and get your goth."

Robbie flushes. He looks at her uncertainly.

Rainah laughs. "I'm serious, Robbie. I promise I'm not that mad. Just maybe … " she chews on her lip. "If you could, like don't, maybe, make out with her in front of me? For a while?"

"I – I wouldn't do that, oh my gosh!" he tells her, horrified.

"I know." She smiles again. "Um … let me know what happens? Like. After a few days. I guess."

"Sure," he says. "Um … so I'll see you in the math lab tomorrow?"

"Yup," Rainah says, and she gives him another one of her small, sad smiles.

"Okay. Go and drink your milkshake."

Her smiles get a little bigger, a little truer. "All right," she says. "I will."

Rainah goes inside, and Robbie trots back to his car, feeling … like a jerk, but, well, a jerk who's gotten what he wants. He can't believe that Rainah still wants to be friends with him. He's not that good. And he's just broken up with her!

He drives back home. It's about dinner time now, and Jess is home, back from Karl Shuberg's house, looking dreamy as she cuts up potatoes. Robbie comes in and starts helping her, also looking dreamy, thinking about Jade. They fry up the potatoes and chicken together, not really talking too much. Jess is on a kick now where she says beef makes her vomit, just like Jade.

"I broke up with Rainah," Robbie tells her as he hands her her plate.

"Really?" Jess's eyes bug out. "How come?"

"It just wasn't working out."

Jess looks even dreamier. "Because you love Jade, right?"

"Um," says Robbie, and blushes down at his potatoes.

Jess eats her food happily. She tells him about playing xBox at Karl Shuberg's. He's even let her make a little login character of her own!

"How romantic," says Robbie. Jess sticks her nose in the air and sniffs dismissively at him. "Did you guys play Viva Pinata?"

"No," says Jess, glaring at him as though he's utterly moronic. "That's Beck's and my special game." Robbie rolls his eyes. He hopes that her unyielding crush on Beck doesn't cause any harm to her relationship with Karl. Not that she has a relationship, he adds to himself. Because she's entirely too young to even think of dating someone.

Ugh! Sisters!

They eat their dinner and then they wash the plates together in relative quiet. Jess pesters him some more about his breakup with Rainah and asks what's going on with him and Jade, but Robbie shushes her, telling her that he'll let her know once he actually speaks to her. He isn't about to show her the list that Jade has made him. That's private. And Jess will probably just crinkle up her brows at it anyway, asking who cares about his stupid hair and sweaters and ew there's no way that Robbie can be a good kisser. Then she'll probably screech some more about how could he kiss Jade and not tell her?

Once the last plate is put away, Robbie goes upstairs to brush his teeth. He combs his stupid hair and changes his shirt, and then he finally, finally heads to his room, and he takes his PearPhone out of his pocket once more.

"I broke up with Rainah," he says, when Jade picks up the phone.

There's a pause. "Oh," she says, sounding surprised. "You – already?"

Robbie flushes. "I … um, yes? Isn't that … what you wanted?"

"Well," Jade says slowly. "Yeah. That's – that's what I wanted. I thought – you'd, like, need a few days, or something."

Obviously she doesn't understand just how much he likes her.

"I – no," he says. "I mean, I thought, I should do that first thing? I mean - " he clears his throat, which has started to get squeaky again. "I really like you, Jade. It wasn't fair to her."

"Okay," is all Jade says, quietly.

They're both silent for a long moment, before Robbie says, "Do – uh, I mean, do you want to? Um, like, hang out?"

"I guess so," Jade says hesitantly. "You probably, like, want to _talk._"

Robbie bites his lip. "Well," he says slowly. "I mean, we don't have to _talk._"

Jade laughs suddenly. "God, you're gross," she tells him, sounding sort of happy again. "Do you – I guess – you wanna come over, or something?"

"Sure," he says agreeably. "I'll come to your house?"

There's a pause as Jade thinks it over. "Yeah," she says. "Yeah, I guess that's okay."

Sophia answers the door at the Wests' when he knocks. She positively beams at him! He feels a little uncomfortable at her reception. Maybe she's missed him or something, he hasn't seen her for a while – he doesn't know. Sophia, like the rest of Jade's family, is pretty weird. "Jade is in her room," she tells him, waving him in. "Go! Go up!"

"Okay," he says, giving her a sort of doubtful glance. Sophia just smiles brightly some more, heading to the kitchen.

Jade's bedroom door is open, for once, and she's at her desk, talking to Jefferson (or rather, being talked at by Jefferson), putting a stack of papers away into a drawer. When she turns to look at him, he sees that she has Quentin sitting in her lap. Good old Quentin, Robbie thinks, reminiscing.

Jeff looks up, too, and he beams at him ecstatically, looking incredibly like his mother. "Hi Robbie!" he shouts, then pushes past him in a whirl of his cape, thudding down the hall. "Bye Robbie!" he disappears into his own room.

Robbie watches him as he goes into his bedroom, then turns his gaze back to Jade, feeling a little nervous. "Can I come in?" he asks.

"Um – yeah, sure," she says, and he does, closing the door behind him. Should he leave it open? They've always closed the door before, but he – well, he doesn't know, now.

Jade gets up from her desk chair, going to her stereo and turning down the music that's been playing. She's listening to The Arcade Fire – he can tell by the jangly, dream-like guitars and the weird floaty voices. It's not a band he would really think of Jade liking, but she's told him they're one of Cat's favorites. They've been to two Arcade Fire shows together, once in freshman year and the second near Christmas of sophomore year. It had been Cat's early Christmas present.

"I didn't think you'd get here so quick," Jade says to her stereo. She's holding Quentin in one arm now and Robbie can hear him hooting quietly over her swords and the music. "I'd have come downstairs."

"Oh, well - " says Robbie. "I drove sort of fast? Like, seven actual miles over the speed limit."

Jade rises and turns to look at him now, and she sort of smirks, making him happy. He hasn't seen that smirk in three days. "No foolin'?" she asks, feigning earnestness.

"Sincerely," he tells her, and she grins.

Robbie sits carefully on the edge of her bed. His insides feel tightly wound and bound together with strings of electricity. There's a huge ball of it resting in his stomach, conducting white-hot currents that are flaring brightly throughout the rest of his body. It's a nice feeling, but sort of overwhelming. He usually feels like this in the presence of Jade – he has always, a bit, even before the charges became something of the good variety, but now it's like the electricity is hooked up to a giant generator, or something, and he's threatening to blow up into sparks of light right here in front of her.

Jade comes to sit down next to him – close but not to close. "So," she says.

"Hi," he all he can manage.

Jade turns one corner of her mouth up in a little half-smile. "Hi," she says back. Then she looks him up and down, critically. "Your shirt is stupid," she tells him.

Robbie looks down at his shirt – a salmon-colored button-up. "Cat picked it out for me at the mall," he says, adjusting his collar and smoothing it down his chest. It's sort of shiny.

Jade rolls her eyes and smirks again. "Yes, I know that," she says. She looks away, looks down at her lap, looks at Quentin, looks at the floor. "So I guess you read my thing," she says.

"I did," he offers.

"Are you happy?"

"Yes," he tells her.

Jade smiles a little bit, but it quickly disappears. "Good," she says. She clears her throat, but doesn't say anything else. Robbie watches her carefully. She says, "I don't - " just as he starts in with, "Do you - ?"

"Sorry," he says, as they both laugh a little. "You go."

Jade picks at her nails with her opposite hand, squishing Quentin a little bit, who trills in irritation. "Okay," she mutters, maybe to him, maybe to Quentin. "Look, I – I don't really know what to do now."

"That's okay," says Robbie.

Jade bites her lip, then continues. "I really like you," she says, looking aggrieved.

"Oh – don't look so, like, upset."

She smiles, then she actually turns her head to look up into his eyes for a second. She pushes a strand of purple hair behind her ear uncertainly. "Look, Shapiro … I – I was … look, when I said I didn't want to date anyone, I sort of meant it."

"Oh," he says stupidly. He waits, hoping there will be more.

"So, I thought, if I could just, like … ignore how I felt … it would go away," she says. "But it didn't."

Robbie beams at her.

She likes him!

"Ugh," says Jade, looking at his face.

"Sorry," he says. "So do you … ?"

"Look, I don't want to make, like … " Jade makes a face, "...like, a thing."

"Okay," he says. "Whatever you want."

Jade bites her lip again. "It's just … all this ... dating shit. It's so – like, it's a hassle. Like, holding hands, telling people, dates, there's, like, obligations – I don't … I don't know. I mean, I wasn't very good at it the first time. I just don't want to deal with it again."

"Oh," says Robbie. "Oh, you mean - ?" He pauses. "Do you want me to be, like, um, your secret boyfriend?"

Jade raises her eyebrows and looks at him, then she laughs, punching his shoulder. Quentin whistles in alarm from her lap. "No!" she says. "God! I'm not that big of an asshole. Just … just um. I don't know. Just give me, like, a few weeks, or something, to like, get used to it."

"Okay," he says, relieved.

"I'm just, like, not ready to deal with everyone knowing," she says. "I mean – Beck is going to make fun of me for all eternity if he knew, like, _any_ of it."

"Ahaha," says Robbie, thinking of Beck's Tom Hanks scenarios and him yelling, _HOW DO WE GET JADE TO LOVE ROBBIE? _He doesn't think Beck would make fun of her, not at all, if she asked him not to. Sometimes it seems like Jade is still stuck in the mindset that Beck is looking to irritate her at every turn, Robbie guesses like he had done near the end of their relationship. All he says, though, is, "That's – that's fine."

"Okay." Jade bits her lip. "So … do you, like, want to watch a movie or something?"

"Sure," he says. "What do you have in mind?"

Jade smirks. She rises, tossing Quentin onto Robbie's lap, and goes to her bookshelf. "Look at what Cat got me," she says, showing him.

It's a deluxe DVD set of The Scissoring 2: Shear Terror.

Robbie snorts, gently petting Quentin's tiny white ears. Quentin also hoots in derision, Robbie thinks. "You think you can actually sit through that again?"

Jade shrugs. "It was a nice effort on her part. She feels bad about the hot dog thing."

"Okay," says Robbie. He settles back further on her bed, leaning so that his shoulders rest against his wall. "Put it in." Jade looks pleased.

She sets up the DVD on her small television, standing in front of the bed with her hip cocked to the side as she angrily bangs the remote on the side of her desk. "Needs batteries," she says, as Robbie covertly admires her profile from the rear. When she aims it at the screen again, the menu pops up, and she makes a happy noise. Jade pushes a few buttons, then tosses the remote back onto her desk, done with it. She turns and takes the few small steps back to Robbie, holding her hands out. "Gimme," she says.

He stares at her a moment before understanding and he leans forward and deposits Quentin into her waiting hands. Jade holds him (her) carefully and goes back across the room to place Quentin back into her habitat. Next to it, in the much larger glass tank, DJ, Stephanie, and Michelle begin squealing excitedly.

"No!" Jade yells at them, annoyed, and taps on the glass hard. The three kids – okay, they're fully grown at this point, but Robbie doesn't care – squeak some move and run all over each other before calming down a moment later. Robbie watches Quentin just hoot complacently and squeeze himself – oops, herself – into her plastic igloo.

Now Jade crosses the room again and she climbs onto the bed beside Robbie, actually looking like sort of a predator. She stretches out on her back, too, settling beside him, and he swallows a small gulp.

"You need to take the others out more," he tells her, flapping a hand half-heartedly towards the guinea pig cage.

"But I _don't like_ the others," Jade says sourly, and Robbie laughs before he can help himself.

"Stop, they'll hear you."

Jade scowls some more. "Oh, they've heard it."

They sit in silence for a few moments as the opening credits of Shear Terror slide across the screen in horrific Comic Sans font, their arms sort of rigidly touching. Robbie is suddenly reminded of how his sister and Karl Shuberg had looked on the couch, watching March of the Penguins together, and he smiles a little bit, at – well, at everything. Carefully, he wiggles away for a second, moving the arm that's against Jade, and she leans forward a little, too, so that he can put his arm around her shoulders. She sifts a little then as well, and she rests her head against his chest. She fits there very well, and he feels good.

They watch the movie half-heartedly, laughing at things they hadn't noticed the first time. During the long montage of the protagonist trying to hide herself from the villian, fitting herself into closets and rattling around dark storage rooms, Jade clears her throat and asks, "So, how upset was Randa?"

"Rainah," he corrects her absently, and Jade gives him a derisive snort in reply. "She wasn't that upset. She knew I liked you."

"Oh," says Jade.

"Yeah, and then she said I was a nerd, I stutter, and it's weird that I floss my teeth after lunch."

"Yeah. It is weird."

"You - ! Well, I have to do it. It's a compulsion."

"I know," says Jade, stretching. Her leg knocks into his, then curls around his ankle. "You don't want your teeth to fall out like Anna's."

She totally knows what Rainah's name is, if she can remember the first name of Mrs. Savidge, whom he hasn't mentioned to her in months. He smiles down at her, even though hearing Mrs. Savidge brought up gives him a small pang.

"Yeah," he says.

The movie ends, and Jade doesn't really make any moves to get up and put another DVD in, so Robbie leans a little to his left, picking up her TV remote, and switching it to cable. Jade 'hm's absently, burrowing a little into his chest. It's almost eleven; she must be sleepy. She lets him flip through the channels. He hovers hopefully over the Discovery Channel, and Jade sighs in resignation. "Whatever you want," she mumbles into his pink shirt.

Robbie happily watches Big Cat Diary. Jade sleeps on him.

**Author's Note: I know some of you were worried about Robbie's breakup with Rainah, but I never really intended it to be much of a point of conflict. I haven't taken the time given her character the attention it probably deserves, and I simply couldn't have her be _too_ mean to Robbie – heck, this whole story has basically been 40 chapters of problems for him. So, that's out of the way now. Just a bit of sneaking around for a while. Also, the return of Quentin!**

**You guys are the best!**


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter Forty-Six**

"It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walking around here!" Laura Ingalls is telling him as he adjusts his suit jacket. The words sound a little strange and somehow incredibly _wrong_ coming from her mouth, but who is Robbie to try and tell probably the most famous pioneering woman of all time that's she's acting a bit out of character, and also, could she watch her language, please?

Standing next to Robbie, Beck is inspecting his aging treasure map, spread out on the table of whatever dilapidated house they're in. "If we're in Ontario now," Beck says, "we need to go fourteen kilometers to the north to get to X. Maybe travel a fortnight, maybe a bit more. Eh?"

"Okay, sounds good," Robbie tells him absently, digging through his pockets, trying to get a hold of his phone, which won't stop ringing.

Then his eyes pop open and he's waking up and feeling really foolish for having had a continuation of his haunted house / sunken treasure dream at Jade's house - he prays that he hasn't been talking to Laura Ingalls in his sleep and that, hopefully, Jade has slept through it if he was.

The room is still dark, and his phone goes off in another loud ring, lighting up dimly from his pocket.

"Nrrgh," says the Grumpasaurus from beside him, more commonly classified by the scientists and archeologists that discovered her by the simpler and more affectionate term of 'Jade.' She rolls onto her stomach, elbowing him in the face.

Robbie rolls away from her, falls off the bed with a small _thump!_, and fumbles in his pocket for his phone.

"Hello?" he mumbles from the floor, keeping his voice low as to keep from further disturbing Jade.

"Robbie?" It's his sister, and she sounds a little panicked. "Where _are_ you? Are you okay? Did you even come home last night?"

"Last night?" he mumbles some more. "Jess, I'm at Jade's."

"Oh my God!" squeals Jess so loudly that he has to tear the PearPhone away from his ear. Above him, Jade growls.

"Jess!" he yelps as quietly as possible. "Quiet! What – what time is it?"

"Almost six-thirty!" says Jess, and Robbie yelps out again in alarm. "I woke up and the door was still unlocked and your car wasn't there. Oh my God! You slept at Jade's!"

"Oh my God!" says Robbie. "Six-thirty!"

"Oh my God!" cries Jess again. "You slept at Jade's!"

"How is it six-thirty?" Robbie questions in despair. He's standing now, plucking at his surely wrinkled shirt, peering around the darkened room and fruitlessly wondering where the heck he's left his shoes.

"Because you slept at Jade's house!" Jess squeaks out in his ear. "Oh my God! Did you guys – ew! I can't even say it! _Ew_, Robbie!"

"_Jessica!_" he hisses, appalled. "Whatever – whatever you're implying, stop it!"

"_Robbie!_" she just hisses back. "You could have at least called me if you were going to spend all night canoodling with some broad!"

_Some broad_? Also, _canoodling?_ What sort of TV shows has she been watching now? Probably Turner Classic Movies. He's going to have to try and block the channel somehow. She's going to become a pariah, walking around telling people they have 'moxie' or something. Why can't his sister be remotely normal?

"I'm sorry!" he tells her in a frantic whisper. "I'm really, really sorry! Oh, jeez, six-thirty! I need to come home and change! I need to brush my teeth! I need my inhaler!"

His sister just laughs gleefully at his plight. "You're going to be late for school!" she crows happily. "Say hi to Jade for me, you jerk!"

She hangs up in his ear. Robbie frowns at his dim phone before shoving it back into the pocket of his jeans.

Jade is sprawled out on her bed now, taking up most of the side that he had previously occupied. All he can see of her is one pale arm that's escaped her blanket and a tangle of dark hair. Timidly, he rubs her shoulder.

"Nrrrgh," says Jade again. Her head rolls and, through the cloud of hair, one blue eye glares out at him.

"It's the morning," he whispers to her.

"Mrrm," Jade says eloquently. She slaps at him rather ineffectively, shooing him away from her.

"I have to go," he tells her. "I have – I have to get changed!"

Jade grunts again, curling up on her side. "What time is it?" she grumbles.

Robbie checks his wrist-watch, and yelps anew. "Six thirty-four!"

"Oh lord!" groans Jade. She wriggles fitfully. "Too early."

Not too early for Robbie, who has a twenty minute ride home and then another twenty-plus minute trek to school. Classes start promptly at seven-fifty three. He'll probably be late by the time he showers and changes. He doubts that he'll have any time to eat any breakfast, he thinks dismally. "Well, I have to go home," he tells Jade.

"Nrgh," says Jade for a third time. She rolls over to peer out at him speculatively as he sits on the edge of her bed and edges his sneakers back on.

He hurries across the room to Jade's door, then stops and runs back to kiss her on the forehead. It's not the kiss he would like to give her, but maybe, hopefully, there will be time for that later. "See you at school," he says. Jade smiles a little.

"Try not to wake my dad," she says, burrowing back into her comforter.

As he heads down the stairs, he plots out his plan of escape. With any luck, he can slip out of the house without alerting either of her parents to his presence. Yes. That would be good. Ideal. He decides that sneaking through the living room and going out the side door would be his best bet. If anyone's awake, they'll probably be in the kitchen. As he rounds the hallway, he thinks -

Jade's father and stepmother are in the living room, sitting on the couch, and everyone freezes as Robbie skids into the room. He holds on hopefully to an armchair for balance and protection. Mr. West is already dressed for work, wearing a beige suit with his nose stuck in a newspaper. Sophia's curled up beside him, still in pajamas – a dark silky robe that looks expensive – and eating what looks to be an English muffin saturated in butter.

They both stare at Robbie as he enters the room and abruptly stutters to a halt.

Mr West lowers his paper a fraction of an inch to peer out at him from over top of it. He locks eyes with Robbie, and they gaze at each other in mild horror for a few unbearably long seconds, probably looking like two owls caught in a staring contest.

Sophia smirks and takes another bite of her muffin, her eyes slowly roving from Robbie to her husband back to Robbie. She nudges her husband in the side with her elbow. "Alan?" she prompts quietly.

Mr West lowers the paper another half-inch. "Hello Robbie," he says demurely into the newspaper.

"Hi Mr West," Robbie says brightly, in absolute terror. "Um. I did not sleep over. Although if I did I assure you that nothing remotely off-color would have occurred with me and your daughter. Your daughter! Who is quite lovely by the way. I had – a thing! I had to come over. Very early. To get. Stuff. And the. Um. Well."

"Goodbye Robbie," says Sophia, smiling.

"Yes," says Robbie emphatically. "That would be a good. Bye!" He scurries past them. "Have a great day, you two!" he calls over his shoulder as he opens the side door, and then he runs like hell for his car.

* * *

Robbie reaches home just a few minutes before seven and runs into the living room past his sister, who's fully dressed and eating cereal on the couch. She is, of course, watching Little House on the Prairie.

"You need to stop watching that!" Robbie tells her as he runs by her and starts up the steps. "It's affecting my psychosis!" Behind him, he hears his sister snort.

Just under an hour later, he's at Hollywood Arts, squeaky clean from his soap that smells really good and with his stupid hair that Jade likes brushed nicely. He's just putting his Physics book back into his locker when he spies Cat and Jade walking towards him, giggling together. Well, Cat is giggling, and Jade is allowing a small smirk to curl the corners of her lips up. Cat waves happily when they get close enough.

"Hi Robbie!" she chortles.

"Hey Cat," he says to her, smiling as he closes his locker. "Hi Jade." He tries not to sound too moony as he greets her.

"Shapiro," she says, pleasantly enough. She looks really pretty today. Well, she'd looked pretty when he'd left her, what he could see of her, anyway. It gives him that electricity-generator feeling again. He takes the time to grin at his two female friends, thinking about how he'd spent the whole night in Jade's room, and it's different now than when they had watched Scooby-Doo together or she'd slept drunkenly in his bed, because she likes him.

Jade digs through her messenger bag and pulls out a little Ziplock baggie of Chex cereal, which she waves at him. "Gluten free," she says.

"Hey, thanks," he says, taking it happily. He _hadn't_ had time to eat any breakfast. It's nice to know that Jade doesn't want his sugar level to drop too low. Cat gives him a sort of weird look – weird for Cat, which is pretty weird, but doesn't make to ask any questions.

Cat and Jade observe him as he leans on his locker and happily crunches his cereal, exchanging a strange girl-type glance with Jade that Robbie doesn't know anything about. Then Jade smirks at him. "I like your sweater," she says dryly, and he just beams at her, because he knows she really means it. It's his gray-and-blue striped one.

Cat pouts. "Aw, Jade, don't tease Robbie!" she says.

Jade raises her eyebrow at the shorter girl. "I said I liked it," she says.

Cat's eyebrows furrow a little. "Yeah but … " she frowns. "Usually when you say you like something, it means the opposite. So you don't like Robbie's sweater? Or … or … you do?"

Jade rolls her eyes a little. "Well, Cat," she says, "think really hard. Which is it? Refer back to the tone of my voice and my body language as I said it. Do I really like Shapiro's sweater, or do I think it's a monstrosity that needs to be unraveled as soon as possible?"

"I don't know!" Cat says, starting to get worked up. "I can't _remember _your tone! Can you say it again, like you did?" She looks to Robbie for help. He bits his lip.

"No," says Jade.

Cat squeaks. She tugs on her hair a little bit and pushes past them, muttering to herself.

They watch her go. "You're going to make her have another manic episode," Robbie says. "Don't you remember the cubic watermelon debacle?"

Jade's face sours. "Yes," she says. "I remember that. She's too much like her brother."

Robbie doesn't really know what Cat's brother is like, other than crazy, but he thinks it probably wouldn't be a very good idea to say this to Jade right now.

Jade's still fretting a little. "Whatever, I'll just talk to you after class." Then she bumps Robbie a little with her hip. He hadn't realized they'd been standing so close, and he wonders if this is safe for her, since she doesn't want anyone to know. "Good job with my parents today, loser."

"Ah..." says Robbie. "Yeah. Um, is your dad going to kill me?"

"I don't think my dad really cares," Jade says absently. "I mean, he let me sleep over at Beck's for like a year."

Oh. Right. Beck's. Sleeping over at Beck's. Doing things with Beck, probably things that Robbie can't even speak aloud. He looks at the floor.

Jade laughs, unconcerned and oblivious to his discomfort. "Sophia said you guys looked like you'd seen each other in your underwear or something."

Robbie smiles a little, tries to banish the thought of Jade in Beck's RV. He's _known_ this. He's known he would have to compete with the memory of Beck.

When he looks up, Jade is looking back at him, one studded eyebrow raised, and still the ghost of a smile on her lips. She doesn't look like she's thinking about Beck at all right now, so he shouldn't let himself, either. "You good?" she asks him, maybe noticing his flush. "It's not a big deal."

"Of course I'm good," he says, and he finds that when faced directly with Jade, he is unable to stop smiling at her. The bell rings, then, and they go to part ways, and maybe that's why Jade allows herself to smile back. Whatever the reason, it feels good.

In Guitar Theory, he slides down into his seat beside Andre. They exchange the requisite "hey man"s, and Robbie tells Andre about the continuation of his Laura Ingalls / treasure hunt dream. Andre laughs. He tells Robbie about how his grandmother woke him up at 3 am, in the yard, yelling at their neighbors who had left their porch light on. Robbie actually doesn't think that's very funny – it makes him feel sort of bad, mostly for Andre, but also for his neighbors and also his grandmother – but Andre seems to want him to laugh, so he does.

Somehow the topic gets changed to Rainah. Andre wants to know when their next date is.

"Oh," Robbie says a little uncomfortably. "Actually I broke up with her – I mean, we stopped seeing each other. Yesterday. Actually."

Andre looks concerned. "Really? How come?"

'Because I'm in love with Jade' won't really fly as an easy answer, and she has said she wants to keep things between them private, at least for the time being, so Robbie just mumbles, "Um, wasn't working out."

Andre's brow furrows. "Oh," he says. Then he frowns. "I mean … _what _wasn't working out, man? She seemed nice."

"Oh, you know," Robbie says nervously. "Just – just things."

His friend doesn't look satisfied, but he seems to perhaps sense Robbie's discomfort, for he decides to let it drop, nodding finally and looking contemplative. He claps Robbie on the back. "You know what, that's cool man," he says. "Whatever choices you make – however you feel about people or don't feel about people – you know, I'm your friend, and I'm gonna back you up. I've got your back! Ain't no one gonna mess with Robbie."

"Um, thanks?" says Robbie, utterly confused. "Uh – I'll – I'll get your back too?"

Andre nods some more, looking pleased. "Cool," he says. Then he picks up his guitar, and Robbie goes to get a spare one from the side of the room, and that weird, weird conversation is over.

His other classes pass uneventfully, even Math Lab. Rainah hasn't changed her mind about their breakup and she doesn't rip Robbie's head off when she sees him coming into the classroom. He gives her a tentative smile, and she gives one back. Robbie explains to their little team of freshman about the Pythagorean theorem. If he gets a little too into it and excited, who's to complain? Robbie loves math. Rainah and the freshman roll their eyes at him a little.

At lunch, he sits beside Jade and tries not to squeak as she draws little patterns on his knee with a fingertip. She eats his cherry tomatoes and gives him the extra pieces from her own salad. He thinks they've got a good thing going on. Steve Strickland sits with them, too, Tori on his left side looking, as usual, starstruck, and he and Andre argue over the merits of acoustic versus electric guitars. Cat is still frowning and muttering about Robbie's sweater.

"Robbie, is it a wool blend?" she asks.

"Cat, stop," says Jade sharply. Beck just looks sort of perturbed.

"Hey, man," Andre is saying to Robbie now. "We really need to get cracking on our songs."

"Yeah, we do," Robbie agrees. They still need lyrics, and their bridge is sort of incomplete.

Andre looks sort of hesitant, and then says, "If you want, you can come over after school? We can work on it at my house."

Robbie's surprised. He's never been to Andre's. Andre sees his face, and says, "I mean, or we can go to yours. Just, I'm closer, and I don't have a car."

"No, that's fine," Robbie says quickly, as Jade tugs on his belt loop. What a vixen. "That's cool. I don't have any plans."

Andre smiles. "Cool, then." He pours a metric ton of ketchup over his pizza. Everyone else looks disgusted.

English and his remaining classes float by. They're reading Catcher in the Rye now, and Jade grouses that she and Cat have already read that in, like, _middle school_, and how it's not even that great, and JD Salinger is finally dead, why can't they just make a movie already so she can just watch that and get out of having to read it again.

After school, he waits with Jade at her locker. "Sorry we can't hang out today," he says.

Jade stuffs some notebooks into her messenger bag. "I'll survive somehow," she responds drolly. "It's cool, I need to hang out with Cat anyway." She looks put-upon. "I feel all, like, _guilty _now. You're rubbing off on me, Shapiro."

Robbie laughs, and then he spies Andre coming towards them, so he makes sure to take a step away from Jade, so that they're just standing close, and not too close.

"You ready to head out, man?" Andre asks, wrapping his scarf up around him. Robbie affirms, and the group splits up. Andre and Robbie wave to Jade as she heads off in the opposite direction, towards Cat's last class.

The boys head out to Robbie's car and make the short drive to Andre's. His grandmother lives here in the city, only a few tight blocks away from school. They live in one of those split half-houses. The Harris's side of the house is light blue, chipped paint, and the neighbor's side is brick. There's a thousand pinwheels in Andre's yard and roughly as many wood and metal wood chimes dangling about the porch.

"Cat started bringing all those over," Andre says, waving a hand. "Now my Gram won't let me put 'em away." Robbie nods, not knowing what to say. He wonders if he can ask Andre a personal question.

"Um, I was wondering," he starts, "I mean – you and Cat – why'd you guys break up? You still seem. Um. Close."

"Oh," says Andre. He looks at the ground briefly. "Well, you know. We started really liking each other."

"Oh, horrible," says Robbie, and Andre grins and rolls his eyes. He takes out his keychain and starts the slow process of unlocking all seven locks that adorn his front door.

"Well, we talked at the start of summer – did you know she wants to go to New York for school?"

"Yeah, Sarah Lawrence, right?"

"Yeah. She's been wanting to go there since she was little. She and her brother have this plan of living in Brooklyn. Which is, you know, sort of weird. But anyway … well, she wants to go to New York, and I want to stay here … to go a little further south, actually." Andre fiddles with his key, which has gotten stuck in the fourth lock. "Well, we talked, and – I dunno. Figured we should end it before it got too serious and we had to split up."

"Oh," says Robbie. He hadn't considered the possibility of a long distance relationship. He also hadn't realized that Cat and Andre had gotten so close – close enough to discuss such things. "I'm sorry." He doesn't know what else to say.

Andre shrugs and smiles a little. "It's cool, man. I still really like her, you know? So I guess it sucks, 'cause we coulda had this whole year. But it would make things worse in the end, I think."

"Jade wants to go to New York, too," Robbie tells Andre.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. NYU."

"That's cool." Andre looks thoughtful as he swings open the front door, finally. "So they'll be together. That's nice."

"Yeah," says Robbie. Now he feels nervous. Jade is going to leave him, too, probably. He wonders what she thinks the point of this whole thing is. He doesn't think he can compete with New York boys, especially all the way across country.

As he's ruminating, he and Andre walk through Andre's small, cluttered living room. "You want something to drink?" Andre asks, breaking Robbie from his thoughts.

"Sure," he says amicably. They wade through the haphazardly-placed boxes ("My parent's stuff," Andre says, "still haven't unpacked 'em.") and ceramic cat figurines and head into the kitchen. The stairs leading to the second floor are in here, off to the side, near the refrigerator.

There's suddenly a small _thud!_ followed by a bark, and then there's a fat Basset Hound wriggling down the staircase at a shocking fast speed, bounding over past Andre to jump up onto Robbie's jeans.

Andre squawks, knocked off balance by the dog's fat hindquarters. "Domino!" he hollers, annoyed. "Sorry, Robbie."

"It's okay," Robbie says happily, leaning down to pet the dog's soft, floppy ears. Domino? "Hi guy," he says affectionately to the dog. The dog slobbers all over his face and hands.

Andre tugs him away by his collar. "Get away, you stink," he says to the dog, who whines and strains, wanting Robbie. "Sorry," he tells Robbie again.

"It's okay," Robbie laughs once more. "You can let him go."

Andre looks skeptical, but does, releasing the Basset Hound to once again snort and slobber all over Robbie. Robbie sits down on the sort of dirty linoleum floor so that the dog has better access to him. Domino sits fatly in Robbie's lap and pants heavily as Robbie pets his neck.

"You ain't allergic?" Andre frowns.

"No," says Robbie, as Domino yawns hugely, blasting Robbie with a gust of smelly old-dog breath and showing his yellow canines. "Just to cats."

"Oh, okay, good," Andre says, looking less skeptical. "I forgot to tell you. I thought - " he raises his voice now - "_that the dog would still be locked up with my grandmother!_"

"Who's there?" an irritated-sounding voice floats down the steps.

"GRANDMA IT'S ME ANDRE AND I HAVE ROBBIE OVER!" Andre hollers. Robbie rubs at his ear, mourning the loss of his eardrum.

"Andre?" the voice yells back down. "What are you doing home so early?"

"IT'S THREE O'CLOCK GRAM," Andre says.

"Heavens be," calls down the voice, sounding surprised. "Don't you drink all that juice in the fridge, Andre Lionel!"

Andre Lionel. Robbie grins into the dog's fur.

Andre looks aggrieved. "THERE AIN'T ANY JUICE!" he yells back up the steps. "YOU DRANK IT ALL LAST WEEK!"

"I did not!" His grandmother sounds indignant.

"YES YOU DID."

There's a befuddled silence from upstairs, then the sound of a door behind slammed. Andre turns back to Robbie, looking apologetic.

"Sorry," he says. "She's sort of crazy. She's losing her mind."

"Um," says Robbie. He wants to tell Andre that, of all people, Robbie is one person he certainly doesn't have to apologize to. "That's okay. I understand."

Andre looks darkly at the table. "This is sort of why I don't really have people over," he says. "We're lucky she didn't come downstairs, actually. I don't know if she'd remember meeting you. She likes Cat."

"Oh yeah?" says Robbie, hoping Andre will feel comfortable in sharing more. On his lap, Domino burps quietly.

"Yeah, Cat would come over a lot," Andre says. "I mean – not that the rest of you guys aren't cool, but – well, Cat ain't easily startled by weird folks. I guess on account of all the problems her brother has."

"Oh, yeah," Robbie agrees, feeling bad. He doesn't really know about any of the problems that Cat's brother apparently has. What does he really know about Cat? Why has he admired her so much? There is more to her that he doesn't know, more things that Andre has found to glow on her, to talk about her in such a way.

Andre pours himself a glass of milk and gets Robbie a cup of mostly-flat diet cola. They head upstairs timidly, going down the dim hallway and creeping past the closed door of what Robbie assumes is Andre's grandmother's bedroom.

Up in Andre's room, which is tiny but sort of cool, cluttered with books and clothes and a huge record player and three guitars and cardboard record covers taped all over the walls, Andre lends Robbie his spare acoustic guitar and they play around with the chords of the main song they've been working on. They have two others, but they both think this one is the catchiest – well, if they could get some lyrics put to it.

"You really need to get yourself a new guitar, man," Andre says as he plucks some strings absently. "How long's it been since Trina broke your old one?"

"Jeez, since before summer," Robbie says darkly, thinking back to it. It wouldn't be worth it to get the poor thing fixed – it is literally in pieces. Besides that, he, Cat, Beck, and Jade, had already given it a proper burial and laid it to rest in Cat's backyard, alongside her busted accordion (Robbie has strong feelings that Jade had had something to do with that), her ukelele (also Jade), and two hamsters (possibly Jade, but probably Cat). The funeral had been Cat's idea. They had all said some nice words about the guitar, like the nice quality of the strings, and how Robbie looked like 45% less of a dork while he was playing it.

Robbie continues: "I'd like another one, but I don't really have the money right now."

Andre nods very knowingly. "Yeah, I understand that." He thrums out a chord. "Do you still have your job? At the – furniture place, right?"

"Yeah," Robbie says. "Well, I mean – no, no I don't. Not since, um, the end of school last year."

"Oh." Andre looks a little befuddled. "You quit?"

"Um, not exactly."

Andre raises his eyebrows. "Now I know you ain't got fired, Rob."

"I … no. Not exactly." He hadn't been fired. His boss, when Robbie had called in late June, after he'd returned from the hospital, had been surprisingly understanding. He'd told Robbie to take the summer off. He'd told him that he could come back later on in the year, if he felt up to it. What with the drama of realizing he was in love with Jade, math tutoring, and college applications, Robbie had sort of completely forgot about Gorilla Furniture.

"So … " Andre's still looking at him. Robbie realizes that he's been rubbing at his wrist, the bad one, absently through his sweater-sleeve. He feels his heart thudding hard in his chest.

"Well, I. Um." Robbie pauses, biting his lip. He considers Andre, sitting Indian-style on his bed across from him. "Um, can I tell you something?"

"Of course," is all Andre says, looking concerned.

So Robbie tells him. It's a repeat of what he had told Tori and Jade, and it's, shockingly, a little bit earlier this time, perhaps because this is the third time he's explained what's happened to him, perhaps because it's Andre, who has never been anything but a friend to him, who is so cool and unassuming, and Andre doesn't squeak sadly like Tori has or burn him with the weight of her stare as Jade had done.

Andre remains quiet as Robbie burbles on, raising his eyebrows in a few places, but otherwise remaining impassive and silent, making Robbie feel all right. When Robbie finishes, a breathless five minutes later, Andre raises his eyes to look at him straight in the face.

"Damn," he says, and Robbie smiles nervously. Then he says, "I can't believe your mom had a boyfriend!" It's the indignation he's been wanting to hear from anyone, even now.

"I know!" Robbie says.

Andre shakes his head. "I was really wondering who Billy was. You were scaring us last year, Rob, talking to yourself."

"Was I?" Robbie asks, both to the scaring them, as well as the talking-to-himself bit. He doesn't remember that at all.

"Yeah," Andre affirms."We all had a sort of meeting about you. We were all worried."

Robbie feels bad.

"I wish you had told us," Andre continues. "I mean, damn, man – especially me! How long we known each other? Almost four years. And about your dad, too - I'd have understood. You know my grandmother is crazier than Robert Downey Jr on coke wandering through LA!"

"I know," Robbie cringes. "Well, not the Robert Downey Jr thing. Just – hard to tell people when you've been hiding it for so long."

"Yeah," Andre says, pursing his mouth, looking pensive. "So … do I get to see?"

"See what?" Andre stares at him. "Oh, my .. my arms?" He rubs at his wrist nervously.

"You said you let Jade 'n Tori see!" Andre looks jealous. Jealous! Over this! His friends are so weird.

Robbie reluctantly pulls up his sleeves and shows Andre his arms – the right one with the series of winding scars all up to his elbows, the left with its three deep gashes on his inner wrist.

"Geez," says Andre, poking one. "You know, it's really not that bad."

"Really?" Robbie asks incredulously.

Andre shrugs. "You're a paleface," he says. "They'll fade eventually." When Robbie looks skeptical, he says, "They will! Then you can just tell girls you got them in a motorcycle accident. Or going through a window of a bus trying to save kids from a fire."

Robbie laughs, and Andre smiles. "Well, we'll come up with a better story later," he says. Then he gets that serious look on his face. "So … you're okay now, though, right?"

"Yeah," says Robbie. "Yeah, I am." He pauses, chews on his lip some again. He pushes his sweater-sleeves down once more, covering his blemished arms. "Just, just um … hurting myself that much, even though I didn't mean to … well, that was enough to wake me up." A little nervously, he adds, "And I'm on anti-depressants now."

Andre doesn't look very surprised or disturbed or impressed, as Tori had looked when he told her this part.

"Nothing to be ashamed about there," he says lightly. "You know Cat's on medication too, right?"

"No," Robbie says, surprised. "No, I didn't know that."

"Oh." Andre looks guilty. "Oh, well … then don't tell her I told you. She's been on anxiety pills for a real long time. She gets, like, nervous or something. Not nervous. I don't know. She, like. Dwells on stuff?"

"Yeah," says Robbie. He thinks of Cat pulling on her hair and fretting about Jade's comments about Robbie's sweater, and then Jade's worried and fretful face later, and her speaking of needing to go and see Cat. So many things he doesn't know about Cat, about everyone. He's understanding, again, that while everyone is still so different, not the same as him, he is not alone in feeling alone, feeling odd, _being_ odd. He hadn't thought of Cat in that way. To him, when he had crushed on her so hopelessly, she had been perfect, a strange, shining beacon of happiness and normalcy. He's beginning to realize that no one is normal, not really.

And Andre had known all of this about her, probably more, and long before Robbie did. Just as Robbie understands all of Jade's faults and accepts them, Andre does the same for Cat, and now he will do the same for Robbie.

Once more, Andre breaks him out of his thoughts, leaning over his guitar to shove Robbie lightly on the shoulder. "You know, you're gonna have to tell the rest of them," he says. "Cat will want to know." He smiles a little. "You know you're still her favorite person." The fact that Andre, who has dated Cat, can say this, makes Robbie feel a little bad. What has he done to deserve that admiration from Cat? Nothing, really. When has he helped her? Andre continues: "And Beck – um, watch out, brother. You been keeping this a secret a long time, man. Beck's gonna be upset at you."

"Yeah," Robbie agrees glumly. He thinks of how much he'd worried Beck simply by disappearing last spring.

"You're gonna break his little heart," Andre says, and then he grins slyly. "I suggest you bring him flowers."

Robbie laughs. "Yeah, I agree. What do you think? Lilies?"

"Maybe morning glories," Andre says, and they laugh some more and draw up a perfect bouquet for Beck.

Robbie uses Andre's guitar and he takes over the role of lead guitarist so Andre can play the easier, rhythmic lines, and they spend the whole afternoon there, holed up in Andre's room, just laughing and being together. Outside of the door, Domino barks and whines. Andre finally comes up with some lyrics, and they call their song 'Red.' Robbie isn't sure what exactly the lyrics are about – they could be about Cat, or they could be about how much Andre enjoys ketchup.

Whatever they are, they sound good.

**Author's Note: My writing process is so weird. I spent over a day struggling to write the first three pages of this and thought, Well, this will be a short chapter, then wrote the rest of this in an inspired flurry this morning, and it completely got away from me. And so I present to you, the longest chapter ever.**

**I loved writing Andre in this chapter. I love Andre a lot as a character, but I think he falls flat on the show frequently, as he's mostly normal and a pretty nice guy whose only fault is loving ketchup (which, to me, a fellow ketchup-lover, is not a fault at all). In my universe, Andre has totally thought that Robbie had been acting weird during his breakdown because he was gay and having a torrid love affair with someone named Billy, and he annoys the rest of the gang with theories and questions when Robbie isn't around. Eventually I will write a oneshot where Andre takes his dog to the vet to be de-wormed, stalks Robbie around school and sees him pulled into a closet by an unidentified person (cough, Jade), loves Cat, and eats a lot of ketchup.**

**Longest author's not ever, also! Thanks once more for all the reviews. MaybeWolf, I'm glad you're back and feeling better!**


	47. Chapter 47

**Forty-Seven**

That next day is Friday, and Robbie stares with intensity at the clock throughout the day, waiting for two forty-five to hit so he tear out of school with Jade at his side and be blissfully alone with her. Time, unfortunately, does not really care about his plight, and continues to tick along at a slow sixty seconds per minute, a grueling sixty minutes per hour.

He had come home sort of late from Andre's yesterday, a little bit before eight o'clock. They'd gotten dinner together at a little Chinese restaurant around the block from Andre's (Robbie had eaten fried rice and picked at a teriyaki stick and worried about indigestion), leaning on the counter of the tiny, dimly-lit takeout place and chattering back and forth at each other under the glaring eye of Fong Lee, the store owner.

"Why your girl not with you?" he had asked Andre, in between bouts of writing down orders and frying rice.

Andre made a sad face briefly, probably because Cat wasn't really his girl anymore. "She's at home, man," he'd said, slurping some weird noodles down. Robbie guessed that he and Cat would come here a lot. Cat loves Asian food. Sometimes she updates her Splashface saying that Jade has made her wonton soup, with accompanying pictures. Jade generally doesn't look very happy in them.

Much as with Cat, Robbie could have counted the times he's hung out with Andre by himself on one hand. This is, actually, he thinks, possibly the very first time. It's very cool. Andre is – well, very cool. Robbie feels lucky to be his friend.

Throughout the afternoon, Jade hadn't texted him at all, but when he's returned home and sent her a message, she had replied readily. He'd really wanted to see her, then, but had felt guilty about abandoning Jess the previous night, and had told Jade so. It was all right, she'd texted back. She and Jefferson were busy training. Training for what, he had been sort of afraid to ask. Probably the impending zombie apocalypse. He was sure he'd hear about it that weekend.

Cat was driving her to school in the morning, Jade informed him. He could make it up to her by taking her home. He'd agreed.

Now it's two forty-five on the dot, and the final bell is ringing, students jumping up and beginning to gather and pack up their books from around the film production room. Robbie's just shouldering his backpack when Jade swoops into the room, knocking SinJin, who's been talking to him, out of the way. She grabs hold of the sleeve of Robbie's plaid button-down and starts to drag him to the door, exclaiming, "Come on Shapiro! Freedom awaits! We're out of here."

Robbie squawks out a goodbye to the befuddled SinJin and lets himself be dragged. Apparently it doesn't matter to Jade if SinJin sees them touching.

"Can I stop by my locker first?" he asks as they careen haphazardly down the crowded hallway. "I don't need all these Physics notes."

Jade moans, dropping his sleeve. "Hurry up," she whines. "I want to gooo."

He laughs a little, crossing the hall to his locker. "I'm hurrying," he tells her, quickly twirling in his locker combination and opening it to shove in the majority of the books in his backpack. Jade sighs loudly from beside him, crossing her arms and bouncing on the balls of her feet, looking anxious and irritated. He closes his locker anew, freeing Jade, and she grabs his arm again excitedly and starts pulling him towards the doorway. He hangs back a little bit, laughing at the way she looks dragging him, the top half of her body hunched forward a little as she pulls on his arm.

"Why are you so eager to leave?" he asks as they emerge out into the November sunshine.

Jade turns to face him, throwing her arms up in mirth. "It's the freaking weekend!"

Robbie takes the time to admires the sliver of skin on her stomach that had been exposed by her shirt riding up.

"Ew," says Jade. She cuffs him on the head, not looking very upset. "Don't be gross."

"Sorry," says Robbie, not sorry. They head to his car. Jade turns the radio up immediately, playing one of Robbie's Creedence CDs. She doesn't even change it for one of her own, which makes him happy. "So what do you want to do?" he asks her. "Do you wanna go to your house?"

Jade considers. "Nah," she says. "Sophia and Jeff are home. Let's go to your place."

No one will be home at Robbie's house. This thought does not go by unnoticed by him He wonders if Jade's thought of it too. Jade turns his stereo up some more and sings along to 'Green River.'

"My dad saw John Fogerty live in the 80s," Jade tells him.

"Oh yeah?" Robbie asks, impressed. He can't picture Jade's dad at any sort of concert – not a John Fogerty one, and certain not a Goo Goo Dolls concert, which he had apparently taken Jade to in the eighth grade. He wonders how that had been. He tries to picture Mr West and a tiny Jade, bobbing their heads together to Black Balloon. The image doesn't gel, but he smiles anyway. Maybe he'll ask her about it later.

Once at Robbie's house, Jade tosses her bookbag and her light jacket onto the coffee table, and spreads out on the living room couch as Robbie goes into the kitchen to get her some soda. He's bought a 48 pack of gross pineapple soda for her back during the summer, and there's still some left from it. Jess had made fun of him when they'd loaded it into the trunk of his car, making kissy noises at him. Robbie had blushed. Now, he blushes anew - pineapple soda hasn't gotten him any kisses thus far, but some things are subject to change.

Jade's flicking through the channels when he comes back into the living room and sets their sodas on the table. She pauses the TV at Jess's favorite station. Albert is addicted to morphine in this episode of Little House.

"Please, no," Robbie says, and Jade changes the channel, actually looking sort of disappointed. Good lord! He doesn't understand how his sister could have gotten her hooked onto the show. Maybe Jess will start watching Gossip Girl, and she, Jade, and Cat can get threeway calling and all chitchat together about Blaine or Blair or whatever her … or his, Robbie isn't really sure … name is.

Eventually Jade finds an old horror movie on (not Vincent Price, sadly), and she settles down against Robbie's shoulder, looking happy enough.

"So … you don't want to do homework?" Robbie asks. Jade gives him a half-hearted glare before turning back to the TV. Robbie puts his arm around her again, and she lets him, which makes him feel really good. They watch the television for a few minutes.

Jade smells really good, like nice soap and girl shampoo and whatever perfume it is she's wearing. It all makes him feel a little bit dizzy. He leans over and kisses her face, her temple right beside her hairline, which is all he can really come in contact with at the angle she's facing.

Jade turns to him then, raising a critical eyebrow. "That's all you got, Shapiro?" she asks.

He probably flushes some more, but he forces himself to remain steady. "No, that's not all I've got," he says, and then he leans forward once again, to kiss her on the mouth. He doesn't even miss! Jade makes a little pleased noise, which is a really great sound, so he shifts over slightly and kisses her some more.

Somehow they end up spread out on the couch without really separating, Jade half-laying with her shoulders propped up on the arm of the couch and Robbie's sort of collapsed on top of her. Her mouth tastes really good, like strawberry lip gloss, and maybe coffee. Kissing Jade is definitely his new favorite thing, he thinks, as she winds an arm around his waist to rest it on the small of his back.

Jade catches his bottom lip between her teeth and sort of sucks on it, which he really likes, and it makes him squeak. They kiss for – well, he doesn't really know, but for a while. Time just sort of floats together into everything. They can't get a serious makeout session going because Jade will start to grin, and Robbie will laugh and kiss the side of her mouth, her cheek, run his fingers through her hair, or then Robbie will start smiling, and Jade will kiss the underside of his jaw and nip at his neck.

Life is awesome.

Jade's sharp nails dig into the small of his back when he finds a really soft spot on the side of her neck, a few inches above her collarbone. He doesn't know how she manages to have the softest skin ever. She makes nice little noises when he kisses her there, so he concentrates on that for a while. Jade laughs happily, arching her head back to give him better access, pulling on the hem of his shirt a little bit. Has Robbie mentioned that his life is awesome?

There's a loud _bang!_ as the front door slams shut, and the sound of feet thudding against the hardwood floors. Sneakers squeak and stop abruptly.

Robbie reluctantly pulls himself up off of Jade, who tilts her head dangerously back on the couch arm to peer, too, at whoever's entered.

Jess is home, dressed in her dirty soccer uniform, hair curling out of her ponytail and a grass stain, probably from diving after the ball (Robbie has warned her, many times, not to be a hero, but she never listens to him), spread out across her cheek. She stands in front of the TV, bookbag dangling in her hand, staring at them with her mouth open.

"Um," says Robbie, using his elbow to prop himself up, and slides off of Jade. "I -"

Then Jess interrupts him by throwing her bookbag up towards the ceiling and shouting "YES!"

Robbie and Jade stare. His sister's bookbag careens through the air and hits the side of the coffee table with a muted thud, then slides down to land on Jade's jacket.

"I KNEW IT!" shouts Jess, jumping gleefully. "I KNEW IT! YES! I KNEW YOU WERE TOGETHER!" She jumps some more.

Robbie and Jade stare.

"Well - " Robbie starts, but Jess interrupts him.

"DON'T MIND ME!" she cries. "YES! I'M GOING UPSTAIRS!" She's already turning and barreling towards the hallway and staircase. "I'LL JUST BE UP THERE ALL DAY! WHOOOO!"

After she's gone, the two are left sitting in stunned silence for a few moments, the particles of the room still spinning and settling from Jess's outburst. Finally, Jade laughs. "Um, _wow,_" she says.

"Yeah," Robbie says in agreement. He shifts a little. "Um, maybe we should ..."

"What?" Jade asks, and he trails off, staring at her mouth. "Stop?"

"Uuuhrm," Robbie says eloquently.

Jade shoves him back on the couch, then climbs on him. Oh my god! She's practically straddling him! His mind cannot process such a thing. Jade leans over him, arms braced on either side of his shoulders, dangerously close. She reaches over and grabs his arm that isn't currently being crushed by the couch cushions and she winds it around her hip. "Hi," she says.

"Hi," he says back, before she closes the distance and kisses him again, and - well, that's how that starts again.

Robbie runs his hand lightly across the side of her hip and up onto the small of her back. He feels confident in doing so, as she has made this skin available. He can touch her there, she has said without saying. Jade's hair falls into his face as they're kissing, and he wriggles his other arm free, running that hand through her hair, pushing it back from her face. She grins into the kiss and bites his lip again.

Robbie is very. Happy. Certain parts of him are, well, very happy. If Jade notices this, which she must, as she is currently sort of laying on him, she doesn't mention it. She doesn't move away, or slap him, or punch him, or tease him. She just kisses him.

She sort of lets herself fall forward onto him, and threads one of her hands into his hair near the back of his neck, which feels good. She curls her foot around his ankle. Life is awesome. How has he ever thought that life was anything less than awesome? The entirety of his years have been spent leading up to this time, he understands now, these very moments in the here and now, now and here, wrapped up in Jade on his living room couch. The plastic coverings on the cushions squeak, making them giggle.

Time passes, or maybe time stands still, or maybe it moves very fast – who cares? He's got the most beautiful girl in the world willingly laying on him and kissing him. Kissing him, Robbie, and not anyone else, and he's even wearing a shirt that she likes to complain about.

Eventually, their happy fog is broken, dimly, by the sound of more doors opening, and then the accompanying click of heels against the floor. Robbie notes these things, but doesn't really move from his cloud, doesn't really notice or understand anything, until there's the voice of his mother saying, "Oh," and then Jade's sort of pushing off of his chest to look up.

Robbie opens his eyes and cranes his neck up. His mother is standing in the doorway of the living room, brows raised. She's holding her briefcase in one hand and a bunch of plastic bags in the other, staring at them with an indeterminable expression.

"Hi Mom," he croaks.

Mom gives him an unimpressed look, leaning against the doorway, looking pressed and perfect as usual in her red linen dress-suit. "Robert," she says coolly. "Hello Jade."

"Hi," says Jade brightly

(Jade and Robbie's mother have met once before, back in the early spring of last year, after Jade had stolen Robbie's kiss virginity but before he had messed things up and kissed her for the second time in the diner parking lot.

Jade had been sitting primly on his kitchen table, wearing one of Robbie's sweaters [not the orange one] and painting her toenails with neon-green paint polish she had taken from Robbie's sister. She had brought her System of a Down CD into the house with her and it had been blaring loudly from the music player built in above their oven. Robbie had been at the stove, boiling raviolis for her. It was her present for having gotten along with Danny that day during their filming session.

He'd been digging through the cabinets, pondering over if he should serve Jade with the regular tomato sauce that Jess likes, or the lower-sodium kind that Robbie's mom buys for herself. Jade didn't need more salt in her life; she ate poorly enough as is. He worried about her cholesterol levels.

They'd both stared at his mother as she came into the kitchen and looked around at them. Robbie had turned puce and leaned over to turn down the stereo.

"Mom, this is my friend Jade," he'd said.

"What's up?" Jade had said, applying another coat to her big toe.

Mom had looked similarly unimpressed and greeted her, gave Robbie a dark look and told him to clean up once he was done, and then disappeared upstairs to her office. Robbie had turned an even darker purple, and Jade had laughed at him).

Now, Mom just looks around at them again. "So I see this is happening now," she says.

"Erm," says Robbie.

His mother actually looks sort of amused! Moses help him. He waits for her to start rattling off teenage pregnancy statistics or something, but instead she just shifts the plastic bags that she's holding and starts forward, through the living room, heading for their kitchen.

"Robert, you could have a little more decorum," she says over her shoulder. "You knew I would be home around dinner time."

Robbie stares after her, then stares at Jade, who's still half-laying on him. She looks wildly amused. Dinner time? There's no way they could have been making out for over three hours.

"Does Jade want to stay for dinner?" Robbie's mom calls from the kitchen. "I bought Greek food. You too must be hungry, what with all of your strenuous activities."

Robbie thinks he actually bursts a blood vessel in his head from blushing so hard. At least the blood is returning to other areas of his body, he thinks. Jade just smirks at him.

"I can stay for dinner," she says sweetly, clambering up off of Robbie. He sits up too, scrubbing a hand through his hair and checking his phone. Sweet Moses! It's nearly six o clock.

He and Jade go into the kitchen and start setting plates out while his mother unpacks cartons of food. "I certainly hope your sister wasn't witness to that little display," Mom says to a Styrofoam carton.

Robbie flushes anew. "No," he lies, almost dropping the plates he's holding.

Jade bites her lip and looks at the wall. "I'll just go and get her," she says in a high voice, quickly leaving the kitchen.

Once she's out of the room and surely heading upstairs, Mom turns to appraise him. "That was certainly fast," she says, watching her purpling son with interest.

"I," says Robbie. "Um. Ah. I."

"Whatever happened to Rainah?" Mom asks, starting to bring food to the table. "That was her name, correct? I am doing good?"

"Er – yes," squeaks Robbie. "That was – she – I broke up with her. Because – because Jade."

"Yes, because Jade," Mom parrots him demurely. She smiles at him. "Congratulations, I suppose." Then she gives him the Look. "Robert, I hope you're being safe. Did you know that the pregnancy rates in southern Californi- "

"Mom!" he cries, scrabbling frantically to set the forks by the plates he's laid out. "It's been like two days! I haven't even – it's just kissing! Oh my god! I'm seventeen! This is really, really not necessary! I took health class! I -"

Mom watches him in amusement as he burbles on. She seems to be enjoying his torment. Some mother. Eventually, Jess and Jade thunder back down the stairs, and he snaps his mouth shut with an audible pop.

The girls regard him critically. "You look really red, Robbie," Jess points out happily.

Robbie growls. Jade smiles.

Eating dinner together with his sister, mother, and Jade isn't as horrific as Robbie had feared. Mom doesn't try to rip Jade's head off for corrupting her only son, and she doesn't ask horrible and embarrassing questions, like, "What are your intentions towards Robbie?" (Though, to admit, he is actually somewhat curious about this himself.)

Mostly, Jess dominates the conversation, chattering on about soccer practice and Karl Shuberg and how stupid her friend Lizzie is being right now, with only a few teasing side comments to Robbie. Jade and Robbie's mom give Jess dating advice regarding Karl and Robbie scowls into his skewered bits of lamb. Jess doesn't need dating advice! She needs a chastity belt! He wonders if there's a tower he can lock her up in.

Mom only asks Jade a few non-consequential things – what her plans for the weekend are, how does she like Hollywood Arts, does she enjoy school?

"Jade is second in our graduating class," Robbie says.

"Wow," says Mom, impressed. "That's quite an accomplishment. Do you know who's first?"

Jade makes a sour face. "SinJin," she says. "He's valedictorian." Robbie smiles, hearing the words she doesn't say – _if he survives that long_.

"Have you thought about any plans for college yet?" Mom asks, as if it's not already midway through November and most college applications aren't due in roughly three minutes.

"Jade's going to NYU," Robbie interrupts.

Mom looks impressed again.

Jade shrugs, stealing some food off of Jess's plate. "I did apply to Tisch over the summer," she says. This is news to Robbie. Over the summer? Early admissions? "I applied to schools around here too. UCLA. Um, Stanford, but just to shut up my Dad. Berkeley. A few other places." She rattles them off, talks about art programs and English studies.

"Wow," says Mom. "Well, you've certainly got things to decide. I hadn't known you were so put-together, Jade."

"Yeah," says Jade, looking thoughtful. Her drinking glass is empty, so she steals Robbie's, drinking the last of his iced tea.

Mom goes up to her office soon after, leaving the teens to clean up the kitchen. Jade sort of mostly flits around, picking at the leftovers, while Robbie and his sister clean the table.

Jade looks a little depressed. "I should probably go home soon," she says, after she's grabbed Robbie's wrist to check the time. It's almost eight. "I told Cat I'd redye her hair this weekend, and I want to get it out of the way."

"Okay," Robbie says, privately thinking that Cat's hair doesn't need to get any redder. Jade goes into the bathroom to wash up and Robbie checks his phone, guiltily noting missed calls from Beck and Tori. Tori's sent him a text message, too: _Andre told me u broke up with rainah! R u okay? Do u need to talk? _with a little sad face at the end.

He puts his phone away, intending to reply later. He doesn't know how Tori will feel with knowing the answer that, no, apparently, he doesn't need to talk, what he needs is to make out with Jade. For three hours. Barely three days after he's broken up with someone else. Anyway, Jade doesn't want to tell anyone – yet, he hopes, so he'll just have to come up with more excuses to fob off on Tori. It makes him feel bad, but if it's what Jade wants, what else can he do?

They walk to his car, mostly in silence, and Jade gives him a nice little smirk when he pauses to open the passenger door for him. "Thank you ever so much," she says in her Judy Garland voice. Robbie laughs. She's been in a really good mood all day. He wonders if she is happy with him, as he is with her.

On the way back to her house he lets her listen to Courtney Love and he drives very dangerously, only one hand on the steering wheel so that Jade can onto hold his left arm. She draws unbearably sexy circles on his wrist with her dark fingernails.

She sort of narrows her eyes at him as he pulls up in front of her driveway. "You wanna, like, hang out tomorrow?" she asks him.

"Of course I do," he answers.

Jade smiles. "Okay. Um." She drops his wrist, unbuckling her seatbelt and looks at him sort of unsurely for a moment, then leans in to kiss him. It's probably meant to just be a short one for goodbye, but then he reaches up to put his hand her her hair, and then she grabs the front of his shirt with both hands, and, well, that starts again.

The porch light clicks on. Jade snarls into his mouth.

"Fucking Jeff," she growls, letting go of Robbie's shirt. "Jesus." She looks around consideringly. The clock above Robbie's stereo says they've been kissing for six minutes. "I guess we're lucky Cat didn't come over and climb on the fucking car."

The image of that makes Robbie smile. "Yeah," he says.

"All right." Now Jade's opening her car door and sliding out, pausing to peer back in at him before shouldering her messenger bag. "See you later."

"See you," Robbie echos as she slams her door shut. He watches her cross the lawn and head up the stairs onto her porch, admiring her.

Then he sets his car into gear and backs up and around, heading back down the street towards home. He can't stop beaming and rubbing at his mouth with the hand she'd been touching.

Life is awesome.

**Author's Note: Yes? :D**


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter Forty-Eight**

Time goes by. A week, two. A little more.

On the Saturday after his impromptu family dinner with Jade, Robbie calls her and makes plans to come over to her house in the late afternoon. "I'll be in the backyard," Jade tells him darkly. All right, he responds hesitantly, wondering about her tone.

He takes the leisurely drive across town to the Wests' and parks in the street, not wanting to block Sophia in the driveway on the likely chance she needs to go out.

Even here from all the way across the lawn, he can hear Jefferson hooting and hollering from the back of the house. He heads across the front yard, pausing to take in the towering eight-foot wooden privacy fence that spans the length of the Wests' back lawn. The gate is unlocked, so Robbie fiddles with it and then slips past, taking the time to take in the sprawling lawn. He's never been in their backyard before, just glanced out at it from the French doors which overlook it from the kitchen. The Wests have a pool _and_ a hot tub. There's a flower garden grouped tightly by the rear deck. Then, far off to the left, near what is really a pretty cool grove of bamboo trees, are Jade and her little brother. They appear to be … fighting?

Sort of. Somehow.

Jade's standing in the shade, looking bored and holding a large hollowed out bamboo stalk. Jeff is whirling around her, crying out and jabbing at her with a pole of his own. Jade easily deflects his blows with a crack of her stick. She yawns loudly, and Robbie hears Jefferson squawk in indignation as he begins to approach.

When Robbie's about twenty feet away, Jeff notices him, and half-turns to greet him, beginning to grin broadly. "Hey Robbie!" he says, loud and jovial, and then Jade thwacks him in the stomach hard with her stick, sending him tumbling to the ground.

Robbie picks up his speed, concerned.

"No fair!" Jefferson is hollering by the time Robbie reaches them, propping himself up on his elbows and glaring up at his sister. "No fair, Jade! I wasn't ready!"

"Slave traders won't care if you aren't ready in the fighting rink," Jade says, tapping him on the chest with her bamboo pole. She jabs him once more with a bit more force, pinning Jeff to the ground. He squawks again. "Hey Shapiro," she says, glancing up.

"Hi," says Robbie, his brow creased in befuddlement. "What … what are you doing?"

"Jade is teaching me to defend myself!" Jeff crows, wriggling out from under the bamboo stalk. He jumps to his feet and grabs at his own weapon, gazing reproachfully at Jade. "After the world ends there will be bandits looking to kidnap me. I need to learn to stand on my own in case I get sold into the world of combative entertainment!"

"_What?_" says Robbie incredulously.

"It's a mad, mad world, Shapiro," Jade says dryly, cracking her stick against Jefferson's. The boy puffs his chest out mightily. "There's bound to be other survivors, ones not as sweet as our little group of merry ragtag misfits."

Insane. Jade is completely insane. He should know this by now.

Jade swings at her brother once again, who squeals and ducks. Her bamboo stalk whizzes by, dangerously close to Robbie, who backs up a step. "Um..." he says.

"Robbie can't watch you all the time," Jade tells her brother. "Do you think you can hold off six burly bandits?"

"They pick off of us little sick ones," Jeff informs Robbie.

"I wouldn't let you get kidnapped," Robbie says, frowning.

Jeff jabs his bamboo pole at Jade, who easily sidesteps him, looking unimpressed. "Jade says you have to go off to gather food sometimes. They'll hold me hostage! You won't have anything to trade for me aside from Cat's tiara, which will be worthless! I'll be sold into slavery! I'll have to fight for my life." He starts to get that manic look in his eyes. "I'm too young to die, Robbie! I'm going places in life! I could be president! I could - "

And that had been Saturday.

Robbie had sat on the ground, a ways away, and watched the two battle it out for a bit longer. Jeff didn't seem to be making any progress. Robbie thought that, if the apocalypse did happen to come upon them, they'd have to buy a leash for Jeff. Maybe one of those little kid harnesses. Maybe they could wrap a telephone cord around his waist or something.

Eventually Jade had knocked him over once more, cracking him over the head with her stick. "You're dead," she'd said to the squealing Jeff. "KO. Pack your shit up, squirt." Grumbling, Jeff had stood, gathering their pile of broken bamboo and tossing them back into the grove.

They had all gone inside then. After about twenty minutes of Jeff hopping around Jade's bedroom, asking Robbie questions, Jade had finally managed to convince him to go downstairs and bug his mother.

Jeff pouted. "We'll talk later," he'd told Robbie confidently.

Jade's eyes had rolled as her brother had slammed her door shut.

"He really likes you," she said. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed, fiddling around with her guitar.

"Yeah?" Robbie asks.

"Yup." Jade plays a muted C chord.

"Did, um. Did he get along with Beck?"

If Jade had noticed Robbie fishing, she hadn't made any mention of it. "Um, try no. They never really liked each other much."

"Really?"

Jade had waved a hand at him. "You know Beck. He's a nerd. Well – I mean, you're a nerd. But you know. He doesn't have any brothers or sisters. And Jeff is sort of - " here she had smirked - "_special. _He didn't know what to do with Jeff. That's part of why we always hung out at his place."

"Oh," was all Robbie had said. He wasn't sure if this was the answer he had been hoping for. He had wanted to ask, _What were the other parts?_ but didn't really want to know. He'd started, "Do you - "

Jade had shot him a glare which effectively shut him up. "Why are you talking?" she'd demanded. "Alone! In my room! Don't you want to make out?"

"Well, I mean, yeah," said Robbie, and so they had.

* * *

Kissing is a wonderful thing, Robbie thinks, wrapping his arms around Jade's waist. He wonders why he hadn't become obsessed with it much, much earlier in life. Probably because, then, he wouldn't have been kissing Jade, which is, admittedly, a large part of the reason why it's so very great.

Jade winds her hands in the front of his sweater, pulling him closer. They're in the janitor's closet across from Sikowitz's class, and it's just after first period. Jade is sitting primly on the fifth rung of a big metal ladder that's set up in the back of the small room, her feet dangling a little above the ground. It gives her a few extra inches, making her nearly level with Robbie.

"Gonna be late," he mumbles into her ear, and she just murmurs back, giving the place between his neck and shoulder a particularly hard nip, which makes him catch his breath. "Jade, you're going to leave a mark."

"Good," says Jade into his neck. There are already three along his collarbones.

He moves his hand carefully up her back to then gently tug on a long lock of her hair. Jade moves somewhat reluctantly from his neck, looking up at him with her blue blue eyes, and he leans in to kiss her on the mouth once more. Jade happily sticks her hands under his shirt and rakes her nails across his torso.

Evil. Pure evil. She knows exactly what's she's doing.

Finally, eventually, he breaks from her.

"Jade," he says, his voice a little hoarse.

"Yes?" Jade asks - purrs, really, lidding her eyes heavily in a way he finds particularly irresistible.

He looks at the hollow of her neck instead. Also fairly irresistible, but slightly less so than her eyes.

"I know," another careful tug to her hair, "what you're doing."

"Mm?" Jade tries for his neck again, but he squeaks away another inch. She frowns, rather adorably, he thinks.

"I'm not helping you skip math class again."

Jade narrows her eyes at him, one hand going down to tug on his belt loop. He squeaks. He doesn't feel particularly safe in having her hands anywhere near his waist. Because she is evil. She will do anything to get out of math class, he thinks. He isn't ready for all the things she'd probably do. "You didn't care yesterday."

Robbie blushes. "Well," he croaks. "That was yesterday."

"Or last week. You didn't care about missing lunch three days last week."

Ears and neck are going pink now, too. "That was, um, um - " Drat! She's like a hawk, swooping in when his guard is lowered. Jade licks his neck. "Um. Um." He gasps, pulling away from her. "That was last week!" he cries out finally.

"You're brilliant, Samberg," Jade says drolly.

"I just think, um, you know, that we shouldn't have to skip class all the time."

Jade looks unimpressed. "Oh," she says, letting her hands drop from his stomach. "I see. You're bored with me already."

"Oh, I am not!" Robbie huffs. He's still very close to her, one arm around her on the ladder, the other against the wall to the side of them, propping him up a bit. He has her efficiently trapped, he notes.

"Hm," says Jade again, looking at something behind him.

"You know," Robbie starts nervously, shifting a little to the right so that her eyes are back on him, "if we, you know, told our friends, then we wouldn't have to sneak around so much."

Jade sighs heavily, moving back a few inches on the ladder, getting further from him. "Oh, you're on that again?" she asks grumpily.

"No, I'm not _again_," he protests. "Just, just, it's been, you know, three weeks today."

"So?"

"So … " Robbie begins slowly. He's only tried to broach this topic with her twice before, and neither time had the discussion gone very far or been very successful. _Who cares if they don't know?_ Jade had said the last time he'd brought it up. _Who cares if they_ do? Robbie had responded. Jade had scowled and not spoken to him for an hour. They hadn't been kissing in that hour, either. "So ... we've been kissing a lot."

Jade looks at him like he's dumb. "Yes," she says. "I'm aware."

"And you're, um, you're getting aggressive."

Jade smirks at his collarbone, exposed by the now-wide neck of his sweater, which he thinks she has succeeded in warping to all hell. She pokes a bruise happy. "Yup."

"Well … well ..."

Jade looks up at him again, and he sees that her eyes are starting to get that hard look to them, that closed-up closed-off look. "What's your point, Shapiro?"

He thinks he's already made his point, but Jade can be pretty forcefully ignorant when she wants to be. He tries to phrase it lightly, as not to further irritate her. "Just, I mean, I'm going to start running out of skin that can be hidden by a shirt soon."

Jade twists her mouth, a strange combination of unimpressed and amused. "Don't you have any male makeup left?"

"_Jade!_" he hisses. "That was just for the play!"

"Hm," says Jade for a third time. She shoves him a little, wanting out. He lets her. "Well, I guess I should go to class," she says lowly, leaning over to pick up her bag from its spot on the floor.

Hadn't _he_ just been the one trying to convince her that going to class was good? "I thought you - "

"See you later, Shapiro," she just says, and she opens the door to the closet, slips out into the hallway, and disappears among the sea of faces. As usual, she leaves him alone.

* * *

Jade doesn't pop up again after Math Lab to drag him into another closet (he's noticed that she gets particularly riled up after she knows that he's just spent a class period with Rainah), so he gets to lunch a bit earlier, spying Cat alone at their usual table and hurrying over to her.

"Hey Cat," he says, making himself sound happy. He smiles at her and gives the long sleeve of her multicolored hemp hoodie a tug. It's the monstrosity Jade has bought for her at the mall a few months ago, complete with long, dangly neon-green rabbit-looking ears. They've yet to see Jade's pink-and-rainbow shirt make an appearance, however.

Cat beams, glad to see him. She's been texting him a lot recently, missing him at lunch and out of school, wanting to hang out with him. It makes him feel rather badly. It's not his fault that Jade is a makeout monster. He can't give himself much credit.

"Hi hi!" Cat greets him exuberantly. She seems to be positively thrumming with energy. "Did you hear the good news? Did Jade tell you?"

"Um … no? What, did Jeff finally win a fighting round?"

Cat giggles at him and shakes her head. "Nooo, Robbie! This is important. She got into NYU!"

His stomach drops. "Oh yeah?"

Cat nods happily. "Yes! Early admissions! She called me right away yesterday. She's really proud. I guess she hasn't seen you yet."

They'd only spent three hours together last night, watching television with his sister. Jade hadn't mentioned anything about NYU as she'd been laying against his chest with his arms around her.

"Um, no, she hasn't," he croaks.

Cat begins babbling on happily about New York and the subway systems and how much she misses her brother, who's moved there at the start of the school year. Robbie tunes her out without meaning to, giving her obligatory 'hmm's and nods, feeling rather hollow. Why hadn't Jade told him that she's been accepted into NYU? She knows that he knows she's applied. He scans the courtyard for her, finally seeing her push her way out of the school's double doors, Beck at her side. They look pretty content and companionable walking together, laughing and actually a bit too close to each other for Robbie's liking, arms bumping lightly. Where the _heck_ is Alison?

Jade looks up and hits him immediately with her ultraviolet gaze, and he thinks he sees her smile tighten. She's probably still upset at him for this morning.

And is keeping secrets.

"There she is!" Cat squeals, and waves exaggeratedly. Beck grins and waves back, arm going up over his head, goofy. Jade looks at the ground.

Andre and Tori come up at the same time, and everyone quickly slides into their respective seats. Robbie finds himself sandwiched between Cat and Jade as usual. Jade doesn't make to hold his hand under the table as usual, or to draw patterns on his knee or make him nervous by pulling at his belt.

"Last minute party at my house," Beck declares jovially. "You guys busy tonight?" It's Friday.

"What's the occasion?" Tori asks absently, struggling to open her water bottle.

Beck shrugs. "Um, start of December? More importantly, Dad's gone on business this weekend."

Tori frowns a little. "Do you really think you should be throwing a big party, Beck?"

"Who said anything about big?" Beck demands. "It'll just be us. We haven't all hung out together since summer." He casts Robbie a significant glance. "And it would be very nice if Robbie would dig himself out of the hole he's been sleeping in and decide to join us."

"Uh," says Robbie, blushing and feeling bad. He's only hung out with Beck once since he and Jade had gotten together – or whatever it is they had done – feeling stifled in the boy's RV, guilty and oddly jealous of his friend, and then becoming even more guilty for feeling that way.

"Yeah, Rob-Man, where you been hiding out at?" Andre asks around a huge bite of his hamburger.

"Uh," says Robbie.

"Well, I'm in," Jade says, interrupting, popping open the tab on her soda. "I could use a good party." She _is_? And, she _could_?

"Awesome." Beck shoots a grin at her, distracted from chastising Robbie. Robbie thinks he would rather be yelled at than see him smile at Jade like that. "So? Guys?"

"I'm going!" Cat squeals, nearly knocking Robbie off of his chair to lean over him and hug Jade. Jade looks a little annoyed and pats her back.

"Yeah, I'll go," Andre says. Robbie doesn't miss the quick look he gives to Cat. Tori frowns and purses her lips a lot, but eventually agrees as well after she's made Beck promise that there will be no alcohol involved. When she finally acquiesces, Beck looks over to Robbie, smirking. Robbie looks back knowingly.

Poor Tori. She probably doesn't know that Beck's surely had his hands crossed behind his back.

* * *

The afternoon comes, then evening, and it finds Jade and Robbie at the Shapiro household, holed up in his room.

Jade had came over about a half hour earlier. She lives closer to Robbie than to Beck, and had shown up, she said, to chill for a while, and then they can go to Beck's from there. She had barreled through the door, barely saying hello before kissing him roughly and practically dragging him up to his bedroom. It's _practically,_ because he really doesn't need to be dragged.

She had seemed more on edge that usual, almost jittery, pulling away from him every other moment or so to stare at him with an intense gaze before crushing their lips together almost violently.

Downstairs, a door and opened and slammed – maybe Robbie's mother, but more than likely only his sister. The sound had pulled them out of their little cloud, though, and now she's lying beside him, their hands loosely twined.

She sits up, now, her back to him, her fingers sliding from his. She starts picking up and inspecting things on his dresser. His inhaler, his alarm clock, the tiny purple dinosaur Cat had given to him forever ago. He lays on his back with his hands crossed under his head and watches her.

"Sorry I was sort of a bitch earlier," she says to the dinosaur.

"It's okay," he says. It is, mostly. He understands more than Jade thinks. And she's here now, which is the important thing. She picks up his pill bottle of antidepressants and shakes them absently.

"You need a refill soon," she says.

"Yeah," he croaks out. "Is it – I mean, do you think I'm weird?"

Jade sets the pill bottle back down and turns to face him on his bed, looking at him with a sort of strange expression. "Sure, you're weird," she says slowly. "It's cool."

He flushes a little. "I mean – are you bothered? That I'm, like. On medication."

Jade raises an eyebrow, confused now. "No?" she says. "I mean … why would I be? Shit, you're a lot less crazy now, and you still like me." Then she bites her lip. "Shit, no, I didn't mean - "

"It's okay," he tells her again.

"I don't care about your pills," she says. She lays back down on her side, facing him. Her hand goes to his hip, tracing the skin that's exposed there from his shirt riding up. Again, she asks, "Why would I care?"

"I don't know," he mumbles. He clears his throat, looks at her, then away. "Um. Do I, like - " he croaks - "embarrass you?"

Jade lifts her brows again and snorts. "Of course you do," she says loftily. "Look at the shirt you have on." It's his salmon-colored button-up again. She gives it a little tug.

He blushes once again. "No, I mean ..." He can't seem to hold her gaze. "Is that why you … you don't want to tell anyone about ... us?"

Jade frowns at him. She doesn't answer right away, instead looking down to her hand, still tracing his hip bone.

"You don't have to," he says painfully. "Tell anyone. I just. Want to know."

"Oh," says Jade. She look at him quickly, then away. Her hand drops from him, and she moves to sit up, turn her face away. He thinks he's upset her again, but then she speaks through her curtain of hair, "No, Shapiro, you don't embarrass me. That's not why."

"Then what is it?"

Jade is quiet. He watches her; he waits.

"It's just easier this way," she says finally, brushing her hair back, but still keeping her face turned away. "I mean. So when you get sick of me, no one has to know."

Robbie stares at her with his mouth open.

Jade smiles a weird, pained little smile he's never seen on her before. She lowers her eyes to his bedspread.

"Are you _kidding me?_" he breathes.

She glares at him sharply before returning her gaze to his sheets. "What?" she asks gruffly.

"You – you – do you think I'd - ? Jeez, Jade, I've only liked you for practically a year." Maybe more. Who can say? "You think I'd just change my mind?"

Jade shrugs the tiniest shrug possible. "Beck did," she says flatly.

"I'm – I'm not Beck."

She looks at him now, rolls her eyes. "Yes, I'm aware of that. The glasses and Jew nose gave you away."

He struggles to sit up, pushing himself up on his hands, arranging himself Indian-style beside her on his narrow bed. "I'm_ serious,_ Jade." He considers grabbing her hand, almost wusses out, then does so. "You gotta know. I mean, I – I'm _crazy_ for you." He offers her a little lopsided grin. "I mean, you know, almost _literally!_"

She doesn't exactly smile back, but that hard look leaves her eyes. She bites her lip, looks down again only to find their entwined hands. Then she sighs. "You really want me to tell them?" she asks.

"I – I – yeah, I do."

"That would make you happy?"

"Yes."

"Tonight?" she asks doubtfully.

"I – no, not tonight, not if you don't want to. It can just be a party."

"Okay." She chews on her lip some more. "Okay, I'll tell them. If you want me to."

**Author's Note:**

**Two chapters in one day? Look at me (what else is new?)! I've had this one done since earlier, but it needed tweeking. A little bit of angst returning, but I tried to clear most of it up by the end of the chapter. And for the next one, I get to write fluffy party hijinks. And as always, Jade's little brother was a joy to write.**

**You guys are simply the best. Thanks to all of you who've left reviews, sent PMs, and added me to your Tumblr! Now I can go through my dashboard and find pretty Rade pics. **


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter Forty-Nine**

Once the pair finally makes their way out of Robbie's bedroom and back downstairs, they find Jessica sitting in the kitchen, at the counter on a barstool, legs swinging absently as she writes out lines in her spelling workbook (Robbie remembers those – yuck! Thank god for high school). Jess looks up when she hears them come in.

"Oh," she says lightly and actually rather sarcastically. "Are you guys finished being gross for the night?"

Robbie turns a little pink and Jade just smiles. "Only for now," she tells Robbie's sister, smoothing down the front of her black blouse.

Jess makes a noncommittal noise, half smiling and turning back to her workbook. "Beck left you another singing message, Robbie."

"Oh, _good_," moans Robbie, as Jade laughs with glee and goes over to the counter to press at the answering machine.

_Beck_ is actually Beck and Andre, brought together for a brief duet, and Robbie can hear the soft strains of a guitar plucking (Andre's, probably) as the two boys sing a short little ditty about their friend Robert Shapiro – oh, whoa, no, not de Niro! - who is late to Beck's house with the Blood Countess but not to fear-o, and also, would they mind picking up some M&Ms for Cat?

Jade, for some reason, looks rather pleased at the comparison to Elizabeth Bathory. Robbie crinkles up his nose.

"Don't have any boys over," Robbie tells his sister sternly as Jade pulls on her light jacket and they're getting ready to leave. Jess smiles in a sneaky way that perturbs him greatly, and Jade laughs again at his face. What else is new?

At the convenience store midway between Robbie's house and Beck's, they putter around the candy aisle, jostling each other a little as they inspect their choices.

"Cat really likes those crispy M&Ms, you know, in the blue package?" Jade says, more to herself than to Robbie, he thinks, riffling through the selections. "But I guess they don't make them anymore. She'll settle for these pretzel ones."

Robbie wrinkles his nose again.

Jade gives the candy section one last once over, grabbing some gummy candies in a bright package and more chocolates.

"I got it," she says absently as they're at the counter and Robbie's making to take out his wallet.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." Jade tosses the candies down onto the counter and looks expectantly at the young checkout boy.

He leans heavily on the counter, giving her the eyebrow of innuendo. "Anything else for you, darlin'?"

Jade looks unimpressed, and asks for a pack of her usual cigarettes. The kid retrieves them, giving her another appraising look as she digs around in her gigantic purse for her debit card. Robbie glowers at him.

"Don't be all gay in here, Shapiro," Jade warns him as they pull up to Beck's house.

"Okay," he says.

For some reason, the front door had been ajar just slightly, and Jade simply shrugged and walked in, Robbie trailing behind her somewhat nervously. Then they'd heard Beck's horrible 80s punk music drifting out from the living room and the sound of Andre's laughter and Robbie had felt okay coming in without knocking.

Cat hasn't changed from her school attire, still wearing her giant ugly knitted sweater.

"Did you bring it, Jade?" she demands excitedly, bouncing on the Oliver's leather couch beside Andre. The neon-green floppy ears which adorn her sweatshirt float merrily behind her.

"Yes," Jade says, looking irritated.

"Well, why aren't you - "

"_Later!_" Jade snarls.

Cat grins happily and does a little dance, wiggling around on the couch. Robbie and Andre exchange a confused glance. Did Jade bring what?

Girls are so weird.

"Who else is here?" Robbie asks no one in particular.

"Beck's here," Cat says brightly, and Jade gives her a dry look.

"Um, yeah, I sort of figured, Cat," Robert says, smiling.

Cat just giggles at him. "Ali's here too," she says. "They're in the kitchen. We're just waiting on Tori!"

"Oh, of course we are," Jade snits, and then she waves the huge bag of M&Ms at Cat, who squeals and holds her hands out expectantly. Jade rolls her eyes and goes to sit on the couch alongside her.

Robbie finds Beck and Alison in the kitchen. Beck is happily pouring tequila into a large punch bowl already filled with some sort of red-colored juice, and Ali is taking cookies out of the oven. She is, for some reason, wearing a large apron with a picture of John Lennon's face on it. She and Beck look rather domestic together, in a weird, warped sort of way.

"Hey Robbie," squeaks Alison, happy. He hasn't seen her much lately, either. He and Ali don't often talk very much, but he feels an odd kinship with her nonetheless – they're both very studious, and are easily wearied by Beck.

She puts the tray of cookies down onto the counter and waves her oven mitts at him. "These cookies are gluten free," she tells him in her high tone. "And carob-chip! We went through a lot of trouble to make this a Robbie-friendly shindig." Then she cringes at her use of the word "shindig." Beck looks proud of her.

"That's really nice, you guys," Robbie says, touched.

Beck comes over to him to clap him on the back. He looks very festive, wearing a particularly hideous too-big Hawaiian shirt and has about two dozen brightly colored rings of plastic lei flowers wrapped around him.

"I think Robbie needs to get lei'd," he says. "Ali?"

Ali giggles in mirth. "Oh yeah, Robbie definitely needs to get lei'd."

They advance on him. He squeaks.

A moment later, he comes back out into the living room, hair rumpled and three rings of flowers around his neck.

"Cat, I got lei'd," he says, and Cat laughs loud and long in glee. He pulls one off and places it carefully around her own neck.

Cat crows happily. "Robbie lei'd me!" she yells.

Jade and Andre laugh – a little too much, Robbie thinks. The pun isn't that funny. They're all still giggling a bit and shouting and calling out about who lei'd who first when Tori finally comes in, looking a bit dismal with Trina in tow.

"Oh," says everyone.

"Hey Trina," offers Andre, clearly the nicest of them all.

Trina sniffs at him. "Some party," she snoots. "No one's even here yet."

"We're all here," Beck says suddenly, appearing to lean heavily in the kitchen's doorway. "Actually, it looks like we're a little over our party limit."

"I had to bring her," Tori tells them sadly. "She was going to tell Mom that your parents weren't here, Beck."

"What a buzzkill," says Jade.

"Yeah," Cat commiserates.

"She's a pain," says Ali.

Trina looks affronted. "Hello? Standing right here. I can _hear _you guys!"

"They know," says Andre, smiling. Trina just sticks her nose in the air and sniffs again. Then she squishes herself down on the end of the couch, nearly shoving Jade into Cat's lap. Jade looks murderous.

"Hi Robbie," Trina says sweetly, looking up at him.

"Hello," he says, a little nervously. He wonders if she still likes his calves - thankfully he's wearing long pants tonight. Jade growls.

Things are rather uneventful for the next half hour or so. Beck brings his punch bowl out and sets it carefully down onto the coffee table. Robbie declines a glass, having seen Beck's stash of alcohol. He and Cat and Jade sit on floor and go through the pile of boardgames Beck's set out. Tori and Andre are looking at and dismissing Beck's CDs. Beck and Alison kiss a little. Trina is annoying.

"Pictionary? Charades?" Cat looks excited.

"No, and no," Jade dismisses. Cat pouts.

"Twister?" Robbie asks skeptically.

Jade snorts. "Oh, you don't want to play Twister with me, Shapiro. I'm flexible in ways the human mind can't even _begin_ to comprehend."

"She really is!" says Cat brightly. Robbie blushes hard down at the carpet.

Beside them, now, having despaired over Beck's collection of outdated music, Tori scowls into her cup of punch. "This fruit punch tastes weird," she says darkly, raising her eyes to Beck.

"Ahaha," says Beck, and sweeps quickly into the kitchen. Jade looks happy. She takes the plastic cup out of Tori's hands and down the punch in two gulps. Robbie watches the muscles in her throat move fluidly. He swallows hard.

Trina is getting restless. "Are you guys seriously going to play _board games?_" she demands of Robbie and Cat.

Robbie and Cat glance at each other, then hold up the package of Operation at her and cower. "It's the brain surgery version," Cat says.

"Lame-o's," Trina says decisively. "God, this party is so dead. I'm going to invite Tammy and Lisa over."

Tori squawks. "Trina!" she cries. "You can't invite people over to someone else's house! _You_ aren't even supposed to _be here!_"

Beck, who's somehow returned from the kitchen unnoticed and is now lounging on the couch (he'd been looking longingly at the bags of candy Jade had deposited on the coffee table), just waves his hand. "Whatever," he says. "If it stops her complaining. Not like she'll manage to pull in a crowd."

Jade glares at him, then Trina. "If Trina can bring her friends, I'm going to invite Strickland."

_Strickland?_ What does she need _Strickland_ here for? Robbie tries very hard not to pout. Beck seems non-perturbed, though, just flapping his arm once again and repeating, "Whatever."

Robbie huffs quietly, and Cat shoots him a weird look. She rattles some game at him, which he takes absently.

He sits Indian style on Beck's floor across from Cat and they play a quick game of mancala together. Robbie wins and Cat pouts a bit, challenging him to a rematch at a later undetermined date. Jade follows Tori around happily, talking at her in her weird affected Dr Quinn Medicine Woman drawl. Tori doesn't even look bothered anymore.

Steve Strickland shows up pretty promptly just about twenty minutes later, carting the huge bag of ice Beck's requested Jade ask him to bring and another bag of assorted candies in his other hand. Robbie wonders, a bit meanly, if Strickland doesn't have anything better to do than just to turn up readily at Beck's. Then he remembers Strickland, leaning on a locker beside him, telling him about his cross-country move and how he's been looking to find a good crowd. He feels chastened. He certainly knows what it feels to be out of place.

Jade doesn't exactly … ignore Robbie during the night, but she isn't overtly friendly either, opting to most stick by Steve and Andre, who are, as usual, discussing their guitars. Jade drinks various drinks – Robbie has no idea if they're alcoholic or not; he doesn't have a clear view of Beck's stash of liquor bottles – and looks bored.

Tori collapses onto the couch beside him. "Hey stranger," she says teasingly.

Robbie glances at her, then returns his gaze to Jade. "Hey Tori."

"Where've you been?" she asks him. "I haven't seen you outside of lunch in like two weeks. You always just tear out of school."

"Oh. Um. I'm just busy," he says, flushing.

Tori hums at him a bit, shifting on the couch. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he says, staring at Jade throw her head back and cackle at something Andre's said.

Tori follows his gaze. "Oh," she says. "How's that going?"

"Um." He rubs his hand through his hair, very nervously. Jade won't want him to spill any details. "Um. It's sort of. Um. Not?"

"Oh." Tori looks depressed.

Cat comes out of the kitchen, chased by Alison with a bottle of squirt cheese. The girls are giggling. Cat runs over to the couch, depositing herself on the floor by him and Tori. She wriggles until she's settled between Robbie's sneaker-clad feet, the top of her back hitting his knees.

"Robbie, braid my hair," she instructs him.

"Um," he says again. "You don't want Tori to?"

Cat leans back to twist her head up at him critically. "No," she says, and laughs. "God, no. No."

Tori looks upset. "I was just having a bad night, Cat," she says, frowning. "And we got most of the knots out, right?"

Robbie leans down and starts to French braid Cat's hair. He sort of knows how to do it from observing his sister all these years. The top starts out a little lumpy, but he doubts Cat cares. It's not like she's going to a courtyard ball or anything after this.

Her hair is really soft for being dyed so frequently, he thinks, and tells her so. Cat hums happily. "Thanks," she says.

She leans up to look at him with her huge brown eyes then. "Are you happy, Robbie?" she asks.

"Um," he says. "Right now? Or in general?"

"Both," she says.

"Oh." He braids another section. "Um, right now, yeah, I'm pretty happy. In general, I'm okay."

"I don't want you to be sad," Cat says. "And I want you to be more than okay."

He flushes a little, feeling Tori's contemplative eyes on them. "Okay's okay," he says.

"I know. Are you feeling better than last year?"

The flush goes deeper. "Yes."

"That's good." Cat pouts a little. "I watched you a lot. You'd just stare at nothing."

Oh. Cat had been watching him? He hadn't noticed, hadn't thought to notice. Probably because he had been, as she'd said, busy looking at nothing.

"No, I'm okay," he tells her.

Then Beck comes up and sprays them all with the bottle of squirt-cheese.

Later, when Robbie's come out of the bathroom, having successfully cleaned most of the cheese out of his hair and from his glasses, he spies Beck and Jade out in the hallway, once again whispering together, much as they been had last year, at Cat's house. They both look up at him and fall silent.

"Um," he says.

"I need another drink," Jade says, and vanishes to the living room.

"What was that?" he asks Beck.

Beck shrugs. "Girl stuff," he says.

The party peters out very late, after 3 am. Strickland filters out of Beck's house, both of Trina's girlfriends on his arms. Tori looks after them sadly. Robbie's trying to keep Cat at bay, holding the remaining M&Ms up high over her head.

"Robbie!" she cries, jumping. "Gimme!"

"You've had far too much glucose tonight!" he tells her. "You're going to short-circuit." Cat flashes her brilliant pout at him, but he refuses to fall prey to her charms.

Pretty much everyone's been drinking in some aspect, aside from Robbie, so they all agree to just spend the night as Beck had suggested earlier in the day. Robbie knows that Jade and Cat have packed pajamas. No one really makes to call their parents – first of all, it's incredibly late, and secondly, Robbie notes for not the first time, no one in his little group of friends particularly has a very doting set of parents that would mind them being out all night.

The girls all squish into the bathrooms to brush their teeth and change into their nightclothes as he, Beck, and Andre pull out blankets and sleeping bags from the downstairs closet and spread them all around the living room. Ali emerges first, wearing a pair of short shorts and one of Beck's old band t shirts, her arms laden with pillows.

Jade and Cat come out of the downstairs bathroom and immediately settle down onto a set of sleeping bags, looking very close and they lean together and giggle. They don't bother to thank the boys for their efforts. Cat is wearing a pair of her standard Disney-print pajamas (Oliver and Company, Robbie thinks) and Jade is wearing the absolutely pinkest shirt Robbie has ever seen on her. Not that he has ever frequently seen her in pink, but … well, this is very pink. It also seems to have an assortment of droopy rainbow-colored fabric flowers scattered all across the front.

Beck, Andre, and Robbie gape at them with their mouths open. Surely this is the shirt Cat had bought for Jade earlier in the semester. Jade studiously ignores them, stuffing more candy into her mouth and laughing anew as Cat whispers into her ear.

Tori thunders down the steps, casting irritated looks at Trina, who's trailing behind her and yapping high-pitchedly about some ointment Tori's forgot to pack her. They both stop suddenly at the bottom of the steps. Trina practically falls into Tori. Tori staggers forward a step.

"Jade," she gasps. "Your_ shirt._"

"Shut up, Vega," Jade says, not looking up.

"I love it!" Tori exclaims. "Where did you get it!"

Cat looks happy. The boys and Alison roll their eyes.

Shortly after, Ali starts yawning hugely, curling up inside of Beck's double-sized sleeping back. This starts a chain of yawns among the group. Robbie settles down alongside Beck and Ali, feeling sort of uncomfortable in his jeans and button-down, but glad that he's forgotten to bring any pajamas and having to evade questions about why he's wearing a sweater to bed. Beck fiddles with a fancy remote and turns the lights off. Everyone chatters aimlessly for a few minutes before slowly drifting off into silence.

Andre begins snoring loudly. Cat giggles.

"Oh great," Tori says unhappily, who's next to him.

"Rub his tummy, Tori!" Cat advises brightly. "That will stop it!"

Another interesting fact about Andre. Well, and Cat, too, he supposes.

"Um, no thanks," Tori responds doubtfully.

Eventually, the room becomes fully quiet, and Robbie's pretty sure he's the only one awake. He lays on his back, his hands threaded together underneath his scalp, and replays the night in his head. He wishes that he had had more time to spend with Jade, but as he had told Cat, he isn't unhappy, no. He thinks of Beck and Alison together in the kitchen, laughing and content together, looking ridiculous. Tori mooning over Strickland as always and accidentally (maybe) pouring her entire cup of punch over Trina's head. Mancala with Cat and hiding M&Ms and braiding her hair. Jade coming briefly over to collapse on him on the couch after she's tired of dancing to pop songs with Cat and Andre.

There's a bit of rustling from the corner of the room, and through the shadows, the form of someone standing up and beginning to make their way over to him. They approach rapidly, and then Jade is reaching into his sleeping bag – he yelps out as quietly as possible, but it turns out she only wants his arm, and then she's pulling him to his feet. It's an effort not to step on Alison's head, but he manages, and Jade drags him out to the kitchen.

"Come on," she whispers. "I wanna be alone. Let's go outside or something."

"Outside?" he whispers back doubtfully. Does she understand that it's December, and though, yes, this is California, it's cold out? But then he just whispers, "Okay."

They slip out of the house through the side door and wind through the Oliver's yard, Jade's laughter bright and sharp in the darkness as Robbie gets his foot entangled in a garden hose and he cries out a few times, hobbling for several steps until the hose finally relinquishes its grip.

They head out into the front yard, turning to peer conspicuously behind them when Robbie says he's heard something crunching.

"Leaves," Jade says. "Maybe a rabbit."

Robbie scans the dark yard once more, but sees nothing but the shadow of trees, and, much further away, the lights of the pool from Beck's backyard. They hurry the rest of the way across the lawn and go to stand against Beck's RV, where they're sheltered a bit from the wind.

He leans heavily on the side of the huge vehicle, the cool night's air ruffling past him and lifting up his hair. Jade stands close by him, shivering slightly, and neither of them has brought their jackets out, so all he can do is wrap his arms around her. It feels good.

"I _missed_ you," he says before he can help himself.

Jade looks up at him, her brows crinkling together. "I was with you, like, all night, Shapiro."

"I know," he says. "But it wasn't the same." He wasn't able to put his arm around her, to touch that place on the small of her back that she likes, to play with her hair. He wants those things, always.

Jade snorts. "You're so stupid."

"I know," he says again.

Jade just makes another noise, and she leans into him, resting her forehead in the hollow of his neck, her hands going up to curl in his shirt. "So what are you doing this weekend?" she asks, not really wheedling because she wants to hang out or anything (she doesn't have to), just asking, which is the best kind of her asking.

Robbie lets his arms go up around her waist and he gently fiddles with the actually really soft material of her ridiculous pink shirt. "Well, I might try and go – go and see Cat?"

"Oh yeah?" says Jade into his chest, her voice taking on that indeterminable quality for some reason.

"Uh – yeah." He gently lets his thumb brush against some skin on her lower back that's just below the hemline of her shirt. "She was – we were talking a little earlier. I want to – to tell her? About, about where I was last summer."

"Oh," says Jade in a clearer voice, but maybe that's just because she's moved her mouth away from his shirt. "Yeah, you really should."

He flushes a little for some reason, and is glad at the darkness. "I mean, I don't know how much she'll care, but - "

Jade snorts, scooting back an inch so that she can look up at him. "Um, do you know Cat at all? Of course she'll care."

"I know Cat," he says, feeling sort of guilty again. Not as much as he'd thought, he thinks.

"Cat, like, loves you."

"Um," he says, blushing some more.

Jade rolls her eyes. "I mean, not like _that._"

"I – I know," he insists. "Just – I mean – do you remember that I told Andre?"

"Yeah," she says. "Robert Downey, flowers for Beck, morning glories. Kids on a burning bus."

He grins. "Yeah. Just – I wasn't sure if you – I mean, we haven't really been _talking_ that much lately."

"Oh, I suppose that's my fault."

"You - ! Well, I mean, you do, um, initiate,um, things, a lot. It's okay, I know that you just want to shut me up."

"Sorry, I've been a little preoccupied," Jade snits. "I mean, d'you know how long I've wanted to kiss you for?"

"No," says Robbie, pleased. "I don't."

Jade looks surprised at herself and sort of pissed that she's apparently slipped up and said that aloud. "Well," she says drolly. "Like, a while, I guess."

He can't help the face-shattering grin that slides across his face. "Really?" he asks.

"Yep," says Jade, short and grumpy.

"How long?"

Jade takes the time to think about it, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth to worry at it with her teeth. Robbie stares. "I guess since when I kissed you in my kitchen. You kind of gave me an opening."

"Yeah," he agrees, flushing anew. "I did." He wonders if, even then, he had been wanting to kiss Jade. Maybe. Probably. He knows he hadn't that those feelings for Cat any longer by that point.

"I didn't_ like_ you or anything then," Jade makes a point to tell him. "I just wanted to. I was … " she considers. "Curious."

Robbie beams down at her. "Oh. You just wanted me for my body?"

Jade laughs suddenly, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she smiles and looks up at him. She leans her head back into his neck. "Yeah," she says. "That's it."

Robbie smiles some more, tightening his arms around her waist a little. "Do you think I'm cute?" he asks her.

"Yeah, you're cute," Jade says gruffly into his shirt collar. Robbie smiles out into the darkness. Jade thinks he's cute!

"I guess I started wanting to kiss you after you kissed me," he says down to her. "I mean – I think I liked you before that, but … I'm really dumb."

"I know you are," Jade says. "I knew you liked me. Since before the play."

"You – you did?"

Jade shrugs a tiny bit; he can feel the motions in his own arms. "Well, I knew you wanted me. I figured that was all it was."

"Oh. No. It wasn't."

"Well, I didn't _know_ that," she says, shoving him a little bit. He bounces lightly against the RV. "That's why I got mad at you … well, the first time."

"Oh," he says dumbly.

"Yeah," she mutters.

"And … and the second time?"

Jade snorts a little. "Well, I wanted you too."

"Oh." To hear her say that, actually voice it, is incredible. There's a pit of heat in his stomach, a burning coal, growing and threatening to spiral out of control. "I think that - " _I love you. _But she must know, though, if she knows all of this. "I think that we're okay, now, though."

"Yeah," Jade says. "We're okay."

She leans up to kiss him then, and he accepts it readily. Her mouth is warm and sweet. She tastes a little bit like toothpaste, but moreso like the gummy bears she and Cat had rapidly consumed shortly before everyone had gotten into their sleeping bags for bed. She parts his lips with her own, finding his tongue, and he can't help but groan a bit, because – _well_.

Jade just smirks a little into his mouth. She likes the noises that she can make him make. Because, you know, she is pretty much evil. Everything sort of melts away then – the silhouette of Beck's dark house in the distance, the thought of his surely painful oncoming conversation with Cat, the questions he wants to ask Jade about: NYU, what she has been talking about with Beck earlier, Steve Strickland, her earlier hesitation in her room. They kiss for a while, getting lost in it, battling for dominance of the kiss. Jade wins, as usual, standing on her toes and wrapping her arms around his neck. It's good. He lets his hands rest on her hips.

There's another soft sound from out in the yard, a muffled thump, like someone's falling, but that can't be.

Jade pulls from him reluctantly. "Okay, I know you heard that."

"Yeah," says Robbie, frowning a bit. He turns the flashlight on from her PearPhone, scanning the yard. There's nothing there aside from a goofy-looking squirrel.

"Hmm," Jade says doubtfully. Beside him, she shivers again.

"We should go in anyway," Robbie tells her. "You're cold. And it's almost morning."

"Yeah, okay," Jade responds, agreeably enough. They trek back quietly across the lawn and slip in through the kitchen door, padding themselves back into and then across the living room. Tori is spread out haphazardly, one leg kicked out over Andre, who is sleeping sort of uncomfortably, squished against Tori and the wall. Jade snorts a little bit as they step over the sleeping pair of them.

Jade takes her place beside Cat once more, and through the darkness, Robbie watches Cat immediately snuggle up to her in her sleep. Jade looks aggrieved, but doesn't knock her away, just laying her head down on the pillow.

He lays down, too, and sleeps.

Beck wakes them up exuberantly a few hours later, just past ten. Andre fiddles around the living room, cleaning up their empty candy bags and soda containers. Beck and Robbie make breakfast in the kitchen – Beck has bought gluten-free pancake mix for Robbie, and is really happy about it.

"Ew," say Tori and Jade dispassionately.

He drives Jade back to his house around one, but she doesn't come in, as she has to be back to her own home soon to watch Jefferson.

"See you," she says, and she kisses him right there in his yard, out in the open. He hopes the neighbors are watching.

"See you," he says back, smiling all moonily at her. Jade rolls her eyes and heads to her own car, and he watches, still grinning, as she pulls away from the curb and screeches down the street.

He goes inside, finds Jess still sleeping on the couch with her cell phone out, surrounded by all her weird young adult novels. He covers her with a blanket. He goes upstairs to charge his own phone.

He has a message from Tori.

_I saw you and jade last night. outside. guess that's why youre avoiding everyone._

Whoops.

**Author's Note: Ugh, chapter got away from me again. I always have fun with these ensemble chapters. Thank you, everyone, for the reviews, and for your comments saying that I've written a good Andre. :) Also, hehe, I made even lovers drown say 'kiss virginity' in a review!**


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

He doesn't get to go see Cat and talk to her as he'd like this weekend, because – well, firstly, because Tori comes over a little later that Saturday and she absolutely just yells at him for a rough time-period of about four hours.

After he receives her text, he allows himself to spend about three lengthy minutes freaking out. Everyone knows that Tori can't keep a secret. Everyone and their mother knows this – their mother's mother, their mother's mother's dog, even their mother's mother's ex-boyfriend's dog knows it. So he lets himself freak out for those three minutes, because a fourth will surely be the minute that Tori explodes and starts yelling everything she saw and heard to Trina, and then he texts her back, asking her if she would like to come over.

Okay, Tori responds, amicably enough – at least, he hopes so; sometimes he still has trouble picking apart tone via text. We can talk, she writes.

Robbie feels rather dismal, as he'd been hoping to go back to sleep for a little bit before calling Cat. Of course Tori would want to talk. Girls always want to talk. Not that that is a bad thing, you understand, but, well – some girls, namely Jade, also like to kiss, and Robbie enjoys that very much.

Anyway, he's getting lost in his thoughts again as usual. He gently wakes Jess up and shoos her off to her room, still half-asleep and grumbling, the thin throw-blanket wrapped around her and paperback books falling from her arms, lest she suddenly awake while Tori's here and further upset her by jubilantly yelling about how she knows ALL about Robbie and Jade, Jade and Robbie, RobbieandJade, and their evil, evil kissing ways, and their sometimes-cuddling-disturbingly-on-the-couch ways. It's just that Jade says he is very comfortable, you see, so it really can't be helped.

RobbieandJade?

Now the doorbell's ringing and it's surely Tori. Shoot. Fudgenuts. _Peppercorns. _"Bullfrogs!" he cries quietly to himself, and scurries quickly from the living room and down the hall, opening the door with a bright smile to a sleepy-looking Tori who also appears rather fretfully and worried.

"Hey Tori," he says, taut with nervousness. "Uh - long time no see."

Tori frowns and narrows her eyes at him. "Don't joke about not seeing me in forever because you're a lying liar, Robbie Shapiro." She pushes past him into the house, glaring all around the foyer, her arms crossed against her chest, then pauses. "And – did I hear you yelling about a frog or something?"

"Ah," Robbie squeaks, nervous and hurt. "Tori! I – I am not a lying liar!"

Tori looks unimpressed with him, raising one eyebrow quite meanly. "Oh? You didn't lie to me last night when I asked what was up with you and Jade?"

"Erm," he says.

"And you weren't lying to everyone else when we tried to hang out with you for these past few weeks and you just said you had lots of homework."

"Ahm," he says.

Tori puts her hands on her hips and frowns at him.

"Why - " his voice is a bit squeaky, as it generally gets during confrontations, so he makes to clear it quickly - "I mean, why are you so upset, Tori?"

His friend looks incredulous. "_Why?_" she demands dangerously.

"Ehm."

"Robbie!" She shoves at him right there in the foyer! "Robbie, you promised me no more keeping secrets! You said you would keep me updated!"

Oh. Yeah, he sort of had, hadn't he? Tori's getting herself all worked up now, starting to pace a little bit as she rants on at him – the first of many, many oncoming rants of the day. "I mean, I mean, I was _worried_ about you! You were just – just gone! For, like, three weeks! You hardly talk at lunch -" well, it's really very hard to talk at lunch when Jade's hand is creeping dangerously up his knee and he's trying to keep his head from exploding from blushing so hard - "god, that is, if you're even _at_ lunch, and you know what happened the last time you acted like this?"

"Er," he says.

"You had a, a, you know, a thingie! A nervous breakdown thingie! And then Cat's all upset too, she asks me about you and I just, like,_ squeak_ at her, because how am I supposed to know if you've told her yet, about the, you know, the nervous thingie, and then she goes and asks Jade, and Jade just goes, _whatever,_ like, oh, that's so nice, Jade, don't be so concerned about this guy you've kissed multiple times, and of course I can't say that, which makes my head practically explode, and then I find out you two are just – just –_ SHACKING UP TOGETHER!_"

Tori breathes heavily, trying to catch her breath.

"Well - " he starts, but Tori just interrupts him, barreling on her flustered and upset way, grousing about secrecy and lies, and was it Jade that Andre saw pulling Robbie into the storage closet? and she can't believe that he wouldn't tell her, Tori, of all people.

"Well," he tries again, and this time Tori actually falls silent to listen to him. "Well … Tori, you shouldn't be spying on people."

Tori gives him the blackest look he's ever seen from her. She looks around her wildly, grabs a vase from the foyer's end table, and comes at him, probably intending to bludgeon him.

"Tori!" he shrieks, backing against the door. "You weren't spying! You would never spy!"

"It doesn't matter if I was spying!" Tori hisses, waving the vase a bit threateningly. Robbie notes that it's the off-color red and yellow one that was given to the family by his great-uncle Marv before Marv passed away several years ago. Mom hates it and has been trying to fob it off on people for years – family members, their neighbors. She's even asked Robbie if he'd want it in his room. She'll probably be glad if Tori brains him with it. As long as he's just hurt a bit, and not killed or anything. Poor Uncle Marv.

"Robbie!" Tori yells up into his face. "Are you seriously spacing out while I'm threatening you?"

"No!" he yelps out. "No, no, I'm not!"

Tori glowers at him some more, finally relenting and taking a step back from him, but not relinquishing her grip on Uncle Marv's vase. "It doesn't matter if I was spying," she tells him. "Anyway, if you saw me and, like, Beck sneaking off outside together, wouldn't you be curious?"

"Maybe," he concedes. "But – but listen, Tori, you can't, like, tell anyone what you saw, you really can't. Jade doesn't want anyone to know yet."

Tori looks incredulous. "Why not?" she cries.

"Ah," he says. "I don't – know? Well, I sort of know, but, I mean, she doesn't want me to tell anyone, I couldn't - "

Tori looks even more upset. "And you're just okay with that? You're just, just, okay with hiding in the janitor's closet and kissing?" She glowers at him. "It better not be more than kissing, Robbie! How long has this been going on?"

"It's just kissing!" he squeaks at her. Mostly. He supposes you could say that Jade has gotten to second base, but he hasn't, not so far. He doesn't particularly understand why Jade likes his rather scrawny chest so, but it all feels very nice, so he isn't bothered. But he probably shouldn't tell Tori about that. "And, and – it hasn't been that long – I don't know, three weeks?"

"That's a long time to hide something like this," Tori says fretfully. "That's, like, the time span of reading practically a whole novel!"

"How long of a novel?" Robbie asks her, thinking of a little Jade sitting in a dirty kitchen and reading _Pet Sematary_ while her mother carried on with strange men in the next room. "I mean, I'm sort of a fast reader. I could read a novel in a few days."

Tori looks annoyed. "Okay, well, some of us aren't speed-readers like you, Robbie. Some of us need time to process things! Excuse me for being so plebeian!"

"Aw, geez, Tori!" he squawks. "Don't get mad at me now because I'm a fast reader! I have a lot of time on my hands!"

Tori glowers. "Oh, the time that you don't spend sneaking around with Jade?"

"Er," he says again.

"I just don't understand why she wouldn't want to _tell!_" Tori cries dispassionately.

"It's, it's complicated," Robbie stammers. It is. Sort of. He thinks.

Eventually he and Tori move on to the living room, where she continues her rant. Doesn't Jade care about him? Doesn't she care about their friends? Wouldn't she think they'd be _happy_ for them?

"I don't know," Robbie says.

"I mean," from where she's sitting on the couch now, Tori pouts hugely, "does she like you? Or, or is she just – just using you, in some sort of, of – ew – weird _sex_ type thing?"

"_Tori!_" he squeaks, appalled. Does she think so little of him?

"Well, I don't know!" Tori cries.

"Of course she likes me!" he cries back. "I mean, I'm pretty sure. I think so. It doesn't really matter, because I like her enough."

Tori looks sad. "And you're just okay with that?" she repeats.

He shrugs. "I, I have to be?" He bites his lip, taking the time to sit down in the desk chair across from the couch, spinning it around so that he can face her. "I mean, I, well, she said, she said that she's going to tell you guys. And she wrote me a list, Tori!"

"A list?" Tori frowns. "What kind of a list?"

"Of why she likes me."

Tori's eyes do that thing once more where they turn into hearts. She has the amazing quality of basically being able to turn into a cartoon character. "Ohmygod, really?" she gushes, abruptly switching gears. "Oh my god, Robbie, that's so cute! I mean – sort of weird and emotionally stunted, but that's, like, totally you guys."

"Uh – thanks, I think."

Tori just flaps a hand at him and leans forward some more on the couch. "What did it say?" she demands.

"Um," he says, blushing. "I don't really – I mean, it's private, I mean? I don't know if she would want me to say."

"Oh," says Tori, greatly disappointed.

He guesses that he can throw her one or two bones. "Um, she says that I'm smart. My soap smells good. And that she likes my hair."

The hearts in Tori's eyes manage to get bigger still. "Aw, Robbie!" she gasps. "You _hair!_ Aw!"

He blushes. "It's just hair, Tori."

"Exactly!" she cries.

"What … what do you mean?"

Tori makes a critical face at him, pursing her lips a little. "Well," she says, "your hair is kind of bad."

"Oh, well, thanks."

"And who cares about what the soap you use smells like?"

"Uhh - ?"

Tori waves her hands once again. "I mean, to anyone else, those things would just be things! But if Jade's noticing them, it's because they're, like, you know, on _you_, and that's why she likes them! So obviously she likes _you!_"

"Oh." He grins slowly. "Yeah, you're right, Tori."

Tori looks back at him for a moment, pleased, but then – Robbie notes with chagrin – her face slowly forms yet another frown. "So I don't _understand,_" she says, "why she's keeping you a secret."

"Ah," he says. "Well - "

"Do you want me to, to, like, try and talk to her for you?" Tori asks wonderingly, as if doing that would ever be even remotely helpful.

Robbie is suddenly vastly and wildly terrified. "You – no. No, that would be, I think that would be very bad, Tori."

Tori frowns some more. "Well, what are you going to _do?_"

Hasn't she already asked him that, like, three times?

"She said she's going to tell," he mumbles again. "Um, she said – well, we talked again, uh – before Beck's party last night? And she said she would tell you guys."

Tori's mouth twists. "Well she definitely didn't say anything at the party."

Robbie laughs a little, sadly. "Um, yeah, I know."

Now she looks a bit contemplative. "You know, if I hadn't seen you guys savagely making out on Beck's RV – which, by the way, ew – I'd have thought she was with Steve. And then you and Cat!"

Robbie turns a rather miserable shade of pink, thinking of Jade sitting beside Strickland and laughing at him and Andre, as Robbie'd sat across the room with Cat holding onto two of his fingers loosely and saying her cryptic Cat things at him that he can never understand, and he'd been looking at Jade, and he'd seen, too, that Cat was looking at Andre. So all he can say to Tori, thinking all of this, is, "Yeah."

Tori says, "I don't _understand_ her."

Robbie laughs unhappily. All of this had been fine before Tori had come over and wanted to talk about it all. He had been fine, mostly, with being Jade's secret. But now, sharing it with someone, he feels justified in feeling small, feeling like it's not right, and it hurts him a little – an actual pain right below his throat.

It wouldn't be so bad if Jade just – just _wanted_ him, though the idea of only that in any context is still rather laughable to him, even when she's biting at his neck. What he has with Jade is more than a – what had Tori grossly called it? A, a _sex type thing_, and he knows that, and Jade must know it, too.

She can be very gentle with him, reserved, almost tender. Three nights ago, on Wednesday, she had stayed over until very late with him at his house, and they had just laid in his bed, fully clothed, under his stupid Galaxy Wars sheets with their legs tangled up together and she'd had her hand on his arm and she'd just _talked_. Not sneered or scowled or snarled, just talked, and God, yes, he does enjoy the still very new kissing aspect of their relationship very much, but those times are the ones he really does love the best – when she's just Jade and he's just Robbie, and they're together, and she is just telling him things, looking at him unguardedly with her eyes big and blue blue, her voice a shade softer and half a lilt higher because there's no one around she needs to watch out for or try and take down, because she trusts him, she must.

But apparently she doesn't want anyone else to know this, that she can feel that way about _him_.

Tori rambles on some more, hits him a little bit more, makes him tell her all about Rainah and how it had happened that Jade had come to tell him of her feelings, how she'd had dinner with his mother and sister and hadn't even burped at the table (Tori had been very impressed by this), how Jess had shouted in glee and thrown her bookbag into the air. Tori yells at him for avoiding her and Beck and Cat and Andre, and says again that they worry about him, you know, would it be so very awful to spend just a single afternoon away from Jade?

"I've been talking to Andre!" he tells her indignantly. He tells Tori about how they've finished their song, Red, having submitted it to their teacher last week. He tells her about showing Andre his stupid wrists and how, weirdly, Andre had been most shocked about his mother's boyfriend. "I mean, who else would he think Billy is?"

Tori looks around for a moment, her eyes shifty, and she then decides to just ignore his question and yell at him a bit more. "You mean you still haven't told Cat and Beck?"

"Er," says Robbie. He's been meaning to.

Tori is just looking more and more upset! "Jeez, Robbie, of all the people you chose to tell last!" she berates him. "Beck is _your best friend!_"

"You're all my best friends," he says. Tori looks touched for a brief moment, but refuses to let him slide off the hook.

"And, and what about Cat?" she babbles on. "She's – you know, Cat."

"Really?" Robbie asks her. "Cat's Cat? I thought she was Trina."

Tori glowers, unamused. She looks very authoritative, sitting up straight on his couch with her arms folded severely, so he doesn't think right now would be a very good time to hint at her that he would probably be at Cat's this very second if not for her. Instead, he asks her if she'd like something to eat or to drink.

Tori eats all the gluten-free brownies Mom's bought and yells at him about Jade for the rest of the afternoon.

\\\\\\\\

The next day Jess has a soccer game and Cat doesn't answer her cell phone before noon, so he gives up on her and calls Beck instead. He warns Jess not to mention anything to Beck about Jade as they're waiting for Beck to swing by in his convertible and take them to the park in the next town over where Jess's game is being held.

"Oh, don't worry, I won't," Jess says, and then she sighs theatrically, the sound as heavy as the whole world collapsing. "Poor Beck. A dark horse with no one to love him."

Robbie frowns skeptically at her. Firstly –_ what? _Secondly: "You know he has a girlfriend, Jessie."

Jess flaps her hand in his face. "Details!" she says.

Robbie lets Jess take the front seat and he squishes himself into the back of Beck's car and he listens to him and his sister chatter on about the new superhero movie that's came out last week.

"I just love Captain America so much," Jess says dreamily.

"Me too!" says Beck. Robbie furrows his brows. Beck, glancing at him in the rearview mirror, says, "What?"

Once they get to the playing field, Beck parks up against the street corner and Jess jumps out of the car, slinging her duffel bag over her shoulder and running off to meet up with the rest of her teammates. He and Beck (well, Beck) buy sodas and hot dogs and go to find a spot to sit on the bleachers. It's a lot of parents and screaming little siblings. It makes Robbie a little sad that instead of a mom and dad here, all Jess has is her dorky brother and his weird best friend, who's wrapped his just-below-chin length hair up into a high ponytail to keep it from blowing everywhere in the wind, the tip of which is pointing comically up at the sky, alternating between eating a corn dog with mustard dipped on it and a regular hot dog with ketchup because he just couldn't decide which was better.

"Whoa, look at her_ go_!" cries Beck as Jess intercepts the soccer ball from a girl on the opposing team with a hard collision to the shoulder and sends the ball skidding into the net. Some hot dog bits fly out of his mouth and land on the sleeve of Robbie's sweater. "Oh, sorry." Beck bats at his arm.

Robbie doesn't mind. He and Beck sand up to clap loudly and cheer for Jess. Some of the teammates parents stand up, too, making Robbie feel good.

They settle back down. Beck looks happy. "She's really good," he says, casting another admiring glance out to the soccer field.

"Yeah," Robbie agrees. He doesn't really know what else to say, and he feels a bit nervous, waiting for Beck to chew him out about disappearing again.

But Beck just leans back onto the bleachers and slurps loudly at his sweating soft drink. "Haven't been able to talk to you much," he says. "Sorry – Ali is really freaking out about the showcase, so I've been helping her out a lot."

"Oh," says Robbie. "Oh, that's – that's okay."

"So what's been up with you, man?" Beck asks him. "How's the, you know, the Jade thing going? I can't believe you dumped Rainah!"

Three weeks later, and he's only getting to really tell Beck about it. He is a bad friend. Why can't be prioritize? It's hard to explain to Beck about the breakup, because he can't really talk to him about the Jade aspect of it, which is – well, the whole thing, practically.

"Told you it wasn't a good idea," is all Beck says. "So how is that going, anyway – the Jade thing?"

He is a lying liar! "Oh, it's really, you know, not going," he lies miserably. "I don't – actually, I don't really want to talk about Jade - "

"Oh, I don't blame you there, man," Beck smirks, and Robbie glowers at him half-heartedly.

Robbie continues on, ignoring him: "D'you – um, I want to say, I wanted to tell you something, if I, if you want to know, I, just, you, um - "

Beck is laughing at him. "Sentences, Robbie," he says. "What do you want to tell me?"

He hadn't meant to bring this up here, on top of the bleachers that are shaking a bit with the incredible weight of many heavy soccer moms below them and his sister playing out on the field, his sister who should have his full attention, but it's just slipped out. Robbie squares his thin shoulders, gearing himself up. "Um, me and Jess, we weren't really at a soccer tournament in Washington last year."

Beck looks horribly confused. "Oh yeah?" he says questioningly.

Robbie holds his breath in for a second. "No. Um, um, I got sort of, um, sick, I guess."

Beck's eyes get huge and dark. "Robbie," he cries, "are you trying to tell me you're _dying_?" He hovers over him, dangerously too close.

"No!" Robbie yelps, wondering why Beck must be crazy always, and shoves him back into a sitting position. "You – will you just listen? I'm not dying!"

Beck settles back down onto the bleachers, looking momentarily soothed. "Okay," he says. "You're not dying. So where did you go?"

Robbie sighs. "Do you know, um, about how I told you when we first met, that I, I didn't have a dad – I mean, I didn't know him anymore?"

Beck nods. "Yeah," he says. "We're founding members of the single parents club." Now he knits his eyebrows together in concern. "Did your dad come back or something?"

"Ah – no. Um, he never, never really left."

And so he spills all of it to Beck. It is necessary first to tell him of his father, and how sick he has become, because that is a part of it, a big part of Robbie's life. Beck looks shocked and amazed and upset, and he asks Robbie too many questions about Alzheimer's and the nursing home and is the receptionist cute? He tells him about the apparent case of depression he has. He tells him about his mother cheating on his father and Jess being mad at him for so long and Anna dying and not making the spring talent showcase and how he'd thrown Rex – Beck looks impressed – and cutting his hands up on the mirror and the hospital and all of it.

When he finishes Beck just leans back against the end railing of the beachers and frowns and sucks on his lip contemplatively. "Hm," he says.

"What?" Robbie says nervously. "What are you thinking about?"

Beck considers him. "I'm deciding whether or not to be mad at you," he tells him.

"Oh," says Robbie in a great depression.

Beck sort of snorts at his hang-dog expression, and he says, "You did lie to me, Rob. I felt so dumb! Cat and I were so scared for you! Then you all made me think I was crazy, worrying about you, when it turns out something was wrong anyway."

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't – I don't know, I didn't think you would care."

Now Beck gives him an extremely incredulous look. "He didn't think I would care," he says in an aside to the live audience he sometimes pretends their lives are acted out in front of. "Only my best friend – the first and only guy I've ever had a bromance with – and he thinks I _don't care._"

Robbie laughs before he can help himself. "Can you_ stop_?" he asks him.

"Sorry," says Beck, allowing him a half-grin. "Just – Jesus, Rob! Or, you know, _Moses._"

"Yeah," says Robbie, once again in great misery.

Beck purses his lips at him, swiping an errant strand of dark hair from the side of his face. "Who else knows about this?"

"Uh – Jade knows. Jade is the first one I told." He tells him about meeting her in Sikowitz's empty classroom on that early July morning.

"Jade was so upset when you'd gone," Beck says contemplatively.

"Really?" he asks, his voice a shade too high.

Beck waves a hand. "You know – not like she said it. But I still know Jade, a little bit. She was really worried. I mean, she was the one who'd gone to your house."

And that's where the first of the lies had came in. he traces back the timeline, remembers how her few texts and calls had suddenly shorted out on that day. Then she'd known that he'd just left. Everyone is always leaving Jade. He feels a sharp pain in his throat again.

"Yeah," he says, swallowing it down. "Well – well she knows, and I told Tori, and then, then I told Andre, a few weeks back."

Beck, insanely, looks jealous. "Oh, I see," he says, maybe to Robbie, but probably to the fictional audience. "Told Andre before me. Doesn't care about me."

Robbie laughs again. "I just – I mean, he was there."

Beck looks affronted. "I'm there!" he says. "You could have told me anytime! You could have sent me a message on xBox!"

Beck squabbles at him some more, and Robbie feels better. He isn't even too horribly embarrassed when Beck grabs at his wrist, pushing his sleeves up so that he can poke at the scars. "_Cool,_" he says, being Robbie's best friend. "You look like you got into a fight!"

"Yeah, okay," Robbie mutters, flushing.

Beck smiles into the sun. "Maybe we should get you a leather jacket," he says. "Maybe a sword! That will impress Jade. Did you know she knows Krav Maga?"

"What is that?"

Beck looks at him darkly. "That," he says, "is what Jennifer Lopez used to kick butt in the movie Enough. And it is wonderful."

"I'm sure," says Robbie.

**Author's Note: Oh my god why can I not write a short chapter but at least most of it's out in the air now and next chapter I can have Jade confess all and then they'll all go bowling yay.**


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter Fifty-One**

Monday rolls by, and then Tuesday and Wednesday too, as days are wont to do. On Monday, Robbie calls and he gets his job back. The furniture owner seems really happy to hear from him, and after he questions Robbie rather exuberantly about his life and does he have any girlfriends and by the way, how is his mother doing (which is so weird), after Robbie says, "Ah," and "Er," and "Well," about forty times, he tells him to come in next weekend and they'll have him put back on the books.

Jade reluctantly attends her math class those days. Robbie does miss their – their, well, meetings; he does miss their meetings in the janitor's closet but after he pesters her about her grade point average and does some musing about valedictorian Sinjin she scowls a little bit and she goes to her classes.

She doesn't tell their friends about him, him and her, or her and him, and Robbie tries very hard not to be bothered by it – it's just that she said she _would_, and it's been almost another week now. It's hard not to feel badly about it when he's sitting next to her at lunch and she and Cat are talking about boys (well, Cat is talking, and Jade is mostly making affirmative noises), and Cat calls some junior guy a 'dream boat," and Jade looks considering and says, "Yeah."

Robbie looks down at his diced chicken sadly. He doesn't think that he, Robbie, is what anyone would call a dream boat. Beck frowns a little, watching him, because he thinks Robbie is still pining after Jade, and Tori frowns too, because she knows he is, and that it is actually breaking his heart a little bit.

"Do you want to hang out today?" Robbie asks her at the start of English class before the teacher sweeps into the room and they're just taking out their notebooks.

Jade looks sort of skeptical for a moment and then she says, "I can't today – I have to go – I have fill out – well, my dad wants me to send these papers back to some schools, and I've been putting it off, and it's been like weeks, and I have to."

That's probably the closest to rambling that he's ever heard her come. He looks at her sadly, thinking about NYU, and says, "Oh, okay, that's fine."

Jade allows him a small smile. "But maybe tomorrow," she says.

"Okay," he says again, and then Mrs Varley is pulling the classroom door closed and turning on the overhead projector and asking brightly how everyone felt about chapter thirteen. Jade sighs theatrically, not opening up her book because she hates it.

So he's by himself on Wednesday, which isn't really a bad thing, because it's a week into December now and their midterms are coming up and jeez, he has so many physics notes to go through, and it's such a mess because Cat likes to riffle through his notebooks at lunch and his papers are all out of order and have cartoon puppies and rainbows and hearts drawn all over them.

It's about dinnertime and his stomach starting to rumble a bit when Andre calls him, actually hooting a little in excitement as a greeting when Robbie answers the phone.

"Hello?" Robbie says into the mouthpiece once more, a little doubtful, hoping Andre's grandmother hasn't taken his phone again and accidentally dialed him or gave it to the neighbor kid who is the reason Andre's old phone was broken for a month and no one could get in touch with him.

But it is Andre. "Guess what song is going to be featured in the showcase!" he hollers happily.

Robbie's mouth drops open. "No way!" he gasps into his phone.

"Sinjin's cello solo!" Andre says in glee.

Robbie falls silent.

Then Andre laughs loudly. "Yeah right!" he says. "It's us, Rob! We got the finale slot!"

"Wow," says Robbie wonderingly. "Wow, that's awesome."

"Um, you bet your butt it's awesome," Andre tells him, sounding thrilled. "Juliani -" that's their Guitar Theory professor - "was so impressed, man. He said it's probably the best song he's heard all year. Like, even on the _radio!_"

Robbie chuckles at Andre's excitement. He's pretty pumped, too. Nothing he's ever done at Hollywood Arts has been particularly commended.

"We're _bosses_!" Andre shouts, then Robbie can actually feel Andre wince, through the phone. "NOTHING, GRAM!" he shouts in a much louder voice. "NO, IT DON'T MEAN ANYTHING BAD! YOU – WOMAN, JUST EAT YOUR DANG PANCAKES."

Robbie looks at his wristwatch. Pancakes? It's after seven. Well, maybe they're having dinner-breakfast together. That's a nice thought.

Andre sighs, put-upon. "I'm being too loud," he tells Robbie, his voice raised a bit and sounding sort of pointed, probably so that his grandmother can hear, "so now _Crazy_ is picking at me. I'll just talk to you in school tomorrow, since it's the ONLY PLACE I CAN HAVE SOME PEACE! _THE ONLY PLACE!_"

He hears an indignant squawk in the background. "All right," he tells Andre. "See you tomorrow."

\\\\\\\\

He wakes up a little bit late on Thursday, but who cares? It's, you know, Thursday, and the halls are already pretty crowded by the time he pushes his way into school. He spots, oddly, Tori and Jade standing over by Jade's locker, not really talking and looking at each other with their eyes narrowed and their arms folded tightly across their respective frames. He comes over to them.

"Hey guys," he says somewhat nervously, because that look on Jade's face is something that never leads up to anything good.

Jade closes her eyes briefly and then her face smooths out into impassivity, and Tori flashes him one of her brilliant hundred-watt smiles. "Hi Robbie!" she cries out.

Robbie takes the time to admire Jade. "Your hair looks nice like that," he says before he can help himself.

Jade glares at him like he's said, _Your hair looks nice like that, all shaved off, _or maybe, _Your hair looks nice like that, burnt to all heck, _and she slams her locker shut suddenly, elbowing Robbie aside as she starts to push her way down the hall. "What's it to you, Shapiro?" she hollers without turning around.

Oh. Okay.

Robbie frowns after her. He hasn't even seen her since school yesterday – what could he possibly have done to anger her off now?

"Gee," says Tori loudly and nervously. "I can't imagine why she is suddenly so upset. Oh no, the time! Gee! See you, Robbie!" She flits off in the direction Jade has went in.

He frowns after her, too. Girls are so weird. Has he mentioned that?

But Jade just sits calmly beside him at lunch like she hasn't screamed at him earlier – what's up with that? He doesn't question it, though. He takes what he can get.

Cat is chattering on happily and blithely as usual, picking apart the wheat bread on her sandwich as she tries to keep Jade's attention. She's telling Jade about this new boy she's just starting to date, Trevor.

"-and then his hair just sort of flopped into his eyes and it was really the cutest thing ever, I think he'd look so good in a purple plaid shirt, he likes coconuts, which aren't as good as papayas but that's all right, and do you want to go bowling this weekend?"

Jade has somehow managed to follow all of this, because she just looks unimpressed by Cat and not at all confused. "When have I ever wanted to go bowling?" she asks.

Cat looks greatly saddened. "Well," she says, "this is only the third time Trevor and I have been out. We haven't even kissed yet!" Across the table, Andre looks glad. "So I thought, I mean, I don't want there to be any pressure, you know, but I still want to spend time with him, so I thought maybe you could come along - "

"What, as your _chaperone?_" Jade asks, and for some reason, instead of disgusted, she just sounds sort of intrigued.

Cat titters. "Jade!" she says. "No! I was thinking, well, we could find someone, and you could go with them, and it'll be like a, a, you know, a double date!"

Tori's eyes get very wide. On the other side of her, at the head of the table like some demented grunge king, Steve Strickland's eyes get very wide too for some reason. Jade looks doubtful. "Um, I don't know," she says.

Cat pouts hugely. "Please, Jade! Please!" She sounds like Jefferson when he really wants something, like the lump of fat that Jade keeps proudly in a jar high up on her bookshelf. He wonders if they discuss negotiation tactics with each other – to be honest, he wouldn't be surprised. "I think it would be a good thing! I mean you haven't - " she shoots a quick look at Beck, then glances back at Jade, and deems whatever it is she wants to say as all right - "haven't been on a date since Beck, and that was, like, a year and a half ago, almost, practically a _decade!_"

Jade doesn't look upset, thankfully. "A whole decade," she says, musing and dry. "Yeah. All right, I'll go bowling."

Robbie looks down at his Physics homework in abject misery. He slurps at his iced tea. Tori frowns some more.

Cat is squealing. "I know so many nice boys now! There are so many cool people in my Costume Design class! Oh, there's Mark – I think you're really like his hair! - or there's, there's, um, I can't remember his name, he's from India though, he has the nicest shirt - "

Jade's just shaking her head, though, vetoing all of Cat's suggestions. "No," she says demurely, "I already know who I want to go with." Then she turns to him. "Shapiro, what are you doing this weekend?"

Robbie looks up at her in surprise and also sort of manages to half swallow his twisty straw and spends nearly ten seconds choking as the whole table stares at him. "Um," he croaks, throat burning. "Nuh – nothing."

"What a surprise. You wanna go bowling with me?"

He turns redder than a fire hydrant. "Yes," he squeaks, wiping some iced tea off of his glasses. The whole table stares some more. "Yes, I want to."

Jade smiles tightly. "Good," she says, then turns back to Cat, "I'll go bowling with Robbie. Because we're dating." To the whole table, she repeats, very coldly, "We're dating now. We're together." She pats Robbie's knee very hard, to affirm this.

Robbie is still about twelve shades of too-red but he's also feeling insanely pleased and Tori's grinning at him and Beck's mouth is just wide open and so is Andre's and Ali just looks a little happy for them both.

"So … Robbie likes _girls?_" Andre is the first to yelp out. "Really?"

Tori leans across Steve to hit him with her history book. "Andre!" she cries. "Would you just drop it!"

"_What?_" says Robbie. Andre gives him an abashed grin.

"Sorry, man."

Beck laughs loudly. "I told you he wasn't _gay!_" he says to Andre, cuffing him on the shoulder. "I told you!"

Robbie's mouth drops open. Why would he be gay? "Why would I be gay?" he demands of Andre, his voice all squeaky.

Andre just looks at him critically. "It's nothing," he says, as Robbie squawks and huffs some more. Jade just looks very put-upon and depressed at the insanity that has become her life. Steve Strickland is just leaned back in the chair he's pulled up to sit with them at the picnic table, two legs of it off the ground and into the air because he's that cool, and he looks very happy and very, very amused.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me about this, Robbie," Beck says from across the table now, glaring daggers at him. "More lies! My best friend! You couldn't -"

"Oh, shut up, I told him not to tell anyone," Jade grouses, always the first to try and pick a fight with Beck, still.

"I'm really sorry," Robbie offers.

"So, Jade, was it you I saw drag Robbie into that closet last week?" Andre demands of her in rabid interest.

Jade looks distressed. "Maybe," she says.

Andre looks awed. "You've got strong-lookin' shoulders," he says, and rubs at his chin, musing.

"What the hell does that mean?" Jade snarls, hunching her shoulders in what Andre takes for rage but Robbie sees is insecurity. "Are you saying that I have great big _man-shoulders,_ Harris?"

"No, no, not at all," Andre says, terrified.

"I like your shoulders," Robbie tells Jade, who looks just looks aggrieved and not like she's feeling more confident about her shoulders at all.

"Wait, what closet?" demands Beck. "The closet by Sikowitz's class? Jade! We used to go to that closet!"

Robbie turns purple, remembering. Jade glares at him. "You have no decorum," she says, scowling. "Why are you going to bring that up in front of your girlfriend?"

"Was that your lipgloss I found in there on the floor the other day?" Ali squeaks at her, obviously (and incredibly oddly) not bothered by the implication that Beck and Jade used to make out – apparently in the very same closet that she and Beck currently use to have, erm, gatherings.

"Like you have room to talk!" Beck squawks, to Jade as well, sounding affronted, his eyes a little big and manic in the way they get when he's not willing to let something drop.

"Oh shit, was it the cherry-mango one?" Jade asks Alison, ignoring Beck, and Robbie drifts off into happy thought. Mangos have really brought him a lot of luck in his life. He's glad that Jade's found her lip gloss – it's the one that tastes the best.

"_Jade!_" cries Beck, upset at the attention being taken off of him. He turns to Robbie with a particularly mournful expression. "Robbie, why would you -"

Ali pokes Beck in the side of the throat with a finger, and he squawks again. "Just shut up and be happy for your friend," she tells him blithely, and Beck opens and closes his mouth a few times in shock.

"Okay, baby," he says, and then shuts his mouth with finality.

Throughout all this, Cat has been very silent and she looks a little confused and honestly a bit upset, her dark brows furrowing together to nearly meet low on her forehead. "I don't understand," she finally says in a small voice to Jade, who turns to her again, starting to frown. "You – you're dating _Robbie?_"

"Yeah?" says Jade slowly, her own brows going down a bit. "I just said - "

"You like _Robbie?_" Cat cries, and she looks around at everyone sort of wildly, her frown widening even more. "Robbie?" she says again, her face a mask of incredulity, eyes the widest he's ever seen.

"Ah, Cat - " Robbie starts to say, but apparently she hasn't been talking to him at all, because she turns to Jade once more and repeats: "_Robbie?_"

Jade looks a bit perturbed. "Cat," she says, in a weird halting way that Robbie's never encountered before, and he's thought he's known all the tones and faces and expressions of Jade.

"But you said you would _never!_" says Cat. "You said – you said – you wouldn't – and you … you _are?_ You're _lying?_ You like _Robbie?_" She stands up abruptly, shaking the bench, knocking her purse over. "You said you didn't!"

Everyone is staring. Steve Strickland looks sort of concerned, like he's watching a really good movie that he's rather invested in and doesn't want to end or anything to turn out more badly for the main character. Beck and Ali and Tori look scared, as they've never seen Cat get really upset before. Andre looks somewhat confused and sad. Jade is half-leaned up at Cat, staring up at her with big eyes, looking in_ the strangest way_ actually very nervous and she looks upset too, and, well, Robbie doesn't know what he looks like, because he doesn't have a mirror.

"Cat," says Jade in the way you'd say something to a cute animal that's walked up to you in the rain and you want to kind of pet it but you're not sure if it has rabies or not, but Cat just interrupts her to cry out once more, "You like _Robbie!_ I can't believe you!"

Jade just stares at her with her mouth hanging open a little bit. He guesses that she doesn't know what to say – he doesn't know what to say, either. Honestly, he finds Cat's reaction to be a bit bizarre. Is he really_ so bad_? Why does she sound so upset? He knows that she's been sneaking glances at Andre the whole period, and she has this date with Thomas or Treacle or Travis – she isn't – she couldn't be – jealous, could she?

"You're a liar," Cat says tearfully to Jade, and then she's jetting out of the courtyard and ripping the ugly, ugly hemp hoodie Jade's bought her off and throwing it onto a pile of freshman and stalking back into the school with just her t shirt all rumpled.

There's about eight seconds of collective silence at the table as everyone slowly draws their gaping mouths shut before Jade is moaning, "Oh, _Christ!_" and then she slides from the table, too, and stalks off in the direction that Cat's run. Robbie hears her muttering angrily as she leaves, "_This fucking girl!_" and if Jade's muttering, then maybe it isn't so bad.

"What the hell just happened?" Strickland asks, looking around a lot at everyone's faces and seeming depressed to find that everyone is just as confused as he is.

Beck frowns. "As far as I can tell, Cat either thinks Robbie is really, really gross, and is disappointed in Jade, or Cat thinks Robbie is really, really great, if you know what I mean, and is disappointed in Jade."

"Yeah," says Alison, also looking perturbed. "That's what I got from it too."

Beck gives her a little grin. "Great minds, babe," he says and leans in to kiss her nose, but she swats him away, looking annoyed and squeaking, "Jesus, Beck, not now!"

"I'm not gross," Robbie says sadly. "Tori, am I really, really gross?"

"Not_ really _really," Tori says supportively, and Robbie just sighs and puts his head on the table.

**Author's Note: Okay, so it is me, the lying liar that lied, and they didn't go bowling in this chapter because then it would be like 6,000 words and I'm not doing that to you guys again, so that's all for next. Anyway, at least now you all have something to read now instead of in two days. Ugh, but it's the weekend almost, and my boyfriend bought Skyrim and just stares at the TV instead of me now which means you'll probably get two or three chapters anyhow.**

**I know I said this would end in ten chapters, like, 12 chapters ago, but that's clearly not the case. I _am_ wrapping things up, but I don't want to limit myself with a word count any longer so here's to the very eventual long-ass end. Also, who is the wonderful person that keeps sending me amazing messages about this story on Tumblr? I think I love you.  
**


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter Fifty-Two**

Jade doesn't come to English class, but Robbie hasn't really expected her to. He takes very bad notes on the next few chapters of Catcher in the Rye – Jade will go over them later, probably, dismiss them, and write him new ones. Or at least he hopes. He has no idea what's going on with her right now, her and Cat. He assumes that's where she is now, with Cat.

He scans the halls for either girl on the way to his second guitar class, but his searches prove fruitless. Andre is grinning at him when he finally comes into the classroom. "You and Jade," he says immediately, and Robbie can't help but smile a little too.

Then he remembers he's feeling offended at Andre. "Gay?" he cries, and hits Andre with his composition book. Andre laughs happily.

"I'm sorry!" he cries. "Just – well, okay, so I cleared up who Billy was, but then you and West are always talking about, like, some _Albert guy,_ who is that, and just, I mean, I had a whole theory going – you're very neat, and sometimes you have these mannerisms - "

"I do not have mannerism!" Robbie exclaims, flapping his arms.

" - like that," Andre says pointedly, "and anyway, everyone is a little gay, and I was so being supportive!"

"They are?" Robbie asks doubtfully. "Everyone?"

"Aside from me," Andre says, beaming smoothly. Robbie laughs. Juliani comes in and he hands back their composition papers and he congratulates him and Andre once more on their song, and didn't Robbie hear the voice message Juliani's left on his machine?

"Erm," says Robbie. He's been scared to check the answering machine since Monday, when Beck had left a long musical soliloquy about how Robbie got his scars in an epic duel with Voldemort and something about Robbie being a werewolf now. It's good to know that his life can give Beck such creative energy, but does he have to_ sing_ about it? The song is better than the one Beck's composed about him to the tune of "Circle of Life," though. At least there's that.

After Juliani's moved on, busy trying to console Sinjin, Robbie turns back to Andre. "So, um … " he starts, biting his lip a little. "Do you know anything about, you know, about Cat?"

Andre frowns back at him. "That thing at lunch? No, your guess is as good as mine."

"Hmm," Robbie says doubtfully. "It just seemed like … "

"She's mad 'cause she likes you?" Andre asks, and he actually grins a little.

"Well - " says Robbie haltingly. "I – yeah, I don't know. Why aren't you mad?"

Andre shrugs. "Karma, ain't it?"

Robbie frowns.

Andre just shrugs again. "Look, man, I don't know. Y'know I still like Cat … but we broke up months ago, and I'm the one that did it. If she likes you … well, you're one of my best friends, so I can't be mad about it. Remember, I thought she did over the summer."

"Well, nothing would happen," Robbie says decisively. "Because I love Jade."

Andre looks impressed. "You _love_ her?"

"Ah," says Robbie, going faintly red.

Andre just smiles. "You're a brave man, Robbie Shapiro. A brave, brave man."

\\\\\\\\\

Jade is waiting for him at his locker when he reaches it after Audio/Visual class. She looks bored. "Want to go to my house for a while?" she asks.

"Sure," he says, and they walk out of the building together. He feels nervous, and asks her, "So – is Cat - ?"

Jade just shrugs dismissively like she does when she's trying to make a big thing into a much smaller deal. "It's fine now," she says.

"Oh," he says, unlocking the passenger side door and then opening it for her. She gives him a little smirk as she slides in and then when he keeps looking at her, she sighs and buckles her seatbelt. Pleased, he scurries around to his side of the car. He continues: "So – you guys are okay? Everything is okay?"

"Yeah," Jade says, looking thoughtful – the look quickly turns to depression. "And we still have to go bowling."

"She – but why was she upset?" he hedges, edging the car out of Hollywood Arts' parking lot and merging onto the highway. "She doesn't – it seemed like – she doesn't _like_ me, does she?"

Jade throws her head back and laughs. "No!" she says. "God, no."

"Oh," he says dumbly. He guesses that's good, but she doesn't have to sound _so_ very amused. It would be strange and ridiculous for Cat to get a crush on him after all this time. "Well – well, good."

He's pretty much considering the conversation a closed topic now and is thinking of something else to say that will make Jade laugh, because despite snorting at him she still looks sort of serious, but then Jade's furrowing her brows and biting her lip in the way that means she wants to say something.

"It's just – look, Cat has this thing about, like, _honesty_, and the thing is, I, uh - " she looks around shiftily, "might have spent the past three years, you know, making jokes about what a dork you are and quoting The Puppetmaster and calling you derogatory names and talking a lot about you have sex with flowers, you know, germination, because you're asexual, so – so, me liking you, may have come as a slight shock to her."

"Oh," says Robbie, then: "You're a very lovely person."

Jade smirks. "Yes, I am," she says lightly, then looks troubled again. "I mean. Look, Cat is my – ugh. Cat is my best friend, and we used to be a lot closer, and it sucks, I was shitty when I started dating Beck, and then stupid Tori came along and tried to _take her_, so I've been trying to make it up to her, and we're not supposed to_ lie_ to each other, because everyone is, like, a liar, and she might have asked me about you, like, in September, and I may have insinuated that you're gross and I would never go out with you."

"Oh," he says again. He feels sort of bad. "I'm gross?"

"No, you aren't gross," Jade says, looking cross. "Just – just, I didn't want to _be_ with anyone, it's not like I wanted to like you and think you're all – _stuff,_ it just happened, I didn't want it to, and at the time, I was still hoping it would go away, so I didn't tell her. I didn't want her to be, like, _planning_ shit."

"Planning stuff?"

Jade shoots him a sidelong irritated look. "You know, like shitty getting-together stuff. I didn't see the point, I mean, I had a boyfriend before, and that didn't work out, so I just, like, I didn't want to like you, I started hanging out with Strickland a lot to get away from it, we even made out once - "

Robbie almost drives off the road in a jealous rage -

"and even that didn't help, we macked for like three minutes and then were just like, nope, because he's still hung up on his old girlfriend, who is like this Tori-lite guido girl, and I'm hung up on stupid fucking you, so we sort of, like, just started bonding about it, and I had already told him I liked you, so … so it was like, if I didn't tell a lot of people, maybe it would go away, so I just … I didn't let Cat know." Now she looks sad.

He doesn't really know what to say to all of this, so he just asks, sort of weirdly touched, "You told Strickland about me?"

"Yes, and he was such an _enormous fucking asshole_ about it," she gripes, looking pissed, remembering. "He was like a little fucking cheerleader. Apparently my life is _so funny._"

Robbie smiles a little. Now Strickland's weirdness and vague comments and silly little smirks whenever he and Jade and Robbie are together make sense to him. He's very unhappy that Strickland has kissed Jade, but he just decides to ignore it as a loss because, well, she isn't kissing him any more, and three minutes is a very small amount of time when you consider the many many minutes that Robbie and Jade have spent kissing over just these past few weeks.

When they get to her house, Jade decisively announces that she's hungry – she'd left her lunch to go troop after Cat – and she leads him to her kitchen, stopping suddenly to glare incredulously at the form of her father, who's sitting hunched at the small kitchen table, papers spread around him, working on a crossword in the newspaper.

"What are you doing home so early?" she demands as Robbie sort of bumps into her, not anticipating her sudden halt.

Mr West looks up a little from his papers, looking not at all disgruntled at his daughter's tone of voice, and, Robbie notes, rather pleased, not entirely devastated to see Robbie trailing along behind her.

"Mason started a grease fire in the lab," he says in his quiet voice. "We were all sent home for the afternoon."

Jade snorts happily, moving further into the room and starting to bang around in the cabinets. "What a chump," she says, and looks at a jar of beets in disgust before she tosses it into the trash.

"Yes," says Mr West. His bifocals are resting atop his head, and he feels them lightly, as if making sure they're still there. "Hello Robbie."

"Hi Mr West," Robbie says nicely. He comes around and leans on the counter across from Jade, who's started to make what looks like a ham sandwich. She also has a plastic jar of tiny marshmallows out and keeps looking at it consideringly, which disturbs Robbie. He feels like he should try and make small talk with Jade's father, so he says as an offering, "Jade said that you saw John Fogerty in concert once."

"I did," says Mr West. "It was a very nice show."

"Wow," says Robbie. "Did he play any Creedence songs? Did he play 'Green River?' I love that song."

Mr West looks sort of happy. "He may have." To Jade, he says, "Darling, Green River a song off of Creedence Clearwater Revival's 1969 album of the same name. I do know that they played - "

"Don't care," says Jade, interrupting, "and you sound like a walking infomercial." She spreads some mayonnaise on a slice of bread.

Mr West fills in a line of his crossword. "It's nice to know that when science fails me I can successfully move on to advertising," is all he says.

Robbie laughs a little. Jade rolls her eyes in the weary way of people who have weird and dorky parents and boyfriends. Then she sprinkles some marshmallows onto her sandwich.

"Junebug," says Mr West, "what's a twelve-letter word for enlightenment?"

_Junebug!_

Jade looks hideously aggrieved. "Illumination," she mumbles around a mouthful of candy-and-ham.

"There are two kinds of light – the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures," says Mr West, happily penciling it in.

"_What?_" Jade crabs, sounding far more irritated than is unnecessary, Robbie thinks.

"You're the reader," Mr West says, not looking up. "Shouldn't you know that quote? Perhaps you should Bing it."

"Dad, you are being _so weird_ today," Jade tells him, hunching her shoulders once more in aggravation, and Robbie's startled to see that the lines of her body greatly resemble, in a weird and small way, that of her father's, who is also hunching over his crossword. He finds it oddly sweet and very cute.

"Hm," is all Mr West says, engrossed in his crossword.

Finding her sandwich suitable, Jade shoves an armful of stuff back in the fridge and grabs at a can of soda for herself, then tosses Robbie a water bottle. She takes her sandwich plate up in her other hand, and says to her father, "We're going upstairs now. We'll leave you to your _work_."

"All right, my darling," says Mr West demurely. Jade looks at him in moderate mortification again, and she sweeps past him and Robbie.

"_Junebug_," is all Robbie says when they're alone in her room.

"Shut up!" Jade yells around a mouthful of sandwich. She chews fitfully, glaring at him, then swallows. "He is so weird. He's in a really good mood today. Isn't that the most he's ever said to you?"

Robbie thinks about it. "Yeah, probably."

Jade scowls some more. "Beck used to do impersonations of my dad," she tells him.

"Did he?" Robbie asks, surprised. That doesn't seem very much like Beck to him. He must know how much Jade cares for her father and wants his approval, he doesn't see why -

"Well, he only did it like two or three times, he stopped when I screamed at him."

Oh.

"I know my dad is weird," Jade continues.

Robbie shrugs. He interrupts her: "Everyone's weird."

Jade looks thoughtful. "Yeah, I guess so."

Robbie sits on the bed beside her as she eats her sandwich and flicks absently through the channels on her television, finally settling on The Wonder Years. Jade looks happy.

"Jade?" he manages to ask after a few minutes.

She looks back at him blankly. "Robbie," she says, teasing him.

"Can I – since we're, um, dating now, can I ask you something without you getting very mad at me?"

"I guess so," Jade says, sounding rather unhappy.

"You – why didn't you tell me about getting into NYU?"

Jade looks perturbed. "You know about that?"

"Ah – Cat told me."

"Of course she did," Jade mumbles darkly. "Well, it's not a big deal."

Robbie just stares at her in surprise and faint disappointment. "Jade, you moving across country is a _huge_ deal. Do you think I wouldn't care? I mean, I mean, I'm really happy for you - "

Jade looks bored. "Maybe I'm not going to NYU, loser."

Robbie stares. "You … what?"

"I'm not _going_ to NYU. I was just pumped that I got in."

"But … it's your top school," he says, utterly confused. "It was all you talked about."

Jade rolls her eyes at him like she finds him tiresome! "Yeah, in, like, sophomore year," she sneers. "It's a great school – it's not like I wasn't thinking about it. But I don't really want to do film anymore."

"Oh," he says stupidly.

Jade scowls at him like he's challenged her. "What's wrong with Berkeley?" she demands.

"Nuh – nothing!"

She glares some more. "Well, they have a really good writing program. And I can do theatre there, and I _know_ I'll get the lead in all the plays, unless freaking Vega decides to apply there too. Not like she has the grades for it, thank god."

"Oh," he says again. "So … you aren't going to New York?"

Jade purses her lips at him, and says, "No, not unless all my other schools _reject me_. Look, I'm, like – finally getting along with my parents, and – God, Robbie, Jeff is _weird_, and he's going to be in middle school in another year, I need to be, like, not twenty thousand hours away if he gets picked on." Very grumpy, she adds: "And _you're_ going to be here, aren't you?"

"Yes," says Robbie, insanely pleased. Jade just gives him another annoyed look, then leans on him and turns back to the TV.

"So just shut up about it," she says, and eats her sandwich.

"Okay." He sits quietly for a few moments, feeling the weight of her beside him. He adds, "Thank you for telling them."

"Whatever," Jade gruffs, then she pokes him savagely in the side. He is used to this, though, so he doesn't even squeak. "Look, just because we're dating, it doesn't mean you can go prancing around telling everyone and their mother that you're my _boyfriend_ now, all right?"

"Okay," he says again. Jade 'hmms' quietly, reaching over and putting her now-empty plate on the nightstand. Robbie wonders, then asks: "So what was it like to kiss Steve Strickland? Was it good?"

Jade scowls at him and also manages to make her sour lemon face at the same time. "Why don't _you_ kiss him and find out?"

Robbie just turns his head to look at her, pushing his glasses up on his face with two fingers. "I don't want your sloppy seconds," he tells her.

Jade actually gasps a little, like he's said something horrible and like she doesn't say horrible things every minute of every day, and then she leans over and starts smacking him in the arm. "You – are – so – _rude!_"

Robbie laughs, yelps, bats her away, and finally grabs at her arm to stop her. "Jade, come on," he says, still laughing.

"Unhand me!" She hit him with her other arm, and then in one easy motion swings her leg around so that now she's straddling him. She reflexes her wrist in his grip and glowers at him.

Robbie lets her arm go, and she uses it to shove him onto his back, then threateningly waves a fist in his face.

"Don't hurt me, Jade," he says, looking up at her.

Jade glares at him consideringly. "Maybe I won't at this particular moment," she says. "I _don't want_ to talk about Steve."

"Okay," he says, and he leans up to kiss her quickly then, also wrapping his arms around her waist so that when he falls back onto the bed, she comes with him, landing on his chest. Her hair fans out all over his face and it smells good, and she didn't even struggle.

"Hate you so much," Jade says into his neck, and then places a kisses where her words had landed.

"I know," he says, playing with her hair. She kisses his neck again, and she keeps doing it for a while.

\\\\\\\\\\

Later that night, he leaves Jade's, feeling rather full because he'd had dinner there, which – it was really nice of Sophia to invite him, and also really happy because Mr West was still in a good mood and had called Jade "Junebug" twice more and Jade had nearly purpled in rage and was too upset with this to tease him, Robbie, at all. Jeff had sat next to him and for some reason he was wearing a too-small pirate costume and told Robbie all about how he and Jade had watched some sort of gameshow together last night called Hip Hop Squares or something and it all just made him very happy. He's been home for a few minutes when Cat calls him, and he talks to her for a few minutes longer, and she apologizes for her behavior at lunch that day.

"You don't have to apologize," says Robbie, because she doesn't.

He hears the soft click of a door closing, and he knows from having been to Cat's house multiple times this year it's the sound of her front door closing, and he can actually picture Cat, red-red and pale skin, closing that door gently and maybe going to sit out on her big screened in porch because there are dozens of dream-catchers strewn about that she and Jade have put up and he knows that she loves it out there.

"Well, I didn't mean to sound like I did," Cat says. "I'm glad that Jade likes you. I just don't want you to think I was upset … because I sounded upset."

"It's okay," he says. "We should have told you. I wanted to tell you."

"I sounded _mean_," Cat says, and he can hear the frown in her voice. "I just want you to know that it's not the_ you_ I was upset about, it's just because Jade lied. I thought you might be … well, there isn't anything wrong with you. You're fine, Robbie."

"Thanks Cat," he says, and he does actually feel better now, knowing that Cat doesn't think he's gross gross and doesn't mind that Jade sees fit to like him. He talks to her for a little bit more, and she tells him about the new dress she's making in costume design and how she wants Jade to model it but she doesn't think she will, and how she's so excited for Jade and him to meet her date.

That had been yesterday, though, and now it's Friday, bowling night, oh dear god, the night of his and Jade's very first double date, and Jade just laughs at him when he expresses nervousness and she says, "Yeah, with _Cat_ and some boy we don't care about."

Up in Robbie's room, Jade sits on his bed and rejects every shirt that he holds up for her approval for him to wear tonight. She actually attempts to throw his pink shirt out the window!

"You asked for this," Jade tells him, happily rifling through his drawers and completely wrinkling all his clothes. "You knew I would be like this, and you still wanted to date me."

"Yeah, I did," Robbie says, and he feels happy again. Jade sighs sadly at his clothes and finally allows him to put on his grey button-up. As he's putting it on (and Jade is just making a huge show of watching him! What a minx), he wonders aloud what sort of guy Thomas or Treacle or Travis is, and states that sometimes he worries about Cat's taste in men.

Jade throws her head back in laughter and shrieks, "_TREACLE!_"

"Uh," says Robbie, "or whatever his name is."

"His name is Trevor!" Jade cries, and laughs some more. "Oh god, but now I might just call him Treacle all night, and, you know, forever."

"Don't do that!" Robbie cries, realizing five seconds too late that telling Jade not to do something like a normal person is just baiting her to do it.

Cat and Trevor Thomas Treacle come by about a half hour later, and they find rather quickly that Trevor is basically Andre-lite, which means that he has dreadlocks and is very nice and a little bit funny and overall just entirely not Andre. Jade and Robbie sit in the backseat of his car while he drives and Jade squishes Robbie to the side and leans over the console to dictate the radio.

Cat turns to a station where Hootie and the Blowfish are playing an old song, and she looks happy, but Jade violently snarls, "No, no, no, no, no!" and reaches up into the front seat to frantically twist at the radio's knob.

Okay. Jade doesn't like Hootie. Note taken, he thinks, taking in the sight of Jade slumping down on the console. Treacle – oops, Travis – wait, Trevor? keeps glancing nervously at her. Cat giggles and plays with Jade's hair.

"_Only wanna be with yoo-ou,_" Cat sings. Jade moans.

At the bowling arcade, Cat looks ridiculous running around in her short pink dress and purple-and-brown bowling shoes. Jade flat out refuses to wear the sneakers, and Robbie spends a lot of time convincing the boy at the shoe check-out that his girlfriend is really OCD, you know, and if she causes any scuff marks to the floor he'll pay to have it rewaxed. The boy waves his hand at him, already bored, and then Robbie gives Jade five dollars so she can go buy herself some nachos. She pats his cheek and walks off. Treacle looks impressed by him.

Jade laughs uproariously at Robbie when he neatly sinks his fourth gutter ball.

"Jade!" Cat squeals. "Be nice to Robbie! We're on a date!"

Jade looks perplexed. "I am being nice," she says. "I haven't even mentioned that he still has corn-chips in his teeth from earlier."

"_What?_" cries Robbie, and flees to the bathroom to check. Behind him, Cat says, "Yeah, I guess that is pretty nice."

He makes small-talk with Treacle when the girls go to the bathroom together to do whatever it is that girls do in the bathroom together.

"Have you and Jade been together for long?" Treacle asks him, very politely.

"Not really," says Robbie. Officially, "Only a day."

"Oh." Treacle looks sort of puzzled. "To be honest, when Cat told me her friend coming with us was Jade West, I almost bailed."

"She is fairly terrifying," Robbie says agreeably.

Treacle nods. "I mean, I guess you heard about what she did to Kevin Vargas."

"Yes I did," says Robbie happily.

"And all for saying something about a guy she liked!"

Robbie stares. "Really?" he squeaks.

"Oh, you don't know?" Treacle says. "Well, my friend was there so he heard the whole thing, but he didn't really tell me that much. Hey, maybe it was you!"

"Maybe," says Robbie thoughtfully. "So how did you meet Cat?"

Treacle looks happy then, and starts talking, and Robbie feels bad because he already knows that this thing with them won't last. But then the girls come back and Jade's moaning loudly about how physically wearying it is to bowl, and how badly she needs a soda, oh, if only she had a good boy to buy her a soda, and Robbie laughs and then he doesn't have to feel bad anymore.

All in all, it's a fun time. Neither Jade nor Cat even do anything to get them kick out of the place! Jade does scuff the floor up a bit, but Treacle very suavely just moves a little duster rug over it. In the car on the ride home, Cat's looped up on soda and sugar and won't stop giggling at every syllable Treacle utters, and Jade slumps on Robbie, her body language saying she's tired. Robbie puts his Chapstick on.

"Your face is so stupid," Jade says, and she taps at his lips with a finger, which is rude, so he nips at it. He guesses she likes that or something, because then she grabs his jaw with her fingers and she leans in and kisses him, and it's really good, and they kiss for a few seconds until a soft but rapidly rising alarm sound interrupts and breaks them apart, and it's Cat turned around in her seat squealing at them and looking dreamy.

"Shut up!" Jade tells her, and tries to thwack her on the head, but Cat knows Jade's moves and ducks quickly. "Cut it out!"

"You guys are so cute," Cat says, looking at them all moonily. "Why didn't I see before?" Then she sighs happily. "Raid," she says. "That's what I'm calling you."

"What?" says Robbie, and Jade says, "_What?_ What are we, fucking bug spray?"

Cat just giggles some more. "No, that's your couple name! Like Beck and Ali and Beckison." She sighs again, happy. "Raid," she says again. Raid? Oh, _Rade_, thinks Robbie, happy.

"I just hate you so much," Jade says. Cat just smiles, because she knows Jade doesn't hate her at all. "Robbie," says Jade, "I don't _want _to be bug spray. Hit Cat for me. She senses my movements, I can't get a clear shot."

Robbie laughs. "I can't hit Cat!" he tells her. Cat preens, as if that's a compliment.

"Well I hate you too," Jade grouses.

He smiles. "Yeah, I know."

**Author's Note: First of all, let me repeat: _It would be strange and ridiculous for Cat to get a crush on him after all this time._ STRANGE AND RIDICULOUS!Sigh, show, you hurt me so badly, but it's okay, because I have my own little universe now that I'll just swim in.**

**I faked you guys out with Cabbie drama! There's no way that Cat would have feelings for Robbie in this story, and no way I'd introduce that so late in the game. She's just way too scarily attached to Jade. Anyway, this was a wonderfully fun chapter for me to write. Thank you all for your consolations about Skyrim, haha. If anyone wants to invite me over to their air-conditioned house today so I can write peacefully (as it's going to be 102 where I am and all I have is a window fan), that would be greatly appreciated. ;)  
**

**Enjoy!  
**


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter Fifty-Three**

The rest of the weekend goes by rather quickly in a blur of Jade and Tori and Andre, his sister's history project, being at work again which is so simple and familiar a pattern, going Jade's house again on Sunday evening and Jade shrieks that he's sweaty and to get away and then she and he and Jefferson eat organic water ice out on the cold front porch while watching Jade's stepmother try to change the oil in her car and Jade laughs a lot and Jeff talks about zombies and eventually Robbie gives in and helps Sophia. Then it's Monday morning, and dear Moses, how is it the tenth of December already? The winter talent showcase is only twelve days away, on the night of the last school day before winter break is to begin, and then Christmas is only three days after that, and Robbie and Andre need to get together and practice so much, and he really wishes he had his own guitar, and he really wishes he had more money saved up, as this is the first year he probably won't be able to get really good gifts for all of his friends.

He worries about these things at lunch to his friends.

"You can just keep on using my spare," Andre tells him, slurping at his fruit juice. From where she's sitting a few inches too close beside him, Cat stops humming 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' long enough to burble, "I still have some gumballs from last year, Robbie!"

"Nothing will ever be better than last year's present, so don't worry about it," Beck tells him, and then looks happy, thinking about it. Ali's beside him rolling her eyes in a tired way that Robbie is all too familiar with.

"But I wanted more_ jewelry,_" Jade says, teasing him (he hopes), and she gives him an amicable little shove before turning back to her sandwich. Her elbow knocks into his side a little; their very close and sort of comfortable proximity makes him feel content and a bit flushed.

T'ori looks happy. "Robbie, you gave it to her! When!"

Beck looks confused. "Jewelry? What _jewelry?_"

"Oh, you just tell Vega everything about our relationship, don't you?" Jade snits into her sandwich.

"_Hey!_ He did not tell me! I _sat_ on it!"

Jade makes a face of pure outrage. "You _sat_ on it? Shapiro, you gave me something that Tori's _ass_ rubbed on?"

"It wasn't her whole butt," Robbie is quick to tell her. "She only sort of sat on it."

"Yeah, only sort of!" Tori agrees with indignation. Jade just shoots her a very black look.

Beck looks more confused. "You gave her jewelry, Robbie? When did you do that? Was this before our Tom Hanks talk?"

Jade slowly looks up from her sandwich and stares at Beck as how Robbie imagines one would stare at a cockroach that has somehow learned to juggle – with a mixture of disgust and fascination. Actually, since it's Jade, she might very well like insects, and probably thinks cockroaches are amazing for having such tough exoskeletons, so, instead, the way he imagines she would stare at a weak and useless kitten that perhaps has learned to do a ridiculous trick, like to light matches with its tail.

"Your hair is so messed up right now," she tells Beck, going in for the kill.

"_It can't be!_" Beck cries, and flees from the table. Alison slides over into his spot on the bench and starts happily eating his french fries.

"He just bought this new hair mousse," she says in explanation, selecting a particularly crispy fry and crunching down.

Jade smirks very much.

"We don't care about presents, Geppeto," she says to him, taking another bite of her sandwich.

"Yeah, just your smiling face is enough, right Jade?" Cat says happily. "And your pretty pretty - "

"Shut up Cat shut _up_," Jade says in a rapid and warning tone. Robbie feels his ears go pink. His pretty pretty what?

Cat trills out a gleeful giggle and shakes her shoulders a little and continues sorting the M&Ms she has spread out on the table by color.

"Cat, you really should have put a paper towel down first," Robbie tells her dismally. "Do you honestly trust the janitors to properly clean that table?" Cat looks at him, then at the table, then starts to pout, so Robbie quickly amends, "But I mean, I'm sure you've probably built up an immunity to table-top lunch germs after four years, I mean, it looks like you have a very strong, healthy body - "

"_Does it?_" Jade interrupts him darkly.

"Er," he says. Andre looks very amused.

Tori scans the cafeteria. "So," she says, bright and conversational, "where is Steve today?"

Jade looks at her darkly. "It's Monday," she says. "Have you ever seen him at school on a Monday?"

Tori looks disappointed. Robbie smiles into his salad.

* * *

Guitar practice with Andre on Monday and Tuesday afternoon, then a soft and quiet Wednesday evening that he spends at Jade's after he's done a shift at work, watching the new horror films she's bought up in her room but mostly sharing a series of slow and gentle kisses, which are a bit different from her usual kind, until Jefferson bursts into the room holding two guinea pigs that they hadn't even realized were taken out of their cages. Jade screams at her brother for a long time about how he is just holding DJ way too tightly, does he want to give the pig a heart attack? and Robbie leans back against the headboard of her bed and watches them argue about the proper way to hold small animals.

Thursday is more practice with Andre, but today practice entails of mostly Andre plucking absently at his guitar strings and questioning Robbie about what he knows about Cat's latest date with Treacle, which had occurred last night, and why are you giving me that look Rob, Jade is Cat's best friend, so she must get details, and you're Jade's boyfriend, so you must get them too, and she really didn't tell you anything aside from Cat got two cheeseburgers at Goodburger?

"Jade says I'm not allowed to call myself her boyfriend," Robbie says. "Maybe if I was, I would be privy to more information. Or maybe she just thinks I don't want every single detail of Cat's dating life repeated back to me, because _I am normal._ You know, Jade says - " Then he realizes he sounds like Jefferson, and stops himself.

Andre scowls down at his guitar, plucking the sixth string very hard as if it has personally offended him and he's seeking out a vendetta. "I don't want _every_ single detail," he says, sounding incredibly pouty. "I'd just like to know that she was, yanno, miserable. Just that detail."

Robbie thinks of Trevor Thomas Treacle, with his dreadlocks that are longer than Andre's, but his jokes that aren't as funny and his nervous habits of tapping on every surface but not making a melody out of it as Andre would, and if notices those things, then surely Cat does too. He says, "Why don't you just ask her back out?"

"Who, Cat?" Andre asks, pretending to look puzzled, as if he hadn't just spent the last eight minutes grilling Robbie about the girl. "Oh, no, that's not what I meant. I mean, I don't want to _go out_ with her again."

"You don't?" Robbie asks in doubt. "You told me you still liked her before."

"Well," says Andre.

"And – I should know about this – you're acting very jealous about her new boyfriend."

"Well," says Andre.

"When she said his name at lunch today you made your milk carton explode."

"It was defective!" says Andre. He drops his guitar unceremoniously to the ground (he is so upset! Robbie thinks indignantly – Andre would never handle a musical instrument with such poor care otherwise!) and announces, "I'm hungry. Do you have any ketchup here, Rob?"

"Um," says Robbie, trailing after his friend as he walks out of Robbie's room, "yes, I think so, but what are you going to put the ketchup on? I don't really think we'd have a lot of things you'd -"

"Who cares?" says Andre angrily. "And I had dreadlocks first!"

Robbie pats Andre's arm consolingly. "We all know that," he says in what he hopes is a soothing voice, but is probably just adding to his list of mannerisms.

Andre just opens up the fridge very sadly.

* * *

Since it's been a few months now since what Robbie refers to as 'The Incident,' he's stopped meeting with Dr Parisch so much. Now he only goes to see her every third Friday, and while he thinks she's very nice and she always makes very good points when he sees her and brings up things that he hasn't thought of, he's completely fine with that.

This Friday coming up is the third week, and Jade sulks a little because he won't be able to spend it with her, but she actually doesn't complain too much, which is nice of her, because she already knows he feels bad and a little embarrassed at having to see a therapist.

"Maybe Cat will stay with me tonight while you're away to abate some of my pain," she says now, as the school day is drawing to a close and he's standing beside her at her locker. Her tone takes on a sharp and pointed edge, which alerts him to the fact that the girl has most likely came up and is standing directly behind him.

"Ah," he says, as Jade gives him a another look, this one a bit nasty, probably because he still hasn't managed to find a way to tell Cat about The Incident and his ongoing therapy yet.

Cat yanks on Robbie's bookbag strap and he pretends to be startled and she giggles, coming around him to face both of them. "Sure you can stay with me! Why, Robbie, where are you going?"

"Ah," he says again, because he is so eloquent.

"Robbie has to go to work so that he can make money to buy me nice things," Jade tells Cat, who giggles into her hands like a small child, and Robbie can't help but smile at it – at her, at them.

"Yeah," he says, then to Jade: "Gotta make the money, honey."

Jade rolls her eyes. "Stop it," she says. She turns to face Cat. "You ready?"

Jade has driven Cat to school today, since her brother's van had sat unused for a few months when he'd left to go to New York at the end of summer and now won't start, and Cat's car is acting up as well. These girls! Robbie has pointed out several times that they wouldn't have half the problems they do if they would just get their oil changed when the little sticker recommends it, but they just laugh and tease him.

"Yup yup!" Cat trills now, bouncing on her heels. "Are we still going to get frozen yogurt?"

With a heavy sigh, Jade rolls her shoulders and grumbles, "I guess so." He wonders how it has taken him over three years to see that Jade pretty much acquiesces to whatever it is that Cat wants to do. He wonders if the others notice it, too. Then she turns to Robbie and jabs at him with a finger: "See you, Shapiro. You better call me tonight!"

"I will," he says, and he looks at her hopefully. Cat looks at her hopefully, too.

Jade looks aggrieved and like she is in actual physical pain, and she balls her hands into fists at her side before taking the last two steps that would bring them very close together and then she leans up and kisses him very quickly. Cat emits a happy sound that causes dogs all over Los Angeles to go deaf.

"Fine," Jade growls. "There."

Robbie beams at her like an idiot.

"Okay," says Jade. "Bye."

"Bye," says Robbie happily, and watches the girls walk off together. Cat is still squealing, and Jade yanks on her hair rather roughly and yells "_Shut up Cat!_" and Cat just throws her head back and laughs with glee.

* * *

Robbie stays at school a bit later to help Sinjin, who's came up and found him after Jade and Cat went off, fix up the AV room. Sinjin is going to be working the lighting for the December showcase.

"It would probably be you doing it, since you're better," Sinjin tells him dourly, "but you're actually_ in it_, because you're better."

Robbie feels rather badly. It's strange, how he's known Sinjin for so long but has never really become friends with him. It's not his fault that he smells like beets. Robbie thinks they are very similar – both shy and rather nerdy, he can admit, and neither of them are ever going to get an invite to the good-hair club. It's just a bit of luck, Robbie thinks, that he had managed to run into and meet Cat on that very first day of school in English class – rather insane luck, actually, because she'd only been in the class a week before transferring out to go to the higher-level advanced placement English.

He resolves to be nicer to Sinjin. Not that he isn't nice, already, he hopes – but now he'll _try_.

He gets home around four and Jess is home, which is nice, and she has three or four or five (he can't tell – they keep popping in and out of the room) of her giggling soccer girlfriends over, with isn't so nice.

"I was hoping you'd bring Beck over," Jess tells him sadly. "I wanted Lizzie and Clarissa to see how _cute_ he is."

"Sorry, just me, he who rings the bell tower," he says, and drags his feet a little and waggles his fingers at her. Jess rolls her eyes hard in embarrassment and two of the young girls giggle wildly, probably at him.

He orders them all a pizza. They giggle some more.

Dr Parisch's office is a bit warm and he fiddles uncomfortably in his sweater while she leans back in her chair and eats candies and asks him questions and they talk about their respective days. He tells Dr Parisch in short order about how he's told Andre his secret and then Beck (Andre had been a while ago, but somehow they hadn't broached the topic of The Incident at all in their last session) so now everyone that's important knows except for one.

"And are you going to tell Cat?" Dr Parisch asks him. He's surprised and a little pleased that she remembers all of his friends' names, but then again, she probably has notes on him somewhere. She can't just be drawing a zillion cats in that notebook, can she?

Robbie says, "I want to. But it's hard, because I don't see her that much, outside of school, and she has this thing about lying, and why did I wait so long to tell her, she's going to be so mad, and she's the last one, and I- "

"Robbie, breathe," instructs Dr Parisch, so he does.

"Sorry."

"Maybe you should set a goal for yourself. Tell her this weekend. Are you going to see her at all?"

Robbie thinks about it. Cat will probably still be at Jade's when he goes over once he's done here. "Yeah, maybe tonight."

"Well, why not tell her tonight?"

"Oh – no, I mean, I don't think so, I think we'll all my at my girlfriend's - "

Dr Parisch does that thing that girls do where she looks wildly interested. "Oh, you asked Jade out, now?"

Rats. What is he thinking, calling Jade his girlfriend? And Dr Parisch still looks all crazy-interested. "Um."

"Because last time you told me that you broke up with Rea. And that was all I got. I thought we were friends at this point, Robbie - " here she sighs theatrically at him - "I'm an old married woman, I don't get any excitement like this at home."

Firstly: a small ew. Secondly, "Rainah," he says. "Not Rea. Does no one like Rainah?"

Dr Parisch furrows her brow and then he has to tell her about her meeting Jade and Strickland and how Jade just kept calling her Bloodsack and Strawberry and Reisa and Randa and how Strickland kept calling her the Cinnamon Girl, which isn't really mean but _still,_ would it kill the guy to learn someone's first name? And all he ever calls Tori and Cat and Ali is "babe" or "honey," which is gross, you'd think they'd be offended but of course they just giggle, and he just calls Robbie "man," all the time, which is what Andre calls him!

Dr Parisch laughs. "So you have a new friend, too."

Robbie frowns. Is Strickland a friend? "Yeah, I guess so," he says.

"So," says Dr Parisch. "Girlfriend. Is it Jade?"

The woman cannot be deterred!

"Yes it's Jade," he says very quickly.

His doctor looks pleased. "Go Robbie!" she says, which makes him happy. "That's what you wanted! Is it what you'd expected?"

He thinks of Jade earlier in the day, looking pissed off but kissing him in public anyway, because he'd wanted her to. "Yeah," he says. "Better, actually."

Dr Parisch looks pleased some more, but then gets her frowny face on that means she wants to talk about important stuff. Wonderful.

"You know, Robbie," she says, "relationships are important, and I'm glad that this is making you happy. But I hope that you are happy with yourself otherwise, outside of your relationship with Jade. Because if there's one thing that we'll all eventually learn, it's that we can't rely solely on other people to make us happy."

So Robbie thinks about this, too. He thinks about filling out his college applications and feeling pretty good about them; his sister's happy face after her soccer game; he thinks about his and Andre's song winning the finale shot at the showcase. He remembers back to Beck's party, when he was with Jade but not really with her, watching her not watching him back, and Cat had been beside him and so had Tori, and Cat was asking him if he was all right, and he actually had been, even though he hadn't known really if Jade truly wanted him.

"Yeah," he says. "I know that."

Dr Parisch peppers him with a few last standard questions: how is his medication working, does he feel too tired, has he been eating enough?

"Yes, I've been eating," he says. "You know, what I can eat."

Dr Parisch smiles guiltily. She's finally managed to stop asking him if he wants some of the candy she's always eating. Currently she's snacking on a giant bag of chocolate-covered coffee beans. They smell good, and he hopes he remembers them, because Jade would probably like them.

"I guess we're clear, then," Parisch says, and closes her notebook with an elaborate flourish. She smiles her kind thin-lipped smile. "I'll see you in January, Robbie."

* * *

At Jade's, Jeff opens the door to let him in, then is immediately hollered at by Sophia, who's wondering when he managed to sneak out of bed.

"I'm guarding!" Jeff squeals indignantly. "Luckily it's just Robbie so I don't have to attack him."

"Constant vigilance," says Robbie, and Jeff grins up at him.

The girls are in the den at the back of the house, where the hot dog incident had occurred, unbeknownst to the West parents; Cat has an arsenal of snacks in front of her and is happily stuffing popcorn and candy and soda into her mouth, and Jade is curled up in the corner of the couch looking rather dour with three braids in her multicolored hair – Cat's doing, he assumes.

"Robbie!" Cat cries happily around a mouthful of gummy bears.

Jade rolls over and flops down onto her back to peer up at him from the couch. "Save me," she intones.

Cat looks hurt. "Jade, you said you _wanted_ to watch the Drake Bell special!"

"I did not!" Jade snarls. "I said you could put on what you wanted."

Cat pouts and eats some more candy. Robbie sits down beside Jade and she puts her socked feet (blue and purple stripes) in his lap and lets him put a hand around her ankle. She and Cat are wearing coordinating plaid pajama bottoms, which is nice.

It's nearly nine, and by the time it is, the Drake Bell special is over and Cat clicks through the channels, pausing to look at the Discovery Channel and saying, "Oh, hey, Robbie, it's dolphins!"

"We already watched that at Beck's," Robbie reminds her, thinking of it. It had been a very emotional hour for him, watching the little dolphin recovering in captivity from a mangled dorsal fin. He'd actually gotten a little misty at the end when they'd reintroduced her to the ocean. Beside him, for some reason, Jade makes a rather unhappy noise.

Eventually Cat leaves the room for a few minutes to use the bathroom and Robbie manages to whisper to Jade that he wants to tell Cat tonight about The Incident.

Jade rolls her eyes at his terminology and also says, "Why are you whispering?"

Robbie flushes.

Now Jade furrows her dark brows at him. "You wanna tell her now?" she asks thoughtfully. "Yeah, I guess that could work. I'll just go wake up Jeff or something. Then I can do damage control if she's real upset."

Robbie goes pale. "Do you think she'll be real upset?"

Jade just shrugs! She says, "I really don't know how Cat will respond to this. Since she reacted so badly to us being together, maybe this time she'll just explode into a mess of glitter and unicorns."

"I hope not," says Robbie, upset. "I mean, not that I want her to be upset. But I don't want Cat to be a unicorn."

"Unicorns don't talk," Jade says pointedly.

"Have you ever met one? You don't know."

"It's just a horse with a horn, Shapiro," Jade says, very irritated, and he imagines that she's had many arguments with Cat on this very subject.

"Well - " he's saying but then Cat comes skipping back in and sits on the edge of the couch alongside them and then Jade's saying, "Ah, crap, I gotta check on the thingie," and then as she's standing up she also says, "Cat, Shapiro's got something he wants to say to you," efficiently trapping him because she is horrible, and then she quickly leaves the room in a fall of long dark-and-blue hair and pink plaid pajama bottoms, and that's so cute so he can't be mad. Then it's just him, him and Cat, with Cat staring expectantly at him from across the couch and he doesn't know what to say to her.

They look at each other for so long that Cat emits a sort of nervous giggle and says, "Robbie? What do you wanna say?"

"Ah," he says. "Um."

Cat gives him a concerned look. "Are you breaking up with Jade?" she demands, and then tries to look cross.

"You – what! _what?_ - no! No, I'm not breaking up with Jade!" he cries.

Cat's face smooths out. "Oh, okay," she says brightly.

Girls! They are insane! "Why would I – if I was breaking up with Jade, why would she make me tell you first? Why would – just why would I?"

"I don't know," says Cat. "Jade is always talking about breaking up."

Robbie stares at her. "W-what?"

Cat shrugs serenely at him. "Jade is paranoid," she says simply.

Oh. _Oh._ "Oh," he says, but before he's really allowed himself to think about this, Cat is asking, "So if it's not Jade, what is it?"

"Ah," he says again, peppering her with his eloquence. "Um. Okay. So. I sort of have a, um, a secret." Cat looks a little wary. "And, and, you have to wait, until I'm done talking, to get mad, if you're going to get mad."

"Okay," says Cat in a small voice, looking at him in a weird and sort of critical way which is unlike her, but it's not really like Robbie to ask her not to get mad at him either.

He feels very nervous – maybe not as nervous as he had the very first time he's told this thing, many months ago, to Jade, but certainly more nervous than when he had told Tori or Andre or Beck, and he isn't entirely sure why. Maybe because it is Cat – Cat, who really was his first friend at Hollywood Arts, yeah, even before Beck, and before Andre, and definitely before Jade. It's because it's Cat, and he has no idea how she will react to him hurting himself, or being hurt, and she is the last one he is telling, and he doesn't know how she'll react to that, either. It's Cat, and while she doesn't make him faint anymore when she walks by him in a low-cut shirt, she is still one of his best friends – his sweetest friend, and he loves her very much.

"You have to wait until I'm done to say anything," he warns her, because he just wants to get it over with, and it won't be over with if he lets her ask a million questions. Cat nods.

So Robbie goes through it all again, starting with his dad. He asks Cat if she knows what Alzheimer's is and she sort of tilts her head back and forth and makes a small motion with her hands.

"Oh," says Robbie, "oh, well, you can talk now."

"I know what it is a little bit," Cat says, so he has to tell her about that, and she looks sad, and then when he tells her that his dad has it she looks even sadder and more surprised than he'd like. Everything else comes from there, he says, and that's why he's always been sort of weird for the whole time he's known her and why he would always disappear – he was visiting his dad. Then he tells her about last year, junior year, when things started to get bad, and bottling up everything for so long, and – well, it's basically what he's told Tori and Andre and Beck, but it's more this time, because he's telling Cat.

Cat is amazingly good throughout it and she only squeaks a few times – when he finds out his mother was cheating on his father, when Anna dies, when he breaks Rex, and – oddly – not when he breaks that mirror, but when he wakes up and is in the hospital.

"So I did that and it hurt a lot and I really wasn't trying to kill myself Cat," he's still saying in a rush. "I just didn't know what was going on and it's still really weird to think about. And I'm really embarrassed about it, which is why my mom told Jade I was on that trip with Jess, and then Jade saw my scars, so I had to tell her, but I was, I was, embarrassed, and my doctor is so weird, and Tori says - "

"Can I please talk now?" Cat interrupts, begging a little.

"Yes," he says with great trepidation.

But all Cat does is ask, "Tori knows?" in a sad and small voice.

"Er," he says. "Yes."

"Who else does?"

"Uh," he says. "Well, um. Jade knows, of course. And, and Andre knows. And I told Beck last weekend."

"Oh," says Cat in that same sad and small voice. "Everyone but me." Here is where she starts to get upset, he thinks, and tries to gear himself up for it, but she just asks, "What hospital were you in?"

Oh. "Um," he says. "Townsend. In the psych wing. For like two weeks."

Cat's eyes light up with recognition. "My brother was there for a while," she says. "But for a whole month. When we were freshman."

"Oh," he says very stupidly, because he didn't know that. "I didn't know that."

Cat frowns a little absently, and waves her hand at him. "I know. I didn't tell you then."

"Well, we weren't – we weren't really close freshman year."

Cat chews on her lip and gives him a quick glance. "But we are now. I thought we were."

"I'm really sorry I didn't tell you," he tells her quickly. "I didn't – well, I didn't want to tell anyone. If Jade hadn't saw – well, she made me tell her. It's just, it's just a lot, that I hadn't told anyone, and I – you know, I didn't know how. And I'm sorry I told you last."

She just looks very sad. "Robbie, I would have understood." She gives him another small glance, and it's strange that it's small, because her eyes are so very big. "Did you know that I'm on medication too?"

"No," he lies, which isn't good at him, but she wouldn't want to know Andre has accidentally told him.

"Oh," she says. "Well – well I get really – upset – sometimes. I would have understood." She takes a big breath. "When I – well, my brother. He has a lot of problems. And he makes my parents have problems. And my mom, she used to drink a lot? And I'd get so upset. Once, near the end of eighth grade? Jade says I was really bad. And, and one day, I just started crying, and I wouldn't stop, and Jade had to _slap me_."

"She _slapped you_?" Robbie says, shocked at everything.

"Because I wouldn't stop," Cat says. "And then I stayed at her house for three days, and Sophia made me these pink pancakes that were shaped like hearts and they were really good. And then my parents took me to the doctor and they gave me these anxiety pills. And people at school were really mean to me, and Jade hates everyone, so she found Hollywood Arts and we sang a song together and then everything was different."

"You – oh," says Robbie. "I didn't know that. Any. About the pancakes. And I didn't know that you applied together."

Cat looks a little happy, probably thinking about the pancakes, or maybe their audition. "Jade played the piano and we sang 'So Far Away.' But later – me being upset didn't seem like a big deal, so I just didn't really tell anyone."

"I'm really sorry," says Robbie again. "I didn't know – that."

"It's okay," Cat tells him. "I just wish I had known … any of it. Because I would have understood. And your poor father!"

"Yeah," Robbie says, sad. "I just – I didn't want anyone to know. That I was weird. Weirder."

Cat waves her hand at him again. "But everyone's weird, Robbie."

"I know," he says.

Cat scoots over closer, and she hugs him tightly, and says, "I'm sorry about your friend that died," and it feels good.

"Me too," he says.

Cat asks him a few more questions, which he tries to answer, and he tells her about his doctor, and how the psych ward at the hospital was really uneventful and not cool at all, not like in that movie with Zach Galifinakas. And he tells her about his weird doctor who is always eating candy and drawing cats with umbrellas and how she should be in Harry Potter movies (Cat giggles, happy), and Cat hugs him a few times more and he feels so, so much better.

"Is that all?" he asks her, and Cat nods.

"I think so," she says. "I'm really glad that you told me, Robbie. Of course I'm not mad at you!"

"Do you – d'you want to see my scars, or anything?" he asks her, somewhat timidly, and is pretty surprised when Cat shakes her head quickly and says, "No, no I really – that's okay." Everyone else had wanted to.

"Okay," he says, relieved.

Cat gives him a little smile, and then shouts, "Jade, you can come back now!"

Robbie's rubbing at his ear and is surprised when Jade immediately walks in about three seconds later.

"Were you just listening outside the door this whole time?" he demands, and Jade just smiles fitfully at him.

"No," she lies happily, and squishes herself between them. "So are we all good and happy?"

"Yes," says Cat, and lays out over both of them, her head in Robbie's lap. "Can we watch the Dingo Channel now?"

Jade looks grumpy but acquiesces, and they watch two episodes of Elephant Love before Cat starts yawning a lot and gets up to go to the kitchen to get more sugar. Jade takes the opportunity to climb into Robbie's lap and kiss him a little bit.

"So you want to break up?" he asks her, and then she glowers at him, he just says, "Cat asked me."

Jade growls and doesn't respond to that, so Robbie says, not that he wants Jade to climb out of his lap, "She's been gone for a while." Jade looks annoyed and she drags herself off of his lap and pulls him up, and they head into the kitchen to round up their friend.

Cat is on the kitchen floor, leaning tiredly against the fridge and trying to eat a melting ice cream bar.

"Just put the ice cream down, Cat," Jade advises her, and Cat looks at her mistrustfully and clutches at the melting Drumstick.

"Why d'you always try and take my ice cream, Jade?" she asks fuzzily, and clutches some more. "My precious ice cream bar."

Robbie checks his watch. "It's almost midnight, you know," he says.

"Time for cats to go to sleep," Jade says firmly, and rather cutely, he thinks.

Cat pouts and tosses her ice cream to the floor. "I don't _want to_ sleep."

"Tomorrow we're going shopping," Jade reminds her wheedlingly. "You like the mall."

Cat looks happy, because she does like the mall, but she doesn't move to get up from the floor. She throws her hands out to Jade. "Carry me," she instructs.

Jade sort of growls and looks at her for a little, then goes to the counter and gets a paper towel, which she uses to wipe Cat's hands with, as if Cat is her very small and special child. Robbie watches the scene with interest. Then Jade grabs Cat's hands and pulls her to her feet, and then tugs on her arms some more and sort of slings Cat over her shoulder (Cat shrieks with laughter), and shifts the girl, looking very much like a hunter who has just snagged a small and excitable deer. Then, slightly hunched, she starts to make the slow procession to the steps and up.

"You could hold her legs," she grunts at Robbie, so he grabs Cat's feet and they carry her up the steps and into Jade's room. The guinea pigs begin to squeal excitedly when they drop Cat onto the bed, and Jade throws her worn ugly Care Bear at Cat's head. Cat snuggles down and looks happy, and immediately goes to sleep.

"Ugh," says Jade dismally. "We should have left her on the floor. She kicks in her sleep."

"You're very strong," Robbie tells her.

Jade just looks more annoyed. "Cat, is like, ninety pounds," she says, and adds thoughtfully, "That bitch."

Robbie smiles. "I guess I should go home, then, huh?"

"I guess so," says Jade. They creep out of her bedroom and go back down the steps. Robbie steps on some of Jeff's legos on the way down, and he yelps and Jade laughs at him.

"So this was good, right?" Jade asks him, and he doesn't really know what she means – telling Cat, or spending time with both girls, or Elephant Love, or their combined effort to carry Cat up the steps. But, really, all of it was good, so he says, "Yeah."

Jade looks pleased, which is a good look on her. "Want to hang out tomorrow?" she asks.

"Aren't you going to the mall?" he says.

"If I have to go I think it's only fair that you do, too," she says back, looking rather dour now.

"Okay," he says easily and happily.

So Jade walks him to the door, and she kisses him goodnight, which is really good, too, and she tastes like a gummy bear once more. Then she shoves him out the door, tells him not to crash, and he drives home feeling much lighter than he had before.

**Author's Note: Wow, my muse was totally absent this weekend. I started and restarted this chapter several times, then I realized I still needed to get the telling-Cat thing out of the way, and I am so tedious, why didn't I just have him do it once in an overwhelming group scene. Anyway, thank god this is over with. I already have part of the next chapter written and it's going to be fluffy Christmas shopping Rade style and performing at the showcase.**

**And now I present to you, once again, the longest chapter ever. Sorry for the abundance of really-long-sentences, I think I was trying to be creative. Also, apologies for any misspellings, as I only read through this once. My spellcheck tried to change "Geppeto" to "Poppet" - who am I, Spike from BtVS? Urgh.  
**


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter Fifty-Four**

That next day they're all meeting up at the mall to go Christmas shopping, because the girls want to and of course Robbie wants to be with Jade, Beck wants to be with Alison, Andre pretends he doesn't want to be with Cat but he totally does, and Steve Strickland has nothing better to do so Jade invites him, and then Tori's coming too because Robbie told her that Steve was going to be there and that's their whole big group.

"Hi Jade," Robbie says happily, coming up to the table they've claimed at the food court, Cat on one side of her and Ali on the other, and Steve Strickland and Beck are standing and talking to each other, probably about the good-hair club they both belong to. Robbie imagines it to be an elite society with a lot of covert funding.

"Hey," she says back, and she smiles her secret little smile right at him, absently brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Robbie looks at her – her long hair pulled back in a big clip that girls wear, and she's wearing those plaid pants that he thinks are the best thing ever and her favorite blouse that is black and has lace on the sleeves, the necklace he's bought her glimmering around her pale neck, and thinks: _god._

But of course his little moment of unadulterated happiness is interrupted by his idiot friends.

Beck lids his eyes heavily and gazes at Strickland with a particularly eccentric and dreamy expression, and intones waveringly, "_Hi Jade._"

Strickland smirks a little. He twirls a lock of his dirty-blonde hair around his fingers before tucking it bashfully behind his own ear, and he makes cow eyes back at Beck. "_Hey,_" he breathes out moonily. Then Beck grabs his shoulders and they pretend to make out for a few seconds before they break into giggles and have to let go out each other.

Robbie gasps. "We do not sound like that!"

Cat's giggling uproariously and Jade leans over to punch Beck in the back.

"Jade!" he cries, clutching at it. "That's my kidney!"

Strickland just laughs, and when Jade moves to get up from her seat he quickly sidesteps her and goes to stand behind Robbie, cowering a bit, which is ridiculous because he's still much taller by at least four or five inches, and taps his fingertips against Robbie's shoulders.

"You wouldn't hurt your own boyfriend, would you?" he asks sweetly, and yelps and ducks a little as Jade swipes at them.

"I will go through him if I have to," Jade growls, and Robbie's just pleased that she hasn't seen fit to loudly deny the fact that he is indeed her boyfriend.

"No you won't," Strickland says happily, and just keeps clinging to Robbie.

Then Tori and Andre are walking up together and Andre is staring at him and Strickland with a very furrowed brow and odd look on his face so Robbie slips out of Strickland's sort of weird embracing grasp, as he doesn't want to give Andre any further ideas about his orientation. As if he could pull in a guy like Strickland anyhow!

Dear lord, now he's even thinking in these ridiculous hypotheticals!

Everyone splits up for a little while, because for some ungodly reason Cat and Jade want to go to Build-A-Bra so Robbie and Andre go with them and Tori squeaks that that store is so _trashy_ and also overpriced, and she and Beck and Ali and Strickland go off to look for CDs. Beck shoots Andre and Robbie some jealous "you sly dog" looks over his shoulder as they're walking away and that makes Robbie feel very nervous.

Inside Build-A-Bra Cat and Jade use one of the crane machines to see just how heavily they can pad a bra for Cat (he now knows that Cat is a 32B and he honestly could have gone without knowing that for, well, forever) and discuss the merits of plaid boyshorts versus stripes. What are they talking about, boy shorts? Why would they be in a girl's underwear store? Girls are so weird.

Andre and Robbie exchange horrified glances multiple times and Robbie keeps going back and forth between being utterly delighted and sort of wishing he were dead. The sales girl keeps looking at the boys warily whenever they stray too far from Jade and Cat so they're forced to remain tightly grouped with the girls, and Andre has to hold Cat's haphazardly-created bra and keeps looking at it all – like, _thoughtfully,_ so Jade finally snatches it away from him, and then asks Robbie how he feels about leather and she also throws a pair of emerald-colored underwear in his face and he almost passes out right there.

Also, Cat says the word "_thong_" no less than three times. _Three times!_ In the presence of her gentleman friends! Has she no decorum?

Oh, the world he lives in.

Eventually the girls finish their shopping and Robbie and Andre run outside of the store to lean heavily on the pillars while the girls purchase their _unmentionables_ and dear lord he doesn't need to _see_ what Jade is buying and oh god now he's thinking about her in her underwear and he wonders if she bought the green pair and stop!

He guesses Andre feels the same way about Cat, because he also looks rather stricken. "Man," he says, "Why did we want to come to the mall?"

"I don't know," says Robbie hollowly.

"There was so much pink in there," Andre says, still stricken.

"I know," says Robbie, still hollow.

"And did you see the old woman in the plus-sized section? She was holding up a bustier, man. She was - "

"I implore of you to please stop," Robbie is begging when the girls walk out of the store, holding fancy-looking bags tied with bows and Jade is giggling! Jade is giggling at something Cat is saying!

Andre and Robbie stare at them.

The girls stare back and then Jade scowls. "What are you looking at, Harris?"

"You – uh – Robbie's staring too!" Andre tries.

"Oh, I've been staring at Jade for a year," Robbie just says.

Jade sort of arches her brow at him but before she can say anything Cat spies Tori and the others walking towards them and starts trilling out her siren-squeal to alert them, as well as the rest of the Californian wildlife that operates at a much higher decibel, to where they are.

"We went into that As Seen on TV store," Tori, who is holding a giant box of somethingness, says, looking rather elated. She shakes the box at them. "I bought this cake mold thing! I can fill the cake up with anything! Jello! Chocolate! It's for my mom!"

"How quaint," says Jade, not as coldly as she could have, and then just like that, she's slid a few inches closer to Robbie and she slips her free hand into his and aligns their fingers. It, he thinks, maybe actually be the first time they've held hands. Robbie beams unbridledly at the whole world and Jade just glares all around at every and anything, daring their friends to make any sort of comment on it.

Aside from the smallest siren-squeal from Cat, they don't.

"So you didn't go to the record store yet?" Cat asks now, tap-dancing around Ali, who laughs and keeps spinning to face her.

"Nope," says Strickland. Just him saying "Nope" makes Tori gaze at him with those hearts in her eyes.

So their rather large group pushes on through the crowded mall and makes their way to Tunes – Robbie guesses now that Strickland is a part of it now, their group, which is nice, and now they're a pack of eight, and if he points this out to Jade he thinks that somehow she'll manage to turn it into a Stephen King reference because that's what she does – by the way, she - that is, Jade, Jade West - is currently still holding his hand as they walk, and it's a very wonderful thing.

Once they hit the music store, (Robbie wonders when actual records have made such a comeback) everyone sort of splits up, because Cat and Tori like pop music and Beck and Andre go off to look at eighties rock – in a word, _why?_ - and Strickland listens to only bands that went defunct in the nineties and Jade and Ali and Robbie like a bit of everything.

Several aisles over, Robbie hears the sounds of Tori and Cat giggling, and Jade glances up at them for a minute but doesn't _absolutely_ scowl in jealousy, and she, still linked with Robbie, pulls him down a few aisles of the rock section. Eventually she lets go to riffle through some albums, and he watches Ali excitedly grab at a CD case before quickly dropping it.

She catches Robbie's gaze, staring over at her, and mutters, "I thought Ryan Adams had a new album, but – it's, well, it's just _Bryan_."

"Oh," says Robbie, pretending he knows who either of those people are. Brothers, probably. "I hate when I do that."

"Look, babe, they have the Creedence album you want," Jade says absently, not looking up from the records she's piling through and waving one over her shoulder.

Robbie positively beams, and he goes over to her, grinning like a madman, probably.

He's her _babe._

Babe!

Jade looks up, sees his happy face, and seems to realize her mistake. She tries to look dour, but it doesn't exactly work, which makes him happy. "Don't get all, like, _gay,_ okay?" she grumbles.

"Okay," he says happily, taking the record from her fingers and looking at it. Across the store, Beck is yelping over at Steve about he can't believe that Steve doesn't like Guns n Roses. Steve just looks back at Beck impassively as if he's realizing what a lost cause he is.

The record store manager gazes out from behind his desk at Robbie's loud group of friends with a rather wary and scrutinizing eye.

Robbie has never been happier for his bad posture. He leans over Jade and puts his chin on her shoulder while she goes through her CDs and she lets him stay there, so he stays there and makes soft commentary on the music she's looking at.

"If I had a band I'd definitely call it The Flaming Lips," he says. "Don't you think that would be a good name for my band?"

"You're so stupid," Jade says, trying not to smile as she puts their CD down. "It's already a band."

"Well, I would buy the rights to it."

"Oh yeah?" says Jade. "And how are you going to magically come up with all of this money to buy out The Flaming Lips?"

Robbie thinks about it as he slowly and carefully puts an arm around her waist, and she lets him do that too, and oh he loves Christmastime. "I guess I'd have to do something really good, huh? Like cure cancer."

"Lupus," suggests Jade, wrinkling her nose up at a Grateful Dead CD and just skipping that entire row.

"D'you think I'd get money for stopping the zombie apocalypse?"

"Probably," says Jade, tilting her head to the side to look at him. Then she makes her eyes widen and intones solemnly: "But you can't stop it."

He laughs.

Then there's a crash as Tori accidentally knocks over the giant cardboard display of Ginger Fox and several dozen of her new albums are cascading to the ground, Cat's laughing and trying to take pictures of it happening and of Tori's horrified face. Beck is yelling, "Tori, what did you do?" and Andre and Strickland are laughing too. Robbie, Jade, and Ali just stare, because they are the only ones who are normal.

"You kids better pick those up!" exclaims the store owner, standing up from behind his desk. He mutters something bitter about the disintegration of society that Robbie can't quite make out and then jabs his fingers at Jade and Robbie. "And you two – stop _touching_ like that in my store!"

Robbie gulps and removes his hands from Jade's waist. Jade glowers at the manager, but somehow he appears impervious to her gaze.

Andre is stumbling over Beck to help Tori pick up the fallen CDs and Beck is still squawking at them, clearly enjoying Tori's misery. The store owner now turns to Ali and intones loudly, "Are you going to buy that or just try and listen to it with your eyes?"

Ali squeaks sadly and goes up to the counter with her Ryan (or had it been Bryan she wanted? Robbie needs to start paying better attention to his friends) Adams CD.

Tori nearly finishes righting the Ginger Fox display and Ali's just paid for her CD and is turning around to head back to Beck and Robbie is being very good and is not touching Jade at all. Andre tries to help Tori set the huge cardboard cutout of Ginger down properly and even though it looks like they do nothing wrong since it's Tori they completely tear the cutout in half.

Everyone watches with interest as the store manager's face slowly turns the dull brick red color of absolute fury – well, everyone aside from Tori, who just looks at the ground while holding the top half of Ginger in the resigned misery of being Tori.

"_OUT!_" roars the manager, pointing wildly and fitfully at the door. "Out, out, out! All of you!"

"I'm so sorry, Mr - " Tori takes pause to lean in and peer at his name tag - "uhh – Bob! Bob? Mr Bob! I'm really really sorry and please don't kick my friends out because this is the only music store in the mall - "

"Little girl, I can get you banned from_ the whole mall!_" Mr Bob roars.

Tori tries to yelp something else out but Andre and Strickland step over quickly and clap their hands down firm on her shoulders and start marching her backwards out of the store. Tori apparently short-circuits and can no longer form words since Strickland's deemed to touch her shoulder and she goes silent and leaves compliantly.

Robbie wonders if Strickland is aware of the power he wields.

The rest of them follow suit, and Jade has to grab Cat, who is still laughing and trying to take pictures of the Ginger Fox carnage, by the end of her ponytail to pull her out of the store.

"Hair! Hair! Hair!" Cat's yelping and flailing her arms at Jade and, beside Robbie. Ali just looks weirdly content about all of this and says, "At least I bought my CD."

Tori just looks very unhappy, especially now that Strickland's let go of her shoulder.

Andre is laughing. "Bob!" he says. "Bob? Mr Bob!" He laughs some more.

Beck starts laughing too, and then Strickland does, and they're all chuckling at Tori and saying "Bob! Bob?" as she smiles grudgingly and Cat is clicking through her phone squealing about Tori's face in this picture, she can't wait to put it up on the Slap, and Tori gasps and says _no don't_ and Jade laughs and says _yes do _and Robbie's taken Jade's hand once they've left the store and she allows that and he just feels really good now, looking at all his friends and laughing, and he's a little surprised when Jade leans up and kisses him right in front of everybody.

He looks down at her, grinning, still laughing a little and very pleased and wondering what he's done to get such a public kiss, and when he does this she just stands on her toes once more and kisses him again, and then when she's seen fit to be done she leans on him so he puts his arm around her and they look around to see all of their friends staring at them and smiling.

"I need frozen yogurt!" Jade crabs out, and she grabs at Cat's arm and stomps off.

* * *

Ultimately they do get frozen yogurt, and they all try to go into a few more stores but by now it's mid-afternoon and the December holiday shopping mobs are getting pretty thick. Cat starts to look overwhelmed and Ali nearly get mowed down by a quick-moving overzealous family who apparently _really_ want to get to the Disney Store, so they unanimously decide to call it a day after that.

Everyone sort of splits up at the mall's exit gates. Cat offers to drive Andre home (Robbie guesses Cat's car is working again; it's like a trade off every other week with her and Jade) and Tori, who's finally gotten her car and is still a little nervous driving by herself, looks upset and cries, "Don't take him from me!" but Cat does anyway.

"I guess I'll just go home with you," Jade says to Robbie, still being sort of stiff because all of their friends are around, and Cat looks happy to be left alone with Andre.

Beck and Ali go, and Strickland walks Tori to her car. Jade looks after them and snorts and shakes her head a little.

"You know, I really had hope for him," she says, sounding rather mournful, and Robbie can't help but laugh a little. Jade bumps him with her hip and then walks around to the passenger side of his car and waits pointedly for him to unlock it for her.

He does so. "Do you think they like each other?" he asks once they're settling in (and he only has to give Jade a pointed look of his own for approximately two seconds before she clicks her seatbelt on).

Jade makes a low sound of horror in her throat. "God, I don't _know._ I don't want to talk about that."

Robbie 'hms' and starts backing his car out of its parking space and turns back onto the road. "I think it's very sweet," he says.

"You would," says Jade, and rolls her eyes exaggeratedly. She shouldn't be making him smile so much.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you are also made of glitter and unicorns."

"I am not!" he says indignantly. Geez, the rash he would have if he was made of glitter! He doesn't even want to think about. He supposes that this is how Jade feels about the topic of the pairing of Tori and Steve, and he tells her so.

"Yep," says Jade, and looks happy, probably at the thought of Robbie having a huge glitter-induced rash.

"What d'you think their couple name would be?" he wheedles anyway, and Jade groans. He brightens: "Oh – Jade, they could be Stori! Ahahaha. Isn't that cute?"

"You're terrible at this," Jade tells him.

"But you think I'm cute, right?"

Jade just puts her sunglasses on and turns up the radio. After a while she starts singing along, and Robbie listens to that and he thinks about how pretty she is and that he's very lucky, even if his girlfriend thinks she can use her sunglasses as a shield against him.

**Author's Note: Another short one because if I wrote what I wanted to it will be too long, but here is the aforementioned fluff. :) I think I'll have Robbie take Jade to a horror convention for Christmas. **


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter Fifty-Five**

Wednesday after school Robbie's by the stage in the upperclassman auditorium watching some juniors break down their sound equipment. Everyone's rehearsing for the Showcase. Ali's here somewhere, and he can hear the lilting sound of her bassoon coming softly from backstage.

He'd lugged her huge carrying case down from the Junior orchestra earlier. She'd been very grateful, as she'd been holding her violin and about two pounds of sheet notes and her bookbag and what was left of her lunch.

"Thanks so much Robbie," she'd squeaked as he pretended not to struggle with the case. The bassoon was a fairly giant woodwind instrument, and it didn't weigh that much, but broke down into a bunch of smaller sections and the case Ali has it in was nearly as big as one of Andre's guitar cases.

"We saw you and Jade earlier," Ali'd said. Robbie could only assume that the 'we' meant 'Ali and Beck,' as there was no other 'we' she would use. Her and Sikowitz? Not likely. "Outside of Jade's play class."

"Oh yeah?" Robbie had mumbled, not really wanting to talk about it. Jade was still sort of weird with her affections at school and that makes him feel bad. When some of her girl friends from Play Production had came up to where she and Robbie were talking outside of the classroom, she'd dropped his hand without a thought. He'd stood there a little awkwardly for a few minutes while the girls had chatted with each other and Jade hadn't really looked at him until he'd finally cleared his throat and said he was going to his locker. She'd sort of eyed him for a moment and then just said, "Okay." He'd stared at her for a moment before he'd given up and walked off slowly.

Ali squeaked a little and adjusted the papers she was carrying. "Beck got all uppity. He thinks she's being rude."

"Ah," Robbie had said. "I don't mind," even though, well, yeah, he did, a bit.

Ali'd just shrugged. "Well, I think she should get over it."

"Get over what?" he'd asked.

"Whatever it is that she's so nervous about," is all Ali'd said, and then she squeaked out again triumphantly as they reach the auditorium. He carried her bassoon up onto the stage for her and watched as she had set the instrument up. Fully put together, the bassoon was a little over four feet long, and Ali, who was actually shorter than Cat and didn't quite reach the five foot mark (she was actually not allowed on roller coasters!), looked overwhelmingly small and also severe standing with it.

"Well I'll just let you practice," Robbie had said, not wanting to talk about the fact that he is apparently a huge embarrassment to the girl who is supposed to be dating him. She can kiss him at the mall but can't even hold his hand at school?

Ali's face seems to reflect his thoughts. "Okay," she says doubtfully, settling into her chair. "It'll be all right, Robbie."

So that was that. Now he's standing by the stage, waiting for the last group of kids to take down their equipment so he and Andre can set up, and Cat's already here to watch him and Andre (but mostly Andre) rehearse like a good not-girlfriend and she'd already rambled on at him for five minutes before going and settling down in a row of chairs across the room from him. The time is a quarter past three; school's been out for over an hour and surely Jade's gone home by now but he can't help hoping and scanning the auditorium for her.

It just, it would be nice if she was here to watch him practice. It would be nice if she did things like that.

There's a scuffling from the stage, and Robbie turns and he helps one of the juniors walk his amp down the little side-steps. There's a loud squeak of Ali's bassoon from backstage, and he hears her curse loudly. She's probably split another reed – he thinks that's what she had called it – or something. Once he gets the amp down the junior thanks him and starts carting it off and then Robbie turns back around to find Jade, who is just standing silently about a foot away from him.

"Ahh!" he cries, startled, and she turns her lips up at him in some approximation of a smirk at him.

"Hi," she says, crossing her arms.

"Hi?" he says, and he wonders why he can never not smile at her, even when she is making him a little bit sad. "I thought you went home already."

Jade looks aggrieved. "No, I was talking to … Sikowitz." Robbie would look aggrieved too, he thinks. "I came to see you rehearse."

"Really?"

"Yes," says Jade shortly. "I - " she stops. She uncrosses her arms, hooks her fingers through her belt-loops and shifts her weight from one foot to the other, uncomfortable. Finally, she says, "I'm sorry for earlier."

"Oh," says Robbie. "Um. It's okay."

"It's not okay," says Jade.

"I mean, I get it, I'm sort of embarrassing - "

"You aren't embarrassing," Jade says, cutting him off, sounding cross. "Look, I – I'm shitty, and it was just a – like, a reaction, you're different, I don't know_ how_ to - I shouldn't have done it, I won't do it again."

She did all this stuff with Beck, he thinks. Held his hand and wouldn't let go of it. They were always on each other, he thinks.

But Beck was a long time ago. And that had ended so well, he remembers.

So: "Okay," he says.

Jade then reaches out and taps at his wrist imperiously, and he looks at her, a little bewildered. "That means you should hold my hand," Jade informs him.

"Oh," says Robbie, and smiles. He holds her hand.

"Now give me a kiss," Jade says, so he leans over and does so, carefully.

There's a crash from the stage as Sinjin knocks over some lighting fixtures in shock. Jade looks happy.

"West!" Andre is calling out from the opposite side of the stage now. "Can you leave Robbie alone for _two seconds?_ Damn! Robbie, get up here!"

Robbie smiles and Jade shoots Andre a dark look before letting her hand slip from Robbie's, and she goes over to sit with Cat. Robbie goes up onto the stage to help Andre start plugging in their amps, and Cat and Jade eat chocolate pretzels and laugh at Andre yelling and Andre makes them play their song _eleven times_.

Afterwards Cat and Jade come up and help take apart the boys' stuff and Robbie looks sadly at Andre's guitar which isn't his and they all stand around for a few minutes, Cat talking animatedly to Andre as Jade leans on Robbie, and then Cat's offering to drive Andre back to his house, and Robbie gets to take Jade home with him.

Jade holds his hand on their way out of the school and complains to him about the part in Sikowitz's new play that she wants but he's probably going to give to Tori as usual. As they're leaving the school they pass the man himself's room and Sikowitz chokes on his coconut milk when he sees them. It makes Robbie happy.

"What were you talking to him about for so long?" Robbie asks. "The play?"

Jade looks very grumpy. "Fine I was really talking to Beck," she says, in a rush of irritability.

"Oh," says Robbie, surprised. "What did he - ?"

"Nothing," snaps Jade, still looking excessively annoyed. "He's stupid. He thinks I don't – well, he doesn't know anything."

"Oh," he says again, feeling depressed for no reason.

He wants to know what Jade and Beck were talking about, but it can be very hard to get an answer out of her, especially since he sometimes treads so lightly around her, as he has learned to do.

He thinks, for some reason, of his sister sitting in his car, laughing and saying, _Oh, a lover's quarrel._ Is that what she and Beck were having? But they aren't that, not anymore. Beck will tell him what they've spoken of, if he asks him, and he doesn't think that he would – well, Beck wouldn't want to get _back with_ her or anything at this point, would he, and Beck is happy for him, right?

It's just that Beck is so much better compared to him.

He's got that list, the one that Jade has written him, of why she likes him, and they went out on that double date with Cat. On Monday night Robbie had taken Jade to a new restaurant, just the two of them, and she's laughed at him and he'd pulled out her chair and held the door and let her get two desserts and she was happy, and they kiss and it's so good, but he doesn't know – well, the little knot that's always in his stomach when he's around Jade, that little electricity generator, he can't picture anyone ever having something like that in their stomach for him.

Jade doesn't seem to notice that he's fallen fairly silent, and she chatters on at him as they reach his car and messes with his stereo and makes fun of Tori until they get to his house.

When they get inside she tosses her bookbag down onto the floor and sprawls out on his couch. "So," she says. "All alone. D'you want to have sex with me here, or be really daring and go and do it on your mother's bed or something?"

Robbie, flustered, drops his mouth open and stares at her in a combination of lust and horror, but mostly horror. "You – you – I – um. What?"

Jade just stares at him expectantly.

"Ah," he says, turning redder, and then Jade puts her face in her hands and cracks up at him.

"Sorry, I can't - " she says, and laughs some more. He sits down next to her and stares, shocked, trying to regulate his breathing.

"Oh god," says Jade, wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry – god - " she laughs some more - "I just wanted to see what you'd say."

"Did you _think_ I'd say?" he squeaks.

"I figured some variation of 'you – I – um - what?'" she says, and snorts again, dropping her head against the arm of the couch and laughing up at the ceiling again.

"Oh," says Robbie in misery, and doesn't say anything else.

Jade sits up now to look at him. "It was just a joke, Robbie," she says.

He doesn't look at her. "Yeah, I'm sure it was."

"What are you – what's your problem?"

"Nothing's my problem," he says sadly. "I just – I don't know what you want."

Jade frowns at him, twisting her body so that now she's sitting beside him. "I was just kidding," she says in a softer voice that only he and maybe Cat ever really get to hear. "We've only been dating for, like, five minutes, of course I don't want to sleep with you yet. I mean, well - _you know_. But we aren't _going to._"

"But I _don't_ know," says Robbie. "I'm just – I'm such a dork." He adds miserably: "I'm a dork _virgin_."

Jade laughs at him again! She moves over once more, straddling him, so she's sitting on his lap and looking at him. She has a strange way of doing this so that it's oddly intimate and not entirely sexual, and she moves her arms to wrap her hands around behind his neck.

"Yes, I know that," she says, smirking at him. "Do you ever think that's why I like you?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure it is," he mumbles, not wanting to meet her gaze, but since she's on top of him, that means he's looking directly at her boobs, which isn't polite, so he reluctantly pulls his head up to look into her face.

Jade frowns. "Well, I don't know what you want either."

"I just want to be with you," he says, letting one hand come up to rest on the small of her back, so that she can lean back without fear of falling.

"So what's the problem?"

"There's no problem," he says. "Just – just you and Beck -"

Jade makes a horrible face at the mention of his name. "Ew, _please_ don't speak of him when I'm on your lap. Are you_ jealous_ or something?"

"No," he says, even though he is, a little, but he knows there isn't any reason to be. Jade wouldn't have gone through all the pains and efforts of kissing him, ignoring him, kissing him again, and then telling all of their friends if she wanted to get back with Beck. "No, it's not that. It's just – I just wish – it seems like – Jade, I don't know, how to, like, how to be with someone, and I wish you'd – like, you'd talk to me more, I mean, if you want to talk to Beck about whatever, I don't care, I just - "

"I don't _want _to talk to Beck," says Jade, making that face still. "I'm not good at – look, Robbie, I'm not … you act like you're such a loser, but it's not like I'm so great. I was just – Beck was just, like, yelling at me, because he saw me ignoring you, and I know it was shitty, and I'm probably_ going_ to be shitty, like, a lot, I don't – I don't mean to be, it's not like I want to go and tell you every time Beck or Tori yells at me because I don't know how to be a good girlfriend - "

"You – _Tori?_" he asks, utterly confused.

Jade makes another awful face, this one he knows, this one her "God I Really Hate Tori Vega" face. "Tori told me," she says, "about how she saw us kissing. And she gave me shit about not telling anyone about you. That's when you saw us that day."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Typical Tori, meddling in his life when he begs her not to. He waits to get yelled at, but Jade doesn't yell, instead pausing to look thoughtful.

"It's okay," she says. "She had a good point anyway – even though I hate her. And it's, it's basically the same thing that Beck gave me shit for today, but they're, like, _wrong_."

"What do you mean?"

Jade chews on her lip. "They both think – like, they think I'm _embarrassed_ of you or something. I swear I'm not. I mean, okay, it's like, oh god, great, he's wearing that pink shirt again, good - " Robbie smiles involuntarily, and she grimaces back at him - "but I can deal with that, I'm not – I already_ know_ how you are." She's quiet for a moment, then says, "It's just_ me._"

Again, he doesn't really know what she means, so he stays quiet, holding her up, and waits, hoping she'll speak again. Finally, she does: "Like, I don't – I don't know how to be a good, like, girlfriend, I don't know – I don't know what's okay, if you want me to, like - I don't know what you want."

"I just want you," he says, because it's the truth. "So, I mean, it's whatever you want."

Jade gives him that little smile that is just for him. "Okay," she says. Then: "So you _don't_ want to have sex on your mother's bed, is what you're basically getting at?"

"Jade!" he cries, flustered, flapping his free arm at her. "You don't – you can't even _say that_ – d'you know my mother, oh my god, she probably heard that _at work_ somehow - "

Jade just laughs happily at him. "That's the reaction I wanted," she says.

"You know what your problem is," Robbie huffs, "is that you are just basically not a very nice person. You're just a very, very - " but then Jade kisses him to shut him up, just like he'd wanted her to do.

After that she makes him take her to Cat's house and they give him the guitar they've bought him for Christmas.

Jade won't tell him why she wants to go to Cat's house, or why Cat grins like an idiot as she lets them in and then dances off to the next room, her three rowdy dogs yapping and whirling around her feet.

"Stay here," Jade says, grinning at him in a way that scares him very much. "Cat and I have a surprise for you."

"You – a what? What is it?" He's had a dream that starts this way, but it surely can't be that. Dear God, if Jade ever found out about that one, she'd kill him, and Cat would – well, it doesn't matter what Cat would do, because Jade would just kill him.

"Just shut up," Jade says, shoving him into one of the kitchen chairs, and she leaves the room in the same direction that Cat's went.

Cat peeps out of the hallway, giggling at him, and Robbie's still very scared, and then Jade comes out holding an electric-blue guitar.

"Happy Hanukah!" Cat shouts, throwing her arms out.

"Oh my god!" yelps Robbie, and he holds the guitar reverently when Jade walks out and hands it to him. "Is this for me?"

"No, it's for Sikowitz," Jade says, rolling her eyes hard at him.

Cat giggles some more. "Of course it's for you!" she exclaims.

"You can't play the showcase with Andre's shitty spare from like 1982," Jade tells him. "And we've never really gotten you a good present before, so this is from both of us – but mostly me."

"I wanted to get you a ukelele," Cat says. "This guitar cost - "

"He doesn't need to know how much it costs!" Jade grits out, and thwacks the smaller girl, who squeaks and pouts.

"Wow," says Robbie, looking down at the guitar lovingly, feeling the frets.

"Do you like it?" Cat presses.

"I love it," Robbie says. "You guys - !"

"Tell me I'm the best girlfriend ever," says Jade.

"You're the best girlfriend ever!"

Cat squeaks. "Tell me I'm the best friend ever!"

Robbie laughs. "Cat, you're the best friend ever. Jade! Oh my god!"

The girls laugh at him as he stands up and cradles the guitar like it's his first born child. "Wow," he says again, and Cat and Jade just laugh at him some more, looking pleased.

"You never get anything for yourself, Robbie," Cat says. "And you always think about us."

"Cat," he says seriously, "I will buy you so much candy. I will find those Crispy M&Ms you like. I will buy you a whole store of them. Jade, I will buy you the Elephant Man's _skull._"

Cat is just laughing and twirling around her kitchen, and Jade leans on the counter and smirks, "Don't make promises you can't keep, Shapiro."

"You are the _best girlfriend,_" he says.

* * *

So the rest of the week passes, and Robbie can't actually buy Jade Joseph Merrick's skull (or is it John Merrick? He can't remember which name Jade had said it actually was), but he keeps getting emails from Dead & Buried, which is this company that Jade has made him buy old horror movies from a few times last year, and they're the reason why he was even able to find tickets to take Jade to see the second The Scissoring over the summer – anyway, he keeps getting emails from them warning him that there is only a few days left to secure his tickets for the Horror Convention in Pasadena, and he thinks Jade might like that. He looks through the website's photos and he sees a lot of different stages and some guy dressed like Freddy Kruger and apparently the cast of The Scissoring movie is going to be there, and he thinks Jade might _really_ like that.

So he buys two tickets for that, and he and Andre drive everywhere in Hollywood until he finds those stupid M&Ms that Cat likes. Candy and horror movies. His friends are so weird. At school, he shows his new guitar to Andre and to Beck and Steve Strickland, who express various degrees of shock, amazement, and jealousy.

"Jade never bought me a guitar," Beck says, just looking wondering and not even jealous. "She bought me a fish once. But she killed six of them, so it doesn't really make up for it."

Where she's standing beside Robbie outside of their six-period class, Jade looks annoyed. "Get over it," she tells Beck. "How was I supposed to know that turning off that stupid light in the tank was bad?"

Beck looks outraged. "Oh, maybe because it was _always on,_" he snits, and then glares at her. "And why are you wearing that! That's my sweatshirt!"

Jade twirls a loose string that's coming off of the grey hoodie around her finger. "Didn't you give it to Robbie after the first night you two consumed your love?" she asks him. "Well, he gave it to me after the first night we consummated our love."

Robbie's mouth drops open and Beck sputters. "He would not!" Beck squeaks out, clapping his hand down on Robbie's shoulder and looking oddly and disturbingly protective. "You - ! Without telling me! No! I don't want to know!"

Jade just smiles evilly. "Well, I guess you'll never know then," she says sweetly.

Beck looks pained. "Robbie!" he says. "Make her stop being horrible."

"I can't control Jade," says Robbie, and Jade smiles some more. When the bell rings and Beck runs off Jade grabs onto Robbie's belt to hold him back, so instead of trying to fight her he just leans her back up against the lockers and kisses her for a few minutes, and she makes happy noises and pulls at his shirt until they hear a loud disapproving noise and it's Mrs. Varley standing at the classroom door about to shut it and looking at them rather darkly. Jade smiles brilliantly as they quickly walk past her into the class and the rest of the students stare at them in wild interest.

"Please fix your shirt collar, Mr. Shapiro," says Mrs Varley very briskly, moving to turn on her overhead projector.

"Sorry," he squeaks, and does so. He hears one or two of his classmates giggle, and is surprised to find that he doesn't really care – who was it that was just outside in the hallway, kissing the prettiest girl in the whole state of California and probably beyond? Oh, right, him – Robbie Shapiro, the king of dorks and virgins. He casts a sidelong look over at Jade, who's smiling absently and drawing in her notebook instead of taking notes, and that makes him smile, and also he sees that he's kissed off all of her mango-flavored lip gloss, and that makes him smile too.

* * *

Two days later is the talent showcase and Robbie's nervous all day even though he tries not to show it.

"Of course I'm fine!" he yelps out at lunch, when Cat's questioning him as he accidentally throws a whole sandwich over his shoulder. "Why wouldn't I be completely fine?"

"Are you nervous, baby?" Jade asks, rubbing his shoulder, which is very nice, but then she smirks and says, "I'm sure you won't be half as horrible as you think," which isn't so nice.

"I just, it would be nice if I could not knock over something for once, or if I could not set the stage on fire," he says.

"If you set the stage on fire, can I dump a bucket of pig's blood on you?" Jade asks.

Tori and Andre look confused and horrified. Robbie just frets and says, "No, Jade, you would have to do that before – don't you even watch these horrible movies you reference?"

"Hm," says Jade, miffed, and she keeps rubbing his shoulder.

When school lets out they have another dress rehearsal and that goes okay and then they send everyone home for like four hours to just sit and wait, oh god, he really needs to practice more, and why does Andre have to be such a good songwriter and win the stupid finale slot, he can't _do this_ in front of all these people, can't get up and play -

"Rob, you play really good," Andre interrupts him as they're walking out of the school. "Anyway, you're the one that came up with the really catchy guitar hook."

"I need my inhaler," says Robbie.

Andre pats him consolingly, and he tells him that if it will make Robbie feel better, they can go to Andre's house and practice some more until it's time to go back to school. It will, so that's what they go and do, and Andre's grandmother only comes into the room twice to yell at them to play quieter.

Then it's seven-thirty so they head back to the school and Robbie hides backstage and messes with their guitar amps and Andre keeps running out and peeping through the curtains at the kids who are playing before them and running back and reporting everything to Robbie, who doesn't need it because hello, Andre, it's _music_, he can _hear_ it!

"I see Tori n Cat n Jade n Beck in the audience!" Andre tells him excitedly. He runs off, then comes back. "I don't see my grandmother, thank god!" he says. He runs off again, then comes back. "I see your mom and sister! They're over by the - "

"No don't tell me where they are!" Robbie cries. "I don't want to know where anyone is sitting! Why, so I can look into their eyes as I send the whole building crashing down around me?"

Andre laughs at him happily. "You are such a goon," he says. "You'll be fine! You been in plays before and you played your guitar thousands of times. This ain't any different."

"I need my inhaler," says Robbie.

But as usual, Andre is right, and it isn't any different that any other time he's been onstage. Andre is the frontrunner anyway, and he's a bit farther up on the stage, and Sinjin is the nicest person ever and he doesn't beam the spotlight on Robbie too much, just as Robbie's begged him not to do. The song is only about three minutes long anyway, and Robbie sings his backup vocals and plays his guitar and he makes sure not to rush through his solo like Andre's coached him to, and he just pretends he's still at Andre's house with his grandmother screaming at them from downstairs and their dog Domino throwing himself at Andre's door and crying because he wants attention.

Then it's over and people are actually cheering for them and Andre whoops and tackles him, which Robbie hasn't expecting, so he falls over and takes down Andre with him, too, laughing, and he does knock their amp over then and feedback squeals but no one cares because _he played the song!_

Afterwards everyone wants to talk to Andre and, for the first time in his life, Robbie too, but they just push past the crowds and try to find their friends, which isn't hard because they just follow the sound of Cat squealing as usual. Everyone hugs everyone and no one really cares that Andre and Robbie are all sweaty from being onstage.

"I told you you could do it, Robbie!" Beck says, thrilled for him, and Ali squeaks and congratulates him too. Tori sweeps in to hug him, but it's a very quick Tori-hug, because Jade yanks on her hair to get her away from him.

"Why didn't you wear the shirt I picked out for you?" Jade demands, but then she leans up and hugs him too, and she kisses the side of his mouth, and doesn't even scream at him for being sweaty. "You did really good."

"Jade," he says, "do you still have my spare inhaler in your car? I need it."

Jade rolls her eyes. "Yes, I do, you unbearable dork," she says.

So they all head out to the parking lot and Cat is yammering away about how Andre and Robbie looked so hot on that stage that she's probably pregnant right now, which is really disturbing, but Jade and Beck and Ali just laugh at her, and somewhere on the way out of the school they find Robbie's mom and sister, and Jess squeals all over him and everyone is shocked and happy to see that Robbie has an actual mother who is alive and well and not a robot or something – well, aside from Jade, who is the only one who has met her. Mom tells him that she's proud of him and that he did a really good job, which feels amazing – just the fact that she's actually shown up for something he's done is amazing – and she and Jess see him off and Mom tells him to have fun with his friends and to call if he isn't coming home.

Once they leave the school they go back to their old haunt – the same diner, Olga's, that they've nearly been kicked out of last time, the diner that he kissed Jade outside of all those months ago back in Junior year. There's a new waitress now so they don't have to be nervous about her spitting in their food, unless maybe the owner somehow remembers them and instructs her to.

This time Robbie is very daring and he orders french fries for himself to eat. Cat and Jade get milkshakes and Cat looks at him guilty while she drinks hers, but Jade doesn't. She steals his french fries to dip in it and he lets her. Beck talks on and on about going to Spain to visit his mother and Robbie feels happy for him, Tori sighs that she wishes Steve Strickland had shown up to hang out with them, Jade rolls her eyes, and Cat asks the waitress for an extra ketchup bottle for Andre, who has wanted one but felt too insecure about his addiction to ask.

Jade lays her head on his shoulder absently and she and Cat wave across the room to some girls that they know from school. Beck keeps snapping his fingers in Robbie's face, trying to keep his attention, and Robbie feels badly, but Jade is really pretty, how is he not supposed to keep looking at her? It's only when they're finally paying for their food and making to stand up that Robbie realizes he's still got the cuffs of his shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows, hot from playing onstage, and no one has been staring in horror or looking at his wrists or even caring.

He thinks about this for a moment, but then Jade is reaching out and tugging at his arm, grinning at him, and saying_ come on Shapiro, I got something you'll need your inhaler for,_ so he gets up and follows her, follows her out the diner, and lets her take him home.

**Author's Note: So I spent forever editing this and then the DocX crashed so I just did a quick re-edit quickly and I'm sorry if there are a ton of errors.**


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter Fifty-Six**

For the first Christmas in many, many years, Mom is actually home, and it's sort of weird, actually, but overall it's very nice. She comes home early on Christmas Eve while Robbie, Jess, Jade, and Cat are in the living room, watching some horrible Christmas slasher film. Cat and Jess are eating popcorn, and Jade is lying against him while he's holding Michelle in his lap.

"Oh, hello there," says Mom, moving to put her briefcase on the desk in the corner of the room. Then she raises an eyebrow intensely as she spies the tiny pig. "Robbie, what is _that?_"

"Um," says Robbie.

Michelle squeaks softly.

"It's a guinea pig!" Cat says eagerly.

Mom frowns over at Cat – she thinks the girl is odd, and her propensity for glitter disturbing – and then she says, "Robbie, if you bought a pet, you could at least have told me."

"Oh, I don't - " starts Robbie, but then Jade elbows him discreetly, because Michelle is still her least favorite and she's been trying to fob her off on Robbie for months, so he just shuts up. "I'm sorry."

"At least you didn't remove the plastic covering from the couch," Mom continues, looking around the room in inspection and Robbie looks guilty while Jade and his sister smirk because they clearly know that Robbie is a secret bad-ass.

Mom goes upstairs to change and do whatever it is that mothers do upstairs while their children are watching television with their friends, and the group finishes their movie. Robbie puts Michelle back into her little case and looks at her consideringly. He guesses he has a pet now. Beck will probably go to the pet store with him to buy Michelle a bigger habitat and the rest of the things she'll need if she's going to be living with Robbie. Robbie has really wanted to buy her a little exercise ball, but Jade wouldn't allow it when Michelle was in her custody.

After the movie ends Cat starts whining at Jade that she's hungry and Jade crabs, "You're always hungry, you stupid redhead!" but reluctantly moves to get up. She makes plans to meet up with Robbie after their families do dinner tomorrow – no big party at her uncle's this year, and Robbie is glad, because he would miss her – and then his friends head out, Cat singing loudly about Christmas pizzas as Jade marches her out the front door.

Christmas with Mom is an adventure. She burns the turkey horribly, though she does manage to find the missing Mary from their nativity set. "Didn't you check the box?" she asks. Mary is pretty dusty and is missing an arm, but Robbie sets her down beside the manger anyway, and Jess just looks very happy to have her family together. They all go and see Dad while the turkey is cooking (burning, really), and that's the only time of the day that Robbie allows himself to feel sad.

Life is so weird.

If Dad wasn't so sick, Robbie doesn't think he would be so, well – strange. He wouldn't really have a reason to be depressed, even though Dr Parisch is always telling him that there are other webs to sadness anyway. He thinks that if Dad hadn't gotten ill, he probably would have never came to try and go out for Hollywood Arts. He wouldn't know Cat or Beck or Andre or Tori or Ali or Steve or Sinjin or Mrs. Savidge or Jade. Wouldn't have Jade at all, not like he has her now. Maybe he wouldn't be so close with this sister, either.

Then again, maybe he would be. He probably wouldn't have had to spend a month in the hospital, either. Maybe. Most likely. He'd have – well, he'd have Dad. He'd have had someone to teach him to not be so weird and someone he could have gone to and asked a million questions.

Who knows what the answers would have been, though.

He doesn't know if life with Dad would be better or worse if he was well. Would his parents even still be together? Would they still be happy? Of course he can wish that his father was better, and was with him, but he doesn't really know anything. Everything is just the way it is. That's what he tries to tell himself to make himself feel better as they're leaving.

Jess looks small and sad as they walk back across the Home's parking lot, and she hadn't rolled her eyes or sighed or strayed from Dad's bedroom to go and talk about Harry Potter to the other residents that she likes better. She is growing up, too, he thinks. Next year she'll be in high school, the same year that Robbie was in when his life really started to change.

"Robbie, you can drive," Mom says, jangling her keys tiredly at him.

Robbie takes them and stares. "You want me to drive."

"Yes, that is what I said."

"Me. To drive your Lincoln. The, the - your really, really expensive car, that when you got you told me have fun looking at it, because you'll never drive it Robbie, that car. Me?"

Mom looks amused and exasperated. "Do you want me to change my mind?"

"No," says Robbie quickly, and hurries onwards to her car.

"Shotgun!" cries Jess happily, and cowers when Mom gives her a hard look. "Or the backseat is fine."

Jess wriggles around the sprawling leather backseat and crows in glee while Robbie jerkingly backs out of the parking spot, not used to driving a vehicle different than his own. "I hope you crash, Robbie!' she says.

"_Jessica!_" say Robbie and Mom in twin consternation.

Jess looks guilty. "Just a little crash," she says. "Maybe a fender bender. I mean, jeez, don't _kill us._"

Robbie rolls his eyes. Then he turns up his seat warmer – so high tech! - and to be honest, yeah, he feels pretty good.

Robbie doesn't have a present for Mom, which makes him feel bad since she's actually home for once, but she doesn't seem bothered. He's spent most of his money anyway, on a soccer jacket for Jess and horror tickets and that metric ton of candy he's bought Cat.

Jess seems happy with her fancy new jacket, which Beck has helped him order, and eats dinner wearing it, despite Mom's protest. Robbie and his sister nicely don't comment on the blackened skin of the turkey, and Mom seems satisfied. After dinner she leaves the two siblings to clean up while she furiously vacuums the living room, fretting about pet dander.

"You could still develop a new allergy, Robert," she tells him.

Robbie rolls his eyes in secret. What would she say if she knew he's been consorting with guinea pigs for a year now!

Later that evening he has Jade in his room and she's going through his bookshelf, annoyed at him because he still hasn't finished reading The Talisman and she wants to discuss it with him.

"Sorry I didn't really get you anything good for Christmas," Robbie says.

Jade shrugs. "I don't care. We can just go to the movies tomorrow or something. I want to see that alien movie."

"Okay," says Robbie. "Or we can do this." He waves the Horror Con tickets at her.

Jade moves closer to inspect what he's got in his hands, then actually shrieks a little bit and hits his shoulder. "No you did not!" she cries. She sits down on his bed next to him and takes the tickets from him, looking at them more closely. "Where did you find out about this!"

"I have connections," he says suavely, then adds: "I get emails." She laughs.

"This is so cool," Jade says, looking pleased with him. "Oh my God!" She tells him about how she went to one a few years ago with Cat and they got to meet Corey Feldman. He had his own panel, Jade says! Robbie nods and pretends that he remembers who that guy is. Wasn't he in a football movie with Charlie Sheen?

Jade looks pained to know him. "No, that was the other one," she says.

"Oh, right," says Robbie, and pretends he knows who that is too.

* * *

The Horror Convention is held at an entertainment center a little ways outside of Pasadena and Robbie's actually surprised at how much there is to do and look at. Jade drags him behind stage set-ups where short films are being screened and she takes a lot of free stickers which she puts all over Robbie's clothes and she gets really happy when Robbie buys her a shirt that is supposed to be from the Friday the 13th movies. It looks just like a regular camp shirt to him, but what does he know? He doesn't know, because Jade hasn't forced him to watch those movies yet.

At one point:

"Oh my God it's Michael Myers," Jade breathes out, looking positively starstruck, in the tone of voice that Robbie imagines a much younger teen would use to say, "Oh my God it's The Jonas Brothers," or perhaps Tori would use to say, "Oh my God it's Steven Strickland."

With slight trepidation, Robbie follows her gaze across the room to the masked man that's wandering sinisterly about. Oh, he thinks unhappily. He really doesn't like those movies. Jamie Lee Curtis can never catch a break, and that piano music freaks him out.

"Jade, I don't think that's actually him," Robbie says doubtfully. "I mean, I think it's just some guy dressed up like him, I don't think it's the actor or someone with the mov-"

But then Jade's got a hold of his wrist and she is pulling him across the room, yelping out that it _doesn't matter_ and some other things that he can't quite understand because her pitch has nearly reached Cat-level points of high and then she stops in front of Michael and very nearly squeals, "Will you take a picture with my boyfriend?"

Michael Myers tilts his head questioningly at them, possibly wondering how a guy that looks like Robbie got a girl that looks like Jade to refer to him as her boyfriend aloud and in public. Robbie watches the (fake fake oh dear god please be fake) huge kitchen knife he's holding glint under the lights.

Jade shoves Robbie forward and waves her phone, set to picture, his face. "Go and stand by him!" she commands.

Robbie does so, very nervously, and Jade takes a few pictures of Robbie looking scared beside Michael Myers, then of Michael Myers pretending to stab Robbie in the neck (that knife _is_ fake, but it still sort of hurts a bit, and it leaves a little bruise. "Poor baby," says Jade, teasing him, but then she pets him rather consolingly, which makes him feel better). Jade uploads the pictures to The Slap right away and Beck likes them.

"Make this your default picture," Jade says, waving her phone with the one of shot screaming in his face. Robbie starts to tell her no way, but then something else that's gory catches her eye, and then she's off, dragging him behind her by his sleeve and exclaiming.

Jade wins the horror trivia and gets a boxed set of some Italian slasher movies that, oh, Robbie's just _dying_ to watch (see, Jade? He can be sarcastic too), and they meet some short film directors and Jade is happy and she gets to meet the whole cast of the original Scissoring and she makes Robbie take fifty-two pictures of them. He even gets to be in one with her, though he's mostly obscured by the giant scissors that the woman who played the dead girl is waving around.

"Robbie, is that a love-bite on your neck?" Mom asks later when he gets home.

"No, it's a stab wound," Robbie says very seriously, and Mom just gives him a disapproving look.

The next day he goes to see Beck, who has bought them matching Adventure Time shirts for Christmas, and they meet up with Ali, planning to go to the mall. Beck doesn't care that Robbie doesn't really have a present for him, even after he tells Beck a little bit about taking Jade to Horror Con.

"I don't think I'd ever have thought to take Jade to something like that," Beck says thoughtfully, then adds: "And even if I did think about it, I probably wouldn't have done it. I hate that horror crap."

"You could have taken her to a Haley Joel Osment convention," Robbie says, and he and Ali grin.

Beck looks confused. "Does she like him or something?"

Ali rolls her eyes. "Yes, you idiot! Don't you remember when we went to her house and she made us watch like three of those movies because she missed Robbie?"

Robbie cries, "What?" as Beck muses, "Oh yeah."

"When was this?" Robbie sputters.

"Like, the end of May?" Beck speculates.

"Right after you missed her birthday," Ali confirms blithely, successfully making Robbie feel about two inches tall (which is funny, because in fact, he is exactly a foot taller than Ali). "We went to her house with Caterina to cheer her up and she made us watch those horrible movies and she kept saying things like 'Robbie cried at this one' and then looking pissed off." Ali smiles. "She's _so _obvious."

Beck adds: "She was really upset, even though she only showed it by hitting Tori."

"She hit Tori?"

"I mean, not any harder than she usually hits Tori."

"No one knew where you were, Robbie," Ali puts in. "And Jade was supposed to be your best friend. She thought you'd ditched her."

Beck looks thoughtful. "Hey, do you think that's why Jade was so mean to everyone the last few weeks of school?"

Ali just stares at her boyfriend. "You know," she says, "I'm really glad you aren't hung up on your ex-girlfriend, but your lack of noticing anything remotely important is sort of disturbing."

"I didn't know she was that upset about it all," Robbie frowns.

"Wouldn't you be?" Ali squeaks, getting worked up. "What if Jade just randomly disappeared after weeks of being really weird? And it's not like we all knew you were in the hospital, Robbie!" Then she and Beck shoot him a guilty look, and she adds: "Sorry."

"Oh," says Robbbie uncomfortably. "It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Ali."

"It's okay," she says lightly, waving a hand at him. "I wouldn't expect you to. I mean I'm not really in your group, am I? I just sleep with your best friend."

"Oh," says Robbie again, and blushes, because he hadn't known Beck and Ali were sleeping together.

"Ali!" Beck cries, scolding. "I hadn't told him that yet!"

"Oh my god," says Ali, rolling her eyes, amused. "I'm sure everyone knows."

Beck pouts. "That's not the point! I always tell Robbie about the important happenings in my life. And, and it's not like anyone knew when I slept with Jade, aside from him!"

"Yes, because you were barely _fifteen_ when that happened, and that's still disgusting, Beckett," says Ali, and hits him in the shoulder.

"_Jade_ was sixteen," says Beck, and then looks wistful, remembering, and then he cries out when both Robbie and Ali hit him. "Sorry!"

"Robbie," Ali huffs, "please explain to me why I continue to go out with this lug."

Robbie smiles, glad that the topic is being steered away from sex. "His magic hair?" he suggests, and Ali laughs happily. "It's why I'm friends with him. You just stay closeby, hoping some of his magnetism will rub off on you."

"Yes, but it never does, does it," Ali muses thoughtfully, and runs her hands through the said hair of Beck.

Beck just looks dour. "You don't have to gang up on me," he says.

At the mall, Ali buys a new strap for Robbie's guitar as a present, which is really cool of her. Her birthday is next month, so he'll have to do something nice for her. They all go into the pet store and he and Ali pick out bedding and a nice habitat for Michelle while Beck coos at the puppies and asks to hold different ones.

"D'you think my dad will let me get a dog?" he asks, coming over to them and carting along the ugliest fluffy thing Robbie's ever laid eyes on.

Ali looks doubtful. "Didn't your dad accidentally sort of, you know, kill the last one?"

"Yeah," says Robbie, remembering. "Didn't he leave it locked in the garage with the wood stove on?"

Beck is upset. "That was like ten years ago!" he cries. "I wasn't even living with him full-time then. We don't even _have_ that stove anymore. And he was so upset that he got drunk for like two weeks afterwards." Then he looks thoughtful. "Not that that's very uncommon for him."

"I think you should just wait on it," Robbie says carefully, and taps at the puppy's nose. It makes an ugly sound and tries to lick his fingers.

Beck still looks very disheartened, so Ali rubs his back. "Come on, babe," she soothes. "I'll buy you a new fish. You'd like that, right?" Beck brightens, and goes to return the puppy back to the store owner.

* * *

The rest of winter break floats by. Robbie has to work a lot at the furniture warehouse, but when he isn't, he spends most of his time with Jade, who must be still pleased with him about HorrorCon, for she's very nice to him. She even rubs his back for him when he complains of it hurting! He whines and squirms and says that she's making it worse, so she punches him in the back of his shoulders and says _shut up you crybaby, it has to hurt to feel better,_ and then later, it does. Jade is so smart!

Jade helps him set up Michelle's new habitat and tells him what a dork he is when they go out and he leaves music on for the guinea pig.

"Music aides in memory development," Robbie says, debating what Beatles record to put on for her.

"Yeah, in _babies,_" Jade says.

"Michelle, my belle," Robbie sings, and Michelle hoots appreciatively.

They go to Beck's for New Year's Eve and pick up Cat on the way and everyone squishes into the RV as usual. Beck makes them watch the countdown on his little grainy television, and Robbie gets to kiss Jade at midnight, which isn't usual, and he keeps kissing her until Cat and Beck shriek and start throwing pillows at them.

Jade is tired and miserable when school starts again on the second of January, but she doesn't even punch him or anything, not even to try and make his shoulder more comfortable. She rests her head there and closes her eyes and sleeps on him during lunch. Robbie feels happy, and draws in his notebook. Across from him, Beck is chattering on about their study hall (as it's a new semester and Robbie no longer has to tutor in math lab), and Tori beams at him from the corner of the table and mouths, "So sweet!" while making little hand motions towards him and Jade.

"Kill you, Vega," Jade mumbles without opening her eyes, and Tori and Robbie stare at each other in shock.

When school ends, Robbie's at his locker, putting away his books and listening to Tori squawk on about her new vocal coach and Spring Fling (oh god, not again) and Steve Strickland.

"We talked about The Counting Crows," Tori says, looking dreamy.

"What's that?" Robbie asks, shoving his physics book away and quickly closing the locker before a mountain of paperwork can rain down on him. "A band?"

Tori waves a hand. "Who cares!" she says. "He was talking to me!"

Robbie rolls his eyes. Nope, no crushing there.

"I'll just Wikipedia them when I get home," Tori's saying as Jade drags herself over to them, casting Tori a dark glance. "Robbie, do you think - oh, hey Jade!"

"Hi Tori," Jade chirrups, and sends Tori a huge fake grin before saying, "Bye Tori!"

Tori frowns, looking a little wary. "Jade, I was just telling Robbie about - "

"Good_-bye_, Vega."

"You - "

"_AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND!"_ Jade hollers, and Tori yelps and zips off at the speed of light. Oh well. He guesses he'll hear more from her tomorrow about The Counting Crows.

"Hi Jade," says Robbie, smiling, happy to see her if even if the first thing she's done is scream.

Jade just turns her glower on him. "Oh, don't 'Hi Jade' me, you little slut."

"What?" cries Robbie in a mixture of amusement and confusion.

"Oh, what, like you don't know what you're doing!" Jade reaches out and slugs his shoulder. "Flirting with Tori!"

Robbie's mouth drops open. "You – _Tori?_"

Jade folds her arms across her chest and glares at him.

Robbie squeaks. "You – Tori? Tori Vega?"

"The one and only," Jade sort of sneers.

Robbie wonders if his eyes can actually fall out of his head. "You – I'm not flirting with Tori!"

"She was_ touching you._"

Had she been? Robbie actually has to take pause and think back. He supposes Tori had grabbed at his elbow for a moment, for emphasis of some point she was making. Oh my god, flirting with Tori! "Are you being serious?" he asks Jade, pretty serious himself, though he also wants to laugh at the absurdity of the idea, but Jade doesn't look like she's very amused, so he stops himself.

He says: "Jade, I'm not flirting with Tori. I don't think I even know how to flirt."

"Whatever," says Jade, going from hot to cold in a second, dropping it. "Can we go?"

"I guess so," Robbie says doubtfully, and shoulders his backpack.

They start to head out of the school, side by side, but only because Robbie picks up his pace to keep up with Jade, and he'd like to hold her hand, but she's clenched her fists and then shoved them into the pockets of her long dark coat.

Robbie stops walking.

Jade continues on for a few more steps, then stops right before the school's exit archway, noticing him, and turns around to glare anew. "_What?_"

"You're actually mad," says Robbie wonderingly.

Jade folds her arms up again. "No I'm not," she says, clearly mad.

Robbie honestly doesn't know what to do.

Jade has gotten mad at him for many things in the past – for talking too much, for not talking enough, for looking like, well, Robbie, for being a huge nerd, for not letting her copy his math homework, but this – getting angry with him over _girls_ – well, he has no idea how to handle this.

"D'you," Robbie starts, and then has to try again, because he wants to make himself perfectly clear, "Do you really think I'd flirt with Tori?" Jade doesn't answer him, so he continues, "I mean, Tori? She pretty much thinks I'm asexual, I think."

"I just don't like her," says Jade shortly. Which is all fine and good, really, and Robbie's _known_ this, but – well, but Tori is probably a fairly medium if not large part of why Robbie is even together with Jade right now. Jade doesn't know all of it, no, but Tori had went to her and talked about Robbie, had pushed Jade. Why would she ever even entertain the thought that they would even consider flirting with each other?

"Well, I don't like Tori either," says Robbie, and tries out a sardonic smile, which probably doesn't really catch.

Jade doesn't really answer him, scowling and crossing her arms and purposefully not-looking at him. Robbie wracks his brain. He doesn't understand why she's being like this. He thinks back to one of the few brief conversations he and Beck had had about Jade over the summer – what was it Beck has said?

_She'd be so closed off. She didn't trust me enough._

_She was so insecure._

You're jealous, Robbie thinks but does not say. He stares at Jade, who's still scowling and looking away from him. It's an incredible and somewhat baffling thought, that she could be jealous of any other girl. He's probably a bit biased, but doesn't Jade know that she's practically perfect? He doesn't know how -

Well, he reminds himself, he doesn't know a lot of things. Beck had gotten tired of it, and he doesn't know – he doesn't know how he _could._

"Hm," says Robbie, stepping closer to Jade, and looking her up and down with a critical eye. Jade draws her brows down defensively and looks back at him. Robbie walks in a slow circle around her, eyeing her some more. "Hm," he says again.

"What's your problem?" Jade demands, wary and annoyed. Her hands are clenched by her sides again.

"No problem," says Robbie, and then darts in, bracing one arm behind her shoulders and the other against the backs of her knees and then he picks her up. Jade shrieks a little in surprise and clamps her arms around his neck.

"Shapiro, the hell are you _doing -! _" she hollers, and kicks her legs.

Robbie grins, turning a little so he can push open the school's door and shoves his way out to the parking lot. "Carrying my chattel to my car," he says, happy.

"Your – _oh!_" cries Jade, possibly in rage. "Oh, I am _not_ your personal property, Shapiro!"

How could anyone ever not want Jade? The girl studies her SAT vocab and actually remembers it. She's the most perfect girl.

The most perfect girl who is currently trying to swing at him as he makes his way across the parking lot.

"Jade!" he cries, spitting out a spiral of green-colored hair. "Don't hit me! I'm not very strong! I may drop you!"

"Oh, _wonderful_!" Jade yells, and grips his neck again.

Thankfully, they reach his car only a few seconds later, and he deposits her by his passenger door, and pretends very hard not to seem as breathless as he feels while he unlocks the door for her. When he has, he turns to grin at her, and she scowls back, looking very cutely petulant, he thinks privately. He leans in and he kisses her on the forehead, and she socks him in the stomach, but not very hard, considering.

"I hate you so freaking much," Jade sneers once they're in the car and he's started driving, and she grabs his hand and holds it.

"I know," says Robbie.

**Author's Note: This chapter so did not want to be written published - the freaking enter key on my laptop has randomly stopped working, so I have to plug in my old-ass keyboard whenever I want to write for TYSW. Then, I am sick, and may have an infected spider bite, and the Internet shut down for like a straight hour when I tried to post this.  
**

**Anyway, without further ado, chapter 56!  
**


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter Fifty-Seven**

January and the first half of February go by pretty quickly, and quite frankly, they're turning out to be pretty awesome, aside from the fight that Robbie and Jade have when Jade refuses to update her Splashface page for him to 'in a relationship.' It's important to Robbie, because it's the last step that he thinks Jade needs to take in accepting that their being together is a big deal.

Part of it being a big deal is that she needs to be shown as in a relationship because then all the huge lunking loser guys who troll her Splashface can see that she's IN A RELATIONSHIP, SO LAY OFF NOW, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

He probably could have worded the last bit a little more tactfully, he reflects later.

Jade doesn't exactly the relationship tag debacle that way. She doesn't think it's a big deal, actually. Who cares about Splashface? She tells him not be be a baby about it and that if he keeps acting like a big fat girl she'll _never_ accept his request, because she isn't a lesbian. Then she slams her lunch tray and storms out of the courtyard while Robbie stares after her, highly offended, because now not only is he a girl, but he's a fat one, too?

Then he feels very bad for feeling upset at that. Fat bottom girls make the rocking world go round, he reminds himself (Dad had liked Queen a little bit).

Also, gosh, Jade is a jerk!

Cat, who's been watching their whole argument with plain interest and a little bit of trepidation, looks over at Robbie now and offers him a small half-smile, twirling a lock of red around her finger. She offers, "You know, Robbie, I don't think Jade even uses her Splashface that much anymore?"

"Oh," says Robbie.

"I mean she doesn't need to use it to check up on you like she did with Beck."

"Oh, of course not!" hollers Robbie, which is a little unnecessary because Cat's the only other one at the table right now. "Why would she ever want to _check up on me? _Why would she ever care about what I'm doing?"

Cat gives him an exasperated look. "That's not what I meant, Robbie."

He calls Jade after school that Friday, but she doesn't answer him, and she doesn't call him back all Saturday or Sunday, either. God, Jade is going to break up with him over Splashface! He lays on his bed in a great depression, holding Michelle on his chest and feeling lonely and forlorn.

"Why is your brother listening to that music?" he hears one of Jess's friends ask her as they walk past his door on Saturday.

"His girlfriend thinks he's a loser," responds Jess.

Robbie scowls. "I can _hear you!_" he yells, and Jess's laughter drifts in at him from the hall. He closes his door and turns Jewel up a bit louder on his PearPhone radio and continues being depressed. He says to Michelle, "These foolish games are tearing me apart." In response, Michelle poops on his bed.

Stupid guinea pig child! Life is horrible.

On Monday morning Jade is waiting for him at his locker and glaring, though. "I accepted your stupid relationship request so you can stop ignoring me now," she says grumpily.

"You're ignoring _me_!" cries Robbie. "I called you on Friday!"

"Oh." Jade looks apologetic. "Didn't I tell you Jeff dropped my phone in the toilet? It doesn't tell me when I have missed calls now."

"I'm sorry," says Robbie, falling into a new great depression since he could have spent the whole weekend kissing and holding Jade and instead had spent it sorrowfully listening to 90s girl music. "Why did he have your phone near the toilet?"

"Hell if I know," Jade grumps. "I let him use it to play Angry Birds."

Robbie doesn't know what that is. "So … are we okay?"

"If you're okay," Jade tells him.

"I'm okay," he affirms. He adds, "I missed hanging out with you this weekend. It really sucked."

"Yeah," says Jade, looking uncomfortable because they're sort of talking about feelings and Jade hates to do that. To make her feel better, he starts telling her about his weekend spent in his room and Jess making fun of him while he listened to Jewel. When Jade starts to snort, he cries defensively, "It's _your_ CD, anyway!"

"No it's not," says Jade bluntly. "It's Beck's dad's."

"Oh." Which begs the question: "Um, why do you have one of Mr Oliver's CDs?"

Jade just waves a hand distractedly, saying, "I have like hundreds of his CDs," which only confuses Robbie further.

"Hi hi," says Cat, coming up to them, and then looks at Robbie warily. She asks Jade, "Is Robbie still a jerk?"

"No," says Jade, as he huffs in indignation. He guesses that explains why Cat hadn't responded to his texts this weekend. Girls! "We're okay now."

"Oh, okay, good," says Cat, and shoots her sunny smile at him. "Hi Robbie!"

Then the bell is ringing and Cat squeals and starts pulling Jade away towards Sikowitz's class. Jade shoots Robbie a dour glance over her shoulder as she is led off, possibly for the same reason that he feels dour, which is that it's now been over 48 hours without even a touch from her or a hand-hold. Perhaps he can make it up to her later in the janitor's closet, he thinks, making himself blush.

* * *

Jade gets her lead in the play – not the play for Sikowitz's class, but the Junior/Senior play, which is Our Town this year, and it's a big deal. It's funny to watch Jade read her lines and transform into sweet and precocious Emily, then drop her script and scream at Sinjin for walking into the auditorium at the wrong time.

Robbie is going to help with the lighting, which means he doesn't really have to do anything for another month or so until they start doing actual stage rehearsals, but he stays late after school most days to watch Jade run her lines. Cat and Ali are painting new scenery, and sometimes he helps with that. Then Beck is doing a soliloquy for the Spring Showcase, which runs right before the play, so Robbie sits in on that too and acts as Beck's one-person audience, since he's been doing for years anyway.

Between the play and Robbie's work and him doing the lighting, he and Jade don't have as much time to spend together, and a lot of the time they aren't even alone, because inevitably one of them will invite Cat to tag along. Jade is trying to be a better friend and Robbie is trying, too, because there's so much he hasn't known about Cat and she's still sad about Andre and it wouldn't be very nice of him to climb on Jade and kiss her when they're all hanging out together.

It's sort of like Cat is their child or something, Robbie thinks, as they're sitting at Groovy Smoothie one afternoon and Jade is lecturing Cat (Jade, of all people, lecturing!) on her table manners and trying to wipe at the girl's mouth with a napkin. Their strange and fully-grown child, and would Robbie really allow his daughter to dye her hair such a color?

Cat squirms and wriggles. "But I want another smoothie!" she cries out, batting away Jade's hands.

"You don't _need_ another smoothie!" Jade tells her, and Cat pouts hugely and knocks over the remains of her drink.

"Robbie?" she wheedles.

"You heard what Jade said," Robbie says, and Cat pouts anew.

"Well can we get ice cream then?" Cat asks, and Robbie and Jade stare at her, appalled. Cat frowns. "What are you making for dinner?" she demands of Robbie.

"Eggplant," he says automatically, even though he's not even going to be making any dinner, because Cat hates eggplant. Maybe she'll go to her own home instead of hanging out with him and Jade all night and then he can try and put the moves on Jade. Well, not that he really has any moves. He might have one. Half a move.

Cat makes a disgusted face and then starts whining about why hasn't Andre been at lunch all week, so Jade digs through her purse and throws some candy at her to shut her up.

Then it's gotten to be February and Robbie is beginning to freak out a little bit because don't girls usually make big deals out of Valentine's Day? And Jade is his girlfriend now oh god, and he should really get her a nice present and last year she'd _kissed _him on Valentine's Day and he hadn't got it, even though she claims to have not even liked him at that point.

He takes Cat to the mall one day after school while Jade's rehearsing and they go into no less than eight different card and gift shops and Robbie frantically picks at items while Cat coos around at all the stuffed animals.

"Do you think Jade would want this bear for Valentine's Day?" Robbie asks, waving the fluffy thing in Cat's face.

Cat looks at it in consideration. "Maybe if you cut it up into pieces first," she says.

Robbie mulls over this, then dismisses it. Cat holds onto a purple giraffe hopefully as Robbie tosses the bear back onto its display and they continue to peruse the store. Cat gives out a long-suffering sigh.

"I guess you and Jade will want _alone time_ on Thursday," she says, which is Valentine's Day.

"Ah," says Robbie, blushing for no reason. "Maybe."

Cat sighs again. "Jade already talked to me about it. She's putting her phone on silent." She_ is_? "I'm not allowed to call after six-thirty. She says it's very important that I don't call after six-thirty."

Robbie feels a mild flare of panic. "Why is it important, Cat?" he demands. "What happens at six-thirty?"

"Maybe I'll just go to Tori's," Cat says absently, completely ignoring Robbie's utter terror. "She's also going to die alone and unloved. Maybe she'll want company."

"Oh, stop it!" Robbie hollers, and he reaches over and throttles the purple giraffe, making Cat laugh. "You aren't unloved! What about Thomas?"

Cat looks confused.

"Tristan?" Robbie tries again, thinking hard.

"Oh," says Cat, her face clearing. She hits him on the arm. "Robbie, his name is Trevor! You met him three times!"

"Oh yeah," says Robbie. "Well, what about Trevor?"

"We broke up," is all says Cat, and then just sighs again, looking horribly depressed. Robbie wonders if she ever listens to the musical workings of Jewel. "It's okay, Robbie," she says, hugging the giraffe sadly. "I've accepted it. I don't need a boyfriend. I'm just going to – ooh, look, chocolate!"

Then she's off again.

Robbie ends up buying Jade a 3 pound box of chocolate, which takes up nearly the whole backseat of his car, because he knows that Jade likes chocolate nearly as much as Cat does, but she won't really buy it a lot for herself or hide it in her bra as Cat does. As he's being rung up he grabs the stupid giraffe out of Cat's hands and buys it for her, because he wants to make her happy. She squeals.

"You want me to get really fat and disgusting so I lose all my self esteem and can't leave you," says Jade when he gives her the chocolates on Thursday, but she looks happy with him nonetheless. She must be really happy with him, because a little later in her room she takes her shirt off, and why did Robbie not realize that second base is definitely the best base, way better than first, which he's just been standing at for months now?

Jade laughs at him when he professes his love to her chest. "Which one are you talking to?" she asks.

"Both of them," says Robbie in reverence. He loves a lot of things about Jade, and he tells her so, which he supposes she forgives him for, seeing as it can't be helped that he gets very emotional and slightly teary when there is a half-naked girl in front of him.

"Do you ever stop _talking_?" Jade says, and pulls him to her.

"I love you so much," Robbie says, lost somewhere in her skin. He can't stop himself from saying it. "I love you like Sam Neill loves dinosaurs."

Jade stares at him sharply.

"Before he was on Isla Nublar, of course," Robbie quickly amends, and Jade looks pacified. Well, maybe. He isn't exactly looking at her face right now. Life is so wonderful.

* * *

A week or so later, it's early Friday evening and Cat has somehow wrangled Jade into a sleepover at her house with Tori and, well, it's Friday night, so Robbie would really like to be with Jade, but he also understands that the girls need their bonding time. He just tries not to miss her too much – they don't need to spend _every_ entire weekend together, right? - and since Beck has pissed Ali off again he's taking her on a fancy dinner date and Andre is off trying to break into some producer's building to play him some songs.

He's at the nursing home since Jess is at a sleepover too, helping out with the evening activities because one of the aides has called out, when his PearPhone goes off and it's Jade calling him.

"I hate Tori," Jade says when he picks up.

Robbie smiles and steps out into the hallway.

"What's she doing?"

"Existing."

"Oh. Well, she can't help that."

"She's such a prissy little princess," Jade says darkly. "Cat and I want to watch The Breakfast Club because we always do and she's all, Oh, that's rated R, like she hasn't been seventeen for – well, shit, I don't know when her birthday is."

"It's a pretty racy movie," says Robbie.

"There aren't even any tits in it!" Jade cries, and Robbie winces. His phone has been acting up lately (he had only let Jefferson borrow it for two minutes, how could the kid have broken it so quickly?), and he has to put everyone who calls him on speaker phone just to hear them talk. He casts a quick look around, but there's only old Mr. Norton wheeling himself by, and he's practically deaf anyway.

"I'm going to tell her we got to third base in your car last week," Jade is saying now.

"Jade!" he cries, appalled. "That's a lie!"

"It was_ almost_ third base," Jade says contemplatively. "It was like an inch away from third base."

Robbie blushes very hard. "Well, that was a mistake, I thought we decided that."

"Third base is never a mistake," Jade tells him very seriously. "You decided that, because you are a freak. And it would have totally been third base if Cat hadn't came over and opened the door. Hey, can I tell Tori that I broke your bed?"

"No!"

"Can I tell her I sucked your - "

"Jade!" he yells, because he has no idea how she is going to finish that sentence. "Remember that you are on speaker phone!"

"Oh yeah," says Jade, happy. "Where are you anyway?"

"I don't want to tell you," says Robbie. She'll make fun of him forever if she knows he's hosting game night at the nursing home.

"Why not?" Jade yells. "Who are you with?"

"I'm not with anyone!" he squeaks, cradling the phone against his shoulder as he goes over to Mr Norton, who's gotten his wheelchair stuck on the doorframe. He pulls the brake up on the chair and starts to back him up.

"Are you out with Randa?" Jade demands, and Robbie rolls his eyes. He hasn't even talked to Rainah in over a month, outside of waving to her in the hall last week at school, which Jade apparently had really not liked. There's not really much time to talk to Rainah, especially since he isn't in the Matheletes anymore.

"No, I'm not out with Rainah!" he cries.

"Why are you yelling, son?" asks Mr Norton.

"I'm not yelling!" yells Robbie.

"What?" says Jade.

"What's that you're holding?" Mr Norton asks. "Is that a beeper?"

"Sorry, Jade," says Robbie. "No, it's a phone. I'm talking to my girlfriend."

Mr Norton looks shocked at the news, and Robbie feels a bit affronted.

"Who are you talking to?" Jade hollers, and Mr Norton looks shocked some more, hearing Jade's voice float out of the phone.

"Is that a computer?" he asks.

"No, it's a cellular device!" Robbie shouts, waving the phone in his face. "It's a phone! Like to call people?"

"Son, you don't have to yell," says Mr Norton, and starts to wheel himself away.

"Robbie, what the hell?" Jade is saying. "Where _are_ you? Are you at a strip club?"

"What?" he cries. "No, I'm at the nursing home."

Jade laughs at him. "I knew it," she says. "You get _so _worked up. What are you doing there?"

"_You_ get worked up," he mumbles grumpily. "I may or may not be hosting Bingo."

"Oh my god," says Jade in elation. "I need to see this. I'm coming down there."

He has a horrible mental image of Jade sitting in the dining hall and chain-smoking with her feet up on the residents' wheelchairs as Robbie squints at little plastic chips and calls out, "A-7!"

"No, Jade!" he cries out sternly. "Cat needs you! The Brat Pack needs you!"

"Oh, Robbie, you are so bad," Jade says in a sultry tone, and Robbie sighs.

"Did Tori just walk into the room?" he asks, and Jade laughs.

"Maybe," she says, and then: "What am I wearing? Well, what are _you_ wearing, sweetheart?"

"_Sweetheart?_" he says, scandalized.

"Robbie! Don't say such dirty things to me! I can't get all hot and bothered at Cat's house! I'll use the handcuffs on you later."

"Oh my God!" says Robbie. "Jade, stop it!"

"You are such a _nympho_," Jade drawls into the phone, and Robbie lets out a muffled cry of despair.

Jade may actually be crying into the phone with laughter. "Oh my god," she says. "You should have seen her _face!_"

"Why do you do this?" Robbie asks her. "Why?"

"I make my own fun," Jade says, still happy.

"You don't actually have handcuffs, do you?"

Jade's quiet for a minute. "I mean, they don't actually _work._"

Robbie doesn't say anything.

"Do you _want_ them to work?"

"No!" cries Robbie. "I mean – I mean, no!"

"Okay," says Jade. "I'll remember this, Shapiro."

* * *

"So you're really going out with Jade West," Sinjin says wonderingly as they're unwrapping camera cords in the auditorium one day.

Robbie can't help the stupid smile that spreads out across his face, even though it's been almost three months now, officially. "Yeah," he says.

Sinjin looks awed. "How did you _get _her?"

Robbie thinks about it. Honestly: "I don't know," he says.

"Sometimes Cat talks to me," Sinjin says, "but really she just wants to use my credit cards. I don't mind. I hacked into this guy's bank account in Sweden."

Robbie finds that rather disturbing, but he's been trying to be more supportive of Sinjin. "I think you could find a girl that doesn't use you for someone's stolen money," he says.

Sinjin looks doubtful.

"Maybe we can make you an online dating profile," Robbie considers. Jade has signed him up for Hearts & Handcuffs as a joke, and sometimes burly bikers from Washington will call his phone. Some of them must be girls, he thinks. He thinks Sinjin could use a strong-willed girl who isn't afraid to speak what she wants and get physical.

"I don't know," says Sinjin. "Not like it will ever happen, but I don't really have time for a girlfriend. Mostly I spend my time studying. I'm taking nine classes this year, you know. And I proctor a class over at CCU."

"Really?' says Robbie, impressed. He wonders if it would be uncouth of him to introduce Sinjin to Rainah. They could spend their time not hanging out and could text each other Algorithms as jokes.

Then the room to the auditorium is opening and Tori and Alison are peering inside. Robbie waves at them. They wave back, and slowly start their way across the large room. Sinjin looks happy at the thought of girls coming over.

"We're waiting for Beck to be done practicing," Ali says. "I think he'll want to get something to eat, because he always does. Has he talked to you about Mexico yet? Also, hi, Robbie! Hi Sinjin!"

Robbie and Sinjin echo her sentiments, and Robbie feels a little depressed, thinking about Mexico. It's Beck's new thing – with spring break coming up in the middle of March, he has this idea that he, Andre, and Robbie are all going to drive down to Mexico as some sort of extended bromance weekend and run around on sandy beaches chasing Mexicali girls all day and night.

"We have girlfriends here," Robbie had told him, feeling doubtful and not very excited to go to Mexico at all.

Beck had waved a hand at him like he was saying, _details!_ "But we can still _look_ at the Mexicali girls," he'd said.

"Yes, I've heard about Mexico," says Robbie. Beck will carry on for the entire duration of their study hall together. Yesterday Robbie hadn't even been able to finish his sandwich (sometimes he needs to eat lunch early because Jade needs help with her math homework during their lunch period – in other words, she needs him to do her math homework for her, and he wouldn't have time to eat), and the day before that Beck had actually gotten them _kicked out_ of the library yelling about some place called Puerto Penasco.

"You aren't going to Mexico," says Jade, coming up alongside the group. She puts her hand on Robbie's arm and smiles rather prettily, Robbie thinks. "Hi Tori," she says.

Tori looks scared and nervous, as she tends to do so now whenever she is alone with Robbie or alone with Robbie and Jade, because Jade has her convinced that Robbie is a sexual deviant who likes ropes and handcuffs and being dominated. Last week, Jade had left her scarf in his car, and when he'd driven the girls to the mall, Jade had told Tori that she gags him with it! Robbie had, as usual, nearly driven off the road, shouting protests.

Jade is a horrible person. He really needs to talk to Tori and clear this up with her.

"Hi Jade," says Tori, and steps back a little to move behind Alison, which does absolutely nothing because Ali's so short. "I guess we should go find Beck," she says nervously, and clings to Ali.

Jade smiles. He should chastise her or something, but she's leaning on him right now, which is nice, and she'll do what she wants anyway.

Sinjin looks hopeful, so Ali squeaks, "D'you want to come with us to Goodburger, Sin?"

Beck has picked a wonderful lady.

SinJin looks happy. Jade and Tori do not. They find Steve Strickland being a delinquent out in the hall and Robbie invites him too, hoping to appease Tori, who seems happier, but still afraid that Robbie is going to – like, he doesn't even _know._ Send her obscene text messages or start slavering over a dog collar or something.

At, once again, a restaurant where Robbie can't really eat anything, Beck scarfs down three cheeseburgers and yells about sandy beaches and tequila and bonfire-lit volleyball courts. Jade looks murderous.

"Robbie can't drink," she says.

"You don't own him!" cries Beck around a mouthful of french fries.

Tori, Ali, SinJin, and Strickland watch the argument with interest.

"She does a little," says Robbie, and Jade smirks. He wonders how he can wordlessly convey to Beck the fact that he has just discovered the wonders of breasts, and that he would like to spend the majority of his spring break exploring this discovery.

Beck just looks wounded and doesn't pick up on Robbie's telepathic signals at all. "Don't you want to have any fun before you die, Rob?"

"If I go to Mexico I'll probably die."

"What's in Mexico anyway?" snarls Jade.

Beck stares at them. "Tequila!" he yells again.

"Robbie _can't drink!_" Jade yells, and Beck looks affronted again, and it just keeps going from there. Robbie uses the opportunity to steal some of Jade's french fries.

**Author's Note: Yay for quick passage of time, and I had SO MUCH fun writing this chapter. I've made Robbie go through so much so it's lovely to write these silly chapters wherein the worst thing that happens is Robbie listens to Jewel. Too bad it can't last!  
**

**Blink and you'll miss the fact that Robbie has actually gotten to second base! :) I tried to make it tasteful. Jade, however, is not tasteful, and will probably continue to make Tori's life a living hell by yelling about handcuffs.**


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter Fifty-Eight**

He does go to Mexico, though.

Beck actually _comes to his house_ and talks to his mother about it! Mom had initially been very wary about the plans, saying it was lucky that Robbie had a passport at all and, oh god, her little boy alone in a strange country where he can't even drink the water, what _else_ can he drink, oh the types of characters that could be wandering around, and that a trio of seventeen to-eighteen year old boys who can barely speak the native language just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

"Darn it," Robbie had said happily. "I guess I can't go."

Then Beck comes over while Robbie's at work and Mom bitches (oh my god! He can't believe he actually thought that word! He's spending too much time with Jade) Robbie out for a bit because Beck had made her late to her court hearing, but then later she's drinking her wine in the kitchen and looking mulling and saying, "Well, you are almost eighteen. I suppose we have to cut the cord sometime, right?"

"No," says Robbie. "I'm all right with the cord being where it is. It doesn't need to be cut. It doesn't need to go to Mexico."

"Hmm," says Mom, and looks out the window. "You can go with your friends, Robert."

Robbie just stares at her. "Mom," he says in horror, "did Beck _charm_ you?"

Mom laughs at him and calls him ridiculous and drinks her wine, but Robbie remains a little bit unconvinced - he's seen Beck in action. Stronger women have fallen prey to his wiles! But, geez, his own mother? He feels like Beck's just broken all sorts of guy codes with this one.

"I did not charm her!" Beck tells him later that night on the phone, sounding pleased with himself anyhow. "I simply explained the predicament."

"What predicament was that?" asks Robbie.

"That I want you to go to Mexico."

Robbie sighs.

"Then all it took was a little bit of eyebrow waving and two hair flips. I told you to let me worry about your mom, Rob-Man!"

"Do you think your hair flips will still work on Jade?" he asks, reminding Beck of the other important lady in Robbie's life who does not want him to go to Mexico.

Beck's quiet, thinking about it.

Robbie squeaks. "Beck!" he cries. "Don't actually flip your hair at Jade! Are you crazy? I can't lose her!"

"You're such a weirdo." Beck laughs at him. "And hey, does your mom really think my name is _Brock?_"

* * *

Jade is pretty upset that he's spending seven days of their two-week vacation away from her, but she only shows it by yelling at him constantly and punching Beck a lot.

"I cannot believe you are going to leave me with Tori for a whole _week,_" Jade sneers at him and Cat, who's going to San Francisco to visit with her uncle and uncle again the day after the boys leave. Cat looks a little guilty as she drinks her soda. The three of them are together at Goodburger once more after school one day.

"I'll miss you a lot, too," says Robbie, sad. Part of him does want to go, but mostly he wants to stay and spend time with Jade. Everyone's been sort of making plans around him, though – and, after all, Beck _is_ his best friend, and it's only for a week.

Jade throws her napkin at his face, and it flutters ineffectively into his french fries. "I won't miss you!" she hollers. "It's just that between the two of you, you're the better option than Tori!"

Cat smiles and Robbie says, "Oh, of course."

Jade starts digging through her purse. "I wrote you a list," she tells him, but before he can get happy, thinking it's more facts that she likes about him, she adds, "a list of things you can't do in Mexico."

"Oh," he says, taking the paper from her. Most of them are things he wouldn't do anyway, such as drinking alcohol or hitting on other girls. There's a lot of things about girls on the list, like that he can't sit in the backseat of a car with girls, be alone in hot tubs with girls, or go swimming with girls - or actually go swimming at all after, it's dark out.

"There could be sharks," Jade says when he comments on this one.

"Or girls," Cat adds, and giggles. Jade shoots her an irritated look.

"All right," Robbie frowns doubtfully. It makes him feel weird that Jade thinks she needs to write all these no-girl rules down for him – it makes him feel sort of bad. She_ must_ be partly joking with all of her jealousy, in some Jade-like and sardonic way, but he thinks that she's mostly serious.

Why does she think he'd want to go swimming with some other girl? Sometimes when the guys are all hanging out, Beck and Andre will be talking about the girls in their classes, and oh my god the sweater Marie was wearing today, oh my god it was a glorious sweater, and Robbie generally has absolutely no idea what they are talking about because, well – honestly, he doesn't need to even look at other girls, since he has the prettiest one. But then when he tells Jade things like that, she just punches him!

At least he gets to look at her while she's punching him.

Later it turns out that Jefferson is rather upset with him, too. "So you'll just be gone for a whole week?" he cries, and wrings his hands at Robbie in an agitated way. "But you said you would play all the Donkey Kongs with me! You said!"

"I'm sorry, Jeff," Robbie says sincerely. "I'll still be around a lot the week after that. And hey, maybe Jade will play it with you while I'm gone."

"Yeah right," says Jade, walking past the room to the kitchen without lifting her head from the book she's been reading. It's after school again and Robbie's spent the last hour in the living room with Jeff, watching Power Rangers with him in an attempt to soften the blow. "It's going to be seventy degrees next week. I'm going to be laying by the pool for like six days."

Robbie feels very jealous of the pool. Stupid Mexico!

Jeff looks badly upset. He looks like – Robbie thinks very hard to accurately describe in his mind what it is Jeff looks like – he looks like the way Robbie'd felt when he'd heard Drake and Josh was being canceled! Robbie feels terrible.

"You don't need me here to have fun," he consoles. "You've got tons of stuff to do. What about your combat training?"

Jeff frowns severely and doesn't say anything.

"Buddy?" Robbie prods gently, patting Jeff's shoulder.

"Don't try and use your pet names on me, Robbie!" squeals Jeff, and runs off to his room. He slams his door twice, probably to ensure that Robbie knows just how upset with him he is.

Feeling sad, Robbie wanders into the kitchen, where Jade's sitting on the counter and eating ice cream out of the carton. "Your brother hates me now," he says, coming to stand in front of her.

Jade rolls her eyes. "He'll get over it," she says, and absently reaches out and tugs at one of the belt loops on his jeans. Then she picks up her spoon again and continues to eat her ice cream, still holding her book in one hand.

He watches her read for a few seconds, brows drawn down as her eyes move across the page. Currently she appears to be about a hundred or so pages into The Conqueror Worms, a rather shitty (her word, not Robbie's) paperback horror novel and it must be getting good, because she doesn't look up right away.

"What's it about?" Robbie had asked earlier.

Jade had given him a withering look. "What do you think?" she'd asked.

She's changed out of the dress she was wearing at school and now has on jeans and her cut-up Rolling Stones t-shirt, which continues to be a shirt that makes Robbie have all sorts of feelings. Very often, he is still struck by Jade – all of Jade, her wit and abrasiveness, the flash of her eyes and bright skin. The fact that she is apparently struck by him in any regard is still fairly overwhelming. The evolution of their relationship is an incredible thing to him. Somehow, all of the things in his life – the bad moments, the weird and awkward moments – have brought him to this girl, to feel this way, and hopefully for her to feel the same.

Now she looks up from her book to glower at him.

"What?" she snaps.

There are too many thoughts in his head, thoughts that he can't really put into words.

"You're pretty," he says, because she is.

Jade jabs at him with her spoon and gets chocolate ice cream on his collar. "Go away! " she tells him. "Go do my math homework!" He just leans in, and Jade's eyes widen in incredulity. "You can't kiss me right now! What are you doing? You'll have an allergic reaction!"

He kisses her anyway.

* * *

Everyone hangs out in Beck's RV the night before the boys go to Mexico. Robbie wishes they were taking the RV down, but instead they're taking Robbie's Honda, which won't cost about a million dollars in gas and is bigger than Beck's convertible. Andre goes on and on about how cool it is that Beck's dad is funding their trip. Cat uses the time as an opportunity to take a million of pictures of everyone (why does she always have to snap the photo when Robbie is eating? Why? There's thirty new pictures on Splashface of him with chips falling out of his mouth!) and to sit too close to Andre.

Robbie and Jade get to Beck's house sort of early because Beck wants to see what Robbie's packed for the trip. Beck has also, rather nicely, bought him some sunscreen. Jade's bought him sunscreen as well, and so has Sophia, and his mother. With the addition of Beck's, Robbie thinks he might be safe from the sun for about four days.

Beck picks at Robbie's wardrobe while Jade goes to smoke outside and Ali follows her, which means they're talking about super secret girl stuff out there. Beck doesn't seem bothered, though. "Why did you pack all long sleeves?" he demands. "No one cares about your dumb arms!"

"I care about them," says Robbie. He feels sort of embarrassed to be talking about it. "Anyway, I'll get sunburned. I'm going to get sunburned anyway." He sighs in resignation of this.

Beck claps him on the shoulder in that way that he probably thinks is consoling. Then the girls are coming back in and Ali starts pestering Beck to clean up his dirty clothes because his friends are all going to be here soon and he's such a slob. Jade comes and sits next to Robbie on Beck's bed as Beck and Ali hear the sound of another car pull up and run outside to see who else has gotten here.

"Jade, my shoulders hurt," Robbie whines, because they do since he'd had a whole couch dropped on him at work last night, but mostly because he wants her to touch him. "My back hurts."

Jade makes a horrible face at him. "You are such a _baby,_" she says.

"My vertebrae!" Robbie says desolately. Jade punches him in the side, but then she rubs his shoulders until Tori, Andre, and Ali burst into the room, looking at them suspiciously.

Shenanigans are had, and the next morning Beck makes a big deal out of saying goodbye to Ali, carting her around everywhere in his arms and looking all mournful even though this trip is his idea and Robbie knows he's elated. Robbie himself feels sort of awkward because he doesn't think Jade will let him carry her around the yard, and also he isn't that strong anyway.

Jade pulls him over to the side of the house as Ali's shrieking and Andre is probably doing something evil to Robbie's radio, like setting it to the reggae channel. Jade glowers at him. She looks cute in her pajamas.

"Don't have too much fun," she warns him.

"I won't," he says. It's true since she won't be with him.

She glares some more, so he plays with her hair. Then: "Oh," Jade says suddenly, and bats his hand away. "I have something for you." She pulls her messenger bag off her shoulder to dig around in it, and pulls out – the Tarzan soundtrack.

"Um," says Robbie, holding the green case in his hands and looking at it. "Thank you?" He appreciates the sentiment, maybe – he does enjoy a good ballad or ten, but he doesn't think that Beck and Andre will be particularly pumped to listen to Phil Collins on the drive -

"Open it, moron," says Jade.

He does. It's a mix CD!

"Did you make this for me?" he asks.

"Maybe," says Jade, looking grumpy. "I _told_ you it wasn't mine."

Robbie feels happy. No one's ever made him a mix CD before. Andre and Beck have been getting them from girls since _middle school! _He thinks of how upset Jade had been when he'd found the Tarzan case in her car – he doesn't even remember when that had been. Maybe a year ago! "Was this really in your car for so long?" he asks, and then before she can answer him, he excitedly asks, "Are there love songs on it?"

"No," says Jade, looking more grumpy. "Look, I made it a while ago – I guess when you were being depressed about Cat last year, then she got a hold of it, then it was back in my car. It was a _long time ago_. I thought you could use some cheering up. And I was bored."

"Why didn't you give this to me before?"

Jade appears to hesitate before she says, "I didn't want you to get the wrong idea," which he takes to mean there are totally love songs on it. "But you're a dork and you need to listen to better music."

"I love you," he says, being very bold because she has all of her clothes on and he can't use being overwhelmed as an excuse.

"Yeah," says Jade, looking grumpy. "Remember about the hot tubs."

He just looks at her hopefully.

"Ugh," says Jade. "Don't make me _say it_, Shapiro." She twists her hands in his pink shirt. "Cat and Tori are waiting for me." The girls want to go and have breakfast.

"They can wait," he says, and kisses her for a while.

* * *

Onwards down the highway. They follow the coast for a long while and even though there's the rule of driver picks the music, Robbie keeps Bob Marley on the station, and Andre looks happy from where he's sprawled in the backseat, eating candy that Cat's packed for him.

Beck sighs heavily and stares hard at Robbie's speedometer, which has been staying steady at fifty-five miles per hour. Robbie ignores him, so he sighs again a little louder.

"Jade says I can't go faster than this," says Robbie without looking away from the road.

Beck looks at him incredulously. "What?" he says.

"I have a list of rules that I have to follow," Robbie says, and dares to remove a hand from the steering wheel to tap at his shirt pocket where it's being kept.

"Why can't you go to the bullfights?" Beck demands, after grabbing the list out of his shirt and skimming it.

"Because seeing poor animals like that in captivity gets me all worked up!" Robbie huffs impatiently. "Don't you remember the class trip to the zoo? I could have another asthma attack! The dry heat won't help it any either. _Jade _says - "

Beck is just laughing at him. "You guys are so weird," he says.

Everything goes okay for, like, a day and a half, until right after they get into Mexico and Beck wants to take the scenic route down these back roads and he uses the fact that Robbie's distracted with his phone to speed and he runs over a pothole and somehow blows out a front _and_ back tire, and they're just stuck on this dirt road for like three hours in the horrible Mexican sun with Robbie and Andre alternately yelling at Beck until they're rescued by a farmer named Edberto and his two daughters.

Jade doesn't answer her phone, so he calls her house line, and then Sophia screams at Beck for a little while (throughout the whole vacation, Robbie talks to Jade and her brother on the phone pretty frequently, and Sophia this once, as well as his sister and Cat. For some reason, Andre and Beck are never able to differentiate who he's speaking to, and it becomes this weird sort of running gag), then Jade gets on the line and screams at Robbie for a little while before he is able to tell her that the daughters are ages three and seven.

The farmer gives them a lift back to his house, and thankfully he speaks English – only some, and it is very broken, but it's more than any of them can speak Spanish – and he gives them the number to call for a tow truck and order tires. They're still over a hundred miles from the beach and hotel that Beck has booked them for, and they're resigning themselves for a night or two spent sleeping in Robbie's car, but thankfully Edberto and his wife are the nicest people ever and they let the boys stay in their guest room and even feed them a little and Robbie keeps waiting for them to be vampires or something but they're just normal, thank god. He and Beck and Andre keep saying _gracias_ to them and trying to offer money before they realize they're probably offending them by doing this and stop.

It takes _two days_ for someone to bring the tires out to them and then it takes all three boys another whole day putting them on. In the meantime the boys help outdoors with chores. They paint Edberto's fence while Robbie develops the worst sunburn of his life and he and Andre continue to spend most of the time shouting at Beck, who is so cowed that he barely even yells back.

After the first day Robbie gets over being upset – he understands that Beck feels terrible, and really, the farm is sort of pretty, and it reminds him a little of being in Uruguay with Cat and Jade - so he stops yelling. He eats a lot of rice and feels happy as he daydreams about opening a guava farm.

Robbie serenely feeds some goats that evening as Edberto's daughters, Carla and Teresa, bounce around him and teach him Spanish words. In the background, Beck and Andre are running around and shrieking because they found a rattlesnake, but it turns out to just be the shed skin of one (Robbie puts it in his suitcase to give to Jade, and Andre freaks out some more and rearranges their luggage so that his suitcase isn't touching Robbie's). He learns that "novia" means "girlfriend." He shows the girls pictures of Jade on his phone and they gasp happily and exclaim over her colored hair.

Andre falls into deep infatuation with cute neighbor girl Maria and spends two nights chasing her around and doing God knows what (actually, God probably doesn't know what). Beck and Robbie walk into the village while Andre is out romancing his girl and see the sights – one lonely tavern and a grocery store. Beck looks cool drinking a beer while Robbie waves smoke out of his face and uses his inhaler multiple times.

"The flora in this region is unbearable," Robbie says. "The pollen count, Beck! Where is this dry air that was promised?"

Beck looks concerned.

When they finally get to Puerto Penasco and settle into their hotel, The Princesca, it's practically a freaking brothel with girls in bikinis everywhere and a bar on the beach and of course Beck and Andre are 18 so they get drinks right away and Robbie wouldn't be drinking alcohol even if it was legal for him here so he sits sadly on the beach. He covers himself in sunscreen and hides under two towels and plays Scrabble on his phone with Cat while Beck flits here and there, exclaiming over things. Robbie buys Jefferson a lollipop with a cricket in it.

Jade sends him pictures of the new bra she's bought, and, oh, he hates his life.

Andre falls into a deep infatuation with hotel suite neighbor Leanna and spends three days and three nights running around doing God knows what as Robbie and Beck explore the beaches and try to surf. Robbie has to run out of the water and back onto the beach whenever a girl swims closer than ten feet to him. Jade will know! Beck makes friends with everyone and drags Robbie along for his adventures. Robbie gets pushed into various pools _seven times!_ "My sunburn!" he cries to everything.

In between bouts of romancing Leanna, Andre will show up sporadically to eat dinner with him and Beck and they have manly heart-to-hearts about girls. Andre and Beck try to pull out details of Robbie's sexual prowess with Jade, but he doesn't tell them much, because – well, there isn't very much to tell yet. Beck and Andre are surprised, for some reason, and Robbie is offended. What, do they think Jade is some sort of - of _loose woman_? They've only been dating for four months, for the sake of Moses's gilded walking stick!

Andre and Beck laugh hysterically. Beck cries slightly.

"Gilded walking stick," Andre says.

"Did he have that?" Beck manages. "Did you read that somewhere, Rob? I always thought he was, you know, sort of an oppressed dude."

"It was for _emphasis,_" snits Robbie.

On the last night at their hotel he has to hide Andre's phone and chase him all over the beach when he steals Robbie's to prevent him from calling Cat and singing bad love songs to her. Beck sits in the cold sand drinking drinks out of little coconuts and laughing at them and not helping Robbie prevent Andre from making a fool of himself _at all_.

"What about Maria?" cries Robbie, desperately wrestling his phone from Andre's grip. "What about Leanna?"

"Just one song, Robbie!" Andre is hollering, and lunges at him and they topple onto the beach. Robbie screams long and high in fear. "One song and I'll win her back!"

"I think you broke my vertebrae!" Robbie hollers. "Beck! My first aid kit!"

Beck just laughs some more and slurps at his coconut.

* * *

They get back to town late on Sunday night, a day behind schedule and very cramped from spending a collective 19 hours in Robbie's car, aside from two stops for ice cream on Andre's request and several bathroom breaks. When he texts Jade to tell her that they're back, she immediately requests that he ditch Beck by the roadside and come and see her. _But it's almost eleven! _he texts her.

_I think you can evade the curfew police, you wild thing,_ Jade responds, and Robbie grins at his phone.

Beck frowns quizzically. "Cat?" he says. "Jefferson? President Obama?"

When he gets to Jade's, she answers the door and drags him inside, and she jumps on him, which is nice but rather bold of her, since she is wearing the smallest shorts ever. He squeaks as she kisses him for a while.

Then she pulls back and glares at him.

"You were in a pool with blonde girls," she says, and he recoils. How does she _know?_

Jade's father wanders by the hallway in his robe, and Robbie nearly drops her in mortification. Mr West frowns, but not that hugely.

"Dad, Robbie's staying over," Jade says, starting to tug Robbie towards the steps.

"All right," is all Mr West says. "Robbie, please be continue to be altruistic. Jade, if you would please - put some pants on."

Jade just laughs as she pulls Robbie upstairs.

"Oh my god," says Robbie in horror. "Your dad saw us. I was almost touching your _butt._" Jade laughs some more. "Is he letting me stay over!" Robbie yelps. "Is he going to kill me in the night!"

"I'm eighteen," Jade says happily. "He lets me do what I want."

"What do you want to do?" Robbie asks in a great nervousness, but then Jefferson hollers and barrels out of his room and dives at Robbie in a side tackle.

"Robbie!" he says in elation as Robbie peels himself off the wall. Jeff is strong. "You didn't die in Mexico! I thought you might!"

Jade shoves her brother. "Go away!" she hisses, as not to wake her stepmother. "It's grown-up time!"

"Gross, Jade!" Jeff hollers happily. "You can show Robbie your underwear later!" Jade's mouth drops open. "Robbie!" he says. "I have my Nintendo all set up downstairs. I've been waiting for you! Jade played Yoshi's Island with me!"

"Did she?" Robbie says, grinning, as Jeff tries to tug him back down the steps. He looks at Jade hopefully.

"Oh whatever," Jade growls, and follows them, Jeff chattering on happily.

"Jade took me to the mall!" he says when they're downstairs and in the den. Jade and Robbie situate themselves on the couch while Jeff runs back and forth, setting up Donkey Kong. "Tori was there! Jade says that Tori is an android, but I don't know what that is! I like her!" Jade looks pained, and lays her head on Robbie's shoulder.

"Jade bought me an ice cream sundae," says Jeff in reverence. "Do they have ice cream in Mexico? Does it have bacteria? Oh, you can't eat that anyway. I choked on the sundae, but Jade saved me." He pauses to look at her lovingly.

"Oh god, can't you shut up and play your stupid game?" Jade growls, as Robbie kisses the side of her face. Life is really good, and he'll get to play Donkey Kong for like an hour before Jeff conks out and then he gets to _sleep in Jade's room_. Probably in her bed!

Life is really good. He spends a rather disturbing majority of the rest of spring break in Jade's room. They eat a lot of chocolate. She teaches him to play Gears of War. He gets to see her new bra, and then he gets to see her new bra on the floor. She isn't even in that bad of a mood when school starts again.

Then Dad gets really sick, and, oh, Robbie's been letting himself forget, and life sort of goes to hell for a little bit.

**Author's Note: First off, I'm so unhappy with this chapter, but I've been playing with it for a few days (I actually have the rest of this written, but I need to edit like a monster) and it isn't going to get much better. I know I didn't go into the Mexico details very much, but about a month ago I promised spinlight some Robbie/Beck bromance, and I have the first few chapters of a Beck POV story that takes place during this trip, so later you'll get to read about that from his perspective, and it is funny, god damn it! I spent too much time on group moments as usual, but everything I put in here is for a reason anyway. I have a bunch of adjoining stories I'd like to follow this piece but who knows if I'll write them.**

**Once again, thanks to all of my reviewers – new and old! Also, huge props to Cenobite for helping me out with the HorrorCon scenes a few chapters back – I forgot to thank you before!**


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter Fifty-Nine**

Since school's been back in session everyone's starting to itch for summer and college acceptance letters are coming in the mail. He and Tori are going to the same university nearby! Tori says she wants to be a veterinarian. Robbie thinks that's so nice. He thinks Tori would really excel at a profession like that.

"You would," Jade says darkly.

Cat gets into Sarah Lawrence. Andre looks depressed as Cat squeals over the whole cafeteria, and Beck appears rather surprised at the news, but Ali and Jade hit him before he can express this verbally. Beck himself has gotten accepted into a pretty prestigious acting school. It's in Southern California, so he'll still be close enough to stay with Ali, and he'll basically get to be in front of a live audience all the time, which is his dream anyway.

Robbie feels fretful about Cat's potential move to New York. He doesn't like to think of Cat by herself all the way across country in a dangerous city. She could get mugged, he says. Or worse! He uses his inhaler for emphasis and next to him, for some strange reason, Jade looks pained.

"What's wrong?" he asks her, shaking his inhaler hard and then taking another puff.

"Nothing," says Jade drolly. "You're just … so cool."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Robbie cries, and then coughs, because his inhaler makes him gag sometimes.

Cat just laughs at him. "I'll be with my brother, Robbie!" she says, which only further worries him. The rest of the world isn't like their idyllic Nickelodeon-eqsue hometown, he tells her. She needs to start being more careful.

"Like you're one to talk!" Tori says, looking up from where she's frantically editing her history essay.

Things have been better with Tori since they'd had a heart-to-heart one night. He'd been at Jade's house when Tori had called her (it was nearing eight o'clock, and Jade claims that she'd only answered because she'd thought it was Cat, calling so that they could watch Gossip Girl together), sounding panicked because she had gone to meet Trina up in LA for a concert and had somehow managed to lose her whole purse with her tickets and money and everything. Now she was lost by the train station and there was a homeless man next to her eating a hamburger out of the _trash_ and Trina had run off and left her for some guy that had tattoos on his_ face_.

Jade had looked happy throughout the duration of the phone call, then she'd sent Robbie to go and collected Tori once they'd hung up.

"You don't want to go?" he'd asked doubtfully.

Jade made her sour lemon face. "I don't want to see Vega," she'd said. "And, hello? Show's about to come on." She'd gestured at the TV, and then her phone had rung again, and Robbie watches as it lights up, this time displaying a picture of Cat's smiling face. Jade looked at him pointedly as if to say, _see?_

So he'd driven to LA and he'd gotten Tori, and he was sort of happy throughout all of it, because Jade doesn't let him talk at _all _during Gossip Girl so he just stares hopelessly around while she and Cat giggle for an hour and exclaim over Blake's shoes and oh dear god, he even knows their _names_ now! And it's nice to hang out with Tori again even though they'd almost gotten arrested twice and had had to track Trina down throughout the whole city solely based on her frequent Splashface updates, because it meant that Jade trusted him to be alone with her. He'd also finally gotten to talk to Tori and had explained to her that Jade is just very insecure, and no, she does not actually pour burning candle wax onto his bare and willing chest. Tori had been immensely relieved.

Now she's getting sort of worked up, though. "You stayed at a complete stranger's house in Mexico for three nights!" she cries. "You could have been abducted! Anything could have happened!"

"Oh, a lot of things happened," says Jade loftily, and slurps at her soda. "Right, Andre?"

Andre sinks a bit lower in his chair and shoots her a dark look as Cat frown hugely. No one will tell her what happened in Mexico with Leanna or Maria.

"I wish you hadn't thrown out your textbooks," Robbie frowns to distract Jade, who will regret baiting Cat later. After Jade had gotten her acceptance letter to Berkeley, she'd made a big display out of tossing her math and history books into the trash can in the hallway.

"I'm not doing any more homework!" she'd said defiantly while Robbie had stared in dismay at the utter defilement of school property. He'd ran back to the trash can after class and managed to salvage her math book, but European History was a goner, probably taken by some happy kid who'd lost their own book. Doesn't Jade know she'll have to pay for those books once they graduate?

"Don't care," she had said. Robbie had huffed sadly.

Well, that was that, and now he and Tori have been commissioned to do Jade's math homework for her, because Robbie makes out with her and Jade tells Tori if she does problems 33 – 42 for her then maybe she won't hate her so much, and Tori happily does them, then looks crushed when Jade snatches her notebook up and says, "Thanks for nothing, Vega!"

Poor Tori. At least Jade makes out with him. All Tori gets is the verbal abuse.

* * *

One day that next week, Jade comes to school with a black eye.

"Oh my God!" Robbie screams, and runs across the hall to her, stopping short very close in front of her. Jade just looks furiously at him as be gingerly frames her face in his hands. "What happened to you?"

"Jeff hit me with the end of a tennis racket," she says gruffly, and Robbie gasps in shock and horror. Jade makes an irritated sound, spilling some of her coffee on him as she squirms a little in his grasp. "It's not a big deal. He didn't _mean to_ do it."

"He could have blinded you!" Robbie says, running his finger sadly near her eyebrow, where there's a little red line, close to the silver stud that cuts through her brow.

"Yeah," says Jade. "Well, I shouldn't have sneak-attacked him like that. I threw him over the couch." Then she looks happy, and spills some more of her hot coffee on him as she bats his hands away. "It's okay, though. Sophia grounded him for like a month."

Cat comes up then, and just gazes at Jade, completely unfazed. "Jeff finally got you?" she asks.

"Yeah," Jade says again, and seems inexorably proud of her little brother. "He's getting sort of good. Maybe there's hope for him after all."

Cat looks proud of him too. Girls are _so_ weird.

Beck absolutely screams when he sees Jade, and he actually shoves Robbie away from her, like he's the one who's done it or something! "Who did this to you?" he demands, as Robbie squawks and shoves him back, affronted.

Jade growls and shoves at Beck too. "It was just Jeff," she says tightly. "Don't worry about it."

Beck looks upset. "That kid is trouble," he says darkly.

"Oh what do you know about it?" Jade hollers. Jefferson is sort of a really sore subject between her and Beck – Robbie doesn't really know why. Maybe because Jeff had once put glue in Beck's shampoo bottle. It makes him a little sad, though, that Beck can't see what a cool little kid Jeff is.

Aside from assaulting his sister, that is. And the shampoo thing. Robbie's sure the glue incident was all in good fun, though. Poor Jeff!

When he goes to Jade's later that week the house is really quiet and Jeff is actually in his room.

"He's that grounded?" Robbie asks, surprised. "He has to just stay in his room?"

"No," Jade says, and looks happy again. "He's sick. He's quarantined."

"What's he sick with?" Robbie cries.

"Who cares?" says Jade. "Mumps. Measles. I dunno, kid stuff."

"Measles?" Robbie cries in distress, and Jade laughs at him.

"Not really," she says. "I dunno. Leave him alone - he's contagious." She tosses her bookbag – very light now because she's refusing to bring any books home – down onto her bedroom floor. "I'll be right back," she says. "I gotta ask my dad something. Be naked and ready when I return." Robbie turns purple even though he knows she's just teasing him, and Jade laughs at him and pats his cheek and leaves the room.

Robbie hears Jeff moan pitifully from his own bedroom, probably hearing Jade walk past, and he sneaks out into the hallway and peers into Jeff's room.

"Hey buttercup," he says.

"Robbie," Jeff, who's completely hidden under three blankets, moans, "Robbie, I'm _dying._"

"I really doubt that," Robbie says.

"I _could_ die." Jeff sounds aggrieved. "Robbie," he says, "I need chocolate. Do you have any chocolate?"

"Um," says Robbie. "Do you want M&Ms?" He has a pack in his jacket that he'd confiscated from Cat earlier.

Jeff sighs heavily. "That might do," he says, so Robbie sneaks into the room and places them in Jeff's outstretched hand. Jeff's arm snakes back under his blanket cocoon and Robbie can hear crinkling as the bag is torn open.

"When I'm president of the universe," Jeff tells him, "I'll let you have Switzerland."

Robbie smiles. "I don't want Switzerland."

"They have good_ chocolate,_" says Jeff from under his blanket.

"I can't really eat chocolate."

"Oh yeah." Jeff sounds immensely sad for him. "Well, you can have whatever country it is that grows the most soy beans."

"Thanks," says Robbie. "That's really sweet of you."

"I'll be a good ruler," says the blanket monster that is Jeff, in great whimsy.

"Shapiro!" Jade snaps, popping her head into the room. "Get out of there! Don't convalesce with the enemy!"

"Jade," intones Jeff pitifully, "please don't be mad at me because I am a better warrior than you. I'm _sick_ now. I could die." He moans again, and the M&Ms bag crinkles.

"What do you have under there?" Jade demands. "What did Robbie give you?"

"Nothing!" squeals Jeff.

"Did you give him candy?" Jade demands. "Did he give you candy? You're not allowed to be happy right now! You're _grounded!_"

"Get out of my room then!" cries Jeff. "_SOPHIA!_"

Then Dad gets sick and Robbie's been such a horrible son, he hasn't even gone to see Dad more than once since spring break and he's been too busy with his friends and he feels horrible and he very nearly messes everything up.

* * *

Mom is home early one afternoon and she's changed out of her work clothes and is leaving the house to go somewhere as Robbie comes home from picking Jess up from soccer practice.

"Your father is ill," she says as she's sliding her purse over one shoulder. "I'm going to meet with his doctor. Can you make yourselves dinner?"

Jess and Robbie stare at her with their mouths open.

"Ill with what?" Jess demands.

"It's nothing, it's - " Mom looks very tired. "He has a bad cough, it might be pneumonia. Really, you shouldn't worry. I'm just going there to discuss it with his doctor."

"I want to see him!" cries Jess. "I want to go with you!" She sends Robbie a scared and wild look. "Robbie?"

"Yeah," he manages. "I want to go too."

"That's not necessary," Mom says. "Robbie – you have schoolwork, and Jessica - well, you're filthy! You need to get changed first, and I'm meeting with the doctor in - " she checks her watch - "twenty minutes. I really don't have the time to wait - "

"We'll meet you there," Robbie says firmly.

Mom hesitates for a moment, looking like she wants to protest, but then she gives in, nodding once. "All right." She bites her lip, which is a sign that she wants to say more, but she doesn't. "Be careful driving."

Then she leaves.

Jess and Robbie get into gear without really saying much. Jess just stands and looks at him for a long moment, seemingly lost, then she sort of jerks and heads quickly upstairs to change. Robbie stays still for a moment, too, not knowing what to do, then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone.

"I can't come over tonight," he says to Jade when she answers a few moments later.

Jade sounds sort of mad at him, which is mildly upsetting. "Why not?" she demands. "Do you not want to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer? She doesn't_ stay_ dead, Robbie."

"No, no, it's not that," he says quickly, not allowing himself to think of poor dead Buffy. He'd gotten a little misty at the last episode they'd watched, much to Jade's eternal glee. "It's just – my dad is sick? Jessie and I are going to see him."

"Oh," says Jade, sounding upset now, and sort of confused. "What's wrong with him?"

"He might have pneumonia."

"Oh," says Jade again. "Is that really bad? Why does he … ?"

"Because his brain is dying," Robbie says shortly. He doesn't really know what else to say – Jade won't know everything about his father's illness like he does, so she won't know that Alzheimer's patients grow more susceptible to getting sick as they lose control of their bodily functions and grow weaker, and that pneumonia is one of these common sicknesses and can be a really big deal. He doesn't have the time or the energy to explain these things to her. Maybe if she cared more she would research it herself.

"Okay," Jade says in a halting manner. "Do you want - ? Um. Are you going to be at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I think so," he tells her tiredly. "I'm really sorry – like, I want to see you ..."

"It's okay," Jade interrupts. "I mean, go see him. I'm sorry."

"Okay," he says, and hangs up. He sits down on the edge of the sofa and he waits in silence for Jess to get dressed and come back downstairs, and when she does they head out to his car in silence, and don't really speak on the way there, either.

At the nursing home, Robbie and his sister stand awkwardly in the hall and peer in at their mother, who's talking quietly to the facility's doctor as Dad lays in bed, his breathing slow and laboring and he keeps rumbling off into these watery and horrible little coughing noises and he looks small and pale and weak.

Mom talks to the doctor for a long time. Robbie feels oddly and inexorably young while he's waiting for her to finish, like a little kid waiting on attention.

It sucks.

Mom is brief with them when the doctor leaves and she walks out of Dad's room. "They're just going to watch him for a few days," she says.

"Is it bad?" Robbie asks. "Does he have pneumonia?"

"They think it's just an infection," Mom says, and Robbie looks incredulous and cries, "They _think?_"

"Robert!" says Mom, annoyed at him, and he feels cowed, because she looks very tired, and this is his dad, yeah, but it's also her _husband_. "Your _tone._ Anyway, it's not very bad yet. They're giving him medicine. He'll be fine."

Behind them, Dad gives out another one of those horrible watery coughs.

"He isn't going to the hospital?" Jess looks alarmed.

"There's no need," Mom says, and Jess looks more alarmed for some reason.

"Jessie, this is sort of a hospital," Robbie tells her. "Right? He can get medicine here."

Jess looks unconvinced. When Mom tells them again that it was unnecessary of them to come and asks if they are ready to head home, Jess announces, "I want to stay here."

Mom sighs and runs her hand through her hair. She starts, "You can't - " but then cuts herself off and simply falls silent.

"I'll stay with her," Robbie offers. "I'll take us home later."

Mom looks unconvinced. "It's okay," he says. "I won't let her stay long."

Mom rubs his arm. "You're a good boy, Robert."

He doesn't feel very good, not at all. Mom leaves and he and Jess usher themselves into Dad's room and Jess goes and sits in his armchair and they both just stare at Dad for a few moments, maybe more than a few, a long time, and it's really awful because neither of them talk and Dad is asleep but keeps wheezing and coughing anyway.

"Jess," he says finally, "It's getting really late. Come on."

On the way home, Jess actually starts crying a little bit, and it's horrible and alarming. Sister tears are the worst things in the world.

"It's okay," Robbie consoles her awkward. "Jess, it's okay."

"It's _not _okay," Jess says tearfully, and she gives him a mistrustful and teary glance. "People _die _from pneumonia! They get really sick from it and they can die! You _know_ this, Robbie!"

He does know this, but he doesn't know anything else – he doesn't know what he can say that will make her feel any better. He sneaks small quick glances of her pinched and miserable face, and he feels horrible because he can't do anything to make it better.

Jade's waiting for him at his locker the next morning. He gives her a watery smile – he's so _tired_. Jess had cried for forever after they'd gotten home last night – for almost twenty minutes! Then he'd laid awake for a long time afterwards, feeling bad, hearing the sounds of her sniffles in his head and picturing her sad and drawn face.

"You didn't call me last night," Jade says. She taps at his wrist, so he holds her hand.

"Oh," he says. He hadn't know he was supposed to. Then he realizes that he pretty much always calls Jade on nights that they don't see each other, and they lay in their respective beds and she tells him about the crazy things that Sikowitz says and does and he tells her about the camera equipment that Sinjin's broke that day at school and they laugh and talk until one of them falls asleep. She was probably expecting him to call. He can't do anything right. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Jade says gruffly. "How's – how's your dad?"

"Um," says Robbie. "Not too good. He can't – well, they're just going to monitor him for a few days, I guess. He can't really tell them what's wrong with him."

Jade looks upset, and he can't do anything to make her feel better, either.

The day goes by _so slowly_. He's impossibly tired. He doesn't know – is it just Dad? He feels oddly stressed, and crap, he's forgotten to take his medication, and it just feels like there is a vice grip slowly tightening on the back of his head. Maybe he's getting a cold or something too.

He lays his head down on the table at lunch and stays quiet, listening to Beck and Andre argue over something Sikowitz had said. Beside him, Jade opens his water bottle for him.

"It was metaphorical," Beck is saying.

"Was not!" Andre cries. "I think he really wants us to all take swing lessons. I don't have the_ money_ for that."

"He doesn't want us to take dance lessons!" Beck snaps. "Hey, Robbie - " He falls silent for a moment, noticing for the first time that Robbie's sort of lying bonelessly with his head on the table. "Hey, Rob, you all right?"

"Maaadawaasaah," says Robbie into the table.

He feels Jade's arm bump against him, and then she translates for him: "His dad is sick."

"Oh," says Beck, sounding upset. "Is he all right?"

Robbie drags his head up from the table to look at Beck, who indeed does look upset. "Yes," he says.

"What's wrong with him?" Tori asks, frowning across the table at him. She's been in mid-conversation with Steve Strickland, so it's really nice of her to pull her attention away from him. Every day Tori gets chocolate pudding and every day Steve Strickland gets butterscotch pudding and then they go, oh man, you got my favorite!, and Tori giggles a lot and then they trade desserts and smile around at everything.

"Why don't they just get the darn pudding flavors that they really like?" Robbie had asked Jade.

"They're trying to flirt," Jade had said, looking aggrieved.

"Oh." Robbie had thought Steve would have better moves than a butterscotch pudding cup, but what does he know? Plus, Tori is probably a very hard girl to woo. Maybe Steve has a great master plan.

"He has pneumonia," Robbie says now.

"Oh … " Tori trails off. Beside her, Steve looks sort of confused too. "Well, that's … that's okay, right? I mean, lots of people get pneumonia. He'll get better."

"Yeah," says Robbie, because it's easier to just agree with her than to have to explain to the whole table that his dad basically has no immune system left and if he gets better he'll just get sick again.

Beck and Tori and Andre and Cat and Ali all frown at him, and Strickland looks around at them and then he frowns too, and that's just way too much so Robbie lays his head back down on the table.

"Umwantawable," he says.

Jade says, "He doesn't want to talk about it." She runs her fingers through his hair, which is nice.

Eventually Beck and Andre turn to each other and continue their argument about Sikowitz's class, Steve gives Tori her pudding, and Robbie sleeps a little while Cat draws sympathetically on his Physics notebook. Jade keeps petting him. He thinks about Mom and Dad and Jess and Jade and his other friends and Dad's horrible cough and how small he'd looked lying in his bed. Why does he never pay attention to anything until things start getting bad?

He needs to be better.

**Author's Note: I think Robbie/Tori tracking Trina down in LA might become a oneshot later?**


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter Sixty**

Dad's cough gets worse throughout the weekend, and he ruptures something in his throat and coughs up an alarming amount of blood that Monday afternoon, which is horrific, and Robbie just can't get Jess out of the room fast enough. Jess cries a lot, which is also upsetting. The paramedics come out and take Dad to the hospital.

"It's fine," Robbie tells his sister. "He's fine. Now they can watch him better."

Jess doesn't look comforted.

After the ambulance takes Dad away (Robbie really wishes Jess wouldn't look so stricken – they don't even have the sirens on!), there's not really much reason to stay at the nursing home.

Jess says she wants to go to the hospital right away but Robbie watches her face as she looks into Dad's room where there is still a bloody towel laying on his father's bed and he tells her no. She gets sort of mad at him then, but a few moments later decides she wants to go to Karl Shuberg's, so he takes her there, and after he calls his mother to make sure she knows where Dad is and what's going on, he goes to Jade's. He should probably be studying for his Physics test or, you know, catching up on the homework he hasn't done all week, but he hasn't seen Jade since his dad got sick and that was almost four days ago.

"Jesus!" says Jade when he tells her about what happened. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," says Robbie, a little puzzled because he isn't the one who's sick, and then he kisses her, because he really doesn't want to talk about it.

Jade allows this for a few blissful moments, but then she pulls back to gaze sharply at him. "Robbie," she says, frowning.

"Yes?"

She spares him a quick and somewhat nervous glance, looking – well, sort of uncomfortable. They're upstairs in her bedroom and she shifts away a little to lean back on her bed. "Like. You can talk to me about this stuff, you know."

"I know?" he says, confused.

"I know I'm not - " Jade waves a hand - "all, like, sympathetic, like … like _Tori_ or someone would be. It's just - I don't know … I don't know how to be that way."

"That's okay," he says sincerely. "I wouldn't want you to be that way."

"Okay," Jade repeats doubtfully.

"Okay," says Robbie, and he doesn't really know what else to say, so he smiles tightly at her.

"So do you want to, like,_ talk?_" Jade asks, still looking pained and halting, which is a strange and unfamiliar look for her.

"Nope," he says, and leans in to kiss her again.

Jade slugs him in the shoulder, hard! "Ow!" he cries, pulling back. "What the heck, Jade!"

She just glowers at him, leaning back on her knees and moving to sit with her back against the headboard of the bed. "Watch it, Shapiro."

"What the heck are you - " he rubs his shoulder - "what are you talking about?"

"You can't just kiss me to try and shut me up!"

He gawps at her. "That's not what I was – and you do that all the time to me!"

"That's different!" Jade hollers.

Oh my God. She is really and truly crazy. "No it isn't!" he exclaims.

Jade's hand curls into a fist by her side. "So you are trying to shut me up!"

"You - ! I, no, I'm not! I just wanted to kiss you, is all!"

"You just don't want to deal with your problems!" Jade exclaims. "You can't just use me to forget about the shit in your life!"

"I am not using you!" he cries. "And I don't have problems!"

"Oh, no, you're a perfectly well-adjusted individual," Jade sneers. "You never tell me anything really important - you never have! I have to guess at everything! And I'm _trying_ here, Shapiro!"

"_I_ don't tell you anything important?" he squeaks indignantly. "What about _you?_ And, and, you aren't trying very hard! You aren't even nice to me!"

"I am too nice to you!" Jade yells in outrage.

"You just slugged me!" he yells back. "How is that nice?"

"It's nicer than just letting you ignore all the shit in your life!"

Robbie huffs loudly. "I do not have shit in my life!" He pushes himself off of her bed and stands up. "Jesus, Jade, why can't you just leave me alone? It sucks, I don't want to talk about my dad!"

"Fine," snaps Jade, and she crosses her arms tightly, glaring down at her purple comforter. They don't speak for a few moments, and now Robbie feels pretty dumb, just standing there beside her bed with his fists clenched, and Jade simply won't look at him at all, no.

"Maybe … maybe I should just go home or something," he mumbles finally.

"Whatever."

"Okay." He bites his lip. What had he expected? Jade would never tell him to stay. "Well … okay. Fine."

"Fine," Jade repeats.

He backs out of her room, and she still doesn't look up, and then he closes the door and he goes downstairs and he stands in the archway of the Wests' foyer for a minute, breathing hard, and then he goes home. He's fine, he tells himself. It's fine. He has to be at work soon anyway. It's fine that Jade doesn't want to see him.

* * *

But then Jade calls him nineteen minutes later, just as he's pulling onto his street. He answers the phone immediately, not even bothering to pull over, because he's totally freaking out actually.

"I'm so sorry," he says.

"Don't dump me," says Jade.

"No, I won't dump you," he says. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too," says Jade. "I'm sorry I slugged you."

He can't help but laugh a little bit as he parks his car. "It's okay," he says. "I should have known. I should have blocked it, or taken it quietly."

Jade's quiet, apparently not finding any delight in their running joke of domestic abuse and Robbie being a cowed housewife this evening. "Just," she says, and stops and goes silent for another minute. "Robbie, I'm just worried about you. I don't – I know you love your dad a lot, and I don't want you to … you know, freak out again."

"Oh," he says. "I won't – I'm sorry. You don't have to worry about me."

Jade doesn't say anything.

"I'm not, I'm better now," he says. "It's just – I mean, people with – like him – they can get really sick from stuff like this, like pneumonia, he could _die._ So I mean, yeah, I am, kind of freaking out, and it really sucks, but there's nothing you can do about it."

"Yeah," she breathes out quietly. "I know."

"So I just – I don't know, I know you really wanted to hang out this weekend, I really need to, like, be there with him though, I need to see him, like, a lot, I'm sorry - "

"It's okay," Jade interrupts him. "I'm not mad or anything. I just, you know. I'm really sorry."

"I'm sorry," he says again.

"And I'll try to be nicer," Jade continues.

"No, it's – you are nice," he says. "I'm just, I'm just being a jerk. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Jade says again. She hesitates. "Will you call me later tonight?"

"Yes," he says. "Of course."

So he goes to work at that really sucks, and it's only a four hour shift but it feels like forever, he's the only one there and he's bored and he could be with Dad or with Jade or maybe doing his Physics homework that is just starting to resemble a huge mountain on his desk but his head hurts so bad, he's doing that thing where he thinks too much and it makes his head hurt.

When he gets home, he forces himself to take a shower, because Jade will complain about him being gross tomorrow at school, and then he lays in his bed and calls her.

"How was work?" she asks.

"Sucked. What are you doing?"

"I'm reading," she tells him. She's reading a biography on the singer from the Red Hot Chili Peppers. They aren't that Swedish death metal that she loves so, but she likes them a bit, and she'd put a few songs on the mixed CD she'd made him. Robbie thinks they have good bass lines.

"He didn't actually write this," Jade says. "He just dictated it I guess. I'd have edited it better, but you know, no one can be as awesome as I am. It's kind of interesting."

"Will you read some of it to me?"

"What, like, now?"

"Why not?" he says.

Jade thinks about it for a second, and her phone crackles a little with static as he hears her shift around. "Yeah, okay," she says. "I guess so. I'll put you on speaker phone."

Jade reads to him until he falls asleep.

* * *

"Robbie?"

He looks up from his locker and, oh, it's Beck. "Hi," he says.

Beck sidles up closer to him in the hallway and says, "Hey," in his come-here-little-kitten voice. Robbie thinks it's cute when he uses it on Cat when she's upset but the fact that for some reason Beck's seeing fit to reserve the tone for him currently is – well, very irritating. "Can I talk to you?"

"Um," says Robbie, and struggles with his math book, the corner of which is wedged on the edge of his locker. "I'm kind of busy."

"Just for a minute," Beck persists.

"I have things to do," Robbie says. "I have to pick up my sister. We're going to see my dad - "

"Yeah," Beck interrupts, and furrows his brow. "How is he?"

"Fine," says Robbie shortly, even though obviously he isn't and Beck should know that.

"Is he still in the hospital?"

Robbie stares. Beck says, "Jade told me."

"Oh," says Robbie. "Yeah. Yeah. He is. But it's okay."

"_Is_ it okay?" Beck asks, and does this weird sort of half-frown at him.

"Um?" says Robbie. He doesn't have time for this, time for Beck to waggle his eyebrows everywhere.

"Just – dude – I know you're really worried about your father and all, but maybe you need to, like, take a break from all of it for a day or something."

"Oh," says Robbie. "Well, I can't do that."

Beck, like, chuckles at him, which is maddening, and also weird because Beck actually doesn't look very amused. "Yeah," he says. "Robbie – just, are you okay? You're starting to scare me again."

"Oh," says Robbie. "No, I'm fine."

Beck frowns some more. "I don't think you are." He hesitates, banging his fist lightly and nervously against the door of Robbie's locker. "I mean – I mean you're acting pretty bad again. You're, like, sleeping through study hall, you don't talk at lunch – just, we're your friends, we care about you, Rob!"

"I know that," says Robbie shortly.

"Jade says that you haven't seen her all week?" Beck continues. "I think she's worried about you too."

Oh. It's nice to know that at the first sign of Robbie being even the slightest bit preoccupied with something else, Jade will go scampering back to Beck. "When were you hanging out with Jade?" he demands.

Beck shoots him a confused raised eyebrow. "Um, _never?_" he says. "We talked in Improv for a little bit. I think she feels – you know, bad. Maybe you should call her or something."

Robbie just looks at him. He doesn't get Beck. This isn't Beck's business. And he'd thought he and Jade were fine – he hasn't seen her so far this week, but it's only Thursday, and they've been calling each other every night. What's the problem? "Jade and I are fine," he says calmly.

"Yeah," says Beck, and does his humorless chuckle again. "Look, Rob – I get it, okay, I know how you are. But just because one thing happens, it doesn't mean you need to push all the other stuff away. I know how you are," he repeats. "I know you really wanted Jade for a long time and you can't just start ignoring her because things get shitty - "

"What?" demands Robbie, finally putting forth enough effort to free his textbook and slamming his locker shut. "I'm not ignoring her! I don't know what you're_ talking_ about – what, what, how am I, exactly?"

"Um," says Beck. "I don't want to piss you off, but, you know – you can be – you're sort of single-minded."

"_Am _I?" says Robbie, and thinks that it's rich to hear such a thing from Beck, whose only goals in life are to get girls and get cheeseburgers and then get more girls.

"Um," Beck says again. "Yeah? Look, Rob – I mean – you always focus on just one thing. Just – I guess I didn't know it much when we first met, but you were all about your dad then, weren't you? That's why it took us so long to really become friends, because you were always on that. That and everything had to be about you and Rex. And that's cool - "

"I'm not single-minded," says Robbie.

"When you liked Cat, that was all you thought of. You asked her out like twenty times even though you knew she'd say no. Then when you liked Jade, that was all you could think of, too. I mean, I've hardly even seen you these last few months since you've been together - "

Robbie is actually getting sort of furious.

He is _not_ single-minded! Can't he have things that are just for himself? And he had not just thought of Jade and Cat. Well, yes, all right, he had thought of them a lot, but for God's sake, he's a teenaged boy! And who is Beck to talk? Beck, who'd moped and cried over Ali for a month straight when they'd broken up! Literally cried, cried on the phone to Robbie, and Robbie'd came over to console him and they'd watched bad standup together and Robbie had totally been in love with Jade too at that point and Beck hadn't even known then or needed to comfort _him _about stupid girls.

"I'm sorry that it pains you so much that I'm so selfish," Robbie says and he can't help it that his tone is sort of mean.

"That's not what I mean!" says Beck. "I just meant – you know, you get these ideas, or feelings, whatever, and you just completely throw yourself into them! Like, everything's either good or it's bad, and look, man, I can't even _imagine_ what you're going through with your dad right now - "

"No, you can't," Robbie says coldly. "So stop talking about it."

Beck looks upset. "Robbie, I wish you'd just _talk _to us! Look, when I have a problem with my dad, I tell you about it, don't I? I think you - "

"Please don't compare our fathers!" Robbie says in a voice that's much too loud. "Beck, you get everything you ever want from your dad! He bought you a car! He bought you an RV! My dad doesn't even remember who I _am_!"

"Rob - "

"So I'm very sorry when you and your dad fight about stupid things like him getting mad at you for smoking!" Robbie continues. "Which, by the way, is dumb, because you only did it to impress Jade! And oh, poor Beck, your dad wants to spend time with you on the weekend so we can't hang out for one single day and play _Halo_, what a jerk!"

"Okay," says Beck evenly. "All right. Look, Robbie, first of all, you don't _actually_ know everything about me and my dad - "

"I _never_ fight with my father!" Robbie cries out, interrupting him. "Do you know why, Beck?"

Beck just looks upset at him.

"Because he hasn't had a real conversation with me in over two years!" Robbie hollers. "So please don't try to compare our problems or act like you know what it's like, because you _don't!_ You don't know and you can't and that sucks and I don't want to _talk about it!_ So leave me alone, Beck!"

He slings his backpack over his shoulder and storms off, leaving Beck silent and looking crushed behind him.

* * *

Beck calls him later on that evening, but he's at Jess's soccer practice watching her play which is important so he doesn't answer, and when Beck keeps calling he just completely turns his phone off since he's really very busy being single-minded and horrible you know. Beck looks at him mournfully for a long time in the school's hallway the next morning and Robbie pointedly ignores him some more.

Jade's drinking her most gigantic cup of coffee next to him and looking torn between amused and concerned. "What's that about?"

"Beck is a jerk," he says flatly.

Jade smirks, and then tries to not smirk. "Yes," she says, "yes he is."

"Jade," he says. "Are we okay? Beck thinks we're not okay. Also I am single-minded."

"Beck's an idiot," Jade says. "We're okay." It's good to know she supports him.

He and Beck have study hall together fourth period before lunch, and Robbie sits at a table away from him when he gets there. He draws absently in his Physics notebook and tries to look enthralled by science as Beck frowns and hems and haws across the room at him. Finally he gets up and comes over and sits across from Robbie, staring.

"I'm so busy right now," Robbie says, not looking up from his doodling.

"Robbie," Beck says, exasperated. "Are you seriously mad at me?"

Robbie turns to a new page in his notebook. "What? Oh, Beck, when did you get here? Sorry, I guess I was too preoccupied with being single-minded."

Beck yanks his notebook away from him! "Why are you acting like such a wazzhole, Rob?" he cries.

Oh my god! Beck's called him the w-word!

"I am _not_ a wazzhole!" Robbie hollers. "You're being a jerk!"

"I am not being a jerk!" Beck yells. "I am trying to be your _friend,_ and you don't even want to talk to me!"

"Too bad I'm not friends with _jerks_!" Robbie yells back, and then they both get kicked out of study hall _again_ and they have to go to the main office and Beck is such a jerk, the biggest jerk who's ever … jerked, gosh!

Robbie fumes throughout lunch and Jade and Steve Strickland come and eat with him in the library. Now Jade looks more concerned than amused.

"I can't believe you got a detention!" she cries, looking at his slip from Principal Helen.

"Oh, this isn't my first offense," Robbie tells her darkly. "D'you know this is the fifth time Beck's gotten us kicked out of study hall? This detention is going on my record, Jade. Oh my God, I'll get kicked out of college."

Steve Strickland makes a weird sound into his soda. He's always choking on something when he's around Robbie and Cat, for some reason. Maybe he needs to go to a doctor and get his reflexes checked or something. Robbie nicely doesn't mention this, though.

"Maybe … " says Jade, "maybe this wasn't entirely Beck's fault. Maybe you want to go and talk to him."

"I do _not_ want to talk to that _wazzhole!_" Robbie says way too loudly, and then the librarian's giving them a dark look, oh god, so Robbie just puts his head down on the table lest he get kicked out of here too and gets banned from Hollywood Arts and he doesn't talk anymore. Jade hesitates, but she seems to understand that he doesn't want to talk about Beck anymore, so she lets him go to sleep on her binder and she pets his hair and just talks to Strickland about some band he's going to see play this weekend.

"Maybe you guys can come too," Steve offers.

"I'm busy," Robbie says into the binder, and he doesn't look up to see how they react to this.

After school he's promised to drive Cat home for some weird reason, why had he promised to do that? Jade's car is working and she lives closer to Cat anyway, but she and Jade had come to him earlier saying Cat needs a ride and Robbie'd agreed because he'd been too busy being frustrated by Beck not to. Robbie has a sneaking suspicion that the girls are trying to, like, keep _watch_ on him or something.

Why is everyone freaking out! He isn't a baby!

So they're walking down the mostly-empty halls and Cat's been telling him about her Costume Design class. As usual, Robbie has absolutely no idea what she's on about, but he's really trying, and he remembers how Cat had looked last year when he'd snapped at her and he never wants her to look like that again, so he just bites his tongue and nods a lot and says things like, "So what'd he say then?"

Stupid Beck comes out of the auditorium as they walking past it – God, he was probably just lurking and _waiting_ for them – and starts following them, flitting around Cat and Robbie and still looking all mournful and affected like this morning and saying _Robbie, are you really not going to talk to me?_

"Cat," says Robbie, "do you hear something? Something, something like a, sort of annoying buzzing sound, like an annoying insect or something?"

Cat frowns a little and shoots Robbie a hesitant sidelong glance. "I hear Beck being worried and trying to talk to you," she says softly.

Robbie scowls. So Cat's on Beck's side too. How does telling someone about how horrible they are equate to being their friend? "Are you ready to go home yet?" he demands to Cat, probably too loudly, because she looks a bit startled.

"Well … " she says slowly, recovering, and looks once more over to Beck, who is scowling back at Robbie.

"I'll take you to Goodburger," Robbie wheedles.

Cat brightens. "Will you buy me a milkshake?"

"Yes," he affirms. "Sure. Whatever you want."

"Kay kay!" Cat chirrups, happy, and then she's grabbing his arm and pulling him away from Beck, and Robbie is saved.

**Author's Note: For some reason I thought that this story was over 300,000 words already, and was like oh god, need to end this in two chapters, but then I realized it wasn't, so now I'm not rushing as much. :)**


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter Sixty-One**

At school he sits with his back to Beck during study hall and pointedly ignores him at lunch, and Beck ignores him too, talking loudly and exaggeratedly to Ali and Tori and occasionally taking the time to glower over at Robbie like a big huge stupid baby. Jade and Cat cast cryptic girl-frowns over at each other, and then Jade threatens him with her fork for the rest of the period until he eats a suitable amount of his lunch to please her.

A few more days go by. Dad doesn't really get any better, and the doctors have to drain his lungs _twice_, which is really very upsetting. Jess always wants to be there, which means that Robbie is there too, since Mom really can't just stop working to drive Jess everywhere. He stays at the hospital with his sister that weekend, who's camped out in one of the waiting rooms and the coffee from the vending machine that he's stupidly drank makes him sick and he can't see Jade, who hems and haws and finally says she'll go to the Cuttlefish concert anyway if he doesn't want to go, if that's all right with him.

Of course it's all right with him. Jade can do what she wants. She doesn't need to spend every weekend with him, does she? She got on fine without him for the first like seventeen years of her life.

"Fine," says Jade in a subdued voice, and hangs up on him, and then Robbie frets, because he was just talking out loud, not trying to be mean, and then he goes to the bathroom again and throws up more bad coffee and worries because he'd forgotten that Strickland had invited them both earlier in the week and now this means that Jade's just going to be alone with him, the hottest guy in school, and they're already kissed and stuff and Robbie's such a jerk.

He calls her back once he's finished throwing up, but she doesn't answer. Life sucks.

Jess has a wide array of candy bars spread out in front of her, and a stack of books in the plastic hospital chair beside her.

"You can go and see Jade if you want," she says. "I'll be okay here. I just don't want Dad to be alone if something else happens."

"I don't want _you_ to be alone," Robbie says, still fretting. "And Jade hung up on me anyway."

Jess frowns. "Maybe you should just go over there then," she says.

Robbie doesn't think that's a very good idea. He's even been afraid to really kiss Jade this week, lest she think he's subletting his feelings and punches him again. He doesn't know how to be a very good boyfriend, he thinks dismally.

Mom does a double take when he and Jess come home late on Sunday night. "Robbie, you look awful," she says, which is so nice. "Have you been eating?"

"Yes!" he says grumpily. Why does everyone think he's such a lunatic that he can't even feed himself?

Mom frowns and does that mothering thing where she tries to touch his forehead, but he squirms away. "Maybe you should go and lay down," she says.

"I won't be able to sleep."

Mom does the droopy-lips face. "Should I call Dr Parisch?"

"No!" he yells, and Mom looks startled. He doesn't have to go and see her for another week, and what can she do, anyway? He's probably getting a cold or something. He's not a baby! He tries hard and makes his voice steady. "No, I'm fine. I'm just going to go to bed."

School again and Jade is very short with him at their lockers, which makes him feel bad. She actually turns and_ talks to Tori _instead of him, and then when the bell rings they walk off towards Sikowitz's class together, and Tori shoots him a concerned look over her shoulder, which doesn't make him feel much better at all.

Andre seems worried about him, too, but he manages to not be a huge jerk about it like Beck had been. "You look really tired, man," Andre says in one of their guitar classes. "You been sleeping okay?"

"Yes," Robbie lies.

His friend continues to look concerned. He asks in a much quieter tone, "You been taking your meds?"

"Yes!" says Robbie, annoyed, and he has been, so he really shouldn't be feeling so wiped out, but whatever, he's just very stressed, and Andre can't understand that, so he doesn't say anything else.

After school at play rehearsal Jade is still being sort of short with him, not really talking much at all, and when Sinjin and Robbie try to turn on the stage lights three of the bulbs just explode for no reason and Jade yells at them both as if it's their fault.

"Why are you getting mad at me?" Robbie cries.

"You're supposed to change the lightbulbs!" Jade says. "You haven't even shown up for practice all week, you can't just expect Sinjin to do everything!"

Sinjin looks a combination of proud and nervous (prideful because Jade's seen fit to call him by his real name instead of 'puke breath' or 'loser face' and nervousness because he doesn't like any fighting). "I don't mind," he says quickly.

"He doesn't mind!" Robbie reiterates. "And I'm busy! I don't have time to change the stupid lightbulbs! Maybe if the school wasn't so cheap and would actually buy decent equipment - "

over in the corner, the drama teacher looks incredibly offended, and -

"Do you even want to do the stupid play anymore?" Jade demands.

"Of course I want to do the stupid play!" Robbie snaps. "Jeez, Jade!"

Jade just glares doubtfully at him. "Well, then get with it!" she hisses, and storms off back to the stage. Tori and Ali have taken a break from painting the scenery and they come to stand by Sinjin and all three of them look at him sort of nervously.

"What?" says Robbie in annoyance, and scratches at his wrist.

"Are you all right?" Tori asks, and Ali asks, "Is everything all right with you and Jade?"

"Of course it's all right!" he snaps.

Tori looks more concerned. "It's just, you had a tone, Robbie," and who is she, his mother? "And usually when people use tones with Jade, they aren't … well, they don't live for much longer."

"Oh, I do not have a_ tone_, Tori Vega!" he snaps, and Tori and Ali frown some more and exchange the same sort of girl-glance that Jade and Cat had earlier which just annoys him so much for some reason.

"You definitely had a tone there," says Sinjin helpfully.

Ali starts, "Beck says - "

"Oh, Beck is a jerk!" Robbie cries.

Tori looks upset. "You guys are still fighting?" She turns to Ali. "They're still fighting?"

"I wish you'd talk to Beck," Ali squeaks at him. "I mean, he really misses you. He just keeps listening to that Spin Doctors song and it's driving me crazy and he says, oh, you can't understand, Ali. I know he really doesn't think you're a, um, a wazzbucket - "

"He called me a wazz_bucket?_" Robbie demands.

"Um," says Ali.

Oh my god and Moses in heaven! Wait, that's redundant, but he doesn't even care. First he's a wazzhole and now he's just a huge bucket of it? He's going to get Beck's gray hoodie back from Jade and he's going to burn it.

"And you can tell him that!" he cries, flinging his arms around, to Ali, who just looks upset.

"I can't believe you and Beck are breaking up too," says Sinjin, looking sad. "Hey, if you break up with Jade - "

"I'm not breaking up with Jade!" screams Robbie. "You guys are all crazy! Don't you have things of your own to worry about? I have stuff to do, I can't stay here!" And he storms out of the auditorium, still mad but feeling a little bit bad because he's totally left Sinjin to change all of the light bulbs and probably get screamed at by Jade some more.

* * *

He bumps into Steve Strickland out in the hallways as he's leaving – why is Strickland always lurking around? He doesn't even have any after-school activities!

"Hey man," Strickland says companionably, not upset that Robbie's literally just ran right into him. He pushes up the sleeves of his stupid stupid jean jacket. "You doing your stage lighting gig?"

Oh my god, Strickland is just smoking a cigarette right here in the hall!

"No I'm not," snaps Robbie. "Because everyone working on the play is crazy, Steve. Crazy!"

"Okay," says Steve easily. "So what are you up to?"

Robbie thinks about it. Jess has her soccer practice until four-thirty, and after that he guesses that he's going to take her to the hospital as usual. "Nothing, I guess."

"Cool," says Steve. "I'm real into the art of nothingness."

"That's surprising," snaps Robbie, and Strickland raises an eyebrow at him and just smirks instead of getting mad, so Robbie snaps some more: "How was your Cuttlefish concert?"

"Fine," says Strickland. "But they played all stuff from their new album, which was pretty gay. I had a beer. It sucks you couldn't come - Jade missed you."

"Oh I bet she did," huffs Robbie, and starts to walk off, and Strickland just starts walking next to him!

"Jade told me you get like this sometimes," he says musingly, keeping stride with frustrating ease as Robbie alternately slows down and then speeds up to try and lose him.

"Get like what?"

"An asshole."

Robbie's mouth drops open. "She said that? She called me an, an - ?"

"Well, no," says Strickland, grinning. "That was my terminology."

"Oh," he says, miffed.

"You wanna go smoke some weed?" Strickland asks him, and Robbie almost passes out right there in the hallway. He knew the peer pressure to do drug would come eventually, but don't worry Mom, he's ready for it!

"No, I do not want to - " he lowers his voice but still keeps his tone firm so that Steve knows he will not be cajoled - "_smoke some weed_! That's illegal, Steve! And, and you know what would happen if I ever did that? My lungs would actually exploded, and I'd _die!_"

Strickland just laughs at him. Life is utterly unbearable. "Well, I'm going to smoke," he says, which is redundant and stupid because he's still holding a lit cigarette. "You should come with me anyway."

"No," says Robbie shortly.

"Why not?"

"I'm – I'm busy."

Strickland raises his other eyebrow, and he still looks amused at Robbie, like he's watching a little puppy or something, which is annoying. "You just said you weren't doing anything."

"Well," says Robbie. "Well."

"You act like me and the rest of the school didn't just hear you and Jade screaming at each other," Strickland says easily, and Robbie feels his mouth drop open again. "So what're you going to do, go and sulk about it all day?"

"No," lies Robbie, because that was exactly what he was going to do.

"So come hang out," says Strickland. "I'll buy you some soy milk." He gestures to the vending machine they're passing in the hallway.

"Really?" Robbie asks doubtfully, sort of touched that Strickland's seen fit to remember he's lactose intolerant. "Well – well, fine, I guess."

Steve looks happy, and he claps Robbie on the back and they walk out of school together.

Strickland's car is old and had probably been white at some point, but is now a molting gray mess and appears to be held together solely by duct tape in some spots. He swipes a metric ton of empty soda cans off of his front seat to make room for Robbie. Robbie notes that there are a few cans of pineapple soda amongst the wreckage. He wonders if Strickland drinks it too or if he's just been entertaining Jade a lot more than he'd thought.

Steve drives them to a convenience store where he buys a cigar, then he drives them to the park and he takes it apart and he pulls a baggie of – of _that stuff _out of his glovebox!

"Oh my god!" screams Robbie. "You have it in your car! We're driving around with contraband! Oh my God! We're going to get arrested and kicked out of school!"

Strickland just laughs at him, and then laughs some more when Robbie huffs and uses his inhaler and then covertly checks all their mirrors for cops. "Does Tori know you do this?" he demands.

Strickland looks confused. "Who cares if Tori knows?"

Robbie furrows his brows. "I thought you – don't you like Tori?"

"Sure, I like Tori," says Strickland, licking the cigar paper for some weird druggie reason. _Ew._ He mutters into the wrapper, "I like lotsa people."

Robbie's baffled. "But, you," he says. "But the pudding cups!"

Strickland rumbles out some more laughter. "Oh, you noticed that. Well, Tori's nice. She's a sweet girl."

"Yes she is!" says Robbie. "Sweet and innocent! She's not going to be your drug mule!" He tries to give Steve a hard glare, which falters when Steve just chuckles at him some more.

"You are so freaking weird, man," he says, and Robbie huffs once more with indignation. _Steve_ is the weird one. Sometimes Robbie thinks he's the only normal person on the entire planet. He takes a few moments to bemoan this as he watches Steve finish making his joint or blunt or – well, whatever you call them; Robbie isn't going to ask him the terminology, and then he lights it up. Robbie makes a horrible face at the smell of the smoke and an even more horrible one when Steve waves it at him in offering and shakes his head.

It's really strange to be out with Steve, strange and sort of terrifying, actually, since Steve is probably going to get them both thrown into jail, but he's been sort of forced into it, and honestly it's sort of nice to be with someone who doesn't know him that well and isn't hounding him about problems or his feelings or anything about Dad. Steve makes him listen to weird 80s rock music that Jade probably likes and they talk about guitars of course and him and Tori for a while.

"No," says Steve. "I don't want to date her. I don't want to date anyone right now. What's the point?"

"Well," says Robbie, and frowns.

Steve stretches out in his driver's seat and blows another puff of horrible-smelling smoke out the window. "I don't know if you've noticed," he says, "but I'm sort of a burn out. Tori and I are way too different. Why'm I going to waste her time?"

"You aren't_ that_ different," Robbie says hesitantly, thinking of him and Jade. They're very different, too. Does she think he's wasting her time? Probably he is. He doesn't even know if she loves him. She could do better than him, get someone who will remember to change the light bulbs and isn't scared of third base.

Steve just shrugs. "Well, who knows," he says. "Guess we'll see what happens."

"Yeah," says Robbie, and frets some more.

It doesn't seem like he and Steve have been hanging out for very long, but eventually his phone goes off from his pocket – it's Jess calling, and Moses help him, it's after five o'clock!

Jess seems happy when he answers his PearPhone. "Dad's fever went down a lot," she says, "and he isn't coughing so much any more. They took the respiratory tube out!"

"That's great!" says Robbie. "Wait, you're at the hospital? How'd you get to the hospital?"

"Karl Shuberg's parents took me," Jess informs him snootily. "Karl is here with me now!We're playing Jenga in the waiting room." Somehow she manages to make this sound incredibly dreamy.

"Oh," says Robbie doubtfully. Steve's making confused faces at him, but Robbie just furrows his brow and turns away for a moment. "You've got Karl at the hospital with you? He knows about Dad?"

"Of course he knows, Robbie," Jess says, sounding confused. "Isn't that okay?"

"Yeah," he says slowly. "Yeah, it's okay. Well, do you want me to come there?"

"Up to you," says his sister. "Do you want to see Dad? He's sitting up a little. He held my hand earlier!"

"That's great, Jess," Robbie says, and feels inexplicably sad that Jess can be so thrilled over Dad doing something incredibly small like that. "Yeah, I guess I'll come up for a while."

There's a little pause, and he knows his sister well enough to know that she's starting to frown at her phone. "You better not be mean to Karl," she warns him.

Robbie rolls his eyes. "I won't be mean to your stupid boyfriend."

"He isn't_ stupid!_" squawks Jess, and Robbie laughs and hangs up on her before she can yell horrible things at him.

"My dad's in the hospital," he tells Steve then, who's still looking at him. "He has pneumonia. My sister's there now."

"Oh," says Steve, and it was so simple to just say that. Why can't it be that easy to talk to everyone about it? "Sorry, man. You want me to take you back to school now?"

"Yeah, if you would," he says, and Steve does.

At the deserted school, Robbie puts away his books, frowns doubtfully at his Physics book before finally fitfully shoving it into his backpack, and he checks the auditorium even though play practice is surely over with and Jade's gone home. He's still really tired, and he's had a headache all week, and all he really wants is to lay and Jade's bed and half-sleep and half-laugh at her while she watches her stupid horror movies which is what they usually do on an evening. But he guesses she's pretty mad at him, so he just gets into his car and he goes to the hospital to meet his sister.

The nexy day at school, he and Beck have been banished from the study hall room and have to meet in the library now, under the furious and more watchful eye of Mrs Mullen. Not that he would tell Beck, who's a jerk, this, but Robbie actually likes the library better anyway – it's quieter, and the light isn't so bright. It's been irritating his eyes a lot lately.

Beck sits at the table across from him even though they're supposed to be fighting. Robbie notes that Beck is wearing his Adventure Time tee shirt (Beck has Jake, and Robbie's is Finn, and if they stand close together with their arms around each other like Cat had made them do for a picture on The Slap, it looks like Jake and Finn are fist-bumping), which makes him feel sort of bad because the first thing Robbie had done was to throw that shirt into the deepest recesses of his closet.

"I saw you and Steve Strickland yesterday," Beck says mournfully.

"Oh yeah?" says Robbie.

"Yeah," says Beck. "What, you guys are just hanging out now? He's your new best friend?"

"So what if he is?" says Robbie, and slurps at his coconut milk loudly. "Maybe we'll go to Nozu together."

Beck's mouth drops open. "You wouldn't," he says.

"Wouldn't I?" says Robbie, and just looks at him. Then he adds, ''And your hair's messed up."

Beck makes a flustered noise and grabs his bookbag up off the table and storms away, nearly crashing into Tori, who's just approaching the library table.

"What was_ that _about?" asks Tori.

"Dunno," says Robbie. "Tori, don't you have Anatomy this period?"

"Maybe," says Tori, looking guilty. "But maybe I didn't do the homework." She gives him a sad glance of her own.

Robbie sighs exaggeratedly. "You're hopeless,Vega," he says. "What do you got?"

Tori looks happy and starts pulling out her worksheets, and Robbie spends the rest of the period helping her.

"Are you coming to lunch?" she asks once the bell's rang and Robbie hasn't made movement to get up.

"Yeah," he says. "In a minute."

"Okay," says Tori. "Well, I've got to go to my locker – hurry up!"

"Okay," he says, too, but then instead of going to lunch he puts his head back down on the table and he sleeps through that and through his English class, too.


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter Sixty-Two**

The next day he's at his locker in the morning listening to Cat and Jade talking about getting more concert tickets for this Arcade something band that Cat really likes. He's sort of listening but mostly glowering over at Beck, who's talking to some shaggy-haired guy and looking very happy.

"Who is that?" he demands of Cat, who pauses in unwrapping her candy bar to look over.

"That's Duncan," Cat replies, and bites off a corner of her chocolate bar. "He's a junior. They're in English together. Isn't he cute, Jade?"

Jade makes a noncommittal noise.

Robbie frowns hugely as Beck laughs and claps the kid on the back. Oh, he thinks he can just touch any guy's back! Whatever. Beck is so stupid.

"What is he, trying to make me jealous or something?" Robbie cries, and then glares some more as Beck looks over at them and then takes the time to laugh loudly at something Duncan Stupid has said.

"Um, I think they're just friends, Robbie," says Cat. "I think they've been friends before."

Robbie huffs loudly.

Jade looks consideringly back and forth between the boys. "You know," she says slowly. "If you, like, actually _need_ to make out with Beck or something, I think I'd be okay with that." She thinks about it. "As long as I can watch and supervise."

"Oh, you just think you're so funny don't you!" squawks Robbie, and slams his locker and storms off.

"Don't be stupid, Shapiro!" Jade says to his back.

"I'm not stupid!" he cries, and storms off into his guitar class and flings himself down next to Andre, who looks at him in concern.

"What's wrong, man?" Andre asks him.

"Nothing's wrong!" Robbie yells, and slams his head down onto the desk and goes to sleep.

He does manage to go to lunch that day, and Jade sits next to him as usual but she doesn't kiss him or put her hand on his knee as he likes her to. He doesn't kiss her, either, because she's pretty clearly probably mad at him and he doesn't want to get punched again. He eats his lunch quietly and gives her his change for an extra soda and listens to his friends chatter around him. Jade walks to English with him, not really saying much, and she wordlessly hands him her notes on the reading once they get to class, which is nice because he's totally forgotten to read the first few chapters of The Great Gatsby last night.

He skips his history class seventh period to hide in the library because he's tired, and he doesn't mean to sleep through his second guitar theory class too but that happens anyway. He wanders out into the hall a little bit before class ends and the finally bell rings, and he goes and sits down on the main staircase just outside of the school, feeling bad for not really any particular reason.

"Robbie?" a familiar voice calls doubtfully, and he lifts his head and sees Rainah walking towards him from the side of the school.

"Hi," he says in confusion. "What are you doing?"

"I had a science meeting," she said. "We're working on covalent bonds. The sophomores just made a giant barrel explode on the marching band field."

"Oh," says Robbie, because he doesn't know what else to say to that.

Rainah comes and sits next to him. "Yeah," she says. "That was … interesting." He doesn't really have anything to say to that, so she stretches out on the steps, crossing her legs, and says, "So how have you been, Robbie?"

"Um," he says. "I've been all right."

Rainah looks at him with a critical eye, which is always unnerving because she's really smart and knows everything, and he doesn't think he wants her to know everything about him. "Yeah?" she says doubtfully. "You look really tired. You always look really tired when I see you lately."

"Thanks," he says.

"You never talk to me anymore," she says, and he feels really bad. "I texted you the other day. My math text? Did you get my algorithm joke?"

"Oh, yeah," he says guiltily. "That was funny. I'm sorry, I've just been – busy."

"It's okay," Rainah says easily. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes," he says. "Um. How are – how are you?"

"I'm okay," she says, and casts a glance over at him. "Maybe you should go home and take a nap or something, Robbie. You look really wazzed."

Good lord! He'd never taken Rainah for a swearer. He tells her so, and she laughs at him. "That isn't a curse, Robbie," she says. Then she looks up and says, "Uh … oh." He looks up too and Jade's walking over to them from the opposite end of the school.

Rainah says, "Yeah, so … I'd really love to talk, Rob, but I … enjoy living."

He sort of laughs before he can help himself. "Okay," he says. "I'm sorry. I'll text you later?"

"Okay," says Rainah, and flits off very quickly, because Jade has gotten a lot closer.

"Hey," she says, and he responds in like. "What was that?"

"Just talking," he says.

"Oh," says Jade, and falls silent. He looks up at her.

"You look nice," he says. She's wearing those pants that he likes.

"Thanks," says Jade in a weird tone. Then she says, "Um. So what are you doing today?"

"Jess has a soccer game soon."

Jade fiddles with the strap of her green messenger bag. It's getting sort of worn - Jade isn't very careful with her things. You'd think she would be, because she buys most of them. "Oh yeah?" she says. "Do you want company?"

Robbie frowns. "You hate sports."

Jade rolls her eyes at him, which is familiar and sort of nice even though it means she thinks he's being stupid. "Yes," she says, "but I can still go with you. If you want."

"Oh," he says. "But don't you need to drive Cat home?"

"Well," says Jade, and seems to hesitate, biting her lip. "I mean, I don't have to."

"But how will she get home?" he asks.

"Shapiro, if you don't want to hang out with me, you can just say it."

"What?" he says. "I don't – I mean, I do want to hang out with you. But I thought you and Cat made plans. At lunch. You said. And the." He stops talking because he doesn't know what he'd planned to say after that.

"Well, Cat can come too."

"Cat hates sports," he frowns. "Also she just cheers for the team who she thinks is wearing the nicest colors. And Jess will be wearing orange."

Jade looks at him with a put-upon expression and shoulders her messenger bag. "Fine," she says. "I'll just take her home then."

"Okay?" he says doubtfully.

She just turns and walks away from him, and she doesn't say "call me later" or anything like she usually would. He wonders if he should call out after her, but by the time he's done wondering this she's too far away, anyhow.

He realizes school's actually let out now and he's just sitting on the steps like a loser. He gets up and heads back into Hollywood Arts, goes to his locker and puts his books away. He remembers to actually put The Great Gatsby in his bookbag this time. It's another book Jade won't read for class because she probably read it back when she was in the womb and she says it's okay but she never needs to read it again. Maybe she'll read it to him later so he won't have to hurt his eyes looking at the tiny stupid print on the page (he probably needs new glasses or something. Maybe he'll just go blind). But maybe she won't read it to him because he's simply a terrible boyfriend, why didn't he tell her to just come to the stupid game?

Steve Strickland comes out of the girl's bathroom across from Robbie's locker, looking oddly shifty. "Hey Shapiro," he says, coming over.

"Hey," says Robbie in extreme tiredness, unable to force himself to add Steve's last name to it. "What's up?"

"Nothing bad," says Strickland, and shoots a pleased look over to the girls bathroom for some reason.

"I don't want to know," Robbie says immediately, and Strickland chuckles.

"What's doing, man?" he asks, so Robbie tells him about his sister's soccer game.

"Oh yeah?" says Steve. "What position's she play?"

"She's a, uh," it's disturbing how long Jess has been playing soccer and how little Robbie knows about the sport. He just knows she kicks the ball a lot, knocks people down sometimes, and scores a lot of goals. "She's a forward?"

"Cool," says Strickland. "I used to play soccer."

"Really?"

"In, like, middle school. Now I just follow the championships."

"Oh," says Robbie. "Yeah. Well, she's got a big game today. Against North Ridge. We hate North Ridge."

"Yeah?" says Steve, and looks hopeful, so Robbie sighs heavily and says, "Do you, like, want to come watch her play?"

"Sure!" says Steve happily. "Radical."

Radical. Moses help him.

Steve bounces all around in Robbie's car and fiddles with the radio and pokes about in the glove box, where there is definitely no illegal contraband, thankyouverymuch. He shakes Robbie's first aid kit and looks amused before Robbie shoots him a glare and then Steve quickly and carefully returns it to its spot in the glovebox.

"Your car's nice," he says.

"Thanks," says Robbie.

Strickland looks mournful. "I guess I can't smoke in it."

"Go ahead," Robbie says carelessly, and merges onto the highway. "Look under the Cuttlefish sticker."

Strickland peels back the sticker that's just above the window and chuckles a little at all the burn marks it's hiding. "Jade," Robbie says. "She kind of just does what she wants. So go ahead and smoke. I have air fresheners."

"Cool," says Strickland.

"But not weed," Robbie adds hastily.

Steve Strickland eats hot dogs at the playing field like Beck had done that one time, but he doesn't hem and haw over the toppings for five minutes, which is nice. Robbie doesn't know why they need to eat gross processed meat like that when they're just had lunch two hours ago anyway, and Steve looks hurt when he says this and replies, "But it's a Ballpark Dog, Shapiro."

They sit on the ends of the bleachers and Steve alternates smokes and inhales his hot dogs. "Which one's your sister?" he asks, and Robbie points her out: "The tall one, the frizzy blonde hair. In the orange."

"Cool," says Steve. He eats some more of his hot dog. "She looks a lot like you."

"She does?" He's surprised at this. Jess just looks like Jess.

"Yeah. You know, I wondered what you'd look like as a girl. You're pretty cute."

"You - " Oh good, Steve Strickland is totally crazy too. "Why would you ever think about that? Who thinks about those things? Oh my god, wait, did you just say my sister is cute? She's in middle school, Steven!"

Strickland laughs at him a lot, even though he's the insane one, and not Robbie. What else is new? Strickland gets happy over the game and starts shouting insults out at the North Ridge team, and Robbie sits back and frets about not inviting Jade, and then he frets some more because shouldn't he be worrying about more important things, like how his dad is doing?

But Jade is a big part of his life, too. And it'll be a more important thing when she dumps him! Oh Jesus, she's going to dump him because he's horrible and single minded and maybe Beck is right -

"Dude, do you need your inhaler?" Strickland asks.

"Yes," says Robbie, and digs around in his backpack. Then he says, "Jade is going to dump me."

Strickland raises his eyebrows. "Why do you say that?"

"Because I'm a terrible boyfriend!" he cries out, then uses his inhaler and coughs a lot. He tells Steve a little bit about the fight they'd had earlier … oh god, the fights, actually, and then he tells Steve about the light bulbs and how he'd called the play stupid and how Jade didn't even kiss him today and he's stupid and told her not to come to the soccer game.

"Yeah, that was kind of dick," Steve tells him, and Robbie makes a sad noise. "Why did you have to change lightbulbs?"

Robbie furrows his brow. "Because you just have to – look, that's not important! She's going to dump me!"

Strickland frowns and leans back against the wall of the bleachers and rubs his chin. "I doubt it," he says.

"I don't doubt it!" cries Robbie.

"Hmm," says Steve.

"Oh, what, hmm?"

Strickland says, "D'you know Jade only started hanging out with me because you ditched her?"

Robbie says, "Huh?"

"Yep," says Strickland, and pats his jacket, trying to remember where he's put his cigarettes. "At the end of last year. When you went on the soccer gig with your pretty sister."

"Oh, yeah," Robbie mutters, and feels bad, because yeah, of course that's what Jade would have told him, and now he's just lying to Steve too, who he guesses really is sort of a friend even though he's insane and a drug user. "I didn't know that."

"Yeah, well, that's how we became friends. And she talked on about how you were an enormous dick for like a month. Then you came back and she didn't hang out with me again all summer."

"What?" cries Robbie. That doesn't sound like Jade, to ignore her friends.

"Okay, not really, but practically. I'd call her to hang out and she'd just be all, sorry, Shapiro's back, then I'd have to hear some apparently funny story about something you did yesterday, and I was like, whoa, lady. She didn't ignore me, but really she just wanted to be with you all the time."

"Oh," says Robbie, floored.

"Yep," says Steve, and looks happy when he finally finds his pack of cigarettes. He pulls one out and lights it, muttering around it, "Then guess who came back in full force when you guys were fighting in October? Good old Steve."

"Oh," says Robbie again, and frowns. "But doesn't that make you feel bad – I mean, she was basically using you."

Steve just shrugs. "We all use people sometimes," he says, sounding wise, which is disturbing. "Plus she's cool to hang out with. So are you, which is why I don't mind being a substitute for Fabio right now."

"_Who?_"

"Uh. Your friend with the hair."

"Oh – oh, you mean Beck. Fabio! Jesus! That was a terrible reference."

Strickland grins.

"I'm not using you as a substitute!" Robbie cries. Is he?

"Okay," is all Strickland says, and then he smokes some more. "Just call Jade later if you wanna see her. You guys make such huge deals out of everything. Hang out if you wanna hang out, or don't. It's all cool, bro."

Huh. He's a bro now. "Okay," he says. "I'll call Jade later." Then he leans back against the edge of the bleachers and he falls into a light sleep, which is sort of interrupted every few minutes by Strickland, who hoots loudly and cheers for Jess's team.

* * *

Later when he gets home (Jess had practically fallen over when she'd run up to them after the game and saw Steve - "Robbie, who's your friend?" she'd gasped, and looked starstruck. Strickland had high-fived her and said, "Great job, Girl Shapiro! You kicked butt!"

Jess looked dreamy. Watch out, Karl Shuberg!) he calls the hospital to check on his father, who is doing the same, the nurse tells him, and that's not really good or bad, so Robbie frowns over that for a moment. Jess has a lot of homework and she disappears into her bedroom, and Robbie goes into his own room and calls Jade.

"Do you want to do something?" he asks her.

"Oh," Jade says in a weird voice. "Oh, well, I have plans."

"You do?" he asks doubtfully. "What are you doing? Who are you with?"

"Not with anyone really important," she says, and he hears a weird squawking noise in the background.

Oh my God! She's out with another boy! She's going to dump him!

"Oh," he says in a great depression.

Jade sighs heavily. "I'm – I'm – I'm with Tori."

"You are?" he cries in amazement. "But you hate Tori."

"No I don't," says Jade in an incredibly unconvincing tone. "She's not – she's not – that – bad."

"Are you really with Tori?" he asks sadly.

"Do you want to talk to her or something?" Jade snaps, then says in the same tone, "We're going to the mall. We're going to Glitter Gloss."

"You hate Glitter Gloss," says Robbie.

"No I don't," Jade grits out unconvincingly.

"Yes you do. You say all the pastel colors give you seizures."

"Well," says Jade. "Well. Sophia says I should try new things."

Robbie bites his lip. "Well … do you want me to come with you guys?"

"That's okay," says Jade, and then adds, still sounding pained, "I mean, it's girl time. Yay."

Over the line, he hears Tori say "Yay!" too in a tinny voice. At least Jade is actually with Tori and not lying to him. But it's still very weird. Maybe Tori is giving Jade tips on how to dump boys.

Life sucks.

"Okay," he just says doubtfully.

"Okay," Jade repeats. "So I'll just see you at school or something, right?"

"Right," he says glumly, and they hang up, and then he should probably do some homework too, but instead he just goes to sleep on his bed.

* * *

The next day Jade comes over to him at school, and he feels good, it feels good to see her, but then she just says, "So I've been talking to Beck," and that doesn't feel so good.

"Oh yeah?" he says, and is really quite shocked at the immediate bolt of jealousy he feels.

"Yeah," she says. "He's really upset."

"That's a shame," Robbie says blandly.

Jade rolls her eyes hard and crosses her arms across her chest, which usually means she's annoyed, and she leans on the locker beside him. "Come on, Shapiro," she says. "He's fucking irritating. He came to my house yesterday and did that crying thing - "

"He went to your house?" Robbie interrupts. Why can't Beck just leave things alone? Why does he have to run around consorting with Jade? They aren't dating anymore. Beck should know to back off. And, anyway: "I thought you were with Tori yesterday."

Jade looks more annoyed, and Robbie realizes he's interrupting her and not letting her speak the point she wants to make.. "I was," she says. "This was after."

Oh, so now Beck's making night calls. That's wonderful, really and truly.

Jade continues: "Look, he's an idiot, okay, we all know that. But he's just worried about you."

"He doesn't have to be worried about me."

Jade rolls her eyes. "He told me about your little fight."

"You knew about that already!"

Jade continues like he hasn't said anything: "I should've asked you about it before, I'm so – look, anyway, you guys are stupid, and seriously, Robbie, you shouldn't wazz Beck out about his dad - "

"I wasn't - !" cries Robbie in indigence.

" - because his dad is actually, you know, not a very fun drunk if you must know. You don't _actually_ know everything about Beck and his dad - "

"Oh, go ahead and take his side, you always do," Robbie snits illogically.

Jade raises her eyebrows at him. "Excuse me?"

"Nothing," Robbie grumbles, and he tries to turn back to his locker, but Jade grabs roughly at his elbow, which hurts him even though he thinks he does a good job of hiding it.

"Shapiro!" she says sharply, and he just looks at her, a little confused as to why she's getting so angry with him and also very resigned to it. "Look, I don't know what the hell your problem is. Obviously you're unhappy. If you're mad at me and you're mad at Beck - "

"I'm not mad at you," he interrupts.

"Okay." Jade rolls her eyes. "Well, listen. Why don't you just make up with Beck?"

"Because he's a jerk!" Robbie cries. "Why can't he make up with me?"

Jade looks, if possible, even more annoyed. "Do you pay attention to anything aside from what's right in front of your face?" she snaps. "He's _tried_. So can you just be the bigger person and get over it?"

He stares at her a little with his mouth open, because does Jade think Beck's right and he's single-minded too? And he doesn't know how to make up with Beck because usually when they fight it's just because Beck is crazy and not because Robbie is being a wazzhole and he doesn't know how to apologize to Beck for something like that, and Beck is a jerk anyway, and why is Jade so made about it? She must be on Beck's side, which upsets him, but maybe it's the right side to be on anyway. He doesn't even know anymore. He doesn't even really remember why Beck had told him he was single-minded in the first place, all he remembers really is that he's a wazzhole and a wazzbucket and he'd been really mean about Beck's dad. He thinks -

Then the bell is ringing and Jade finally drops his elbow and she's snarling, "Oh, whatever," and then she storms off towards Improv and Robbie is left standing alone.

**Author's Note: Two chapters because I am really forcing this thing out! Apparently I write the most when I have absolutely no time and now am leaving to go in for my tenth day of work straight. Sorry for the overuse of OC Steve Strickland, but Robbie needs a buffer who is neutral.**


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter Sixty-Three**

The day passes, and Jade is pretty silent at lunch, scowling and drawing all over Cat's English essay in red marker and demanding of her did she even read this book?

"Yes!" says Cat, looking hurt. "I did! I just thought of a better ending. I think Robert Redford should - "

Jade growls. Cat looks cowed, then pushes her essay aside and asks her if she wants to see that new Drake Bell movie after school. Jade looks pained because there's no way she would want to see that but for some reason she says sure anyway. Tori makes a hopeful face, so Jade bites out, "I guess Vega can come too." Tori squeaks in glee; Robbie resigns himself to another day without seeing Jade, and that was Wednesday.

After school on Thursday, he's ignoring his stage lights and searching for Jade, who hasn't shown up to play practice. He'd wanted to talk to her earlier in the day, but his head has been hurting pretty badly so he'd just put it down at lunch and not really talked to her or to Steve or to Tori who were giggling together and arguing over some old cartoon characters and flirting and generally being _disgusting_ and _horrible_. Beck was refusing to sit with Robbie and subsequently the rest of them so he and Ali had sat over across the courtyard with a few of Ali's band girl-friends and Robbie hadn't really had the energy to glare over at Beck earlier.

Eventually he does find Jade - she's in the small auditorium on the west wing of school, which is where Beck goes to rehearse, and she and Beck are the only ones in there. They're talking very quietly and standing close together and Jade touches his _shoulder, _ which is a very disturbing sight to Robbie because lately the only time Jade has touched Beck has been to punch him, and if she's going to rub his shoulder, who knows what else she's rubbing?

Oh God! He hadn't meant to make a sexual innuendo out of that but he had and now he can't stop thinking about it! Maybe Jade isn't getting any satisfaction from him and she needs to go back to Beck for – for – AUGH!

He fumbles, drops his bookbag, squeaks in horror runs away from the auditorium before either of them can look up and see him being a creep and gawking at them. He understands that he's being crazy and dramatic but he can't help it and anyway he doesn't really know what it is he wants to say to her.

It's then, as he's rounding the hall at the opposite end of the school, that he walks right into Kevin Vargas and two of his stupid cronies and he almost dies because he's going insane again probably and he can't stop himself from mouthing off when Vargas tells him to, "Watch yourself, geek."

"Sorry," Robbie says blandly, not very sorry, and he starts to turn away, but then Vargas asks him, "How's your bitch girlfriend doing?"

WAIT A DARN SECOND THERE, KEVIN VARGAS!

Robbie takes a second to fume over this language. "I prefer to think of her as 'high-strung," he says, and Vargas and his two friends (one of them is very short, maybe Cat-sized, and Robbie notices this absently and with slight inane amusement) scowl around at each other and look threatening.

At this point, he probably could listen to all of the voices in his head yelling at him to walk away very quickly and done so, but instead he just says, "I'm sorry, do you not understand what that term means?"

This makes Vargas mad. A lot of things make him mad, apparently. He gets right up in Robbie's face and he shoves at him rather roughly, and Robbie's back hits against the row of lockers, which _hurts _and, well, that makes him sort of mad, too.

"Are you calling me stupid?" Vargas asks up into his face, and Robbie notes with slight interest that he's actually two or three inches taller than Kevin, so he really does have to look up a little to sneer at Robbie. This makes him seem a whole lot less threatening.

"No," says Robbie, "but it's telling that you would ask that."

"You are such a freak!" says Vargas. He shoves him again, and what the heck, this guy is being really jank! His back has been hurting enough as it is, and up this close Vargas really just smells like a marijuana factory – do they have those? - which is really gross, and he's called Jade a bitch!

So Robbie thinks about all these things for a moment before he balls his hand into a fist and then he punches Kevin Vargas square in the face.

He doesn't really expect anything to happen aside from his hand maybe weakly glancing off the side of Vargas's face and then Vargas will probably cut him up into a thousand pieces, because he's never punched someone before and only sort of knows how from watching Jade teach Jefferson how to assault his giant stuffed animals.

What actually happens is that he probably gets very lucky, somehow, and maybe Vargas isn't expecting someone as demure and quiet as Robbie to haul off and slug him in the nose. But that is what happens there, and when Robbie's fist connects solidly with Vargas's face there's a spray of blood and Vargas almost_ falls over backwards_.

Honestly, it's sort of awesome, even though it's made his fist really, really hurt (noses are _sharp_ when you punch them!), and Vargas is reeling away and groaning and yelling, and Robbie watches this with interest. Then one of Vargas's cronies runs up and punches Robbie in the ear, and then jumps forward again at him and punches him in the eye and breaks his glasses everywhere.

Robbie cries out in incoherent pain, covering his eye, and the kid maybe glares at him (he can't tell, because his glasses are currently somewhere on the floor), and oh, crap, this is the part where he totally gets murdered, he thinks, and resigns himself to it.

Then suddenly there's Beck, who comes swooping out of seemingly nowhere. Robbie can't really see but he knows it must be Beck, a swirl of dark clothes and dark hair. He quickly comes up behind Kevin's friend and punches him in the back of the head, and then for good measure he grabs his t-shirt and throws him into a locker.

"Don't hit my friend!" Beck hollers, and then he grabs the little short guy who's just sort of been standing there and he throws him into the lockers too. "Get out of here, you stupid sophomore!" he yells to him, and the short kid makes a scared yelping sound and peels himself off of the row of lockers and scampers off.

"You fucking assholes," says Kevin Vargas, his words coming out sort of muffled. He has both hands over his bloodied nose and is sort of leaning forward, bending over his friend who's slowly picking himself up off the ground because Beck's _destroyed him._

"Shut up, Kevin!" Beck says, still yelling, and waves his arms around, which Robbie knows means he's very amped up. Ah, the thrill of being a delinquent, Robbie thinks absently, holding at his eye. "Quit starting things with Robbie! Jade doesn't love you, deal with it!"

Kevin starts to say something else so Beck yells, "I will punch you in your stupid broken nose!" Vargas just growls and starts to help his friend off.

Beck turns to him, and it seems like everything is just happening very fast. "Okay, now we run away," he says, and grabs at the collar of Robbie's shirt and they go off quickly down the hall after fumbling about for a few seconds to retrieve Robbie's broken glasses.

Once they've turned down a few hallways and slipped out of the school by the north exit, Beck seems to feel like they're gone far enough. He stops pulling Robbie and lets go of his collar, shoving his hands deep into his jacket pockets and commencing to look cool. Robbie sighs heavily and leans against the brick backing of the wall. "You just saved my life," he tells Beck.

"I know," says Beck, and looks blurrily pleased. Then he says, "I can't believe you punched Kevin Vargas, Robbie! Jade must be rubbing off on you." He looks pleased some more.

"Yeah," Robbie mutters, fiddling sadly with the broken wreck of his glasses. One lens has a huge crack through it, and they're sort of horribly bent.

Beck laughs. "You're going to have a black eye," he tells him.

"Yeah," Robbie says again dismally, wondering if he has enough male makeup left to cover it and hide it from his mom.

"You're lucky I know what your cry of pain sounds like," Beck tells him. "I wasn't even going to walk that way, but you know I'll only use the downstairs bathroom." Consideringly, he says, "I still have to pee."

"Thanks for saving me," Robbie says.

"Yeah," says Beck. "We're probably going to get jumped tomorrow." He looks happy. Then he adds, "By the way, I'm still mad at you."

"Oh." Robbie thinks about it. "Well, I'm still mad at you too."

Beck huffs, startled. "You – fine!" he yells.

"Fine," Robbie repeats. "And why – why're you off canoodling with Jade anyway?!"

Beck looks confused. "_Canoodling?_" he says. "What are you doing, spying on us?" He huffs some more. "And we were only talking about the talent showcase. She's nervous about it."

"Hmph," says Robbie. "She can talk to me if she's nervous."

"I know she can talk to you if she's nervous!" Beck snaps.

"Fine," Robbie snaps, because he doesn't really know what else to say and he wishes he hadn't brought up Jade because he doesn't want to talk about her with Beck anyway.

"Fine!" says Beck too, and glares at him for a moment before he stomps off towards his car.

Robbie drives home sort of haphazardly, because he's half-blind, thinking half-heartedly mean thoughts about Beck, but honestly he's pretty tired of fighting. He keeps hidden from his mother, which isn't really very hard because she isn't home anyway, and he sits in the kitchen and tries to do his homework. Jess breezes in a while later, and she gasps and squeaks over his eye and helps him tape up his glasses.

"Karl's parents took me to see Dad earlier," she tells him, as she's jabbing at a cut on his eyebrow with some alcohol and seeming very happy at his squeaks of pain.

"Yeah?" he says. He doesn't know why it's so hard for him to understand how - how easy it is for Jess to just talk to people about this, about their father who's sick and sort of crazy, and he tells her so.

Jess looks sort of puzzled. "Well, it's just what happens, Robbie," she says. "It makes me feel better to talk about it. Don't you feel better when you talk about it?"

"I guess so," he says doubtfully.

"Then why don't you!" says Jess like it's simple to do, and she goes off to eat ice cream for her dinner.

That was Thursday.

* * *

The next morning at Hollywood Arts, Jade and Tori spy him at the same time and run over. "Robbie!" Tori gasps, as Jade says, "What the hell happened to your eye?"

"I got into a fight," he says, and waits for Jade to yell at him, but then, since it's Jade, she just looks impressed.

"Please tell me it was you who broke Kevin Vargas's nose," she says in thrall. "Please, Shapiro, say you broke it."

"He was being rude," says Robbie, and Jade laughs in glee and hugs at him, which is nice.

Tori looks upset. "Robbie!" she cries again. "What's wrong with you? You can't go around punching people!"

"He started it," Robbie grumbles, and Tori shoots him a disapproving look while Jade continues to look pleased.

"I can't believe it," Tori continues. "You, of all people! I can't believe it! Robbie Shapiro, one of my closest friends, is a _bad seed_."

Jade looks happy at Tori's distress. Robbie starts, "Jade - " but then the bell's ringing and Tori does her late-for-class squawk (which is a different squawk than her _I-didn't-do-my-math-project_ squawk or her _oh-Jade-you're-being-really-offensive-right-now_ squawk) and grabs Jade's arm and Jade _does not punch Tori in the face!_ She just says, "See you later," to him and then they're going.

He doesn't get jumped by Kevin Vargas that day, who just looks at him darkly with his nose all taped up before slinking into a classroom. During study hall he sits at the same table as Beck, but they don't talk because Beck is trying to write his own English paper and Robbie still has about twelve pounds of Physics homework he hasn't done.

Oh, and they're still mad at each other anyway.

At lunch he's still trying to catch up so he tells Jade he's probably going to eat in the library. "That's fine," Jade says blandly, not really looking up from where she's gathering her textbooks. "I have to help – help – _Tori _– with something anyway."

"Oh," says Robbie, puzzled and disturbed and a little sad because he'd been about to invite her to come with him (once they'd made out behind the nonfiction bookshelf, and it had been exhilarating). "Well, I guess I'll – um, I'll see you in English?"

"Yep," says Jade, and then starts kicking her locker because it won't shut. She hates him.

He's sitting in the corner of the library with his papers spread around him when Andre creeps up beside him and almost gives him a heart attack.

"What are you doing in here?" he cries, then ducks down and blushes when the librarian looks up to glower at him.

Andre looks hurt. "Not, 'hi Andre,' or 'hey Andre, oh cool, you want to hang out with me?' Just, 'what are you doing here?' "

"Sorry," says Robbie in a much quieter voice. "Just, didn't you say before that being in here gives you a rash?"

"Yes," Andre says fervently. "But I think Beck and Ali are getting busy in that closet of theirs, plus no Strickland today. You know I love our girls but there's not enough testosterone at that damn table. They're all talkin' about some girly movie and whether or not Jade should buy pink lipstick."

"Oh," says Robbie.

"Yeah. And I _ain't_ going to find Beck," Andre tells him, and pulls out a chair and sits beside him, which is nice. He starts rattling around in his bookbag. "Here, I brought you a sandwich, man."

Robbie looks at it doubtfully.

"Jade bought it for you," Andre says. "She says it's a gluten-free roll. How is that even possible?"

"Oh," says Robbie again. "Well, when you break down the glucose - " Andre already looks like he doesn't care, so he switches the train of his words and says, "That was nice of her."

"Yeah. Everything cool with you guys?" Andre asks, and ducks down low to start unwrapping his own presumably non-gluten-free sandwich. They aren't really supposed to have food in the library, but Mrs Mullen will usually let it slide if you aren't waving your sandwich around at the ceiling and don't leave crumbs.

"I don't – I don't know," Robbie says. Andre raises his eyebrows at him, which means he wants details, so he continues: "I guess, I just, when my dad got sick again, I was sort of preoccupied. And I'm sort of a jerk. Beck's mad at me too. So I was, like, ignoring her a little bit. Now she's, you know, doesn't want to see me, or anything."

"Oh," Andre frowns. "Well, I don't know about that. Have you talked to her about it?"

"Um. Not really. Because of the avoiding thing."

"Did you tell her you just feel bad about your dad?"

"Sort of?" he tries, and Andre gives him another critical frown. "It's just – I don't know – it's personal, I guess?" he tries. "He's my dad, you know?"

"Well," says Andre. "Actually, I don't know."

"Um," says Robbie.

Andre lets his gaze flit over him and he takes a huge bite of his sandwich. "I mean … I've never met my dad."

"Oh," says Robbie, shocked.

"Yeah," says Andre, like it isn't even a big deal. "I mean I guess I met him when I was a baby. He left when I was like ten months old. And my mom is sort of … um, a free spirit. She's in the Peace Corps. That's why I live with my grandmother."

"Oh my god," Robbie says in desolation. "I'm sorry, Andre. I didn't know."

"It's okay," Andre says breezily, like it actually is, like it actually could be. "I've lived with my grandma since I was like ten. She used to be a lot cooler. Just, you know. Crazy. And getting crazier every day now." He makes a mournful face, the illusion of which is broken as he takes another colossal bite of his sandwich.

"How do you just - " Robbie makes a helpless hand motion. "Tell people that? You're so – so -"

Andre laughs at him. "It's not a big deal, Robbie," he says. "It's just my life. I don't know – it's not bad. It just is. I mean … I'm really sorry that your father is sick, though. I mean, not just with pneumonia. You know, all of it. But it helps to talk about those things, right?"

"I don't know," he says fretfully. "It's hard for me."

"I know it is," says Andre. He pats Robbie consolingly on the shoulder. "You and Beck – you guys're so sensitive."

Huh. Beck is sensitive? He wonders if Andre remembers how Beck had just yelled in exuberance about Mexicali girls for two weeks.

"Look," Andre is saying now. "I know it's different – I mean, I don't know my dad, so I guess I don't care that much... I don't have nothing to miss. But you were close with yours, I bet. And it's not ..." He pauses, thinking. "I mean, Jade told me a lot about Alzheimer's. So I guess it's not, I mean, I know it's not like he's going to magically get better from it. And that really sucks. So I get it when you don't want to talk about it. Makes you feel bad, huh?"

"Yeah," says Robbie, surprised. He hadn't known that Jade knew anything about Alzheimer's disease, really. Probably she had looked it up. This makes him feel bad, because he hadn't thought of her doing that.

When he tells Andre this, Andre just looks puzzled. "Well, if Jade told you that about her parents, wouldn't you want to know more about it?"

"I guess so," he says doubtfully.

Andre covertly opens his juice bottle, looking around nervously once more to make sure the librarian still isn't watching them. "Sometimes Jade surprises me by how not bad of a person she is," he says. "I mean, she may actually care about you!"

"Yeah," says Robbie in a great depression.

He knows that Jade actually cares about him. She cares about him, and he's done nothing but be horrible to her for two weeks now, and maybe he does have problems, but she told him that he can talk to her and he just can't and won't and he's being horrible and now she's just probably getting tired of him if she needs to hang out with - with _Tori _to get away from him.

He realizes that he's really very unhappy and it's all his fault - it's not because of Dad or his mom or because he thinks his friends don't care about him or any other stupid reason. He doesn't know why he has a hard time juggling life and all its problems, but he thinks he needs to do something about it.

He's always been this way – sort of – passive, he guesses. It's just by chance that good or bad things happen to him, and he never really stands up for himself or works at it to change these things or make them come to him. He just watches life go by him, he just watches things happen to him. He thinks the only active thing he's done – aside from getting into Hollywood Arts, maybe – was, well, getting Jade, and he really doesn't want to lose her, lose her as a girlfriend, or lose her friendship, because she's the only thing that makes him react.

He thinks he could start by actually going to her and apologizing to her, not just thinking about it and then running away when he sees her standing with someone else. He needs to actually get up and do something instead of just observing his life getting terrible because he's too nervous or tired or sad to do something about it.

Andre's waving his hand in front of his face. "Hello? Space cadet? Jade says I have to make sure you eat your sandwich."

"Oh, yeah," says Robbie, and starts unwrapping it under the table. He hasn't really been hungry for the past few days and he doesn't understand why. Everyone thinks he's getting depressed again, but he – well, he doesn't _think_ he is. Maybe he just needs more iron in his diet. Maybe he just needs to be better.

* * *

By the time he's done picking at his sandwich the bell is ringing and, oh, he totally didn't do any of that Physics homework, but it's almost the weekend anyway and surely he can just do it then. He's been too busy thinking of what he should say to Jade. He and Andre gather up their books and they head out into the hallway and then they part, Robbie going off to find the girl in question and Andre strolling off to his own science class, which, he notes happily, is definitely not Physics and never will be.

"Jade!" he says loudly when he turns the hall and sees her, and she looks at him, sort of startled, because really he's only about ten feet away and he probably didn't need to yell like that. He scratches his neck. "Hi."

"Hey," she says back, a little cautiously, which makes him feel all sorts of terrible.

"Um," he says, and takes two steps closer. Jade watches him approach with interest. "Can we talk?"

"I guess so," she says, and he comes another few steps until they're standing next to each other. He clears his throat.

"Jade," he says, and then stops because he's very nervous. She keeps looking at him curiously and sort of expectantly, slowing drawing her hand back from her locker and turning to face him fully. "Jade," he says again, "I'm sorry if you're mad at me."

Jade looks surprised. "I'm not … mad at you," she says slowly.

"Oh," he says, and stares, because everything he'd been planning to say had been based on the idea of her being very angry at him. "You aren't?"

"Well," she says in an awkward tone. "Not _mad_ mad. I know you have … things to deal with."

"Um," he says. "But I shouldn't be ignoring you. Can I – can I talk to you?"

Jade tilts her mouth up in an unimpressed half-smile at him. "You asked that already. We are talking."

"Yeah," he says, and swallows hard. "Jade, if you want to break up with me, it's okay. I just hope we can stay friends. Because - "

"_What?_" says Jade.

"I – ! If you don't want to be with me anymore. Because I - "

"What the hell are you_ talking _about?" Jade demands.

"If you," Robbie gulps. "If you want to, if you like Beck again."

Jade just stares at him. "What?" she says again.

"You – I – you guys were in the auditorium. I saw you in the auditorium."

Jade continues to stare, so he helpfully adds: "After school. Yesterday."

"Okay," says Jade slowly. "And you think that I'm ... with Beck."

"Uhm," says Robbie, because honestly he's not entirely sure what he's trying to say.

Jade continues: "Because you saw us … talking … which is what people sometimes actually do, Shapiro … together."

"Um," he says.

"You wazzhole!" Jade hollers, and shoves him. "How dare you!"

"How dare _me_?!" he squeaks out before Jade pummels him into the side of a locker.

"I don't like Beck!" Jade cries. "You idiot! I've been dating _you _for four months! And – what the hell, Robbie! Beck has a girlfriend! What the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't know!" he cries back. "You're avoiding me!"

"I am not!" exclaims Jade. "I'm not avoiding you! You're avoiding _me,_ and - and you keep talking to Rainah!"

"Wha – huh?" Rainah?! Why is she talking about Rainah?! He hadn't even known that Jade actually knew what the girl's real name was!

Jade glares at him, and crosses her arms over her chest, which means she's uncomfortable. "The other day. You skipped class to talk to her. Then you blew me off and didn't want to hang out with me."

"You – I didn't skip class to talk to Rainah! I skipped class to sleep in the library!"

"Oh," says Jade.

"She came up to me like two minutes before you saw me. She's – she's – I mean, she's barely my friend, I feel bad, but I – you ... are you_ jealous_ of Rainah?"

"_No,_" says Jade vehemently, which may actually mean yes. "Are you jealous of Beck?"

"Yes!" cries Robbie.

"Oh." Jade looks confused. "Well, why?"

"Because – because it's Beck! And, and you were with him for so long! And he's – so much cooler than me, and better, and his hair doesn't look like a sheep! D'you remember when you said that, you said my hair looked like a sheep?"

"Oh Christ," Jade cries out in a very put-upon way, and she sort of waves her hands at his face in frustration, maybe making a sort of strangling motion. "Shapiro," she snaps, "I freaking love you, but I will not hesitate to punch you in your stupid face."

Oh. _Oh._

"You - ?" he says, and swallows, because she's never said it before, no.

Jade just looks at him, her face open and somehow sad for him. She seems to know what it is that he can't ask. "You idiot," she says softly. "Of course I love you."

"I didn't - " starts Robbie. "I wasn't – I'm sorry."

"Yeah," says Jade awkwardly. "Well, now you know. So shut the hell up. Beck isn't better than you."

"I just," says Robbie. "I don't like Rainah, if you think I like Rainah. I just want to be with you."

"Well," says Jade, still looking awkward as she folds her arms across her chest once more. "Okay then. So you need to – to stop acting like this. I mean, I get it, but it's ... it really sucks, Robbie."

"I'm sorry," he says. "I wanted to talk to you before. But you've been avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you," bites out Jade. "I'm – I'm giving you _space_!"

Robbie stares. "But I don't want space," he says in desolation. "Why do you think I want space?"

"Because – because you didn't want me to go to your sister's stupid game! And Tori said I should, like, give you some time to yourself!"

"_Tori?_" Robbie asks incredulously. "You … You actually listened to something _Tori_ said? What happened to 'never listen to Vega?'"

"That's _different_," retorts Jade, looking upset, and she crosses her arms tighter across her chest, and he stares because – well. Robbie isn't sure if they're still fighting or not, but her chest sure looks nice. Hey, it's been a very lonely two weeks! He has really missed – oops, she's talking again. "We're girls," she says. "We don't have same rules that guys do."

"Why have you been spending so much time with Tori?" he asks doubtfully.

Jade purses her lips at him, making a discontent face at him. "She's – well, she and Cat are sort of close now, I guess. She sucks but she's not ... a total bitch. And I'm giving you –_ space _– so I need to do _something,_ you know? And you always wanted me to be friends with Tori, didn't you?"

"Oh," he says, touched. "I didn't – I mean, Jade, I don't care who your friends are."

"I know that," Jade says irritably. "But – look, you're friends with Steve, right? So I can, like, tolerate Vega. If you want more space."

"I just miss you," he blurts out.

Jade looks relieved. "Yesterday Tori and I made T-shirts," she says, and he takes this to mean that she misses him a lot too.

"Um. Really?"

"Yes," says Jade in a pained voice. "Tori used lots of glitter. And I made you a shirt."

"Oh yeah?"

"It says Puppet Free Since 2011."

Robbie grins, and Jade smiles back a little before she realizes they're having a, like, moment, and drops his gaze. "So," she says.

"I have – I want, I want to say something," he stutters. Jade arches her eyebrow and looks at him, and she waits.

And waits.

And waits.

"Robbie!" she says, and pokes him in the collarbone, which hurts a surprising amount. He supposes he hasn't warranted a collarbone-poke in a while though and therefore has gotten used to the cushy life where Jade does not abuse his fragile bones.

"Sorry!" he yelps. "I just, I'm nervous."

"Great," says Jade. "Surprising."

Robbie huffs slightly. "You – look, I'm really sorry for the way I've been acting."

"Yeah, I know."

"No - ! I mean, you don't know. I, I do this thing, I think, where I think things, and I just expect people to automatically know what they are, I guess."

Jade makes a weird face at him, and he breathes and continues:

"Uh, and they, they don't. Um, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm – I mean, I've been upset about my dad, and that sucks, but it isn't like last year, I swear, I just, should talk to you more – I don't know what's wrong with me. Just, I get so weird, and I'm all not – experienced, and and Beck is, experienced, and I talked to Andre, did you know his mom is in the Peace Corps?

"And I don't know why I can't be like that, like it's easy, and talk about things, and then you – and Beck, Beck's hair, and Steve Strickland said I would be a pretty girl, and I've just been a very bad boyfriend, and I think – I think you should be with someone better than me."

"You're right," says Jade, and his heart sinks.

"Oh," he says, but then Jade cuts him off to continue: "You're right, I have no idea what you're talking about. All I got from that was that Beck has hair and you're a pretty girl."

At least she's keyed in on the pretty part.

"Jade!" he says. "Were you really not listening to me?"

"What, all your feelings mumbo-jumbo?"

Robbie frowns. "You're the one who said we should be talking more."

"I know I did," Jade says, looking upset. Then she sighs heavily. "Fine. Look, Robbie, I already knew all this stuff."

"Um?" he says a little awkwardly.

"I mean, I already knew you were completely insane, I've known that since, like, freshman year."

"Right," he says, blushing. "Of course."

"And yeah, I knew Andre's mom isn't around – good for him?"

"But he's so casual about it," Robbie says in misery. "And I can't – I mean, I'm always getting … wazzed out over my dad."

Jade looks momentarily pleased over his use of the word '_wazzed_,' and then her brow creases. "So what?" she says. "You aren't like Andre. You were really close to your dad. And that sucks. I mean, I don't like to talk about my mom, right?"

"I guess not," he says doubtfully.

"So ..." Jade says slowly. "So okay. It's okay. I mean, I know all of it. I still wanna be with you, okay, dorkbait?"

"Okay," he squeaks.

Jade pauses to think a little, then says, "What are you doing after school?"

Robbie thinks about it, remembering. "I told my mom – I have to go to the nursing home, and pick up clothes for my dad. He's getting better, he can sit up and stuff, so - "

"Okay," says Jade. "So I'll come with you."

"You - " he stares at her. "You wanna come with me?"

"Well, sure," she says. "I mean – I'm your girlfriend, we – we do that stuff, don't we?"

"I guess so," he says doubtfully. He doesn't know, as he hasn't had a girlfriend before.

Jade nods decisively. "Yeah," she says. "I'll drive you. You look like you're going to fall over."

"You wanna go _now_?" he asks incredulously. Sixth period has started while they're been talking and they're surely late by now. They're probably going to finish The Great Gatsby today, he thinks, and tells her so.

Jade rolls her eyes at him. "We'll just watch the movie later," she tells him, and looks incredibly proud of him when he agrees to skip class.

Sneaking out of the school is a lot easier than Robbie'd ever expected it to be – they just walk out the side doors and go around to the parking lot, and no one's there to stop them. The sky is overcast, gray clouds roiling, but as they cross the lot, a little sliver of sun peeks out to shine down on them.

She takes his hand, and they go.

**Author's Note: One of my longest chapters, probably, after the formatting kicks in. We're almost to the end, guys!**** I have to thank BernardMarx for fixing my 8,000 errors in this chapter. :)  
**

**Last time Cenobite829 said that it felt like the story was dragging a bit and going in circles, and that made me happy because that's how it was _supposed_ to feel and you were supposed to be like WTF ARE YOU DOING ROBBIE WE ALREADY WENT THROUGH THIS 30 CHAPTERS AGO. It may not be thrilling storytelling, but I think it's true to life - people have a hard time actually changing and they'll often just fall into the same patterns, in Robbie's case passivity. Anyway, hopefully I (well, Robbie) fixed that a little, and I have one last little twist that will make you all go, "Ohhh," and hopefully laugh a little.  
**


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter Sixty-Four**

They don't talk much on the drive to the Sterling Home, and Jade keeps the radio low, because Robbie tells her he has a headache.

They take Robbie's car and he feels very pleased when Jade takes the time to buckle her seatbelt and adjust the mirrors before she backs out of the parking space and starts out of Hollywood Arts onto the highway. He understands that she is trying to be good and to please him, and he feels sort of awed and really touched by it, even though for Jade being good just means being sort of normal.

"Why d'you feel so shitty all the time lately?" she asks. "Are you getting sick too?"

"I dunno," he mumbles, rubbing at his arm, which itches. Maybe he's getting a rash or something. "I'm just tired."

Jade hums in concern and stays pretty quiet after that. She even uses her turn-signal as she makes the left onto the road that the nursing home is on. Robbie spends the time he has to loll his head back against the headrest and send admiring glances over at her: the clean sweep of her hair that's shining and pushed back behind her ear (and the ear itself, which is cute, and has four piercings now), her pale neck with the tiny freckle just below her jaw that he likes, her mouth which is full and sort of pink with a new lipstick. Probably she and Tori had picked it out at Glitter Gloss.

She glances over at him a few times, but she doesn't tell him to stop gawking at her or try and hit him in the stomach as she may have in the past. She just smirks a little bit and mostly keeps her eyes on the road. He'd like to touch her, but Jade gets distracted quickly and easily while driving, and he'd really rather not crash.

They pull into the parking lot of the Sterling Home and Jade parks in the front, in one of the visitor spots. She unhooks her seatbelt, turning a little to look out the window at the Home, and Robbie notes that she looks sort of nervous.

"You don't have to come in here," he tells her, remembering that day by the river forever ago, when she'd told him she doesn't like old people. Jade squares her shoulders, though, looking determined, and says, "No, it's all right."

Robbie holds the door open for her as they go into the lobby. Jade smiles at him, and that's all it is, just a smile, and it's a wonderful thing – a smile from Jade with no malice or hidden meaning.

He waves at a few of the residents that are milling about, but he doesn't go over to talk to any of them for a number of reasons.

He doesn't want to stay here today, not for any longer than they have to – Dad isn't here, and the place is making his head hurt. He also doesn't want Jade to feel uncomfortable. They exchange quick words with the receptionist and they head upstairs. Jade looks puzzled, so Robbie tells her: "There's an elevator for the residents who're in wheelchairs to use."

"Oh," she says. Then she musingly looks around and says, "They should get one of those electric chairs that attaches to the staircase, so they could ride up. That'd be cool."

Robbie smiles.

"My grandfather had one of those things," Jade tells him, and they've reached the top of the stairs now so she leans back against the banister. "I used to sit in it and read Babar going up and down the stairs. It was so fun. But I got a peanut stuck in circuit thing and broke it."

"I think a peanut would probably kill me," Robbie says thoughtfully, and Jade laughs at him.

They head down the hall. "This is my dad's room," Robbie says, motioning.

"Okay," says Jade. "I'll just – I'll wait out here."

Robbie frowns. "You don't have to," he says. "I mean, I don't mind."

"It's okay," says Jade. "I mean, it's - " she falls silent.

"What?" he presses, trying to be gentle, trying to be cautious. Jade can still be sort of like a gift-wrapped bomb, and he's learned that you have to be careful when you're unwrapping such things.

"It's really – it's really _sad_, okay? It makes me sad. And that makes me feel shitty, because of, you know, how _you _must feel. So if you don't … I mean, I'll just give you some privacy."

"Okay," he says, surprised. "I didn't know it made you feel so bad."

Jade shrugs, looking at her shoes with an incredibly amount of interest. "Well –_ yeah._"

"Okay," he says again. In a weird way, he's even more touched that she's taken him here now. "Okay, you can hang out here. But you know, they may try to _talk_ to you." He casts an exaggeratedly wary look around the hallway. The only resident in sight currently is Mr. Norton, who's slowly wheeling himself past the adjacent hallway, using one hand to roll his wheelchair forward and eating a cookie with the other.

Jade punches his shoulder and gasps slightly, her eyebrows shooting up. "Shut up, Robbie!" she says, looking at Mr. Norton in what might actually be slight nervousness.

Robbie laughs. "He's deaf. And he wouldn't care anyway."

Jade scowls. "Well don't worry, if more of them show up I'll probably scream."

"They're coming to get you Barbara," Robbie says, and waggles his fingers at her, and Jade laughs and looks happy because he's quoting zombie movies.

"You're ignorant!" she tells him, punching him again, and Robbie smiles and walks off into his dad's bedroom.

He pulls Dad's suitcase out of his closet and makes quick work of packing a few of his father's outfits inside, then thinks about it and adds some pajamas too, and a toothbrush. He looks around at all the pictures of their family on the wall and on the dresser, all the books that Dad doesn't really read anymore, and he puts some of them in there too - just in case. Then he fluffs Dad's pillow for no reason and rearranges the photo frames on his desk. He lets himself stand in the room for a moment more, feeling sad, and then he breathes out heavy and goes back into the hallway.

Jade's just coming out of a room a ways down from him and across the hall. "Some lady made me wheel her in there," she says in explanation. "She told me a joke about naked men." Then she looks considering. "It was sort of funny."

"Oh God, that's Mrs. Freeman," Robbie says darkly. "She is such a pervert, Jade!"

Jade snorts.

"I'm serious!" Robbie says, and hefts the suitcase. "I think she used to be a nymphomaniac. She makes these, these plans with her roommate – Mrs. Thomas always goes, 'Oh, Robbie, I'm stuck on the door, can you bring me to my room?' and when I go past her, Mrs. Freeman grabs my _butt_."

Jade throws her head back and laughs uproariously. "That's awesome."

"It is not. It's degrading!"

"Poor baby, you're so sought after," Jade says, patting his face, and then she laughs some more because his life is just so amusing to her. "You got everything?"

"Yeah," he says, lifting the suitcase once more. "We can go now."

"All right," Jade says, and makes no secret of looking slightly relieved. They troop back down the stairs (Mr. Norton is still making his slow progress down the hall towards the elevator, and Robbie gives his shoulder a pat as they pass), back down through the lobby, and out to his car. Once they're out in the parking lot, Jade grabs at his butt (he screams) and then jumps away from him, laughing anew.

"Was that degrading?" she asks him.

"No," says Robbie, and grins. "That was exhilarating."

* * *

They don't spend very much time at the hospital either, because Robbie can tell just by looking at Jade's face that this is another place she doesn't like very much, and he's fine with that – honestly, he's never enjoyed being here either. He stops into his dad's room quickly (Dad is sleeping. He still looks pale and small, and Robbie notes with shocked sadness that nearly all of his curly hair is greying now) while Jade wanders off to find the waiting room.

Jess is there with Karl Shuberg, which is nice (he guesses), but a little weird. What fourteen year old boy would want to hang out at a hospital with a girl he likes?

"A good one," Jade says when they're leaving.

Anyway, Jess is there with Karl, and they've practically depleted the vending machine yet again, sharing a pack of Twizzlers and watching a movie on some little electronic device of Karl's. They're sitting close together with their plastic hospital chairs touching, and when Robbie hovers too close and Jess scrunches her eyebrows down in fury at him.

"Oh," says Robbie, getting the hint. "Well. I guess I'll just leave you tots be."

"_Tots?_" Jess mouths up in him in mortification, and glares hard at him as Jade snickers into her hand. Karl just looks unsure at everything, and Robbie's a little happy to see that the kid's still a bit afraid of him. He hopes that he looks very threatening with his blackened eye and taped-up glasses. Robbie makes an apologetic face back at Jess, who glowers some more and begins to open her mouth, probably to say something embarrassing about him.

But Jade saves him. "Shapiro and I are going to my house, right, Robbie?" she says, taking his elbow and pulling him away slightly from his sister and her … god, her _beau_.

"Yep," he says.

Jess looks happy to be left alone. "Did you bring Dad's pajamas, Robbie?"

"Yes I did," he says, proud of himself for remembering.

"Okay," Jess says, turning back to the little video screen. "Karl's mom is going to take me home later. But Mom should be home tonight."

"Okay," he says, and lets Jade pull him back down the hallway.

* * *

The Wests' house is shockingly silent and empty when they reach it – he knows that Jade's parents aren't home an awful lot, but there's always the telltale thuds and shrieks of Jefferson. It's only a little after four, and Jade looks pained when Robbie asks her about him.

"He's at _bowling_ practice," she says, and continues to look upset. "Only the dorkiest sport there is." She sighs in a heavy way. Robbie thinks a bowling ball could be used as a pretty kick-butt weapon, and Jade seems a little happier when he tells her this. Then she tugs on his sleeve. "Come on," she says, pulling him towards the stairs. "I _don't_ want to talk about Jeff."

They go upstairs to her room, and Jade laughs at him a little when he collapses on her on her bed. He runs his hands up her sides and lays his head on her stomach. "This is all I wanted," he says. She puts her hand in his hair, which is something he likes.

"What, to lay on me?"

"Yes," he says fervently. "I'm so – I'm so tired."

"Yeah?" says Jade. "So take a nap."

He wiggles up until he's facing her. "I love you."

"I love you too, dork," Jade says, twisting her fingers in his hair.

Robbie hums happily and wiggles against her again, laying his head down in the space between her neck and shoulder, and rubs his face there lightly.

"Shapiro," Jade says, snorting a little and petting at his hair, "are you getting _frisky?_"

He picks his head up to grin at her. "Maybe," he says. Then: "Can I kiss you?" he asks, because he isn't sure.

She laughs at him again. "Yeah," she says. "You don't have to ask that, stupid."

"I just don't want you to punch me again," he says.

"I won't punch you," she murmurs, and then she shifts up a little to meet him, and god, it's been over a whole week since he's even got to kiss her properly. He leans in to meet her lips, a bit hesitantly at first, because it's almost new again, then he kisses her with more sureness as she tightens her hand at the back of his neck.

Her mouth is warm and sweet, and she opens it to him, deepening the kiss, and he sighs a little and brings a hand up to touch the side of her face. She bites at his lower lip, and maybe he sort of moans into her mouth, which is sort of embarrassing. She must like it, though, because she pulls at his hair a little harder and she winds her other arm around his waist and digs her nails into the small of his back, and, okay, he's getting a little – you know,_ happy,_ and he really can't help but push his hips down onto hers and she pushes hers_ up_ and oh god, that's really awesome.

He kisses her neck a little bit and he holds his hand on her hip and she says, "_God,_ Robbie," in what is possibly the most awesome tone on the planet. Her hand moves to wrap around his forearm, the arm that's holding down her hip, and her nails dig into his upper wrist in sharp points that will leave a mark later. She leans up once more to kiss him in a rather demanding way, and he feels a little dizzy and more than a little helpless, because this is Jade, and whatever they're doing – however they're moving or laying or walking or talking – she always has quite a bit of control over him.

"Jade," he says, "I love you so much."

Then Jade just pokes him in the neck and says, "Dude, you've got like four pimples on your neck right now, gross!" and she pokes him again.

Life sucks.

"Ow!" he cries out, and shifts off of her to rub at his poor neck. "Jade, they really hurt!"

"I didn't think you even _got_ pimples, you lucky jerk," Jade says, sitting up and batting at him. "Lemme see."

"No!" he cries. "What the heck! I don't want you to look at how gross I am! I just started getting them today. I've got them on my back too, and my chest. They _hurt_."

"Oh yeah?" says Jade. "Um." She gives him the most absurdly concerned and sort of guilty glance. "Do they itch?"

"What? You – I don't know, sort of? Mostly they just hurt, who cares?"

"Um," says Jade again, and bites her lip. Slowly, she says, "Shapiro … did you ever get the chickenpox when you were little?"

What the heck? Why is she asking him about chickenpox?! He liked the world a lot more three minutes ago, when he was on top of her and they were kissing.

"I don't know," he says. "I don't remember."

Jade just stares at him. "Um … you'd remember getting them. Did you get vaccinated?"

"Probably not. I'd probably be allergic."

"Oh," says Jade. "Well, great."

"Why?"

Jade rolls her eyes. "That's what Jeff was sick with a couple weeks ago. He gave you chickenpox!"

"He _infected _me?" cries Robbie.

Jade hits at him, but lightly now, because he's infected and is probably going to die soon. "Didn't I tell you to stay out of his room? Did I not tell you he was quarantined?"

"I didn't know!" cries Robbie.

"Well, I didn't know either!" says Jade. "Everyone I know got them when they were like eight!"

"Jade!" he says. "I'm going to _die_!"

Jade scoffs. "You aren't going to die," she says. "Jesus. Well, at least we solved why you're been feeling so shitty. Why don't you take care of yourself?!"

"I do take care of myself!"

Jade glares at him. "You can't go running around doing everything when you don't feel good! You always try to do everything."

Robbie frowns. He supposes this is why he's been so tired lately. He guesses that his friends don't really understand that, what with all his allergies and jank immune system, he never exactly feels great, so when he's feeling particularly bad, he doesn't really think much of it. Jade continues: "I'm going to go call your mother."

"My mother?" Robbie cries in dismay.

"Um, dude, chickenpox is serious shit when you're an adult," Jade tells him, already moving off the bed. "You need to go to the hospital."

"I'm going to die!" he wails again.

"You're not going to die!" Jade yells, looking upset anyway.

He doesn't die, but he does spend the next two weeks covered in a horrible rash and wishing he _was_ dead. Robbie goes on the internet and looks up the disease while Jade calls his mother and talks to her.

"Jade!" he screams as she's hanging up with Mom. "I'm going to get shingles! I'm going to die!"

"You idiot!" says Jade. "You can't die! We haven't even had sex yet!"

Robbie turns purple, which he's sure looks very lovely combined with all his chicken bumps.

Jade drives him to the hospital and doctors poke at him a lot and tell him he's lucky that he came in when he did (lucky because he could actually seriously maybe _die_! Moses!). They give him lots of pills and antibiotics and tell him to stay inside and not to move too much.

Mom looks upset. "Your primary doctor was a quack," she says. "He told us it would be better to just expose you to the virus. But we wised up and had your sister vaccinated the next year ... I don't know how I didn't notice you never getting it."

Robbie moans loudly, and Jade and Mom continue to look upset. Then Mom frowns sharply, moving closer to touch his face. "Robert," she says. "What happened to your _eye_? And your _glasses?_"

"Uh," says Robbie, and Jade quickly says: "He fell."

Mom looks critical and unconvinced, so Robbie moans again and says, "Oh god, the pain, the chickenpox, the room is spinning!" Mom just sighs and goes to the front desk to give back his paperwork.

When they get back to his house, Jade calls Beck, who yells hysterically at her and wants to come over, but Mom forbids it. She doesn't want Robbie to get too worked up. Jade gives him her phone so Robbie can talk to him.

"Robbie!" cries Beck. "I'm so sorry! You aren't a wazzhole! Please don't die!"

"I'm sorry too," says Robbie. "I'm a single-minded jerk. Oh God, Beck, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too!" says Beck. "I made you a CD to show you how sad I was! Please let's be best friends again!"

"Of course you're my best friend," Robbie says. "Beck! I can't die with us being mad at each other!"

"Oh Jesus Christ!" hollers Jade, and snatches the phone away from him before Beck can reply. "He's not going to die, idiot!" Beck squeals some more until Jade finally hangs up on him.

* * *

He lays on the couch a lot, moaning loudly whenever his mother or sister walk by. Jess looks sympathetic and sits with him a lot. She even gives him full control of the television, and they watch the Dingo Channel for a whole day.

"Robert," says Mom as she comes home one afternoon to find the living room in utter darkness and Robbie covered in blankets on the couch as Jess clumsily plays the funeral march at his request on their old piano, "I don't really think that is necessary."

"I just want it all to be over," Robbie moans, and scratches at a bump on his neck. Mom slaps his hand away, and he cries out dramatically.

"Stop it!" Mom says. "Do you want scarring?"

"It doesn't matter," says Robbie. "Just make it a closed casket funeral."

Mom sighs in tiredness as Jessica sniffles dramatically.

Jade comes over a little later that day with her brother, who's sniffling a lot too and holding a bouquet of flowers he's picked from Sophia's garden for Robbie (Robbie has a sneaking suspicion that Sophia doesn't know Jeff's ruined her flowerbeds). Jade looks incredibly burdened as she leads Jeff into the room, who immediately wails and flings himself at Robbie's feet.

"Robbie I'm sorry I infected you!" he screams. "Please don't die! I don't want my sister to get married to anyone else!"

Jade makes a low sound of rage and horror.

"Jeff," Robbie says, "I need you to be strong. When I'm gone, you'll have to take care of Michelle. She'll need a father figure. Can you - "

"Oh Christ, everyone I know is insane," says Jade, and stalks off to the kitchen to talk to Robbie's mother.

Beck and Ali come to visit him, and Beck holds his hand and is chagrined and teary as Ali tries not to look too amused at them and putters around, opening up the curtains.

"Ali," Robbie moans, "the light hurts my eyes. I'm dying."

"Ali!" Beck yells, chasing her away from the curtains. "The light hurts his eyes! He's dying!"

Even Steve Strickland comes to see him one day!

"You look horrible, man," he says in sympathy.

"Thanks," Robbie says dryly.

"Have you been scratching much?"

"No," says Robbie. "Jade won't let me. She says if I have more than three scars when it's over, she'll break up with me."

Strickland nods sadly as though he understands Robbie's plight. "I didn't get chickenpox til I was fourteen," he says. He keeps roving around the room, picking up trinkets and turning them over, and Mom's peering out from the kitchen at him, appalled. "It was the worst. But man, you look super shitty. Your whole neck is red! You look like a reptile."

"Thanks," Robbie says again.

Jade is very good to him for the nine days (not counting the weekend) that he's out of school. She comes over after class every day and sits with him, and she only makes it a point to tell him he looks horrible once or twice daily. She gives him all of his missed homework and even does some of it because she claims he's too weak to hold a pencil. When she gets tired of homework and studying, he puts his head in her lap and she reads to him or they watch Big Cat Diary together. She doesn't even say anything at all when Robbie cries a little bit at one episode where a little cheetah cub is abandoned by its mom.

Jade is just the nicest girl in the world, he thinks, looking up at her from where he's laying. She just keeps it a secret. "Quit staring at me," Jade says, and pinches him.

Jade pets his hair and tells him about her day and how the play is going and keeps him updated on Hollywood Arts gossip, which he doesn't care about so much, but it's nice to hear her talk.

"And then Sikowitz walked out of the teacher's bathroom with his tie all undone and his wig missing," she tells him. "Guess who walked out after."

"Lane?" Robbie guesses.

"Nope."

"Um … Ms. Berokowski?"

Jade makes a horrible face at the thought of their Lit Media teacher coupling with anyone in any regard. "No!"

"Sinjin?"

Jade hits him. "Helen!"

"No!" gasps Robbie, and Jade looks happy that he's reacted appropriately.

"Also," she says, and stops looking happy, "Tori is at the mall right now with Strickland."

"_Really?_" says Robbie, happy for them both even though Steve Strickland is practically a kingpin and he doesn't want innocent and sweet Tori to take a bullet that isn't meant for her in some sort of drug bust.

"Stop being happy!" says Jade. "Do you _ship_ them or something? I would have gone, but I'm stuck taking care of you, and your pathetic and skinny ass. They're just buying him new sneakers."

"That's how it starts," says Robbie, still happy, even though he doesn't really understand how 'ship' can be used as a verb, and Jade rolls her eyes and turns up the TV.

The girls all come over one day early during the second week to take care of him. He's not so red anymore, but his whole body aches now, and he's tired and dizzy. Robbie's glasses hurt his face, so Jade takes them off and puts them on the coffee tables beside him. She sits down next to him and pets his hair gently. He presses his face into her leg and sighs. "I love you," he says.

"Oh Jesus!" grumbles Jade, who won't say it back to him since the girls are there. "You are such a damn _baby._"

Robbie squeaks sadly.

"Did you eat anything today?" Jade demands.

"I cannot eat, for I am dying," Robbie says.

Jade growls something intelligible, and, to his eternal chagrin, stands and moves away from him, muttering something about making him soup.

"I don't want any soup," Robbie whines at her blurry disappearing figure.

"Do you want another blanket, Robbie?" Cat asks him, as Tori nicely fluffs his pillow.

"No," he says petulantly, meaning yes, which Cat seems to understand, and scampers off. He lays back and sighs dramatically until Cat comes back and covers him with an orange afghan.

Jade passes by blurrily in his peripheral vision (when did she come back from the kitchen? Where is his soup? He hopes it isn't tomato) and he grabs weakly at her as she passes.

"Jade," he says, clutching at the arm of the dark-haired girl, "I love you so much. I need you to know that."

"Um," says Cat from beside him.

"Don't speak!" cries Robbie. "You don't have to say it back, Jade. You are my teenage dream. I just hope that, after I die, you'll have an appropriate mourning period for me before moving on. I would like to - "

"Shapiro, what the hell are you doing clinging to Tori?" Jade's voices floats over to him from the other side of the room.

"Oh," he says, and drops Tori's arm. Then: "Tori!" he cries, flustered.

Tori giggles sadly. "Sorry, Robbie. You were being really serious. I thought I'd just let you go with it."

"I'm sorry, Jade," he says. "I can't see."

"Oh, shut up, you cheating bastard," Jade says drolly, and Robbie squeaks in sad indignation as Cat and Tori giggle some more.

Jade slams what he presumes to be a bowl of soup onto the coffee table beside him. "Are you going to eat this?" she demands.

"I can't eat anything," he says, "I'm dying, Jade."

"Oh my god," says Jade in what sounds to be great pain. "You aren't dying, idiot."

"Jade, don't call him names," says Cat, sounding sad. "He's dying!"

"You were always sweet to me, Cat," Robbie tells her. "Will you deliver my eulogy?"

"Robbie, stop it!" Tori admonishes, sounding torn between being upset and amused.

"Where is Jade?" Robbie asks desperately, and gropes blindly at the air. "I need Jade."

Jade makes a noise that sounds like, "Ugh," and she comes and sits beside him. He waves his wrist weakly at her, and she growls again before taking his hand roughly. "_What?_" she growls.

"Nothing," he says feebly, chastised. "I just love you."

Jade clutches his hand very hard in rage. The blurry shapes of Cat and Tori turn towards her, presumably in great interest. "I love you too, you enormous baby," Jade grits out, and Cat squeaks happily. Then Jade hits him very hard on the shoulder. "Will you eat your goddamn food! I slaved over this soup, Shapiro."

"I'm sure it was very hard to put a can of soup in the microwave, Jade," Tori says, sounding like she's smiling.

"There wasn't an electric can opener, Vega! The people in this household are _freaks._"

"Will you feed me, Jade?" Robbie asks, making himself sound as weak as he can muster.

Jade pours the soup on his head. Luckily, it's lukewarm.


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter Sixty-Five**

Dad gets over his pneumonia and goes back to the Sterling Home. Robbie hasn't been able to see him yet, since he's been essentially quarantined by his mother and Jessica and Jade. By mid-April, though, almost two weeks after Jade had discovered his chickenpox by way of impromptu makeout session, he's mostly healed, and ready to go back to school the next day.

"I hope this isn't going to be a yearly trend," Jade says, "you flipping out just in time for spring."

"I didn't flip out," Robbie whines, even though he's sort of glad that Jade just makes light of the fact that he occasionally goes a little insane and doesn't hedge around it like most other people would. He reaches up and goes to scratch his neck before he remembers it doesn't itch anymore. They're talking on the phone that evening, so Jade can't see what he's doing and hit him to stop it (he scratches his neck anyway just for this reason). "I'm not going to flip out."

Jade says: "You promise?"

"Yeah," he says, feeling that weird guilty feeling that always creeps up whenever he thinks of this time last year, and also still sort of awed because _Jade_ _cares about him_. "Yeah, I promise."

"Good," she just continues blithely. "Because I want to go to the beach a lot this month. And you'll have to take me." Her car's transmission has finally fully gone, and she's very sad about it. Mostly Tori has been driving her around, she's told Robbie, and Vega doesn't like any good music _at all_.

Anyway, Robbie has no qualms with taking Jade to the beach. At _all_. Beach is bikini territory, and bikinis make him happy, especially when they are worn by Jade. "Okay," he says.

"And are you going to pick me up for school tomorrow?"

"Of course," he says. Then: "Does Cat need a ride too?" Cat's car is in just as bad of shape as Jade's is, but Cat doesn't really care, as she'll be in New York in a few months and won't have the need for one.

Jade makes a noncommittal noise, and Robbie can picture her shrugging. "No," she says, "Andre's been taking her everywhere."

Andre's finally saved up for a car, a giant boat of a thing with paint peeling off and a loud engine, and he's ecstatic over it. Over the past four days he's driven to Robbie's _six_ times to see him, mostly just because he can. "I wonder what's going on with them," Robbie says.

Jade snorts. "Don't be dense, Shapiro."

"Andre says he doesn't want to ask her out again!"

"Yeah, and Cat says she doesn't want to ask him out again."

"So I don't get it!"

They discuss the ballad of Cat and Andre (Jade keeps calling them 'Candre,' which is cute) for a while. Jade wonders if they're becoming one of those couples that likes to discuss other non-couples and their problems.

"Maybe," says Robbie, happy to be thought of as part of a 'couple.' "Hey, d'you think Tori would go with Steve to - "

"No!" interrupts Jade loudly. "No Steve! No Tori! Shut up!"

"But," says Robbie, and Jade makes a high-pitched noise of pain to silence him. She's learned that from Sophia, and it works quite well. Robbie pulls the phone from his face to rub at his ear. "Okay, okay!"

Jade sounds happy, changing the subject to chatter on about her brother, who's just gotten his very first detention.

"What'd he do?" Robbie asks.

Jade pauses for a prideful moment, then starts to tell Robbie the tale of Jefferson and the principal's office full of three hundred plastic spiders. She's taught him well, Robbie thinks. Maybe next year he'll upgrade to food booby-traps.

"Yeah," says Jade, sounding thoughtful and pleased. "Yeah, maybe."

* * *

Robbie'd spent the last two weeks in a rather blissful albeit painful cloud of sleep and Jade, sleep and homework, sleep and really bad daytime soap operas that no one ever needs to know about, the haze rather heavily induced by all the antibiotics he'd been given. It doesn't feel as though he's been away from his other friends for very long at all, though it seems the world has continued on without him.

The school's spring showcase is exactly a week away, next Friday, starting off with the Junior / Senior play and being followed by the rest of the students' solo acts. Jade has been acting manic all day about it – probably for longer, though she's shielded Robbie quite well from this while he's been sick. Two weeks after that is senior Prome, which is once again being directed by Tori. Tori has been acting manic all day about it. She hasn't been shielding anyone from it.

It's his first day back at school, and earlier, by his locker, the two girls had nearly torn him apart.

"You're going to help me, right, Robbie?" Tori had asked, frantically rolling up one of her notebooks into a tight cone.

Robbie looked at it warily. "Yes," he said, because he didn't want to get hit. His skin was still sort of delicate, you know. "Of course, Tori."

"What do you mean 'Of course Tori!'" Jade hollered from beside him, and then she had battered him a bit with her coffee thermos. He'd wondered if Jade would be the one pay to have his sweater vest dry-cleaned, but very nicely had decided not to ask her about it at that point in time. "You're doing the play!"

Tori had looked more panicked.

"Um," said Robbie. "Uh. I can do both."

The girls looked alternately doubtful (Tori) and murderous (Jade).

"Tori still doesn't have a date for Prome," Cat broke in politely, coming up sneakily behind Robbie like a redheaded ninja. He'd managed not to scream and had only clutched at Jade a little.

Tori's face had pulled down into an upset expression. "I don't need a date," she'd claimed, trying for 'haughty' but ending up on 'irrevocably depressed.' "I am Prome _coordinator._ I don't have _time_ for a date."

"Is that why you're screening for one on The Slap?" Cat asked. Jade had looked happy.

"I'm considering my options!" Tori screamed, and then had walked quickly away from them, muttering something about crepe swan decorations and still violently twisting her notebook up.

"Jade," Robbie had said consideringly, "do you want to go to - "

"I hope you aren't asking me to Prome, because that would be stupid," Jade said, and slurped her coffee.

Robbie sighed loudly. "No, of course not," he said. "Why would I ever do that."

Jade had smiled brightly at him. "Because you're kind of stupid, darling."

Robbie'd sighed again, and Jade moved closer to put her arm around his shoulder, leaning on him (and apparently, you know, not wanting to go to Prome with him). Cat had pulled a love letter – one of the first of many - out of her locker. "Jade, another boy asked me to the dance!" she cried.

Here Andre had appeared out of nowhere to look murderous. Before he could say anything, though, the bell had rang, and then the girls were splitting from them, and he and Robbie had trooped off to Guitar Theory to fret about their respective lack of Prome dates.

Robbie wrote himself a list of why Jade should go to the dance with him as Andre spoke vehemently about how he wasn't glaring, he just had indigestion, and why did everyone still think he liked Cat? Robbie, who hadn't said a single word on the topic of Cat to prompt this, stayed mum as Andre ranted on.

Maybe if he made some sort of big romantic gesture, he thought, to make Jade fall into his arms and want to go to Prome with him. He knew that Sikowitz had a lobster costume in his classroom and a megaphone, but he couldn't work out how to make the two work to his advantage.

Now it's lunch time. Robbie's trying to finish his Physics homework early (Jade wants to hang out later and has told him not to be boring) and the rest of the group is slowly filtering to their usual table. It's windy out today. Some of Jade's hair bats him in the face, and he pauses to carefully tuck it behind her ear.

"Don't get your pen ink on me, Shapiro," she says. "Can I eat your french fries?"

"That's why I bought them," he says, picking his pen up again.

Cat giggles and pokes at him. "Do you have any chicken pox scars, Robbie?" she asks.

He ducks to avoid her hand. "Cat! I'm trying to finish my science assignment!"

Jade looks happy. "He has one on his - "

"Jade!" he screams.

"Nevermind."

Cat laughs again. "I already know about it," she tells Robbie confidentially. "I just wanted to see if you'd say it."

Good lord! Jade just tells Cat everything about their relationship, doesn't she?

"I'll never say it," he mutters, flipping to the next page in his Physics text, ears turning pink.

Tori sits down and continues to be upset about Prome and Jade continues to be gleeful about it. The courtyard is much louder at lunch than Robbie's remembered, or perhaps all the students are just jazzed up about the school year coming to a slow close.

"Are you going to the dance, Steve?" Tori asks.

Strickland, sitting across from her, casts a look around like a caged animal. "I don't really go to dances," he says. He drinks some of his soda and looks nervous.

"Oh, right," says Tori, crushed. "Of course. Just curious."

Robbie frowns thoughtfully.

"Stop thinking," Jade tells him.

"You can come with me and Ali, Tori," Beck tells her generously. "There's always room for more in our relationship."

Tori looks perturbed. Ali shrugs blithely.

"You really don't know who you're going with yet, Tori?" Cat asks. She's got all of her love letters (there are a few different ones from various underclassmen that she's gathered throughout the day) all spread out around her at the table. Jade is now picking through them with extreme glee. Some of them are poems.

Tori looks more upset. "Well," she says, "I mean. No. I mean. A few nice guys have asked me out, but - " she looks crestfallen - "they're all so _short._ I'd like to wear heels, you know. I found a pair that match my dress."

"Oh, _God_, no," says Jade for some reason.

"So you need a tall guy?" says Robbie, and stares hard at Steve, who looks at his homework in fascination like he's considering doing it for the first time ever.

Cat shoves her pile of letters towards Tori. "Do you wanna pick through mine?" she asks. "I don't mind."

"That's okay, Cat," Tori says, smiling a little.

Jade screams a little in happiness. "This one almost rhymes," she says, waving the paper a little and smacking Robbie in the face. She recites: "_Dandy candy mouth._ Oh my God. _Your hair the color of fire sparks. They ring about throughout my heart._"

Andre squeezes his juice bottle so tightly the cap flies off. Strickland wipes some grape juice off of his binder without looking up. Jade laughs very hard.

"_Tiny dancer dancing daunting,_" she quotes, wiping a tear away. "What does that even _mean?_" Tori looks upset because, Robbie guesses, no one's written her any poems about dancing dauntingly.

"I'm just not sure," says Cat, oblivious to the chaos she's creating. "I mean, I'd really like to go with someone I know better. But he does dress really nice, you know?"

Robbie takes the paper from Jade's hand and wrinkles his nose up at it. "_You're my cupcake goddess?"_ he says. Jade sort of screams again, but he reads on: "_Red velvet frosting heart?_ Wow, Cat."

Andre makes a choked noise.

Cat sighs. "I just think - " she starts, but then is interrupted by the sound of Robbie gasping.

"Cat!" he cries in horror. "Oh my God! At the end of this, he talks about the size of your - "

"Oh yeah, I know. Last week I was wearing this - "

Andre slams down his juice bottle and the whole table vibrates with his rage. "Cat Valentine!" he hollers. "Get rid of those damn notes!"

Cat looks at him, startled, and the rest of the group looks at him, interested.

Andre makes another choked sound. "You're going to Prome with me!" he yells.

Cat beams serenely. "Kay kay!" she says, and grabs the pile of notes and tosses them behind her shoulder. They all flutter to the ground, and Jade looks at them, disappointed. She takes remaining note that she's holding and puts it in her binder.

"In case we fight," she says to Robbie, and then laughs some more. "In case I ever need to serenade you. My tiny dancer." She pets his hair.

Robbie thinks. "You know," he says slowly, "we could dance at Prome."

Jade laughs. "You're an idiot," she says.

* * *

"So I think you should go to Prome," Robbie tells Steve on Monday of the next week after he's convinced Robbie to skip his last class and they're sitting in the deserted gymnasium. Steve is smoking, of course, and at this, he snorts some smoke out of his nose at Robbie.

"No thanks," he says.

Robbie frowns. "You don't want to?"

"Nope."

"Well," says Robbie haltingly. "What if someone wanted you to go? What if someone, like, really liked you, and wanted you to go? And they were, like, _really_ nice."

"Are you asking me out, Shapiro?" Steve grins.

"No!" Robbie squeaks. "Not me! I just, well - "

"The last time I went to Prom I found my girlfriend making out with the drama teacher and someone spilled a whole bottle of V8 on me," Steve says, and smokes some more.

Robbie furrows his brow. He does remember Jade saying something about Steve being hung up on his old girlfriend. He hadn't known it was a tale of infidelity! Poor Steve. "But it's not Prom, Steve. It's different! It's Prome."

Steve just stares at him, unimpressed.

Robbie continues: "If you asked – oh, you know, _Tori,_ I don't think she would kiss Sikowitz. I think - "

"Drop it, dude," Strickland says, a hint of annoyance creeping into his voice. He looks petulant and ashes onto the bleachers.

"But - "

"Not going to Prom."

"Prome!"

Strickland stares and smokes some more. Robbie sighs. "If you - "

"Don't you need to get to the auditorium?" Steve stands abruptly. "I gotta get home anyway. Later, Shapiro."

Robbie's a terrible matchmatcher. Also, he's now late for play practice, and Jade may kill him. It would be a horrible thing, to be killed by her before he's figured out how to get her to go to Prome with him.

* * *

After play practice ends he's at Cat's house with Jade and Beck and Ali, taking up space on her sofa. One of the small dogs is sleeping on his lap and Jade's sitting on the floor beside him, looking very serious as she builds a tower on the coffee table with some Kinnex. She seems to be in a pretty good mood today, despite the fact that the play is just four days away now and she claims the rest of the school to be incompetent. Cat is sort of floating around the room, being happy and talking to Tori on the phone. "Tori," she says, "don't worry. We'll find you a date."

Robbie thinks. "Hey Jade," he says. "Will you do something for me?"

Jade looks warily up at him. "What is it?"

Robbie leans down and whispers in her ear, and Jade recoils. "That's disgusting!" she cries, scaring the sleeping dog. "Why would I want to do that?"

Robbie whispers some more. Beck and Ali, across the room, look intrigued.

"I guess so," Jade says doubtfully, listening. "There's still nothing good in it for me."

"Well." Robbie thinks. "Well, if you can do it, I'll – I'll do that thing you like."

"What thing?"

"That – that thing I sometimes do." Jade stares. Robbie blushes. "You know, that thing. That you like."

"Oh! Really? You'll do the thing?"

"Yes," Robbie sighs in resignation. "I'll do the thing."

Beck stares.

Jade chews on her bottom lip, thinking. Finally, she says: "Fine, I'll try. But I want you to do, like, the whole thing. No wimping out. I want, you know, a whole one."

"A_ whole one!_"

"What you're asking me to do is a terrible thing, Shapiro. So I want - " she pauses to think, carefully picking her words, since there are others in the room "- I want you to do it all."

"But I get_ tired!_" Robbie cries.

Beck furrows his brow greatly.

"I don't care. You do the thing or I won't do your thing."

Robbie considers it, then sighs. "Oh, fine."

"Okay." Jade looks happy. "You can come over tonight and do it."

"You have to do your thing first!"

"Oh, I will." Jade pats his cheek. "Don't you worry."

Beck and Ali stare.

Robbie flushes some more. "What?" he says. "Aren't we supposed to be doing homework?" He makes a big show of riffling through his bookbag.

A little later he drops Jade off at her house and she does off to do her thing. "You can come back over at eight," she says. "It'll all be over then." She looks very put-upon.

"You don't have to do it right away," Robbie tells her, because she looks so upset by it. Jade just sighs and shuts the door in his face.

* * *

He's just finishing eating dinner with his sister when Tori calls him. He looks at his phone for a moment, surprised, before picking up it.

"Steve Strickland asked me to Prome!" Tori screams in glee.

Robbie grins. Jade is so good.

"Oh yeah?" he asks, sitting on the couch to listen.

Tori bubbles on happily: "I was so surprised – I mean, before he didn't even sound like he wanted to go, but he just called me – how did he get my number? - and said he'd been thinking - " here she sighs dreamily at the thought of Strickland_ thinking_ - "and he just asked me! So now everything's all set and I don't have to go on a threesome date with Beck and Alison. Oh, Robbie, I'm so happy."

"That's really nice," says Robbie. "I guess you really wanted to go with him, huh?"

"_No,_" says Tori vehemently. "I was not even considering him. It's just, you know, it's nice to be asked."

"Huh," says Robbie. "Well, that's really cool."

Tori still sounds dreamy. "Yeah," she says. She starts prattling on about decorations and setlist music and colored frosting. Robbie feels happy.

"I told you I'd do it," Jade says later that evening once he's come to her house.

"Wow," says Robbie again. "You work fast, West."

Jade smirks. "I believe we have a bargain to uphold."

Robbie shifts nervously. "How did you get Steve to ask her?" he asks. "When I tried to talk to him, he just got all sulky."

"That's because you're stupid," Jade says. "Did you even tell him that Tori likes him?"

"Um," says Robbie. "I think so. I said her name?"

Jade rolls her eyes at him. "Well, it was easy. Guys are so easy. I can make them do whatever I want."

Great. Wonderful, really.

She looks thoughtful. "I'm a little disappointed at how fast he agreed, to be honest. I didn't even have to threaten him with bodily harm." She pouts. "You know that's the fun part. I was looking forward to that part."

"I know," Robbie consoles her.

"Anyway," she says, "I told him he had to go to Prome if he wanted to get into the awesome after-party at your house."

"The … _what? _At _where_?!"

"Hm?" Jade hums innocently and moves to her bed, where she stretches out languidly on her back.

"Jade!" he cries in frustration. "You can't just throw a party at my house without even asking me! And anyway, if you're, if you have to go to get in – are you going to go with me to Pr-"

"Bored now," she intones loudly. "Don't you have your half of the deal to uphold? I'm waiting! Come on, Shapiro."

Robbie sighs. "Oh, fine," he mutters, and goes to sit beside her. "What do you have for me?"

Jade pauses for a long moment, enjoying his trepidation. Then she motions to her end table. Robbie reaches over and picks up the object that's resting haphazardly atop her alarm clock.

He groans when he sees what book it is. "Oh god, Jade! _Pet Sematary?_ That's so _long! _And you've read this before!"

"But it's my favorite," says Jade, and looks happy.

"I have to read you this _whole_ thing? God, we'll be in college by the time I'm done!"

Jade continues to look pleased and evil. "What did you think I'd pick?"

"I don't know, like an Arthur book or something? I was hoping it was something short."

"You said you would do it," Jade warns him.

Robbie sighs once more. A bargain is a bargain."I know I did." He opens to the first page and clears his throat.

Jade interrupts him before he can start: "And I want you to do voices. Make it sound like the movie!"

"Oh, of course," Robbie mumbles in resignation. "Make it sound like the movie. Why would I ever not do that." He begins to read to her: "_Louis Creed, who had lost his father at three and who had - _"

"Don't forget the author foreword," Jade says brightly.

* * *

The week passes and Robbie tries to be very good to Jade on the off chance that she'll decide to go to Prome with him. He still feels like he's messed up a lot with her lately and he doesn't want to ruin things somehow. He stays late at school with her after everyone else has gone home and helps her run her lines. He checks all the stage equipment and makes sure he changes all the light bulbs.

Then it's opening night and they run through the dress rehearsal and everything's going fine, and then he gets a call from his sister who needs a ride home from the freaking middle of Los Angeles.

"What are you doing in the city?" Robbie screams quietly at her from his place up by the spotlight.

"Well, Lizzie's sister drove us," Jess pouts. "Can't you just come and bring me to your school? I want to see Jade's play anyway!"

Robbie frets.

"Are you really going to strand me here?" Jess asks him. "Lizzie said we would work on our homework. I didn't expect her to just leave me for some boy!"

Beck looks sort of alarmed when Robbie tells him he's running to get his sister. "Now?" he asks. "Rob, people are, like, already showing up to get seats for this thing."

Robbie frowns at his phone, checking the time. "I've got over an hour," he says, and waves the PearPhone in Beck's face, like that proves something.

"Hour and eighteen minutes," Beck says doubtfully. "Well, you better tell Jade you're going." At Robbie's look, he shrugs, and adds: "_I'm_ not telling her, man."

He and Beck slink through the auditorium – holy cheese! There really are already people here getting seats! - and head up to the backstage area. Jade is getting her stage makeup done. She bats away the hands of the junior that's applying it and turns to frown at the boys. How does she already know something's up?

"You're leaving?" she cries once Robbie tells her he has to go pick up Jess. "You can't leave! You're doing all the lighting!"

"But," says Robbie very nervously. "My sister. Being vulnerable and young. In LA."

Jade just gives him a very murderous look that says she doesn't particularly care about the plight of the young and impressionable Jess right now.

"If I'm not back in time," he tries to console her, "Sinjin can do the lighting."

"I don't _want_ Sinjin to do the lighting," Jade says. She looks really upset, which in turn makes him upset. "Just hurry, okay?"

"Okay," he says. "Okay, so I'll just. Be back in time."

Jade just sort of growls an unintelligible response at him and turns and stomps away further backstage. Then Beck's sweeping in and shoving at his shoulders to get him in gear. "Go, go!" Beck exclaims. "Hour and twelve minutes, Robbie!"

Robbie starts running.

So he goes to his car and he gets on the freeway and he gets Jess, and thank god she seems to understand he's got someplace to be and is waiting for him out in the parking lot of the restaurant she's at. There's a bit of traffic on the way back and Robbie screams a few times.

"Oh my God, Robbie!" Jess cries out at one point. "Thirty-seven miles per hour in a twenty-five zone? Where did my sensible and rule-abiding brother go?"

Robbie growls. Sisters think they're so funny.

When they finally make it back to Hollywood Arts Robbie drags Jess up out of his car and shoves her into the building. Her soccer cleats leave grass stains on the linoleum floors of the school. "Go sit with Tori!" he screams, and runs off to backstage to let Jade know that he's returned.

He doesn't see her right away, and oh god he needs to get back up by the lights with Sinjin in like two minutes, and he's really scared that he won't see her at all and she'll think he's missing the play and she'll be furious the whole time she's acting and he'll ruin it and then she'll probably never speak to him again, but then luckily he hears her voice above everything, screaming at the boy who plays lead opposite her. Robbie dashes over to her and catches her by the waist, picking her up and swinging her away from her co-star, who's about to get a fist right to his face. Jade elbows Robbie in the nose before she can see who it is.

"Jade!" he cries out as his glasses fly off his face. "These frames are expensive!"

"Oh, it's you," Jade says, turning to face him as he relinquishes his hold on her waist. "I didn't think you'd make it."

"I said I would, didn't I?" he asks, and Jade sort of smiles for a minute before she realizes there's five minutes to curtain call and starts screaming some more and shoving at him.

"Hurry up!" she says, shoving his glasses back on his face, and then she grabs the front of his shirt to pull him in and kiss him. "Don't fuck this up, Shapiro," she tells him gravely, which really means _thank you for being here. _She gives him another push towards the stage exit.

"Okay," he says. "I won't."

**Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, folks! Real-life has been kicking my butt, and I was very unhappy with this chapter and had to take a break so that I could edit. Anyway, as always, you guys are the besty best, and I love you all. :)**

**The next chapter is being written, and it shall be the last! HURRAY!**


	66. Chapter 66

**Author's Note: **

**All right. I completely lied – the ending of TYSW is two chapters, and they're both severely long. I just let myself run with it. I won't apologize for the filler moments, as they are sweet, and this story needs some sweetness.**

**I am upping this story to an M rating due to a scene in Chapter 67. It's not graphic in the least, probably doesn't need it, but I'm changing it anyway, so be forewarned: third base ahead!**

**There will be a short epilogue up soon further tying everything up nicely.**

**Thanks for staying with me on this ride, guys! I have thoroughly enjoyed playing about in the Victorious fandom. Keep watching for Teen Spirit updates, which is a companion to this story through Jade's eyes.**

**Chapter Sixty-Six**

Robbie doesn't mess up the play. He remembers all his cues and he trains the lights on Jade and none of the bulbs explode this time. It's easy for him to keep the spotlight on Jade, because he can't stop looking at her.

Andre finds him afterward when he slinks down after the stage is being cleared to watch some of the other students' performances.

"Man, Jade did good!" Andre says happily. "I didn't think they'd ever stop applauding. Hey, is that guy in the checkered suit her dad? I kinda remember her brother from her re-entry video."

"Yeah," says Robbie, trying not to smile. He's sure Jade is very upset over her father's choice of attire. "That's him."

Andre gives a low whistle. "Man, her mom is hot."

"Stepmom," Robbie corrects absently. He'd caught a glimpse of the family earlier - Sophia in a red dress and Jeff pressed closely beside her, wearing a too-small pirate costume.

"I don't care if it's her mom, her stepmom, or her uncle's third cousin," Andre informs him. "She's hot!"

"Uh-hrm," says Robbie vaguely, because Jade has, like, supersonic hearing as well as sight – he really thinks she may have made a pact with a demon for these powers (how else could she have known that, in Mexico, he'd been in a pool with three blonde girls for exactly four minutes?) – and he doesn't need to have her somehow hear either his agreement or disagreement about the hotness of Sophia.

Andre continues on, satisfied: "Are you going backstage to see Jade? I heard some of the sophomores complaining because the dressing room is filled with flowers. Some girl had an allergic reaction!"

"Oops," says Robbie guiltily.

"Those are from you?"

"Yeah," says Robbie. "I ordered them earlier this week. Do you think a dozen dozen roses was too much?"

"Um," says Andre, looking a little gobsmacked. "Depends. What color are they?"

"Black."

"Oh. Cool. Nah man, then you're good."

Robbie smiles. He and Andre watch a few of the kids perform. Beck does his Shakespeare soliloquy to ringing applause, flowers, and not one but two undergarments thrown at him.

Andre furrows his brows up at the stage, where Beck is taking his final bow. "Who the heck sent Beck calla lilies?"

"Oh. That was me too! Do you think he likes them?"

Andre gives him a weird look and doesn't really respond.

On stage, Cat sings a duet with a fellow senior, the two of them careening about the stage on unicycles. Sinjin and Ali perform their woodwinds piece. Steve Strickland plays a six minute long guitar solo.

Tori wanders over with Jess in tow and they slither rather noisly into some seats beside the boys. "Hi guys!" she says happily, then beams up at the stage. "Oh, look at Steve!"

Robbie and Andre roll their eyes. Tori and Jess both look sort of starstruck over him, and they expertly ignore the boys.

Tori eventually wriggles around to grin at Robbie. "You did so good!" she cries, and in front of them, a man hisses out a shush. Tori shoots him a brief offended look, then continues speaking, in a slightly more quieted tone: "And Jade! She looked so pretty! Oh my gosh! Why aren't you with her?"

"I wanted to see Beck's act," says Robbie. "Have you seen him?"

"He says thanks for the flowers, Robbie," Jess says.

Robbie grins. "I knew he'd like them!"

Tori and Andre both send him a weird look. Geez! What's with everyone thinking guys can't appreciate flowers?

Tori reaches over Andre to shove at Robbie a bit. "Quit talking about flowers for Beck and go see your girlfriend!" she exclaims.

"You don't need to be violent, Tori," he says, getting up, and walks off grinning to the sound of her exasperated huff.

He finds Jade alone in the dressing room off the stage, surrounded by her hundred-some black flowers. She's still in her frilly Emily dress and is sitting at a mirror, slowly taking off all her makeup. She grins when she sees his reflection and rolls her head back to look at him. He watches her long dark hair fall down her back. "You're ridiculous," she says.

Robbie sits on the bench beside her. "I got a deal on them," he says. "Cat's brother's friend who works at the flower shop. Fern?"

Jade laughs.

"Do you like them?"

"Yeah, I like them." She knocks at his elbow with her own and smiles some more, then brushes her hair back behind her shoulders. Robbie watches her in the mirror and grins - he looks kind of doofy, he thinks, smiling at her like this, but that's okay. "Idiot." Then she says, "Thanks for coming back on time."

"Jade," he says, "you don't even know. I sped in a residential zone for you."

She laughs some more. "You must be serious about me," she says, wiping some more makeup off of her face. Her eyes look big and bottomless without all her eyeliner.

"I am so serious about you," says Robbie before he can help himself, and then feels a bit stupid because he's done that thing again where someone will make a joke and he just goes and turns it into a huge deal and makes everything awkward.

All Jade does, though, is smile a little, and cast him a long glance in the mirror. "Okay," she says quietly. She doesn't, like – she doesn't say it back, or anything, but she doesn't scowl at him or tease him or hit him, and Robbie has learned to take these little things as they come. It's so nice, sitting here with her in the quiet emptiness of the dressing room, watching her take the rest of her makeup off, and she doesn't scream at him to stop looking at her, either. She just leans in quickly to kiss the side of his face and then sets about removing all of her mascara, and he feels – yeah, pretty good.

Finally she moves to get up from the bench, speaking to him as she stands and starts to pull her hair into a ponytail. "They still performing out there?"

"I think so," he says. "You missed Beck."

"Shame," Jade says, and then she smirks meanly.

"He did good," Robbie tells her. Jade makes an unimpressed sound.

"_You_ did so good," he tells her. "You were amazing."

Jade rolls her eyes at him like he's stupid and tries not to smile. "Yeah, I know," she says loftily. She crosses the cluttered room and picks her bookbag up from one of the shelves. "I have to get changed," she tells him.

"Oh," he says, and blushes. "Do you want me to leave?"

She shrugs a little, not bothered. "I'll just go behind the curtain. It's not like you haven't seen it anyway."

Robbie turns purple, and Jade laughs at him. "What? You've seen me in a bathing suit. It's the same stuff, Shapiro!"

"That's different," he says. "That's _underwear._"

"Oh, yeah, and me in my underwear is so terrible," Jade grunts as she disappears behind the partition.

"_No_," he says, wondering just how hard he can blush before he bursts a vessel and blood starts spattering out of his ears. "Just not at school."

He wonders if Jade is going to push it.

They've always been very physical in their relationship – always physical in whatever their relationship has been, even back two years ago, but then it was just her constantly hitting at him instead of kissing him – physical, yes, but not really sexual.

They kiss a lot and grope and Robbie's got Jade without her shirt on quite a few times and that's really wonderful, but that's pretty much it, all they've done – aside from that sort-of accidental third base touching that had occurred in his car the one night, but it had been dark and Jade probably hadn't meant to put her hand there anyway. Besides that, Cat had popped up in the backseat two seconds later and Robbie still has no idea how she'd gotten there, why, or how long she'd been there.

Anyway, so there's those things, and Robbie feels safe in touching Jade in whatever places she has made exposed to him (her chest, he definitely enjoys it when she exposes her chest to him, yes), and Jade can kiss him and bite at his neck to all hell and leave marks on him and then kiss him some more, and that's all fine.

It's when things start to get really heated that - well, neither of them really makes a fuss to stop or pull away, but they always just sort of stagnate right around there anyhow. It's maddening and also entirely not maddening. Robbie figures if Jade wants more, she'll take it, and he's fine with that. And if she doesn't want more, he's also fine with that, because he is absolutely a dork virgin and he has no idea what girls want or what girls like and honestly it's all a bit terrifying. Sure, he can _think_ about things, but actually doing them or having the courage to do them – especially to do them _right_! - is an entirely different story.

Also, they're at _school!_

But Jade doesn't press the issue, just going behind the changing curtain and throwing her dress off at him and talking on about how so-and-so totally flubbed their lines as she changes. Robbie feels a little dumb and jerky and like a horn-dog for sitting here obsessing about sex or their lack of sex when Jade is obviously just still happy about the play and wants to talk about it.

He's still blushing a little bit and trying to collect his thoughts by the time she finishes dressing and comes out and stares at him, wearing those plaid pants and one of her torn up band t-shirts. She gives him a little glare.

"Why're you all red?" she demands.

"Um," he says, thinking even though Jade is far more experienced she probably still wouldn't much appreciate him yelling out _SEX!_ at her. "You."

"Me?" Jade says, crossing her arms. He brings up the other thing that's been on his mind:

"Whywon'tyougotoPromewithme," he says in a rush. "IjustwanttotakeyoutoProme."

Jade just stares at him for a very long moment, probably trying to decipher what he's just said. Then she snorts a little and drops her arms. "You are such an idiot," she says. "Of course I'm going to Prome with you."

"Oh," he says, and stares, mollified.

Jade glowers some more, taking a little step towards him. "Why do you even think you have to ask?" she says.

"Oh," he says again, feeling pleased. "Okay." He beams at her.

Jade allows him a small smile, then looks stern. "My dress is blue," she tells him. "I expect you to match."

"Okay," he says, and reaches out for her hand. Jade allows herself to be pulled towards him, and she settles down on his lap.

"So stupid," she tells him, and then kisses him. "Like, you may actually be retarded."

"Mmph," says Robbie, because she's just leaned in and kissed him again. He puts his arms around her and lets himself kiss her back. She pauses to take his glasses off of his face. She sets them down carefully on the makeup table beside them (he feels a little awed at the care she's been giving his new glasses), then leans in again. His arm slides up from her shoulder to cradle the side of her face. Her skin is so soft, he thinks. She -

Then Andre walks casually into the dressing room, looks at them, and cries, "Oh chizz, you guys never stop, do you?"

Robbie flushes. Jade looks very unimpressed. "No one ever lets us start," she growls out, and, much to Robbie's eternal sadness, moves from his lap to stand once more. "Help us with these flowers, Harris."

She hands Robbie his glasses back, and the three of them start gathering up all of the flowers. Andre praises Jade a lot, because he also knows it's harder for her to be mean when someone does that. They find Jade's father and stepmother out in the auditorium, and then they all troop out to her father's van. Mr West looks sort of overwhelmed as his trunk begins to overflow with black roses.

The rest of the group filters out eventually – Beck's holding Ali's hand and looking happy and still glowing from his performance. "Thanks for the flowers, Robbie," he says. "I'm going to put them in a vase when I get home."

Everyone including Sophia, getting into the car beside them, gives the boys a weird look.

Beck continues, unaware: "So, what are we doing? Are we going out to get food?" He adds happily, "I like it when we get food, guys."

"We know that," says Tori, rolling her eyes in a sort of affectionate way. Steve Strickland comes up behind her and tugs on her purse strap.

Tori squeak a little, turns, then squeaks once more when she sees who it is. "Oh, hi Steve," she says moonily. She brushes her hair behind her ears in a sort of dreamy way.

"Hey Tor," Steve says back, just as moonily. He also brushes his hair back dreamily. Robbie rolls his eyes and files this away to tease them about later. He still hasn't quite forgiven Strickland and Beck for their fake makeout session at the mall.

"Cheeseburger?" Beck says hopefully, breaking up the reverie of Steve and Tori. "Ali? Robbie? Yeah?"

Jade returns from her parents' car, looking chagrined. "My parents want to take me to eat," she says, "so I'm out. Shapiro, they want to know if you and your sister want to come."

"Yeah, sure," says Robbie, feeling pleased even though he doubts he'll be able to eat at a restaurant that Jade and her brother have picked out.

Beck looks rather crestfallen. "But Robbie," he says. "We just performed. We always go out to eat together. We always - "

"Babe, he already got you flowers," Ali cuts him off softly, taking his hand again. Beck continues to frown slightly, but he seems to let it drop.

"Okay," says Jade in finality. She takes Robbie's hand absently, then sort of looks around a little bit, frowning. "Um. So. Anyone seen my brother?"

"Er," says Robbie, realizing. He looks around too. "Or my sister?"

"Or Cat," Andre adds thoughtfully. "She's gone too."

Everyone sighs.

* * *

The weekend passes, and on Friday night he somehow ends up sleeping over at Jade's, but it isn't very romantic, as Cat, Jefferson, and Jess had consumed two pounds of sugar-free gummy bears Sikowitz had given them as a treat, in addition to trying to eat their collective weight at BF Wang's. They'd all gotten sick. Jade had scowled very much and told her father that he was on vomit duty tonight. Mr West had looked upset. "But Junebug," he'd tried.

Jade ignored him, crossing her arms and looking off into the distance as Sophia had been known to do. "You were supposed to be watching them," she'd intoned severely, and Robbie'd smiled.

Also, you know, Jade's parents had been home, which makes him nervous.

So they'd settle Cat, Jeff, and Jess in the living room, but Cat had kept coming to Jade's door, crying out about needing glasses of water ("Why does she come all the way up here instead of going to the damn kitchen," Jade snitted in fury, tearing herself once more from Robbie), and eventually settled to sleep in the hallway. Later, there was a thump as Mr. West tripped over her. In the morning, Jade had lain on Robbie and kissed him, slow and lazy, and her hand goes _there,_ and it was the morning, you know, and that's all very lovely, until Jefferson had burst into the room, oblivious and screaming excitedly about weapons.

Robbie had fallen off the bed.

He wondered briefly if it was possible to die from too many cases of not getting to third base. Jeff had sat on the floor and chattered happily to Jade about arrows and crossbows, unaware of Robbie's plight and waving around a magazine. Maybe Jeff would understand someday. Last week, he'd asked Robbie wonderingly, how do you kiss my sister so much without getting cooties?

Downstairs, after they'd collected themselves, Jade looked pissed. "Who finished this puzzle?" she demanded, scowling at the kitchen table.

Cat, eating a burnt waffle, had beamed. She'd had powdered sugar in her hair. Robbie'd felt a little sick himself, just looking at her plate, heaped with waffles. "Your dad and I worked on it last night," she said to Jade, and added, "While you were kissing Robbie."

Robbie had turned purple. Mr. West, who was getting coffee at the counter, had also turned purple.

"Dad!" Jade whined, ignoring the mortification of both of them. "We were doing this one!"

Mr. West looked guilty. "But I have another," he said. "You would like it better. It has elephants."

Jade had still looked upset.

"It's three-dimensional, Jade," he'd added hopefully.

"Fine," Jade said. She eyed his coffee mug sternly. "Is that mine?"

Mr. West looked very depressed, as it had been the last of the coffee. "Of course, darling," he responded.

Jade had sat on the counter and looked happy as her father spooned sugar into the coffee mug and handed it to her. Jeff ran by them with a rose in his hair.

* * *

Most of the next week is spent in the auditorium, helping Tori with Prome decorations. It's being held in the atrium beside the courtyard, outdoors, and each afternoon Tori manically checks her PearPhone for weather updates.

"I hope it doesn't rain," Tori frowns.

"I hope it hails," Jade says happily.

Tori makes a frazzled noise and goes over to yell at Cat and Andre, who are supposed to be cutting out silver stars but instead appear to be making what may be shaping up to be a hippo out of paper mache. They take pause and look guilty as Tori's shadow falls over them.

Jade smiles speculatively. She runs her hand through Robbie's hair, usually a sign of happiness. He leans into her touch, but Jade appears oblivious, picking up her scissors and beginning to cut anew. She seems content enough to be working on Prome decorations.

As they're filtering out of the auditorium, he catches her arm lightly. "What?" she says, and then Robbie tugs her into the supply closet. All day long Jade has been being horrible to him, kissing him but not really _kissing_ him, leaning but not leaning close enough, touching him but not enough. She laughs loudly when his back hits ones of the shelves and a box rains its contents down on him.

"You are so suave," Jade tells him, laughing some more. She puts her arms around his neck and kisses him, a real kiss, which is what he wanted. "You have glitter in your hair now."

"Mm?" says Robbie, not caring, leaning in to kiss her again. Jade snorts into his mouth and he grins. He shouldn't find her so alluring, he thinks, as she tangles one of her hands in the back of his hair. He mumbles her name.

"What?" Jade says again, and smirks. She drops her free hand from his shoulder and traces it down his chest softly, coming to rest it at his buckle buckle. She leans on him heavily. She hums a little. "You want me?"

"Um," Robbie says eloquently. Jade kisses him some more, and her hand is still _there_, and the room is dark and quiet and they're alone and it's wonderful.

Then there's a loud creak and a bright square of light falling down on them as Tori trails in, Steve Strickland behind her, led by the wrist, and says, "Oh, sorry, I didn't know anyone was - "

Her eyes trail over Jade and Robbie and her lips form a little 'o' of horror. Jade smirks, still on Robbie, and her hand is still trapped between them.

"Oh my god, you guys!" Tori shrieks. "Can't you contain yourselves? We're at _school!_" She flees the supply closet.

Robbie turns purple, which is becoming common, and Jade looks happy. Steve Strickland is still standing in the doorframe, leaning and grinning. He raises his eyebrows.

"Um," says Robbie. "Ah."

"Good_ bye, _Steven," Jade says sweetly. She adds, as an afterthought, "Close the door."

Strickland goes, and Jade turns back to Robbie. "So," she says, and winds her other arm that isn't already on him back around his shoulders.

"Jade, Tori _saw_ us," Robbie says in misery.

"So what?" Jade still looks happy. "You wanna _stop_?" She leans in once more to kiss him, and, you know, she can be very persuasive. Robbie just murmurs happily. He puts his hands on her waist, wondering what Tori had been so upset about anyway. Love is a pure and wonderful thing!

Jade bites at his lip, making him squeak. He tightens his hands on her hips, unable to stop, really. He can feel her smile into his mouth once more.

Then Cat walks in blithely, completely ignoring them, and she brushes past Robbie with ease and stands on her toes to grab at a box beside him. "Is this the hot glue gun?" she asks no one in particular, turn her head to and fro. "Oh. Hi, Jade. Hi, Robbie. Can't you do this at home?"

Robbie almost wilts into the floor.

"Robbie, Andre wants to know if you want to go tuxedo shopping later tonight," Cat tells him, still preoccupied with getting down her glue gun. "Do you - "

"Cat," Jade, still pressed very intimately against Robbie, interrupts, sounding a little disbelieving. "We're trying to have a, ah -_ moment _here."

Cat regards them with interest. Robbie turns more purple, and Cat wrinkles her nose. "But who's going to drive me home?" she pouts.

Jade sighs. "I don't know, maybe your boyfriend?"

Cat shakes with indignation. "What's that supposed to mean?!"

Jade closes her eyes like she's in pain.

* * *

Prome comes, and it's different from the dance they'd had last year, because Jade doesn't wear yoga pants and get everyone drunk, and it's different from the one the year prior to that, because Robbie isn't in love with Cat anymore and they don't leave early to see a movie that Jade's putting on. Jade, he realizes, has been deeply entwined in his life for a long time, longer than he'd realized.

He goes and rents a tuxedo with Andre, Beck, and Steve Strickland (who, as both keep telling him, is totally not Tori's _date_) a few days beforehand. Robbie hesitates over a powder blue tuxedo. Andre purses his lips, tries to forcefully steer him away. Beck and Strickland look encouraging.

"Rob," Andre says carefully, "I don't really think that's your color, you know - "

"Jade said I should dress to match," Robbie says.

"Here's a blue bow tie, Robbie," Beck puts in happily.

Andre sighs. "Okay," he says. "You know what? That's fine. That's great."

Robbie sends Jade a picture of the tux on his phone. She just replies back, "Thumbs up!" She's so cool. She also may take enjoyment in the fact that he's going to look like an idiot, but she's cool nonetheless. He wonders what her ulterior motive is. Maybe she wants him to look so ridiculous that it kills all chances of their relationship progressing physically. Would she really do that? He pushes this thought away and moves to join the rest of his friends.

Strickland looks depressed over the corsages. He appears very out-of-place in the suit shop, all messy hair and torn jeans. Robbie privately thinks that he, Beck, and Andre don't look much better.

Now Strickland picks over a display of pink-and-purple flowered corsages, much to the dismay of the shop owner. "Is there, like, a silver one?" he asks no one in particular. "She said silver. I don't know, I can, like, make one?"

"That would be sweet," Robbie says, and Beck nods fitfully. Andre looks distressed some more, but he just shrugs and heads into the fitting room.

* * *

That next day he stays after school to help Steve make his corsage for Tori. Steve had taken a metal-working class at his old school, and he seems to be doing pretty well on his own. Robbie's fairly sure he's just there for company. He doesn't mind, as Jade is off doing secret girl stuff with Cat and Tori. Beck and Ali are having a little pre-Prome party in his RV, and Robbie really wants none of that.

He sits on the big work table beside Steve and watches as actually a pretty cool little wire flower is appearing. Steve carefully cuts a wire, humming to himself.

"Maybe this won't be so bad," Steve says, looking sort of happy.

Robbie clears his throat. "So you – you've had, like, a lot of girlfriends, right?" he asks.

Steve shrugs. "Yeah," he says. "A few."

"Oh," says Robbie, and stares, unable to continue.

Strickland starts grinning that grin that makes Robbie feel sort of wary. "Why?" he asks. "Oh, are we gonna have girl talk now?"

"_No_," says Robbie. He makes a face. "Just – you know – I was wondering."

Steve waits. He bends a wire. "You and Jade," he says, prompting.

"You - " croaks Robbie. "Well. Me and. Jade. Do you – have you been – I mean - "

"What, are you guys, like, going to _do it_ at Prom?" Steve asks, grinning.

"Prome," Robbie corrects, and then squeaks. "And no! We aren't – I mean – we haven't – even come close – "

Steve laughs at his choice of words, and Robbie scowls. "Oh, shut up," he says.

Steve just grins some more and begins slowly winding two wires together in a sort of leaf shape. "I can't really help you too much there, Rob," he says, and then adds happily, "I'm a virgin."

Robbie goggles. "Really?"

"Yep."

"Wow," says Robbie. "You – really?"

Strickland shrugs a little. "I mean, you know, I think that shit's important. I'm not going to – you know, with just anyone. I was only with the one girl for a long time – so. Plus growing up my mom was real religious."

"Wow," Robbie says again. "Well – I mean, I think that's cool."

"Yeah," says Steve. "Everyone makes a big deal out of it, sorta? But I don't think it's bad. I mean, it just is. We're all still kids, basically. So, yeah, now you know. I'm a big old virgin."

"Yeah," says Robbie, a bit wonderingly at the conversation that's taking place. He adds confidentially, so Strickland won't feel bad, "Me too."

Strickland grins widely. "You don't say," he drawls.

Robbie ignores the horrible grin. "So you – hmm."

"But I've done practically everything else," Steve adds helpfully.

Robbie blushes. "Oh," he says. "So you – I mean, if a girl – how do you - " he's blushing to hard to continue.

Strickland watches him consideringly, then smiles some more. "Oh you want to – yeah – with West?"

"Um," says Robbie, "maybe," because he doesn't know. "I just – um – I've never – anything – I'd like to – make her – happy or -"

"Oh," says Strickland. "You want to - " he makes a vaguely horrifying gesture, which Robbie supposes may be sexual, but sort of really just looks like a dying duck.

"Uh, maybe," Robbie says again. "I don't know what that is – I've never really seen, uh – that particular – gesture – is that ... ?"

Strickland grins. He says, "I'll make you a diagram."


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter Sixty-Seven**

Then it's Friday – the day of Prome. With the weather showing only a thirty percent chance of rain, Tori seems suitably calmed. She's only shredded half a ream of notebook paper during their shortened lunch period, instead of her regular two. Granted, though, as Jade points out to Robbie, it _was_ a shortened period.

He feels excited and nervous as the group parts for the day. The girls – Jade, Cat, Tori, and Alison, are going together to the mall to get their hair done (Beck is going with them). Andre will be directing the limo driver to Beck's house at seven-thirty, where the group will all meet up. All that Strickland and Robbie have to do, Andre tells them sternly, out in the parking lot after school's let out, is not die, or get arrested.

Robbie and Strickland nod fitfully, and Strickland looks mulling.

Robbie turns to Jade. Looking at her today – well, always – still gives him that feeling of an electricity generator that's being pumped into overdrive, but it's even more now, because this is Prome and the school year is ending and it's the very last dance, and he finally, finally has someone, and it's Jade. He tries not to let all of these thoughts show, though, despite the fact that he's sure she knows.

"When," he says, "when do you want me to pick you up?"

Jade moves closer to him absently, fixing his shirt collar out of habit. "I guess – six forty-five? I should be, like, dressed by then." She makes a sour little face. "Sophia wants to take pictures and shit, so – well, that's a half hour. That's not too bad, right?"

"Yeah," Robbie says. That Jade is willing to let her stepmother take Prome pictures of her is – well, he doesn't know what it is, but he thinks it's a good thing, and it makes him happy. He remembers, several months back, Jade telling him that she's finally begun to get along with her family. It makes him feel good for her. She deserves to belong, and to feel a part of something that's good. Over the past year and a half, he's come to know the Wests fairly well, and they're – still a bit odd to him, a rather ragtag group of a family that has somehow come together. He thinks that that is the best kind of family.

Jade looks at him sharply. "What?" she asks.

"Hmm?" He realizes he's gotten lost in his thoughts, as usual, and he piques his eyebrows up at her in slight guilt.

She rolls her eyes a little, brushing back a lock of her hair behind her ear that's gone flying erratic in the slight wind. "You're – you're doing that thing."

"What thing?"

"You – you say, like, one word, then you get this dopey look on your face, and I know you're thinking things. So what're you – like, thinking about?" She leans forward a little and pokes him severely in the chest, but pulls back at the last second, so it's not too hard of a jab. "Thinking about me?"

He can't help the soft grin that blooms on his face. "I'm always thinking about you," he tells her, unable to help himself.

Again, she rolls her eyes, hard. He catches her hand in his as it reels back to poke him again, holding her fingers loosely. "Nothing bad," he says. "So, quarter to seven is fine. I think I might – might go see my dad or something before? I haven't been all week."

Jade's eyes lock with his, and he sees a vast sea of emotions swim about in them before she blinks and her eyes clear. "Cool," she says. "Okay, that's – good. I mean … I hope he's doing okay."

Robbie smiles faintly, because she's trying. He's trying, too. And really, Dad has been doing okay – he hasn't been to see him this week, but Jess has, and she said he was actually rather up and about. She'd tried to play a game of Apples to Apples with him, but apparently it hadn't worked out very well. She seemed fairly undeterred, though.

"Just - don't be late," Jade adds, a little warily.

"Okay," he says. "I won't."

* * *

Dad was doing okay. He'd smiled weakly when he'd seen Robbie – perhaps not entirely knowing who he was, but recognizing the face as familiar anyhow, somehow – and he'd been pretty quiet, letting Robbie talk a bit about nothing in particular. They'd played a rather uneventful game of checkers out in the lobby. Mostly they were silent, though. Dad's hands shook rather badly, but he seemed focused on the game, and that was – that was good, a good sign, he needed cognitive things to keep him busy, keep him from getting more lost.

When the big clock in the corner of the room began chiming five, though, Robbie made himself pull his attention away from his father. He helped the man clear the checkerboard, he slid his bookbag back on. "I've got to go," he told his father. "Do you – want me to push you back to your room?"

"I'm all right here," Dad had murmured mildly. He put his shaking hands in his lap. He'd got a newspaper waiting beside him on the coffee table.

"Okay," said Robbie. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, yearning. He never quite knew how to say goodbye to his father any longer. "Okay, well – I've got to go. It's Prom tonight, and I'm – I'm taking my girlfriend."

Dad smiled quietly. "Have fun, son," he said, and opened his paper.

"Yeah," said Robbie, and beamed, and he didn't let himself think on it too much. "Yeah, I will."

He gave his father a final wave, allowed himself to briefly clasp the man's shoulder – Dad became agitated if he was touched too much – and then he had left, going out to his car, going home and getting changed.

* * *

He gets to Jade's house promptly at six forty-three. His light blue tuxedo (Andre had convinced him to just get the blue jacket and go with traditional black pants, to Robbie's slight sadness), is crisp and a little stiff on him. He has a weird blue-and-black flower corsage for Jade. His throat is dry. He stands on the doorstep for a moment, waiting for six forty-four, then rings the doorbell.

Sophia answers the door after a moment. Her eyes widen slightly at him – is it his hair? Jess had put some strange gel in it, then declared him hopeless – but then she smiles and moves to let him in. "Jade will be down in a moment," she tells him. "We've set up the tripod by the stairs!"

There is the hugest camera ever set up outside the foyer. Robbie looks at it a little fearfully.

Sophia looks dreamy and like a much younger girl. "I never had a Prom in Azerbaijan," she tells him. "They were a bit – right-winged there. And Jade has never liked dances. I just want her to have a good time."

"Yeah," Robbie says, thinking that he really needs to research the political history of Azerbaijan at some point soon, "me too."

There's a loud yell from upstairs, and Jeff streaks out onto the landing, looking a little panicked. "Jade is almost ready!" he says. "She told me to help her get dressed but then she wouldn't let me look at her! Like I want to see that! Ew!" He barrels down the stairs at a thousand miles an hour. "Hi Robbie! Wow, you look really sharp! You look like James Bond!"

Sophia starts coughing for some reason.

"Thanks Jeff," Robbie says, trying not to twist the corsage into a thousand pieces. Jeff beams blithely and happily moves onto a different subject.

"Sophia," he asks excitedly, "later will you take pictures of me? I want to wear my pirate costume. The crossbow Jade ordered me finally came in the mail!"

Sophia looks slightly amused at Jeff's frequently calling of her by her first name, but then she frowns at him a bit. "What crossbow?" she demands.

"Ahaha," says Jeff quickly. "Just a replica."

Sophia looks unimpressed. There's a noise from the stairs, and she just takes his hand. "Why don't you tell me about this _replica_ in the kitchen," she says, and then shoots Robbie a small smile. "I'll be back."

"Okay," Robbie squeaks.

Jade peers out and down at him from around the first landing of the steps, long brown-and-blue curls tumbling everywhere. "Did they leave?" she demands, sounding like she's trying very hard not to sound timid.

"Uh – yeah. It's just me down here."

Jade sighs in a very put-upon way, disappearing again. "I hate this part," she says. "I feel like I'm in a fucking romantic comedy."

Robbie smiles.

"God, I can _feel _you being gay," Jade growls, and then she starts coming down the stairs. Her dress is mostly dark turquoise, short and a little puffy, with black beading all over the top. She isn't wearing very much makeup and her heeled shoes look dangerous. He's utterly gobsmacked by her. But before he can completely embarrass himself and start ranting about her beauty, Jade laughs in glee and hops down the remaining four steps to half-land on him, her pale arms coming up to rest on his shoulders and catch herself.

"You actually got it," she says, laughing, and gives his blue bow tie a little tug. "_God_. I didn't know if you would."

He blushes a little – not really out of embarrassment, but simply because of her nearness. "You told me to," he manages.

"Yeah, I know," says Jade, smirking at him. With her incredible heels, they're nearly the same height.

"I didn't know – if you wanted me to, really," Robbie says. "I think I might look kind of stupid. Andre keeps looking like he has a headache when I talk about it."

Jade throws back her head and laughs happily. "Well, I had a headache all day listening to Cat carry on about him," she says. "And yeah, I wanted you to get the tux. Who cares if you look stupid?"

Robbie hesitates. He asks, "Do you think I look stupid?"

Jade considers him. "I think you look like Robbie," she says finally. He smiles. "And you like it, right?"

"Yeah," he says. He feels pretty sharp, actually. Like James Bond! In technicolor.

Jade plays with his bow tie some more. "You know - " she says, and stops. She's focusing her attention somewhere below his right shoulder. He waits. "I always – I don't think anyone knows it, but I – I guess I care about what people think a lot. I want them to think that I, like, act a certain way." She pauses. "That I am a certain way. You know?"

"Uh – sort of?"

Jade shrugs a little. "Well, I don't care anymore. I want to have fun tonight. And I want to be with you." She smiles a little, an involuntary one, which is the best kind.

"Okay," he says. "Me too."

Jade leans in to kiss him then, and he squeaks out, because she's smushing her corsage. Sophia, who's been lurking, takes the squeak as admission to come back in the room and start snapping pictures of them. Jade yells a lot, but later, when they get the films back, she looks happy in all of the shots.

* * *

There's some excitement over converging at Beck's and then getting to Prome – Cat and Andre arrive very late and look rather mussed, and Cat's still in her jeans and has to run into Beck's RV with Jade and Tori to change, and their limo is lime green, like, way to go Andre ("They didn't have pictures on the website," Andre defends sadly). Jade and Tori are both a little annoyed at Cat: Tori, for Cat's almost making them late; Jade, for Cat just being Cat and spending a hundred dollars on her hair and then running off and going to – Robbie covers his ears – with Andre!

"We did not!" squeals Cat, falling all over the laps of everyone as the limo takes another quick and wide turn. "We were just talking!"

Jade and Tori glower hard. "Yeah, just talking!" Andre affirms quickly, then grins slyly at Robbie as if Robbie would know anything about that stuff.

But they do make it to Prome, and not too late, just before eight-fifteen, Tori screaming and clutching at Steve's hand as she drags him into the building ahead of them. Steve looks fairly complacent and happy to be dragged.

Cat, the eternal romantic, sighs dreamily. "It's so nice that they're here together," she says, clasping her hands as they present their tickets and are let into the school. "Did you see that corsage? I wish I had one made out of silver."

Andre looks upset, so Robbie tells her, "It's just paint. It's actually copper and foil, mostly."

Out in the atrium, purple and silver stars are strung from everywhere, lights are flashing, and the live band that Tori's picked out is faithfully sticking to the eighties playlist she's set up. The girls laugh a lot, spill their punch, and Jade dances with Robbie to "Time After Time," unable to stop laughing at his grinning face.

Tori is wearing a short and rather sparkly silver dress. She makes little clinking sounds when she walks. Robbie thinks it's a good choice – as Prome coordinator, she should be easy to spot. Jade makes a weird face when he points this out.

"Yeah," she says slowly. "I'm sure that's what she was going for."

"The matching eyeshadow is a nice touch also," Robbie says.

Cat looks happy. "It took us an hour to place all the sequins!" she says. Cat looks lovely as well, wearing a gigantic pink dress that rather reminds Robbie of a birthday cake. Her hair is all pinned up by what appear to be candy corn barrettes. Some of the candy is missing from them, as she and Jade keep reaching up to snack. She's recovered quite nicely from their bumpy limo ride, and you couldn't tell that she'd gotten ready in nine minutes due to her and Andre –_ talking._

They pay a rather distressing amount of money to get their pictures taken – Jade, laughing, says she wants to commemorate how good Robbie looks. Robbie smiles uncertainly into the camera and tries not to ruin the picture as Jade winds her arms around his waist, still laughing. When they get the pictures back, he has his eyes closed, but Jade is smiling.

Everyone trades dance partners now and then – Robbie dances with Tori, Ali, and does a short waltz with Beck – but mostly, he gets to be with Jade. She complains loudly over the playlist, fixes Robbie's bowtie a lot, and drinks copious amounts of punch that she swears she hasn't spiked but is probably lying about.

Sikowitz dances with Helen, which Robbie finds unsettling. Tori keeps popping up, alternately thrilled and chagrined, and spends a long time crabbing at the underclassmen on the Prome committee to please get rid of that hideous paper mache hippo. Cat looks happy.

As the girls are off on their millionth bathroom break, Robbie, Beck, Andre, and Steve convalesce over the punch bowl, talking to SinJin and his date, a tall, impossibly pretty blonde girl who goes to Cal U.

"SinJin proctored my science class this semester," she says, looking happy as she puts her arm around him and pats his cheek gently with her other hand. "He rebooted my laptop for me – he's so sweet. Of course I said yes when he asked me to his school's dance."

Beck, Andre, and Steve look gobsmacked. Robbie smiles. He guesses that Tori had been right – geek chic _is_ in.

Tina Turner starts playing, and SinJin looks dreamy. His date pulls him out onto the dance floor.

"_Wow,_" says Beck. "I mean – good for him, but _wow._"

"College girls are awesome," Strickland says, covertly trying to light a cigarette without being seen and screamed at by various teachers or Tori.

Beck and Ali are named Prome king and queen. No one's very surprised aside from Ali, who's only a junior and hadn't been expecting it. She cries a little when Sikowitz puts the tiara on her head.

Jade leans on Robbie heavily, looking a little punch-drunk and very pleased. "Cat and I rigged the ballots," she tells Robbie confidentially.

"Really?" he says, surprised. He hadn't thought that Jade would go through the effort of - well, of having anything to do with Prome.

Jade is sixty-seven percent nicer and more honest when she's a bit intoxicated, it seems. "I like Alison," she tells him. "And Beck's put up with a lot of shit from me 'n Cat over the years. Something nice for them." She shrieks a little bit when a Violent Femmes song she likes starts playing, and drags Robbie out onto the floor to dance some more.

Jade rests her head softly on his shoulder and hums absently along as the singer croons out the words to "Good Feeling." Her hair is long and soft and curling against his face, and it smells good – a little like her shampoo, and a bit like the strawberry punch she's accidentally dipped it in. He keeps his hand lightly between her thin shoulder blades, steadying her, and she steps on his feet a lot. He feels overwhelmingly in love with her.

Then there's a loud crack of thunder as the sky opens up and a heavy rain pours down on them. Even from all the way across the atrium, he hears Tori shriek in dismay. Beside them, Cat dances by with Andre, shooting Jade a knowing and guilty little smile.

"What's that about?" Robbie asks, and he has to yell a bit to be heard over the torrents of rain sheeting down.

Jade flings her head back, hair already soaked, and smiles up into the dark sky. "Oops," she yells. "Maybe we also rigged Tori's PearPad. Maybe _tomorrow_ was a thirty percent chance of rain." She lowers her head to grin deviously into his eyes, and he feels himself stagger and reel with the simple want of her. "Tonight's a lightening storm," she says.

Tori runs past them, clinking and glittering. Steve follows her, rather sweetly trying to hold a plastic bag over her head to save the silver streaks she's had put in her hair. Jade and Robbie pause in their dancing (the music has gotten sort of crackly) to watch them, and Jade sort of looks like she's waiting for him to lecture her.

He just kisses her instead.

* * *

He'd hoped that, several weeks prior, Jade had been lying and teasing him about a Prome after-party at his house.

"I would never lie about a party," Jade says seriously, bumping her way through the crowded threshold of his house, trying to pull the cork out of a wine bottle that Cat's brother has just handed her with her teeth.

Wait – Cat's _brother_? Isn't he supposed to be in _New York_?

Well, whatever. Robbie's more concerned with the fact that people have apparently been pouring into his house since before he and his friends had even left Prome! How is this possible?

He finds Jess in the kitchen by the side door, wearing Jade's Hello Kitty pajamas and collecting people's keys in a fish bowl. She looks overwhelmingly guilty when she sees Robbie and covers it with a bright smile. "Hi brother," she says sweetly, and waves the fishbowl at him.

"Oh my god," Robbie says in sudden understanding. "That's who you were talking to on the phone so much this week! It wasn't Karl! You and Jade were – were - " he waves a finger for emphasis - "_plotting._"

Jess looks guilty some more. "Mom is in San Diego until Monday," she says. "And I found a baby gate and put it at the top of the stairs so everyone will stay down here."

Robbie frowns at her, unconvinced. Jess waves the fish bowl again. "I'm collecting keys!" she says. "There will be no drunk driving incidents. And Jade and Beck are going to make sure everyone leaves in the morn - "

"Beck was in on this too?"

Jess bites her lip. She says, "Robbie, you know, I _have_ had his phone number for two years."

"_What?_" cries Robbie.

Jess looks at him like he's dumb. "Sometimes I call Beck and we watch Full House together," she informs him. "Do you know, he says - "

"No," Robbie waves a hand at her. "I just, I don't even want to know. It's all – it's all fine." Then he gives her a warning look. "You know, Jessica," he says, "I am disappointed in you. You shouldn't be around a high school party!"

Jess just shakes the fish bowl at him. "Keys please," she says, as if Robbie can even drink alcohol, and as if he would be driving somewhere if he had! Robbie stares at her for a few seconds, then gives up and drops his car keys into the bowl.

Cat, Andre, and Ali are setting up Twister in his living room. He's a little relieved to see that all of the valuables – including Uncle Marv's ugly vase – have been removed and stored somewhere safe prior. Tori and Steve Strickland are sitting on the couch together (thank Moses the plastic covers are still on, as Strickland is dripping rain water everywhere), talking quietly. Tori's holding her metal flower contraption and looking happy at Steve and she still has all her silver glitter makeup on, so Robbie guesses she doesn't feel the night was a total wash.

Somewhere, someone's turned The Goo Goo Dolls on the stereo. Jade finds him then, slinking over looking a little guilty and pouty, and he thinks that it might have been her. She's told him that he's the only one who knows she used to listen to Black Balloon up in her room every night.

Jade sidles over next to him and gives him her heavy-lidded gaze, because she knows that's the look he can't resist the most. He reaches out a little and she catches his hand in hers, fiddling loosely with his fingers. She traces his index finger – the sort of warped one, the one he'd cut last year and had had to get stitches in – with her own, before glancing up at him.

"You mad at me?" she asks.

"No," he says, honestly, and a little surprised at his lack of anger or nervousness. He isn't mad. A teenaged party at his house is one of the lesser bad things that have happened to him. "I'm not mad."

"It's not too many people," she tells him, moving closer still, and he moves his hand to her waist. "Mostly people from Cat's writing class. No jerks." She smirks. "No Vargas."

Robbie involuntarily makes a fist.

Jade laughs. "Yeah, I know," she says. She leans in and kisses him. The worst part of a party, he thinks, is that there are, you know, people at them, which means he can't really be alone with Jade, or kiss her like he wants to. He settles for a few quick ones with minimal tongue action. As he's kissing her, Cat's brother walks by, and pours more wine into the glass that Jade's still holding.

"Thanks, Mike," she says to his retreating form. Robbie stares after him.

"How is - " Robbie says, then stops in utter confusion. "Why is - ?"

Jade shrugs, going to drink her wine, then pauses, looking at him. "Do you care?" she asks, swirling her glass at him.

"No," he says. "I just don't want you to – drink too much."

"I won't," says Jade, and looks happy. Then she explains: "Mike missed Cat. And everyone was all excited that she was going to Prom – it's senior year, you know, and she used to be sort of – unpopular. So he came back to be with her."

"That's, um, nice," says Robbie. Cat was unpopular? When? He can't picture Cat as being such. "Did she - "

Jade puts her wine glass down on the end table. "You really wanna talk about Cat?"

Robbie considers it. "No, not really," he says.

Jade smiles evilly. "Wanna go make out in front of Tori and freak her out?" she asks.

"Yeah," says Robbie.

* * *

It's four AM and there are still a couple strangers littered around his house but mostly everyone's getting quiet or leaving or settling down obnoxiously on the bottom of the staircase to sleep – he's surprised that Jess's baby gate has actually worked. Robbie, Cat, Andre, and Jade putter around the living room, picking up the majority of people's empty drinking cups until Cat abruptly lays down on the couch and goes to sleep. Andre and Robbie exchanged a glance. Robbie shrugs, pulling the stack of cups from Andre's hand, and giving him a little wave. Andre smiles and settles down on the floor below Cat.

Jade takes his hand and pulls him forwards silently. They stop in the kitchen to toss all of the cups into the recycling, Jade giggling at him as he tries to be quiet and ends up spilling and clanking everywhere. They make the long trek upstairs, hop over the baby gate, and head down the hallway, both acting on some weird sort of joint auto-pilot that leads them to his bedroom.

The room is extra-silent in the early-morning/late night softness of the world. The only light comes from the small lava lamp that Jade's sneakily installed last month or so. Originally, he thinks, it had been Andre's, then found it's way to Cat's room, migrated to Jade, then back to Cat, back to Jade, and now Robbie supposes it is his. Jade is always trying to make his room look cooler, doing things such as hiding his Albert Einstein poster in his closet and replacing it with Jim Morrison, and then looking around in shock and surprise when Robbie asks her when she had even brought over a Doors poster.

Now she closes his door quietly and comes over to him. Tiredness and the strange lighting make her skin look extra pale – star-white against the dark blue of her dress. His arms go around her waist without thinking of it, and she leans into him softly, planting a kiss on his neck. She reaches up and takes off his ridiculous bow tie; tugs at the arm of his blue tuxedo jacket - "_How_ do you still have this on, you didn't even spill anything on it either, I don't _understand -_ " so he takes that off and then suddenly everything switches from blurred and slow to blurred and very fast, and she yanks the top two buttons off his white dress shirt pulling and kissing him and pushing him to his bed, which he collapses upon rather unceremoniously as the backs of his knees hit it.

Jade sits beside him, turned towards him slightly and half in his lap, and they kiss for a while, which he has been missing very much, since he's spent most of the night chasing after people and trying to stop Cat from eating various candies off the floor. Jade's dress is very short, you know, and he takes the time to appreciate this now. He lets his hand rest on the side of her thigh, where her skin is warm and soft. Jade kisses his ear and the hollow of his throat and the side of his neck, humming quietly.

His other hand comes up to tangle in her hair. "I love you," he says. Jade makes a soft noise and leans in to kiss him on the mouth. He touches the smooth skin on the back of her neck a bit reverently, just below her hairline.

"Did you have fun tonight?" he asks her.

"Yeah," says Jade, actually sounding a bit wondering. "Yeah, I did." She leans and he leans and somehow they meet perfectly in the middle to kiss again. Her hands move to fist in his shirt, which is probably ruined but at least he's bought this one and not rented it like the jacket, trail over his stomach, touch his belt. He can't really help but make little noises into her mouth.

"Jade," he says. "Jade."

She pulls back to smirk at him. "Robbie," she says, then laughs. He smiles at her, lets his hand fall from her hair to trace the soft plane of skin on her back, exposed by her dress. He moves forward once more to kiss her and she meets him midway, falling further onto his lap. Her hands move everywhere, and he simply can't stop the horrible and embarrassing things he's saying, like how much he loves her, how good she is, and how beautiful. Jade seems amused by his utter lack of self control, and she pulls back every now and again to smirk at him.

The room is very quiet still, warmly and dimly lit, the only sounds the rustling of their clothes as Jade paws at him and he paws back. He kisses her neck and the side of her face and Jade's got her hand on his pants and he can't stop saying her name or wondering when someone will come in to stop them. "I want you so much," he says without really meaning to, and Jade just kisses him a little harder. It's all a bit dizzying, and he doesn't really know how it happens but it does happen very fast that Jade slides down off of the bed and comes to rest by his feet. She puts her hands on his knees at looks up at him expectantly.

"Asghfdk," he says brightly. "You. Jade."

"Yes?" she says primly. She slides her hands up his legs some more.

"You," he says again, and stares at her, because there is nothing else in the world. "I mean. That's not what I meant."

Jade looks irritated at him, which is upsetting, because she shouldn't look irritated at him when they've been kissing like so and she's very close to – well. She puts her hands on his belt buckle. The whole room spins.

"You don't have to do that," he manages. "I mean. If you don't want to."

She just stares at him. It's rather startling, how blue her eyes can be in the dim lighting. Her eyes hold his, probably only for a second, but he feels the decades in it. He swallows hard. "Do you love me?" she asks.

"Yes," he says, because he does.

"Good," she says. "Do you want me?"

"Yes," he says, because he does.

"Then shut up," Jade says, and starts to undo his belt.

But Robbie can't shut up, ever. "Oh my god," he says. "Oh my god."

No one comes in to interrupt them this time, and that was Prome night.

* * *

Robbie feels very happy and energetic at school that Monday. He's humming cheerfully as he puts his books away at his locker before first period. Spring is just so wonderful! It's just a lovely time of year!

Andre looks dismal and tired from a weekend of partying and then school rudely not being canceled that day. "What are you so darn perky about?" he asks, wilting against the locker beside Robbie.

Robbie twirls the lock on his locker and smiles. "It's a beautiful day," he says.

Andre looks unconvinced. "Did you get your house cleaned up?" he asks.

"Oh, yeah," Robbie says, in between humming. "Jade made her brother come over and we got rid of all the mess. I stayed over her house for the weekend."

Andre raises his eyebrows very high. "Oh yeah?" he asks slowly.

"Yeah!" Robbie says happily, selecting his Physics notebook, and then his extra Physics notebook too, just for the heck of it. You never know when you'll need to reference more notes! "We worked on a puzzle with her father last night." He sighs dreamily. "Jade kicked me when I tried to wake her up this morning. She usually does. So I just cleaned her room and went on without her."

"Um," says Andre. "Okay."

Robbie smiles some more and then flushes as he spies Jade walking over to them.

"Hi Jade," he says moonily to her. "I bought you a coffee."

Jade looks at him skeptically. "This isn't even an extra large," she says.

"I got four shots of espresso in it," Robbie tells her. "That's the cutoff limit! They told me it would be like drinking three sodas! They wouldn't give me a larger size!"

"Oh." Jade give the coffee cup a speculative glance. "I guess that's okay then."

Robbie beams at her.

"I gotta get to class," Jade tells him. "Sikowitz wants me and Cat to run these pointless lines." She rolls her eyes, leans up to kiss him quickly. "Love you."

"I love you too," Robbie says, glowing.

Jade looks unimpressed. She arches an eyebrow at him. "And?"

Robbie takes a breath. "And," he says, "you are the prettiest girl in the county. You -"

"The _county_?"

"The whole state," he quickly corrects himself. "The whole western part of the country! Your hair is also perfect today. I put a new taillight in your car this morning while you were still asleep. I packed your brother lunch. I'll buy you lunch today! I'll buy you three sodas. Do you want to go on a date this evening? Your skin is flawless. I made you a study guide for the math final. I'll do all your Calculus homework until school's out. Is that enough?"

"I guess so," says Jade. "For now. See you." She takes her coffee from him and saunters off. The illusion of her indifference is broken when she pauses to glance back at him and smiles before disappearing around the hall.

Robbie clutches his books and looks after her in rapture. "Bye," he says.

Andre, still against the locker, starts cackling loudly. "You damn little school girl," he says in wonder. "Did you get some or what?"

"What?" Robbie shrieks, dropping his books all over the floor. "Get some what? I just, I don't know what you are implying!"

Andre smirks very much, and Robbie, flushing anew, scrabbles to quickly grab up his books. "Well you - " he cries. " Just stop! We're going to be late for class!"

Andre follows him happily. "Jade and Robbie," he singsongs. "Sitting in a tree. S - E - X - I - N - G -"

"Stop it!" Robbie shrieks.

* * *

It's early May and they're over at Tori's one day and it's just them, just their group – Beck and Andre and Tori and Cat and Jade and Robbie. They're going to be graduating at the end of the month, and everyone's getting a little squeaky over it (Tori, particularly Tori, but everyone's being nice and hasn't even made much mention of the squeakiness). They've all been planning on having a study session for finals but then Beck started looking at the Vega's collection of DVDs and Cat started singing about soda and popcorn and now it seems like they're going to watch a movie.

Robbie and Jade had arrived to Tori's first, and Jade's seemingly sequestered them a permanent spot on the couch parallel to the television. She's currently throwing crumpled up sheets of notebook paper at Beck's back as he's rifling through the DVDs. "Does she have Blade?" Jade intones. "I want to watch Blade."

She's sort of yelling, as usual. Robbie can hear her from the kitchen where he's helping Tori fill bowls with various chips.

Tori leans out the doorway brightly, peering into the living room. "If by Blade you mean Blades of Glory, then yes, we do own that," she says happily.

Jade sends a disgusted look over to her.

Tori smiles blithely, pulling her phone out of her pocket to text away. She beams at the PearPhone a little bit before she hits the send button, then slides her phone back into her jacket and fitfully whisks a bowl of chips away from Robbie.

"Steve?" he asks her, nodding to the pocket that her phone's been tucked away in.

Tori sniffs at him, and then grabs up another chip bowl for good measure. "Don't be nosy, Robbie Shapiro!" she says pertly, and bustles off into the living room.

Robbie shrugs a little to himself, then picks up the last bowl – a heaping mass of cheddar popcorn, at Cat's request – and carries it precariously into the living room. Cat and Andre are settled on the floor by Jade's feet, knocking elbows. Tori and Beck sit on the smaller couch, fighting over the DVD remote and whether or not they should put subtitles on.

Robbie steps over Cat, sets the popcorn down in front of her, and goes to sit beside Jade. She curls around him, which is nice, and then she gives him a little frown.

"Cat and Vega want to watch that Drake and Josh movie," she tells him darkly. Robbie puts his arm around her in consolation.

"You like Josh Peck," he reminds her, his voice just above a whisper so the others can't hear.

Jade wrinkles her nose up. "Not when he's skinny," she says. "He loses, like, half the funny."

Robbie chuckles.

Tori cries out, "Oh my God, what is this?"

Everyone looks to the screen. It's not Drake and Josh playing. It's yearbook footage from – god, the beginning of sophomore year? Robbie adjusts his glasses. Beck laughs as the camera wavers over a clip of Trina performing one of her plays. "Tori, why was this in the Really Big Shrimp case?" he asks.

"Trina must have switched it," Tori mutters, grinning, pushing the glasses she wears at home up on her face. She turns the volume up a little. "Are you guys on here?!" She starts fast-forwarding until she spies the bright-red flash of Cat's hair: it's the group out in the courtyard, eating lunch together, maybe from October or November. It's weird to see them all together without Tori, Robbie thinks.

Small sophomore-year-Jade glares at the camera, chewing. Cat is standing beside the table, bouncing and chattering to Trina, who looks annoyed. Beck takes a gigantic bite of his cheesesteak.

"Oh my God," Tori shrieks. "Robbie, your _hair_!"

"What?" Robbie asks, confused. She likes it that much?

They watch the clip for a few moments more – sophomore-year-Cat had finally realized the camera was on them and laughed, flinging her arms out, knocking Beck in the face – until it cuts to a shot of the front of the school, than an interview with Lane.

"Man," Andre says wondering, "we all looked so young."

"I was so_ short_," Robbie says, a bit dismally.

"Yeah," says Tori in whimsical agreement, and Jade snorts from beside him. Then Tori adds: "Ha-ha, I forgot you guys had to sit with my sister before I transferred in!"

Jade looks dour, remembering. Tori bounces up off the couch and flutters over to the DVDs, pouting over the loss of Drake and Josh. "Sorry," she says, "I'm _not_ going into Trina's room to find it."

Eventually the group decides on another movie – some comedy that Andre and Jade are vying for and is probably very vulgar – and they settle into watching it, the room growing fairly quiet aside from the crunching of snacks and Cat's occasional giggle.

Robbie isn't really paying attention to the movie, lost in thought. He's thinking of the yearbook video they've just seen. He can't believe how different his life had been then, just over two years ago. You never really think of things as they're changing, he supposes, but they change nonetheless. He remembers being very nervous, very quiet, very lonely. And apparently his hair had been worse.

He feels Jade shift beside him, her arm brushing his, and some of her hair falls onto his shoulder as she leans over and gives him one of her not-so-gentle pokes. He turns to her slowly, broken out of his daze.

She frowns a little, raising an eyebrow at him. "You okay?" she asks. "You've got that – thinking look again."

Robbie looks back at her, so close to him. All around him, he can hear the sounds of his friends – Beck laughing, Tori's squeak as she gets another text message, Cat and Andre murmuring below him. He knows that tonight, once he leaves Tori's, he will drive Jade home, and he'll go to his own home, probably spend time with his sister. She's been wheedling him to take her dress shopping for her eighth grade graduation.

Dad won't be there for that. Maybe his mother will make it to the ceremony, maybe not. Either way, he and Jade are going. Probably Beck, too.

His life is still far from perfect, he knows. Maybe there is no such thing as perfection, not when it's something real, something like life. He has – he has Jade, Jade's crazy brother and stepmother and her quiet father, he has his sister, he has his friends. College is coming and he'll only be two hours away from Jade, but he has the whole summer to spend with her first. He thinks, really, yeah, he's doing pretty good.

Jade's still watching him, waiting for an answer, and her eyes are starting to narrow slightly in annoyance, as they do when he takes his time answering her. He reaches over, runs his fingers through her hair, and she blinks, surprised at him. She starts to smile slowly.

"I'm okay," he says. "I'm just – you know, happy."

**THE END**


	68. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

The hot late-summer sun beats down upon his back as Robbie hefts the final suitcase into the trunk and rummages around fitfully, trying to make room. "Are you sure you don't want your guitar back here?" he asks Andre. "I think I can make it fit."

Andre looks mistrustfully at the jumble of luggage. "I'm not leaving Mary Jane back here with Jade's crazy snakeskin," he says. "Why does she need to take that thing anyway?" He clutches his guitar protectively. "Naw, she'll be fine up in back with me and Cat."

"All righty," Robbie says doubtfully, and then he and Andre both struggle to shut the trunk, throwing themselves heavily at it a few times.

Jade's come outside to smoke, staying safely hidden away under her porch, shielded from the blazing sun. She leans out against the railing and hollers, "You better not dent my fucking car!"

Andre and Robbie exchange a briefly panicked look. "No, it's fine!" Robbie calls back quickly, and then the boys wipe frantically and covertly (he hopes, at any rate) at the trunk hatch just to be safe.

For graduation, Jade's parents had bought her a new car. It's teal and sort of big and fast. It was expensive, and Jeff had picked it out. They don't want her to be breaking down on the interstate if she's going to be coming home a lot on the weekends once school starts. Robbie likes to think of that – the memory of Jade's face when her father had clinked the keys at her, and how she'd shrieked happily and grabbed at him once they'd all gone outside to look.

From the porch now, though, Jade just gives out a sort of incoherent snarl, and some of her cigarette smoke billows out at the boys. Since summer has started, she's become accustomed to waking up around noon - on the nights that Robbie sleeps over, he usually (no, _always_, because he wants to live) sets up a pot of coffee for her in the morning and then he hangs out with Jefferson until Jade deems it appropriate to wake up. He's not even allowed to attempt to snuggle before eleven-fifteen (also, Jade had been horrified at his use of the word 'snuggling'). So he and Jeff have built a fairly impressive Lego village since June, if Robbie does say so himself. It spans practically the whole living room.

He's unsure of how Mr. and Mrs. West feel about it.

Anyway, Jade's grunting and growling and threatening Cat, because really, it's barely nine, but he and Andre have wanted to get a good start on the day and head out fairly early – after morning traffic but before the noon blocks start.

It's the second week in August. He, Andre, Jade, and Cat are driving cross-country to drop Cat off in New York, where she'll be going to university. They're going to spend a weekend at Cat's brother's apartment, saying goodbye and exploring the city, then take a slow trek home. School will start for them soon after.

Robbie squints up into the sun and shades his eyes. "Are you females ready to go?" he calls to the porch, where he can now hear Cat cooing over Quentin.

"In a minute, God," Jade grunts, and then a small crash is heard. Robbie smiles. She is so lovely.

Once the girls are finally ready, Quentin sequestered safely away in Jefferson's room and the final goodbyes to the West parents said (tearful on Cat's part, and not really on anyone else's) Jade hands Robbie her car keys and slumps around to the passenger side. They'll be driving in shifts of four hours each – well, four hours for Robbie, Jade, and Andre, and an hour for Cat, who gets distracted easily. Cat had pouted a bit but eventually agreed to their terms.

Cat sighs heavily as Robbie edges the car out onto the street and starts down the road. "Goodbye, Jade's house!" she hollers, and then looks mournful. She shouts, "Goodbye, North Ridge!"

Robbie scrubs at his ear; Jade looks pains. Andre wraps an arm around Cat consolingly. "North Ridge says goodbye, babe," he says.

Cat just looks increasingly distraught. "I'm going to miss you guys so much!" she wails, starting to get teary. Robbie grips the steering wheel in great fear.

"Cat, we're_ right here,_" Jade snarls. "We'll continue to be right here for at least another week. Unless you make me leave you by the roadside."

Cat shoots her a wildly upset glance. "Would you really leave me, Jade?" she squeaks.

Jade thinks about it, but after Robbie shoots her a pleading little look, she mutters grumpily, "I guess not."

Cat leans back and beams, satisfied.

"Can we get some music up in here?" Andre begs. Robbie reaches up into the sun visor to pull out at a CD. Andre looks at it warily, then adds, "No old man stuff, please."

Robbie frowns. Jade leans back into her seat and tells him happily, "Driver picks the music." Robbie puts his Creedence CD in.

"Bob Marley is old man music, too," Robbie tells Andre.

Andre looks offended. "He is not!" he says. "He is – _cool man_ music."

"My dad likes Bob Marley," Jade says, the image of Mr West liking any sort of music promptly killing the budding argument of what is cool, and Andre falls into a sulky silence for a few moments.

Cat kisses him out of it (Jade gags). Mary Jane twangs at their feet.

"You look so cute, Brown Bear," Cat says after a while.

Robbie and Jade exchange a quick look of mutual pure horror.

"Yep, he looks adorable in his little tank top," Jade says drolly.

Andre – wearing a purple and blue striped wifebeater – shoots her another offended glance. "It is not a tank top, Jade," he says. "And anyway, it's in_ style_. I gotta look good for my baby. She gonna be around all those hipster boys." He kisses Cat sweetly, then not so sweetly. Jade and Robbie groan loudly to stop them.

Cat and Andre are together again, after running around acting dramatic for all of June and driving most of southern California and Robbie utterly insane. They're going to try a long distance relationship. They're going to Skype every other day and Andre will fly out to the city whenever he has the money.

Jade smirks. "I wish _you'd_ wear a tank top, babe," she says sweetly, and reaches over to try and pinch at Robbie's chest through his polo. He evades her attack with the smooth reflexes of one who has not been a virgin for eleven whole days (August 3rd, at 6:41 in the evening, to be precise, and he hadn't really expected his first time to be in Jade's bare bedroom, the only furniture a mattress on her floor because they're repainting her room with a very abrasive Nirvana song playing in the background, but sometimes that's just how these things happen) and bats her hand away without taking his eyes from the road.

"What's road-trip rule number sixteen?" he asks sternly, slowly to let a truck rumble past them.

Jade looks dismal. From the backseat, Cat crows out, "No touching Robbie's nipples while he's driving!"

Andre starts to laugh again. "Oh man. I'm writing this down in the notebook," he says, rummaging around in the knapsack they've got set up in the back seat. "You've already got one strike, West. Two more and you gotta give up your dinner-picking privileges!"

Jade looks more upset.

"I'm really sorry," Robbie tells her softly. "I can't play favorites. I have to run a fair and orderly ship."

"Yeah, I know," Jade says, sounding resigned. "I just couldn't help myself."

Cat giggles wildly. "Yeah, Robbie, because you're so good-looking!"

"Oh shut up!" Jade hollers, as Robbie blushes a bit and Andre laughs some more too. Cat says, "But Jade, you said that Robbie is your - "

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Jade turns around to glower at Cat violently. "I tell you these things in confidence," she rants on. "I tell you one, single, solitary thing, and you try to blab it all over my new car!"

Cat looks guilty. "It was not just one thing," she says.

Jade looks even more enraged, and Robbie feels rather interested. What exactly has she been telling Cat about him? He's her, what, exactly? Her stone fox? Her _steel tiger?_ "Jade," he tries, but Jade's still leaning over to glare at Cat and yells, "SHUT UP, ROBBIE!"

Robbie makes a slightly offended noise, mostly out of habit.

She continues: "I'll get you, Cat Valentine," she threatens. Cat looks very not intimidated. "I am going to have the loudest sex tonight. You'll hear it in your hotel room. The _whole city _will hear it - "

"Jade, please!" Robbie squeaks. Those things are personal!

Jade flings herself forward again and slumps down against her headrest, pushing her sunglasses down on her face and crossing her arms. "I'm going to sleep," she informs the rest of the car icily.

From the console, Robbie's PearPhone sings a little jingle.

Robbie hesitates. "Jade, could you - "

"No, because I'm sure it's Beck with something moronic to say," Jade interrupts him, sneering. Robbie feels upset, but he supposes Beck can wait to hear from him until his four-hour driving shift is up. He doesn't think that Jade quite understands the major, major damage control he'd had to do with Beck, who'd been very hurt that he hadn't been invited on the trip. He'd had to take Beck to Nozu _eight_ times last week, just the two of them! And Beck wants to have a sleepover when they get back.

"That's weird," is all Jade had said. She simply did not understand the friendship of two men, Robbie had thought privately, but had decided not to harp upon it.

Now, he just hums a bit, sparing his phone the tiniest of glances before he merges over into the next lane. Jade lifts her sunglasses and shoots him a little apologetic glance, because she knows when she's being nasty. She reaches out and grabs his hand, and Robbie feels appeased, because that means 'sorry.'

Jade pouts a little bit, because she knows only he can see her. She asks in a rather small voice, "Can we get coffee?"

"Sure," says Robbie. He merges over again.

Jade turns the radio up for him, and they roll on down the highway.

_First thing I remember was asking Papa why_

_For there were many things I didn't know_

_Daddy always smiled, took me by the hand_

_Saying, someday, you'll understand _

_Well, I'm here to tell you now_

_Each and every mother's son_

_You better learn it fast _

_And you better learn it young_

_Because someday never comes_

- Creedence Clearwater Revival, 'Someday Never Comes'

**AN: All right, now it's finally, really, truly over, and let's just pretend Cat and Andre or Robbie and Jade stay or Sikowitz and Helen (whoever you ship) together forever, okay? Make your own moments!**

**Thanks to everyone – you guys who have been with it from the start, MaybeWolf, ZenNoMai, Cenobite, the others that came along the way and left me faithful reviews, spinlight, BernardMarx, even lovers drown, my little muse who gave me the confidence to write many a Jeff/Jade scene, all of you that left encouraging reviews, including all caps ones on Tumblr (and whoever made me that awesome banner!). I started this story for myself, but I would have abandoned it long ago if not for you guys.**


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